Description[]
The Owl House Vs. Banjo Kazooie, which witch hermit will win
Intro[]
Wiz: Witchcraft, a tale as old as time. While it changes a lot depending on who speaks the tales, one thing is pretty consistent. That you won’t find the strongest witches in the towns, you won’t find them on the roads, or on the farms. The strongest witches remain hidden, in the mountains, or deep in the forests. And today’s two contestants are no exception.
Boomstick: Like Eda the Owl Lady, Se-uh I mean Strongest Witch on the Boiling Isles
Wiz: And Gruntilda Winkybunion, the Beauty Stealer of Spiral Mountain.
Wiz: These two hermits are masters of magic in their own worlds, but in a Death Battle, who will claim victory?
Boomstick: And who will collapse like a house of cards?
Rules[]
Wiz: Both of our combatants change a lot throughout their lives, powers changing just as often. So…
Boomstick: We’re giving them everything!
Wiz: Every skill they ever gain or lose will be available. Eda will be able to have peak magic powers, harpy Eda, and the limb detachment
Boomstick: And Gruntilda will have her broomstick, Hag 1, and Mecha Grunty.
Eda Scams Her Way Into A Death Battle[]
Wiz: The Boiling Isles, a place of magic, a place of demons.
Boomstick: A place that is literally the corpse of a deity. Not to mention of really fucked up weather.
Wiz: Regardless, the Boiling isles is home to witches and demons, united by Emperor Belos.
Boomstick: Who is a VERY evil dude, who wants to murder everyone on the isles, but this isn’t about him.
Boomstick: This is about a witch named Eda Clawthorne
Wiz: Eda was born to a normal witch family with her sister Lilith. She went to Hexside, a school that teaches magic, in the potion track. She was always a very talented witch, as well as her sister.
Boomstick: But one day changed her life forever. The tryout for the emperor’s coven.
Wiz: When trying out for said coven, Eda and her sister learned there was only one opening. The matter of who would join would be decided by a witches duel, with the winner gaining the position. Despite it being her dream, and her track record of magical mayhem, Eda decided to be the bigger witch, and on the day of the duel, forfeited so that her sister could achieve her dream.
Boomstick: Too bad she didn’t say she would forfeit earlier, cause then what went down wouldn’t of happened.
Boomstick: See, Lilith cursed Eda the night before the duel, so that Lilith would win.
Wiz: Lilith only intended the curse, which limited Eda’s magic, to last that day, but it didn’t.
Boomstick: That shit was permanent
Wiz: On the day of the duel, Eda of course, forfeited to let her sister achieve her dreams, and to forgo the restrictive coven system in favor of wild magic.
Boomstick: As she left the field, the curse did it’s dirty work, transforming the young witch into a hideous Owl Beast
Wiz: While the transformation was temporary, the curse was permanent, as she and Lilith found out later, when their father came home, and pulled out a party popper.
Boomstick: And she transformed and took out his eye! Are you sure this is a Disney show Wiz?
Wiz: Surprisingly yes. Anyways, she ended up running away, and stumbled onto a portal to the human realm.
Wiz: With her magic and portal, she was able to easily evade the authorities, becoming the Owl Lady.
Boomstick: Speaking of magic, she has a lot of spells at her disposal.
Wiz: Most of them she can cast by simply making a circle. She has a lot of spells, for example;
- Fire Magic
- Water Magic
- Earth Magic
- Lightning magic
- Light Magic
- Illusion Spells
- Portal Creation
- Telekinesis
- Shield Spells
- Elemental Landminds
- Potions
- Body-Swapping
- Abominations
- Bard Magic
- Sleep Spells
- Mind Infiltration
Boomstick: Holy Shit! How does she know so many spells
Wiz: It is quite impressive, as we’re shown that even talented witches like Amity Blight struggle to learn spells outside of their specialty. Add that to Eda’s skills as a con artist, and she is incredibly intelligent.
Boomstick: Ok, Ok. We know how many spells she has, but the real question is how powerful are her spells Wiz?
Wiz: Glad you asked Boomstick, we can tell from her duel with her sister.
Boomstick: What, the one where Eda made that giant Hooty replica?
Wiz: No, although that is a powerful spell, I was talking about the duel at the Emperor’s Castle. Eda was able to magically propel herself so fast she became a streak of light, implying lightning speed. We can do some estimations that safely put Eda’s weight at a range of 156-210 lbs, not including her massive hair, gem on her chest, clothes, and Palisman. We’ll get back to the palisman later.
Wiz: We also know that Eda’s curse was severely limiting her magic powers. Earlier in the episode, we saw just how restrictive her curse was, requiring 13 elixir bottles to return her to her witch form, while only pushing the curse back halfway. That means Eda was only using 1/26 of her power
Boomstick: That puts her normal magic output in her prime at anywhere from 3265.2 to 4328.2 tons of tnt
Wiz, And keep in mind that that’s just the minimum, it’s likely even greater than that due to the hair, gem, clothes, and palisman mentioned earlier.
Boomstick: But what are these Palisman Wiz?
Wiz: Palisman are a witch’s familiar, they help empower spells, provide transportation, be alternative sources of magic, and act as weapons. Eda’s palisman is named Owlbert, and is an owl, but Palisman come in all shapes and sizes.
Boomstick: Ok, thanks, Beery over here wanted to know what he was. Now, let’s fly Beery
Boomstick is shown holding a staff topped with a beer can, and tries to fly on him, but hits his head on the ceiling and falls to the ground.
Boomstick: NO BEERY, DONT GO INTO THE INDUSTRIAL FAN!!!
Wood-shredder noises fill the room
Wiz: Don’t worry Boomstick, we can get you the palistrom wood to carve another.
Boomstick: It just won’t be the same.
Wiz: Moving on, while her Palisman can boost her spell magic, her specialty is potion.
Boomstick: She’s got some powerful elixirs, some can cause explosions, transform someone into a muscled up monster version of themselves, or even let her see basically anything. Man, if I had that last one, I could-
Wiz: But these potions take time to make. So if Eda runs out, it’ll be a while before she makes more. However, Eda can run out of magic, and when she does, she transforms into the Owl Beast, an extremely powerful demon.
Boomstick: If Eda cooperates with the beast, she can transform into her Harpy form! Which looks like, uh Wiz, there is no way this is a Disney show. Harpy Eda looks too sexy!
Wiz: Believe me, it’s a Disney show. Regardless, Eda’s curse also has one more downside, or upside. Her body can fall apart at the seams. From something as simple as losing a finger, to something as extreme as-
Boomstick: Holy shit! She just got decapitated! There’s no way this is a Disney show Wiz!
Wiz: Eda can reattach body parts that separate from her, which raises a lot of questions.
Boomstick: I don’t believe you for a second that this is a Disney show Wiz. Anyways, Eda’s biggest weakness is that she is so cocky! Like, so cocky she’d enter a competition for something she’s only done once!
Wiz: Eda is a witch with one true passion, one true motivation. Freedom, and helping her family have their own freedom.
Eda: Maybe it is the curse. But then how pathetic are you, that you can't best me at my worst?!
Gruntilda Kidnapped the Editor[]
Wiz: A long time ago, upon Spiral Mountain, there was something sinister brewing.
Boomstick: It was the scheme of the world’s ugliest lady, Gruntilda.
Wiz: Gruntilda Winkybunion plotted to steal the beauty of a little girl.
Boomstick: Wow, talk about jealousy. What Gruntilda didn’t know was that the girl she kidnapped was the little sister of Banjo. Wow, Gruntilda kinda becomes hot if she succeeds.
Wiz: Banjo and his friend Kazooie stormed through Spiral Mountain, relentlessly pursuing the witch. And they succeeded, knocking Gruntilda off her tower, and she was then crushed by a rock! Based on what we see from that rock, Gruntilda withstood around 7200 Millitons of TNT.
Boomstick: But that didn’t stop Grunty, no, she used some sort of spell to detach her soul from her body, then she put her soul in a robot called Mecha Grunty. Then she somehow sent the robot with her soul in it back in time, to stop the bird and bear from meeting, also preventing her own defeat.
Wiz: But Banjo followed her back in time, and defeated Mecha Grunty, causing Gruntilda’s soul to go back to her body. But even that wasn’t enough to stop Grunty. Gruntilda’s sisters came and rescued her, although so long under that rock made Gruntilda’s skin decay, leaving nothing but her skeleton, her eyes, and tongue. Gruntilda used a massive drill, called Hag 1, and tried to defeat the bird and bear, but failed, again, leaving nothing but her skull, eyes, and tongue. In fact, it was Gruntilda’s strongest spell that blew up Hag 1. Such a spell has the equivalent of 20 militons of tnt.
Boomstick: This witch just doesn’t stay down. Can you believe this isn’t even the last thing she did? After that, she engaged in a competition for the sake of Spiral Mountain, and lost. Let’s just move on and stop talking about Nuts and Bolts.
Wiz: Agreed. Nuts and Bolts was a game that didn’t deserve to be made.
Boomstick: Its almost like they knew people would buy basically anything if it had the right characters on it, and as such spat out horrific content just for a quick buck.
Wiz: Gruntilda has a wide variety of spells at her disposal.
Spells:
- Forcefields
- Illusions
- Soul Magic
- Fireballs
- Homing Energy Projectiles
- Time Travel
Boomstick: Of course, her machines have all sorts of attacks as well.
Hag-1 Weapons:
- Drill
- Lasers
- Explosive Mortars
- Cyanide and Mustard Gas
Mecha Grunty Weapons:
- Forcefields
- Lightning Attacks
- Limited Flight
Wiz: Gruntilda is also incredibly intelligent, being able to create many machines, as well as being a walking Rhyme Dictionary.
Boomstick: Grunty is also just so damn resilient! She survived as just a skull, as well as being immune to poisons. She’s fast, too. Her broomstick out speeds Kazooie, who herself can dodge cannonballs!
Wiz: Gruntilda’s biggest weakness is that she is incredibly short-sighted, making horrible decisions on a whim. She also has a habit of boasting about her plans.
Boomstick: But those weaknesses don’t hold back this witch. Models everywhere, look out! Because Gruntilda might just take your beauty.
Gruntilda: . Now let's meet tonight's victims, err...I mean contestants, shall we? Introducing on the left...It's my gorgeous, slim sister, Mingella! On the right we have...my lovely, err...shapely sister, Blobbelda! And in the middle...just some loser bear called Banjo.
Pre-Fight[]
What appears to be a door with an eye on it suddenly appears atop Spiral Mountain. Out steps Eda Clawthorne.
Eda: Say, this isn’t the human realm. Eh, what the heck, I can just grab some junk here and leave.
Suddenly, a cackling witch flies down on a broomstick.
Gruntilda: Intruder, you must halt! Else you shall face my assault!
Eda: Geez, what’s your problem, lady? Besides the obvious, I mean.
Gruntilda: For your insults and intrusion, you must pay! This shall be your final day!
Eda: Puh-lease! I’m Eda Clawthorne, strongest witch on the Boiling Isles!
Gruntilda: Strongest witch is my title! Gruntilda will make you lose something vital!
FIGHT![]
Gruntilda fires out a few fireballs, but Eda counters with fireballs of her own.
Eda: Is that all you’ve got? This will be easy.
Gruntilda: Your pride shall be your fall! Gruntilda shall beat all!
With that, Gruntilda charges at Eda on her broom, which Eda dodges. After dodging another charge from Grunty, Eda mounts her Palisman and takes to the air.
Eda: Gun it, Magic stick!
Eda pulls out a couple potions, and chucks them at the Hag. Gruntilda shoots down a few with fireballs, but a couple strike true, exploding on contact and causing a cloud of smoke to surround Gruntilda.
Eda: Ha! Take that you hag!
Suddenly a barrage of fireballs exits the cloud of smoke, with most hitting Eda dead on, causing her to fall off Owlbert.
Gruntilda: That will show you not to mess with me! This end fits you to a tee!
Owlbert simply flies down to rescue Eda, then comes back up. Eda is grimacing.
Eda: Alright, you asked for this. No more Mrs Nice-Owl-Lady!
Eda casts multiple lightning bolts at Gruntilda, causing her to yell out in shock. Eda follows it up by causing the water from a nearby lake to smash into Gruntilda. This knocks Gruntilda off her broom. Eda flies towards the broom, snaps it, then flies down to pursue Gruntilda. At the forest floor, Gruntilda is getting up, while Eda comes down. Eda spins Owlbert to make a spell circle, from which a geyser of flame comes out. The smoke clears to reveal Gruntilda’s skeleton. Eda then uses another spell to cause a giant rock to crush the skeleton. A purple ghost exits the rock.
Ghostilda: Screw you! I know what to do!
As the ghost flies away, Eda sighs to herself.
Eda: Man, I went overboard.
K.O?[]
Suddenly, a robot that looks like Gruntilda rams into Eda, knocking her away.
Eda: Ouch, what was that?
MechaGrunty: This fight’s not over! I swear on my lucky clover!
Eda: How are you not dead? I saw your ghost! Whatever, guess I have to kill you twice.
A green hunchback peers out from behind a rock.
Klungo: Gruntilda! How is your new body treating you, master?
MechaGrunty: Swiftly, before I’m done! Prepare the mighty Hag-1!
With that, Klungo leaves. Eda creates multiple illusions, and attempts an all out assault on MechaGrunty, but none of her attacks breach MechaGrunty’s force field. Meanwhile, MechaGrunty is plowing through the illusionary clones at a fast rate. Eda tries to cast another spell, but it fails. She looks down, and sees her gem is almost completely black.
Eda: Well, crap.
Inside Eda’s mind
Eda confronts what appears to be a mixture of Owl and Bear,
Eda: Look, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. However, I’m kinda in the middle of something. So could you please just let me fight?
Owl Beast: Rraw?
Eda: What’s in it for you? Well, how about I get you a snack after the fight?
Owl Beast: Rrawr!
Back to the fight
Suddenly, Eda’s eyes go black, and she grows a pair of wings.
Harpy-Eda: Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.
Harpy-Eda flies towards MechaGrunty, and manages to break past the force field, slamming the mechanical witch into the rock burying her body. MechaGrunty jumps up, and smashes down on the rock, causing it to explode into a large cloud of dust. MechaGrunty blindsides Harpy-Eda, delivering multiple blows, then slamming her against the ground. The winged witch breaks free, and flies out of the dust, just in time to dodge an electrical shock from the machine. Harpy-Eda flaps her wings, dispersing the dust.
Harpy-Eda: Man, you sure don’t let up, don’t you?
MechaGrunty: Quitting is for the weak! I will pound you into next week!
Harpy-Eda dives down, avoiding magical attacks from MechaGrunty, and picks up the robot. The harpy takes the machine up, up, up, then dives towards the ground, before letting go and swerving upwards. MechaGrunty slams into the ground, causing the machine to fall apart. The purple ghost of Gruntilda flies out.
Ghostilda: Not my mechanical body! Bah, it was too shoddy. Soon I’ll destroy you with my cruncher. Behold the might of the Monstrous Mechanical-Mud Muncher!
As she said that, the ground began to rumble, and a giant drill dug it’s way out of the ground. The spirit goes back to the skeleton, which starts climbing the machine.
Harpy-Eda: WHAT THE TITAN IS THAT THING? Ugh, I’m not sure I can take it down. But I have to try!
The harpy flies into the side of Hag-1, but can’t even budge it. Suddenly, a laser pops out of the side, and knocks Harpy-Eda away. The winged witch tries to fly away, but is shot out of the air by an exploding mortar. She finally flies out of the drill’s range, and takes a breather.
Harpy-Eda: Huff, I’m not strong enough to take that thing down as I am currently. Maybe I could use some bard magic. No, you can’t die here. Not with that destructive bard magic. Looks like I’ve only got one choice.
The winged witch pulls out a potion, as Hag-1 is aiming a mortar. Harpy-Eda drinks the potion, then let’s out a roar of agony, as her body begins to transform into a more monstrous form, a Harpy-Eda-Rager (HER). Hag-1 fires a mortar at the HER, but it has no effect. The HER picks up the drill, and Gruntilda quickly climbs out a hatch and jumps to the ground. The HER crushes the Monstrous Mechanical Mud-Muncher.
Gruntilda: It’s time for my strongest spell. Gruntilda Winkybunion will send you to hell!
Gruntilda creates a crap ton of purple orbs, and constantly fires them while making more. None of the spells do much.
Gruntilda: This is looking very bad for me! I’ll win next time, in Eda Vs Gruntilda Tw-
The HER crushes Gruntilda under its hand. The HER reverts back to base Eda. Eda picks up Gruntilda’s skull.
Eda: Nothing I’ve done so far has killed you. You just won’t die! But there’s no way you’re going to survive this.
Eda draws a spell circle, and seemingly disappears, causing the skull to drop in confusion.
Inside Gruntilda’s Mind
Eda appears in Gruntilda’s mindscape. It is filled with Rhyming Dictionaries. Eda picks one up.
Eda: This explains some things.
Eda tosses the book aside, and casts a massive spell circle with Owlbert. A large plume of fire appears out of the circle, and Eda directs the fire to cover the entire mindscape.
Eda: Well, I might have missed a few spots, but they won’t be missed long.
Eda casts one more spell circle, bringing her out of the mind. Eda walks away as Gruntilda’s eyes fall out of her skull.
K.O. For real this time![]
Eda: Now then, a deals a deal Owlbeast. What would you like to eat? Huh, what mole guy?
Eda turns and spots Bottles the mole, who witnessed the whole battle. Bottles freezes in fear as the Owlbeast takes over, hungry for its meal.
Results and Conclusion[]
Boomstick: There’s no way she’s from a Disney show.
Wiz: This battle was hard to decide, but not for the reasons you might think. The problem is, neither could conventionally kill the other.
Boomstick: Both we’re just too resilient for the other. While it’s true Gruntilda’s best durability feat is over 500 times worse then Eda’s normal magical output, Grunty is practically immortal.
Wiz: Gruntilda can survive as nothing more than a skull and some eyes. Eda meanwhile, has a durability of over 1200 times Gruntilda’s maximum output. Eda was far stronger stat wise then Gruntilda, but that doesn’t really matter if she couldn’t land the finishing blow.
Boomstick: So we had to look at their arsenals, speed, and intelligence. Eda just so happens to be better in all three! Eda has far to many spells for Gruntilda can handle, having nearly twice the options.
Wiz: Eda has shown the ability to move at the speed of lightning, while Gruntilda was as fast as a cannonball. Eda had the speed advantage by far. Intelligence is tricky, but we have to give it to Eda as well. At least usable knowledge. While Gruntilda is incredibly talented in rhyming and engineering, she’s a complete idiot in every other catagory.
Boomstick: Eda may seem just as goofy as Gruntilda, but Eda’s a con artist and escapist. Plus, all those spells Eda knows are difficult to learn. Even talented witches like Amity Blight struggle with learning new spells. But this isn’t to say Gruntilda was completely left in the cold.
Wiz: Gruntilda does have a way to bypass Eda’s durability entirely. Gruntilda can time travel. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen her time travel on screen, so the specifics are up to grabs. Like is the time travel instantaneous, or can someone latch on to also be brought with Gruntilda. Considering the only time she ever time travels, she does it after fleeing seems to indicate that her time travel isn’t a viable in battle option.
Boomstick: Eda meanwhile had a much better win condition. Eda can teleport herself into Gruntilda’s mind. Once she’s there, she can simply damage the mind.
Wiz: We’ve seen that damage to the mindscape leads to major damage to the mind itself. So it’s safe to say major damage could lead to brain death. It’s not flashy, but it is a death. Simply put, Gruntilda just didn’t have the proper options to win.
Boomstick: Gruntilda’s Owl done, and this battle Spiraled out of control.
Wiz: The winner is Eda Clawthorne
