Description[]
These two colorful combatants love the same thing: epic explosions and big booms. Which one will rise to the top, and which will be left in the dust?
Prelude[]
Boomstick: Who doesn't love a good explosion? 'Cause I sure do.
Wizard: Well, you're in luck, Boomstick, because today's combatants are masters of the explosive arts. ExplodingTNT, the carefree protector,
Boomstick: And White Bomber, the Bomberman. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wizard: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
ExplodingTNT[]
Wizard: Many people play the immersive and creative game of Minecraft, including yours truly. Many players have made names for themselves within this game, creating new lives and going on epic quests. Among all the vast cities and rolling landscapes, there exists a small town simply called TNT Town. Though the residents of this town are varied and strange, one stands out among the rest: ExplodingTNT.
Boomstick: This guy is like my new best friend. He started off his Minecraft and YouTube careers just blowing stuff up for fun. Like a real man. People, animals, places, you name it, he'd blow it up.
Wizard: However, over time, as ExplodingTNT began to expand his horizons and meet some of the interesting characters of the world, he soon became not just an entertainer, but also a protector of his town and land.
Boomstick: This guy's had so many misadventures that change and alter every time. But some things are consistent. One of which being the dude's namesake: TNT.
Wizard: That's right, ExplodingTNT is a lover of all things explosive, but generally favors his trusty TNT blocks. These cubes of destruction are a cubic meter in size, weighing in at approximately 1,650 kg. of explosives. Seeing as how a single gram of TNT explodes with a force of 4,184 J., this means that ExplodingTNT's standard weapon explodes with a force of roughly 6,904,000,000 billion J., about the size of a standard military explosive.
Boomstick: That might not seem impressive at first, but remember that ExplodingTNT carries these things in stacks of 64, meaning he has enough explosive power to overwhelm almost any opponent. And in the off chance that he should ever run out, he can just craft some more quickly with sand and gunpowder at a crafting table, which he usually carries with him.
Wizard: However, TNT is not his only method of attack. He also carries TNT Nunchaku, sticks of TNT chained together that produce fiery explosions upon impact, somehow without destroying the actual weapons. He also likely carries a diamond sword, a durable, powerful blade made out of, well, diamonds.
Boomstick: On top of that, he carries a durable shield for when he need to protect himself, a flint and steel that can be used to light fires quickly, and a flamethrower that can start fires even more quickly!
Wizard: Additionally, he has the Dynamic Jeep, a powerful, fast racing Jeep that can withstand damage and rough terrains. Finally, ExplodingTNT also can use the Nuke. While not an actual nuclear device with nowhere near that level of destruction, it does serve as a monstrous upgrade compared to his normal TNT, with a blast radius greater than 20 cubic meters.
Boomstick: He's also tough, able to take multiple sword wounds at a time and survive massive explosions. He's also smart when it comes to computers and machines, and is able to build complex factories and systems. On top of that, he can sprint up to 12.6 miles per hour.
Wizard: Not to mention his strength. Basing him off of the normal Minecraft character, he can carry gold, the heaviest material in the game, in 36 inventory slots with up to 64 cubic meter blocks in each slot. Considering a single cubic meter of gold weighs approximately 19,320 kg., this means that, with a full inventory of gold blocks, ExplodingTNT can carry, with absolutely no issue, approximately 55,116 tons! That's like carrying seven Eiffel Towers in your back pocket!
Boomstick: Then its no surprise that during his time in Minecraft, ExplodingTNT has done some incredible things. He defeated an army of zombie turkeys, an evil snowman, the Void Monster, and the mysterious Unknown.
Wizard: He's blown up the End Dimension's floating island twice, and saved numerous people of his town from danger on multiple occasions. But don't think for one second that he's perfect. In fact, he's got some massively problematic issues. First and foremost, he's not smart. At all.
Boomstick: Though he's somehow good with machines, ExplodingTNT is dimwitted and rarely ever uses his head. He gets confused by basic elementary school math, English, and science. Now, I admit that I am not the most clever person on Earth, but even I resisted squirrel hunting long enough to complete my f*cking elementary education!
Wizard: He rarely if ever relies on strategy, and often makes mistakes so crazy and odd that they can put him at a serious disadvantage. And while he can fight, he is by no means a master combatant. He can also be emotionally fragile, and simple harassment and bullying (which he experiences almost daily) can send him into shock and depression. And while he is durable, he's not invincible, and can be killed off in normal ways like being burned, stabbed, shot, crushed, drowned, or even exploded with enough force.
Boomstick: Still, most people know not to mess with ExplodingTNT. He didn't get that name without a reason.
TNT: I like cheese.
Bomberman[]
Wizard: When the idea comes to "save the world", what is the first thing that comes to mind? Battling evil-doers? Using diplomacy and talks to sway nations into peace? Bringing people together through compassion and love?
Boomstick: Stop thinking, because you're wrong. It's blowing the ever-loving sh*t out of everything!
Wizard: White Bomber, the Bomberman, is an alien peace officer from the planet Bomber. He travels around the galaxy saving planets by, as stated before, using bombs to defeat villains and clear out obstacles.
Boomstick: Bomberman has an unlimited supply of bombs at his disposal, with blasts ranging from a few measly meters to an entire friggin' acre, but can only use so many at a time. The bombs are also unable to be defused.
Wizard: Bomberman also has a series of powerups to aid him on his adventures. Accelerator increases his speed, Armor increases his durability, the Explosion Expander makes his explosions bigger, Bomb Up allows him to put extra bombs out at a time, and the Power Glove allows him to throw bombs at his leisure instead of just dropping them.
Boomstick: Bomberman also rides Rooeys, weird-looking kangaroo alien things that run super fast, can jump extremely high, and even be used as meat shields.
Wizard: Bomberman is a strategic fighter, and most often uses wit to solve puzzles and navigate obstacles. He's saved countless planets and defeated countless enemies, including the Angel of Light and Shadow, the creator of his universe.
Boomstick: So you're saying that this guy beat a GOD?!
Wizard: In a way. However, it wasn't too much more than what he normally deals with; their "god" is a bit of a pushover. Also, keep in mind that Bomberman's got his fair share of flaws. Without his powerups, he's not very strong or fast. He's also susceptible to his own explosions and other wild attacks, making him somewhat of a glass cannon.
Boomstick: I don't care. He blows stuff up. He's awesome.
Bomberman: I did it!
Interlude[]
Wizard: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE[]
The scene opens in a beautiful Minecraft forest, with large oak trees and rolling hills covered in tall grass and colorful flowers. ExplodingTNT is seen cheerfully strolling through, admiring the view. He runs behind a tree and stops, then pulls out some cheese.
ExplodingTNT: Finally... no Pink Sheep or Pink Guy to bother me... I can just enjoy my cheese.
ExplodingTNT sets his cheese down and eyes it up.
ExplodingTNT: Come to papa...
Suddenly, an explosion rings out. A large blast blows away trees and spreads fire. ExplodingTNT looks shocked as his cheese is incinerated before him. As he looks up, Bomberman steps out of the smoke.
Bomberman: Hi!
ExplodingTNT gets angry. He pulls out TNT.
ExplodingTNT: That's it! I'm tired of getting beat up on! I don't know who you are, but you'll suffer the same fate as my cheese!
FIGHT!
ExplodingTNT immediately rushes, placing TNT all around Bomberman and lighting it with his flint and steel. Bomberman shrieks and jumps out of the way as the TNT explodes knocking him back. Bomberman turns around, then runs at TNT wile placing bombs around him. TNT runs behind a tree as they explode, destroying the tree but not harming him. ExplodingTNT pulls out more TNT as Bomberman prepares more bombs, and the two rush each other at the same time. They place the explosives as they run, passing each other and ending up where the other one was. All of their explosives detonate, causing a massive fiery blast and debris to shoot everywhere. The two are both struck by flying ground, but are unharmed. Bomberman peeks out from behind the tree and sees Accelerator, Power Glove, and Armor powerups in the hole caused by the blast. As he runs to get them, ExplodingTNT pulls out his flamethrower.
Bomberman leaps into the hole, collecting the powerups. However, as he looks up, ExplodingTNT is pointing his flamethrower into the hole.
ExplodingTNT: You feel lucky, punk?
Bomberman uses his now faster running speed to escape the hole just as ExplodingTNT pulls the trigger, blowing out a wave of fire that scorches Bomberman's backside as he runs. Bomberman puts himself out, then pulls out another bomb and throws it at ExplodingTNT. ExplodingTNT drops his flamethrower and runs, escaping the bomb's blast, but leaving his flamethrower destroyed. As he stops and turns around, Bomberman charges another bomb and throws it at him. ExplodingTNT looks shocked as the bomb explodes in his face.
Bomberman begins to walk away, thinking he's won, but as the smoke clears, ExplodingTNT is shown still alive and ducking behind his shield.
ExplodingTNT: All right, time to bring out my babies!
ExplodingTNT pulls out his Nunchaku and rushes Bomberman. Bomberman tries to run away, but ExplodingTNT catches up and hits Bomberman multiple times with the weapons, causing a series of small explosions to blast Bomberman. As the Bomber is stunned, ExplodingTNT pulls out a diamond sword and slashes him, sending him backwards.
Bomberman is hurt and bleeding, but alive. He whistles, and a Rooey comes running. Bomberman gets on top, then rides the Rooey away. As he begins to escape, the ground begins to shake. Suddenly, the Dynamic Jeep comes bursting out of the forest, chasing them. Bomberman drops bombs off of the Rooey to block ExplodingTNT, but he simply drives around them or through their explosions. ExplodingTNT approaches Bomberman on his right, then pulls out his sword and throws it into the Rooey, killing it. The Rooey falls dead, throwing Bomberman off. As he skids, he lands next to Explosion Expander and Bomb Up powerups. He picks them up as ExplodingTNT drives towards him, trying to ram him. Bomberman pulls out a big bomb and charges it up, then throws it at the Jeep before running. The bomb explodes, destroying the front of the Jeep and causing it to flip over and crash. ExplodingTNT stumbles out of the wreck, injured.
ExplodingTNT: I've got one more trick up my sleeve.
ExplodingTNT pulls out the Nuke, and runs at Bomberman. Though Bomberman tries to dodge, ExplodingTNT punches him to the ground, places the Nuke, lights it, and runs. As the Nuke beeps and fizzes, Bomberman quickly pulls out a large bomb, charges it as much as he can, and chucks it at ExplodingTNT. ExplodingTNT turns around to see the bomb coming at him. The two both try to run, but both bombs explode, causing a massive blast. The smoke clears, and Bomberman is shown motionless on the ground next to the hole from the Nuke's explosion. The smoke continues to clear, showing a blocky silhouette in the dust. The dust clears, revealing that it is just a large pile of dropped TNT items, along with the rest of ExplodingTNT's scattered inventory. Bomberman coughs and slowly sits up, then, with shaky legs, stands up. With a hoarse voice, he manages a single line.
Bomberman: I did it!
K.O.!
ExplodingTNT's game over screen is shown as Bomberman manages a single, staggered victory pose.
Results[]
Wizard: This was a close one. Both combatants had major advantages that the other did not have. While both of their speeds were not able to outclass the other, ExplodingTNT's advantages included his far superior strength, durability, and varied arsenal. However, Bomberman held more advantages.
Boomstick: The most important of which being bigger booms. Bomberman's explosives did way more damage than ExplodingTNT's. Even the Nuke, the most powerful of ExplodingTNT's destructive weaponry, was outclassed by a fully charged bomb.
Wizard: To be clear, without Bomberman's powerups, this battle probably would've gone in ExplodingTNT's favor, as his speed, durability, arsenal, and destructive capabilities would have far outclassed the White Bomber. Even with his powerups, Bomberman had a rough time competing against things like the TNT Nunchaku and the Dynamic Jeep.
Boomstick: But with his powerups, he was able to use Accelerator to get away from most explosions and Armor to withstand the brute of ExplodingTNT's melee. And even though both of them were vulnerable to their own explosions as well as each others', Bomberman does combat and pyrotechnics for a living, while it was always a last resort for ExplodingTNT.
Wizard: Correct. Also factor in Bomberman's far superior strategy, experience, and intelligence (at least compared to ExplodingTNT), and this fight belonged to him.
Boomstick: This fight was dynamite.
Wizard: The winner is Bomberman.
Music Artwork[]
Next Time[]
Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE...
Jazzy music plays as a creepy silhouette appears on the moon. A pair of dice roll past, and a malicious chuckle is heard.
"You a gambling man? Let's play."