Doomguy VS Caleb is a What If? Death Battle and the 2nd battle by NEWChristianthepupbot.
Description[]
DOOM VS Blood.
First Person Shooters have always been about war, space, or both. But why go into the stars when you can go straight to hell. Will Doomguy rip and tear a cowboy, or is Slayer being served extra crispy?
Intro []
Boomstick: I don't need to be a redneck with a shotgun leg to tell you that firearms are pretty damn cool.
Wiz: Wanna know what isn't cool? Demons and the occult. The pure essence of fire and despair.
Boomstick: But things get really messy when you combine the two one way or the other. Take Doomguy, The Slayer of Demons.
Wiz: And Caleb, horror to the undead.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And It's our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win A DEATH BATTLE.
Doomguy/Doom Slayer[]
Doomguy rips his way into DEATH BATTLE!
Wiz: "Abandon all hope" is said to be written on the gates of hell. It's a place of death, despair, evil and corruption. Ruled and scoured by the demons that roam, evil was always lurking from every corner.
Boomstick: So imagine a being so powerful, so angry and so badass that the very monsters roaming around soil their non-existent pants by the mere mention of his name. The legend, the brutal (Music Stop)...Doom Slayer
(Music Continue).
________________
BACKGROUND:
-Name: Doomguy, Doom Slayer
-Age: >100
-Height: 6'2
-Weight: 230ibs
-Occupation: Marine
-Killer of Demons
-Skilled in firearms
-Member of the Blazkowicz family and son of Commander Keen
________________
Boomstick: Or Doomguy, sometimes at least. Started out with a promising career in the military, but blew it away after his commander politely asked him to murder innocent civilians. Huh, guess he didn't start out as a rage-filled anger machine.
Wiz: Not exactly, as he decided to beat the war criminal to near-death.
Boomstick: There's the slayer I know and love. Anyways, for his crimes against...crime, he would be thrown into the government's time out corner IN SPACE! Mar's moon. And it was...boring...
Wiz: However, things were going to become a lot more eventful as the UAC were testing teleporting technology on those moons. But, things quickly failed as the device went out of hand, and all of a sudden, reality itself tore.
Boomstick: Oopsy, a portal to Hell itself opened, and a shit ton of demons went right through the place to wreak havoc. Doomguy wasn't going to let that slide and decided to end the invasion once and for all with the holiest of weapons...GUNS!
_________________
REGULAR WEAPONRY
-Pistol
-Shotgun (Super Shotgun)
-Chaingun
-Plasma Rifle
-Chainsaw
-Rocket Launcher
-Doomblade
________________
Boomstick: Starting off small is the pistol. This hand cannon packs one hell of a punch, capable of mutilating you in a few shots. If you think bigger is better, try the shotgun. Wait, better idea! Try the Super Shotgun! It's faster and stronger than your average shotgun and comes with a chain. Perfect for ripping apart the undead with your bare hands.
Wiz: Doomguy isn't just going to punch you to death. At least, not without the Doomblade. A small but powerful hidden blade capable of serving demonic heads. Of course, if Doomguy doesn't like getting up close that particular day, he has the chaingun.
Boomstick: This beautiful death machine fires 9 rounds a second and is a perfect weapon for speedy destruction. But, if you want your good ol' fashion regular destruction, try the rocket launcher.
Wiz: And, because he's in space, Doomguy carries the Plasma Rifle. Doomguy isn't afraid to get messing either, carrying a chainsaw and all.
Boomstick: Hell, it seems our doomy friend is afraid to get clean! He'll happily walk straight into battle wearing your blood and guts as a trophy as your remains splatter everywhere thanks to grenades. He could reduce you to ash or stun and freeze you as well, making it a cold day in hell.
Wiz: Doomguy isn't above making modifications to his own body either. Using powerups, he can turn himself semi-invisible, see the invisible, become completely invulnerable, and with a berserk powerup, can completely shatter a demon with one fatal blow.
Boomstick: Damn, this guy is angry. What does he have against demons?
Wiz: They killed his bunny, Daisy.
Boomstick: To Hell with them! Wait, no. To DOUBLE HELL with them! Speaking of double hell, Doomguy wouldn't get his killer reputation if it weren't for his extra special weaponry. Starting off with one of the best-named guns I've seen in a while. THE BIG FUCKING GUN!
(The Only Thing They Fear is You)
______________________
ADVANCED WEAPONS
-BFG 9000
-Crucible
-The Unmaker
-Ballista
-Gauss Cannon
-Heavy Assault Rifle
___________________
Wiz: The BFG 9000 is called one of Doomguy's most destructive and reliable weapons. Capable of huge laser fire, it's a threat to any of the undead unlucky enough to stand in front of The Slayer.
Boomstick: It's absolutely beautiful. Couple that up with some of Doom Slayer's other weapons like The Gauss Cannon and the Ballista and you have matched made in the bloody remains of Hell. And if he wants to see your insides, held in his kit is The Lightsaber to End All Lightsabers. The Crucible.
Wiz: Easily slashing demons like butter, this sword was forged for the sole purpose of absolute destruction. However, it all pales in comparison to Doomguy's greatest weapon of all. The Unmaker.
Boomstick: This demonic machine of death can fire precise lasers or a bullet hell of ammo. It's fueled by demonic energy itself. While this does mean it's unless against anything from the land of the living, anythings a demon if Doomguy says it is.
________________
FEATS
-Survived massive falls.
-Tore apart demons with his bare hands.
-Outran his own rockets.
-Defeated the Icon of Sin and Spider Mastermind.
-Survived being shot out of a cannon.
-Raided hell around 6 separate times.
-Shrugs off Electrocution.
-Survived two terrible movies and an even worse book.
________________
Boomstick: The Slayer tanks massive falls, rips through demons like I do electricity bills, can outrun his own rockets, and is usually the sole survivor whenever the government does something wrong.
Wiz: He's used this power to raid hell six separate times, each time leaving nothing but a trail of demonic blood.
Boomstick: And he's beaten such powerful foes as The Spiderdemon, The Spiderdemon again, The Icon of Sin, Not The Icon of Sin, The Icon of Sin 2, and John Romeo's severed head. He's also the owner of my favourite retirement plan. Killing demons for as long as he lives, which is a long time.
Wiz: Indeed, eventually Doomguy was captured and became a valuable assist for the equivalent of angels.
Boomstick: As you may have guessed, they pissed off him and now they don't exist anymore.
Wiz: Still, Doomguy doesn't seem to have a plan other than rushing in and killing demons until they die, which has landed him in trouble. He also suffers from PTSD and even before those events his mental state can be...questioned.
_______________
Doomguy: YOU ARE HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS! RIP AND TEAR!
_______________
Boomstick: What's wrong with a little enthusiasm? He cares for the environment, like toys and loves bunnies. But the thing he loves the most is seeing a demon and its vital organs superated.
Wiz: Indeed. After a hundred years of slumber when he was laid to rest, he was once again awoken from his coffin to do what he does best.
Boomstick: Rip and tear until it's done.
___________________________
King Novik: You remain...unbroken...for your fight is...eternal.
-The Doom Slayer (Not actually Doomguy who says this)
Caleb[]
Caleb lives again in DEATH BATTLE!
Wiz: Our story begins in the 19th century in the old west.
Boomstick: YEEEEEEHAW!
Wiz: We won't be here for long.
Boomstick: YEEEEEEaaw.
Wiz: In this time you only had three options. Dig graves, fill them, or rest in them.
Boomstick: Caleb chose all three options. He was known as a merciless gunman before he could legally drink! At 17, he was already as badass as you could get.
________________
BACKGROUND:
-Name: Caleb.
-Age: 181 (24 biologically)
-Height: At least 5'10" (1.78 m)
-Weight: Unknown
-Occupation: Gunfighter. Leader of The Chosen.
-Skilled in organ playing and singing.
-Favourite Food: Hearts.
________________
Wiz: Life seemed to be going...as well as it could for a psychotic cowboy. But, he felt like he was missing something in his life. Love.
Boomstick: Enter Ophelia Prince. She was your average crazy British widow whose husband was just killed in a cult, and that was apparently Caleb's type. So he joined the Cabal cult where they worship that Mortal Kombat character.
Wiz: Tchernobog.
Boomstick: Disney Satan was in Mortal Kombat?
Wiz: All was going well for Caleb, especially since all the cult preached was actually true. However, things took a turn when Tchernobog snapped and for seemingly no reason killed all of the cult members.
Boomstick: Is that what's happening in these cutscenes? They look terrible. Anyway, over a century later, Caleb woke up and decided enough was enough. He grabbed a pitchfork and the coolest voice ever;
_______________________
Caleb: They're all dead, they just don't know it yet.
_______________________
Boomstick: And went to cause as much carnage as he possibly could. Just like any good undead cowboy, Calebs packs a shit ton of firearms.
________________
WEAPONRY
-Pitchfork
-Pistol
-Flare Gun
-Tommy Gun
-Dynamite
-Shotgun
-Aerosol Can
________________
Boomstick: Like I said, he has a pitchfork. Nothing special. He also enjoys dual-wielding pistols. Dual-wielding is Caleb's favourite thing to do so keep that in mind. He also carries one of the fastest shotgun I've ever seen. And when he's feeling extra murder happy, the Tommy Gun is a personal favourite of his. Two at once if he's lucky.
Wiz: Though what sets Caleb apart from your average gunslinger is his deadly creativity.
Boomstick: If you couldn't already tell from the whole cultist thing, Caleb's pretty sadistic. He'll happily laugh at you while you're burning to death. He might even sing a campfire song over your crispy corpse.
Wiz: And he has just the weapons to do it. Mainly, a flare gun. While it may seem average, it easily stabs into flesh and can turn you into nothing more than ash. He can do the same thing with a...spray can and lighter.
Boomstick: I remember when I tried doing that classic experiment so long ago...
Wiz: It was two weeks ago.
Boomstick: Oh yeah! Oh, by the way, I broke the guest room again.
Wiz: Some of Caleb's best quality's come from his powerups. He's capable of invisibility, invincibility, and can deflect attacks if needed. He can also use The Anger, an item that can greatly improve on his damage capability.
Boomstick: But if Caleb loves anything more than murder, it's murder by explosion! For those desires, he carries a lot of dynamite, but not just any pieces of TNT. These are advanced dynamites!
___________________
ADVANCED WEAPONRY
-Remote Bombs
-Tesla Cannon
-Napalm Launcher
-Life Leech
-Voodoo Doll
-Assault Rifle
-CabalCo Death Ray
-The Singularity Generator
_____________________
Boomstick: Two of Caleb's best weapons are the Remote Dynamite and the Tesla Cannon, a huge gun that shoots electricity itself. And of course, Caleb can hold two of them at once.
Wiz: Pretty advanced technology for a game taking place in the early 1900s.
Boomstick: You want advanced? Try the Napalm Launcher and Death Ray. One is basically a grenade launcher and the other bounces off walls for some reason...Eh, at least the sequel got us the M-16 Assault Rifle.
Wiz: And being exposed to the supernatural itself, Caleb isn't above using magical weapons. The Life Leech is a skull that can shoot devastating fireballs and doubles as a turret, and the voodoo doll can basically kill anything in sight with simple pins and hand gestures. And that's not even his best weapon. Meet the Singularity Generator. This behemoth of a cannon can shoot vortexes that put any unfortunates souls near it into the unknown.
Boomstick: Damn, with all this power, why did Disney Satan kill him in the first place?
Wiz: Actually, Tchernobog always knew Caleb was powerful, and the betrayal was all an act. He figured that if he got Caleb angry enough, he would gain the powers of all he killed and thus Tchernobog could fuse with him and gain his power to take over the world.
Boomstick:...What? THAT was his plan? Dude, Caleb was already your bitch, he could have just said "Hey, buddy, could you go on a killing spree and then give me your soul so I can bring death on the world?" Dumbass.
Wiz: Well, that terrible planning is probably how Caleb ended up killing him in the first place. Added with the fact that he had the power of all he killed.
______________________
FEATS
-Killed Tchernobog.
-Killed demons, cultists, and other monsters.
-Led The Chosen
-Dodged Bullets
-Crushed a giant spider in one stomp
-Killed numerous monsters
______________________
Wiz: Caleb is not a hero in the slightest. He's a psychopathic murderer that will brutally murder anyone in his way, but that's likely what makes him so deadly.
Boomstick: He's killed so many of his fellow cultists, defeated several demonic monstrosities, and has taken a lot of the souls and power of all he's killed.
Wiz: However, Caleb is a Glasscanon. He can die rather quickly if unprotected and can lose his cool composure if exposed to fire.
Boomstick: But he can fix those flaws with armour, fire armour, and his personal favourite treat, Human Hearts.
Wiz: So, if you've been enslaved by a cult and you see a man with red eyes, don't try to thank him. He's only there for blood. The species or innocence doesn't matter to him.
___________________________
Caleb pressed a button, blowing up Cerberus.
Caleb: Rest in pieces.
Blood of The Doomed[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: But first, you might want to make a meal that's better than Cruel-Aid. We've got the thing for you.
[One Ad Later]
Boomstick: But right now, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
________________________
(Music: Doom 2016 - At Doom's Gate)
Orange and red skies run rampant over and abandoned small town plagued with death and despair. A singular Revenant, armless, is running for its life, screaming as loud as a demon can. Following it and walking slowly is The Slayer, ready to rip it's organs open. The Revenant runs out of stamina and tries to open a door, but it's locked. He turns around, silently begging for Doomguy to spare it.
The Doom Slayer doesn't listen and ready's his hands for carnage, but right before the beat drops, a door opens. (Music Stop) A pitchfork comes out of the door and stabs the demon straight in the head. Pushing the corpse down is a cowboy, Caleb.
Caleb: NAHAHAHA!
He pulls his pitchfork out, carrying th head with him.
Caleb: Fresh victims for the ever-
He looks over at Doomguy, seeing the disappointed marine. Caleb taunted the man.
Caleb: Awww, was he your kill? I didn't see your name on it.
Doomguy got a good look at the cowboy...
Cowboy has red eyes.
Red Eyes = Evil.
Evil = Demon.
Demon = Rip_And_Tear.exe.
(Music: Killer Instinct - Inferno)
The Slayer pulls his pistol and fires. Caleb dodges each bullet. He then jumps to gain some distance and pulls two pistols from his person, ready to kill. The two killers take their position, pointing their guns at each other.
Caleb: Another lamb for the slaughter.
FIGHT![]
The Slayer starts shooting again but Caleb dodges both bullets. He returns the favour by shooting back at him. The two go at it by continually shooting at each other. Things stop as Caleb runs out of bullets. Doomguy prepares to fill Caleb with holes, but the cowboy throws both of his guns at Slayer. While the marine is distracted, Caleb pulls out dynamite and a lighter. He lights the stick as Doomguy is sent back.
Once the smoke clears, Doomguy gets up and faces the street to see the cowboy is gone. Hiding behind a nearby dumpster, Caleb loads his shotgun, ready to blow a hole in The Slayers helmet. Doomguy readies his super shotgun and figures out where Caleb is hiding. He pulls his chain and yanks the dumpster out of the way. Caleb gets up and starts to shoot.
Caleb: Open for business!
The gunslinger shoots and reloads as fast as he can. It hits Doomguy, but he fires back. The marine then rushes in and the shotguns clash like swords, but The Slayer kicks Caleb back and fires. The cowboy dodges and aims his gun. The two ends of the guns touch each other and they fire. The combined blast sends both of them back.
Doomguy is the first to regain composure as he punches Caleb multiple times, sending him back. He delivers a fatal blow that then sends Caleb flying into an empty house. Doomguy then takes out a heavy assault rifle and fires. He keeps firing until one of his own bullets fire back at him. Caleb comes out with a small shield protecting him.
Caleb: What's wrong? Is karma catching up?
He starts firing his own assault rifle, shooting the gun out of Doomguy's hand. The Slayer then pulls another gun from his hand. A pulse rifle fires fast, but the blasts bounce off as Caleb laughs.
Caleb: AHAHAHA!
He then pulls out twin Tommy Guns.
Caleb: I've got two guns. Is that enough for you?
He fires a massive amount of rounds pushing Doomguy back, but then he notices his shield running out. Once it does, Caleb rushes over and pulls out a lighter and a spray can and fires fire at The Slayer, blinding him. He then runs into the nearest building.
(MUSIC STOP)
Doomguy regains his sight and slowly walks into where Caleb ran. He sees an old farm and tries to locate the undead. A silhouette is then seen, lurking. An invisible cowboy with a pitchfork starts approaching from behind.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it~
I know they're wrong, wait and see~
Doomguy feels something wrong and starts to look behind himself.
Someday we'll find it~
The Rainbow connection~
The Lovers~
The Dreamers~
The invisible cowboy raises his pitchfork.
AND ME!
Caleb strikes, but Doomguy pulls his chainsaw. The pitchfork and chainsaw clash as sparks form. Caleb pulls back and stabs again, but Slayer dodges back. He keeps striking, but Doomguy rushes in and saws the pitchfork. He grabs the sharp end and throws it out of the building. Doomguy readies to slice Caleb in half, but the cowboy then fires a ball of fire. The Slayer quickly dodges. The cowboy takes off the cloak and taunts as he holds a skull.
Caleb: To be or not to be? Not to be, in your case.
He continues firing. Doomguy dodges and replies with a chaingun. Caleb runs from the bullets as they rip holes through the building. Once Caleb reaches the door, he fires his flaregun. The flare hits Doomguy's armour, and he looks down, confused. The armour then starts lighting up as Doomguy burns. The cowboy runs out.
(MUSIC STOP)
The fire stops around the Slayer as he struggles to get up. He then looks over at a nearby hey stack and pulls a quick medkit, healing him. He smoothly walks outside to find Caleb with the demon he killed earlier.
Caleb: Sorry for the fire. I had to grab a quick snack.
The cowboy reaches into the dead demon's chest and rips out its heart. He then takes a quick bloody bite. The heart is split in half as Caleb sucks out the life.
Caleb: Mmmm. This is better than Cruel-Aid...I wonder...
The undead cowboy quickly pulls out a button.
Caleb: WHAT YOUR'S TASTES LIKE!
He presses as the building they were both previously in blows up. Through the smoke, Doomguy emerges.
The Slayer quickly dodges many energy balls coming his way. He then finds where the attacks are coming from. A light in the smoke. He dawns the Crucible and dashes, slicing the source of attacks in half. He then looks back to see that he didn't slash Caleb but the life leech in turret form. He then feels himself being stabbed in the back, but turns around and slashes, seeing nothing. He feels it again and slashes again, but he doesn't hit anything.
On the outskirts of town, Caleb continues to play with the voodoo doll and tortures Doomguy. He pulls back his hand, ready to deliver the final blow.
Caleb: It's been fun.
He then looks up to see Doomguy, who knows where Caleb is hiding. He pulls out his rocket launcher. Caleb looks up and smiles.
Caleb: Awww. That's cute. Go on. Do it.
Doomguy shoots a rocket at the cowboy, but Caleb quickly throws the voodoo doll. His plan is to hit the rocket with the doll and kill Slayer with his own attack. However, at blazing speeds, Slayer outruns the rocket and picks up the Voodoo Doll. The blast sends Caleb back.
(MUSIC STOP)
Caleb gets up to see Doomguy fist-bump the doll and pocket it. This makes Caleb angry and he drops his playful persona.
Caleb: That's it. No more Mr. Nice Monstrocity!
(Music: O Fortuna Meets Metal)
In his hand, Caleb dawns The Anger and Death Mask. Doomguy mimics him by picking up the Berserk Pack and Orb. With both invisibility and more powerful attacks, the two clash. Doomguy picks Caleb up and throws him across the street. He rolls and gets back up, firing dual Tesla Coils. Doomguy responses with The Unmaker. The blasts collide.
(1:41)
With faster firepower, Caleb is hit much more. Extremely injured, he crouches down. Doomguy then readies the best weapon he has: The BFG.
Caleb: I'd love to eat your heart, BUT THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF YOU!
The cowboy pulls The Singularity Generator and fires. Doomguy also fires. The vortex is spawned as the BFG beam is sucked in, but the energy stays in place. Caleb fires the death ray and Doomguy shows more Unmaker action. Once the portal is full of energy, Caleb pulls the Napalm Launcher and The Slayer dawns his sword. Slayer runs and jumps and the portal as Caleb fires.
Caleb: I'll live...AGAIN!
Doomguy: RIP AND TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Caleb fires. The vortex overloads and explodes as the screen goes white.
...
(MUSIC STOP)
...
The screen comes back as the rubble of the town is shown. Among the dust is Caleb, bloody and tired. Doomguy rises from the dust and approaches the injured cowboy. Caleb starts singing.
Which started the whole world...crying...
But I couldn't see...
The cowboy started to feel around the dust rubble and felt something. The sharp end of a pitchfork...Seeing Doomguy looming over his body, he knew what he had to do.
THAT THE JOKE WAS ON YOU!
He rose up with all the energy he had left and stabbed Doomguy in the chest...As the slayer started bleeding...He didn't flench. Caleb then felt something in his own chest.
The Doomblade impales Caleb. Doomguy swiped his hand as the front of Caleb split open. The Slayer grabbed the cut and ripped it open with his bare hands. He then finished the fight by grabbing Caleb's heart, holding it two the camera, and CRUSHING it. The cut open cowboy fell as Doomguy walks away to find more demons to slay.
KO![]
Boomstick: I don't think he'll live again from that one.
Wiz: Caleb was a monster and unlike any foe Doomguy has ever faced with his wide range of weapons, range advantage, and limitless resourcefulness. But at the end of the day, he's still an undead evil full of demonic energy.
Boomstick: There is no debate on who's stronger. Yeah, Caleb can rip chests open, but Doomguy rips open demons like butter. Please, even with armour and deflectors, Caleb's never shown the durability to do this.
Wiz: And while things like the Napalm Launcher are destructive, The Slayer's dealt with destructive enemies before. And many of his weapons like the BFG could completely obliterate Caleb before he had a chance to fire The Singularity Generator.
Boomstick: Don't get us wrong, Caleb did have weapons to keep Doomguy occupied, especially that pesky Voodoo Doll. He might have even been able to kill the marine with it...if Doom Slayer wasn't fast as fuck.
Wiz: Recall how Doomguy outruns rockets. Using pixel measurements, we can determine that the rocket is travelling 1440 meters in 5 seconds. Accounting for Doomguy's own trip and distance-
(Look, I probably made a mistake with translating this blog post, you get the point)
Wiz: -We can determine that Doomguy was running at over 1200 mph. That's much faster than any enemies Caleb's dealt with. And while he's dodged bullet fire and tesla coils, Doomguy has kept pace with much more advanced weapons.
Boomstick: While a gunfight is cool, the only thing Doomguy had to do to win was rush in and fight Caleb directly. It's pretty obvious that Chainsaw and Super Laser Sword beat the Pitchfork. Sorry Caleb, you didn't have the heart.
Wiz: The Winner is Doomguy.
Direct Comparison[]
Doomguy:
+Physically stronger.
+Faster.
+More durable.
+Caleb gets his power from demonic entities and is undead, so the Unmaker would work on him.
+Has beaten more demonic warlords than Caleb.
+Better melee weapons.
+Military training > Being a cowboy.
+The Singularity Generator is too slow to surprise Doomguy, so he could have stopped Caleb from firing or kept his distance.
+Ice grenades. Enough said.
Caleb:
+More common health source.
+Has faster (normal) guns.
+Could have one shot Doomguy with the Voodoo Doll (At the same time, Doomguy could have swiped it or killed him before he had the chance)
+Range.
Poll[]