| Driver vs Biker | |
|---|---|
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| Air date | 29th March 2025 |
| Written by | SpeedyHedgehog91 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Santa Claus (Violent Night) vs SCP-4666 |
Next Sonia Nevermind vs White Rabbit |
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Description[]
Drive vs Hotline Miami! Although they want to get out of their life of crime, these guys can't leave with unfinished business that they need to take care of. Who will win in a battle of two anti-heroic criminals best known for their driving skills?
Intro[]
Wiz: The Driver, the anonymous getaway driver from Drive.
Boomstick: The Biker, former member of the 50 Blessings from Hotline Miami.
Wiz: The life of crime isn't something worth living in and all these two want is to get out and start fresh. However, they've got one last job that needs to be done.
Boomstick: That being to fight each other to the death until only one is left standing. He's Wiz and I'm Boomsitck!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Driver[]
Wiz: There are a few things which a gang of criminals need for a perfect plan and one thing that they tend to forget is an escape route. Luckily there's a certain man donning a white jacket with a bright yellow scorpion that can be useful as a one-way ticket to escaping.
Boomstick: He may not talk much but he can get the job done. Enter...The Driver. Yep. That's the name he goes by apparently. I mean, his name was Paul West in the novel but everyone calls him The Driver.
Wiz: Driver has many careers outside of being a getaway driver. When he's not helping criminals escape from law enforcements, he works as both a car mechanic and stunt driver for films all while under the management of-
Boomstick: Walter White!
Wiz: Shannon. Different characters, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Who cares? It's another dude played by Bryan Cranston who also happens to work in a life of crime. You get the point.
Wiz: Outside of his daily life of working at Shannon's auto shop and crashing cars for movie stunts, the Driver found someone he cared for.
Boomstick: His neighbour Irene came by to his work and the two got along pretty well as they went for a romantic drive in his 1973 Chevy Malibu.
Wiz: However, things took a dark turn when Irene's husband Standard Gabriel got done serving time in prison and came home before finding out about the Driver's secret life as a getaway driver.
Boomstick: "Standard"...Gabriel? Y'know what? I'm not gonna ask.
Wiz: After getting brutally attacked by some mobsters that the Driver was familiar with, Gabriel hired him to help him escape from a thrift store he was about to rob.
Boomstick: The plan was going accordingly until...Kaboom! Gabriel and eventually Blanche were both shot down. Good thing the Driver can do more than...well, drive.
Wiz: These henchmen were working for none other than two guys named Bernie and Izzy who were already negotiating with Shannon for a legitimate business outside of criminal activity. Not only would they send people to hunt the Driver but Irene and her young boy as well.
Boomstick: However, the Driver was not letting anything happen to the love of his life and her child. This movie may start off slow but let me tell you, the second half makes it totally worth it with how brutal the Driver can get when he wants to. Some might even call it psychotic, which they aren't exactly wrong, but it's only fair given he was being attacked first.
(Kavinsky - Nightcall Instrumental)
Wiz: His choice of vehicle comes in the form of 1973 Chevy Malibu which reaches a top speed of 115 to 125 miles per hour. However, he has used other vehicles such as the 2011 Ford Mustang GT that can travel at an approximate speed of 155 miles per hour.
Boomstick: The fastest car has to be the Chevrolet Impala which is a slight bit slower than the Mustang, capping at 154 miles per hour. He's got plenty of other cars from both of his jobs but these are just the notable ones. You can also bet that he can probably pull off some great moves thanks to his experience as a stunt driver.
Wiz: Even outside of doing the thing he's best known for, the Driver can get quite dangerous in-person.
Boomstick: He's not afraid to get his hands dirty either. Well, maybe after a kill or two but then he was sorta doing alright. His trusted weapon is none other than a shotgun that he used to blow a guy's head off.
Wiz: Actually, his notable weapon is a hammer.
Boomstick: Oh. Uhhh, That works too I suppose. The Driver did use it to break Cook's hand and nearly used it to smash his skull in after all.
Wiz: It's not like the Driver can't use firearms. After all, he's shown that he's quite capable of using a shotgun on another person. It's just that he doesn't tend to carry a gun of his own.
Boomstick: Good thing he's got some strength. He was able to pierce a metal bar into one of his attackers and stomped a guy's head so hard that his skull got crushed. Too bad that also crushed the Driver's future with Irene. I know that she had no idea that he did all of that to save her life but given the madness that this guy was spiraling into, it might have been for the best anyways.
Wiz: Essentially, the Driver was caught in a situation where he needed to kill or else he would be killed and things...didn't get any better once Shannon was murdered.
Boomstick: It's also not like Izzy and Bernie's task was going to be easy. This guy has evaded the cops plenty of times and already killed three of their men.
Wiz: After ramming Izzy off the road after stalking him in a restaurant, the Driver took it upon himself to drown him in the ocean.
Boomstick: Not sure how anyone noticed the guy in a stunt mask spying on him through the window but if you can just walk past a few people with a blood-stained jacket, this is probably the least of anyone's concern.
Wiz: All there was left was Bernie who offers him a deal; all the Driver had to do was give him the money and Irene and her child will be safe.
Boomstick: And wouldn't ya know it? Bernie stabs him right through the gut but at least he's smart enough to go right for the neck with his own pocket knife, killing him instantly before he could slowly die himself...hang on a second! He's still alive?! He just drives away like he wasn't a few seconds away from death.
Wiz: The ending here is...vague to say the least. Some say that he escaped and stayed alive despite his injury while others believe he was later passed moments later. From what we see here, he seems perfectly fine.
Boomstick: I guess the life of a stunt driver where you regularly crash vehicles for movie scenes really pays off for how much you can endure. So there you go, the Driver kept the love of his life safe and his days of getaway driving are over.
Wiz: He may seem like an ordinary getaway driver and is a good person towards others but make no mistake because he can become a brutal force when he needs to be one in a battle.
Boomstick: Everybody says that the most silent people can also be the deadliest and this guy just proved that statement with all of those bloody kills.
Biker[]
Wiz: As many of you would know, the Cold War was a devastating time for the Americans and Russians.
Boomstick: And during this war, the Russians took over various US islands and many forces were sent and ordered to force any Soviets residing in these areas.
Wiz: Fast forward to 1985 in Miami and the US army is currently losing the war, thus a terrorist organisation called the 50 Blessings was formed. Their mission was to wipe out any and all members of the Russo-American Coalition, leaving messages on each member's answering machine and tasking them with new missions.
Boomstick: One member in particular sported a blue helmet and a sick motorcycle. His name...well, nobody has a real name that isn't the thing most associated with their traits or designs so everyone just refers to this certain guy as "Biker".
Wiz: Little to no information is known about the Biker's origins but on May 13th 1989, he decides he wants out of the 50 Blessings and thus goes on a mission to discover more about the operation he's a part of.
Boomstick: And the only reason he wants to quit is because he's "bored". I mean, Whatever the reason may be, the Biker is just done with this shit and interrogates Aubrey, the man who introduced him to the organisation to begin, on how to leave. That would require him to take a few trips to a Chinese Restaurant, a casino and a phone company, all while he hacks up plenty of Russian mobsters roaming around the place.
Wiz: As his nickname suggests, his most notable option for transport is his motorcycle which allows him to arrive at his destination in a quick amount of time. Nothing too crazy about it.
Boomstick: But what is crazy about him is his state of mind. The dude's reasons for joining the 50 Blessings to get a thrill out of his murderous intentions rather than the political agenda of everybody else after all.
Wiz: And he couldn't have done it all without the use of a Cleaver and three knives that he can throw hard enough to either land into a person's body or get stuck in a wall if he ever misses his targets.
Boomstick: And if blades aren't enough, he could probably make use of whatever firearm those mobsters drop after being killed.
Wiz: Well, not exactly. The Biker doesn't pick up any weapons lying around him. He's more of a close-quarter kind of guy than a ranged attacker.
Boomstick: Are you kidding me?! At least grab a pistol or something. I'm telling you. It will get the job done a lot sooner than later. He's lucky that his helmet can save him from a headshot at the very least, I suppose.
Wiz: He also makes up for this limited option of weaponry with his brutality, being able to wipe out an entire mob with little effort including large thugs.
Boomstick: And if you know this series well, you know these finishers can get brutal and the Biker is no different. He can hack people's face in with three blows from his cleaver and stomp on his enemies head. Oh, and he can slit people's throat too as one can expect from a guy that fights with blades.
Wiz: The Biker has also shown displays of hacking such as when he managed to find the location of where his phone calls are coming from. Freedom seemed to be getting closer for him-
Boomstick: Until some asshole in a chicken mask decided to show up and interrupt his business. Oh, nevermind. It's only Jacket. Y'know, the protagonist of the game.
Wiz: This is where things get...difficult to explain. In Jacket's story, the Biker lost the fight and was supposedly killed. However, it turned out that he survived getting his head smashed by a golf club courtesy of Jacket. In Biker's story though, Jacket wounds up losing and the Biker did a similar finishing move which Jacket would survive anyways.
Boomstick: Little ironic that those two can be taken down easily with a bullet yet can endure head-splitting injuries of sorts but what do I know. Also, there is this weird contrast with the Biker's dialogue where Jacket's the aggressor in his story while it's the other way around in the main one. Talk about false narrators.
Wiz: No matter what outcome is true or not, the Biker continued chasing down his callers and finally discovered the truth about the 50 Blessings and what he became a part of.
Boomstick: And through a quick journey in the sewers, he discovered the identity of the dude who's been assigning all of those messages and it just happened to be...two random janitors? I can't say I was expecting it.
Wiz: After killing them, the Biker eventually quits his days of violence and flees Miami. No more missions to kill for anybody's political beliefs.
Boomstick: Now he's free to leave the life of a murderer and...uh, live in the desert for two years and develop a serious drinking problem. That's one way of celebrating your freedom before a nuclear war starts I suppose.
Wiz: The Biker's fate is almost ambiguous but despite not being shown in the nuclear sequence throughout the sequel's ending, it's very unlikely that he survived the explosion.
Boomstick: At the end of the day, the Biker was one deadly threat that went to great lengths in order to complete his missions during his days as both a 50 Blessings operative and someone who did all he could to escape it.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright! The combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
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Death Battle[]
All was quiet in a local bar where an anonymous getaway driver sat and finished the last bits of his food. Just as he goes to leave the building, a man donning a blue biker helmet and a purple jacket storms in and speed walks towards a different guy and starts interrogating him. He violently shakes the man as he demands answers.
Technician: Just don’t hurt me! I’ll tell you what I know.
Biker: Who are the guys leaving me those messages! I’ll pull you apart if I have to!
Technician: I don’t know who’s calling the shots but what I do know is that they’re using PhoneHom to sweep up their trials. All I did was set it all up at the station.
As the Biker continues threatening him, the Driver takes it upon himself to invite himself to the scuffle and yank the Biker away. He then signals the Technician to leave the bar which he does so, causing the Biker to lash out.
Biker: Hey, punk! Mind your business. I’ve still got things that I need to know from that guy.
The Driver says nothing and maintains his emotionless face. He then walks out of the bar and drives off in his Chevy Malibu.
(Bendrr - The Synth Wars Cover)
Biker: Fine. Have it your way.
Filled with anger and irritation, the Biker decides to go after the silent man and starts up his motorcycle. He eventually catches up to the Driver who notices him through the back window of his car as a chase across the highway commences.
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The Biker drives over to the other side of the road and rams his vehicle into the side of the Driver's car in an attempt to push him off the road and crash. His idea initially fails as the Driver maintains control of his car and turns to his left for a bit and pushes the Biker away. The Biker is now driving on the wrong side of the highway and dodges out of the way at the last second before getting hit. With the Driver further ahead of him, the Biker then tosses one of his throwing knives towards one of the wheels but the Driver quickly reacts and swerves out of the way with the knife narrowly missing the tyre and instead landing on the road itself.
Biker: Son of a bitch.
Without stopping in his tracks, the Biker speeds up and picks up the knife along the way. Throughout their journey across the highway, a siren coming from a police car in hot pursuit catches the two speedsters' attention as they look behind and take notice. A worried Driver immediately turns into an exit lane, barely managing to merge with the rest of the traffic in the process. Disregarding his position on the road, the Biker follows pursuit and drives around the other cars which he receives plenty of horns blaring at him.
Upon leaving the highway, the Biker manages to track down the Driver at last only for his target to drive past before a large way of traffic started. The Biker was fortunate enough to find an empty alleyway which he drove through, allowing him to finally catch up with the Driver. The Biker drives at a similar pace to make use of another knife as he stabs directly into the Driver's window before taking a quick jab into his right arm, causing the Driver to temporarily lose his control over the steering wheel as he lets out an audible grunt.
As soon as he regains control, the Driver slows his vehicle down and starts driving behind the Biker before picking up the speed again in an effort to run him over from behind. The Biker reacts quickly and jumps off his motorcycle and ditches his ride before getting a grip on the back of the Driver's car. The Driver notices this and drives into the car park of a local nightclub and swerves hard enough to send the Biker flying off his vehicle and land in a large pile of trash bags sitting outside of the building.
The Biker gets back up on his feet while the Driver gets out of the car with a hammer in his hand.
Biker: You're dead meat.
The Driver goes to smack his enemy with the hammer but the Biker quickly blocks the attack and kicks him away before taking out a cleaver and charging him. The Biker tries swinging it towards the Driver's neck but he narrowly dodges it and hits him in the stomach with his knee before grabbing him by the collar of his shirt as he finally speaks.
Driver: You nearly got us arrested...so why don't you do us both a favour by shutting up and getting out of here before I kick your teeth down your throat? Got it?
Not taking the Driver's advice, the Biker headbutts his opponent before tossing him through the doors of the night club which causes them to fall off their hinges upon impact. As the Driver gets back up, the Biker walks inside as the two grab the attention of every mobster sitting in the facility. Realising what the two have gotten themselves into, both of them quickly move to the closest corner where they could avoid immediately getting shot down as bullets start firing towards them.
Two mobsters, both wielding two knives, followed the Driver who grabs one and smacks him in the forehead with his hammer killing the mobster instantly. The second one almost manages to stab the Driver but is punched in the throat, causing him to drop the weapon out of his hand which the Driver uses to stab directly into his chest as blood spills from it. Meanwhile, the Biker wasn't nearly as lucky as he had to make use of a broken table to shield himself from any mobsters that were firing bullets towards his way although he seemed to have already been hit in his left arm where blood was running down. As soon as they ran out of bullets, the Biker takes his chance to slit each of the mobsters' throats which results in blood splashing onto his vest and his helmet before each of them drops to the floor.
The Biker wipes the blood off his helmet to clear his vision through it only to be met with a few other mobsters, one of which being one of the bigger threats as he sighs and prepares his throwing knives.
Biker: (sigh) This is just great.
At the same time, the Driver had just put a few more mobsters down himself as some of his white jacket was now stained by the blood of his enemies. The Biker throws all three of his knives at a rapid pace and lands a killing blow on two of his victims, one being struck in the chest and another right through his neck. Unfortunately, one of them managed to dodge the knife that was coming his way and let it pass through him and the Driver with the latter having been slit as it flew past and landed into a wall, giving the Driver a slight cut that was visible on the right side of his face.
In retaliation, the Driver grabs a nearby machine gun and aims directly towards the Biker who notices and grabs the mobster standing in front much to his surprise. Just as the Driver starts firing, the Biker uses the mobster as a human shield which results in multiple bullet holes being made as blood rapidly spills from the deceased mobster. The Biker drops the body as soon as the Driver runs out of bullets. The Biker goes in for the kill but the Driver blocks the attack with the gun before striking him in the chest with his elbow. The ambush wasn't over as another swarm of mobsters joined in on the bloodshed. To make matters worse, most of them were armed with guns.
While the two continue to battle each other, the Driver and Biker have to compete with the mobsters and land whatever hits they can give each other whenever they have a chance. They both pick up their dropped weapons as the Biker tosses one of his knives again before trying again on the Driver who quickly ducks down and lets him strike one of the bigger mobsters in the head. Meanwhile, the Driver grabs his hammer and smacks it across a mobster's head so hard, it results in his neck twisted and getting killed instantly. He also makes use of tables and chairs to compete with the larger foes while the Biker continues slicing through the remaining threats.
One by one, each mobster dropped on the floor spilling blood in the process until a larger man had been the last one standing. This spelt doom for the Biker who knew his cleaver wouldn't be enough to put him down for good. The Driver on the other hand noticed a shotgun that had one bullet left which he picked up and used to shoot the mobster right through the head, killing him instantly.
(Justice & Tame Impala - One Night/All Night)
The mobsters were no more as both opponents were now facing each, covered in blood from the ambush that they had to fend off. The Biker takes a swing at the Driver but only tears through his jacket and receives a hammer to the hand that he was holding his cleaver. This caused the Biker hand to break and drop the cleaver as the Driver kicked him before tossing him to the ground. The Driver turns the hammer around and goes to stab him with its claw but the Biker manages to grab ahold and make him struggle to push the hammer down. The Biker notices one of his knives still sitting in one of the deceased mobsters and rips it out before stabbing the Driver in his stomach, causing him to let out a quick yell as he loses his grip and drops his hammer on the floor.
The Biker gets back up and starts throwing punches into the Driver's face while his foes struggle to maintain his stature before stumbling and leaning over the nearby bar. While the Driver continues to battle against his own fate, the Biker picks up his cleaver and starts walking towards him.
Biker: You had your chance-
To his surprise, the Biker wounds up getting stabbed through the neck courtesy of a pocket knife that the Driver had on him before using the knife from earlier and stabs the Biker in the same place he was stabbed. The Driver then tosses him to the ground hard enough for his helmet to fall off his head, revealing his face to the Driver as he begins coughing up blood.
Biker: N-no. I'm so (cough)...close...
As he prepares to put the Biker down for good, the Driver gives him the last words he'll ever hear.
Driver: You should've thought of that earlier.
With no more remorse in him, the Driver grabs the edge of the bar to give himself more leverage as he starts stomping on the Biker's head numerous times until it is crushed into pieces as blood explodes across the floor.
(Music Ends)
The Driver takes a minute to look down at the headless body in silence with no emotion in his face. With his business taken care of, the Driver exits the bar and drives off in his Chevy Malibu in hopes that he can escape the crime scene before any law enforcements show up.
KO
Results[]
(College & Electric Youth - A Real Hero)
Boomstick: To start off with, I thought the verdict would be clear and cut that the Biker would come out on top but it seemed as though the debate on who wins here is a lot stronger than one would initially think.
Wiz: You would be correct Boomstick. This was incredibly close so let's break it down into four different categories.
VEHICULAR COMBAT
Boomstick: Let's start with their vehicular combat and driving skills before getting into their physicality. The Biker would probably hold his own in a deadly street race but the Driver is very much out of his league here.
Wiz: The Driver has had more experience when it comes to chases and evading others on the road given his occupation as a getaway driver. Plus, he would probably have the most experience out of the two. Not much else to say here. Vehicular combat easily goes to the Driver.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, regular combat would probably serve as a far more difficult challenge given how close it was.
SPEED
Wiz: Speed was something where the Driver would inevitably come short outside of any vehicles. He did act fast and manage to avoid getting shot to death but the Biker has shown to be much faster than his foes, including Jacket.
Boomstick: Not to mention that he's a way faster attacker in comparison as he normally goes a quick murder by chucking a knife or slitting throats. That being said, the Biker takes Speed with relative ease.
STRENGTH
Wiz: When it came to deciding who was stronger however, strong arguments could be made for both sides. They've shown that they are very capable of overwhelming their enemies and being able to pierce weapons into them fairly easily. However, some could argue that the Driver would barely take this category.
Boomstick: The difference between the Driver curb stomping that guy in the elevator and the Biker doing the same with Jacket is that one actually happened and even resulted in a death. Sure, it took more effort but at least it got the job done.
Wiz: Because of that, the Driver only just manages to take the advantage here.
DURABILITY
Boomstick: And that brings us to our last category, durability. Now you might be wondering: "What about Jacket's side of the story? Didn't he at least survive when he was on the receiving end of the fatal blow?". Maybe but mind you, the Driver has survived crashing cars numerous times thanks to his job as a stunt driver.
Wiz: To add on, the Driver was able to shrug off the previously mentioned gunshot wound and being stabbed by Bernie. Even if the Biker did survive being his head slammed by a golf club, he's shown to still be just as vulnerable as it's possible for him to die from similar gunshots.
Boomstick: Serves him right for not thinking of picking up any firearm that his foe drops I guess.
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Wiz: While this fight definitely could have gone either way, the Driver tended to hold a few slight edges that would make his chances of winning a bit more likely.
Boomstick: Too bad for the Biker though. It seems as though his next destination is a Highway to Hell.
Wiz: An AC DC joke? That's all you can offer here?
Boomstick: What? I fear that if I came up with anything else, it would probably be hard to explain as Kavinsky's well-known song from the movie says.
Wiz: The winner is the Driver.
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The screen fades to black.
Alternative Ending[]
Boomstick: But what if...we saw this fight from a different perspective.
The Biker falls to the ground while the Driver turns the hammer around and goes to stab him with its claw. However, the Biker manages to grab ahold and make him struggle to push the hammer down. The Biker notices one of his knives still sitting in one of the deceased mobsters and rips it out before stabbing the Driver in his stomach, causing him to let out a quick yell as he loses his grip and drops his hammer on the floor.
The Biker gets back up and starts throwing punches into the Driver's face while his foe struggles to maintain his stature before stumbling and leaning over the nearby bar. While the Driver continues to battle against his own fate, the Biker picks up his cleaver and starts walking towards him.
In retaliation, the Driver takes out a pocket knife and goes to stab the Biker in the neck only for his attack to be prevented when the Biker uses his free hand to grab the Driver's arm and chuckles at his failed attempt.
Biker: Yeah right.
After that, the Biker slices the Driver's throat with the cleaver and lets him drop to the ground. He then walks over to the Driver who was now coughing up blood in his final moments.
Biker: You had your chance.
With a single stomp, the Biker crushes the Driver's head in an instant as his blood explodes across the floor. Nothing but silence filled the room as the Biker leaves his finished business behind and exits the bar as the camera fades to fade.
Boomstick: Don't ask how we managed to find that alternative ending by the way.
Trivia[]
- The connections between Driver and Biker are:
- Anonymous criminals best known for their respective vehicles, hence why they're mainly referred to their occupations
- After many missions in their life of crime, both intend on getting out of their situations and quit their life of crime (Driver wants to keep Irene safe from the mob he works for and thus decides that he doesn't want to work as a getaway driver anymore and Biker wants to leave the 50 Blessings)
- Both resort to violent and psychotic acts to anyone who gets in their way (Driver tortures anyone who tries to kill him whether or not they surrender to him and Biker has no reason for his killings besides doing it for fun)
- In the end, both finally take down the ones behind the events of their stories (Bernie and the Janitors) and drive into the night knowing that they got what they wanted and leave their life as a criminal behind
- This fight would be animated with sprites.
- Fun Fact: Hotline Miami was influenced by Drive.
- Driver was originally going to battle Baby from Baby Driver but his opponent was soon changed to Biker after a few months.