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Excalibur vs. Nightmare
Backgrounder (216)
Season 4, Episode 9
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Air date July 5th, 2015
Written by ParaGoomba348
Directed by Anonymous
Episode guide
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[[Excalibur vs. Nightmare|

Backgrounder (216)

Excalibur vs. Nightmare]] is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Excalibur from Soul Eater against Nightmare from Soulcalibur.

Description[]

Soul Eater VS Soulcalibur! A swordfight between two legendary blades!

Interlude[]

Wiz: Mystical swords, sought after by collectors everywhere.

Boomstick: But there are some swords you should NEVER pick up! Like Excalibur, the annoying holy sword of Soul Eater!

Wiz: And Nightmare, the living embodiment of Soul Edge.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win... in a Death Battle.

Excalibur[]

Wiz: The world of Soul Eater-

Boomstick: Where people can turn into weapons. Somehow. We've seen people turn into many different badass weapons, but there's only one weapon which is more powerful than all the others.

Wiz: And it's... none other than... *sigh*

Boomstick: It's... oh crap, Wiz, PLEASE tell me it isn't who I think it is...

Wiz: Yep. It's... actually... canonically... without question... *quickly* Excalibur.

Excalibur: FOOL!

(beat)

Both: Goddammit.

Excalibur: FOOL! My legend begins at the 12th Century.

Wiz: ...Sadly, this is true. In the Soul Eater universe, true historical events happened and historical people exist. However, there are also fictional stories which are canon to Soul Eater as well, with one such story being the story of King Arthur.

Boomstick: Where Excalibur had a badass-

Excalibur: FOOL! Only I am allowed to discuss the beard I once wore, unless you are willing to describe it in great splendor.

Boomstick: ...I hate this guy.

Excalibur: FOOL!

Boomstick: GODDAMMIT!

Wiz: ...*Sigh* Anyway... Excalibur was King Arthur's sword, where he helped end a war with his holy properties and sheer power. But here, Excalibur's story doesn't... exactly... end...

Excalibur: FOOL! From there, I accomplished many great feats. I have walked with many great names and faces as well as trapped criminals behind bars.

Wiz: And by that, he means he got Watson arrested in a Sherlock Holmes story.

(beat)

Boomstick: What.

Excalibur: FOOL! He was the one who committed the crime.

Wiz: ...Right. Anyway, Excalibur now spends his days in a secluded cave, waiting for another to wield him. However-

Excalibur: FOOL! No one has been strong enough to wield me as of lately.

Boomstick: And by 'not strong enough', he means that NO ONE could even PUT UP WITH HIM. Seriously, this guy has something like 100 provisions that-

Excalibur: One-thousand.

Boomstick: *Continuous bleeping sound is heard*

Excalibur: That is, until Hero came around. But even then, he couldn't put up with my sneezing. But even my sneezing is far more glorious than any human sneeze ever.

Wiz: ...ANYWAY. When he was shown fighting, Excalibur actually displayed a huge amount of power. He transforms into a mythical holy sword, where his greatest abilities are showcased. He can defeat entire armies in combat, either human or kishin.

Boomstick: And... ugh. He can... even fight... using his cane...

Wiz: Using his cane, he's formidable in his own right. But here's the thing: Unlike most characters in the Soul Eater universe, Excalibur can wield himself. That's something only Maka, Giriko, and Justin Law have been able to do.

Boomstick: ...I'm not saying anything good about this guy anymore.

Excalibur: FOOL! As a weapon, I can grow wings and fly places. I can teleport wherever I want instantly. By yelling out, "Hero the Atomic!" I can make enemies explode. But with Holy Explosion, I can rip through time and space itself.

Boomstick: ...I'm fucking done with this guy.

Wiz: The strange thing is... everything he's said so far... is... true...

Boomstick: Wait, what?!

Excalibur: Indeed so. I also helped Great Britain through a war, I've lived through many historical events, and I even helped our friends in their battle against Kishin Asura.

Boomstick: Can you shut up now?

Excalibur: FOOL!

Wiz: Well, fortunately for you, Boomstick, Excalibur isn't perfect. Most of his real battle experience happened in the 12th century, he's a total egomaniac, and he'd rather tell stories about his legend than fight.

Excalibur: FOOL! For that, I will now sing you all a song.

Boomstick: Get the hell out.

Excalibur: EXCALIBUUUUUUURRR! EXCALIBUUUUUUUUUURRR! EXCALIBUUUUUUUUUURRR! FROM THE UNITED K! I'M LOOKING FOR HEAVEN! I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA! EXCALIBUUUUURRR! EXCALIBUUUUUUUURRR! EXCALIBUR!

Wiz: ...Is he done yet?

Excalibur: EXCALIBUUUUUUUURRR!

Wiz: Next.

Nightmare[]

Wiz: Centuries ago, a gigantic sword which would have demonic power and would be sought after by collectors everywhere, Soul Edge, was crafted to be the most powerful weapon of them all.

Excalibur: Well the people who created it certainly failed.

Boomstick: What the-? Get outta here! This isn't even your analysis!

Wiz: Anyway, sit tight, because Soul Edge's legend is a convoluted one. Anyway, because of Soul Edge's demonic influence and massive weight, very few could actually wield it. But those who could were able to murder everyone in its wake.

Boomstick: After killing a shitton of people, a fiery demon awoke within Soul Edge. He was named, appropriately... Inferno.

Excalibur: FOOL! That's a kishin you're talking about.

Wiz: Ugh... ANYWAY... as Soul Edge and Inferno's power grew, it sought after a wielder whom he would deem powerful enough. Then sometime in the 16th century-

Excalibur: Ha ha! Fool! My legend dates back to the 12th century. My competition's only dates back to the 16th. Hmm, how appropriate.

Boomstick: Get the *bleep* out of here!

Wiz: MOVING ON. The pirate Cervantes set out to find Soul Edge, and he did. But it resulted in the mass murder of an entire Spanish Port town.

Boomstick: Damn. But then Soul Edge decided that Cervantes wasn't that badass vessel he was looking for, so he forced himself out of him by making him stay there until Taki and Sophitia showed up and kicked his ass, so that Soul Edge could find someone even more powerful.

Wiz: And that someone was none other than Siegfried Schtauffen. As soon as Siegfried made contact with Soul Edge, he was transformed into the demonic Azure Knight, Nightmare.

Boomstick: Nightmare was truly a force to be reckoned with. Soul Edge commanded Nightmare to search for the pieces of the sword where it had SOMEHOW gotten broken, and make Soul Edge whole again. As he collected shards, Nightmare and Soul Edge grew more powerful. Like a girl you thought was kinda cute and sweet until you get in her pants, where she becomes a monster.

Wiz: Well... that's a... strange analogy, but whatever. Nightmare was able to kill off entire armies with ease, manipulate fire and lightning with Soul Edge, and devour hundreds of souls at once-

Excalibur: FOOL! I told you he was a kishin.

Boomstick: Oh my *bleep*ing God! Excalibur, get the *bleep* out of here!

Wiz: Even though Nightmare's power began to grow, Siegfried was determined to resist its influences. He eventually did succeed, but Nightmare wasn't down for the count just yet.

Boomstick: Hell, the only thing that's ever been shown to kill Nightmare is that holy sword Soulcalibur-

Excalibur: Hmm. I'm unimpressed with my competition.

Wiz: Shut up! Anyway, if it weren't for Soulcalibur, Nightmare would have likely already conquered the entire world. However, Soul Edge is not completely invincible. Inferno requires a mortal body in order to be active, and in order to protect his wielder, he can manifest himself at the risk of his own life.

Boomstick: Or better yet, Soul Edge, Inferno, and Nightmare can all fuse to become the strongest being in all of Soulcalibur, Night Terror!

Wiz: Night Terror has shown few actual appearances, but it is implied to be far more powerful than the likes of any other Soulcalibur character around. When it comes right down to it, Nightmare doesn't have many worthy opponents.

Excalibur: Except me.

Nightmare: Blood! Darkness! I shall drown the world in both!

DEATH BATTLE![]

ParaGoomba348[]

It was yet another normal day in the cave which housed the Holy Sword. There were many fairies flying around guarding the sword, and watching for anyone to come by. The last two people to come by to take the sword were some really annoying kid who wanted to surpass God and a guy who always wanted things to be symmetrical.

They thought for sure that no one else would come by, until suddenly, a large shadow cast over everyone.

"Where is the Holy Sword?" asked a raspy, nightmarish voice. A fairy gave a facial expression which looked to be both disgusted and annoyed, then pointed in the direction of the sword.

As the shadowy figure emerged into the room of the Holy Sword, Nightmare raised his own sword, Soul Edge.

"Time to rid this world of this sword." He was about to swing Soul Edge at the sword, until suddenly, it transformed...

...Into a strange, white bird-like humanoid with a white-green suit, top hat, and cane.

...This was the Holy Sword Excalibur?

"Greetings, traveler." greeted Excalibur, tipping his hat. "I am Excalibur, the strongest sword in existence."

Nightmare leaned down towards Excalibur's level. "You are the Holy Sword. I must eliminate you."

Excalibur jumped up and whirled his cane. "Well well, I see how that is. Very well. Give your best, if such a threshold exists."

FIGHT!

Nightmare swung Soul Edge at Excalibur with all his might, and Excalibur quickly raised up his cane to block the attack. The large sword deflected off of Excalibur's cane pretty quickly.

"Hmm, I thought you said you'd be bringing your best." Excalibur flatly stated. He was clearly unimpressed.

In a rage, Nightmare swung Soul Edge again, but this time aiming for Excalibur's midsection. Excalibur this time blocked by holding his cane downward, but the sheer force of the blow sent Excalibur flying against a nearby wall.

The Holy Sword quickly regained his composure as soon as he hit the ground, then jabbed his cane in Nightmare's face.

"FOOL!" Excalibur called. He then cleared his throat. "Anyway, my legend dates back to the 12th Century, where I-"

But then Nightmare cut him off. He rammed his foot into Excalibur's chest, sending him tumbling down to the ground. Excalibur struggled to get back up as Nightmare loomed over him.

"Excalibur... the Holy Sword... your soul is mine."

Suddenly, Excalibur quickly got back up in an anime fashion and began laughing hysterically.

"Ha ha ha! That's a good joke. Maybe you and I should collaborate for comedy night at my house! And you can help me sing the Excalibur song-"

Without a thought, Nightmare began to charge Soul Edge with a fiery energy. He swung the sword at Excalibur vertically, which Excalibur blocked by holding up his cane to the attack. A few sparks were shot out of the sword, one of which burning off part of Excalibur's hat.

"You're nothing but a fool if you believe you can defeat me."

Excalibur then ducked and rolled out of the way of Nightmare's attack, then whacked Nightmare upside the head with his cane. "FOOL!"

Nightmare sighed, then swung his sword at Excalibur while Excalibur swung his cane. The two countered each other blow-for-blow, until Nightmare began channeling his sword with lightning.

"So you like to play with lightning too, huh?" Excalibur blocked a swing from Soul Edge with his cane once more, but then Excalibur began to feel the force of the blow. Electricity flowed throughout Excalibur's body, stunning him in place as Nightmare raised Soul Edge and was about to strike while Excalibur was left wide open.

"Not... yet..." Excalibur sputtered as he attempted to get the words out. Suddenly, he turned into a golden, glowing sword with wings on the hilt.

"You shall die a painful death." Nightmare slashed at Excalibur's new sword form, but Excalibur quickly parried the attack and slashed at Soul Edge.

Suddenly, Soul Edge let out a faint scream. Nightmare sensed its pain.

Nightmare rushed at the sword then slashed again, the two of them being in a blade lock. Then suddenly, a fiery demon emerged from Soul Edge and faced Excalibur.

"Despair, then meet your burning death." commanded Inferno, in a deep, demonic voice.

Inferno attempted to strike at Excalibur, but the Holy Sword maneuvered its way around all of Inferno's attacks. Inferno flew towards Excalibur and attempted to grab him, but Excalibur teleported behind Inferno before that could happen.

"Now, why would I do that?" asked Excalibur before swinging at Inferno. The fiery demon quickly turned around and caught Excalibur by the blade, but Inferno winced as he felt a stinging, holy, pain.

But while Inferno was stunned, Soul Edge was beginning to heal of its wound. Nightmare suddenly then slashed at Excalibur from behind, knocking him down into the ground.

"Oh, this isn't a good situation for me to be in at all, is it?"

Inferno and Nightmare began to pummel Excalibur with their attacks continuously. Excalibur was beginning to dim and scratch as the attacks of the demons were overpowering him.

Suddenly Nightmare swung Soul Edge down on Excalibur as hard as he possibly could, but before it could even make contact-

"Hero the Atomic!" shouted Excalibur. Suddenly Exalibur rose up into the air, glowing more brightly than ever before. Inferno began to disintegrate, and Soul Edge started to slowly shrink. Nightmare then cringed, but then he had one last idea.

"Face the terror of the night!" shouted Nightmare. Nightmare and Soul Edge began to fuse as one as the ultimate form of Nightmare had entered the ring.

Night Terror.

Night Terror and Excalibur locked blades, the two of them in a seemingly endless struggle. Night Terror slashed at Excalibur with enough force to send him flying back against a wall, but then Excalibur began floating towards Night Terror.

"Well that was an unimpressive attack. If this is truly your final form, I'm very disappointed." Excalibur began to glow brightly once more, then slashed at Night Terror in a time-space-distorting attack which seemed to alter physics as it struck Night Terror.

Night Terror gave a distorted yell as pieces of Soul Edge began to completely disintegrate from the holy properties of Excalibur's attack.

All that remained was the eye of Soul Edge, now making a faint screaming noise.

Excalibur reverted back into his regular form. "Well, that was an unimpressive display. What a fool." He walked towards the eye of Soul Edge, then jabbed his cane straight into the pupil. The eye screamed again as darkness dissipated into the air.

K.O.!

Excalibur then clapped for himself. "Too bad you won't get to hear my song!"

Suddenly from the other end of the cave, a man in a red jacket walked toward Excalibur. "Your song?"

Excalibur then jumped for joy. "Yes, my song! Excalibur! Excalibur! From the United K! I'm looking for Heaven! I'm going to California!"

The man watched on - partly in curiosity, partly in annoyance. He figured he would be here for a while.

Results[]

Boomstick: And the Holy Sword wins again! Probably because Excalibur's legend dates back to the 12th Century, and Nightmare's only dates back to the 16th.

Excalibur: This is right, gents. As it turns out, I am superior to Nightmare in every way. *sips tea*

Wiz: Well... that's not exactly true. Yes, Excalibur is much faster and more experienced, but Nightmare had some tricks of his own. He's a more seasoned fighter and has much more striking power behind his attacks, but other than that, his advantages end there.

Excalibur: Doesn't help that kishin swords can't handle my holy properties anyway.

Boomstick: Well... yeah, that's true. If you remember, Soul Edge was defeated by Soulcalibur, a Holy Sword. And what's Excalibur?

Excalibur: A Holy Sword.

Wiz: In the end, Nightmare had little chance in the long run, nor did Soul Edge, Inferno, or Night Terror. In the Soul Eater universe, characters fight against demons who have taken thousands of souls every day. The strongest and most experienced of all these wouldn't likely be any exception whatsoever.

Boomstick: Maybe Excalibur is our worst Nightmare...

Wiz: The winner is-

Excalibur: EXCALIBUUUUUUURRR~!

Fool I win

Trivia[]

  • This is the second of ParaGoomba348's Season 4 battles to be played mostly for humor. The first is Dan Hibiki vs. Ash Ketchum.
  • Cameo Appearances:
    • Vincent Valentine

Trivia[]


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