Dr. Doofenshmirtz vs Denzel Crocker

Dr. Doofenshmirtz vs Denzel Crocker is the third What-If? Death Battle of GoCommitDi's second season, featuring Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb and Denzel Crocker from The Fairly OddParents in a battle between incompetent geniuses who wear lab coats, have sappy backstories, and want to take over specific areas so they can finally earn respect from people who have wronged them in the past.

Description

Phineas and Ferb vs The Fairly OddParents! Miserable geniuses with white lab coats and tragic backstories that change episode-to-episode? Check. Continuously failing at taking over a specific place? You bet. Inventors of advanced technology that literally end up blowing up in their faces? Oh yeah. False doctorate degrees? They have 'em. Identical back humps? Yup. Overly obsessed with trying to capture a certain species (a platypus and fairies) that make them sound delusional? Can't forget that.

Jeez, with this amount of similarities, this matchup can only be the work of... FAIRY GOD PARENTS!!!!! Will the leader of L.O.V.E. M.U.F.F.I.N top out as the creator of the -inator, or will Dimmsdale Elementary's notorious teacher hand Heinz both an F and an L?

Intro

(Er Indoors)

Potty: When you see white lab coats, what do you think of?

Patchy: Uhh, legal drug dealers? Wait, I meant pharmacists.

Potty: I was moreso thinking of incompetent-geniuses-who-have-depressing-backstories-and-repeatedly-fail-at-taking-over-a-city.

Patchy: Ohhhh, so you mean Dr. Doofenshmirtz - the unemployed scientist and arch-nemesis of Perry the Platypus who aspires to take over the tri-state area?

Potty: Yup. And Denzel Crocker - Timmy Turner's insane teacher with an ear on his neck whose only dream is proving fairy godparents are real.

Patchy: I'm Patchy the Pirate, and he's Potty the Parrot.

Potty: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle.

Pre-Fight Poll

Cast your roots/bets here, or not.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz Presents the DEATH BATTLE!-inator

(Back in Gimmelshtump)

Potty: You know how every villain needs a backstory? Especially a tragic one? Well, Heinz Doofenshmirtz may not be THE most evil person out there, but he still has a tragic backstory.

Patchy: Umm, actually, he has PLENTY of backstories - enough to fill in four seasons. But we'll try our best to explain anyway. In the town of Gimmelshtump, which is somewhere in Drusselstein, Heinz Doofenshmirtz was raised by parents who neglected him.

Potty: Yeah, I mean they didn't bother to attend his birth! Wait, how the hell is THAT possible?

Patchy: ...you don't wanna know.

Potty: Because of the mental abuse and isolation, Doofenshmirtz spent his childhood by himself, like throwing surprise parties for himself.

Patchy: It didn't help that Drusselstein was so poverty-ridden and dull, that their idea of advanced technology was the wheel. Doofenshmirtz was raised by ocelets and was forced to wear girls' clothes for an entire year. But that's not the worst of it. He was once forced to be the family's lawn gnome and the projectile tossed in a dunk tank game.

Potty: Apart from being treated like shit, he failed at everything he dreamed of doing, but the last nerve that was struck was being sent to America. You know, the land of fast food, overpriced rent and shootings.

Patchy: Wow, totally didn't see those "America bad!" jokes coming.

Potty: You gotta admit, I'm the most original person you know.

Patchy: Not by a long shot.

Potty: Doofenshmirtz aspired to go to a land of golden opportunity, but his luck said "Fuck that shit". Upon arrival, Doofenshmirtz faced even more humiliations, like a gigantic crate dropping on him the second he departed.

Patchy: He developed into a genius to achieve one simple goal...take over the worl-I mean, the TRI-STATE AREA!

Potty: Well, he's not a complete genius. He's incompetent to the point of losing to a potted plant and giving all of his inventions self-destruct buttons. But at the same time, underestimating him is a fatal mistake.

Patchy: Doofenshmirtz is smart enough to build reality-defying gadgets on a daily basis, trick his sworn rival, Perry the Platypus, numerous times, turn a mutated Johnny back into a human, make time travel possible, manipulate minds and memories, and recreate a painting made by his brother.

Potty: And you don't wanna pick a fight with him either.

Patchy: Yeah, Doofenshmirtz is powerful enough to spar against his sworn rival, Perry the Platypus, who can harm him, and has even fought on par with him after he became Perry's equal.

Potty: For reference, Doofenshmirtz is durable enough to tank the upper portion of his headquarters exploding, which is 17.86 tons of TNT and survive an enormous ball of foil colliding with him...which is a bit weaker, since it's 5 tons of TNT.

Patchy: With how often he survives his headquarters blowing up, it's like this is an everyday thing for him!

Potty: You just implied it is.

Patchy: Could you not interrupt me for once, you birdbrain?!

Potty: Duly noted, Your Majesty.

Patchy: (grunts) Doofenshmirtz has also survived a giant disco ball falling on him, as well as getting stepped on by a skyscraper-sized robot that plowed through buildings and casually lifted up towers.

Potty: He's pretty fast for a 40-something-year-old, too. He often tags Perry in combat, who regularly dodges cannonballs, missiles, and more importantly, lasers.

Patchy: No, the important part is how Doofenshmirtz was the fastest cup stacker in his time.

Potty: But of course, stats aren't what make Doofenshmirtz formidable. Those would be his inventions...I mean, his -inators. For convenience sake, we'll list the ones that would actually be useful within the battlefield.

Patchy: However, did you know his first -inator is the only one without "-inator" at the end? That would be the Magnetism Magnifier, which was created to reverse Earth's rotation by covering the eastern seaboard in tinfoil.

Potty: He has a giant robot that was designed to take over the tri-state area, and the Age Accelerator-inator (try saying that three times fast), which was made to age up...cheese.

Patchy: His Slave-inator can hypnotize the victim into doing Doofenshmirtz' bidding, and the Copy and Paste-inator does exactly what you think it does - create perfect copies of himself.

Potty: I can demonstrate these since I have my own spare copies of 'em. Observe.

Patchy: Wait, what the-?

(Potty takes out a massive projection screen that has a swirling circle, which hypnotizes Patchy)

Potty: You will become veeeeeeeee-ryyyyyyyyy sleeeeeeeee-pyyyyyyyyyy...

(Patchy falls asleep. Potty inserts himself into the Copy and Paste-inator, producing a few clones of himself. Potty's clones steal Patchy's wallet, scribble on his face with a marker, and steal slices of pizza from the fridge presumably belonging to him)

Potty: Aaaaaand, now you'll wake up.

Patchy: (wakes up) Huh? Whu-? Oh shit! I'm sorry, Potty, I must've fallen asleep.

Potty: Ah, don't worry about it. Beauty rests are good for you.

Patchy: Wait a minute, how come I can't feel my wallet in my pocket?

Potty: Probably something to do with the fact you just barely woke up.

Patchy: Ah. Right. Now, where were we? Oh! We have the Shrink Spheria, which shrinks anything Doofenshmirtz hates. The Freezeanator does the obvious by freezing his opponent in place, the Slow Motion-inator slows down whatever it hits, and there's my personal favorite, the Giant Robotic Penguin Icy Freeze Your Socks Off Breath-inator, which freezes his opponent solid.

Trivia

• The connections between Doofenshmirtz and Crocker are that they are incompetent, middle-aged underdog villains with white lab coats and identical hunchbacks who had tragic childhoods that morphed them into the evil geniuses that they are today. They lack strong motivations for taking over specific areas (the tri-state area and Fairy World) due to their unhealthy obsessions towards certain people (Perry the Platypus and fairies) and their clumsiness. They have a miserable life, with the things they wanted being either things they didn't get, failed at in the past, or didn't get a chance to improve on. They serve as the main arch-nemesis of a small, unimpressive-looking hero (Perry and Timmy Turner) who always manage to easily defeat them once they have their turn to act. Outside of having their plans fail almost all the time, both are comedic characters subject to gags that put them through a lot of pain. Both have wanted to take over the world, but never had a chance to up until their respective show's first movies (Phineas and Ferb Across the 2nd Dimension and Abra-Catastrophe!). All in all, they are repeatedly mocked on a daily basis, and thus seek for both respect and revenge as a result.
• The fight would be animated in live-action hand-drawn animation.
• The track title would be Curse You, Fairy the Platypus!