Description[]
Dio Brando VS Akuma is a What-If? Death Battle written by VaporwaveS'mOREO. It is the second episode of the first season of S'mOREO's battles, proceeded by Kirby VS Patrick and proceeding Thanos (MCU) VS Master Hand in a battle between two warriors originating from Japanese media, known for their brutal fighting styles, who are rivaled in their universes by a dark-haired, strong protagonist (Jotaro and Ryu) whose mentor figures were seemingly murdered by these two (Joseph and Gouken) though neither were truly dead. This is sure to be a bloodbath!
Pre-Episode[]
The camera pans down to a late night at Oreo's house, before we enter a dimly lit room, with over-the-top dramatic lighting. Oreo is sitting one one side of a table, the shadows from his hair shrouding his eyes...
Oreo: Alright, so, what are we doing for episode 2? MCU Thanos VS Master Hand did really well, so we should follow it up with another hard hitting matchup. Any thoughts?
Cherry: ... I have no f***ing clue.
Oreo: Hmmmmm, you want to go play some fighting games or something to get inspiration?
Cherry: This is just a ploy to procrastinate, isn't it?
Oreo: ...yesn't.
Cherry: Cool I'm in.
The lights quickly turn on in a cartoonish fashion, revealing that they were just dramatically sitting at Oreo's dinner table. The camera pans to the living room, where we see several geeky posters in the living room for series such as Scott Pilgrim VS The World, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, Mega Man, Homestuck, Undertale, and several others. Oreo and Cherry make their way to the couch, before Oreo turns on Ultra Street Fighter IV.
We cut to Chip's house, where he is currently eating popcorn and sitting on his couch, watching the end of Part 3 of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. He is gazing in awe at the screen, clenching his fists with anticipation as Jotaro is crushed underneath the Road Roller, only for Jotaro to make the massive reveal that he too could stop time. After a compilation of the following events leading up to Dio's defeat, and Chip's reactions to these moments that I can't be bothered to write about, Chip rushes straight through his door, across the street to Oreo's house, where he runs straight through his door.
Chip: GUYS WE NEED TO USE A JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE CHARACTER IN DEATH BATTLE!
Oreo: Ok, I wouldn't be opposed to tha-
Chip: I SWEAR THIS SERIES IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND WE NEED TO USE IT
Oreo: I know, I was the one who told you ab-
Chip: NOW THERE ARE SEVERAL CHARACTERS WE COULD USE, BUT DIO WOULD BE SUPER FUN TO WRITE, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIM AS A VILLAIN
Oreo: Damn it he's too into a series again, Cherry get the- CHERRY, WHAT THE HELL?
The camera turns around to reveal Cherry hitting the Aura Soul Spark as Rose on the inactive Oreo, who was playing as Seth, getting her a cheat victory.
Cherry: You two were talking, and I was getting bored. Gamer girl's gotta game.
Oreo: Damn, I'd be steamed if not for how proud I am right no-
Chip: SO WE SHOULD USE DIO GUYS!
Oreo: Ok, I agree that Dio would be fun, but what other MU's are there for him that haven't been done yet by someone else? I mean, it's not like there are any other characters with brutal fighting styles and mannerisms, of which whom are known for their encounters ending in death, who are only rivaled by a strong, dark haired protagonist who had their mentor figures killed by them. Hell, this is so ridiculous already that you may as well suggest that said opponent is also from Japanese media, meaning they've likely been exposed to a similar audience. At this point, you may as well say that said candidate, in spite of their connections, is not present on Dio's possible opponents section, or vice versa.
Oreo looks back at the TV screen, where the character currently toggled over on the character select screen just happens to be Akuma.
Oreo: OH WAIT-
Intro[]
Oreo: Villains.
Cherry: The characters meant to play as a looming threat for our heroes as they go through their journey, and build suspense and tension between themselves and every other character who dares to stand in their way.
Chip: The villains we're looking at today, however, are another type of villain entirely. Ones that live off of taking lives from others, that torment our heroes. Ones that will go out of their way, simply to kill, and create chaos.
Oreo: Such as Akuma, the wandering warrior of the Satsui no Hado.
Cherry: And Dio Brando, the Time-Stopping ruler of-
Chip: ZA WARUDO!!!!!
Cherry: Don't interrupt me.
Chip: Ok, you HAVE to admit that one was well placed.
Cherry: *sigh* I guess so.
Oreo: He's Chip, she's Cherry, and I'm Oreo.
Cherry: And it's our job to find out who would win, a DEATH BATTLE!
Dio Brando takes ZA WARUDO in DEATH BATTLE![]
Oreo: The vampire, one of the most iconic breeds of monster in history.
Cherry: Commonly associated with "vanting to suck your-
Chip: *distantly* DICK!
Cherry: blood," wait, what was that Chip?
Chip: Nothing, nothing at all.
Cherry: ... the vampire has garnered a history of different adaptations, and garnered a reputation as one of the most iconic monsters in the history of fiction.
Chip: But what if we took that very same concept and mixed it with mind games, a pinch of snobbery, girl stealing, buff men, and summoning spiritual beings?
Cherry: Oh I get why you like JoJo's now.
Chip: Why?
Cherry: That fourth part, buff men!
Chip: I hate you.
Cherry: The feelings mutual.
Oreo: Anyway, enter Dio Brando, a man whose history has been... quite bizarre to say the least.
Cherry: At a young age, Dio was dealt the cruel hand of his father, Dario Brando, dying. He was shortly after adopted by George Joestar, which you would think would be the saving grace for his childhood, given that he was generously adopted into a wealthy family, and could now live happily in a solid support system.
Chip: Instead, Dio was taking a page from his dead old man's book. Remember how Dio was adopted after his father died, ok good. Now, the reason why George adopted him was because he thought that his father, Dario, had rescued both himself, and his son, from a stagecoach accident that had killed his wife.
Oreo: What actually happened, was that Dario had thought them to be dead, so he attempted to rob their corpses blind. These arrogant and callous traits fell to Dio as well, who, in spite of their generosity in adopting him, were going to be the victims of Dio's plans.
Cherry: He intended to exploit the fortune of the Joestar family by attempting to take the place of Jonathan, George's son, in the family, by breaking him mentally, via relentless bullying and earning the trust of George.
Chip: So, he has his goals, but how does he begin? What's part one of phase one? Glad you asked, as for his first act, he VIOLENTLY KNEED JONATHAN'S DOG, DANNY, AND LIED ABOUT IT STARTLING HIM!
Cherry: Maybe he's evil, and I haven't watched the show, but he wouldn't knee a puppy, would he?
Chip: Yeah, in the jaw, why?
Oreo: Morals aside, of which Dio has none, Dio would go on to further isolate Jonathan, by first betting their monthly allowance on an impromptu boxing match between the two, where Dio would soundly win, as well as denouncing Jonathan as a snitch to the impressed audience.
Cherry: None of these, however, would beat out Dio's worst crime. Noticing that Jonathan was taking solace in his relationship with Erina Pendleton, a girl who Jonathan had saved from bullies. When Dio learns of this, he forcefully kisses Erina, stealing her first kiss, which she thought was going to be with Jonathan-
Dio Brando: KONO DIO DA! (It was me, Dio!)
Cherry: Yes, we're aware. As well as hopefully (at least, for him) ruining her relationship with Jonathan. When he sees her washing her lips in a puddle, however, he does the unthinkable and slaps Erina upon losing his temper. Damn girl, that must be tough.
Chip: He also realized just how close Jonathan was to Danny, learning about how they became so close from George. Keep this in mind, it'll be important later.
Oreo: Jonathan discovered via teasing what Dio had done to Erina, and pursued Dio. While Dio initially overpowered him, Jonathan, say it with me!
generic audience: "used the power of friendship!"
Oreo: Not quite the same, I know, but close enough in my book to count. His motivation to avenge Erina, as well as his refusal to live in Dio's shadow, gave him the constitution and the willpower to turn the tables on him, and with a flurry of punches, one final punch caused Dio's blood to splatter onto a stone mask, causing it to grow spikes and extend from the wall, with Dio noting it as only a torture device. Keep that mask in mind too, that'll also come back later.
Cherry: Dio, now crying like a snobby prick because of his humiliation, and for getting a well deserved beat-in-the-ass, Dio pulls a concealed knife, before George interrupts the battle, noticing that Jonathan had beaten Dio while Dio was supposedly "defenseless". He sent both to their rooms, promising to punish them later.
Chip: Fast forward a couple of days, and one of the mansions butlers notices a suspicious wooden box in the incinerator. The butler proceeds to burn the trash, thinking nothing of it, only for Danny to jump out, revealing that Dio had trapped him in the box as Danny jumps out, covered in flames, and dying. Told you that would come back!
Oreo: As Jonathan is unable to approach Erina, cursing Dio for separating the two. Returning to the mansion, he learns of Danny's demise, quickly determining that it was Dio's retaliation. As Jonathan mourns the loss of his final remaining friend, Dio reflects on the entire ordeal, realizing that he had underestimated Jonathan's spirit. He vows to not make this mistake twice, opting to bide his time, for seven years.
Cherry: After a while, Dio discovers that that Stone Mask the blood had splattered on, actually had supernatural properties that he could exploit. You see, the mask is activated via blood stains of somebody else. The Stone Mask then sprouts spikes, or, rather "tentacles" ,that bring out unknown power as well as eliminating the bodies natural limitations. A.K.A. typical anime bullsh** about pushing past your limits. So, Dio technically isn't a vampire, he's just got a lot of the same benefits.
Chip: Like being stronger, faster, being able to kind of fly, and all around physically superior to a normal person, LIKE ME!
Oreo: He can also hear heartbeats through the ground, as well as having hypnotic capabilities simply by glancing at you.
Cherry: He can vaporize the moisture in his own body to freeze whatever he touches, and to add to the hypnosis, he can make mind-controlling flesh buds from the follicles of his hair. He's also able to fire beams of pressurized fluids-
Chip: It's called c-
Oreo and Cherry: Pressurized fluids.
Chip: I swear, you guys are no fun. Anyway, one of Dio's most infamous and insane attributes, however, is Dio's regeneration capabilities, having been burnt alive, impaled, lost limbs, shot wildly, decapitated, and had a hole punched in his chest, 3 times! Yet, the bastard lives on.
Oreo: All Dio needs to speed up the process, fitting of a pseudo-vampire, is blood. Though, the fangs are pretty much cosmetic, as he sucks
Chip: succ.
Oreo: blood in with his fingers. What was that, Chip?
Chip: Nothing.
Oreo: If I go back to this and find out you said something th-
Chip: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Cherry: Using these powers, Dio raised an army of the undead to conquer the world, and in the process cause a mother to commit filicide and cannibalism in the same night, just because yes.
Chip: Fortunately, old JoJo foiled his plot once more, by harnessing the power of the sun via the martial art known as Hamon. A.K.A; even more anime bullsh**.
Oreo: Jonathan was able to defeat Dio, because his new, vampire esque body, similar to that of your average Genshin Impact player, is incapable of enduring direct sunlight without disintegrating.
Cherry: So, Jonathan knows a martial art that utilizes the power of the sun, A.K.A, convenient martial art made specifically to give our protagonist high-ground. What does Dio do? He severs his own head, kills Jonathan while he's distracted tying the knot, and then attaches his head to JoJo's body! Well, that was... drastic. I feel like there was a far-less elaborate solution he could have used, but... you know what? This works, I suppose.
Oreo: But, with as busy of a rough decade as Dio had, I think it's fair to say he earned himself a break, so after taking a nautical vacation in a coffin at the bottom of the ocean for a nice century, Dio resurfaced in Egypt, where he would once again try to take over-
Chip: ZA WARUDO!!!!
Oreo: Don't worry, we're almost there.
Cherry: His ultimate goal post-world conquering was that he wished to create a world in which everybody had full-knowledge of everything that life had in store for them, and be able to stomach and make peace with their fates. To him, this was heaven.
Chip: And to achieve this goal, Dio would attain quite possibly the greatest weapon he would attain throughout his journey, through Enya the Hag. Alright, now can we say the thing?
Oreo: Yeah, this is the time!
Cherry: 3... 2... 1...
All: ZA WARUDO!!!!!
*cue the time stop soundbite used whenever Dio activates his stand's abilities*
Oreo: So yeah, to elaborate more; Dio, if you haven't caught on, is a highly cautious person. Both in terms of combat, and the mental game. Thus, as befitting such a strong-minded, patient person, he would receive a stand that benefits exactly that. A stand of godlike powers to fit his god complex, The World.
Cherry: The World is a very impressive stand, being able to keep up with Star Platinum, the stand of Jotaro Kujo, in combat and be evenly matched physically. However, the one thing that separates the two is The World's ability to stop time.
Chip: Given how much of an asshole he is, it's only fitting that he'd get the ability to spam his time stopping abilities as much as he likes. As if other stand users weren't already malding at how unfair that is, the length that time stops seems to grow every time he uses it. Though, we only get to see him use it for 11 seconds at most before his eventual death by the hands of Jotaro.
Oreo: Speaking of which, it's also probably important that we talk about how Jotaro was able to bypass the abilities of The World, as that not only ties into Dio's story, but also dives into some other important general aspects of stands.
Cherry: Essentially, JoJo number 3 inherited his stand, Star Platinum, from Dio through Jonathan's body and bloodline, explaining how Star Platinum and The World match each other physically, and how Star Platinum eventually was able to adapt time-stopping abilities of it's own.
Chip: It's also worth noting that Jotaro was a special case. If you wanted a stand of your own, you would have to get a stand arrow. Like this one I found in my attic!
Cherry: Yoink *takes*
Chip: HEY! GIVE IT BACK HERE, BITCH!
Cherry: *stabs self*
Suddenly, a red, feminine figure with a metallic appearance and a ghastly aura appears above Cherry.
Cherry: Huh, I guess I have a stand now
Chip: No you don-
*suddenly, a giant Strawberry (still invisible to Oreo and Chip) crushes Chip*
Chip: OW MY PELVIS.
Cherry: Aaaand I already love it! I think I'm gonna name it Strawberry Avalanche!
Oreo: Oh yeah, one thing to note is that Stands aren't visible to non-stand users, explaining why Chip couldn't see Cherry's new stand.
Chip: I think my penis fell off.
Cherry: Circling back to Dio, it's not like The World is all he has going for him. He has a number of knives available to him, as well as some mild flight. As previously mentioned, he has the ability to fire highly pressurized jet streams of water from his eyes, dubbed "Space Ripper Stingy Eyes". He can do this potently enough to power through solid stone, which can withstand anywhere between 1,800 to 19,000 psi of compressive force.
Chip: Nevermind, it's just frightened.
Cherry: Alright, that's enough of you fantasizing, it's obvious the boulder hit you hard enough.
Chip: Fantasizing about wha-
Cherry: Just get up already.
Chip: Alright, fine.
*Cherry deactivates Strawberry Avalanche and her powers, by extension the subsequently generated Strawberry, and frees Chip."
Chip: Ugh, I will get back at you for this one, I swear. Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, did we mention that The World is able to punch at the speed of light?!?! Yeah no, he keeps up with Star Platinum, who can keep up with Silver Chariot, who can CUT THROUGH BEAMS OF LIGHT.
Oreo: That's not to mention that both can keep up with Stone Free, who was able to punch meteors that were just pulled into earth within seconds.
Cherry: Though there is also the matter of quite possibly Dio's most powerful weapon, the road roller.
Chip: ROAD ROLLER-DA!!!!!
Cherry: Yeah, no, it's literally just a big ass yellow steamroller. Now if Dio gets a yellow underwater vehicle, he'll also have a Beatles song in the JoJo catalogue of band references.
Chip: In spite of his overall arrogance, Dio is still an incredibly tactical opponent, able to read virtually any situation, and has the patience to do whatever is necessary to come out victorious.
Oreo: While he did fall to Jotaro in the end, it was mostly from him being caught off guard by Star Platinum gaining the same powers as The World. In the end, his greatest follower being able to end the Joestar bloodline.
Cherry: When you have godlike powers and the mind to use them effectively, you're pretty much guaranteed to succeed.
Dio Brando: "Ore ha ningen wo yameruzo JoJo!!" (I reject my humanity, JoJo!!)
Akuma seeks a challenge in DEATH BATTLE![]
Oreo: In the world of Street Fighter, combatants of several different combat practices join together.
Cherry: These, are the world warriors.
Chip: There are several famous faces in the world of Street Fighter, such as Ryu, the warrior of the Ansatsuken, or Chun-Li, user of a mix of Chinese Martial Arts, Capoeira, and Taekwando.
Oreo: But among this broad cast of faces within the Street Fighter series, one stands out as the darkest. Even more intimidating and murderous than the guy with LITERAL POWER OVER SOULS, TELEPORTATION, FLIGHT AND SEVERAL OTHER THINGS THAT SHOULD BE BARRED FROM ANY MARTIAL ARTS BATTLE, EVER.
Cherry: This, is Akuma, the barbaric practitioner of the Satsui no Hado.
Akuma; as he appears in Street Fighter III; Second Impact.
Chip: The Satsui no Hado is described as taking the spirit to kill the opponent, essentially, if killing people were encouraged in a martial art.
Oreo: One particularly powerful figure in the Street Fighter universe, Seth, describes the Satsui no Hado as being rooted within the darker natural basis of human instinct.... and the manifestation of destruction borne out of conflict.
Cherry: People who are able to harness the power of Satsui no Hado successfully attain supreme power over standard warriors, but also gain an obsessive desire to fight. Oh yeah, and you also get red hair and eyes, darker skin, fangs, essentially, any furry chicks dream guy.
Chip: And Akuma exemplifies just that, being a cold warrior known for his brutal technique in combat, with a sole focus on finding powerful warriors and engaging in battles to the death against strong foes. So yeah, he's an edgy bitch.
Oreo: Though, he wasn't always this way. Early in his martial arts career, Akuma and his brother, Gouken, would become students in a dojo run by a master by the name of Goutetsu, who taught a nameless martial art, that had lethal potential.
Chip: As both began progressing, there was a rising dispute over the true nature of the martial art, and how to master it. Essentially, Gouken was being a big pussy, and didn't understand that violence solves everything. Damn, for once I am siding with the emo guy!
Oreo: For all the wrong reasons, Chip. Regardless, Akuma would stay with Goutetsu while Gouken would begin his own dojo, to no opposition. Meanwhile, Akuma vowed to continue learning Goutetsu's fighting style the way it was intended.
Cherry: And to do that, he would embrace the ways of Satsui no Hado, giving up any and all compassion towards other humans, as well as leave Goutetsu's side in order to train more independently, and gain more power.
Chip: He would, however, succumb to the Satsui no Hado's darker side, upon embracing it fully. Thus, he began developing a lust to fight to the death, an aforementioned side effect of leaning too into the Satsui no Hado. Unlike his master, who was capable of using it without giving in to it's dark side.
Oreo: Akuma would return to Goutetsu to challenge him to a fight to the death, in order to prove that he had surpassed his master.
Cherry: He would achieve victory through the Shun Goku Satsu, one of the very techniques that Goutetsu taught, that literally translates to "Instant Hell Murder". Yeah, they're really selling this that much. File:ShunGokuSatsu.webp
Chip: How this appears is that the user does a, glide, for lack of better wording, towards their opponent, an action known as the Ashura Senku, that typically has phasing properties, as he goes through projectiles and opponents before using it on it's own. In the Shun Goku Satsu, he does this before the screen goes black, and the opponent is relentlessly beaten, before finally, all we see left is the user, standing over their fallen opponent dominantly.
Oreo: To date, only two fighters have been able to fight off Shun Goku Satsu, one of these being Gen.
Cherry: Gen managed to withstand the attack by embracing himself in a state of Mu (roughly translating to "Not have", or "Without; note that it also can refer to pure awareness, a definition most commonly used by the Chan school of Buddhism), allowing him to block and withstand the attack (given the context, it's likely referring to the second definition, though the first could also be referring to the Power of Nothingness. Note that in Street Fighter itself, it doesn't seem to have any definition beyond being one of Oni's moves). In the end, however, the battle never ended, as Akuma sensed that Gen was sick and that the fight was unfair.
Chip: The other guy, aptly named Guy, was able to block every hit of the Shun Goku Satsu from Evil Ryu, off the virtue of his significant speed advantage over the former, so while it is an incredible attack, it can be read if you have a keen enough combat intelligence, or if you're just fast enough (Gouken has also survived the attack, though it did send him into a coma).
Oreo: Even still, those exceptions were few and far between, and Akuma's overall might would lead to him finally defeating Gouken with the Shun Goku Satsu, though, not killing him.
Cherry: After this, however, Akuma would begin searching for worthy opponents on a global scale, watching small tournaments and street fights. Encountering strong opponents, such as his aforementioned fight with Gen.
Chip: Akuma would eventually grow an obsession with a World Warrior by the name of Ryu, having the innate desire to have him touch- OH WAIT NOPE, no, wrong page, uhhhhh,
*flipping pages*
Chip: Having the innate desire to awaken the Satsui no Hado in his prey, yeah, there we go. Ryu would eventually find Akuma's island, known interchangeably as Onigami Isle or the Gokuentou- WAIT AKUMA HAS HIS OWN ISLAND?
Oreo: Not for long, Ryu would challenge Akuma, and while he seemingly took the upper hand, Akuma was only testing him. He tells Ryu to find him again after he has embraced the Satsui no Hado, and he strikes the ground, leaving his abode in shambles as he leaves.
Cherry: Which, given the height of the mountain, 987m, is about the same force it would take to crumble a large city, or even a small mountain!
Chip: Damn, did you also know that beyond the Street Fighter cast, he's faced characters from Tekken, and even Final Fight?
Oreo: Ok, I don't know anything about Tekken, but surely Street Fighter X Tekken is non canon, right?
Chip: No, I sh** you not, not only is Akuma in a mainline Tekken game, but he is an essential, non-skippable part of it's lore now.
Oreo: Huh, well then, back to Final Fight, he's faced people like Ryu, who in his evil form has traded blows with Guy, who has traded blows with people like Hugo, who has faced Mike Haggar.
Cherry: Need I remind you that Mike Haggar has the ability to piledrive people, SO HARD
Chip: *distant* You like it that way don't you~
Cherry: That the resulting explosion, yes, EXPLOSION, is visible from OUTER SPACE. Also, what was that you just said, Chip? *Strawberry Avalanche looms*
Chip: You heard m- *giant orange crushes Chip*
*we cut back*
Chip: He was also capable of jumping M. Bison, that asshole we were talking about earlier with the teleportation. Akuma was able to get to him so fast, that he killed him in the first shot! We also know that Bison is no stranger to quick, deadly attacks and forces, since he was able to tag a satellite laser beam that was moving at roughly 5,000 times the SPEED OF SOUND.
Oreo: By this point, Akuma has proven that he is an extremely impressive and capable fighter, both in terms of his power and skill. But to truly prove he was the best, he had to go back and finish the rivalry that had been going for so long, yet was so silent.
Cherry: He who embraced carnage for the principle of combat in it's purest, most brutal form, or he who sought class, and a more ethical, classy way to practice martial arts.
Chip: The Satsui no Hado VS The Ansatsuken. Akuma VS Gouken (This battle did occur before Akuma fought Ryu, but we had to wait on this one).
Oreo: You see, as Akuma had sunk deeper and deeper into the rabid sickness that is the Satsui no Hado in the martial arts world, Gouken was busy crafting his own style of the art, embracing the spirit, class, and peaceful nature by completely removing the Satsui no Hado from all elements of the fighting style.
Cherry: Those famous techniques, the Hadoken and Shoryuken, were actually made the way you see them today by Gouken! They were originally fatal techniques that he had tailored himself to remove it's deadly aspects and killing potential, and instead turned them into techniques for self defense.
[awkward silence proceeds to go brr]
Oreo: Chip, you know it's your turn to talk, right?
Chip: *snoring loudly* mimimimimimimi. Oh, sorry, I dozed off at how boooooring Gouken is.
Cherry: Gouken is a badass, he was able to fight Akuma and take him to his limit, and survive the Shun Goku Satsu by embracing the power of nothingness, something that will not be getting an elaborate explanation, but can be described as the complete opposite of the Satsui no Hado, even being able to supposedly defeat the Satsui no Hado, by embracing the spirituality and mentality of martial arts, even being called the sacred hado because-
Chip: *embraces the power of snore*
Cherry: Ugh, you're hopeless.
Chip: What, am I supposed to suck his dick like you are just because he trained the poster boys?
Cherry: Not what I'm doing, also, you would know a lot about dick sucking, wouldn't you?
Oreo: REGARDLESS, even with this incredible power on Gouken's side, he was still defeated in the end, as while he did survive the Shun Goku Satsu, he was sent into a coma and buried for years from the deadly attack.
Cherry: So, after leaving and kicking Ken's ass in the process, one thing is clear: He truly is a brutal warrior to face, with quite the body count to his name. Still, even with being as absorbed in the Satsui no Hado as he is, this somehow wasn't enough. Lord knows he needed more, and
Chip: he went Super Saiyan?
Cherry: Uhm, kind of, actually!
Chip: whut?
Cherry: When Akuma entirely sacrifices every single shred of a fiber of humanity he has, and entrenches himself entirely within the Satsui no Hado, he becomes the demonic barbarian, evil incarnate.
Oni.
Oni; from his Shadaloo C.R.I profile
Chip: Aw man, he's just like James Gunn.
Cherry: How in any way does this connect to James Gunn.
Chip: Well first he had spiky red hair and was all glowing and sh**, so he's like Heat Miser, but then he decided to change his hair to glow all light blue and his skin turned blue, and now he's like Snow Miser, just like how James Gunn used to have more out there brown hair, and now he has white hair and it's more straight up, like Snow Miser, why can't either of them make up their minds?
Oreo: Snow Miser is better tbh
Cherry: Seconded.
Chip: Regardless, according to these notes
Cherry: Those are my n-
Oreo: Let him have this one, he hasn't contributed much of value in a hot minute
Chip: Oni himself, at least, in Street Fighter canon, can pretty much be summed up as Akuma on steroids. The Shun Goku Satsu? It's faster now. Gohadokens? Now, they don't fizzle out at any time until it hits, and it's much stronger. You want to take him out? Nice try, he's taken a volcano eruption and laughed it off. Note that if he embraces Satsui no Hado nigh fully, but maintains his humanity, he also has a sort of middle-of-the road form; Shin Akuma.
Oreo: There's also...
[awkward silence 2 electric boogaloo]
Cherry: Yes...?
Oreo: I think that's it.
Cherry: Really?
Chip: Yeah according to these notes, this is the only stuff we can pull without roping in damn Asura from Asura's wrath.
Cherry: Eh, that's fair, wait a second... ASURA? Dunno much about him, but like, hasn't he DESTROYED RED AND BLUE SUNS?
Chip: Oh, if we ever do an Asura's Wrath episode... you guys are not prepared.
*looks at screen; beat*
Chip: That's a cue, by the way.
Oreo: Regardless of our interest in certain characters at this juncture, Akuma does have his flaws; for one thing, if an opponent appears to have an unfair disadvantage, such as being sick, Akuma will not fight them. He also tends to hold back, as he has the desire to face an opponent capable of defeating him.
Cherry: Still, he is an incredibly dangerous warrior, with a ton of different abilities, extreme physicality, and skill of a true, seasoned warrior.
Akuma: "Waganawa Gōki Unu no shin'naru ichigeki Misete miyo!" (I am Akuma, and I will teach you the meaning of pain!)
Cherry: But before all of that...
Predictions[]
Cherry: It's time for the predictions section, where I, Cherry, read off the results of the corresponding poll for this battle, as well as reading some predictions of note. Unlike last time, we only have one full prediction, though it is certainly both welcome and extremely high quality. One Scarecrow640 believes that Dio should take home this win, citing several reasons, with the two big ones being around the abilities of Dio's stand, and how Akuma should neither be able to counter, or even see The World. Samfry523, however, believes Akuma wins on account of Dio not being able to harm Akuma in any significant way, and that the raging demon should be able to take him down. Now for the poll results.
Cherry: And it looks like Dio is far and away the crowd favorite!
Chip: Ugh, do we have to make Cherry do these? She's so boooring, I wanna see fighting already, not Cherry reading more boring shi-
Cherry: Well lucky for you, we're already done-
Chip: Wait, really? Damn, now we can get to the really good st-
Cherry: With this section, because your girl got us a sponsor!
Chip: Wait how is that possible for a fanon DEATH BA-
Sponsor![]
Cherry: This episode of VaporwaveS'mOREO's fanon DEATH BATTLEs is brought to you by... Sacrosanct!
Cherry: Sacrosanct is an intriguing web novel written by Resident Eldritch, a user many of you are likely familiar with as Eldritch Resident (formerly The Eldritch Snowcone/Necromercer) on this very wiki! Follow the gritty story of Hollow, a corpse of a soldier as he wakes up in a wasteland of dark clouds, corpses, rain, and piles of rotting flesh and rusted steel, as he tries to recover his memory and discover the events leading to his situation, an excellent story that is phenomenal at building tension and provoking thought, a highly mysterious plot with more and more questions after any and every answer. The story is currently at chapter four, and Eldritch has not only already began commissioning an extremely talented artist to create visual aid for each character, but he is looking to hire a narrator to make the story into an audio novel! After this battle, be sure to give it a read, and if you want to support him, go on Webnovel, create an account, and be sure to give it a good review. So far it's fives across the board, and it absolutely deserves a perfect rating, even while incomplete!
Read Sacrosanct here RIGHT after the battle, but right now... well, there's yet another corpse to be made, and even more blood to spill here.
Pre-Fight[]
Oreo: Alright, the combatants are set!
Cherry: We've run the data through ALL possibilities.
Chip: It's time for a DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DEATH BATTLE![]
It was a dark night in Hong Kong. The moon pierced the sky in hues of bright white, and everybody had already succumbed to slumber to the spread of calm, quiet nightfall. The dim lights that would make it difficult to see the edge of your nose, and the sound of... screaming?
The city was pierced by the sounds of distress, though many were too deep in their slumber to notice initially. It was coming from the dojo of Dan Hibiki, which had just been challenged by Akuma, master of the Satsui no Hado, and the seeker of challenges, typically, to the death, though tonight seemed to be an exception. Hibiki himself, who was knocked out was... frankly a fairly weak warrior in terms of both skill, and actual physicality, but Akuma had respected the potential he had, and moreso, his devotion to his craft to avenge his father, and how he also had some allignment to the Satsui no Hado deep within him. Thus, he was spared, and just as he was about to leave, a new challenger approached. His protege, Sakura Kasugano.
Sakura: Nē, Hibiki-san ni naniwoshita no?!?! (Hey, what have you done to Hibiki-San?!?!)
Akuma: Watashi wa chōsen o motomete imasu, to kare wa kotaeta. Kare no genzai no jōtai wa hoka naranu kare jishin ni yotte hikiokosa reta monodeari, kare wa ikite ite kōunda. (I seek challenges, he answered. His current condition was caused by nobody other than himself, he's lucky to be alive.)
Sakura: Sate, anata wa ken'nin-chūdesu. Tamatama chikoku jugyō no mae ni mō 1-kai naguru jikan ga arimasu! (Well now you're on double duty, I happen to have time to give one more beating before late class!)
Akuma: Sore de, tomodachi ni fukushū suru tame ni tatakaitaidesu ka? Yoroshī, anata mo kare to onajiyōni taorerudeshou, gōman'na ojōsan! (So you wish to fight to avenge your friend? Very well, you will fall as he did, insolent girl!)
Sakura, follower of Ryu, would gallantly attempt to take out Akuma with a twist one on of her idol's famous techniques, by trying to deliver a running Shoryuken. Akuma, however, was able to use the Ashura Senku to phase straight through the novices attack, before delivering a Tatsumaki Zankukyaku, flooring Sakura. Sakura was attempting to find her footing again, very obviously dazed as Akuma went in for a quick defeat, another Ashura Senku that he intended to lead into his famous and deadly Shun Goku Satsu.
However, this is where things took a turn.
There was nearly a picosecond between himself and Sakura making contact when suddenly, Sakura had disappeared. Akuma was confused by this, but remained collected, looking around, before seeing a man holding Sakura on the top of a nearby roof, standing virtually on the very end of the roof, where it seemed even the slightest breeze or disruption of balance would lead to his fall, yet, he stood, his bright yellow jacket standing out like a sore thumb in the dark night, absorbing the light of the nearby lamp posts around the streets of Hong Kong, radiating arrogance in his stance and expression. Akuma, however, had problems with this mans demeanor, but mostly, his actions.
Akuma: Soko no anata, naze watashi no tatakai o jama shita nodesu ka? Anata wa budō o keishi shite kimashita! (You there, why have you interrupted my fight? You have disrespected martial arts!)
Dio: Ochitsuite kudasai, yajū, watashi wa chōdo nodo ga kawaite itanode, nomimono o nomi ni ikazu ni haira remasendeshita. (Calm down, beast, I was just feeling thirsty, and I just couldn't resist going for a drink.)
Akuma: Anata wa watashitachi no tatakai o jama shi, supōtsu igai demo hitobito o koroshite imasu! Watashi wa akumadesu, anata no burei-sa no tame ni, watashi wa anata o anata no sōzōnushi no tokoro ni tsurete ikimasu! (You've interrupted our battle, and you're killing people outside of sport! I am Akuma, and for your insolence, I shall take you to your maker!)
Dio smirked and licked his lips, dropping the dry husk of Sakura as her blood dripped from the tooth marks in her neck between Dio and Akuma, before jumping down and grabbing 8 knives, holding each between his fingers before holding one arm in front of him and taunting Akuma to come at him.
Dio: Yajū, ne? Watashitachi wa mattaku nite inai noda to omoimasu, yaban'na oni-me! (Beast, huh? I suppose we aren't entirely dissimilar, barbaric ogre!)
FIGHT![]
Akuma, maddened by the disrespect Dio had shown, would rush in with a Tatsumaki Zenpukyaku, making contact with every revolution from the spinning attack.
But not with Dio. Dio stood completely still as every hit Akuma had attempted to deliver was blocked by a strange force, as Dio stood still in the center of it, before Akuma was sent backwards out of midair on the last hit attempt, Akuma rolled off of the landing, before backing into a wall. He would then attempt firing 3 Gohadokens from a distance, before going into a Tatsumaki Zankukyaku.
All of the Gohadokens would be effectively stopped, however, almost as though they had... hit something else. Akuma himself, was on the brink of hitting Dio directly in the face, before he was stopped. He felt an odd grabbing force on his leg, as if something had caught it, before he was thrown behind Dio. Dio turns around;
Dio: Wa ̄ , USELESS, USELESS. (Ha, useless, useless).
Akuma was intrigued by the lack of movement or even visible pressure on his opponent, thinking to himself;
Akuma (thinking): Fumu, sesshoku o shadan suru nanrakano nōryoku o motte iru yō de, kyōmibukai. (Hmph, he appears to have some sort of ability that blocks contact, intriguing.)
Akuma then taps into the Satsui no Hado, to try and see if Dio as well has embraced the muderous art, he certainly has signs of someone who would embrace violence in battle, alas, he found something, far more interesting.
Akuma (thinking): Omoshiroi koto ni, watashi ga uketa kōgeki wa kare no monode wa naku,-betsu no dareka kara no monodesu... Seirei? Izure ni seyo, Shun Goku Satsu ya wa sono tamashī o funsai shi, kare no mono o yōkyū surudarou. (Interesting, the attacks I take are not his, but of someone else... a spirit? Regardless, the Shun Goku Satsu shall crush it's soul, and claim his.)
Akuma, now more aware of what he faces, goes straight in to hit Dio, running now, seemingly recklessly. Dio smirks again as he looks towards Akuma, as he once again summons ZA WARUDO, the being that has been responsible for intercepting Akuma, yet is only now visible. It begins to punch forwards, in an attempt to stop Akuma dead in his tracks. Akuma, however, had a plan, and used an Ashura Senku to go through the attack, and led into a punch that, like his previous attempt to end his fight with Sakura, was razor close to hitting Dio directly in the face, as Dio's eyes broadened. Alas, it wasn't to hit, as Dio would disappear and reappear behind Akuma, backed to a nearby though it felt... instantaneous...
Dio threw the knives he had been saving in between his fingers, every blade scattering in similar fashion to a Shotgun blast. Akuma ran straight through every blade, rolling, punching, and kicking away all 8 blades that Dio had been saving, each falling to the ground, as Akuma once again approaches, and goes for another punch, only for Dio to disappear, again, almost instantaneously, but this time, every knife had also been taken off the ground once again, and propelled in the direction of Akuma. Before Akuma could react, several knives went flying at him, and while he could block a few, he was grazed once on the arm, and another time on the face as Dio laughed from above, sitting atop a lamp post near him. Akuma quickly wiped off his face and swiped the blood from his arm, before punching the post Dio was sitting on.
Dio: Kare wa kono you ni doko ni mo ika nai desho u, watashi wa yori yoi hani to 2 mai no kirifuda wa motsu te iya masu . (He'll get nowhere like this, I have better range, and two trump cards.)
The post creaked, and Akuma punched again, leading to it breaking. Dio fell off, falling straight in front of Akuma, yet remained calm and collected in mind, and maintained his smug outlook on the battle as he "disappeared" behind Akuma once more, this time, closer, as ZA WARUDO would come out again, ready to slug Akuma in the jaw. Akuma, this time however, had used his organic instincts and combat awareness to realize that Dio was most often appearing behind him.
Akuma: Kore ijou no game wa ari mase nichi. (No more games.)
While he couldn't be entirely sure himself, Dio was aware that Akuma had successfully avoided an attack, whether Akuma could see ZA WARUDO, he was unsure, but this spelt trouble for sure. Before Dio could "disappear" again, Akuma would catch Dio out of mid-air with an uppercut, and then punch him in the stomach, sending Dio backwards, and while Dio had certainly gotten several hits in, it was made obvious by just these two blows who the more physically impressive combatant was. Dio crashed into a nearby building, bleeding from his mouth, his stomach now bruised and slightly caved in, and the impact causing his arm to be severed, coughing out blood now;
Dio: KUSO! (DAMN!)
Akuma sent several Gohadokens in Dio's direction, as he ran towards the downed vampire, trying to press on the advantage. Dio resummoned ZA WARUDO to block the Gohadokens, as he quickly reattached his severed arm, his stomach reforming as he licked the blood from his lips.
Akuma was still hot pressing on Dio, and as the last Gohadoken was tanked by ZA WARUDO, Akuma was within feet from Dio, as Dio stood up, and realized that he wouldn't have time to properly counter Akuma, he would quickly shout out;
Dio: ZA WARUDO!!! (THE WORLD!!!)
It is here where, from a visual standpoint, we first see how Dio's been able to keep disappearing. He wasn't.
Time had now been taken to a complete stop, as Akuma was completely frozen, and everything else surrounding the brutal warriors was frozen as well. All except Dio, who began moving towards Akuma, who was stuck in his running posture.
1 second passed.
Dio Summoned ZA WARUDO in front of him, who is also able to move in stopped time, before getting about 3 feet away from Dio.
2 seconds passed.
Dio: Watashitachi no tatakai ni wa mō unzarida. Kore de owarida, ōga. (I've grown sick of our battle. This ends now, ogre.)
3 seconds passed.
DIO: MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA ...
MUDA!!
9 seconds now. Time would resume now as Akuma, once moving forward with purpose and power, had his momentum reversed, sent back again after enduring the pain of what must have been tens of hundreds of golden punches. He was still not quite aware of how this attack occured, and he would have to hold on thinking about it, as he was sent flying back. He would tuck and roll as he made contact with the ground, standing up again, but Dio was right on his tail as ZA WARUDO fed an uppercut right to Akuma's jaw, sending him upwards through the center of a nearby building.
Akuma landed on his back on what was several floors up a building. He got up to find his footing again, only for Dio to stop time again and appear right behind him.
Dio: Tsukamaeta. (Got you.)
Akuma was midway through turning around, and attempted a right hook on Akuma, but was met with yet another hit from ZA WARUDO on his stomach, sending him through the wall behind him... and then the wall behind that, sending him into the building behind it. Akuma would roll again, this time, more aware of his surroundings and how quickly Dio could catch him at any moment. Akuma would crouch down briefly as Dio began walking to the other side of the previous building, the dust from the impact blocking their view of each other. Akuma would briefly crouch down to gather his thoughts.
Akuma: Kare wa nozomu tokoro e shunji ni ikeru yōdaga… sakki watashi ga hashitte iru toki ni kare ga utta koto o kangaeru to, motto aru hazuda… (He seems to be able to go wherever he wishes instantaneously, but... given that hit he made while I was running earlier, there has to be more... Regardless, I should watch out. Perhaps I'll be able to lear-)
Just then, Dio would reappear behind him. Akuma, however, now aware that he couldn't attempt any hits directly to Dio himself, decided to try something new... Dio would summon ZA WARUDO for another hit...
Dio: Ā, anata wa kesshite- (Ha, you'll never-)
Before he could finish his sentence, Akuma would punch the floor incredibly hard, through the ceiling, as cables seperated, lighting and ceiling panels began falling down, and the floor would begin crumbling as Akuma and Dio began falling through the floors. As they hit the bottom, the rubble from the damage Akuma caused within that one punch would begin tailing the two bloody bastards. One large piece in particular would hit a wall, causing a large chunk of the building to collapse, throwing off the weight as everything else around the two fell. The two landed, and the remains of the building were closely following, falling from above. Akuma attempted to punch up and get out, but was intercepted by several other pieces of rubble that had hit him, meanwhile, Dio was already knocked down after having been thrown off balance earlier as both were buried...
or, were they?
The camera begins panning up from the darkness from beneath the remains of the building, as we see a foot atop the peak of the pile. One adorned by golden, ring like shapes around it circling to the bottom. The camera slowly pans up...
Dio: Ā, hontōni sore de umaku iku to omotta no? (Ha, you really thought that would work?)
Hora, kādo o mune ni chikadzukeru wakede mo nainoni... (You know, I wasn't even holding my cards that close to my chest, but...)
Anata wa kakutō-kadesuga, dōsureba watashi ga shunji ni ugokeru ka o wazawaza kangaenakatta nodesu ka? Wa ̄ , hontōni kawaisōda ne. (You're a fighter, and you didn't bother to try and figure out how I could move instantaneously? Ha, you're truly pathetic.)
A brief flashback plays as we see Dio stopping time, this time, for 10 seconds, as he punches upwards through the building, beginning to float up over the crumbled tower's corpse.
Soredemo, anata ga nikutai-teki ni sugurete iru koto wa tashikadesu. Sorede... (Still, you're admittedly impressive physically. So...)
The camera swiftly cuts to Dio's face
Anata ga hontōni shinde iru koto o kakunin suru hitsuyō ga arimasu! ! ! ! (I NEED TO ENSURE THAT YOU'RE TRULY DEAD!!!!)
As Dio makes that statement, he stops time again as he flies up. A moment of stillness as the camera remains in the same place...
1 second has passed now...
The camera now pans up to follow Dio again, but all we see is... what looks like a large wheel so far...
2 seconds have passed...
Dio now quickly approaches, passing the camera, and while I could tell you what the large wheel ended up being, I think he's about t-
Dio: ROAD ROLLA DAAAA!!!! (Need I really translate this one?)
3 seconds have passed
Dio lands with the road roller as he summons ZA WARUDO, as he then has ZA WARUDO punch down over the road roller, and by extension, the remains of the building. The hits begin crushing the buildings remains, and by extension, are ideally damaging Akuma from underneath...
Dio: MUUUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA
4 seconds....
Dio: MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA
5 seconds....
Dio: MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA
6 seconds....
Dio: MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA
7 seconds....
Dio pauses for a moment, standing up and raising his hands in what could be visually interpreted as a more sinister shrug, visibly shaking as he lets out a cry of pure psychopathy.
Dio: WRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! (How do I even translate this one?)
8 seconds...
He then returns to punching down upon the top of the road roller, now going even closer and hitting even harder, as Dio relishes in the brutality of what he presumes to be certain victory.
DIO: MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA (9 seconds...) MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA (10 seconds...)MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA ...
MUDA!!
11 seconds have passed now as time resumes, Dio having gained another second now from the last time stop.
The building is shown below, now reduced to little more than dust and a few pebbles. Dio begins laughing atop the road roller as the camera zooms out...
It then zooms closer to the bottom of the road roller, which is now shaking intensely.
Dio: Na-Nani???? (Wha-What????)
Akuma: GOOOOSHORYU!!!!!! (this one doesn't even need translation, it's a damn attack.)
Akuma's fist rises through the cold layers of the road roller's steel, wheels, and eventually, into Dio's foot. The force of the uppercut causes Dio's leg to spring up wildly, causing a sprain. This, however, would be the least of Dio's problems, as the Goshoryuken would continue to Dio's knee. Akuma's fist rising straight through the knee and up through Dio's thigh as the leg was severed and torn straight off, flying behind him off the road roller as Dio is naturally thrown off balance and falls, his back lying directly over the hole that was made in Dio's yellow steamroller, as he looks up at the warrior- nay, monster that stood above him.
Dio: Anata, anata wa - (You, you-)
Akuma: Anata wa watashi no supōtsu o keishi shi, watashi no izen no tatakai o chūdan shi, tatakai no ma watashi ni keii o shimeshimasendeshita. Anata no keii no ketsujo ni taishite, watashi wa yōsha no nai taido de anata ni ai ni ikimasu! Anata wa shinu koto ni narudeshou! (You've disrespected my sport, interrupted my previous battle, and have shown me no respect during our fight. For your lack of respect, I'll meet you with a lack of mercy! You shall die!)
With that assertion of difference between the two, both in terms of combat and on a personal level, Akuma begins dropping his fist, attempting to plunge it straight through Dio's chest. Dio's eyes locked straight with Akuma's, almost... suspiciously locked as Akuma's fist slows... and stops... Akuma now with a shocked expression, twitching wildly attempting to finish the job as Dio begins... clapping?
Dio: Mattaku no orokamono yo. (You absolute fool.)
Akuma: Na, watashi ni naniwoshita no…? (Wha- what have you done to me...?)
Dio: Mitomemasu, anata wa subarashīdesu.-Kun ga hanatta ichigeki wa ippanjin ni totte wa chimeishōdeari, kimi wa sutando o tsukawanakatta to shite mo, sukunakutomo boku ga torikku o shikakete iru koto ni wa kidzuite ita yōda… (I'll admit, you're impressive. Every hit you landed would be lethal to a standard man, and even though you don't use stands, you seemed to at least be aware that I was pulling tricks...)
Akuma: Yamete…-dōshita no? ? (Cut the shit... what did you do??)
Dio: Anata wa watashi no soba ni itara totemo yakunitatsu senshideshou... Sore de, watashi wa ima anata o tsurete ikimasu. (You'd be quite the useful fighter to have by my side... so, I'll be taking you now.)
As the camera switches to view Akuma from Dio's perspective, as a spot under Akuma begins to glow a salmon pink, tipping off a viewer that Dio stopped time to use a flesh bud in an attempt to mind control Akuma.
Dio: Korekara mo mainichi watashi o forō shite kurerudeshou. Anata wa watashi ni totte mattaku atarashī mikomi kyakudeari, itte mireba shoyū-monodesu. Anata wa kanzen ni watashi no monodesu. Anata wa watashi no monodesu! (You'll be following me every day going forward. You are a brand new prospect to me, a possesion, if you will. You belong to me, fully and utterly. You're mine!)
Dio begins laughing maniacally as Akuma hunches back, struggling to keep his mind in tact as Dio stares bullets through the struggling barbarian, before...
Dio had to worry about someone, or something... else.
???: GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!!
Dio's eyes widened, realizing that, while he couldn't put his finger on it, something was different about that scream, something was resisting. He wouldn't get any time to think it over though, as a bright, yet slightly translucent blue aura would go off in a vertical streak. This crushed the road roller, and sent slabs of metal up in the air, floating around the man that had taken Akuma's body, reclaimed him, if you will. The warrior's hair went from a bloody crimson red to an extremely luminant, blue-hued white. His previously dark, brown skin had turned to a dark blue, and while he frankly fit Dio's insult of being "an ogre" more now...
It was obvious that he wasn't a man to insult lightly.
The newly transformed Akuma gave no mind to Dio initially, his red eyes lit as he stared blankly off into the distance, tearing the remains of the charred flesh bud off of his head and crushing it in his hand, the warriors palm now drenched in crimson blood. He then looked down at Dio, now staring bullets straight back through him, his eyes like lasers, piercing and burning the vampire's eye-sockets with their brightness.
Dio: Anatahadaredesu ka... Kaibutsudesu ka? (Who are you... monster?)
He would get his answer, as he would reveal that he was no monster, but simply the result of Dio trying to claim the humanity that had been holding the purest nature of the Satsui no Hado back.
Oni: Watashi wa aku no keshindearu onidesu, soshite watashi wa anata o watashi no kakato no shita de funsai shimasu! (I am Oni, evil incarnate, and I shall grind you beneath my heel!)
ROUND 2 (Dio VS Oni): FIGHT![]
Oni tried punching straight down upon Dio, who barely rolled out of the way as Oni punched straight through the tail end of the steamroller. Dio hadn't a leg, so stopping time would be useless given that he couldn't press off of the time he could get, and he couldn't stand up straight. He had to think of something fast! Oni jumped up, preparing a Gohadoken that he was hoping would decimate the vampire's head, and cover the bright yellow of the road roller in the pinks of his brain and the crimson red of his blood. Dio had to think quickly, he couldn't writhe atop the vehicle forever and stall, and stopping time to create space would be useless given his missing leg, and even if he could fly away, he'd still have to tend to his leg, a process which, while incredibly fast, would be inconvenient in a life-or-death situation like this, especially by comparison to just reattaching his previously lost leg, which sat behind him, off of the road roller.
Dio wouldn't have time to think through all of his options, though, he needed an idea, a good one, and now. Dio was able to hatch a quick plan, but he required time.
Fortunately, creating time for himself is Dio's specialty.
Dio: Ima, ZA WARUDO!!!! (Now, The World!)
As Oni was seconds away from firing, his hands radiating the flash of one of Oni's fireballs, which he assumed would be more lethal than those used by his previous form, Dio would barely manage to stop time. He quickly had ZA WARUDO redirect Oni's body, and my extension, the blast, by turning him to face the hood of the road roller. He quickly had him punch several holes through the surface of the hood, exposing the oil filter as Dio would turn to face his lost leg. Time would resume, as Oni would fire straight at the oil filter.
Oni: GOHADO- Matsu te, naze watashi wa houkou wa kae ta no desu ka ? anata wa nani wa shi mashi ta ka ? ! (GOHADO- Wait, why have I changed direction? What have you done?!)
As Oni realized what had happened, the Gohadoken would hit the oil filter head on, causing the remains of the road roller to combust, and though it was damaged and had taken quite the beating down, it was still a fairly large machine, so when the parts flew, it was an incredible inferno of fire, as shards flew like wreckage in a tornado.
Dio would get something out of this too, as though he would begin burning, he would be launched straight towards his leg, grabbing it, using the end to put out the fire on his clothes as his bruises from the rough crash had already begun healing, before finally reattaching it, the sky lit orange now as citizens of Hong Kong would hear this and begin scrambling, several of them burnt by the explosion, several already dead from the nearby buildings that had been impacted. Dio would laugh maniacally once more, thinking that his troubles were behind him...
but amidst the hot ember, was the blue essence of ice cold bitterness and disdain as Oni would walk straight through the explosion, his sillhouette standing out like a sore thumb as Dio would look back in shock.
Dio: NANI?!?!?! (What?!?!?!)
Oni would remain silent for a moment, still walking, his bright red eyes blending surprisingly well with the fire, yet still standing out like a laser pointer going directly at Dio's person.
Oni: Sō kantan ni wa watashi o taosenaideshou, yasuppoi torikkude wa kono tatakai o norikiru koto wa dekimasen. Sā, watashi no tokoro ni kite, kanjite kudasai. Watashi no. Ikari! (You will not take me down so easily, cheap tricks will not get you through this battle. Now, come at me, and FEEL. MY. WRATH!)
...and the barbarian would once again charge into gruesome battle once more...
Dio would quickly stop time, now 2-legged once more, he could press off of this and use a stand leap to get to the top of a small building nearby, still facing directly towards Oni, before throwing several knives a second out to face his opponent, ending at roughly twenty as the time stop reached it's 6 second mark. He would then quickly summon ZA WARUDO, who would begin rapidly punching each of the knives so they would have some extra punch.... or rather, pierce, and that more importantly, they would go further, and ideally flurry Oni in a blizzard of blades. Time would resume, and the knives began flying at his opponent. Oni would pay no mind to this, however...
For no mere blade would pierce his fiery resolve, nothing would stop the intent of the warrior, his body, his spirit, or that which resided inside.
Oni ran straight through the blades that rained down before him, deflecting, evading, and even flat out tanking several hits from them, before jumping and shooting a Gohadoken at the camped Dio, who's hand had been forced to lose his high ground as the blast would hit the corner of the building, sending bits of broken glass and bricks flying around the area. Dio stopped time and stand leaped to another nearby building, as Oni quickly gave chase and blasted Dio's new site directly on it's foundation. This led to an intense chase, as Dio would hop from rooftop to rooftop, Oni following him directly, destroying each building that Dio would occupy.
Dio (thinking): Tashikana koto wa ienai ga, izen no kare ga dōdatta ka o kangaeru to, ima no kare ga nikutai-teki ni yori tsuyoi ka dō ka o tashikameru kikenwookasu koto wa dekinai. Kyori o okanakereba narimasenga, mada tōku kara kare o tsukamaeru koto wa dekimasen. Kare no ki o sorasu nanika o mitsukenakereba narimasen... (I can't be sure, but given how he did before, I can't risk trying to find out if he's physically stronger now. I need to keep my distance, but I still can't get him from afar. I need to find something to divert him...)
Oni (thinking): Atakamo watashi ga kare no kōdai o hakai suru tabi ni, kare wa shunji ni atarashī jimen o mitsukete idō dekiru yōdesu. Kare ga dō yatte kore o yatte iru no ka o rikai shite, kauntā o mitsukenakereba narimasen. (It seems as though every time I destroy his high ground, he can find and move atop new ground in an instant. I must figure out how he's doing this, and try and find a counter.)
The screen then splits as Dio looks down at the front of an extremely small building by relativity to what surrounds it, as the camera pans down to a familiar husk from earlier, while Oni briefly glances back, before fully looking up as the camera zooms up to the top of a clock tower behind him. The screen unsplits...
Dio (thinking): Mattekudasai, somosomo kono tatakai no kikkake o riyō dekiru nodesu! (Wait, I can take advantage of what started this battle in the first place!)
Oni (thinking): Chottomatte kudasai. Kare ga dono yō ni shite samazamana basho ni arawareru koto ga dekita no ka, sukoshi wakaru kamo shiremasen. (Hold on, I think I may have an idea how he's been able to appear in different places!)
Dio (thinking): Ano mesukōsei o riyō shite kono orokana yaban hito o obikiyoseru koto ga dekiru nda! (I can use that schoolgirl to bait this foolish barbarian!)
Oni (thinking): Kare wa jikan o tomeru koto ga dekiru nda! (He's able to stop time!)
Dio (thinking): Kanojo o tsukatte mado o tsukuri, soko kara oshidashite chimei-tekina dageki o ataeru dakedesu! (I just have to use her to create a window, and press off of that to land a fatal blow!)
Oni: Watashi wa tsuneni keikai shi, semari kuru kōgeki ni sonae, kono otoko kara kesshite me o hanasanai yō ni suru hitsuyō ga arimasu. (I just have to stay constantly on guard, prepare for any oncoming attacks, and never let this man out of my sight.)
The screen splits once more as these two deliver the following lines:
Dio: Koroshi ni iku yo! (I'll go in for the kill!)
Oni: Kare o watashi no tokoro ni kitasa sete ageru yo! (I'll let him come to me!)
Oni began to take a defensive stance, looking straight up again at Dio from the building he was standing atop, perfectly balanced on the corner, ready to embrace anything Dio would throw at him, and meet Dio back with his fists. Dio, however, was looking to draw him out of his attentive stance, as he, from the building would taunt Oni with knives he was holding between his fingers, doing a "come at me" motion towards him. Oni himself had shown no heed to the taunt, simply nodding towards his opponent, acknowledging the call to action, but not giving in to the request. Dio would not pay any mind, however, as that was merely meant to throw Oni off. He would begin a throwing motion, his gaze locked on Oni, suggesting that the knives were addressed to him. This was yet another faint though, as he would quickly divert his gaze and arm, and switch his aim to the cold, unconscious, yet not dead body of Sakura, throwing the knives at her, as Oni would raise his eyebrows.
Oni: Ko nashi! Kimi wa kore de saigo ni watashitachi no tatakai ni kanshō shita ne! (Bastard! You've meddled with our fight for the last time!)
Oni would exclaim his issues with Dio's actions as he dashed to the fallen Sakura, deflecting all of the knives.
Oni: Anata ni wa keii ga arimasen! (You have no respect!)
Dio: Soshite, anata wa kado ni kōgeki-tekide damasareyasui onidesu. (And you're an overly-aggressive, gullible ogre.)
Oni did not get any time to ponder what that implied, as Dio would set his plan into motion the second after he said that. First, stopping time to punch a building in half, resuming time as the building would fall down towards the brutal fighter.
Oni would throw Sakura away from the building, before...
Oni: GOSHORYU!
a Goshoryu to punch straight through the building!
The bricks began crumbling as the fallen building lost it's structure. Oni would land as the ground crumbled beneath him, his feet unaffected by the hard, sharp bricks that had been lying beneath him. As the dust cleared, Oni began looking around, trying to figure out where his adversary had gone, when suddenly...
Dio: Kono tatakai wa owatta!! (This fight is over!! )
Dio had been lying in wait, having been on top of the building that he had knocked over via a time stop, and had been stalling in the air.
He would fly down, ZA WARUDO in front of him, preparing one final punch, as Oni would look up at his opponent, before getting into one final fighting stance, waiting for him as the two were about to collide. At this point, it was clear to both that this was where the fight would end. The two, in spite of having just met, had a slight mutual respect for each others power, yet on a more personal level...
They absolutely despised each other.
Dio: Oshietekudasai, anata wa eien ni samayotte chōsen suru tsumoridesu ka? (Tell me, do you intend to wander and challenge forever?!?!)
Oni: Sekai saikyō to tatakau made tatakai tsudzukeru yo! (I shall continue fighting until I've fought the best in the world!)
Dio: Fu ̄ n, anata no kangae wa higenjitsutekidesu. Kanzen ni shihai shitai… (Hmph, your thinking is impractical. I wish to entirely rule...)
ZA WARUDO!
Dio would stop time again, breaking the fake immersion that Dio had built, as well as the climactic impact that truly seperated Dio and Oni, both as combatants, and on a more personal level. Oni would now be completely still, as Dio's flight down, that had seemingly been a guns-blazing, hail-Mary attempt at ending the fight would turn to a float, as it would be made clear, both through the statements he made that Oni could hear, the statements that Oni couldn't hear, and what Dio was about to do, that at this point, Dio taking Oni's life, would be entirely personal.
1 second passed
Dio would begin lowering down to Oni's level, staring bullets through Oni, and beginning to walk circles around him, as he would begin a speech
2 seconds have passed
Dio: Orokamono, watashi ga makkōkara taiketsu shite owara seyou to suru hodo no orokamonodearu to hontōni omotta nodesu ka? (Foolish, you truly thought that I would be enough of an idiot to try and end on an up-front confrontation?)
3 seconds have passed
Dio: Watashi no kata ga sugurete iru kamo shirenaiga, dakaratoitte anata no tsuyo-sa o keishi suru tsumori wanai. (I may be superior, but it's not like I'll discount your strength just because of that.)
4 seconds have passed
Dio: Mitometakunaikedo, anata wa watashi ni totte shōmen kara tachimukau ni wa amarini mo panchi ga tsuyo sugirukaradesu. (Because while I hate to admit it, you've much too much punch for me to take head on.)
5 seconds have passed
Dio: Watashi ga anata o fuiwotsuku shunkan ga hitsuyōdatta no wa, watashi ga anata o owaraseru mae ni, anata ga jissai ni kiku koto ga dekiru saigo no kotoba o ikutsu ka ataeru tamedesu. (I simply needed that moment to catch you off guard, so that I could give you a few final words that you could actually hear before I ended you.)
6 seconds have passed
Dio: Ima, anata ni wa watashi no itte iru koto ga nani mo kikoenaideshouga, iumademonaku, anata ga ishiki o torimodosu hon'no isshun no ma ni wakaru koto ga 1-tsu arimasu. (You'll not be able to hear any of what I'm saying right now, but needless to say, there is one thing you'll know for the brief moments you'll be conscious in a moment.)
7 seconds have passed
Dio: Anata ga yori kyōryoku ni naru tame ni tsuiyashita subete no doryoku wa, tōzen'nagara watashi no motsu sainō ni hitteki suru koto wa kesshite dekinai koto o shitte irudeshou. (You'll know that all the work you've put in to be more powerful naturally would never be able to match the gift I possess.)
8 seconds have passed
Dio: Watashi o taosu tame ni anata ga tsuiyashita subete no doryoku ga mudadatta koto ga wakarudeshou. (You'll know all the effort you put in to defeat me was in vain.)
9 seconds have passed
Dio: Meiyo, dōtoku, keii o omonjite koroshita koto wa, reikokuna shide shika mukuwa renakatta koto ga wakarudarou. (You'll know that you're value of honor, morals and respect in your killing had only rewarded you with cold death.)
10 seconds have passed, Dio pauses behind Oni, smirking as he finishes his monologue out, summoning ZA WARUDO who ghosts his hand through Oni's neck, while not as effective as going straight through the heart, he wanted the death of his adversary to be slow, painful
and personal.
Dio: Wakarudeshou watashi ga katta nodesu. (You'll know that I won.)
11 seconds have passed as time resumes once more, Oni begins struggling, ZA WARUDO's hand penetrating Oni's neck, intercepting his breath and making breathing and talking difficult, and while he couldn't have heard what Dio had to say, the response he made in his struggling breath still felt like a perfect, simple response.
Oni: K- kuso ̄... (D- damn you...)
Dio: Dō shita no, ikigire shi teru? (What's the matter, breathless?)
Dio would lean in closer to Oni as he delivered that last line, all but sure that he had won...
...this would prove to be a fatal mistake.
Oni: Īe... (No...)
Oni: ...anata wa watashi ni, futōna jikan o ataeru koto o kyōsei shita nodesu. Bureina hiretsuna anata! (...you forced me to give you time that you don't deserve.YOU DISRESPECTFUL PRICK!)
Dio would quickly go from smug to alarmed, both in expression and soul as Oni would elbow Dio, digging straight into his back as Dio would cough blood, ZA WARUDO's hand now out of Oni's neck as Dio would fall to the ground, slowly getting up, but on limp feet, struggling to catch his breath, his regeneration having kicked into effect but at this juncture would be nigh useless as Oni had turned the tables, now ready to end him.
Dio would look up, only to be met by Oni, who would use an Ashura Senku to bridge into the Shun Goku Satsu, as the screen turns dark, the classic flashes of hits that come with the Shun Goku Satsu would be the only thing visible in this flurry of attacks, Dio's left arm sent flying outwards, before we get a first...
We see Dio in the center of this, flailing back and forth with each hit, fists and kicks going straight through him as ZA WARUDO flickers in and out in front of him, before fully appearing, meeting each of the attacks with a "MUDA!" as the camera zooms out again, golden specks mixed in with each hit as we get the perfect blend of high-octane Street Fighter action, and a final classic flurry of hits like a classic JoJo stand rush...
..but there can only be one.
The action slows as we see things from Dio's perspective again, initially confident once again that ZA WARUDO would be able to block every hit that Oni could throw at him, only to then see something he may not have wanted to... a crack. The horror suddenly dawned on him that not only was Oni exchanging blows with ZA WARUDO, not just no-selling, but that he was doing more damage than his stand. It was too late for planning, however, his soul already battered and now critically damaged, and all he could think to muster as these last hits were delivered was...
Dio: Ba- Bakara.... Kono Dio da! KONO DIO DAAAAAAA!!!! (I-Impossible.... I am Dio! I AM DIO!!!!)
We see first hand the final flash of the Shun Goku Satsu, as a blue fist penetrated the golden armor covering ZA WARUDO's chest, breaking through it, as we got one more shot of Dio's utterly terrified face, before the camera zoomed out one more time, Dio about to shatter with all the damage ZA WARUDO had just absorbed, only for Oni to grab him once more by the head.
Oni: Watashi ga kyoka suru made wa shinanaide kudasai! Anata ni wa nehan ni ataishinai! (YOU DON'T DIE UNTIL I ALLOW YOU TO! YOU DESERVE NO NIRVANA!)
Oni would throw him up, and deliver a Tatsumaki Zankukyaku midair, sending Dio's limbs asunder as Oni would land. Dio's body at this point would fully succumb to both the damage it took, and the pain splitting he had with ZA WARUDO. As Oni would face his back towards the screen, ZA WARUDO would finally crack completely as Dio's body would finally combust, his blood splattering in the back in the same shape as Oni's famous heaven kanji.
K.O![]
Oni would step on Dio's severed head, the only thing that was still any more than half-intact from Dio's body as he would roar into the stars, the camera panning out to showcase the damage from this great clash of power and minds.
Conclusion[]
Chip: Holy shit, that was destructive... but Dio lost. ZERO OUT OF TEN!
Oreo: Ok look, this is likely the closest any battle can be to 50/50 without a battle being 50/50, this was THAT hard to call.
Cherry: For one thing, Dio reacting to Silver Chariot meant he had a better reaction time than Akuma did at least 100 times over, given that the best speed Akuma had was from being able to jump M. Bison. That's lightspeed vs hypersonic people!
Chip: This isn't without mentioning that Akuma had no way of seeing or affecting The World, the best one could argue is that he might be able to sense the presence of an outside entity. Since he can sense the presence of Satsui no Hado in others, it might not be too far fetched to say that he has some soul sensing abilities, which might let him at least know that The World is there. Aside from that, Akuma had no way of getting around The World's attacks. Plus, time-stopping allowed Dio to consistently play keep away with Akuma, and if Dio were to just ghost The World through Akuma and get at something like Akuma's heart, that could theoretically mean a win for Dio. Speaking of which, how does Akuma win in this case?
Oreo: Well for one thing, Akuma absolutely blows Dio out of the water in striking strength and durability, having mountain level striking strength via striking his island into shambles in one hit which surprisingly is big enough where it passes to mountain level, and being able to take hits from people like Ryu and Gouken. Meanwhile the best Dio has is large building level striking strength and durability simply off of taking and keeping up with Jotaro and Star Platinum, of which whom essentially fought Dio to a standstill, only defeating the latter at the very end through developing his own time stop.
Cherry: Not to mention, the Shun Goku Satsu is a soul attack said to be linked to karmic forces, meaning that the sins that a person has committed are all channeled in an infernal punishment on the soul of the person the attack is being used on... and Dio is famously a pretty big ass, so not only would this affect him greatly, but also knowing what a stand is at it's core, a manifestation of the soul of the user, it's very likely that even though Akuma has no way of seeing The World, he does still have a good way of counteracting it.
Chip: Couple this with some other major points, such as Oni hardcountering the flesh buds, Akuma being more than capable of holding up against Dio until sunrise, and the fact that not only does Dio not use his method of instant winning in his home series, but that the Ashura Senku would likely allow Akuma to phase out of it, and you'll find that while Dio could still very easily win, Akuma winning is more likely, though slightly.
Cherry: So, to recap, Dio has all the tools he needs to get free hits in on Akuma, and also keep him from getting close, but that's provided he's constantly keeping watch, while Akuma organically can tank anything Dio can throw at him, and he has counters for any of Dio's instant win methods, and you have a little more reason to take Akuma's side in this one than Dio's.
Chip: In the end, even though we'll likely get a lot of "raging demons" in the comments, we're pretty confident that Akuma would just "Oni" him.
Oreo: The winner is Akuma!
Next Time[]
???: Hiiiii
???: I'll take uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~
???: Poyo!
???: No, this is Patrick!
Post-Episode[]
Oreo: That's a wrap, guys!
Cherry: Why do I have the strange feeling that the production quality is going to end up weirdly better than our last showing for no explicit rhyme or reason?
...
...
Cherry: ...Eh, just a hunch.
Chip: Alright, give me back my stand arrow Cherry, enough stallin- OREO PUT IT DOWN
*Oreo attempts to stab himself with the arrow, only to get tackled by Chip as they fight over it, before Cherry drops a massive lemon on both using Strawberry Avalanche*
Chip: Aw, c'mon, I wanted a stand first!
Oreo: That sounds like a you issue!
Chip: I found the arrow, I get to use it!
Oreo: Well why didn't you use the arrow beforehand?
Chip: Because... F*** YOU!
Cherry: If you two calm down I'll let you out and see if this thing can make those weird niche chocolate oranges that I'm only bringing up to stroke the author's liking of those.
Both: Ok.
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Trivia[]
- This battle has been deemed "Ultra Goober" by Frenchhoaxwide, the first MU by VaporwaveS'mOREO to recieve this blessing.
- The part in the Pre-Episode section was true, as neither Dio, nor Akuma, re present on one-another's possible opponents section until Oreo added them himself, about a week removed from this page being created.
- If this battle were real, it would be the season's first sprite battle, with a few hand-drawn scenes.
- This is the second "Villain VS Villain" themed matchup written by VaporwaveS'mOREO. The first being Thanos (MCU) VS Master Hand.
- There is a part in Dio's analysis that references the infamous "you wouldn't shoot a puppy" scene from Puss in Boots: The Last Wish.
- For those wondering about the "plot hole" of Chip not knowing that stands wouldn't be visible to him, not believing Cherry after she stabs herself with the Stand Arrow, in spite of having supposedly watched through all of JoJo part 3, this can be explained as Chip being a dumbass and just associating Cherry with being a bitch, and thus not believing a word that comes out of her mouth.
- Following the trend of JoJo stands being named after songs, Cherry's stand, "Strawberry Avalanche" is named after the Owl City song of the same name.
- I do not in fact plan on doing an Asura's Wrath episode, but Chip playing Asura's wrath felt in character.
- Oni saving Sakura can be justified as in character via the following
Not quite the same as his saving Sakura, but it's not hard to imagine him preserving her to take her out under more fair circumstances later.
