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Funny Valentine vs Flandre Scarlet is a What If? episode of Death Battle, featuring the Dimension hopping Funny Valantine from the Anime/Manga JoJo's Bizzare Adventure, from Part 7, Steel Ball Run. He is taking on Flandre Scarlet the somewhat crazy destructive Vampire from the Doujinish video game series Touhou Project.

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Description[]

The President Stand user of the SBR Universe of JoJo and the Vampire who manipulates the power of destruction to obliterate her foes. Who will come out on top?

Interlude[]

Wiz: Ah fiction, you have so many key figures, whether it be a politician or a noble.

Boomstick: But surely these two come to mind when ulterior motives are mentioned.

Wiz: Well, not quite true for one of them. That'd go to the older sister.

Boomstick: Anyway, the first combatant is none other than Funny Valentine, one of the American Presidents.

Wiz: And Flandre Scarlet, the destructive, yet seemingly unstable vampire of the Scarlet household.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Funny Valentine[]

Wiz:This is the man who owns pretty one of the largest chunks of land in the history of the Earth and his name is Funny Valantine.

Boomstick: What kind of name is that? First name "Funny", last name "Valentine", who'd vote for that guy?

Wiz: I'll have you know he received 91% approval from the Public, more that we've ever had. Remember Goku VS Superman?

Boomstick: Oh-

Wiz: This is one of the most dangerous people to grace America, especially with the wide range of abilities he has in his possession.

Boomstick: Oh and just to warn you, MASSIVE SPOILERS ahead. Skip past if you're not interested.

Wiz: The President has only one goal in Steel Ball Run, find all of the Corpse Parts.

Boomstick: Which apparently belong to Jesus. Well, it isn't confirmed, but we all pretty much agree that it's the famous Son himself.

Wiz: The race was just a cover for Valentine's plot to steal the parts and make it so that misfortune will never befall America again.

Boomstick: Valentine has some help from various other characters, but the real factor in his success is the ability of his Stand.

Wiz: In the JoJo Universe, a Stand is the manifestation of your spirit which projects from you and can have all matter of abilities.

Boomstick: And Valentine's is considered one of the most powerful.

Wiz: This Stand is called D4C, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Which gives him the power to cross to the "other side".

Boomstick: You mean like, Heaven and shit?

Wiz: No... Valentine has the ability to hop to other dimensions which are similar to the "Root World"- which is where the Corpse Parts reside, but always seem to have different situations and even different Stands for some characters.

Boomstick: He can even switch which Valentine is the original by having D4C leap to another Valentine- who will then be aware of the entire situation to the same level as the original. This body hopping ability means that you effectively have to kill him in one shot to win.

Wiz: However, Valentine cannot teleport to another dimension just by thinking about it. He has to trap himself between two object. He often does this by slamming a door on someone stood near a wall. Dust, water and pretty much everything but air counts as an object.

Boomstick: Like I did to my Ex-wife?

Wiz: Kind of, sort of, no...

Boomstick: Why?

Wiz: Well, the door never really impacts them all that much, since Valentine once used the wheel of a fast moving train to transport himself. If the wheel had crushed him it would have all ended in that very moment.

Boomstick: That's not all, Valentine can also bring back Alternate versions of his opponents into the Root World.

Wiz: Physics states that two of the exact same object may not be in the same space and such. Meaning that if the copies get too close to the original, they will split into Menger Sponges and annihilate each other completely, causing instant death.

Boomstick: Wow! This guy is dangerous, but wouldn't he annihilate himself?

Wiz: Strangely, Valentine is immune to this rule, being able to cooperate with his alternate selves to team up against an opponent.

Boomstick: All of this alone makes him a deadly fighter, but you haven't heard the best part yet.

Wiz: When Valentine gets all of the corpse parts into a single being, he can have them transform into the Corpse itself. This corpse will exude a thin wall of light that extends only a certain distance from this person.

Boomstick: This is actually a dimensional gap, where inside, all misfortune is directed to someone else instead of whatever is inside of the gap.

Wiz: Using D4C Valentine can enter this gap and effectively become immune to anything that cannot pierce a dimensional wall.

Boomstick: The world itself seems to shift in favor of Valentine, the trees, water, everything is drawn towards him.

Wiz: You can't kill the Corpse either, it's protected in a divine way, causing a series of events to occur that are seemingly impossible to protect itself.

Boomstick: He is one dangerous president, that's not even considering his creativity and usage of his abilities. He often plans how things will play out to use D4C in the best way he can to defeat the opponent.

Wiz: The opponent better be just as impressive, or America might actually become a decent country after all.

Funny Valentine: DOJYAAA~N!

Flandre Scarlet[]

Wiz: Gensokyo is known to host many powerful beings, specifically the Yokai.

Boomstick: But the one type that isn't native to this mysterious place is the vampires. Heck, there are only a handful who live there. Literally.

Wiz: These are the Scarlet sisters who dwell within the Scarlet Devil Mansion, along with several guardians like Patchouli Knowledge and Hong Meiling.

Boomstick: Yet our combatant Flandre, is rarely seen. Why, you ask? Because she was emotionally unstable, and while she'd think she's 'playing', it would result with serious damage.

Wiz: Despite being locked away, she always wished to see the outside world. The only problems were that she had respect for her sister as well as her orders and that the others within the mansion wouldn't allow it, even if she did want to go out.

Boomstick: Luckily, it all changed when Marisa infiltrated the mansion.

Wiz: After confronting Flandre and besting her in battle, she would frequently request Marisa to play with her if and when sighted, to the extent of the witch trying to sneak around when Flandre's about.

Boomstick: In addition, she had a fair bit more freedom as to where she could go, even going outside the mansion's grounds.

Wiz: Like her sister, Flandre is not just strong, but is old. However, she keeps the appearance of a young girl due to her vampire heritage and as a result, immortality.

Boomstick: Her actual age is 495. How bored could one be by staying in the basement for at least 300 years?

Wiz: It's unimaginable. Anyway, her key ability is the manipulation of destruction, or more specifically, can destroy anything.

Boomstick: By simply moving the "eye" of a subject to where its tension is highest, she can attack it and effectively destroy it. The worst thing is that everything has an "eye", so no-one is safe.

Wiz: Though due to her want to have playmates, she rarely does this or unintentionally does it and instead attacks the enemy with the rest of her arsenal.

Boomstick: She is capable of duplicating herself three times which can act independently to an extent, but all are under the control of the original Flandre.

Wiz: She can also turn into a bat to increase her evasion, use a large flaming sword by the name of Lævatenin, fly, go invisible and fire projectiles of varying size and strength via her Spell Cards.

Boomstick: And because of her vampiric blood, she has strength rivaling an oni, speed that can compete with a tengu and regeneration capabilities.

Wiz: Her sword, while being bigger than her and not allowing her to attack as quick, is still effective in combat. Plus, when she doesn't need to wield it, she can transform it into a wand, which she uses more often.

Boomstick: With the power to destroy anything, including a meteor, there isn't much standing in Flan's way.

Wiz: She doesn't have a lot of combat experience due to residing in a basement for a large portion of her life, though she has shown to at least know how to fight up close.

Boomstick: And she usually doesn't rely on it and thinks of many things as games.

Wiz: Of course, there's a vampire's natural weakness of sunlight, priestesses and holy objects as well, along with water.

Boomstick: But apart from that, Flandre is by far one of the stronger fictional vampires out there.

Pre-Fight[]

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, lets finish the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight[]

Funny had been exploring the many dimensions accessible to him through his Stand, when during a particular dimension hop, he found himself inside of a foreign mansion, with architecture he had never came across before in his life.

Flandre was taking a leisurely stroll throughout the Scarlet Mansion, hoping to work out the kinks she had after being allowed out of the basement after 300 years, that did take it's toll on the body. Hong Meiling was instructed by Remilia to keep an eye of Flandre and her movements. The walk had been mostly quiet until Flandre seemed to flip, becoming more alert, her face twisting into something dark.

Hong Meiling reacted instantly, flying towards the archway where Flandre was looking, moving through and using her immense strength to smash the top of the archway, causing rubble to block Flandre. A futile effort, but it would delay her. Despite her lazy disposition, Hong took her job seriously. This trespasser would feel the wrath of the Scarlet Mansion.

Funny turned his head to the origin of the sound, a vague look of interest on his face. So he wasn't alone- that was the first thought that Funny had. Without thinking about who, what or why, Funny attempted to immediately activate D4C and leave this dimension. Until a woman appeared in the corner of his vision.

"Die trespasser!" Shouted Hong, grabbing a nearby large dining table and using her great strength, she flung it with she could muster, aiming to make the man a bloody smear on the wall.

However, this was exactly what Funny could use against her, he didn't move either horizontally or vertically from his orientation, but simply backed up quickly, brining himself closer to the wall. The table slammed into him a few meters from the wall, pushing him into it with such force that he would have been squished almost instant. However, that wasn't the case.

Hong did not hear the sound of crushed bones, screams or anything to indicate a successful attack. The table merely broke against the wall, land on the floor to reveal no man. Where did he go?

Flandre had bypassed Hong's little distraction and appeared in the room with her, eyebrows raised as she looked around for the subject of her bloodlust. At first, it seemed as though nothing happened, but there was a sudden scream from Hong.

While she was eying the wall, Hong did not notice that Funny himself was slowly emerging from her back, keeping silent as he used the distraction as an opportunity to catch her off guard.

"D4C!" Funny intoned, his Stand appearing behind him, swinging its hand towards Hong's neck, bifurcating the neck from the body, the now decapitated head barely able to scream before it hit the ground. Startled by the sight, Flandre's joyful demeanor turned into one mixed between anger and joy. After analyzing Hong's headless body, she turned to Funny.

"How could you do this!?" Flandre screamed, but the Stand user didn't respond. Instead, he readied for another attack. Seeing no other alternative, Flandre gripped her fists and prepared herself. Before beginning, the vampire gave an unexpected smile, before saying:

"Hopefully, you'll play with me!"

FIGHT!

"This is merely self defense!" Valentine shouted as he pulled a Pistol from inside of his cloak, aiming it at Flandre and pulling the trigger several times in quick succession, aiming about 6 bullets at her head.

Flandre laughed, moving with insane speed of her own, dodging around the bullets with relative ease. After avoiding the bullets trajectory, Flandre raised her hand in the direction of Valentine, firing an energy blast towards his stomach.

Funny threw his pistol to the side, completely discarding it. D4C moved closed to funny and he used it's much superior speed to move him, curving left around the path of the energy blast to be on the left side of Flandre. Wasting no time, D4C dashed towards the side of Flandre at Faster-than-light speeds to repeat he previous kill, swinging his arm for her head.

Flandre wasn't caught out, she bent at the waist to lower her body under the direct path of the deadly hand, staring up at it with an expression of insanity and thirst. Wasting no time, Flandre fired directly at Funny, aiming to obliterate him at close range.

Having anticipated something like this Funny had pulled his large American flag from his clothes, spinning the flag around his body and teleporting into another dimension to avoid the onslaught.

Funny emerged seconds later, popping up behind Flandre, his pistol in one hand. D4C itself preparing to pierce her through the back.

Flandre was not phased, she had seen this emerging behind technique from the death of Hong Meiling. Giggling to herself, she closed her hand and pressed her fingers into her palm. Without warning, the area around her explodes. Large pieces of debris and rock aiming to impale Funny's body.

Funny had not anticipated such an indirect attack at this range and he found himself impaled by various pieces of stone, through his arms, stomach and legs.

"Victory is mine!" Shouted Flandre, forming Laevatenin in her right hand, stepping forwards to slice the falling body directly in half, cleaving Valantine in two.

Funny was glad she didn't press the attack immediately after he was sliced in half. The falling blood, the dust from the explosion, when his upper body landed on the floor, these were able to act as the substance to trap him between two things. The moment Funny landed, he disappeared.

"What?" Flandre shouted in confusion, looking around desperately for the corpse of the man she had just killed, only to find absolutely nothing at all.

Having moved to an alternate dimension, Valentine had emerged near another copy of himself, the Stand D4C jumping over to that body just before the current one died.

"I understand everything." Spoke the new Funny, taking his own flag and spinning it around himself to disappear.

Several seconds later in the same room as Flandre, various Funny Valentines began to appear, surrounding her completely, each holding a pistol. Without even a verbal warning, they began to open up.

Flandre formed 3 clones, which responded in kind to the hail of bullets by shooting them down in the air.

While these clones were distracted by the Funny Valentines, the real one was emerging from the back of the original Flandre Scarlet.

"Impossible! I hadn't finished pla-" Was all Flandre managed to say before her head was utterly cut from her body, falling onto the ground as the various clones made by her disappeared.

"D4C!" Shouted the victorious Funny, stepping out from Flandre's back onto the floor a small smile on his face. Not wanting to waste any time, he wrapped his flag around himself and disappears into the original dimension.

K.O!

Post-Fight Analysis[]

Boomstick: Woah there! We see a repeat of the Maid's death, who would have thought!? Wiz: Shortly after she demonstrated her ability to explode things at will, Funny truly realized that remaining open would eventually be his undoing.

Boomstick: Flandre was just unable to grasp exactly how D4C worked, even if she had guessed how he was teleporting, she was unlikely to be able to prevent it due to Funny's own precautions- such as carrying the flag.

Wiz: In the end, the President knocked Flandre into the dirt with the cheap tactic of emerging from her back. She was done the moment he started taking her seriously.

Boomstick: The Winner is Funny Valentine.

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