The forces of evil are all around, but when we fight evil with evil, we become something more when we become less human.
INTRO[]
Wiz: We all face our inner demons one day other or another.
Boomstick: But when those demons are crawling out of hell or where ever they come from, sometimes you gotta get a little dirty. Or maybe really dirty to the point you have an orgasm just thinking about how many baddies they've killed.
Wiz: That's a... tad specific.
Boomstick: Like Doomguy, the slayer of Hell on Mars.
Wiz: And Masane Amaha, the beautiful user of the Witchblade.
Boomstick: Beautiful? Wiz, she's a bombshell!
Wiz: Seriously? I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
DOOMGUY SLAYS DEATH BATTLE[]
Wiz: H.G. Wells was the frontrunner of today's future, like time travel, invisibility and even space travel.
Boomstick: Space travel can have a great impact on humanity. But H.G. Wells also popularized the alien invasion with his book, War of the Worlds. And for years, we have seen plenty of alien invasions but what about one from Hell?
Wiz: This brings us to the planet Mars. Now, there is no offical backstory for the Doomguy exept for this: he was a Space Marine who disobeyed his superior and for his punishment, was sent to Mars.
Boomstick: But there's a problem. There's a portal (No, not like the game Portal.) to Hell! Yeah, not metaphorical Hell like in the movie, literally a portal to HELL!
Wiz: And so, the lone Marine armed himself and made a stand to fight the deadly forces of Hell. He became the Doom Slayer.
Boomstick: I thought he was called Doomguy.
Wiz: I mean, the demons called him the Doom Slayer, but for this we call Doomguy.
Boomstick: And he made his stand with the most badass assortment of weapons possible! Including:
A pistol that can carry up to 200 bullets,
A 5mm Chain Gun,
A pump action shotgun,
A Super Shot Gun,
The Great Communicator, a device that can talk in the universal langauge.
Wiz: Boomstick, that's a chainsaw.
Boomstick: Yeah! It talks the universal langauge of HARDCORE VIOLENCE!!! But that's not all, Doomguy also has:
A Plasma Rifle,
A Rocket Launcher,
A gun that shoots laser beams and can only harm demons,
Brass Knuckles,
A flashlight,
Fire Axe,
Fire Extingisher,
Frag Grenades,
Holograms,
Siphon Grenade,
A UAC EMG Sidearm,
The Gatling Rotator,
A Moblie Turrent,
A Combat Shotgun,
Explosive shots,
A Heavy Assault Rifle,
Micro Missiles,
A Gauss Cannon,
And last but least, The BFG. No, not the kid's book, This is the BIG FUCKING GUN.
Wiz: That's actually it's official name. This gun is the most powerful gun in the game.
Boomstick: Well, YEAH!! Doomguy also uses the Unmaker, a badass weapon, just not as badass as the BFG.
Wiz: The Unmaker is a powerful weapon made from Demon bones and is designed to destroy demonic beings. With this gun, he can use rapid firepower and even destroy the most powerful of foes.
Boomstick: But it's not as badass as the BFG.
Wiz: What about the Soul Cube?
Boomstick: What the fuck is a soul cube?
Wiz: You have to be kidding me. To make thousands of years worth of backstory shortened, the Soul Cube is an ancient Martian artifact that Doomguy can use to kill opponents with the most health while dealing out spash damage against other surrounding demons. Something to note about this weapon is that Doomguy can regain some of his health back.
Boomstick: Okay, that sounds kinda badass.
Wiz: Oh, it is very badass.
Boomstick: I want one.
Wiz: No.
Boomstick: White haired asshole.
Wiz: What?
Boomstick: Nothing.
Wiz: Let's talk about his armor. This is called the Praetor Suit and this allow him these abilities:
Environmental Resistance,
Hazard Protection,
Barrel... immunity,
Item Awareness,
Secret Sense(Which allows him to find secret areas),
The Quick Charge (His recharge time shortens.),
The Rapid Charge (This shortens the recharge time even further.),
Power Surge (After a power-up wears off, he releases a giant blast of energy that kills nearby surrounding opponents),
Healing power (Doomguy can regain full health when he gets a power-up.),
And the Power extender (When he gets a power-up, the time he uses it increases).
Dbzgts-101
Boomstick: Damn.
Wiz: Yes. Damn indeed. With superhuman strength, speed, intelligence, durability and stamina, Doomguy has done such amazing and impossible feats such as:
Slaughtering demons that are stronger than gorillas with his bare hands on a regular basis,
Ripped the horn off of a Cyberdemon and stabbed him to death as a glory kill,
Can carry large amounts of ammo and weapons without being weighed down,
Broke half-inch steel shackles while he was bare-naked with little effort,
Can outrun rockets he launched himself,
Run up to 57 miles an hour,
Can take hits from the CyberDemon who has the power of a hydralic press,
Defeated the forces of Hell five times over,
Survived electrocution,
Resilient to Hellfire and toxic waste,
Was blasted with an energy that turned everyone else into monsters and lived,
Took two fatal shots and didn't even noticed that he was hurt,
Tanked hits from the Baron of Hell
And he even killed the Icon Of Sin, a skyscraper sized demon COVERED IN HEAD TO TOE WITH ARMOR.
DOOM Eternal - Chapter 13 Final Sin- Slayer Kills Icon of Sin with Crucible Ending Cutscene (2020)
Bad-idea1203
Boomstick: Holy shit! I mean holy fucking shit!
Wiz: Of course Doomguy is only human, he can be torn into pieces by demons, doesn't use strategies at all, was once imprisoned by the forces of Hell and needs Argent Energy to power up his suit.
Boomstick: Ahh... That's my kind of hero. Fuck yeah.
Wiz: Boomstick, the BFG can literally hurt him!
Boomstick: Eh. Nothing new. Here watch!
KA-BOOM!!!
Wiz: Boomstick, you shot our cameraman.
DEATH BATTLE IS BEWITCHED BY MASANE AMAHA[]
Wiz: Boomstick, get back here!
Boomstick: Hey, I ain't here for this family drama crap! Get me when you get to the actual good stuff!
Wiz: Fine. I'm taking the cameraman damages out of your paycheck!
Boomstick: Fine.
Wiz: Thank you. In an earthquake that devastated Japan (Tokyo in particular), a woman with no memories of her past and a child she didn't remember ever having survived and ended up raising her. This woman's name was Masane Amaha.
Boomstick: About six years later, Masane and her daughter went back while hiding from the cops or whatever.
Wiz: Actually, they were being pursued by the NSWF Child Welfare division, where they work much like the CPS. Masane wasn't able to get a job and was struggling financially, making her unsuitable to raise her daughter Rihoko.
Boomstick: Then while trying to kidnap her daughter with a police car, she got locked up in jail.
Wiz: But while in prison, she was suddenly attacked by a machine that resembled a human--
Boomstick: OH FUCK YEAH! Now we're in business! Anyway, this giant machine man started trying to beat the holy fucking shit out of Masane, but the she turns into the ultimate fucking badass that makes the toughest badasses piss their pants.
Wiz: Turns out that Masane possessed a magic item known as the Witchblade, a weapon that needs a female host to turn said host into a death-worshiping, barely clothed, red headed and destruction craving woman of war.
Boomstick: And with that magic glove, Masane saved the world from machine people called Ex-Cons with the most violent weapons imaginable: knives. To be accurate, the Witchblade can enhance her fighting abilities, lengthen her hair as tentacles/grappling hook and was given retractable blades on her arms, legs, heels and even on her crotch. Well, can't say she doesn't use protection.
Bad-idea1203
Wiz: Ahem! Yes. I suppose you can say that.
Boomstick: So wait, why did she have the Witchblade?
Wiz: Well, turns out the Witchblade has a mind of its own and must find a host to stay with until the host is killed or has died naturally.
Boomstick: But in the meantime, the Witchblade gives the host an amped up sex appeal for destruction while making her very fan-service-y?
Wiz: Mmm... I wouldn't say... yes.
Boomstick: With all that power and all that badass shit that makes her the Goddamn battle goddess she is, there is nothing that doesn't proves Masane's weak. With all of her powers, she has:
Knocking down a steel door with a few punches,
Sliced Ex-Cons like Jell-O,
Has ripped through iron cuffs while she was sedated,
Survived an earthquake that sunk Tokyo,
Defeated multiple Cloneblades and won each fight against them,
Shattered metal with a single punch,
Managed to cut open a tank like she had a giant can opener,
Took tank blasts with ease,
Easily dodged gunfire,
Enjoyed being impaled
And she destroyed a giant amount of Ex-Cons with an atomizing bomb that also killed her-- WHAT THE FUCK?!
Wiz: What?
Boomstick: How the flying motherfucking hell does that kill her?!
Wiz: Well, this isn't the only thing that can harm Masane. There's also other things that weaken her, for example when she uses the Witchblade, it causes her to lose any sense of logic and reasoning making her violent and nearly uncontrollable.
Boomstick: Don't forget that it makes her really--
Wiz: Other weaknesses include:
Due to Masane having amnesia, she has little to no expertise with combat as a human being,
Even when she tries her best, the psychotic bloodlust and fetish for destruction cannot be controlled even for a second, whereas her second form allows her more control, but causes her body to break down and shortens her life span
WitchBlade - First transformation - MangaONK
Bad-idea1203
And finally, her fighting techniques can become predictable over time. But she has found a way around this by changing her fighting techniques from stabbing to punching and kicking, while using her opponent's moves against them.
Boomstick: But hey, Masane is a goddamn legend, even with all that family life blah blah blah. In fact...
Wiz: No. Please don't.
Boomstick: I guess you could say she's put a spell on me and now I'm hers.
Wiz: Just because Masane uses the Witchblade, that DOESN'T MEAN YOU MAKE A HOCUS POCUS JOKE.
Boomstick: Eh, suck it up.
PRE-BATTLE[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: ITS TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!
DEATH BATTLE[]
(Walking down the streets, Masane and Rihoko come home from a long day of shopping for clothes. Falling down on the bed, they both quickly fell asleep when the phone started ringing. Looking at who was calling, she answered while very tired.)
Masane: Hello?
Takayama: Masane Amaha, we need you to come in.
(She bounced straight up, her daughter still asleep in bed. A cold sweat came down upon her as she kept talking on the phone.)
Masane: This is her. What do you need?
Takayama: The government's military division, known as U.A.C. has a runaway Marine that has taken over a large shipment of weapons on an aircraft carrier. We need you to take him down as soon as possible, or he will kill thousands upon millions of people.
Masane: I'll be there in a minute.
(After hanging up the phone, she goes into Kiriko's room and pulls out a letter, hiding it under her pillow. Then she kisses her daughter on the head and whispers in her ear.)
Masane: I love you, Kiriko.
(Two hours later, Masane jumps out of a helicopter onto an aircraft carrier piloted by only one person. Doomguy walks out after exterminating all the demons and hellspawn on the ship and sees Masane, reloading his shotgun in the process. Masane lands on both feet and sees Doomguy walking towards her, but then the pain begins. She keels over in pain but then she bolts right up as her eyes turn clear. Doomguy watches as her clothes disappears and the Witchblade creates her armor while Masane's hair extends while turning red. She opens her eyes to reveal that they've turn black and the iris turned yellow. She laughs while moaning sexually.)
Masane: Rip... and... TEAR!!
(Doomguy nods in agreement.)
FIGHT!!!
(Pointing the shotgun at Masane, he fires and sees that she jumped out of the way. Firing at her again, Doomguy runs away from Masane's deadly hair tentacles. Pulling out his axe, Doomguy both fires at Masane while trying to slice away at her hair. She pulls herself toward Doomguy and slices the axe and shotgun in half, leaving Doomguy without any weapons. He pulls out brass knuckles and his pistol, ready to tear into her again. He punches Masane, punching her into a nearby fighter jet, causing it to explode. She walks out of said explosion, running towards Doomguy, dodging his gunfire. She also slices his pistol in half only for Doomguy to punch her in the head, causing her to be sent flying away about thirty feet away. Picking up a rocket launcher, Doomguy fires it a Masane with intent to destroy her. Moaning in such sexual desire for destruction, she bends over backwards and watches the missile pass over her as her tongue touches the side of said missile. When the missile blows up somewhere else, she sits back up and licks her lips.)
Masane: Mmm... Mooore....
(Doomguy charges at Masane, hitting her an uppercut. Blasting her into the air, Doomguy pulled out a plasma rifle. She then blasted at Masane, who used her hair to dodge the blasts of the plasma rifle. She then kicks him in the chest, stabbing him in the arm with the knife on the heel of her foot. Pulling out a knife blade, she goes to cut Doomguy's head off only for the marine to pull out a fire extinguisher and block the attack. The blade pierced the extinguisher, causing all the extinguishing solution to explode out, creating a field of smoke. Doomguy throws Masane off, hides in the smoke and activated his heat seeking system in his helmet. Masane laid down on the ground, moaning sexually and unaware of the Marine's threatening presence.
Masane: Ohh... Mmmmm... Ahhh..!
He pointed the plasma rifle at her head and watched as she licked the barrel of the gun. He kicks her in the face and fired at Masane with the plasma rifle. A couple of blasts manage to hit Masane, once in the shoulder and once in the shin. The other blasts are dodged by her while she uses one of the strands of hair to cut the plasma rifle in half. Doomguy runs into the aircraft carrier but then comes back out with the Unmaker in one hand, the Gauss Cannon with the BFG attached to his back. Masane cries out in sexual pleasure when her eyes saw the BFG. Loading both guns, he fired at Masane using his Gauss Cannon. The hair strands climbed over the aircraft carrier and was about to send Masane crashing into Doomguy. But then the aircraft carrier crashed into the dockside and wrecked millions of dollars worth of property. Doomguy picked himself up and dusted off the Unmaker with the BFG on his back. Looking around, he sees the Soul Cube in the distance, but then he looks up and sees Masane's hair tentacles about to cut him into pieces. He pulled out the Unmaker and fired at the tentacles, blasting them into very short strands of brown hair. Walking through the rubble, Doomguy turned his head and kept looking for where Masane was hiding. Masane jumped down and attacked Doomguy, driving her heels into his sides, about to decapitate Doomguy. But he grabbed her arms and stared at her yellow iris eyes. Masane then licks her lips then Doomguy headbutted her, throwing Masane against some debris. Picking up the Unmaker, he goes to blow her head off, she suddenly gets pulled away by her hair tentacles then they grab Doomguy's one arm and obliterate the Unmaker in his arm. Grabbing the BFG, Doomguy charges the gun and uses a piece of the Unmaker to stab the hair to get it off of him. Jumping back to the ground, he points the Big, FUCKING GUN at Masane, who created blades on both of her hands and she changed into her second form. With some semblance of control, she charges at Doomguy, about to atomize the both of them. With time not on Doomguy's side, he pointed the BFG at Masane and fired, creating a gigantic green explosion that eliminated everything in sight including nearby civilians. Masane's corpse lies on the ground and Doomguy points the gun at the remains of her head and blows away what's left. Turning away, he walked away and recharged the BFG, not noticing that the Witchblade itself disappeared. Back at the apartment, Kiriko feels a sharp pain in her wrist as she finds her mother's letter with the words, "I love you, no matter what" written on it. She then finds people being eaten by demons only to be saved by Doomguy, who carries her away from the Demon infestation.)
K.O.!!!
POST-BATTLE[]
Boomstick: Doomguy vs. Masane? That's one thing, but Doomguy adopting Masane's daughter who now has the Witchblade?! Well, I'll be goddamn Karl Urban stand-in! Someone make this canon!
Wiz: Counting the blast at the end of the series, Masane didn't have any firepower that could take out anything Doomguy had to offer. While both were very strong, Doomguy was just stronger overall.
Soupywolf5
Boomstick: Sure Masane could take out other cloneblades and destroy Ex-Cons easily, but Doomguy DEFEATED THE FORCES OF HELL FIVE TIMES.
Wiz: Doomguy was also more resourceful and had a far more powerful arsenal of weapons that had far more powerful than Masane OR the Witchblade could dish out. Hell, Doomguy killed demons that were more powerful than literal gorillas!
Boomstick: So yeah, Doomguy was stronger, more prepared, more invincible and did more badass shit.
Wiz: Sadly, there was nothing that Masane could do to end her opponent.
Boomstick: Guess you could say that Masane Amaha met her DOOM.
