| ...Yup. We're Fucked. | |
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| /_\ : I'm on your Screeeeeeeeen~ | |
| Season Six, Episode Fifteen | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | Unknown |
| Written by | ??? |
| Directed by | ??? |
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Description[]
Two insane reality warping pranksters go at it in a fight to the death. Who will live to warp reality another day?
Interlude[]
Boomstick: When two malevolent pranksters gain access to godly power, really bad shit can happen.
Wiz: Like Emperor Joker, the Clown God of Crime.
Boomstick: And Bill Cipher, the bringer of Wierdmageddon.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Ë́̽̒mp̺̮͎̜̹̘͕e͚̝̭̖̬̱̣ͦ̔͗͊r͔͚̱̻̹̣̱͛̍ͯͫͧ̌̑o̱̥̤͙͕̥͔̓ͤr̠̫̪̖ͫ̓ͥͮ̾͗ ̥̪̫̱̿̔̍̏̚J̼̱!͍͖̙̹̟̱̝̂ͪ̉ͬ̀̆ͦ[]
Wiz: The Joker, one of the greatest comic book villians of all time, is already formidable and deadly by himself, but one day, everything changed.
Boomstick: Ladies and Gentlemen, this origin's a doozy! Mister Mit-zly...um Mt-zly-pilk...um what the fuck?
"The word Mytzlplk appears on screen"
Boomstick: Yeah that guy, a reality warping annoyance of the Man of Steel one day got really, really bored and decided to give one percent of his power to someone to see what a person of our realm would do with godly power. Rather than give it to a normal sane person or a kid he decided to give it to the Clown Prince of Crime! What a dumbass!
Wiz: The Joker, well being the Joker, tricked him into revealing his true name and thus granted the Joker 99.99% of Mister Mytzlplk's of his reality warping powers to the Clown Prince of Crime, transforming him into Emperor Joker.
Boomstick: Emperor Joker's Powers are virtually limitless! If he can think it, he can make it happen! He can even break the fourth wall!
Wiz: As a direct result of his absorbing virtually all of Mxyzptlk's powers, Joker possessed not only his madness (which was amplified as a result), but also near-total omnipotence and omniscience. He was even capable of pushing reality further than Mxyzptlk had ever been capable of in the past, although this was because his insanity meant that he simply didn't care about the damage he was causing to reality where Mxyzptlk didn't want to risk leaving himself with nothing to do.
Boomstick: Emperor Joker made Harley Quinn into a constellation, killed Batman every day just to resurrect him, and then to kill him again, and even devoured the entire population of China!
Wiz: Child's play, Boomstick. He casually created a universe where Superman was imprisoned in Arkham Asylum, only to break out again and eventually be imprisoned by Bizarro, who was then the leader of the Justice League. He even casually stomped over both the Spectre and Darkseid!
Boomstick: Darkseid? You know that guy that defeated a nigh-omnipotent Jimmy Olsen infused with New God souls, briefly stalemated the Anti-Moniter, overpowered Pre-Crisis Superman, and trapped everyone's favorite Mad Titan in the Omega sanction? .
Wiz: The Spectre once stated that Emperor Joker had the power to destroy everything that is.
Boomstick: With that kind of godly power, Emperor Joker should literally have no weakness!
Wiz: Except he does. In order to undermine his control of reality, you have to know the rules he's playing by. Despite having 99.99% of Mytzlplk's power, he still is 0.01% human. Because the Joker defines himself by his opposition to the Dark Knight and lives in Batman's world rather than the other way around, he ultimately couldn't erase Batman from existence. This lead to him ultimately losing control of his powers at the hands of Superman and his defeat.
Boomstick: Still Emperor Joker is one hell of a reality warper that I won't dare to cross!
"Next time I say "Freeze, this finger is loaded." Maybe you'll believe me."
BILL![]
Wiz: Trillions of years prior to the events of Gravity Falls, Bill originated from the second dimension. He "liberated" his own dimension by plunging it into burning chaos, including his own parents.
Boomstick: Since when is plunging your home dimension into chaos considered liberation?
Wiz: Well according to Bill, it is. Hailing from the 2nd dimension, the dream demon-
Boomstick: Is that a Freddy Kreuger reference right there?
Wiz: Well, he is often without a body and can appear in people's minds, but the Nightmare on Elm street references stop there. He typically appears as-
Boomstick: The fucking Illuminati!
"A picture of Bill Cipher appears comparing it to the Illuminati triangle, accompanied with the X-Files theme".
Wiz: Shut up, Boomstick. Dead memes aside, the dream demon soon took over the Nightmare Realm. Unfortunately, due to the Nightmare realm being lawless and lacking any consistent physics or rules, it was fated to collapse in on itself entirely. However, Bill Cipher soon learned of a prophesy that Bill himself would merge the Nightmare Realm with the third dimension, and he began to seek out Humans to accomplish this.
Boomstick: This event was eventually dubbed "Weirdmaggedon". What kind of name is that?
Wiz: Well, typically he appears as summoned as a spirit in the Mindscape, attempting to manipulate them into creating a portal from the Nightmare Realm into our dimension. In this form he is close omniscient and can remove people's minds from their bodies, but is completely powerless when it comes to actually manipulating anything outside of the Mindscape. But when he does manage to to get his physical form into the third dimension, all hell breaks loose.
Boomstick: Some of the many powers he possess when he enters the third dimension include: regeneration, creating everything from objects to elaborate pocket dimensions (like Mabel's prison bubble), the ability to produce electric charges (shot from his eye), apportation, inter-universal travel, matter manipulation, telekinesis, pyrokinesis, time manipulation, telepathy, mind control, illusion manipulation, dream manipulation, nightmare inducement, madness inducement (can create bubbles that induce madness in whatever they touch), clairvoyance, objects summoning, intangibility, reality warping, levitation, possession, precognition, size shifting, fourth wall awareness, and resistance to reality warping and space-time manipulation. Damn I'm tired.
Wiz: He trapped Mabel in a pocket dimension, successfully brought Wierdmaggedon to Gravity Falls, and effortlessly defeated the Time Baby.
Boomstick: Time Baby?! What the fuck is that?"
Wiz: Well he is a giant baby that can manipulate time, is the supreme tyrannical ruler of the future, and can grant any wish in time without causing a paradox.
Boomstick: Okay... With that kind of immense power, what sort of weaknesses could possibly prevent him from accomplishing his goals?"
Wiz: He cannot penetrate anything with a bill-proof barrier, was completely stopped from spreading Wierdmaggedon thanks to Gravity Fall's "weirdness bubble", and while capable of regenerating his eye, anything that hurts it will stun him for a considerable period of time. In addition a ritual created by ancient people can stop him. He also prefers to toy around with people, rather than outright kill them, and while in someone's mind, he is vulnerable to being erased by the Memory Gun. The last of these weaknesses lead to his death.
Boomstick: Even in death Bill Cipher is one hell of a reality warping prankster that forever made his mark on the history of Gravity Falls!
"For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill! But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity!"
Pre-DEATH BATTLE[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!
DEATH BATTLE![]
It was Christmas Day, and everyone was inside enjoying Christmas and opening presents. But little did they know something else was also having a great Christmas and his actions would endanger everyone.
"Yes! I have finally escaped Gravity Falls! Time to spread Wierdmageddon throughout the world, no, not just the world, the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!"
Bill Cipher laughed manically after saying these last few words, but then he realized something else. Something terrifying.
"There's another god out there much like my self! He could stand in my way!" said Bill Cipher. "I have to go and get him on my side!"
Bill Cipher snapped his fingers and mysteriously vanished.
Emperor Joker sat on his throne. He was really, really bored. He had no one to celebrate Christmas with and was devoid of allies and surrounded by many enemies. Yes, he could create someone to celebrate it with, but where was the fun in that? All of the sudden a mysterious figure appeared. Bill Cipher had come to pay a visit.
"Ooh! A visitor! Let's give him a present!" said Emperor Joker as he then warped a large present out of nothingness and tossed it to Bill Cipher, who dodged it just in time to see it explode.
"Emperor Joker! Name's Bill Cipher, and I want you to help me plunge the universe into burning chaos!"
"Plunging the universe into burning chaos does not sound like my type of play. I will not help you." Emperor Joker responded.
"Then I shall eliminate you!" Bill Cipher said with an enraged tone of voice.
"Looks like someone needs to learn their manners!" Emperor Joker said, completely unconcerned by Bill Cipher's attitude towards him.
The two gods went into a fighting stance and readied their reality warping powers.
FIGHT!
Emperor Joker and Bill Cipher fired off electric charges at each other. Both appeared to be even at first, but both amplified their blasts and knocked each other back, causing an explosion powerful enough to destroy Earth. "Whoops! Looks like we had an accident!" remarked the Joker with a sadistic grin. A world gone in no time, billions dead, and two gods still fighting for supremacy. What a world, huh?
Both gods, recovering from the explosion, landed on a new planet. "Can't fault the classics!" Emperor Joker said as he began hurling sound effects straight from the 1960s Batman TV show such as "BAM!" and "BIFF!" at Bill Cipher. Bill Cipher easily dodged them and saw them detonate, causing multi-megaton nuclear explosions. He then saw the Joker disappear. "Where did he go?" thought Bill Cipher.
Emperor Joker suddenly appeared. "Watch the eye!" said Emperor Joker as he charged at Bill Cipher, landing a massive punch on the Dream Demon that knocked him back many kilometers and destroyed his eye. Bill Cipher screamed in pain.
"OW YOU GRUESOME SON OF A BITCH! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT ONE!"
Bill Cipher wondered why he just swore. Is it because he's in a death battle where its primarily adults that are reading and not children? Yes it's probably that. Blinded by the recent punch, he began firing energy blasts wildly in different directions, trying to guess where the Joker was.
Emperor Joker then got a wild idea. He snapped his fingers and the universe surrounding them warped into a small kitchen somewhere in the United States. Emperor Joker became a mother and Bill Cipher became a small child. He would make Bill Cipher die a fitting death for someone who swore.
"You've been a very bad boy!" boomed Emperor Joker as he then proceeded to throw Bill into the kitchen sink and then began to wash Bill Cipher's mouth out with soap. It was seemingly benign enough, but every time the soap bar was shoved into Bill Cipher's mouth planets were exploding and stars were going supernova. Bill Cipher felt himself weakening rapidly, but miraculously his eyes regenerated and he gave a massive kick to Emperor Joker in the crotch, causing the Emperor to grimace in pain and the world to warp back to normal. This act caused a massive explosion that consumed the entirety of our universe. It was the last Christmas of anyone that lived in our universe, but for Bill Cipher and the Joker, It was like Tuesday. But Joker warped the day so that the day was Sunday because he felt the joke worked better.
Emperor Joker was not only intrigued by the strength of Bill Cipher's blow, but impressed. "I have yet to fought someone who could do that, but I wager I still can defeat you." said Emperor Joker as he quickly recovered from the blow.
Bill Cipher staggered and eventually stood back up. "Fuck Wierdmageddon! I want you DEAD!" shouted Bill Cipher with an immeasurable rage.
"Watch your mouth, Bill! There could be children reading this Death Battle!" said Emperor Joker.
"Since when does language concern you?" Bill Cipher retorted. Emperor Joker did not answer, and instead slowly marched towards Bill Cipher. Bill Cipher frantically fired electric blasts at Emperor Joker and snapped his fingers causing explosions powerful enough to destroy universes, but all that did was make Emperor Joker laugh.
Eventually Emperor Joker suspended Bill and froze him and warped a stick of dynamite. Not any ordinary stick of dynamite, for this one was powerful enough to destroy everything. "Time for the grand finale!" Emperor Joker yelled with glee. He then lit the stick of dynamite and it detonated.
The explosion was so powerful everything was consumed in a brilliant haze of fire and light and slowly the Multiverse was being ripped apart. Bill Cipher screamed as Emperor Joker laughed. Eventually there was just nothing. Just pure blackness. Like a dark room with no doors or windows and nothing inside. Emperor Joker had destroyed everything and Bill Cipher was nowhere to be found.
"Oh come on! I already destroyed it once! Do I really have to remake everything again?" Emperor Joker grumbled as he set off to remake everything, although this time without a Bill Cipher. Emperor Joker made sure that wouldn't happen.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: But Christmas happened 3 weeks ago!
Wiz: As powerful as Bill Cipher is, Emperor Joker is just much, much more powerful.
Boomstick: Based on the Spectre's statements and Emperor Joker's feats we can calculate the Joker's power is a least tier 1c in classification! Compare that to Bill Cipher, who was 3A based on his feats in Gravity falls or at the most a 2c. That is a huge power difference!
Wiz: Although Bill Cipher displayed a greater arsenal of powers, does it really look like the Joker could not do the same thing except much better? Overall Emperor Joker's reality warping powers were more versatile, doing anything that his sick mind could think of.
Boomstick: Looks like Bill Cipher's dreams of causing Wierdmageddon vanished into nothingness.
The winner is Emperor Joker.
Sources[]
https://joker.wikia.com/wiki/Emperor_Joker_(Storyline)
https://gravityfalls.wikia.com/wiki/Bill_Cipher
(Thanks to Emperor Joker vs Dimentio for the winner thumbnail.)