Ed, Edd, & Eddy VS Team Rocket is a What-If? Death Battle by DBDoctor13. It features Ed, Edd, & Eddy from the titular CartoonNetwork series of the same name fighting against the Team Rocket Trio from the Pokémon Anime in a battle of three half-witted scammers.
Thumbnail by DBDoctor13. Special thanks to Video_Pochi from The Spriters Resource for the jawbreaker sprite.
Description: Trippel Trouble! Two of the biggest three-person-teams of idiots from the 90’s face off in a Death Battle for the ages. Will the Eds defeat Team Rocket? Or will Jessie, James, and Meowth send Ed, Edd, & Eddy blasting off forever?
INTRODUCTION[]
(Music: Wiz & Boomstick- Brandon Yates)
Wiz: Ed, Edd, n Eddy; the troubled trio of friends from Peach Creek.
Boomstick: Team Rocket; the deadly combination of a boy, a girl, and their Meowth. Yeah, not really setting the world on fire.
Wiz: People who grew up in the 90’s had a lot of heroes to look up to just as they did a number of villains to be afraid of. Be it a Boy Genius to admire or a Crazy Intelligent Monkey to fear, there are no shortage of contestants who can be featured on Death Battle!
Boomstick: But the 90’s also had A LOT of STUPID characters as well. So let’s put two teams of three in a fight to the finish to see who’s slightly more competent. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
ED, EDD, N EDDY[]
Wiz: Friendship is something that can form strange and unusual alliances with many unforeseen stories. Whether it’s teaming up Earth’s Mightiest Heroes to fight aliens, or teenager hanging around an eccentric old man that invented a time machine after hitting his head on the toilet, the bonds of friendship lead to greater things. And nobody could’ve foreseen the greatness that came from three friends with a similar-sounding first name when they met in the Cul-De-Sac of a town called Peach Creek.
(DOUBLE D: Salutations, Gentlemen! My family and I have just moved in, thank you! EDDY: Hey, Ed! Get a load of the new kid on the block. ED [Looking in the wrong directions]: Where? [Eddy points him in the right direction.] ED: Oh! Welcome, friend! [Ed holds out his stinky hand] ED: My name’s Ed! EDDY [Also holding out his hand which has a joy-buzzer on it.]: And I’m Eddy! [Double D puts a glove on Ed’s hand and shakes the very tips on Eddy’s fingers to avoid getting germs and shocked from each respective kid.] DOUBLE D: Pleased to meet you! My name is Edd also. But with two ‘D’’s. EDDY: Gee, ain’t that a coinkidink! We all have the same name!)
Boomstick: When Edd (or Double D as he’s better known), moved to town with his family, he met two kids with the names Ed and Eddy. Though Eddy initially scammed Double D at first, the three turned out to be best friends for life. Even when they became senior citizens. Man, it’d be nice to have friends like that.
Wiz: Have you even been paying attention these past few years? Ugh. Regardless, the Eds are scam artists who want one thing; Jawbreakers. The kind that are absolutely impractical by all means of consuming.
Boomstick: Well, the Eds were created by a Canadian animator so I suppose Canadians are capable of anything.
Wiz: I wouldn’t say that. The Eds might be one of the most beloved cartoons of the late 90/early 2000’s, but they’re remarkably pathetic! I really hate to sound like the bully; but they’re complete dorks! Such as when they ended up hypnotizing themselves into monkeys! Or the time they dug up a treasure chest that turned out to be full of whishbones! Not to mention the time they… uh… survived the vacuum of outer space… Or when they kept up with Jonny 2x4 who once fell through Peach Creek to China in 4 seconds, making their speed… 6,876,900 miles per hour. Or when Eddy… removed his feet to make someone else run faster than him.
Boomstick: Oh, boy. We’re in for one of THESE Death Battles. Yeah, despite being seemingly normal kids, the Eds are practitioners of the dark art known as Toon Force. Allowing them to do shit like turning trees into cardboard, grabbing and eating the sun (which turned it into the moon,) removing the outline of a character which melted them into liquid, and EVEN BROKE THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF!
Wiz: What the hell is it with these seemingly weak characters turning out to be powerful gods?! With the Toon Force, the Eds have survived a static electrical blast that mimicked an atomic bomb, being liquified, an explosion that destroyed an entire house, falling to Earth from space, being set on fire, and total disintegration! Ed’s absorption of static electricity actually enabled the boys to rewind time itself! While their scams often backfire, Double D often serves to keep his inventions and provide the boys with some nifty gadgets.
Boomstick: They’ve got X-Ray/Heat Seeking goggles, a jetpack, a grappling hook, a water gun, a Canadian Squirt Gun (AKA a Turkey Baster), a wrench, shovel, baseball bats, binoculars, hammers, saws, fuzzy dice bolas, a hypno wheel, a chain wallet capable of taking out crocodiles and large wooden boxes, slingshots with water balloons, giant magnets, a baking powder bomb that can destroy a house, a Thingamagig that can get anything you need, chewing gum that can blow bubbles bigger that the person blowing them, maple Syrup that acts as super-glue, a clay model monster that doubles as a flame-thrower, a de-icing machine, mallets, a rocket ship, and the famous El-Mongo Stink Bomb!
Wiz: The El-Mongo Stink Bomb was originally developed by Eddy’s older brother, the stink bomb was capable of creating a horrendous smell throughout all of the Cul-De-Sac. But I’m surprised the boys would even need these tools when they’re capable of surviving having holes blown through their body. The Eds also have their own unique talents. Ed has the ability to lift objects that should be heavier than he is. For example, he has been shown multiple times to lift an entire house and carry it around on his own. Sometimes with one-hand.
Boomstick: I think this calls for a beer. Then twelve more.
Wiz: Ed’s head is strong enough that at running speed, can easily break through metal and stone with no signs of concussions whatsoever. While Double D and Eddy have shown similar resistance to multiple blunt traumas, Ed is the one who can take the most damage and still keep moving.
([Ed is seen smacking his face into the ground.] ED: I’m a woodpecker! [Continues smacking his face until he stops.] ED: Except with dirt!)
Boomstick: Double D is like if Frank West was younger and had the personality of a saint. He can invent working weapons, tools, and even buildings just from scraps and garbage. He’s got plenty of tools to choose from over the years of scamming. Like the thingamajig which can produce any item needed at any given time. Or the Baking Powder Vapor Barrier which can destroy an entire house!
(EDDY: This is so sweet, Double D! DOUBLE D: Thank you, Eddy. Nobody would ever expect Mother Nature to harbor a spring-loaded circus cannon and BLOW INNOCENT BYSTANDERS TO KINGDOM COME!)
Wiz: Right. Lastly, though Eddy is often arrogant, he is a master planner and a great improviser. He once came up with an idea to get rich by researching everything. This resulted in them breaking reality itself!
([Eddy is seen putting his hand through the Sun.] EDDY: Did you see that? Weird. Oh, well! If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em! [Casually takes a bite out of the sun, turning it into a half-moon].)
Boomstick: Okay, so the Eds are pretty insane on their own, but together, they’ve accomplished ridiculous feats. They’ve survived damage to their bodies that would otherwise kill normal men. They’ve beaten alligators to death using their heads, rulers, and yo-yos! Plus in one instance, they saved the entire CartoonNetwork Multiverse alongside Dexter, Samurai Jack, Ben 10, Mojo Jojo, and the Powerpuff Girls. All of whom had skills and abilities far above their own!
Wiz: Sounds pretty impressive, but the Eds are only Junior High School students. While Double D is the obvious brains of the group, Eddy still acts like the leader. Plus, their scams tend to backfire more times than not. This eventually led to a scam which sent the kids of the Cul-De-Sac into a hysteric frenzy in which their goal was to give the Eds the most painful beat-down of their lives.
Boomstick: Eddy’s solution? Find his brother and beg for asylum. And so after a typical TV Movie event runtime, the Eds made it to Eddy’s brother who agreed to help the Eds after the Cul-De-Sac kids had caught up with them… after a game of Uncle.
Wiz: As Eddy’s brother viciously beat Eddy, the kids began to stand up to Eddy’s brother. However, it was Ed who ultimately knocked him out. Leading Eddy to reveal the truth.
(EDDY: I made it all up, Double D! Everything about my brother was a lie! I made things up so people would like me! They’d think I was cool. But boy was I wrong! The scam, my brother, this. When am I going to learn, Double D? [Eddy buries his hands in his face as Double D moves the hands away and smiles.] DOUBLE D: I think you just have, Eddy.)
Wiz: With that admittance, after surviving 130 episodes, 4 specials, and a TV movie, the Eds were finally accepted by the other kids of the cul-de-sac. Except for Jonny 2x4 and Plank who attacked them having arrived after the Eds apologized.
Boomstick: Yup. In spite of everything that they’ve been through, the Eds have remained good friends for a very long time and they’ll fight for each other no matter what!
(EDDY: Let’s go to my house and make some Pizza! DOUBLE D: I’ll make the sauce! ED: I’ll get in the way and make a big mess.)
TEAM ROCKET[]
Wiz: Welcome to the World of Pokémon! This planet is truly a place of wonder, joy, and amazement! It is an idyllic world full of heroes who battle side-by-side with their Pokémon who teach each other while training to be the very best like no one ever was.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, it’s not all Sunshine and Jigglypuffs. While there are heroes of the Pokémon World, there are also villains. Various organized gangs who use Pokémon to further criminal activities. Among these gangs is the prolific Team Rocket.
Wiz: Led by their ruthless Criminal Boss Giovani…
Boomstick: So the only Italian in the Pokémon world and he’s a mafia leader. Smooth, Nintendo.
Wiz: … Team Rocket is dedicated to ruling the world through forced labor of Pokémon, especially legendary types. They also employ theft of Pokémon, and preform inhuman experiments on the creatures to further their own end.
Boomstick: Yes, it seems that Team Rocket represents the best in crime. But then you have these three.
(JESSIE: Prepare for trouble! JAMES: Make it double! JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation! JAMES: To unite all peoples within our nation! JESSIE: To denounce the evils of truth and love! JAMES: To extend our reach to the stars above! JESSIE: Jessie! JAMES: James! JESSIE: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! JAMES: Surrender now or prepare to fight! MEOWTH: Meowth! That’s right!)
Boomstick: …Are these guys for real?
Wiz: Don’t get the wrong idea, Boomstick. The Team Rocket Trio might be one of the worst henchmen teams in the history of anime, but they mostly stem from each member of the trio having a rather sad and harrowing backstory. For example, Jessie’s mother worked for Team Rocket when it was run by Giovani’s mother Madame Boss.
Boomstick: The fuck keeps naming these characters?!
Wiz: Unfortunately, while Jessie’s mother and Madame Boss were searching for the legendary Pokémon Mew, an avalanche collapsed on top of her, leaving Jessie to be raised in an orphanage where the only thing she had to eat was snow.
Boomstick: Man, who knew Japan could make something like Pokémon so fucked up?!
Wiz: Meanwhile, James came from an aristocratic family who wanted to force him into an arranged marriage with someone he didn’t like. So James ran away from it all. Lastly, Meowth was a stray Pokémon who wanted to impress a female Meowth and thus taught himself human English and how to walk on two feet… and was still rejected. Such a shame. You go through all that trouble to learn science to impress women, and still, they reject you.
Boomstick: Sure, like YOU know anything about love.
Wiz: I’m going to ignore that. Moving on, the trio eventually met and decided to join Team Rocket. Problem was… they just sucked at their job. Like REALLY suck at it. Since September 9th, 1998, they’ve continuously failed nearly every assignment given to them!
Boomstick: How Giovani hasn’t kicked them out, I have no idea.
Wiz: Well, I do. Because these three are more than the sum of their parts. Team Rocket may look weak on paper, but they’ve also got a form of Toon Force on their side.
Boomstick: Well, yes-and-no. See, they’ve managed to do stuff like survive massive explosions and survive the electricity of Ash’s Pikachu-
Wiz: Who is powerful enough to tear up the ground with this electricity!
Boomstick: -But at the same time, they have been shown to have their limits and can feel pain. It’s more likely an anime gag. Kinda like the cutaways you’d see on Family Guy. Still, Team Rocket has shown impressive feats despite being so dumb. Like when they were able to stop a Dragonite in mid-flight!
Wiz: According to source materials, Dragonites can reach speeds up to 1,556 miles per hour, and the average Dragonite weigh 463 lbs! And Team Rocket managed to halt one with only their bodies!
Boomstick: Much like my ex-wife, most of the heavy-lifting of the team falls upon Jessie’s shoulders. Not only can this vicious bitch breath fire when she gets upset, but can scratch you hard in the face to leave you in agonizing pain and scream loud enough to push someone away like she was a female Homelander. James may not be as strong, but he’s used his own improvisational skills to create a makeshift hammer that once busted open a large hole in a cave wall! Eat your heart out, Mjolnir! Hell, even Meowth’s claws can cut through metal and take down Brock’s Onix with one scratch. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!!!
Wiz: And having suffered Pikachu’s electrical wrath on multiple occasions, they’ve gotten quite adept at dodging lightning itself. Jessie has managed to overwhelm a treadmill with her speed, while James managed to dodge attacks faster than the speed of sound, and Meowth can claw at the air fast enough to create a tornado. Which should make Meowth’s speed around 50 to 300 miles per hour!
Boomstick: But Of course, Team Rocket do have more Pokémon than just Meowth. Like Wobuffet the psychic Pokémon who can literally act like a giant inflatable punching bag that dishes back any of your attacks and deliver them twice as hard. Jessie’s team are filled with Pokémon that are all about de-buffing her opponents and poisoning them. Like her Seviper and Gourgeist!
Wiz: While not as ruthless as his teammates, James’ Pokémon seem to be more about de-buffing and then finishing an opponent off with a series of quick attacks. Such as by using his Carnivine or Mime Jr. And while Meowth is not one to often get into Pokémon battles, he is capable of taking down larger Pokémon as we mentioned with Onyx.
Boomstick: And despite being the Yamcha’s of Team Rocket, the trio come equipped with some special gear as well. Such as jetpacks, smoke bombs, stealth goggles, binoculars, drones, helium tanks, giant electrical fans, voice-changing megaphones, metal rods, parachutes, gliders, water pumps, shock gauntlets, underwater electrical bombs, Pokéball Vaccuums, force field generators, multiple giant Pokémon Mechs, and mini-Meowth Balloon replicas. Oh, yeah. They have a Meowth Hot Air Balloon and these mini replicas have claws for restraining people! Given their Anime Toon Force, they can basically pull anything out of their asses like that certain red assassin asshole who always shows up unannounced!
Wiz: Despite their infamous track record, Team Rocket have still managed to come out with a few good achievements. They’ve resisted the effects of hypnosis, defeated an illegal Pokémon poaching group, and did become competent for a while. They even once managed to capture Pikachu after defeating Ash and his Pokémon fair and square… only to be carried off by another Pokémon before they could escape with their victory.
Boomstick: Yeah, they might not be Super Friends Aquaman or Dan Hibiki levels of stupid, but there’s a reason they’re known as one of the most idiotic teams in all of anime. They’re completely accident-prone, and their plans tend to blow up on them multiple times. But y’know, despite that, I can’t really bring myself to shit on them that much. I guess there’s a reason that they’ve endured as long as they have.
Wiz: That’s right, Boomstick. They might be bad at what they do, but the Team Rocket Trio never gives up even when the odds are stacked against them. No matter how many times they get sent flying off, they’ll always come back for more.
(JESSIE: That place brings back bad memories, James. JAMES: It certainly does, Jessie, and all of them are awful. MEOWTH: Tell me your tale of failure again. JESSIE: We studied for the big test. JAMES: So sure we could beat all the rest. MEOWTH: And here’s the part I like best. JESSIE: We frolicked that night, for our future seemed bright. JAMES: But things weren’t right. JESSIE AND JAMES: We got the lowest scores in the history of the school.)
DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTTTLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
PRE-FIGHT[]
We open on a sunny day as the camera pans down on the Cul-De-Sac of Peach Creek. We zoom in to find the Eds with hastily-made fake Pokémon on display at a makeshift table. The sign above them reads ‘FrEe PoKeMaNz 4 SaLe!’ Eddy snickers, rubbing his hands together in anticipation while Ed stands there laughing and Double D looks around nervously.
DOUBLE D: Eddy, is this really such a good idea.
EDDY: We’re both owned by Warner Bros./Discovery, Double D! It’ll be fine.
DOUBLE D (Rolling his eyes sarcastically): Yes. Because it’s worked out so well so far.
EDDY: Shut up, and look professional, boys! Here’s our first suckers!
Walking down the Cul-De-Sac streets are none other than the Team Rocket Trio of Jessie, James, and Meowth. The three stop by the Eds latest scam, before their eyes widen at something.
JESSIE: Is that what I think it is?!
JAMES: It can’t be…
MEOWTH: No freakin’ way!
Their eyes have fallen upon a crudely-made Pikachu toy.
JESSIE: You, shorty! How much for that Pikachu?!
EDDY: Y’know, normally I’d be kinda mad at being called that, but because I’m feeling generous, 75 cents.
Team Rocket slams money down before taking the Pikachu. They run off as Eddy laughs hysterically.
EDDY: What losers!
He then looks down and realizes something. It isn’t the regular currency, but rather the Pokémon currency.
EDDY: HEY! THIS MONEY’S THE WRONG CURRENCY!
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are looking at the ‘Pokémon’ before they see one of the button eyes fall off. The Trio looks at this dumbfounded as their faces suddenly turn to anger.
MEOWTH: HEY! THIS PIKACHU’S NOTHING BUT A CHEAP BOOTLEG!
Eddy jumps out from behind the counter.
EDDY: Ed, Double D; ON ME! (To Team Rocket) Okay, wise-guys! Nobody tricks us like that and gets away with it!!!
JESSIE (Smirking): Oh, nobody, huh?
(Music: Blast-ED Off!- Brandon Yates)
Without warning, the area suddenly turns dark despite it being daytime. The three friends look around confused as spotlights start moving around everywhere. Team Rocket suddenly appears from smoke and begin preforming their famous motto.
JESSIE: Prepare for trouble!
JAMES: Make it double!
JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation!
JAMES: To unite all peoples within our nation!
JESSIE: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
JAMES: To extend our reach to the stars above!
JESSIE: Jessie!
JAMES: James!
JESSIE: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!
JAMES: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
MEOWTH: Meowth! That’s right!
WOBBUFETT: Wobbufett!
The Eds look at Team Rocket with the infamous Saitama ‘O.K. Face’ meme plastered on them. Team Rocket are still in their dramatic pose.
EDDY: So are we going to fight or-
FIGHT![]
The Pokémon Battle theme starts blaring as Pokéballs fly across the screen, blacking everything out. The blackness iris zooms out to find Team Rocket and the Eds facing off in classic Pokémon Battle Gameplay style.
CAPTION: TEAM ROCKET TRIO WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE!
Jessie, and James move away leaving two Pokéballs behind along with Meowth.
CAPTION: TEAM ROCKET TRIO SENT OUT SEVIPER, CARNIVINE, AND MEOWTH!
The two Pokémon appear out of the balls alongside Meowth.
CAPTION: ED, EDD, & EDDY SENT OUT…
CAPTION: NOTHING.
Eddy turns around angry.
EDDY: WHAT?!
DOUBLE D: Eddy, we don’t have any of those creatures on us. You really should have thought this trough.
ED: I thought of something once. But then I found I was mistaken.
EDDY (Worried): Oh man. This is gonna hurt.
JESSIE: Seviper! Use wrap on the large dumb one!
JAMES: Carvine! Use Bullet Seed on the short dumb one!
MEOWTH: And I’ll scratch down on the wimpy one in the dumb hat!
The three Pokémon lunge forward. Seviper wraps around Ed who ponders for a minute, not at all affected that he’s being crushed by the Pokémon continuously wrapping around him tighter and tighter. Suddenly, his nose starts to twitch.
ED: Uh-oh.
JESSIE: Wait, what-?
ED: Ah-ah-ACHOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Ed sneezes, sending the Seviper flying off him as Ed’s body expands before deflating. The Seviper falls at the feet of Jessie unconscious as the self-proclaimed leader of the Team Rocket Trio looks dumbfounded.
ED: I sneezed.
Meanwhile, James’ Carnivine forcibly shoots rapid seeds at Eddy. However, the leader of the three Eds gets an idea and opens his mouth. The seeds fly in there, filling his mouth before Carnivine finally stops.
EDDY (With his mouth full): Hey, buddy! You ain’t seed nothin’ yet!
With that, Eddy spits the seeds back out, pelting Carnivine until it faints. James is also pelted as he tried to block with his hands unsuccessfully.
Meanwhile, Double D is barley dodging Meowth’s strikes.
MEOWTH: Hold still, you knucklehead!
Suddenly, Double D gets an idea and pulls out the Canadian Squirt Gun. Meowth looks confused.
MEOWTH: A turkey baster?! This is no time to be cooking-
Suddenly, Meowth is sprayed in the face as Double D now suddenly has the offensive. Terrified, Meowth runs back over to Jessie and James who are both equally trying to get a grasp of the situation.
JESSIE: What’s happening?! This can’t be right!! They don’t have any Pokémon and yet they’ve already trounced three of our best?!
JAMES: They just took our best moves head-on and barley flinched!
MEOWTH: If we can’t even take out non-trainers…
The three’s eyes water up as they scream out their revelation.
JESSIE, JAMES & MEOWTH: WE TRULY ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!!
The Team Rocket Trio proceed to cry as Double D and Ed suddenly look guilty.
DOUBLE D: Oh dear. Perhaps we were too hard on them.
EDDY: Forget that! Let’s finish ‘em off, boys!
DOUBLE D: We need to fill out the length of this battle, Eddy. Plus, it’s hardly going to be interesting if we’re the ones that continuously wail on them, right?
EDDY: No way! That harpy with the pink hair called me short! Let’s just get it over with now!
Double D looks at Ed.
DOUBLE D: Ed, do you know what’s coming up this month? Christmas!
Suddenly alert, Ed presses Double D’s head to rewind what he just said.
DOUBLE D: Christmas!
Ed presses Double D’s head to rewind one more time.
DOUBLE D: Christmas!
Ed smiles from ear-to-ear.
ED: CHRISTMAS!
DOUBLE D: That’s right, Ed. Now, don’t you think it would be right for you to help Eddy prop those three back on their feet?
Eddy is suddenly grabbed by Ed who also lifts Eddy’s shirt to expose his belly.
EDDY: ED, WHAT ARE YOU-
ED: PINK BELLY!
Ed slaps Eddy’s belly, causing Eddy to writher in pain.
ED: PINK BELLY!
He slaps the area again.
ED: PINK BELLY!
EDDY: OKAY! STOP! I’LL HELP OUT!!!!
Cut back to Team Rocket sobbing at their failure.
DOUBLE D: Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry.
JESSIE (Angered between sobs): Shut up, you twerp! It’s all a big laugh for you kids! Our organization can genetically engineer the most powerful Pokémon of all time, and yet we’re not strong enough to take on non-trainers! Some joke we are.
DOUBLE D: No. Quite the opposite. We started off humorous also, but it allowed us to grow and develop a following until we were accepted by our own peers. Could you at least do us a favor and take a look at something?
The three look up as the Eds hand them papers. The Team Rocket Trio look in shock. The papers are about them. Pictures of cosplayers, fan-made tattoos, custom T-shirt designs, fan art, fanfiction… all featuring Jessie, James, and Meowth.
DOUBLE D: Even if you do never accomplish your task, you’ve lit the fire of inspiration and creativity that’s helped others.
The three anime antagonists are dumbfounded.
JESSIE: Then… then it hasn’t been for nothing.
JAMES: Maybe… maybe being bad… has been the best thing we’ve ever done for others.
MEOWTH: You guys are starting to talk some sense! We can’t be crying our eyes out! We need to prove ourselves; outclassed or not!
The Team Rocket Trio rise to their feet triumphantly.
JESSIE: Okay, twerps! We’ll do this the old-fashion way.
JAMES: Even if you can withstand our Pokémon, we’re still grown adults compared to the likes of you!
MEOWTH: That means you’re gonna get trounced hard!
The Trio turn around to discover the Eds are gone.
JAMES: Where’d they go?
Suddenly, Ed and Double D appear behind Jessie and James respectively.
ED AND DOUBLE D: WEDGIE!
With that, Ed and Double D pull Jessie and James’ underwear until it’s pulled over their eyes. Eddy slides in next to Mewoth.
EDDY: By the way, your shoes are untied.
Meowth looks down as Eddy suddenly reaches down. We get a wide shot of the Cul-De-Sac as we hear the next parts.
EDDY: MELVIN!
We hear something being grabbed and shoved up, followed by a howl of pain from Mewoth. We then cut back to the Cul-De-Sac as we see the Eds laughing at Team Rocket’s misfortune. Unbeknowst to them, James manages to pull a remote out of his pocket and presses a button in the center. As the scammers of Peach Creek continue laughing at their prank, a loud stomping noise is heard and a shadow falls over the boys. The three stop and turn around to find Team Rocket’s giant Venusbot looming over them.
DOUBLE D: Oh dear.
EDDY: This is gonna hurt.
Ed, however, looks at it in amazement.
ED: Cool! This looks like the android from I was a 50 Foot Giant Robot: The Miniseries!
The Venusbot rears its fist back and then thrusts it forward, striking the Eds as they are sent blasting into the skt.
ED, DOUBLE D, AND EDDY: LOOKS LIKE ED, EDD, AND EDDY ARE BLASTING OFF FOR THE FIRST TIME!
They exit the atmosphere as the Team Rocket Trio stands proud.
JESSIE: Looks like we showed those twerps!
However, we then cut to space as the Eds fly upwards until they face-plant against something. We zoom out to find they’ve hit the computer screen displaying this very fight on the Death Battle Fanon Wiki. Eddy looks pleadingly at the person viewing this fight.
EDDY: Whatever you do… don’t scroll down.
…
Naturally, the person scrolled down, causing the Eds to fall back to Earth. Double D and Eddy scream in fear, while Ed’s face hardens with steely determination. He manages to grab his friends and put them on his back. As the two hang on to Ed’s jacket for dear life, Ed concentrates as he flies down. We then cut back to Team Rocket who notice something gleaming in the sky. Then they hear a voice.
ED: I AM ED! CHEESE AND MACCORONI!
With that, the boys collide with the Pokémon Mafia’s dumbest members. A loud boom is heard as a white light envelops everything. When things come back, everything is suddenly 3D Animated. But also everything looks broken. A house floats in the background, held up by a fork. A Bulbasaur soars overhead, and everything looks like abstract art.
JESSIE: James… what just happened?
JAMES: I don’t know. I haven’t seen madness this bad since the 2016 Presidential Elections.
Suddenly, the roof of the house in the background bursts open to reveal Team Rocket Members, Butch and Cassidy.
CASSIDY: EVERYTHING’S BROKEN, YOU IDIOTS!
BUTCH: FIX IT NOW!!!!
The Team Rocket Trio run away screaming at the top of their lungs due to the insanity. However, they end up hitting a wall and fall down. The wall parts opens revealing Brock standing in front of a static background.
BROCK: Hello, Team Rocket.
It’s then revealed that Brock has three heads.
BROCK HEAD #1: Many doors, right?
BROCK HEAD #2: Too much for…
BROCK HEAD #3: …nitwits like you!
JESSIE: A three-headed Brock?!
The trio get up and look around.
MEOWTH: All right you three punk kids! Where are you?!
EDDY (O.S.): Oh, don’t worry. HERE WE COME!
A train is heard as Ed rushes Team Rocket from behind, knocking them further away, Double D and Eddy still holding on to Ed’s coat.
BROCK HEADS: The story is not yet over!
Jessie, James, and Meowth land on a road leading to seemingly nowhere. They then take out missile launchers and start firing at the Eds who keep rushing towards them. Eventually, one of the explosions hits Ed head-on, leaving a giant mushroom cloud behind. Team Rocket cheer triumphantly.
JESSIE: YES! FINALLY, WE GOT THEM!
JAMES: Serves those idiots right for thinking they could mess with Team-
Unfortunately, he is cut off by something being thrown from the mushroom cloud. It appears to be a water balloon of some kind. Team Rocket lean in close to examine it as it explodes, leaving a visible stench cloud permeating the area. The worst members of Team Rocket begin choking on the now-stink-filled air. From out of the mushroom cloud, the three Eds charge at the Team Rocket Trio. However, at the last second, the Eds jump over Team Rocket, stepping out of their running feet. They then place the adults and their Pokémon mascot in their running feet, sending them running at top speeds and screaming as they smash into the camera, shattering everything. We cut to the moon with reality more-or-less back to normal for characters like these. Team Rocket face-plants on the moon but pulls themselves out. They look at each other with determination and strap on their jetpacks. Elsewhere, Ed has grabbed Double D and Eddy under his arms as they float towards the sun. At the last second, they stop floating towards the sun and Ed flies back towards Team Rocket.
EDDY: All right, Mono-Brow! LET’S SHOW THEM WHAT WE’RE MADE OF!
ED: YOU GOT IT, EDDY!
Team Rocket flies back at the Eds.
JESSIE: IF WE’RE GOING DOWN…
JAMES: WE’RE TAKING YOU DOWN WITH US!
MEOWTH: LET’S MAKE THE BOSS PROUD!
With that, the two fly towards each other. There’s a spark of white light as the Teams have passed each other. The Eds are re-entering Earth’s atmosphere at this point. Team Rocket are about to turn when their colors begin to float away into a bloby state. Eddy turns around holding up the outline of the Team Rocket Trio.
JESSIE: James… I don’t feel so good.
JAMES: Me neither…
MEOWTH: I guess this means…
TEAM ROCKET TRIO: TEAM ROCKET’S MELTING DO-
With that, their liquid forms float towards the sun and evaporate entirely, ending the lives of the Trio. Elsewhere, the Eds crash back into Peach Creek. They look up at the sun. Then Eddy has an epiphany.
EDDY: WAIT, WE WON THE BATTLE… AND WE DIDN’T GET OUR CASH OUT OF IT!
DOUBLE D: I guess even in Death Battle, we’re unable to make one cent of a profit.
ED: And one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know.
EDDY: Shut up, Ed.
With that, the black iris closes in on them.
K.O.[]
Announcer: K.O.!
RESULTS[]
Boomstick: Well, that was something! What a way to end this season!
Wiz: This fight pushed both teams to their absolute limits. Both could survive ridiculous punishments, had fourth-wall awareness and toon force, and could nearly match each other in their ridiculous reality warping. It’s entirely possible in a few scenarios that Team Rocket could have pulled off the victory. But more times than not, the Eds had them beat in their stats.
Boomstick: Yeah, while Team Rocket has been shown to mess around with physics, they’re still human. They can take a lot of punishment. But their world still more-or-less follows certain laws of physics that they still must abide by. And while they can take the punishment, it’s been shown time-and-time again that even they have their limits. And that’s where the Eds blew them out of the water.
Wiz: While defeating an Onix in one strike and halting a Dragonite mid-flight is certainly impressive, that still paled in comparison to the raw power of Ed. Not to mention once Double D and Eddy helped break reality, there was nothing that Team Rocket had to compare to those feats. Like lifting cement as if it was a carpet or eating the sun and turning it into the moon! The Eds could also counter every toon-force shenanigan that Team Rocket could throw. Even being burned or melted couldn’t keep the Eds down as they could reform themselves. But unlike the Eds, Rocket had no means of surviving getting their outlines removed and their colors literally washed away.
Boomstick: Not to mention the Eds survived just as much punishment as Team Rocket had and then some. Often, Team Rocket would be launched by an explosion. But the Eds have often BEEN at the epicenter of explosions and survived just fine! Literally, their toon force had a lot more to give. Including out-matching their speeds! Literally being able to jump back in time by running backwards would ensure that the Eds wouldn’t need a tip on how to counter Rocket in that way.
Wiz: Team Rocket were certainly a determined trio, but it wasn’t enough to overpower the toon-force shenanigans of the Eds.
Boomstick: Team Rocket thought they bag-ED this one, until it melted away!
Wiz: The Winners are…
ED, EDD, & EDDY: ED, EDD, N’ EDDY!
TRIVIA[]
The connection between Ed, Edd and Eddy & The Team Rocket Trio is that they are both 90’s trios that try (and constantly fail) to accomplish their goals (getting cash/being accepted & completing tasks for Team Rocket).
The fight would ideally mix hand-drawn animation, pixel animation, and CG Animation.
The track score Blast-ED Off! is a reference to the phrase ‘Blast Off!’ It is often associated with Team Rocket’s defeat quote “Team Rocket’s Blasting Off Again!” Adding ‘ED’ to the title is also a reference to how nearly every episode of Ed, Edd, N’ Eddy would work ‘Ed’ into the title of an episode.
The song would be a mixture of Jazz, Techno, and Rock. The score would also play on various motifs of songs from both the Eds and Pokémon franchises.
Thumbnail by Shadow7615 in honor of winning third place in the 8th Annual Death Battle Fanon Awards for the Best East vs West themed Death Battle.
This is the third of DBDoctor13's Fanon Fights to win one of the Fanon awards after Ash VS Negan in 2021, and Homelander VS Omni-Man in 2023. This fight won third place for the best 'East vs West' themed Death Battle in the 8th Annual Death Battle Fanon Awards.