Diane Foxington VS Yor Forger is a What-If? Death Battle created by XarXel. It features Diane Foxington, also known as the Crimson Paw, from Dreamworks' The Bad Guys, and Yor Forger, codename: Thorn Princess, from Spy × Family.
Intro[]
Wiz: "Diane Foxington, the Crimson Paw."
Boomstick: "Yor Forger, codename; Thorn Princess. Believe me, Wiz. There's no greater mystery than the mind of a woman. No matter how much you spend time with her, you wouldn't even know half of her story."
Wiz: "Right you are, amazingly enough. These two kind madams may seem harmless, maybe even helpful, but they live double lives of thievery and murder."
Boomstick: "He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!"
Wiz: "And it's our job to test their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!"
The Crimson Paw[]
Boomstick: "You'd think a meteor strike would be the worst thing to happen to a city, but no, that goes to the all the thieves this place attracts. Especially a group of the scariest creatures known to man called the Bad Guys."
Wiz: "As a squad of iconic fearsome predators, they were outcasts by society, especially at a young age. Seeing no way out of such prejudice, they decide to become criminals."
Boomstick: "You can tell this was made by DreamWorks. It's kind of their living telling stories about outcasts."
Wiz: "The hacker Ms. Tarantula, the Master of Disguise Mr. Shark, the crazy bruiser Mr. Piranha, the case-cracking jerk Mr. Snake-"
Boomstick: "And Tumblr Sexyman Mr. Wolf!"
Wiz: "Right. Not for one second did any of them believe they could have a better life. But there was one thief in the city that did just that. Many know her as the new governor, Diane Foxington, but she was formerly the greatest thief to ever live - The Crimson Paw."
Boomstick: "Yeah, the Crimson Paw is one of, if not, the best thief around. She stole the Zenpangu Diamond twice, once for profit, the other for fun, and she kept it as a goddamn ring! And no one was none the wiser! Damn, why did she quit the gig? She could be living in a penthouse with those skills."
Wiz: "Well, all that changed on her heist to steal the Golden Dolphin."
Boomstick: "Oh, God, they made a dolphin trophy. Don't they know dolphins are the most evil creatures of the sea? Sure, sharks are deadly, but they're only attracted to blood, so you'd have to be bleeding out beforehand to be in real danger. Dolphins are almost as intelligent as humans, and they share our sadism, too."
Wiz: "(disturbed) Rrright you are. (normal) Many have tried before to steal this trophy, but they all ended up caught. Not the Crimson Paw, though. She had it in her hands and a clear escape route. Diane could have cemented her as a legendary thief. But doing so would have proved everyone she was nothing more than the tricky fox she was prejudiced for. This was her turning point, leaving her life of crime behind and focus on making the world a better place."
Boomstick: "Yeah, good luck doing that as a governor."
Wiz slaps himself in the face and sighs.
Boomstick: "But don't let this new leaf persona - er, fursona - fool you. She has not lost her edge in espionage. When Mr. Wolf stole her ring, she stole right back without him knowing, and he's dodged lasers!"
Wiz: "Looking at how fast Wolf moved his foot to dodge the laser, he'd need to be moving at one fifth the speed of light. Diane can certainly keep up with that, let alone surpass. These skills obviously kept in handy for both of them stealing the Golden Dolphin."
Boomstick: "As a matter of fact, she might be far more skilled pulling that off considering Wolf needed his friends. He needed a little fish who's as strong as he is crazy, a hacker that's left the police in the dark, a case cracking double backstabber, and a big ass shark who stole the Mona Lisa AS the Mona Lisa! The Crimson Paw, on the other hand, did it all by herself."
Wiz: "Her skills don't only apply to thievery, as she has pulled martial art skills used to rescue the Bad Guys. Fighting off against security guards showed her skills in Jujitsu, Taekwondo, and even Judo, with her disarming them, kicking in a flurry at them, and throwing them over to counter their healock."
Boomstick: "But despite her compassionate nature, Diane fights dirty, what with kicking things around to recishe off and knockout multiple poor suckers, and swiping away your belt and kicking you while your pants are done. Absolutely vile, like not using a coaster for your beverage. You know, some bully did that to me, so I returned the favor. Except I accidentally used my shotgun leg to kick."
Wiz: "Wait, you've had your shotgun leg since you were in school?"
Boomstick: "School? Who said anything about school?"
Wiz: "OOOOOKAAAY, moving on. Well, the most impressive part of her fight was the finishing move. All of the guards in the prison try to jump on her, but the Crimson Paw simply ground pounds her fist, and it cuts to her escaping with the Bad Guys."
Boomstick: "What!? We don't get to see the best part!? There were practically a hundred guards she probably one-shotted, and they just skipped it!? What a cop-out!"
Wiz: "Yeah, I don't think WE should judge what's a cop-out. But what makes this even more impressive is one of these guards was enough to hold Mr. Wolf back. On the top of my head, he's survived a truck ramming into him at full speed and sending him flying through the air."
Boomstick: "But his best feat was spinning Mr. Snake over his head, while he had TWO HUNDRED THOUSANDS GINEAU PIGS in his stomach!! Each of these hamster wannabes can weigh up to 2 and a half pounds. So, factoring in the speed, he must be spinning Snake with a kinetic energy of 2 tons of TNT."
Wiz: "Now, keep in mind, 2 and a half pounds is the high-end of guinea pig weights, and Snake didn't have all of them in his stomach once Wolf began swinging him around. But that's still a superhuman feat by our standards, and to overpower at most a hundred others with the same strength is even more so by this franchise's standards."
We cut to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab.
Boomstick: "Yeah, it's bad enough she can beat you in 18 different ways to Sunday, but she doesn't always come empty-handed. In fact, she has a lot of gadgets at her disposal. Laser-sighted ziplines, radar jammers, cross-circuit interceptors, even James Bond items, like a suitcase that turns into a motorcycle, and a blowtorch disguised as lipstick! This, with the fact it can melt through metal chains, makes it the second manliest lipstick you'll ever see in life!"
Wiz: "Second? Well, what do YOU think is the most manly lipstick?"
Boomstick: "Oh- uh, it's a trade secret. AAAAaaaand that's only the tools we see her and the Bad Guys use! There's way more weapons on her walls!"
Wiz: "No, no, no! I want to know that little trade secret. You really think I'm letting your dignity intact?"
Boomstick sighs and places a brown map on the screen. It shows the blueprint of an underground temple shaped like a dick.
Boomstick: "Here's the Temple of Chest-heir, home to the manliest lip stick that was created by the most ancient tribe ever. Filled to the brim with sharp and steaming hot traps, nothing can penetrate through this long, throbbing challenge."
Wiz: "Why's it shaped like a-"
Boomstick snickered as Wiz starts to connect the dots. He rolls his eyes. He looks back at the map, squinting at the minor details.
Wiz: "Seems easy enough."
Boomstick: "Yeah, I thought s- wait, really?"
Wiz: "As a matter of fact, Diane has all the gadgets she needs to get through this labyrinth. From what I can gather, there's brass knuckles, a bow, ninja stars, nunchucks, and more miscellaneous items that could be deceptive gadgets like James Bond would own. But we only see them on the walls, while the previously mentioned gadgets were used by the characters in the movie. Still, each of them are enough to counter all the traps listed out here."
Boomstick: "Huh."
Boomstick looks at the map, and slowly lowers his eyebrows. Suddenly, he yanks it to the floor, smashing his feet on it in disgrace.
Wiz: "Diane may have given up thievery, but she knew there was some redemption for Mr. Wolf. Not like Marmalade, who was posing as good Samaritan to steal charity money by controlling the 200,000 guinea pigs with a meteorite that as an electric magnetic pulse-" *GASP* "-especially when he pins the steal of the meteorite on the Bad Guys."
Boomstick: "She obviously couldn't stand that, and with their help, she managed to return the money and keep the meteorite out of Marmalade's hands. Still, Diane believes Wolf and the Bad Guys don't deserve prison, even willing to reveal her identity as the Crimson Paw."
Wiz: "But Wolf more than anyone knows she's done enough good for the city. She has earned her redemption all this time, but this adventure proved Diane doesn't need to be on only one side. She can do good inside and outside the law, so real bad guys beware, or you'll be left with a crimson mark."
Boomstick: "Wait a minute. She's been orange this whole time! Where did the crimson come fro-"
Thorn Princess[]
Wiz: "The neighboring countries of Westalis and Ostania are constantly at odds with each other behind the scenes. With spies everywhere exposing and killing politicians, one spy is given an opportunity to obtain peace within the two nations."
Boomstick: "Agent Twilight, practically the definition of 'master of disguise', was assigned to begin Operation Strix, where he forms a fake family to enroll his fake child to a pristine school and befriends the son of [insert name I've forgotten]-" *gasps for breath* "All under the name of Loid Forger! God, that was a mouthful. But like my own, Loid wasn't thrilled about being a father. Still, it's for peace between countries."
Wiz: "His first priority was obtaining a child, the sweet and telepathic Anya, who could read his mind. She's a big fan of spies, so she went along with this complicated plan. All that's left is to obtain a wife. Well, there's also using fake documents insinuating they're a family, but that's typical espionage."
Boomstick: "As if a family of a spy for a father and a telepath for a daughter wasn't enough, they needed to bring a mother into the operation. Like, is this one of those countries who hate gays and trans or something? Well, they somehow end up with an assassin for a mother; Yor Briar. Code name; Thorn Princess."
Wiz: "Even at an early age, she became an assassin to support her family, or rather her brother, throughout the years. Still assigned as a contract killer, she had a cover as a clerk at Berlint City Hall."
Boomstick: "However, everyone of her friends were getting married, and it seemed kind of awkward for a 27 year old woman to still be single. I mean, if it's expected for a man, why not a-"
Wiz: "BOOMSTICK."
Boomstick: "Ahem. Obviously, this fit right in line with Loid's fake family plan. With the bonus of an ambush being thwarted by their sick spy and assassin skills, they knew they were a match made in hell."
Wiz: "You mean heaven."
Boomstick: "No, I didn't. What she wasn't expecting was a motherly relationship with Anya. But who could blame her? Look at this little scamp, there's not a single bad soul within a fiber of her being. It didn't take long for her to protect this fake family like she would with her brother."
Wiz: "The essence of combat has been drilled into Yor's brain since childhood. Even amongst Garden, an assassin group whose members are each capable of wiping out an entire military troop, she is described as especially powerful. In fact, Twilight practically struggles actually fighting her, while she was DRUNK! He was only saved by Yor breaking her own heel."
Boomstick: "Well, that does seem to be a consistent problem for her; she's TOO strong. Not just for her shoes, but for everyone. Twilight got a bleeding scratch from merely dodging a kick from Yor. She could damage trees with a dodgeball, spliced apart a tennis ball with a racquet, and spiked a volleyball into FUCKING SPACE! Impressive, but let's just say it's not healthy for you to get a hug from her."
Wiz: "As it is not yet animated, we have to work with the two panels given to us. With that in mind, however, it does seem like a small timeframe, so let's give it 5 seconds. That would give a kinetic energy of 85.5 tons of TNT!"
Boomstick: "And this is her holding back! Hell, she'd had to be striking with speeds over 400 times faster than sound (Mach 441). That's certainly faster than Twilight, who has dodged bullets. Although, she's not all strength and speed in battle."
Wiz: "Her favorite method of murder is with her Stilettos. While not conventional dagger weapons, they are leaded with poison potent enough to kill an elephant. Yor specializes in stabbing vital spots with these, and can thrust them with great force and precision, as well as anything else she could get her hands on."
Boomstick: "Yor doesn't always need her poison needles for all assassinations, though. She can go hand-to-hand, or rather feet-to-feet with a lot of her attacks are throwing some kicks. She's also proficient in pressure points, three of them being enough to take out another trained assassin, and takedowns, increasing her lethal blows."
Wiz: "I think Yor's greatest skills are her senses. She can sense bloodlust and malice, can sense someone watching her, and could instinctively dodge a spear. However, as much as she can sense things no one else can, Yor doesn't carry a scent, so someone like this fine gentleman with enhanced smell cannot smell her."
Boomstick: "I'm sorry, how do you not carry a scent?"
Wiz: "I don't have the time to explain it to you."
Boomstick is caught off-guard by Wiz's sudden mood shift.
Boomstick: "Jeez, sorry I touched a nerve there. I was just asking."
Wiz: "I put so much work... into figuring it out... all for nothing."
Boomstick: "Well, that's not the only thing she lacks; a weakness to electricity. She literally grabbed a stun baton by the electricity and ignored the pain to throw it right into the attacker's mouth. Jeez, didn't think he'd suck that bad. *snickers* And if you think she might've cut herself with her own poison, don't worry, Yor can just ignore poison gas strong enough to take down a bear. Not to mention, she drank blowfish poison and it felt like a pain reliever."
We cut to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab. Boomstick holds up a test tube with a pitch black and bubbly chemical that could be poison.
Boomstick: "Wait, how does that work? It just removes pain entirely? Oh, I got to try that out!"
Wiz looks at the poison on closer inspection.
Wiz: "Where did you get this?"
Boomstick: "Oh, you left your little chemistry class equipment on our front porch. Welp, bottoms up!"
Wiz: "Wait, don't-"
Boomstick drinks it all but one drop instantly. A little burps comes out of his mouth, while Wiz pulls on his hair.
Boomstick: "Wow, I feel so much... uh, zen. Like, the pain in my stubbed toe is gone."
Wiz, in utter confusion, grabs the tube out of Boomstick's hand and tries to figure out if it's even poisonous to begin with. He tilts it into his mouth with the intention of actually consuming it, but he stops knowing how this would be some dumb Looney Tunes backfire. DUMMI floats by, with Wiz turning his eye towards his robot companion.
DUMMI: "Don't even think about it."
Wiz doesn't care and drops the last drop of the "poison" into DUMMI's little tube. DUMMI starts fizzing out, startling Wiz who quickly pulls out a riot shield. Boomstick, on the other hand, just ignored it, practically entranced in his lack of pain. Instead of exploding, DUMMI just shuts off and falls flat to the floor. Wiz was caught off-guard by the unexpected outcome. He looks at how happy Boomstick is from the poison, then looks back at how DUMMI's body was fried out.
Wiz: "You are one hell of a beast."
Boomstick involuntarily chuckles.
Wiz: "She's done a hell of a lot more than that, though. Yor's shrugs off a car slamming into her at full speed with only a broken nose from the impact, move fast enough her friend Fiona couldn't perceive her actions, and found a hitman in a crowd the moment he pulled out a weapon. Just in general. It was just the sound of the action, I suppose."
Boomstick: "Honestly, her greatest ability is to induce fear into everything, from another highly trained assassin to the Forger's own dog, and even a cat! And believe me, Hell doesn't scare them."
Wiz: "As much as a formidable force Yor is, she can be exploited."
Boomstick: "Ew!"
Wiz: "NO, NO, NO! I meant her aforementioned lack of control for her super strength for example, or her bad cooking!"
Boomstick: "Oh, come on! Like cooking matters in a DEATH BATTLE!
The DEATH BATTLE transition closes.
Boomstick: "NOT YET, NOT YET!! Plus, you seem to like my cooking fine, and I know it tastes like battery acid."
Wiz: (disturbed) "...YOU KNEW...?"
Boomstick: "Well, hate to hit her while she's down, but Yor's also a terrible liar, and her alibis only work through sheer luck. And no matter her resistance to poison, she's a lightweight, always easily drunk with a simple wine bottle. Oh, and she's deathly afraid of bugs."
Wiz: "Nobody is perfect, and trying to keep job a secret from her family can be challenging. But that's nothing new about to the forgers, with Loid's spy work and Anya's telepathy. With a spy, a telepath, and an assassin living under the same roof, hijinks are bound to ensue. However, much like any other family, you don't mess with the mama bear, or Yor will show you why she's a legend among the contract killers."
Fight[]
The scene opens up with a top view of a cup of coffee. It zooms out to show a frosted donut right next to the cup, with the combatants picking up both. We cut to a view showing Diane Foxington taking a bite out of the donut and Yor Forger blowing the heat off her cup at a diner, much like from the opening of The Bad Guys. It cuts to a shot of only Diane taking another bite.
Diane Foxington: (mouthful of donut) "So..."
She raises her finger up to give her a moment to gulp down the donut.
Diane Foxington: "Do you mind telling me why you wanted to speak with the governer (finger quotations) alone?"
A cut to only Yor, sipping her coffee.
Yor Forger: "Well, it's all part of my job. I get a contract, I resolve it. My contract's the Crimson Paw."
Diane Foxington: (mouthful of donut) "Hate to break it to you, but he's locked up-"
Yor pulls out photographs and slap them onto the table. Each of them showing off photos of the Crimson Paw, including one revealing her identity to the Bad Guys, definitely one of the guards she threw behind bars considering said bars are also on the photo. Diane picks up the one photo in absolute terror, her hand trembling and barely holding onto the photo.
Yor Forger: "Does the Crimson Paw REALLY resemble a guinea pig?"
Diane drops the photo and puts her hands up, like she's getting arrested. Yor stabs the photo with her stiletto.
Yor Forger: "Any other contract killer would snuff you out without so much as a heads up. But let it be known, I can relate to such a double life. And I normally take the lives of malicious and cruel criminals, not a governor making her city a better place."
Diane lowers her arms, letting her guard down. She takes a look around the diner, noticing no one is actually working, let alone anyone else eating here. She scoots her foot to leave, but bumps into something that wasn't their before. Diane looks down to see an arm, motionless atop a puddle of blood. Seeing no way out without a fight, Diane quickly grabbed her lipstick lighter and melt the stem of the table.
Yor Forger: "Still, a deal's a deal, and I'd rather kill the Crimson Paw than Governor Foxington."
Diane Foxington: "Well, I won't disappoint."
FIGHT!
The Crimson Paw knees the table, the stem breaking after her lighter burn through it enough, up into the Thorn Princess' face and knocks her over the cushions. She then jumps back and, with a few flips, takes off her suit and reveal her Crimson Paw outfit underneath.
The Thorn Princess leaps from the seats and throws the whole table like a disc straight for the Crimson Paw. She was quick to bounce off it, however, and throw her clothes at the Princess as a distraction. The Thorn Princess pulls out her thorns and cut the clothing to ribbons, but her pose left her open for the Crimson Paw to strike.
And strike she did with a back kick to the Princess' stomach, her coughing out her saliva from the impact. The Crimson Paw follows it up with an elbow jab to the neck and an uppercut to the chin. Unfortunately, the Thorn Princess was able to bounce back and deliver a high kick to the Crimson Paw, stumbling her back.
Within slow-motion, the Crimson Paw looks in horror as a thorn closes in onto her face, narrowly escaping by intentionally falling over. She catches herself with her hands, and kicking the Princess' arm, knocking the thorn out of her hand. The Crimson Paw flips over and catches the thorn, pointing straight at the Princess as if she's challenging her to a fencing duel.
The Thorn Princess decides to play along and accept the duel. They clash thorns together, with each clash either putting forward or backwards. The Princess swirls her thorn around, bringing the Crimson Paw's with it in an attempt to disarm her. But the Crimson Paw was quick to pull back, only to swing it right back at the princess, cutting her arm. The Princess stumbled and slides backwards to gain some distance away, tending to her cut.
The Crimson Paw swings the thorn around like a ring in pride, but she notices the cut on the Thorn Princess' arm. It looked like black tendrils spreading through her veins, though they only go so far without slowing down considerably. With visible concern, she looks back to the thorn in her hand.
Crimson Paw: "Wait... Is this poisoned tip?"
The Thorn Princess wipes her mouth. Her eyes are seen with determination and fearceness.
Thorn Princess: "It doesn't stop at the tip."
The Princess dashes forward thorn tip first towards our orange fox governor. Realizing she's in more danger than she thought, the Crimson Paw dashes backwards, with the incoming tip so close to her eye. In quick succession, the Crimson Paw rotates her thorn around so the handle would be up top, and smashes against the Thorn Princess' wrist. This caused the Princess to lose grip of her remaining thorn, involuntarily tossing it up into the air. And with the Crimson Paw's back so close to the floor, she summoned all her leg strength and picked herself back up so fast, she headbutted the Thorn Princess hard enough to smack her to the floor.
As the flying thorn falls down, the Crimson Paw extends her arm back to catch it. She spins both thorns before putting them aside in her pocket. The Princess was left on the floor, more pissed than hurt. She slams her arms on the ground holstering her up, and delivering a dropkick to the Crimson Paw's gut. The impact was so great, it shattered the glass of the windows instantly and send her across the restaurant, crashing into cushions and tables all the way to the wall.
Without giving her much time to breathe, the Thorn Princess sprints across and slams her arm onto the Crimson Paw's neck, sticking her into a chokehold. She quickly goes for the pocket with her thorns, but the Crimson Paw still fights back with taking the thorns herself before the Princess could. They suddenly have a tug of war for the thorns, neither side faulting up until Diane pulls out her lipstick. Yor was slightly amused by this.
Thorn Princess: (sarcastically) "What, you think that's my color?"
Diane slides it open, and a burst of flame blasts onto Yor's lip. She lets go of Diane to tend to her wound, leaving her open. She dropkicks Yor, knocking her onto the floor and stepping on her stomach, pinning her down.
Crimson Paw: "No. That's why I picked it for you."
Diane sweeps her foot, sending Yor across the surprisingly clean floor and sliding into the soda machine. Climbing up with a splitting headache, Yor decides to take a drink. She pulls out a cup and pours some water and ice into it. Diane was left confused by this, and wonders what she's planning.
Yor takes a sip out of the cup while Diane circles around her, trying to anticipate her next move. After removing her lips from the cup, Yor whips the water and ice out, splashing onto Diane's face and stumbling her back. Regaining balance, the Crimson Paw was left shocked as the Thorn Princess managed to escaper her eyesight.
A sudden black blur comes from the side and blitz Diane, staggering her. Diane was short on breath from that attack, but then Yor strikes again, and again, and again. Her suit has now been covered in tears, even in shorter breath after the vicious blitz. She does a little sniff with her nose.
Crimson Paw: (In her mind) "I can smell everything in here but the assassin. Ridiculous!"
All of a sudden, she notices that her pocket containing the thorns has been torn open, likely from all those blitz moves. This gives Diane an idea, but we don't see it in action as we cut to where Yor is. Yor appears to be within the ceiling in an open ceiling board. A gleam in her eye shines as she once again blitz Diane and take one of the thorns, rushing to another open ceiling board. However, the thorn actually felt too hot, causing Yor immense pain, and ruining her escape with her falling over to the counter.
Yor quickly found out that a little melting heat was on her thorn, which not only gave it a scent, but the third degree burn on her hand as well. Suddenly, a zipline hooks to the register, catching Yor's attention. We see Diane acting casual, like she's not holding the grappling hook or that she put on brass knuckles on her other hand.
Crimson Paw: "Not hard to miss the scent of burning flesh."
She ziplines to the counter, preparing to punch the Thorn Princess in the face with her brass knuckles. With the Crimson Paw zipping straight for her, Yor narrowly ducks down and dodges, leading Diane to land on the wall instead. Diane quickly backflip in an attempt to still land a blow, but unfortunately, Yor caught and gripped the leg. She lifts Diane up and slams her on to the floor, with her head smashing through the (you know, that trap door function you see in fast food restaurants) into pieces in the process.
With the Crimson Paw too battered to move right away, Yor takes back her second thorn, and prepares to close the contract. Her face was blackened in darkness, while emanating a purple glow, with only the pure red eyes showing any recognition of her face.
Thorn Princess: "Shame we have to end it like this."
With enough energy, Diane panics on how to get out of this situation. She sees her zipline is still on the cash register, so she pulls as hard as she can on it. But she soon realize Yor managed to step on the rope to prevent it from reeling in. Her face still under the same fear-striking effects, squints her eyes in disgust.
Thorn Princess: "Nice try."
In a quick motion, Yor bends down and cuts the line with her thorn. However, just as quickly, Diane gets an idea and acts upon it by whipping her line into smacking Yor's eye. Ouch. This stumbles Yor back as she screams in agony. Taking advantage of this, Diane sweeps Yor's leg and quick propels herself to dropkick her to the other side of the café.
Skidding across the café, Yor quickly changes her momentum, charging straight for the Crimson Paw. She grabs the tip jar nearly full of dollars and coins and throws it, practically burning from the speed alone. But Diane catches it no problem. She gently puts it down on the countertop - even pulling out a quarter and putting it in the tip jar. This leaves her open for Yor to tackle her and pin her to the floor.
Diane struggles for her life holding back Yor's arms from piercing her skin with the thorns. Yor's face reeks of rage, her frown excessively striking as she tries her damn hardest to close the contract. The force of her arms were too much for Diane to hold back for any longer. So, she lets go of the force of Yor's right arm, which plummets her thorn straight to piercing the floor, becoming immovable by how deep it went.
Yor pulls as hard as she could to pull out, which is gradually working, but Daine took advantage of her open window and grabs her arm and take the thorn out of her hand. Diane throws Yor over her shoulder and slams her onto the ground, seemingly disorienting her from reacting to anything. With the thorn in her hand, Diane tries to give Yor a taste of her own poison. However, Yor somehow spins her whole body around just in time to dodge the thorn. In a cruel twist of fate, the thorn Diane used ends up being stuck in the floor like the other one. The Crimson Paw was astonished.
Crimson Paw: "What the-!?"
The Thorn Princess quickly sweeps her leg into Diane's face. The blow blew all the air out of the café and breaking all the window, launching Diane right out the door. Yor grabs the thorns and rips them from the ground. She walks over the counter wasting no more time going straight for the kill. However, Diane quickly grabs a suit case she tries hitting Yor's chin with. She dodges easily, but the suitcase quickly transforms into a motorcycle, with the back wheel doing the hit instead, stumbling the Thorn Princess back.
Diane spins the whole motorcycle around her body, knocking Yor to the other side of the café. Diane on the motorcycle rams into Yor out of the already broken window and runs down the parking lot. Recovering from the staggering blows, Yor quickly tries piercing through Diane skin with her thorns, only scraping her suit with how fast the Crimson Paw manages to dodge. They continue with this, passing by several unmanned parked cars - up until Diane gets too close to a car and ducks down, a side-view mirror smacking Yor over the back of the head off the bike.
Yor lands safely lands on her feet, seeing Diane drive around her in circles. The Thorn Princess stances a pose, ready for Diane to drive her motorcycle by Yor to deliver a blow. She did just that, and Yor was prepared with her own. She manages to cut through the shoulder of Diane's leather suit, much to her displeasure, and the Crimson Paw managed to punch the Thorn Princess' chin, leaving it slightly fractured. In response, she puts away her thorns for a moment and grabs her earrings.
Crimson Paw: (frantically) "Can nothing stop this mad woman?"
She pulls out her grappling hook and her lipstick torch. She looks at them from side to side, but mainly focuses on the grappling hook cut-off rope.
Crimson Paw: "I may have a shot."
Meanwhile, Yor prioritizes the area Diane's bike is going to go, and throws her earrings straight for the area. With Diane distracted by her 'one-shot', the earrings directly pop the front tire, taking away the cycle's control. The Thorn Princess sees a big windowless van and kicks it, violently tumbling straight towards Governor Foxington. Diane notices the bigger danger in time, quickly turning it back into a suitcase and slides said suitcase on the ground, going under the slamming car, which slams into other cars and exploded.
She jumps up with her suitcase transforming back into a motorcycle, but the Thorn Princess was there to intervein. She kicks straight through the machine and blasts Diane up to the sky. Planning to finish the job, she jumps on the hood of another car, said hood launching her further into the air. With the Crimson Paw flailing her arms out all over (with the blowtorch and zipliner in hand, something Yor didn't notice), the Thorn Princess pulls out her thorns, ready to skewer the bitch.
SHING!
Yor slashes through Diane easily...
....
...or so she thought. Smelling a familiar scent, she realizes both of her thorns were MELTED IN HALF.
Thorn Princess: "Impossible!"
Cutting to the Crimson Paw, she sticks one of the melted thorns to her metal rope, fusing together as the heat cools off. She loads the grappling hook and aims straight at the Thorn Princess' back, with the laser-guild obviously helping. Pulling the trigger, the thorn shoots straight for Yor's back, and pierces through, like a hot knife through butter (probably helped the thorn was still hot).
Thorn Princess: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHHH!!!"
With her opponent grappled, Diane yoinks the chain, sending Yor down to the café, slamming on it's roof. With her own fall speed gaining, the Crimson Paw extends her arm, ready to land a punch right for the Thorn Princess. However, we don't see the blow, as we cut to outside the parking lot. But the blow was strong enough to send a shockwave that shook the screen.
We see Diane looking over Yor's almost lifeless body, pulling out her wallet. Opening it, she sees a family photo of Yor, Anya, Bond, and Loid Forger, someone Diane instantly recognizes.
Crimson Paw: "I'll send my condolences to your family. Especially your little girl."
Thorn Princess: "thank... you..."
Yor's hand stopped moving.
Diane Foxington pulls out her phone and calls someone.
Loid Forger: (through the phone) "Hello?"
Diane Foxington: "I regret to inform you your wife has been killed. Hope her funeral doesn't hinder your plan... ...Twilight."
Results[]
K.O!
Boomstick: "Well, the only thing crimson here is that soaked dress."
Wiz: "This matchup seemed really one-sided at first glance. Yor would obviously be the better combatant, as she is revered among contract killers as a legend."
Boomstick: "Sure, Diane has the thieving skills of all the Bad Guys combined and is fairly skilled in fighting, but Yor's been doing this since childhood, giving much more experience than for however long the Crimson Paw has been doing this. Not to mention, her poison thorns would have ended the fight earlier than what's suitable for entertainment purposes, and Diane had no defense against them. So, what gives?"
Wiz: "The devil is in the details. First off, Yor's strength of 90 tons of TNT is impressive in hindsight, but believe it or not, Diane could match that."
Boomstick: "No way."
Wiz: "Each of the security guards could hold back Mr. Wolf, who spun Mr. Snake and 200,000 guinea pigs with maximum kinetic energy of 2 tons. Then, Diane proceeded to one-shot what we assume to be 100 guards at once. At the very least, Diane could match Yor in strength."
Boomstick: "Alright, fair enough. Plus, it's hard enough for Yor to control her own strength, and YOU expected her to control the same strength from someone else? Heh heh. Even if that's a really big high ball for the Crimson Paw, nothing in Spy × Family had anyone ever endured the same level of power Yor displays, especially not her. The same kind of truck slamming into Yor giving her a bloody nose, have unscathed characters Diane is comparable to, like Mr. Wolf after being sent flying from the impact."
Wiz: "There's another factor to this feat that the Crimson Paw has surpassed; speed. Hitting the volleyball in such a short timeframe would mean the Thorn Princess' arm must have been moving at Mach 441. However, Diane has managed to steal back her ring from Mr. Wolf without him knowing, who could react to twenty percent the speed of light. That is 400 times faster than Yor's arm swing, meaning Diane could keep on dodging the thorns for as long as the Thorn Princess could keep swinging."
Boomstick: "And given her own martial arts skills, the speed would be enough to counter Yor's more professional skills. Yor could always go for stealth, as she remains odorless to even that superior fox nose on Foxington, but with such a speed difference, it's hard for her to remain offensive for long."
Wiz: "It didn't help her that Diane had a lot of James Bond-esque weapons on hand. Yor is very inefficient around lies, be it about telling lies herself, or seeing past them, so to have a deceptive arsenal on hand, Diane would certainly have fooled her opponent as she fooled the outcome.
We cut to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab.
Wiz: "Yor Forger certainly would've had made this quick and easy, but Diane Foxington's deceptive arsenal, tremendous speed, and potentially equal strength stopped the contract killing legend in her tracks."
Boomstick: "Her death was forged by a Foxing-TON!!"
Wiz: "The winner is Diane Foxington."
Advantages and Disadvantages[]
- Diane Foxington
- + Way faster
- + Could potentially match opponent in strength and skill
- + Deceptive arsenal
- - Thorns would've been certain death
- Yor Forger
- + Far more experienced and skilled
- + Prominent weapons could end the fight early
- - Not used to foes who can match her strength
- - Not fast enough
Soundtrack[]
The cover name would be "Crimson Thorns".
The track cover would have dozens of Yor's stilettos surrounding the entire lower half of the template like spikes, with the Zenpangu Diamond ring nearly fallen into the spikes, only saved by the tips of a furry orange hand. All while Diane's motorcycle smashes through the window from the Spy × Family opening in the background.
Trivia[]
- The connections between the two are they're kind, law-abiding women who live double lives as infamous criminals (The Crimson Paw and Thorn Princess) who get themselves entangled with other infamous criminals (The Bad Guys and Agent Twilight)
- I was originally going to make Elektra Yor's opponent, but outside of a cool fight, there was no substantial weight to that MU. This made much more sense.
- This fight would be animated in sprites with occasional hand-drawn moments, or it could be completely hand-drawn.
