| Classic Cartoons Of Carnage | |
|---|---|
| Season | 4 |
| Season Episode | 3 |
| Air date | August 23, 2022 |
| Written by | Professor Mewtwo |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous SMG4 Waluigi vs Peanut Butter Remastered |
Next Tari vs Miko Kubota |
Cuphead vs Peacock is a What-If? Death Battle created by Mattardis and later adopted by Professor Mewtwo it features Cuphead from the video game of the same name pitted against Peacock from the video game Skullgirls.
Description[]
Cuphead vs Skullgirls! These two hitmen of cartoonish-proportions usually have demonic entities at the top of their killing list, but today they've changed their targets to each other. In this blast from the past that will rock the present will the soul-collecting cup or the Skullgirl-hunting cyborg emerge victorious?
Poll[]
Got any roots or bets? Make sure to vote in the discussion poll!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Cuphead, the high-stakes loving hero of the Inkwell Isles.
Boomstick: Peacock, the reality-breaking cyborg from Skullgirls.
Wiz: Ever since the debut of Fantasmagorie in 1908, animation has entertained and inspired billions across the world. Opening their minds to bizarre concepts both humorous and impossible.
Boomstick: But no cartoons did it better than those from the golden age of animation. Without them we never would have had these two rambunctious rabble-rousers. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Cuphead is looking for fun in Death Battle![]
Wiz: If you were to sail off the coast and go about 29 miles, you might come upon a place called the Inkwell Isles. In these lands, you’ll find colorful characters performing wacked-out antics at every corner.
Boomstick: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this place before. Isn’t this the place Bob Hoskins went to in order to save a rabbit?
Wiz: Close. You’re about 17 years off. Though the Inkwell Isles possess many of high-spirit, none can compare to the most adventurous and boldest piece of china there is: Cuphead.
Boomstick: At first glance you might think this teacup on a Mickey Mouse body is a huge pansy, and you would be right. Cuphead spent his days with his brother Mugman under the care of the Elder Kettle. Life was good and simple, but old elephant nose had one rule: never go out too far from home. Of course, kids will be kids so it was only a matter of time before Cuphead and Mugman did just that.
Wiz: And their disobedience brought them to a casino. Entering the building without anyone enforcing the age requirement, Cuphead rolled the dice and landed himself on a winning streak. Fortune beyond his wildest dreams were in grasp until he was approached by the casino’s owner, The Devil himself.
Boomstick: I mean he should have gotten the warning when the guy is literally sitting on top of the casino’s roof. Apparently that didn’t stop him from playing, nor did it stop him from betting his soul against The Devil and losing. Man, that was dumb. Good thing I would never sell my soul for any reason.
Wiz: I had a feeling you were too drunk to remember signing that contract to give me your soul for experimentation.
Boomstick: What contract?
Wiz: Upon realizing that he may have been over his head, Cuphead went and made another stupid decision and struck a deal with The Devil, cause that always ends well. The Devil agreed to spare him in exchange for the souls of the demon’s many debaters. A nearly impossible task to be sure, especially considering those who tried to cheat The Devil happened to be the most dangerous individuals on the Inkwell Isles.
Boomstick: Yeah sound like Cuphead and Mugman were down right f*cked. Though when they brought the news to Elder Kettle, he knew just what to do to give the duo a fighting chance. With the help of a magic potion, Elder Kettle bestowed incredible abilities upon Cuphead that made him a powerhouse unlike any other.
Wiz: Similar to the 1930s cartoons he’s based off of, Cuphead has an unnatural physiology. He can twist his body like it's made of rubber, stretch his limbs to impossible distances, and remove his own head with no repercussions. In addition, Cuphead is an incredibly agile fighter able to jump around, dash in mid-air, or bounce off projectiles to evade enemy attack. Not even meteors or lightning strikes can seem to land a hit on him. And while enemies may struggle to land a hit, he does not as his marksmanship is something to behold. He can casually hit a target dead center with practically anything, including cannons he just happens to have on hand.
Boomstick: That’s probably why the magic potion’s main benefit is giving you guns for hands, easily the best thing to have aside from guns for legs. By doing the classic handgun gesture, Cuphead can fire a barrage of energy bullets with extreme speed and precision. They may not leave much of a scratch, but let the kid build up enough damage and it will lead to devastating effects. And if he doesn’t feel like waiting, Cuphead can charge up energy to unleash a super blast that will tear apart just about anything.
Wiz: And this is just with the Peashooter, Cuphead’s most basic weapon. On his quest to capture those hellbound souls, he’s come across a bunch of other potions that give him access to more literal firearms.
Boomstick: Courtesy of your local one-eyed pig man. How come every weirdo out there ends up having all the good sh*t?
Popup: Cuphead is normally limited to two firearms and a single Charm and Super Art. However, this is merely a game mechanic used to invoke difficulty, and it is very likely that Cuphead can use all his equipment at once.
Wiz: His Spread weapon trades his range to fire multiple bullets at once in varying directions. With Lobber Cuphead can launch balls of liquid that bounce along the ground. Roundabout creates energy boomerangs that can be upgraded into buzzsaws, and Charge stores energy for massive bullets or a point-blank explosion.
Boomstick: That’s nothing. Cuphead can manipulate the elements by making lightning bolts and tornadoes via Converge and Twist-Up respectively. And when pitted up against a particularly difficult foe, looking at you Grim Matchstick, his Chaser takes away the aiming part by homing in on whoever Cuphead needs dead. Add in the equally accurate Crackshot, and Cuphead can even make planets that act like turrets. This cup may be small, but he’s packing the heat of a one-man army.
Wiz: Although, Cuphead’s offense would be nothing without solid support to back it up which he accomplishes through the use of Charms. His most reliable being the Smoke Bomb that lets him teleport short distances for quick getaways. Cuphead can also take the fight up close by turning his straw into an axe with Whetstone to inflict harm by parrying off enemies and with enough successful parries, he can restore health through the Heart Ring.
Boomstick: And when you think the show’s over, Cuphead kicks things into high-gear with a revolutionary invention available to only a select few: the airplane. Look it doesn’t sound that revolutionary, but only a few thousand Americans actually flew in airplanes during that time period.
Wiz: How do you know that?
Boomstick: Granted this plane ain’t for casual trips, it’s a god*mm war machine. It’s equipped with rapid-fire bullets, the ability to shrink itself, giant missiles, drop-down and homing bombs, and for the big finale it’s Cuphead into a nuke to give any unfortunate victim the Wile E Cyote experience.
Wiz: Cuphead’s arsenal is so vast that makes him prepared for any situation, although it’s not what his targets should be worrying about. Turns out Cuphead’s power increases rapidly over time making him stronger upon the defeat of each debater. It increased so fast that in less than two days, he was considered capable of matching The Devil himself.
Boomstick: And everyone knows that anybody who can rival Satan earns themself a spot in the Great Book of Bada$$ery. As a nice bonus, this meant Cuphead had a way out of The Devil’s deal. He didn’t need to sacrifice anyone else, he just had to beat the Prince of Darkness.
Wiz: This wouldn’t be an easy task, that’s why Cuphead took the courtesy of obtaining trump cards. And thanks to the help of the mischievous, yet reliable Legendary Chalice, Cuphead was able to learn the three Super Arts. It does take time to charge up the energy necessary to use them, but they are guaranteed to turn the tides in Cuphead’s favor once he uses them.
Boomstick: His Giant Ghost summons a Stand version of him to clothesline the life of people, Invincibility does what it says for a short timespan, and the Energy Beam washes away all baddies with… uhh… Milk? Alcohol? Tea? Wiz, what is that stuff and can we talk about it here?
Wiz: Don’t worry, it’s not that. The fluid in Cuphead’s head is difficult to determine, but his creators have officially stated that the fluid is the very essence of his soul. Honestly, it’s rather disturbing just to think about.
Boomstick: Does that mean all you have to do is tip Cuphead over and his life will drain out of him? Because that would make it way too easy to kill him. And would he sleep at night without killing himself?
Wiz: Even if such a thing were true, Cuphead has proved time and time again that he cannot be taken down so easily. Whether it be pirates, dragons, genies, etc. none of them stood a chance when they were put up against Cuphead.
Boomstick: His firepower has broken stone pillars and matched Werner Werman who once blew a huge hole into a dam. Not to mention, Cuphead’s running perfectly complements his gunning. The kid can outrun a propeller plane and dodge a laser from the paws of a half-dog, half-chopper thing.
Popup: In The Cuphead Show!, Cuphead had managed to make the moon budge for a brief moment. However, he didn’t end up moving the moon from it’s original position and the length of the rope he used implies that said moon may have been closer and smaller than our own moon.
Wiz: Being pressured by lightspeed projectiles hardly means anything to someone as resilient as Cuphead. He’s tanked falling several stories, being crushed by boulders, getting slammed by whales, hit with explosions strong enough to destroy ships, and kept fighting like it was nothing. His drive to win pushed him to beat King Dice’s minions back to back and win a fighting tournament held by the King of Game himself.
Boomstick: You could say that regardless of the challenge, Cuphead always doubles down.
Wiz: Do you even know what that means?
Boomstick: Nope.
Wiz: Well he certainly did need to “double down” against his most powerful foes, some of which were the size of large buildings like Chef Saltbaker whose fight ended up crumbling the bakery they dueled in.
Boomstick: There’s also Glumstone the Giant who has been mistaken for a mountain, and the good ol’ not-really-good Devil whose pupils were bigger than Cuphead. If this cup, this itty bitty cup armed with nothing but a finger, can topple beings dozens of times bigger than him then it’s hard to imagine him ever losing, and that’s saying something because well… you’ve probably played the game.
Wiz: Sure Cuphead is incredibly strong, though he isn’t infallible. There was a good reason he got stuck in a deal with a Devil, and that reason being that he’s an idiot. Cuphead is reckless and takes any opportunity given to him, usually without second thought. This makes it rather easy for enemies to outwit and lure him into traps.
Boomstick: Fair enough, he is still a kid after all. The same kid that stuck it to The Devil and forced to release all the collected souls, freeing the Inkwell Isles from Hell on Earth. Cuphead saved the day, the people rejoiced, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Wiz: At least for the time being. He got roped into another life-threatening adventure shortly afterwards. Admittedly, Cuphead’s lifestyle is far too dangerous, yet it’s just as Cuphead likes it. Excitement at every turn, plenty of opportunity to prove his excellence, and no matter the odds he will find a way to prevail in the end.
Boomstick: He’s looking for fun, he’s got a hash of the heebies-jeebies, he’s got his bags packed, and you can always be certain Cuphead is ready to go.
Cuphead: What an amazing day. We rode rides.
Mugman: And you owe The Devil your soul.
Cuphead: We played games.
Mugman: And you owe The Devil your soul.
Cuphead: We’re even almost finished with this dumb fence.
Mugman: And you owe The Devil your soul!
Cuphead: Eh. I ain’t too worried about it.
Cuphead fills a cannon with paint and points it at the fence. It was at this moment Elder Kettle walked in.
Elder Kettle: Hey boys! How-
The cannon goes off and blasts Elder Kettle.
Cuphead: Still too much gunpowder.
Mugman: And you still owe The Devil your soul.
Peacock paints Death Battle red![]
Wiz: Long ago a divine trinity of goddesses bestowed humanity with the Skull Heart. Every seven years this ominous object would manifest into the world and any maiden who claimed it could have whatever wish they so desired granted.
Boomstick: That sounds amazing, right? Wrong! Turns out those goddesses were total b*tches and the Skull Heart is basically a practical joke of the gods. Sure it does grant any girl’s wish, but there is a side effect where it turns you into a genocidal commander of the undead better known as a Skullgirl.
Wiz: The purpose of a Skullgirl is to serve the goddesses by wiping out all of humanity. They are easily the most dangerous beings on the planet, requiring whole armies to quell their rampage and leaving only ruin in the aftermath. Many unfortunate souls were met with tragedy thanks to the Skullgirl, though perhaps no tragedy is greater than that of the young Patricia Watson.
Boomstick: As if having her hometown destroyed and getting orphaned by the previous Skullgirl wasn’t bad enough, things got even worse for Patricia when members of the infamous Medici Mafia kidnaped her to be a slave. The only person that kept this poor girl going ended up being her fellow orphan and fellow maid cosplayer Marie Korbel.
Wiz: Who in a cruel twist of irony, was destined to become the next Skullgirl.
Boomstick: Really? D*mn. Patricia really can’t catch a break, can she?
Wiz: You have no idea. After she and Marie endured constant abuse from their captors, Patricia had enough and attempted to stand up to the Medici Mafia. Her attempt ended poorly and when the slave traders deemed Patricia too rebellious to control, they went to extreme measures to silence her.
Boomstick: Yeah… unlike most mafias, the Medicis aren’t generous enough to give you the concrete shoes. Instead, they tore her limbs off, yanked out her teeth, and gouged her eyes out. They did every brutal thing imaginable except kill her, which probably would have been better off doing this would come back to haunt them.
Wiz: Against all manner of reason, Patricia survived her mutilation and was later rescued by Anti-Skullgirl Lab 8, a top secret government organization dedicated to creating super soldiers specifically designed to subdue the Skullgirl. Another Captain America project if you will.
Boomstick: But since the Skullgril had yet to awaken, the boys of Lab 8 were spending their time beating up mafia goons. When they came across Patricia, they knew the girl needed a lucky break so they took her to the head of Lab 8, Dr. Avain, to get her patched up.
Wiz: Though Patricia would desire more than medical attention. Inspired by Lab 8’s amazing power and hardcore pursuit of justice, she became eager to join their ranks and aid them in the battle against the Skullgirl. Seeing no problem with weaponizing a teenage girl with heavy trauma, Dr. Avain welcomed her to the team and modified her into the deadliest Anti-Skullgirl Soldier to date. The results turned Patricia from a helpless orphan to a living harbinger of chaos playfully disguised with a cartoonish-appearance.
Boomstick: And a new look deserved a new name and Patricia had the perfect one in mind: Peacock! Why some fancy bird ended up being her namesake is a mystery to me, though I wouldn't question it since this girl is now a walking cataclysm. Avain may have fixed her physically, but he couldn't fix Peacock's mind which was now eager to destroy everything in sight. And that's a real problem when "everything in sight" is what Peacock sees through those freaky eyes on her metal arms.
Wiz: These eyes aren’t exactly Peacock’s. They are part of a Parasite, supernatural beings that bond to a host and grant them superhuman abilities. This Parasite in particular is an artificial one made by Lab 8 called the Argus System which Dr. Avian created to replace the missing parts of Peacock’s body. Her arms are now strong enough to harm people with a mere poke, her teeth are now a razor-sharp bear trap, her legs can now propel her through the air, and most notably her many eyes, while oddly placed, give her a much wider field of vision than her old ones.
Boomstick: I know what you’re thinking. Does that mean those black dots on her face are hollow eye sockets? The answer is yes, and it’s super creepy.
Wiz: The eyes can also reshape themselves into daggers and fire a beam called Z-rays. Intrestly enough, they have even been measured in wavelength similar to forms of electromagnetic radiation meaning that-
Boomstick: Oh quit the nerd talk, Wiz! It’s a godd*mn laser and you know it!
Wiz: Ruin my fun why don’t you…
Boomstick: The Argus System can easily overpower any target with a barrage of endless laser fire. Of course, Peacock can always kick it up to eleven with the Argus Agony technique where she bust out the giant peacock in her hat to fire a huge-a$$ laser that will down just about anyone. Ok, now that Peacock nickname is starting to make sense.
Wiz: This kind of power is natural to any Parasite, although there is a major drawback. Bonding with a Parasite risks the soul becoming contaminated and using more than one can be fatal. However, Peacock is one of the few exceptions to this rule, proving stubborn enough to handle multiple Parasites without consequence.
Boomstick: That’s why Avain decided to slap another Parasite on her. Meet Avery, a mini-pet-bird-thing that lives in Peacock’s hat and acts as her secret weapon. This little rascal specializes in bending space itself to make portals, allowing Peacock to warp around the battlefield, avoiding enemy attacks then retaliating with her own. Man, imagine what it would be like if I had a mini-Boomstick by my side to back me up. When are we getting to work on that?
Wiz: Absolutely never. One of you is bad enough. Anyways, the main purpose of Avery’s spatial warping is to provide Peacock with direct access to Lab 8 and its underground arsenal, consisting of almost every weapon imaginable. I suppose it's natural when your organization is dedicated to finding ways to kill the stronger being in the world.
Boomstick: She’s got everything you can find in the ACME catalog including deadly cream pies, hammer, shotguns, and canons. Avery even pitches in with surprise attacks from her own mini arsenal of guns, machetes, chainsaws, not-a-Nintendo-knockoff boot, and a giant boxing glove.
Wiz: And that’s the simpler half of Peacock’s weapons. She is quite crafty when she needs to be and has more unconventional weapons on hand inspired by the many, many cartoons she watches in her free time.
Boomstick: This chick could be the ultimate binge watcher if she wanted to be.
Wiz: Peacock’s revolver is perhaps one of her most useful tools. Not only does it shoot gigantic bullets, but if close range is necessary it converts into a fearsome blade to pierce through foes. In addition, Peacock can summon floorboards that literally uppercut from below, spring pads that bounce her back into action, stop signs that stop attacks, cigars with extra-lethal smoke, a baseball bat that grows spikes, a burlap sack for capturing, and for whatever reason a banjo.
Boomstick: There are so many weapons, it's impossible to keep track of them all. And right when you think you’ve seen it all, watch out because Peacock can summon more with the Shadow of Impending Doom. On lucky days you might find yourself struck on the head with something small such as a teacup or a flower pot, but if you’re not so lucky then it will be a piano, giant spike ball, steamroller, or D. all the above. Either way something is definitely falling out of the sky to pull a Newton’s apple.
Wiz: Peacock uses her arsenal to its fullest, striking from every possible angle in more ways than her enemies can count. She’s relentless, obnoxious, and most notably: unpredictable. In fact she’s so unpredictable that she exceeded the expectations of Lab 8’s scientists by pushing her abilities to limits that were not thought possible. Thanks to her love of cartoons and her very concerning insanity, Peacock had further improved Avery’s spatial warping to the point that bending both space AND REALITY.
Boomstick: Don’t bother asking how the hell that works cause nobody really knows. Except for Peacock apparently, who used that power to manifest her thoughts into new weapons, resulting in her ultimate trump card: the Avery Units. This group of misfits is always ready to assist Peacock at her command and while one of them alone can be a real nuisance, when they all get together… well, whoever had the balls to challenge them better have wrote their will in advance.
Popup: Peacock also has awareness of the fourth-wall, an ability that was likely granted from Avery who possesses this same awareness. However, she has never utilized this to a point that it has significantly altered the reality around her.
Wiz: The boxing Andy Anvil and the heavyweight Tommy Ten-Tons act as the muscle of Peacock’s posse, yet her personal favorite pal is George Bomb. Whether it be by foot, by car, or by plane, George always comes in to blast his targets into next week.
Boomstick: Plus the best part about George is that when he blows himself up, there’s always a million more to replace him. Talk about having no shortage of friends. Peacock loves spamming George so much that she ended up making him a big brother called Lonesome Lenny who she keeps hammerspaced inside her pocket.
Wiz: Unlike George, Lonesome Lenny takes a few seconds to detonate, but his bigger blast ensures that anyone caught in it will not survive.
Boomstick: So to recap, she’s a laser-firing cyborg with Looney Tunes gadgets, a gang powered by imagination, and a knack for causing carnage. Yeah, that Dr. Avain guy really broke the mold on this one.
Wiz: No kidding. After a year of training with her newfound abilities, Peacock proved to be Lab 8’s most powerful creation to date. Despite the government being aided by ninja assassins, war heroes, and a bio-engineered monster with a buzzsaw tail, Peacock was still considered their best option for taking down the Skullgirl.
Boomstick: She’s tough enough to tank a point-blank explosion without flinching, moved fast enough to react to lasers from a robot cat girl, and has the muscle needed to launch Big Band, a giant jazz cyborg who weighs 2.5 Tons. Peacock is such a strong fighter that she even forced Annie to not hold back, and she’s a centuries-old warrior who fought multiple Skullgirls.
Wiz: Speaking of whom, Peacock would inevitably come face-to-face with her childhood friend Marie and fight her to save the world. The Skullgirl is not to be taken lightly either. Marie in particular once tore off part of a skyscraper and chucked it across the city like a lawn dart.
Boomstick: That’s some insane strength for a gothy maid, and Peacock is capable of fighting on par with her. Heck, in an alternate timeline Marie managed to beat Peacock into submission and assumed it was over, but surprise she just got up moments later without a scratch on her. Ok, next thing you’re going to say is that this cartoon-lover managed to develop Toon Force, right?
Popup: The different Story Modes of Skullgirls are described as “a history that might have been” and are fated to merge at some point. This means that all versions of Peacock from across the many timelines are all canonical, though only Peacock’s best feats will be considered in order to evaluate her peak potential.
Wiz: Actually the more logical explanation is that Peacock was simply too strong for Marie. Though Marie does possess the power of the Skull Heart, her sheer willpower prevented it from fully corrupting her thus prevented its true power from being unleashed. There are plenty of Skullgirls throughout history who surpass Marie’s power, and Peacock is designed to be stronger than them.
Boomstick: For that reason alone Peacock is pretty convinced she’s the strongest. That might be true, but she’s limited by that cocky attitude. She’ll rush into any situation thinking she’ll win, something a more experienced opponent can take advantage of and catch her by surprise. Still, that didn’t stop Peacock from completing her mission by murdering Marie and blasting the Skull Heart off the face of the Earth, or at least for another seven years.
Wiz: After all was said and done, Peacock learned of Marie’s wish that started the madness. Feeling too weak to save her friend from her cruel oppressors, Marie wished to become the Skullgirl so she could wipe out the Medici Mafia as revenge. Peacock understood Marie perfectly and to ensure her friend would rest in peace she dedicated herself to a new mission: bringing down the criminal syndicate for good.
Boomstick: And she did, successfully bringing the Medici Mafia down its top two members. It really doesn’t matter who you are as long as you're out their harming innocent lives, Peacock will make sure you regret your actions for the short remainder of life you have left.
Wiz: Let this be a warning to those who would cross paths with Peacock. In spite of her appearance, she is the deadliest cartoon enthusiast you’ll ever meet, and the last thing you want is to play the villain in her Murderous Melodies.
Avery: SQUAK! Wake up, Peacock! The Theonite Resonance Detector is picking up a huge reaction downtown!
Andy: It’s her, boss! The Skullgirl is on the move!
Peacock: Hot damn! Put some coffee on, and gimme 15!
One dress up sequence later…
Peacock: Ready, everyone! It’s time to paint the town red!
Death Battle![]
River King Casino, one of the most popular joints in the lively city of New Meridian. If you aren’t intrigued by the beautiful décor featuring giant whales and dolphins hanging on the ceiling along with the giant tubes of water creating a mini-aquarium, then you would definitely be drawn to the many games this gambling facility had to offer.
It has Slots, Blackjack, Caribbean stud, Roulette, and even Craps: a simple game where you can roll the die and win big. This specific game can be very addicting, especially if you’re a Mickey Mouse tribute with a cup for a head named Cuphead, and he just so happened to be playing at the Casino’s Craps Table. For the past few rolls, he had been winning non-stop, racking up chips thanks to some incredible luck. Currently, it was his turn to be the shooter, and certain that he couldn’t lose, Cuphead shook the dice in his hand and threw them onto the table where they landed on a six and one.
Dealer: That’s Seven! The cup-headed gentleman wins again!
Cuphead: Hot dawg! I hope this streak never ends!
Lawrence: Godd*mmit!
From the other side of the table stood two shady men named Lawrence and Riccardio. The former had joined the game around the same time as Cuphead and in contrast to the Indie Hero was on a pretty bad losing streak. His partner anticipated a further burst of violence and put his hand on Lawrence’s shoulder to calm him down.
Riccardo: Careful, Lawrence! Vitale would get real mad if we caused a scene here!
Lawrence: I know. I know. But if that stinkin’ teacup doesn’t stop winning, I’m going to slit his throat.
Cuphead: Ha! Good luck with that!
Overhearing the two, Cuphead grabs his handle to lift his head off his shoulders. The unexpected removal of his head both shocked and agitated his rival gambler.
Cuphead: See? No neck.
Lawrence: Oh you're a wise guy, huh? Tell ya what, how about we raise the stakes?
Cuphead: What do you mean?
Lawrence: We have a few connections in this here casino. If you win the next roll, we’ll get you in on the VIP treatment. With the best games, drinks, and women this city can offer, it's endless fun.
Cuphead: ENDLESS FUN!? Wait, what if I lose?
Riccardo: If you lose, then your life is forfeit to the Medicis. We’ll let Vitale figure out what to do with you.
Cuphead stared at the sneering mean for a second. This bet sounded very similar to the one he made at a previous casino, and he knew losing had consequences he didn’t want to face. Unfortunately, Cuphead was too tempted by the “fun” of the VIP section, and decided to take the bet anyways.
Cuphead: You're on! When it comes to games like this, I always double down!
Lawrence: Ha! That’s what I like to hear!
With the side bet made, Cuphead and Lawrence put their chips on the table. The latter noticed that his flat-headed friend betted on “Any Seven” again and grinned as he nodded at the dealer who nodded back in return.
What Cuphead failed to realize is that the “Medicis” Riccardo mentioned are a notorious crime family and are also the owners of the casino. Practically everyone working inside was a no good dirty criminal, and if someone working for the Medicis, such as Lawrence, willed it they would lie, cheat, or steal to ensure the house always wins.
Dealer: It’s your turn to shoot.
The wicked dealer handed Riccardo a pair of dice. They seemed identical to the one Cuphead threw moments earlier, but in truth these were loaded dice set to land on snake eyes. These dice guaranteed Cuphead’s loss and eternal servitude to the Medici Mafia. It also helped that Lawrence put all his remaining chips on the double 1 square. Laughing triumphantly, Lawrence shook the loaded dice in his hand and prepared to make the winning roll.
Lawrence: Hope you’re ready cup face, because luck has just run out for one of us!
Lawrence was just a swing away from rolling those devious snake eyes when suddenly he and Cuphead heard a loud crashing sound from above. They looked up quickly and saw what appeared to be a 1940s Roadster about to crush them.
Riccardo: What the fu-
And just as the reader predicted, the car landed the two gangsters, crushing them along with the Craps table. The only survivors were Cuphead and the dealer who got knocked back by the shockwave. Cuphead got up first and rubbed his eyes so he could see what happened. He got a perfectly good look at the Roadster that smashed the table, and the ones who drove it there.
Inside the Roadster were a posse of peculiar people consisting an anvil named Andy Anvil, a weight named Tommy Ten-Tons, and a giant bomb named Lonesome Lenny. Though the most peculiar of the bunch happened to be the girl at the steering wheel. She had a maid outfit on, noodle-like arms decorated with menacing eyes, and a sharp tooth smile that could woo the devil himself. Her name was Patricia Watson, but she preferred to be called by her codename: Peacock.
Peacock: Ooowee, what a ride! So is this the River King Casino?
Tommy: This looks like the place, boss.
Peacock: Great! For a second I thought we took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. Now if what Ol’ Brass Breath mentioned is correct, this place is filled with those Mafia goons, and it’s our duty to make sure that every last one is thoroughly beaten, bruised, and buried.
As Peacock exited the car, her feathery right hand Avery popped out of her hat and looked back to see Lawrence and Riccardo lying dead under the vehicle. Avery relayed this to Peacock to inform her of their progress.
Avery: SQUAK! Looks like we can scratch two off the list!
Peacock: Sheesh! The fun hasn’t even started yet. These guys break too easily, and as much as I love disposing of these jerks, I’m really hoping someone in this joint puts up a decent fight.
The phrase “careful what you wish for” seemingly went over Peacock’s head because that wish was just about to be granted. Cuphead, who had stood there in silence up till now, came to his senses and ran up to Peacock, grabbing her by the arm to address a serious issue.
Cuphead: Hey lady! What’s the big idea ruining my game!
Peacock turned around and saw Cuphead up close. She took note of how he looked like a cartoon character from one of her shows, but not one she would take seriously.
Peacock: Well aren’t you adorable. Step aside squirt, I don’t have time to party with a half-pint teacup.
The cyborg girl pushed Cuphead aside and continued walking deeper into the casino. However, Cuphead was greatly offended by Peacock’s insults and pointed a finger at her in retaliation.
Cuphead: Half-pint!? I can hold a whole gallon in here!
With a flick of his wrist, Cuphead shot a blast of blue energy from his finger and it whacked Peacock right in the back of her neck. This only made the girl flinch, but it was enough to get her attention as she turned around with a wicked smile.
Peacock: Well blow me down! Guess you got more spunk in you than I thought!
Cuphead: You ain’t seen nothing yet! Just wait until I'm about ta beat some respect into ya!
Cuphead got his finger ready again and Peacock responded by pulling out a revolver, turning the ruined space of the casino into a high-noon showdown.
Peacock: Very well, I could use a warm-up round. But, don’t go crying over your own spilled milk when I wipe the floor with ya!
The dealer got up and noticed the two cartoonish characters about to face off. He didn’t know what was going on, but his instincts kicked in and turned him from a Craps Table dealer to an announcer that would start the show. He got out an old microphone and made the announcement that would start this kerfuffle.
Dealer: A good day for a swell battle! And begin!
WALLOP!!!
Cuphead and Peacock blasted their weapons, the former shaking their finger to fire energy bullets and the latter spewing out giant bullets. Though the projectiles were fast, both characters proved faster as they ran around the casino avoiding each other’s attacks while also continuing to strike back with their own. It appeared to be a stalemate until Cuphead threw a Roundabout into the mix. Peacock easily avoided that energy disc, but didn’t notice it turning around and coming back at her. Fortunately for her, Avery took a peek out of her hat and saw the incoming danger.
Avery: Behind you, Peacock!
Peacock heard her partner’s words and looked back to see the Roundabout coming back. She ducked just in time to avoid it and gave a sigh of release.
Peacock: Phew. That was a close one.
Granted, Peacock wasn’t exactly out of danger. In fact, turning around gave Cuphead an opening to fire an extra large energy bullet that smacked Peacock hard causing her to tumble backwards. She immediately got up, but her expression implied that she did not enjoy that sneak attack.
Peacock: Wise guy, eh? I’ll show y-
Peacock’s retort was interrupted by more energy bullets pelting her in the face, courtesy of Cuphead. The cup kept up his relentless assault running towards his opponent during his constant gunfire then delivering an uppercut to Peacock’s jaw, sending her flying into the air.
Cuphead: How do you like that? You ruined my game, so I’m bringing you the pain.
After that remark, Cuphead heard the slide whistling sound and saw the ever growing shadow that indicated his opponent coming downwards. Preparing to continue his attack, Cuphead points his finger upwards, only to be crushed by an inexplicable piano with Peacock on top.
Peacock: Guess you were a bit off key there!
The hood of the piano opened up and out came Cuphead walking around dizzy and flattened. He quickly recovered by taking the straw on his head and blowing into it to reinflate his body, but that also gave Peacock enough time to pull out her shotgun to blast him away.
Peacock: Be very, very quiet. I’m hunting teacups.
Peacock made a dash for her opponent as he slowly got up from the attack, then shot him in the butt so hard that he leaped into the air.
Cuphead: Yeowch!
Receiving the message, Cuphead started running from Peacock as the two engaged in a classic chase scene. The cyborg girl fired her shotgun again and again in an attempt to shatter the cup’s head, but Cuphead managed to avoid the blasts this time by jumping whenever she fired. Of course, even Cuphead knew he couldn’t keep up that evasiveness forever.
Cuphead: Gee wiz! I need to find a way to get this crazy chick off me!
Cuphead looked around for a means of escape and got an idea when he noticed a roulette table nearby. On one side there were hundreds of chips stacked to place bets and on the other side was the roulette wheel with a pink pearl at the very top. Cuphead sped up and jumped onto the pearl, parrying it so hard that the force flipped the table and catapulted the chips like a tidal wave of plastic.
Peacock tried backing up, but got hit with the chips anyway and they pushed her back into another table. She got up easily, though the chips hit her surprisingly hard and even got into her eye sockets. The cyborg spat out the chips as they landed into a stack right onto her hand.
Peacock: I’m really starting to hate that cup.
Chips Betttigan: You and me both, pardner.
Peacock noticed that the stack of chips had formed a face and cowboy hat which would have freaked her out if not for the fact that he wasn’t the first living object that came out of her head. What did surprise her was the sudden lightning bolt that hit the chips and zapped them into a pile of dust. Looking across the casino, she saw that the assailant was none other than Cuphead pointing his finger at her.
Cuphead: That all ya got, toots?
Peacock: Ya kiddin? I haven’t even taken this seriously yet!
The cyborg girl took out a hammer and ran towards her enemy. Cuphead fired more lightning bolts to stop her, but Peacock had no trouble dodging such a feeble attempt. Once she got close, Peacock leapt into the air and swung down her mallet, only for Cuphead to jump out of the way at the last second and counter with his Spread attack.
Cuphead’s triple threat of spiked bullets struck Peacock hard, damaging her all over. She tried to back away, although Cuphead wouldn’t allow that as he walked towards her to ensure she stayed within firing range. Realizing that retreat was not an option, Peacock instead went on the offensive and slammed her foot into the ground. This caused a floorboard to spring up and use its fist to punch Cuphead where no cup should be punched.
Cuphead: OW! MY TWO LUMPS!
In that outburst, Cuphead stopped firing allowing Peacock to retaliate with a baseball bat that started growing spikes everywhere.
Peacock: Batter up!
Peacock swung her bat and launched Cuphead far away. The cup crashed into a nearby slot machine where he went right up the payout tray and forced the machine to roll its slots. Those slots spun for a while and eventually stopped on a jackpot with three replicas of Cuphead’s head, all with pitch black eyes.
Cupheads: HA! HA! HA! HAA!
The Cupheads on the slots laughed before the machine burst into pieces. In the middle of the explosion was the real Cuphead who now sported a golden glow. Not daunted by the palette swap, Peacock pounced at Cuphead to whack him again resulting in her bat snapping apart upon impact.
Peacock: Now that just ain’t fair.
Cuphead made his own move and punched Peacock in the stomach, sending her back a few feet. This left her in perfect range for Cuphead’s attacks, and he proceeded to fire them as he used his Lobbers to bash Peacock relentlessly with balls of liquid.
Peacock didn’t let the attacks daze her for long and smacked one of them aside, making it burst like a water balloon. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out two copies of her friend: George Bomb, one for each hand, and hurled them at her opponent. They exploded right in Cuphead’s face, covering it in smoke, but the golden glow still in effect they didn’t even faze him. The cup fanned the smoke out of his way and saw that his opponent had disappeared and knew that wasn’t good.
Cuphead: Where’d she go?
Peacock: Right here!
Peacock revealed herself to be right behind Cuphead and kicked him from behind. Though he didn’t feel any pain, Cuphead was still provoked into turning around. He tried to fire an energy bullet directly into Peacock’s face, but the cyborg girl dodged by jumping into a hole below her which then shrunk away from existence.
Cuphead: What the heck!?
Cuphead was confused about what had happened, though he didn’t get time to think about it as he felt something bounce off the back of his head and turned around to see Peacock holding a recently fired revolver.
Peacock: Surprised to see me?
Cuphead started to get angry and tried to shoot her again. However, Peacock jumped down another hole to escape and immediately afterwards another hole appeared for Peacock to emerge from.
Peacock: Over here!
Once again the cup fired his energy bullets, hoping to tag his elusive foe, yet he couldn’t manage to do so with Peacock teleporting all over the place taunting him.
Peacock: Missed me! Missed again! Woo Hoo! Woo Hoo! Woo Hoo! Woo Hoo! Woo Hoo!
Unable to get a lock on the cyborg, Cuphead knew he had to change tactics and busted out his Chaser. He fired some green bullets at Peacock that initially missed her as she went down another hole, but then went down to go into the hole with her. Peacock soon emerged from another hole, unaware of what had happened.
Peacock: D*mn! You couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn.
The green bullets came out of the hole and went “Pow” right in her kisser. This left Peacock spinning around dizzily like a stunned Street Fighter character and it was just what Cuphead needed to finish the job.
Cuphead: I’ve got you now!
Cuphead leaped forward to lay the smackdown on Peacock, although his attack was halted when a gloved hand grabbed him from behind and suspended him in midair. The hand then turned Cuphead around to reveal its owner: Andy Anvil accompield by Tommy Ten-Tons, and neither were looking very pleased.
Tommy: You got nerve pickin on the boss, pipsqueak.
Andy: Yeah! And we’re going to make you regret it!
Cuphead: Fat chance, steel-for-brains! As long as I’m like this, I’m invincible!
Andy: Wanna bet?
Andy pulled back his other fist to prepare a sucker punch. Cuphead was confident that he would take it unscathed, that is until his golden glow wore off and he was back to his normal, vulnerable self. With that in mind, Cuphead gave an “uh-oh” face then burst out into a panic.
Cuphead: Wait wait wait! Time out!
But it was too late. Andy threw his punch and knocked Cuphead into a wall. The anvil wasn’t done yet as he pounced on Cuphead and started beating him so hard that it covered the two in a cloud of smoke with parts of their bodies and stars popping out of it. Tommy jumped into this smoke cloud to join the action and soon enough the smoke cloud moved around the casino wrecking any machines, tables, and cocktail waitresses that came in its path.
Peacock: Hold it!
The smoke cloud dissipated to see Cuphead, Andy, and Tommy freeze-framing their fight as they grappled parts of each other's bodies and ready to throw more punches. They all looked at Peacock who cracked her knuckles and Avery who had a giant boxing glove that she looked eager to use.
Peacock: Mind if we join in?
Cuphead: Umm… No girls allowed?
Andy: Screw that! Go right ahead, boss!
Peacock: Sweet!
Peacock smiled wider and jumped into the pile, restarting the smoke cloud and continuing its onslaught. After a bit more property destruction and hostess hospitalization, Cuphead had enough and wanted to let everyone know it.
Cuphead: Enough!
Using a charged Spread, Cuphead launches spiked projectiles in all directions and repels his enemies away. He sees Andy and Tommy land right in front of him, still in a fighting position.
Cuphead: You guys don’t quit, do ya?
Tommy: You’ll have to do better than that to make us move.
Cuphead: Well if you insist, let’s see if you can handle this!
Cuphead switched to his Crackshot and fired it so hard that it made a pink planet that spun around and made energy shots. Those energy shots pelted Andy and Tommy in the head, not doing much damage, but it sure as hell annoyed them.
Andy: Hey! Watch it!
The pink planet stopped firing and grew some arms and a mouth. It then stuck its tongue out and made a mocking gesture before flying off to prompt its targets to chase it, which they did.
Andy: Oh you are so dead!
Tommy: We’re gonna to murderize ya!
As the two heavyweights left, Cuphead wiped his hands confidently, believing that the job was done.
Cuphead: Welp, that takes care of that.
Unfortunately, he forgot about their leader Peacock who snuck up from behind and trapped him within a burlap sack.
Peacock: Surprise! Forgetting about da boss ain’t wise.
Cuphead: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one…
Now that her opponent was trapped, Peacock got out her hammer again with the intention of smashing the lump inside her sack. She swung down hard and hit the sack, but the lump moved to the other side of the sack causing her to miss. The cyborg girl tried again only to get the same result as Cuphead once again escaped by moving to the other side. Peacock became extremely frustrated by the repeated failures and started swinging the hammer uncontrollably, not even paying attention to whether she actually hit the target or not.
While Peacock made her rage swings, Cuphead secretly teleported out of the sack and reappeared behind his opponent. He whistled as he charged up his Charge attack. Once it reached full power, Cuphead pointed it at Peacock who was still fixated on her sack smashing and blasted her far away.
Cuphead: Ha! What a maroon!
Bowl Boy: Actually, I believe the word you’re looking for is moron.
Cuphead: Nobody asked you, Bowl Boy!
Peacock continued to fly towards a nearby wall, but she wasn’t going to crash into it. The cyborg girl summoned a springboard on the wall and when she crashed into it, the spring cushioned the impact and slowed her down. She then got into position and got ready for the spring to work its magic.
Peacock: No matter how many times you knock me down, I always bounce back!
The spring pushed Peacock with incredible force, sending her right back to Cuphead in a split-second. Peacock took out her chainsaw and swung the murder weapon at Cuphead, who used his teleportation to dodge and reappear behind his opponent. That trick wouldn’t fool Peacock twice as she spun around and gave a horizontal swing, forcing Cuphead to jump high into the air so he didn’t get torn in half.
The cup retaliated by turning his straw into an axe and swinging it down at Peacock. Acting quickly, Peacock used her chainsaw to match the blow. Both weapons struck with such intensity that sparks started flying all around them. It even got the attention of Avery who peaked out of Peacock’s hat to get a glimpse of the action.
Avery: Hot diggity! This fight is gettin to be a real killer diller! But it’s a bit too close for comfort.
That's when Avery decided to get her tiny shotgun and point it at Cuphead.
Avery: Suppose it’s my turn to play the Devil’s advocate!
Avery shot Cuphead in the face and made him flinch. This provided Peacock the opportunity to slash Cuphead a few times before switching to a cannon that blasted Cuphead through one of the casino’s glass tanks, causing water to spill everywhere. The tiny bird wasn’t done yet as she jumped onto Peacock’s shoulder to relay a new attack plan.
Avery: Let me at 'em, Peacock! I’ll show him what for!
Peacock: You got it!
Avery jumped into Peacock’s canon, and the cyborg girl launched her with a yank of the fuse.
Peacock: Bombs away!
On the other end of the casino, Cuphead was shaking the excess water off and getting Nemo out of his mouth. Getting wet was quite the surprise, though not nearly as surprising as what came next.
Avery: Coming at ya!
Avery swooped in and used a machete to slash Cuphead across the chest and make him flinch even more. She then grabbed Cuphead by the rim of his head and pulled herself back to her opponent to deal more slashes all while Cuphead struggled to grab his assailant.
Cuphead: Ow! Stop that! Ow! Get back here! Ow!
Cuphead was reaching all over his body, limbs stretching and wrapping around himself, but not once making contact with Avery due to her small size and quick movements. After one more strike for the bird, Cuphead fell over and his limbs unraveled. Things looked bleak for the cup until he saw a waitress walk by holding a tray of bottles, one of which happened to be exactly what he needed.
Cuphead: That’s it!
Using his stretched out arm, Cuphead reached for one of the bottles and brought back a spray bottle labeled: “Bird-B-Gone: For All Your Cheap Plot Device Based Needs”.
On Cuphead’s back Avery held her machete upside down like she was about to do a demonic ritual on Cuphead’s soon-to-be corpse. Those plans came to an abrupt halt when a huge cloud of gas, courtesy of the Bird-B-Gone, enveloped Avery resulting in her coughing uncontrollably.
Avery: *hack* Sufferin Succotash! *wheeze* What is this stuff? *cough*
Eventually, Avery ran out of breath and fell to the floor, allowing Cuphead to get up and kick her away.
Cuphead: And good riddance!
Cuphead was then attacked by a laser that barely managed to dodge. He turned around, once again putting his attention on Peacock, who fired the laser from her eye, and the latter looked angrier than ever.
Peacock: You’re really getting on my last nerve! I’m going to do to you what a bull does to your brothers in a china shop.
Cuphead: But Mugman has never been to China.
Ignoring that corny joke, Peacock stretched out her arms and fired a barrage of lasers at Cuphead. The cup made a comeback by firing his Peashooter at each of the eyes so that they wouldn’t squint shut from the pain.
Peacock: Gah! There’s something in my eyes! I’m completely vulnerable!
When Cuphead heard that he ran at Peacock and got a Charge attack ready to blast the cyborg’s head off. It seemed like Peacock was done for, but then she pulled out her cannon and her eyes opened up, revealing everything to be a bluff.
Peacock: Psyche!
Cuphead panicked so hard that his eyes flew out of his head. Peacock pulled the trigger and launched a cannonball at her foe, who turned things around by teleporting past the cannonball and popping up right in front of Peacock.
Cuphead: Right back at ya!
Cuphead felt his Charge reach full power and let it rip. Peacock wasn’t going to fall for the same trick twice and ducked away from the blast and counted by having her metal jaw spring forth to bite Cuphead’s kneecaps. She didn’t prove to be fast enough as Cuphead jumped over her jaws and nailed her into the ground with the many spikes of his Spread attack. The cup landed on the other side of Peacock and changed to his Twist-Up weapon to fire a bunch of tornadoes that blew the cyborg girl into the air and spun her around fast.
After keeping Peacock airbound, Cuphead decided to halt his tornadoes and watched as his opponent crashed into the ground. She got up easily, but could barely stand on her own two legs and the eyes on her arms were spinning around.
Peacock: Yowza! I feel dizzier than a swigger!
Peacock snapped out of it thanks to Cuphead hitting her with a giant blue energy blast that sent her several feet away. She landed on her feet and made a run for it, but knew that Cuphead would inevitably pursue her. Needing to act fast, Peacock reached into her pockets to find a weapon, but with Avery knocked out she couldn’t pull anything out of thin air. Heck, she was lucky enough to have had the cannon since it was already out.
Peacock: Yeah, it’s real inconvenient. Ain’t it?
Deciding to check her hat, Peacock hoped Avery left something behind for her to fight back with, and sure enough she found something. The cyborg girl pulled the object out of her hat and saw that what she had was a single cigarette. Useless in the hands of most people, but to Peacock, it couldn’t be more perfect of a weapon.
Peacock: This’ll do. Smoke if you got 'em!
Peacock used a laser eye to light up the cigar then breathed in the tobacco. Next, she turned around, seeing Cuphead getting closer and huffed out a huge smoke cloud to stop him.
Cuphead: Ha! You really think you can stop me with a smoke cloud?
Cuphead prepared to run through the smoke and catch up to his opponent, only for the cloud to let out a big fist to punch the cup right in the face and make him land on his back.
Cuphead: What do you know? They were right about secondhand smoke being harmful.
Things were around to get even worse for Cuphead starting with the spiked ball falling from about. Cuphead got a perfect glimpse of the ball from where he lied and dodged it just in time. For a second he thought it was safe, but then a shadow appeared where he stood, and Cuphead knew that meant trouble. He leaped to the side right before an elephant could crash into him, and his dodging went on longer when he got forced to avoid more raining projectiles including TVs, safes, fridges, and other heavy things.
Cuphead: Where are all these things coming from anyways?
Cuphead looked at Peacock, thinking she had to be behind these shenanigans, but the girl was just watching casually smoking her cigar with a smile.
Peacock: Don’t look at me. She’s the one running the show.
Cuphead then noticed an even bigger shadow covering him and looked up to see that this time he had to dodge a falling steamroller. Much to his surprise, a newly revived Avery stood on top of the vehicle and she didn’t seem too happy about being hit with the spray bottle earlier.
Avery: SQUAK! It's payback time! WRRRRRYYYYYYY!
Cuphead: Not you again. No more fooling around! Time to pull out the big guns!
Cuphead concentrated with all his might and a pink heart began to glow from his chest. That heart rose from his body and grew into a giant ghost Cuphead with the swolest muscles you’ve ever read about. The real Cuphead then pointed his finger at the incoming steamroller to inform the other Cuphead of his target.
Cuphead: You know what to do! Sick 'em!
And with that, the age-old rivalry between the ghost man and the steamroller ensued. The ghost Cuphead blitzed the steamroller with a flurry of punches (Ora Ora Ora), and its superhuman strength kept the steamroller from falling and started denting it as well. Granted, there was still the matter of Avery on board and she wouldn’t let the ghost win so easily. In response, Avery beat down on the steamroller in an attempt to speed up its descent.
Avery: Useless! Useless! Useless! USELESS!
Despite Avery’s lack of power, the small difference she made happened to be enough to increase the downward velocity of the vehicle and push the ghost Cuphead back. Now that punching the steamroller proved to be ineffective, the ghost Cuphead changed tactics and grabbed the ends of the steamroller. He followed it up by spinning around, getting faster and faster as he built up momentum. Avery had trouble holding on to her machine and flew off within a couple of seconds. Fortunately, she was caught by Peacock the moment after.
Avery: Thanks for the save.
Peacock: Of course. I would never leave a fellow toon behind.
During the reunion, the ghost Cuphead decided to let go of the steamroller and threw it far away from the battlefield. It flew towards another section of the casino where Tommy Ten-Tons was busy holding the pink planet by the arms while Andy Anvil repeatedly punched it in the stomach. After one last punch, the planet dissipated and the two looked relieved now that the deed had been done.
Andy: Glad that’s over. Now let’s get back to cracking that cup!
Before they even took their first step, the steamroller came in and bounced off the duo’s heads.
Andy: Did you catch the number of that car?
Tommy: Nope.
Then the concussions kicked in and the two fell unconscious.
The next destination of the steamroller was the very end of the casino where a Medici mobster was yelling at a bunch of painters tasked with painting the wall pink with their roller.
Mobster: Faster you morons! Cancer Awareness Month is coming up soon, and we need this place looking pinker than a little girl’s birthday party so it looks like we care about something!
Painter: We would, but these rollers are so small. If only we had a bigger roller to make this easier.
To answer that prayer, the steamroller crashed into the wall and injured everyone in the way. It even caused a can of pink paint to go flying into the air.
Mobster: (*cough*) (*cough*) Will that roller do?
Painter: Forget the roller. (*cough*) Now I need an ambulance.
And for no reason in particular, an ambulance also crashed into the wall and further harmed the victims.
Painter: That’s not what I meant.
Cuphead: Golly! That sure was crazy!
Peacock: Yeah! A real “blast” to watch!
Suddenly, a bomb came flying in and exploded on the ghost Cuphead, destroying the entity.
Peacock: And so was that.
Cuphead got a look of Peacock who had a bunch of George the Bombs in her hands which were immediately thrown in the cup’s direction.
Cuphead: Looks like I gotta make an exit stage left!
Cuphead tried to exit stage left, but stopped when he saw George waving at him.
Cuphead: Ok, exit stage right!
Cuphead tried to exit stage right, but stopped at another George waving at him.
Cuphead: Ok, exit stage…
By then it was too late. All he could see were George the Bombs surrounding him, waving while their fuses reached their ends.
Cuphead: Oh poop.
And Kaboom! The bombs exploded and sent Cuphead flying into the air.
Peacock: Sorry, but you can’t leave the stage until your performance is over.
Peacock rapidly hurled Georges into the air to blast Cuphead to smithereens. The cup panicked, trying to figure a way out and he got one when he saw a bucket of pink paint fly by. He grabbed the bucket and threw the paint at the bombs, turning them all pink. He then dashed towards one and parried off so hard that it popped out of existence. Using the momentum of the parry, Cuphead proceeded to do the same to the other George the Bombs until there were no more present.
Peacock: Hey! Those are supposed to go “Boom” not “Pop”!
Cuphead: And now you’re going to go “Kablooey”!
Feeling a surge of energy from the consecutive parries, Cuphead decided to unleash all his power at once. He aimed his head at Peacock and spun himself around. This stirred the liquid in his head which came out as a powerful stream that threatened to kill Peacock with a kablooey of Cuphead juice.
Peacock: Ha! Is that supposed to be some sort of special attack? Let me show you what a real special attack looks like!
Peacock grabbed her hat and tore it in half, revealing a massive mechanical bird head underneath. The bird opened its mouth to reveal a devastating laser cannon in the midst of charging up.
Peacock: Argus Agony!
The bird head fired its laser and it collided with Cuphead’s Energy Beam. The attacks pressed against each other and pushed back and forth making it impossible to tell which would break through. However, Peacock wasn’t a one-trick pony and backed it up by bringing out an array of eyes that threw in some more laser blasts. They helped press against the opposing Energy Beam until the attack broke through and hit Cuphead directly, sending him through the ceiling and out of the casino.
Peacock: Holy smokes! That one sent the sippy cup sky high!
Cuphead: Which is why you should look out below!
The sound of her Mickey-clone’s voice made Peacock tense up. She knew that meant the fight wasn’t over yet, and that held true when Cuphead came back into the casino, flying an airplane. Cuphead fired bullets from the plane, forcing Peacock to flee so she wouldn’t know what it felt like to be swiss cheese.
Peacock: Might want to be careful up there. Forecast calls for unexpected showers!
Peacock took out a whistle and blew into it. Cuphead stayed wary trying to figure out what happened next, and he knew what it was when he felt a shadow overhead. He maneuvered the plane to avoid a falling safe, but soon realized that it wouldn’t be the only thing coming out of the sky. Soon he was avoiding bowling balls, flower pots, and a bunch of other random junk.
The cyborg girl hoped that one of the falling objects would successfully sink Cuphead’s plane, and she smiled when a huge cluster of them came falling down at once. Peacock didn’t think Cuphead had enough room to avoid it, but he proved her wrong by shrinking the plane and going through the gaps.
Cuphead: Nice try, but I ain’t falling for that one again!
Peacock: Guess you finally got smart. Of course, I’m still going to shoot your bird out of the sky!
Peacock changed tactics and took out her revolver to fire some bullets that hit the side of the plane causing it to tumble a bit. Cuphead regained balance no problem, although that attack did prove him.
Cuphead: So that’s how it’s going to be. Well let’s see how you deal with THIS!
Cuphead pushed a button and a hatch opened on the bottom of his airplane. A bomb came out that hatch and headed towards Peacock who simply held up a sign that said: “I don’t get paid enough for this”. The bomb hit Peacock dead-on and made an explosion that covered Peacock in a huge dust cloud.
Cuphead: Let’s see ya get up after that!
Cuphead looked pretty satisfied, but that smirk of his turned to a frown when he heard the song Flight of the Valkyries (you know the one that goes Bum Da Da Bum Bum! Bum Da Da Bum Bum!).
Cuphead: That doesn’t sound good.
And Cuphead was proved right when an army of tiny planes came out of the smoke, each piloted by a George. One of the George did a kamikaze and rammed into Cuphead’s plane, exploding on impact making it spiral out of control. Cuphead barely managed to regain control, though it didn’t help that he now had other planes chasing him. He flew away in hopes of losing them and while Peacock guided the Georges using his flags.
Peacock: That’s right boys! Show that cup-faced freak what a real dogfight looks like!
Peacock’s efficient guiding skills helped the bombs chase down their target and drive him into a corner. The bombs were coming in at every angle, but Cuphead was ready to face the attackers head-on.
Cuphead: You want a piece of me! Well then, come and get me!
Cuphead activated his airplane’s trump card and turned the entire thing, including himself, into a hydrogen bomb. He charged into the horde of George and they all went off at once. The explosion became so massive that the roof of River King Casino got blasted into a million pieces leaving nothing but the open night sky. It also woke up Andy and Tommy from their comas, and the unexpected noise left them panicked.
Andy: I’m up! I’m up!
Tommy: Hey! This place is falling apart!
Andy: You’re right! We better find the boss quick before something bad happens!
Back at the main scene, Cuphead had successfully blown up all the rival planes, but at the cost of his own shattering to pieces. As for Cuphead himself, he was dazed and falling to the ground where Peacock waited for him.
Peacock: Told ya I’d shoot that bird out of the sky! Now let’s bring this show to its climactic finale!
Taking her revolver, Peacock pressed hard on it and out came a knife. Now in its melee weapon state, Peacock charged in and it didn’t take long for Cuphead to snap out of it and notice his incoming enemy.
Cuphead: I can’t stands no more of this! I’m ending things here!
Cuphead got both hands into position and fired a huge barrage of energy bullets. Peacock made short work of them by deflecting them with her knife, forcing Cuphead to change to the more powerful Charge. He got it to full power quickly and blasted it at Peacock. The cyborg girl attempted another deflect, but the Charge attack still knocked her away. However, rather than landing on the ground, Peacock made a portal to fall through and used another one to jump out of the ground and appear right behind Cuphead.
The cyborg girl punched Cuphead hard enough to send him towards the ground faster. She followed it up with a series of lasers only for Cuphead to use his own teleportation to avoid it. Cuphead fired his Twist-Up to hit the airbound Peacock who reacted by using her jet feet to boost away and get close enough to Cuphead to slice him with her blade, chipping the rim of his head a bit. This move ended up being a double-edged sword as Cuphead used the close distance to fire a powered-up Charge attack and sent Peacock flying with a sudden explosion.
Peacock changed her knife back into a gun and pointed in retaliation, but Cuphead knocked it out of her hands with a single energy bullet. Cuphead kept up the pressure with more energy bullets forcing his opponent to get her stop sign and use it as a shield. The sign certainly did it’s job, although Peacock could feel herself being pushed back with every hit.
Peacock: Need some help here! You got any ideas?
Avery: Just one!
Avery popped out of Peacock’s hat with a spring loaded boxing glove. She activated the device and it extended far enough to sucker punch Cuphead and knock him into a blackjack table. Peacock got her hammer ready to pound Cuphead, but stopped for a second when she saw Andy and Tommy, still dozens of feet away, but coming to help her nonetheless. Her companion Avery knew what was going on and put a lightbulb over the cyborg girl’s head which lit up as soon as Peacock had a brilliant idea.
Peacock: Seems the gang almost here, but we’re going to need one more if we really want this to be a party.
As his enemy conspired against him, Cuphead slowly got up and picked up some cards lying on his chest then got excited when he looked at them.
Cuphead: An ace and a king? I win! What’s my prize!?
Peacock: Got your prize right here!
Peacock came to deliver the “prize” onto Cuphead’s face. Cuphead dodged the “prize” so that it didn’t bash his face in and countered with a Lobber that launched Peacock back a few feet. He followed it up with more Lobbers to keep Peacock stunned, though that only left him vulnerable to the arrival of Tommy swinging on a rope.
Tommy: ‘Scuse me!
Tommy hit Cuphead from the side and sent him away from Peacock. Cuphead fired at Tommy for revenge, but the heavyweight was too tough to be harmed by small bullets. This left the cup distracted and gave Peacock the perfect opportunity to throw a cream pie at his face.
Cuphead: Ah! I can’t see! Wait, is this banana cream? It’s delicious!
Cuphead was then struck in the back of the head, knocking the pie tin off his face. Another attack hit him in the back of the head, causing his head to spin around before stopping to look behind him where he saw the source of the attacks: Andy Anvil.
Andy: Remember me!?
Cuphead acted quickly and tried to punch Andy away, but the anvil’s superior boxing skill allowed him to dodge effortlessly then unleash a flurry of his own punches. The cup was bombarded with each blow and the last one had enough strength to launch Cuphead into Tommy who grabbed and pinned him down.
Tommy: It’s the end of the line for you, punk!
Cuphead: Oh no it ain’t!
Focusing all his energy into his Converge weapon, Cuphead fired a giant lightning bolt that propelled him and Tommy upwards. Becoming airbound helped the cup break free of the heavywheight’s grip and strike him with another super lightning bolt. The two then fell to the ground, Cuphead landing on his feet and Tommy crash landing hard.
Andy made the next move and went for a right hook that Cuphead avoided with teleportation. The anvil caught Cuphead reappearing at his right side so he threw another punch only for the cup to teleport out of the way again. What followed was a scene where an anvil continuously failed to punch a cup who teleported all around him. After so many punches, Andy tired himself out and Cuphead took advantage by hitting him with his charged Converge, sending him flying to where Tommy lied.
Cuphead: Two down, one to go.
Peacock: Too bad you’ll never hit zero!
Cuphead heard that just in time to dodge a cannonball fired by Peacock and her cannon. He acted quickly by shooting the cannon out of the cyborg girl’s hands then closed in on her. Peacock threw a bomb to try and slow him down, but failed as Cuphead jumped over it, got behind Peacock, and used another charged Converge to reunite Peacock with her cronies. With his enemies in a pile Cuphead got a Charge ready and pointed at Peacock as she struggled to get up.
Cuphead: Game’s over for you, toots! Any last words?
Peacock: Yeesh! Don’t you know that’s what the villain says before they get the tables turned on them? Though I guess it can’t be helped now, so I’ll gladly tell ya “my last words”. Clobber him, George!
Cuphead: Who’s George?
That was when George the Bomb, who had yet to explode, epically jumped into the air and took out his trusty baseball bat. He swung that bat like Babe Ruth and homerunned Cuphead with so much force that he almost lost consciousness. But as Cuphead’s energy faded away from him, Peacock and company regained theirs and got ready for the big finale.
Peacock: All together now!
Peacock, Andy, Tommy, and George surrounded Cuphead and beat him senseless with whatever limb or weapon they could make use of. After the brutal beatdown had been brought, the gang jumped away from Cuphead who was covered in cracks in bruises, far too weak to get up or fire another shot. Despite his condition, Cuphead still insisted on fighting his foe and George still insisted on whacking him with his bat.
Cuphead: Is… that… the… best… you… got? There… isn’t… a… scratch… WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!
George felt ashamed when Cuphead yelled at him. He lowered his bat and walked away, allowing Cuphead to speak uninterrupted.
Cuphead: As I was saying… There isn’t a scratch on me. It would take something way stronger to put me down.
He said as a tooth fell out of his mouth.
Peacock: Ha! That messed up mug of yours says otherwise. Besides, I got something way stronger coming in riiight abooout now.
Before Cuphead could ask what it was, he got crushed by a big fat bomb that fell from the sky. The bomb proved to be so big and fat that Cuphead couldn’t even squirm out of it leaving only his head sticking out.
Peacock: Cup-headed nuisance, say hello to Lonesome Lenny.
Cuphead: Hello to Lonesome Lenny.
Lonesome Lenny waved at Cuphead in response to his greeting, but their meeting would be short lived when Peacock pulled out a cigar and smoked it.
Peacock: Alright boys, show’s over. Let’s ditch this joint and head home.
Peacock walked away with her crew leaving the trapped Cuphead angry as he still wanted to fight.
Cuphead: Get back here! I ain’t done yet!
Peacock: Actually you are! Now say goodbye to the audience!
Peacock took her cigar out and flung it back in Cuphead’s direction. He noticed that the cigar was going to hit Lonesome Lenny and blast him to the point of no return. Left with no other option, Cuphead took Peacock’s advice and got an arm out with the last of his strength. The cup looked at you with a sad face and slowly waved his hand right before the cigar made impact and set Lenny off.
KNOCKOUT!
Lonesome Lenny exploded with such ferocity that the entirety of River King Casino got caught in the blast leaving nothing, but a smoldering crater in the aftermath. All the mobsters Peacock intended to fight, and the cup she did end up fighting were all gone, reduced to only ash. However, in the midst of lifelessness, a single soul rose up from a pile of shattered china. The soul had a straw halo, ghostly tail, and red heart in the center. It was Cuphead’s soul and seeing his own dead body left him rather upset.
Cuphead: Well this sure as hell stinks. But hey, it could be worse.
Cuphead then heard a gunshot and turned around to see a bullet coming at him before it went right through his chest. The force of the bullet made the cup’s soul explode into a bunch of tiny versions of Cuphead’s head who all had only one thing to say.
Cuphead: Aw nuts.
The Cuphead heads faded away, and the gunner revealed herself to be Peacock doing a double tap. She swirled her revolver around then blew out the smoke before delivering her last line of the show.
Peacock: Ain’t I a stinker?
The nonexistent screen irises out on Peacock who lets out a wink as the carnage-filled cartoon reaches its end.
Results[]
Boomstick: Th-th-th-that’s all folks!
Wiz: This is one of the closest we’ve ever seen. Cuphead and Peacock had each other matched in a lot of ways such as their wide, unpredictable arsenals and their similar reaction speeds given how they can dodge laser fire.
Boomstick: Cuphead obviously had more options for long-ranged combat and with the Heart Ring’s ability to restore his health, he could arguably have an endurance advantage. If we did this fight about a hundred more times, Cuphead would definitely win at least a few of them, but more times than not Peacock had this one in the bag.
Popup: Some characters in Skullgirls utilize an energy called Theonite, Peacock included. Some Theonite users like Marie and Samson have demonstrated accelerated healing though it is unknown if this is a common ability that would apply to Peacock.
Wiz: First of all, Peacock had an entire year of experience honing her unique abilities, outclassing Cuphead who only had very brief training for what was only a few days of fighting. And despite Cuphead having a greater variety of ranged weapons, Peacock's own equipment proved to be more effective.
Boomstick: Summoning objects from the sky, calling in buddies for backup, and having weapons for up close fights. Yeah, Peacock’s offensive options were covering a lot more ground. The latter of which was a serious problem for Cuphead since he didn’t have much that could deal with close-range situations, making it all the more easier for Peacock to deal the killing blow whenever she got past his projectiles.
Popup: Cuphead could potentially escape a close-ranged fight by using his Smoke Bomb to get away. However, Peacock can match this with her own teleportation which has a much greater range. This also meant Peacock had a means to get close whenever she wanted.
Wiz: And seeing how Peacock could match the cup’s speed and arsenal, that wouldn’t be too difficult for her. Though perhaps the biggest difference lay in how much fire power they had. For that, we can scale the demonic entities these two fought at the end of their stories: The Devil and Marie.
Boomstick: One could grow to the size of a skyscraper, the other rips apart skyscrapers and tosses them around. On paper this sounds like a roughly even match, but remember Marie never got the full dose of Skull Heart power, making her the runt of the Skullgirl litter.
Popup: Cuphead should scale to the Devil’s Trident which was used to make a structure similar to Mount Rushmore in at least 5 blasts. Granted, this fails in comparison to Marie’s building throwing feat which required a much greater amount of power.
Wiz: Other Skullgirls have been stated to be far stronger than Marie, some of which took the combined might of multiple kingdoms to defeat, and Peacock is designed to surpass that level of power. Considering how she is on par with Annie, who fought those greater Skullgirls, this is clearly more than mere speculation.
Boomstick: With that much power at her disposal, Peacock had no trouble tearing through anything Cuphead could throw at her. Heck, Peacock has shrugged off beatings from powerhouses like Marie so it’s hard to say if Cuphead had enough juice in him to deal a decisive blow to begin with.
Wiz: Cuphead is a fearsome foe to face, especially for The Devil himself. However, Peacock’s devastating power, incomprehensible tenacity, and wacked-out weaponry gave her everything she needed to put an end to the soul collecting cup.
Boomstick: Cuphead sure was close, but no “cigar”. Guess Peacock was “toon” much for him to handle.
Wiz: The winner is Peacock.
Soundtrack Cover[]
Special Thanks to Joshbry23 and PowerfulEevee for the Soundtrack Covers
Next Time[]
???: You can pull the plug on my TV, but you can't pull the plug on DESTINY!!!
???: Well Evelyn, if you want it back, come take it.
Next Time: Tari vs Miko Kubota