Description[]
Red VS Blue vs. Fate. The colour pink and an effeminate attitude are not to be underestimated, even on a battlefield.
Introduction[]
Wiz: Franklin Delano Donut, the grenade and innuendo tossing Red teammate.
Boomstick: Rider Astolfo, the prettiest Servant in the Greater Grail War. As a follower of the ways of war, one usually needs to carry themselves with a certain level of professionalism.
Wiz: But even those with less...for lack of a more flattering term masculinity, are not to be underestimated.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Donut[]
Wiz: The simulated battlefield of Blood Gulch was, quote-on-quote, fought over by two opposing teams, aptly named the Reds and the Blues.
Boomstick: I mean, green is actually the colour most opposite to red, but it still works. Although the colorations for each individual person are a bit wonky. Like the armour of one Franklin Delano Donut.
Wiz: Whilst he insists his armour is light-red, one would be forgiven for thinking it was another certain colour...
Boomstick: It's Pink! Just look at it! It's pink! I'm sorry Donut, but I'm not too colour blind to recognize that colour pattern.
- Background
- Full Name: Franklin Delano Donut
- Height: Est. 5'6
- AKA Double-O Donut
- Armour Colour: Pink/Very Light Red
- Infamous for his accidental innuendos
- Speaks Spanish
Wiz: Well, it wasn't exactly his choice to wear that particular colour. I'm pretty sure it was the only replacement armour he could get after being injured by a plasma grenade and being sent back to Blood Gulch. It was around this time when a certain other trait came to the surface of Donut's character. Every time he opens his mouth, he says something in exactly the wrong way.
Boomstick: He's promised to beat a guy off...of Sarge. He can't handle all his friends pilling into him at once...with their insults and criticisms. And he has a lot of things crammed inside of him...which he needs psycho-analysed.
Wiz: And he's also an expert tosser...of grenades.
Boomstick: Oh yeah. He's probably the only person whom Washington cannot say has the worst throws. Ever. Of all time.
Wiz: Donut's greatest strength on the battlefield lies in his amazing throwing arm. With it, he was able to throw a grenade across a 15 hundred foot long canyon and is always able to make sure the explosives he throws end up on a target's head.
- Arsenal
- Battle Rifle
- Magnum
- Plasma Grenade
- Frag Grenade
- Mark VI Armour
- Domed Shield
- The Hammer
- Time-Portal Gun
Boomstick: Where it will hurt the most. Especially since Plasma Grenades will actually stick to an opponent like a spider before exploding. But Donut is just as proficient with throwing your standard Frag Grenades as well.
Wiz: Like his teammates, Donut also carries around several firearms. The magnum is a standard issue pistol and the Battle Rifle is used for extended bursts of fire. And of course, there's the utility of his Mark VI Armour, which supplies a wearer with oxygen even in the depths of space. But Donut's own adventures earned him a few pieces of unique kit.
Boomstick: Long story short, he ended up getting blasted through time by the Blues and Reds' machine, where he get Chrovos, who played to his feelings to annoyance towards his teammates for constantly putting him down, employing him in order to free him. And for signing up the living mass of cogs' plan, he earned himself a Domed Shield. You know, like the kind some Freelancers used. Only it comes in his signature of colour of light red-I mean pink. He even got a gun that enabled him to open portals through space and time. Essentially, time travelling with a gun!
Wiz: And partway through realizing that Chrovos was nothing but bad news, Donut procured himself the Hammer, a construct by the Cosmic Powers that is capable of reinforcing his prison.
Boomstick: Plus, it's a Hammer made by some AI gods, so it certainly packs a wallop. And I'll prove it. DUMMI!
DUMMI: Yes?
(SMASH)
Boomstick: See? Nothing but scraps remain. And soon they too will be ashes because of this plasma grenade! Ha! ...where is it?
Wiz: They're sticky, remember?
Boomstick: Oh sh-
(BOOM)
Boomstick: ...ow. My pinkie.
- Feats
- Threw a grenade over Blood Gulch
- Tricked Genkins and sustained a time-loop
- Helped fix the Singularity
- Survived bleeding out for days on end
- Survived a 50 megaton blast
- Dodged a point-blank shot from a handgun
- Defeated Lopez 2.0, Cyclops, Doc
Wiz: Well Boomstick, I can say that in all honesty, Donut may be just as tough as you are. After all, he survived being shot by Agent Washington, before his redemption arc, and being left to bleed out for days, and was perfectly fine.
Boomstick: He even got shot dozens of times over due to time travel shenanigans, experiencing the same pain over and over again, and barely even complained. What a trooper! Oh, and don't forget, he and the rest of the Red Team survived a 50 megaton bomb going off in their faces.
Wiz: The counselor for the Freelancers, a man who knows his stuff, outright stated that the Reds and Blues are remarkably resilient. And he's the one who understands the strengths and weaknesses of the super soldier Freelancers. And it's entirely possible that Donut has even greater defensive capabilities thanks to that forcefield of his.
Boomstick: He used it to block a volley from one of the Divine Power AIs and those things are pretty powerful.
Wiz: Their leader, Atlus Arcadium Rex, was able to shatter half the moon with a single energy shot.
Boomstick: Not only helping to establish Rooster Teeth's connected universe in my opinion but also opening the possibility of Donut's shield being able to stand up to attacks of that same magnitude. After all, he likely got it from Chrovos, a superior AI god and naturally he'd want his former agent defended best he could against his offspring.
Wiz: And in a bout of irony, Donut proved instrumental in stopping Chrovos' plan to fracture the timeline and free himself. He even figured out how to trap Chrovos' traitorous grandson Genkins by ensuring that the latter would become the former, trapped not only in a time loop, but also Chrovos' own prison.
Boomstick: So in other words, it's two guys trapped in one room. Guess they got a taste of Donut's treatment.
Wiz: Snnrk!
Boomstick: Oh god, he's got me doing it now.
Astolfo[]
Wiz: With the unique rules set by the Greater Grail War, two opposing sides had the opportunity to summon seven Servants of each usual type and the Rider class was no exception.
Boomstick: The role of Master of Rider of Black, that's a lot of ofs, fell to hot witch Celenike Icecolle Yggdmillennia. And once the mist of the summoning ritual fell away, Rider of Black, Twelfth Paladin of Charlemagne, Astolfo, stood there in all her beauty. With pink braided hair, stockings and a pretty mischievous-
Wiz: Astolfo's a man Boomstick.
Boomstick:...must...resist...making...trap...joke...must...be...progressive!
- Background
- Rider of Black
- Height: 5'4
- Masters: Celenike, Sieg
- In legend, a paladin of Charlemagna
- His ditziness is an actual power to himself
Wiz: Oh calm down Boomstick. Although in all honesty, Astolfo does deliberately dress that way, and actually wants his actual gender kept a secret. Unfortunately for him however that just happened to make him his master's type.
Boomstick: Celenike is a bit of a young, hot Doris Umbridge; someone who delights in harming others with curses and other hexes. So you can imagine what could happen if you get her romantically interested in you.
Wiz: Fortunately for Astolfo, he was still a Servant, and so someone fully capable of reducing Celenike to mush should she try to go too far. Which is why she intended to hold onto a Commander Seal so she could fully bend him to her sadistic will. Fortunately, the good-hearted efforts of Astolfo set the stage for a much kinder Master to fight alongside him in the Greater Grail War; the homunculus Sieg.
Boomstick: Whilst Celenike got what she deserved with a headless body. But regardless of who was his Master or not, Astolfo still had all his tools...and his weaknesses.
Wiz: Well, his air-headed nature is certainly a bit detrimental to his allies. In fact, it's been said that if he was ever captured for interrogation, he would blindly spew out every fact he knew. But at the same time, it can also work to his advantage, as it will essentially work as a sixth sense to see him through perilous situations.
Boomstick: And honestly, his enemies should be happy that half the time he can't remember his own Noble Phantasms. Whilst it does make him a wild card to begin with, he has a whopping four Noble Phantasms! All thanks to his adventures in his original life.
- Arsenal
- Sword
- Noble Phantasms
- La Black Luna
- Casseur de Logistille
- AKA Luna Break Manual
- Trap of Argalia
- Hippogriff
Wiz: Firstly, there's the mount that constituted Astolfo's rider class; Hippogriff. What sets it apart from other steeds, aside from its obvious chimeric nature, is the fact that, due to its impossible existence, it can essentially shift between the real and Reverse Side of the World in short bursts, enabling it and Astolfo to phase through solid attacks. Not to mention, as an B-Rank Noble Phantasm, it can also hit with a great deal of force.
Boomstick: And like me, he's one to forget the title of important books, like his Casseur de Logistille, which is capable of nullifying any sort of magic barring Reality Marbles, which are essentially pocket dimensions. And there's also the Trap...the Trap of Argalia. Oh, are they even trying...?
Wiz: This term refers to the legendary lance that Astolfo wields, which possesses quiet the unique ability. You see, it strikes the spiritual legs of an individual, essentially leaving them crippled. And perfectly wide open for him to bring his sword down on their skulls. But by far his best means of offence is the La Black Luna.
Boomstick: You know Shovel Knight's horn, the one that can one-shot anyone? Well, Astolfo's is pretty much the same thing. In fact, it's outright stated that anyone killed by it with be blasted into dust. And whilst not fully fatal to other Servants, it is capable of leaving them deaf, so yeah, not a great position to be in.
Wiz: Guess that's why you wear earmuffs at the shooting gallery.
Boomstick:...What? Just kidding, of course I do. Gun safety comes first.
Wiz: And yet you have one for a leg. In spite of being considered a second-rate Servant, Astolfo has still seen himself through thick and thin, especially thanks due to his Monstrous Strength, which prevents him from being instantly pulverised by superior Servants like Mordred.
- Feats
- Survived a bombardment from Quetzalcoatl
- Assaulted the Hanging Gardens of Babylon
- Held his own against Mordred
- Fought against a Command Seal order
- Described as moving at lightning speeds
- Headbutted a boulder apart
- Helped defeat Berserker of Red, Adam, Karna
Boomstick: He's even survived being bombarded by an attack from a Santa Aztect Goddess. No, I did not make that up, and I'm not making up the fact her most powerful attack is comparable to the impact that killed the dinosaurs!
Wiz: Astolfo's been described as moving at lightning speeds, which is pretty consistent with other Servant speed feats. And he's been pretty significant in the defeat of several powerful foes.
Boomstick: With his lance of de-legging, he's helped take down the Berserker of Red and the ultimate golem Adam, with his magic-nullifying book and Griffon he's singlehandedly assaulted the fortress of the Assassin of Red, and it was ultimately his timely arrival that enabled his allies to defeat Karna, the Lancer of Red and single most powerful Servant of the Greater Grail War.
Wiz: And when the dust of the war cleared, Astolfo was the only Servant left alive. This is all due to the fact that Sieg, the one he joined forces with and worked to save the life of, took the Grail to the other side of the world, keeping it's damning wish from activating and thus the mana it supplied Astolfo to remain unbroken. With his new life, Astolfo resolved to continue his original ones work, helping others wherever he went.
Boomstick: I suppose being his usual air-headed self worked out alright in the end. Not bad for a second-rate Servant.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
The Battle[]
Setting: Blood Gulch
Donut sat on the base's ledge, painting the nails of his armour with nail polish.
Donut: Next time I order some of this stuff, I'll come right out...and tell the others that it's to cover up the patches of missing paint.
A shadow suddenly fell over him and before he knew it, Astolfo flew down on his Griffon and snatched up the flag from the middle of the base.
Astolfo: Awesome, new flag!
Donut: Hey!
The Red Team member shot to his foot and jogged off the side of the base onto natural ground as he ran after the Griffon and its master.
Donut: You best give that back!
Astolfo: Well, you're all the way down there, so I'm pretty sure you can't-
He was interrupted by a grunt and when he turned around, there was a grenade in front of his face.
FIGHT!
The explosion sent Griffon and Astolfo flying in separate trajectories as Donut cheered.
Donut: How's that for a blast to the face!
Astolfo crashed into the ground, leaving a him-shaped crater but jumped back to his feet immediately afterwards.
Astolfo: Okay then, if that's how you want to play!
He drew his sword and charged towards Donut, who realized he was going to cover the sizeable distance between them in no time. He pulled out his battle rifle and fired at the approaching Servant, who swung his sword rapidly to deflect each bullet back-to-back. Soon he had reached Donut and stabbed out with his sword. The attack was avoided when he leaned to the side, before ducking beneath the slash aimed at his neck and finally jumping backwards from his downwards slash. Yet before he could counterattack with his rifle, Donut found it sliced in half when Astolfo immediately bounded forwards and cut it in half. He reacted fast enough to draw out his pistol and shot with that at Astolfo, who blocked the volley by angling his sword in front of his face with both hands. He "Ah-ha"'d and delivered a spinning kick into Donut's midriff, causing him to double over. The Sim Trooper reared back up with a punch into Astolfo's chin however, sending him stumbling backwards. He then aimed the gun at Astolfo's stomach but the Servant took to running around him, keeping ahead of his shots.
In the midst of this strategy, Astolfo summoned to hand his Trap of Argalia spear. He came to a suddenly stop in front of Donut, ducking beneath the next bullet, and stabbing out with the lance, directly into one of Donut's legs.
Astolfo: Take this!
Donut looked down at the spear, which had actually poked him rather gently in the thigh. Astolfo also frowned as the leg-spirit-removable ability of the spear failed to take effect, so he kept poking with it.
Donut: Hey, I'm tired to getting poked down below!
He produced a Plasma Grenade and stuck it onto the Trap, Astolfo pulling it back to observe.
Astolfo: Huh...no thanks!
He plucked the grenade off and threw it away. At least, he tried to, since it was now stuck to his palm. Realizing this, he looked down and he winced.
Astolfo: Ugh, why did I do that?
The explosion blew him onto his back and Donut was instantly on top of him, raining down strikes onto his face.
Donut: Take this, and this, and another of them, and also one of these, and don't forget-!
The unphased Astolfo lifted a hand and flicked Donut in his visor, sending him flying into the air with a wail. Astolfo shot back to his feet and whistled.
Astolfo: Griffon, sic' him!
The creature soared through the air towards the flailing flying Donut, beak open and claws at the ready. But above it a portal opened and out leaned another Donut, who swung the Hammer down onto the cranium of the creature and causing it to smash onto the ground.
Future Donut: Hey me, catch!
He tossed the Hammer to past Donut before going back through the portal and Donut turned himself in the air to catch the weapon and both land on his feet.
Donut: With the Hammer of the Gods, I smite thee!
With that, he swung the Hammer as Griffon fell into his range, sending to flying away. Astolfo rolled out of the way of the involuntary flight of his steed before fixing the Hammer with an assessing glimpse.
Astolfo: Hammer of the Gods aye? I have just the thing for it!
He summoned his magic cancelling book and opened it to activate its effect as Donut charged at him with the Hammer. His smirk vanished however when the Hammer bypassed the radius regardless and struck him square in the face. He stumbled backwards-
Astolfo: Huh...maybe the wrong kind of God I thought of.
-before Donut smacked him into the air with the Hammer. As he went. Griffon recovered from its crash landed and launched into the sky to scoop him up. Astolfo settled into the saddle before locking his gaze onto Donut.
Astolfo: Dive Griffon!
His steed shot towards the Sim Trooper and before he could react, it bit its beak down onto the Hammer's handle and grabbed him by the torso to drag him into the air with it. Donut immediately struggled to escape, even pulling out his pistol and attempting to shot Astolfo where he was mounted. Astolfo darted his head about to avoid the bullets before lashing out with his sword, which knocked the pistol out of his hand. With a grunt, Donut brought his legs up to plant his feet on the Griffin's body; a exertion of strength enabled him to pull himself and the Hammer out of Griffon's grip and he went falling down. Astolfo winced as he watched.
Astolfo: Oh, he is going to make quite a mess.
Before the hitting the ground, Donut shot a Space-Time Portal from his special gun below him, grabbed the Hammer and went through. Astolfo kept his eyes glued to where Donut had gone.
Astolfo: Huh, weird...
Unbeknownst to him, up above another portal opened and Donut fell down from it, the Hammer at the ready. But fortunately for the Servant, his absent-minded-based sixth sense kicked in and he found himself guiding Griffon to the side, Donut lamely missing him with his swing.
Donut: Oh...
And this time around, he actually did hit the ground thanks to his fall. He groaned as he rolled onto his back, still limply holding the Hammer, and watched as the Griffon dove towards him with a war-crying Astolfo clinging to his back. Finding him strength, Donut got back to his feet and just before Griffin directly collided with him, he slammed his fist into the ground and summoned his forcefield. The phantasmal beast collided with the barrier and remained faceplanted against it for a moment.
But the next moment, Griffon shimmered and phased through the forcefield. Donut let out a shriek of shock and jumped backwards as the beast impacted the ground, spreading a massive crater. And in spite of this attack missing, Astolfo still had another; his La Black Luna, the horn unfurling to its full size. A single long puff into its opening unleashed its devastating bellow. The sound washed over Donut and immobilized him with the sheer power.
Donut: DAH! This the hardest I've ever been bloooowwwn!
And with the soundwaves reaching lethal levels, Donut's body was blown to dust, his empty armour flying in all different directions. Astolfo kept blowing the horn, however, until all the air was gone from his lungs and he thus collapsed onto his front, panting. With a deep inhale of breath, he clonked his face against the ground, with Griffon nuzzling him in concern.
KO!
Outcome[]
Boomstick: This time around, when the Red Team finds his empty armour, Donut actually will be dead. At least he went down with his puns swinging.
Wiz: There were a couple of factors that made this battle a bit of a unique mixture. For example, Astolfo's spirit-leg-removing lance and magic-cancelling book where specific to affecting others and powers that Donut just doesn't line up with. But at the same time, Donut kind of had the same problem.
Boomstick: Whilst he did have the Hammer as a possible weapon, a weapon made by moon-busting gods, it's exact purpose was just to reinforce a prison.
Wiz: And even then, it doesn't seem capable of delivering godly levels of power. Donut and Doc have taken hits from the weapon from each other without injury, and whilst the Sim Troopers of Blood Gulch are renown for their durability, they're clearly not at moon level. Speaking of which however, Donut's shield likely gave him the edge in defense over Astolfo, as it took a volley from a Cosmic Power. But his own durability wasn't going to save him unfortunately.
Boomstick: His durability caps out at 50 megatons but servants like Astolfo, even second-rate ones, are stated to be a 1/3 as powerful as a mountain-busting feat from a Noble Phantasm. At 26 gigatons, Astolfo could make a hole in Donut 520 times over. So if he could hit Donut before Donut got his shield up, he's turn him into mincemeat. And he certainly could, thanks to the visual novel describing him as moving at lightning speeds, whilst Donut only ever avoided gunfire. A clear speed difference if there ever was.
Wiz: And to be honest, he didn't even need to outpace Donut in the long run. After all, Griffon's ability to phase between different sides of the world would let him slip through the shield and get right at him.
Popup: Even if Griffon was the only one able to phase through, it's rank would enable it to deal critical damage to Donut regardless.
Boomstick: Even with other factors working for Donut, like his time travel and Astolfo's dizziness, since he couldn't actually hurt Astolfo, he wouldn't have been able to capitalize on them. After all, he survived an attack that was said to be comparable to the impact that killed the dinosaurs. And again, servants can strike with 26 gigatons of TNT and the same can be said for those whose attacks he parries, like Mordred.
Wiz: And to reiterate, Astolfo's dizziness also worked as a sixth sense maker. Another handy advantage and even if he blabbed out his abilities and strategies, again, Donut just didn't have the means to capitalize or outlast them.
Boomstick: So Donut just had too much going against him, chief among them Astolfo's strength, speed and arsenal. Franklin had Delano chance. There, no Donutted innuendo.
Wiz: Pfffft!
Boomstick: Oh, damnit!
Wiz: The winner is Astolfo.
Next Time[]
With a flash of red
They will take more than your hand
Trivia[]
- Connections: Both are individuals characterized by the colour pink and their effeminate attitudes. Both were also employed in small-scale wars and have been mistaken for women by certain people.
- Animation Style: 2D.
- OST Idea: 'Red vs. Black', referring to Donut's and Astolfo's factions in the manner of Donut's home series.