| Destroyman VS Homelander | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Season | 1 |
| Season Episode | 12 |
| Air date | 29th May, 2024 |
| Written by | Unbacked0 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Kinnikuman VS Tiger Mask (Completed) |
Next Mukai VS Wamuu (Completed) |
| “ | No More Heroes VS The Boys! Two of fiction's most two-faced superheroes of all time. | „ |
Destroyman VS Homelander is a what-if Death Battle by Unbacked0. It features Destroyman from the No More Heroes series and Homelander from The Boys series in a battle.
Note: For fairness, Destroyman will be limited to his No More Heroes 1 & 2 incarnations.
Description[]
No More Heroes VS The Boys! A battle between the two-faced and deeply horrific mockeries of everything that means to be a superhero to see who is the best killer.
Introduction[]
Wiz: In this world, there exist superheroes who fight to protect those around them and there exists those who commit evil while wearing the mask of a hero.
Boomstick: Like Destroyman, the 7th ranked assassin of the UAA...
Wiz: And Homelander, the poster boy of the Seven.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Destroyman[]
Boomstick: Santa Destroy, the number one shithole in the south-side of the United States, their main exports are super low gas prices, cheap VHS porn and a shit-ton of murderous psychopaths.
Wiz: Initially starting as a scam in the guise of an underground organisation, the United Assassin's Association was the main exporter of violent murderers killing each other for the entertainment of few and the financial benefit of even less. The assassins would be ranked with everyone wanting to be Rank number 1.
Boomstick: You'd have to be the sickest freak to even think about killing people for negative money but Santa Destroy is full of them.
Wiz: And the superhero and 7th ranked assassin, Destroyman, is at the top of the list of being the biggest psychopaths.
Background:
- Real name: John Harnet
- Alias: Destroyman
- Age: 31
- Rank: #7
- Is his own best friend.
- Loves shouting out names.
Wiz: Destroyman's true identity is humble, and massively deranged, 28-year-old postal worker, John Harnet. Aside from his name, non-assassin occupation and age, he's one big mystery.
Boomstick: Which is probably for the best, I'd do want to see the fucked up skeletons in his closet.
Wiz: What is known aside from the basics is that he dresses up in a special suit known as the SFX Converter, turning him into the superhero Destroyman, like Clark Kent into Superman.
SFX Converter:
- Strength, speed & durability enhancing superhero suit
- Electrical gloves
- Head, hand & crouch laser cannons
- Nipple-mounted machine guns
- Cable-based flight
Boomstick: Aside from making him look like a jackass, the suit lets him shoot lasers beams from his head and energy balls from his hands, electricity from his hands and machine guns from his nipples. No really.
Wiz: These abilities seem to be voice activated with certain phrases leading to certain aspects of the suit activating.
Boomstick: Oh, please, we all know he's only yelling the moves because he thinks they're cool.
*Cuts to footage of Destroyman's boss battle in No More Heroes 1.*
Destroyman: Destroy Cannon! Destroy Beam! Destroy Pound! Destroy Spark!
Wiz: Practically every inch of the SFX Converter suit is weaponised.
Boomstick: Even the crouch.
Wiz: ... Yes, even his crouch.
Boomstick: Okay, I've got to ask, why does he dress like discount Superman?
Wiz: Two reasons, one, to appeal to John's innate egomaniacal nature by dressing up as someone who appears to be more righteous than anyone he could face, and two, to put anyone he comes across into a false sense of security, that Destroyman is some honourable figure, which is perfect to lure any 8th rank assassin into Destroyman's trap.
Boomstick: See, Destroyman is one big snake who'd totally pretend, he's not above begging for his life or turning a friendly handshake into a less than friendly tasing session.
Wiz: As the old adage says, "to stab someone in the back, you must first get behind them".
Boomstick: Well yeah, no duh.
Wiz: Ugh. Anyways, Destroyman's assassin days all came to an end when the future rank 1 assassin, Travis Touchdown, came in, saw through Destroyman's ruse...
Boomstick And saw through Destroyman's body with his not-lightsabre, cutting him clean in two. Or so we thought.
Wiz: Somehow, Destroyman managed to survive his encounter and come back ever stronger. Using cybernetic enhancements, Destroyman had both halves of his body fitted with a robotic half and the two became known as New Destroyman.
New Destroyman:
- Cyberneticly enhanced body
- Full flight
- Forcefields
- Tag team attack
- Healing each other
Boomstick: New Destroyman is stronger than Old Destroyman and twice as deadly. Hehe...
Wiz: Aside from a half cybernetic body on each of them, they both have more advanced technology, allowing them to actually be able to fly through the air rather than with thin cables and project forcefields to protect them from attacks.
Boomstick: The two became the biggest tag team in all of Santa Destroy with them even crossing their Destroy Buster streams to shoot one laser ball that's their deadliest attack.
Wiz: But the biggest change to Destroyman is his psychology.
Boomstick: As it turns out, being cut in half changes a man, well more than just making them half the man they were before.
Wiz: The Destroymen each have their personality changed with the Destroyman with the red-eyed Destroyman being more openly heroic and more of a decent person, even if he is willing to trick you, and the blue-eyed Destroyman being more lecherous, perverted and disturbed with him often staying away to land sneak attacks with him only being drawn out into the open when forced to.
Boomstick: There's a reason why they're two of the best assassins in all of the UAA.
Feats:
- Fought evenly with Travis Touchdown and Shinobu.
- Ripped off Shinobu's prosthetic hand.
- Became the 7th Ranked Assassin in the UAA.
- Survived being cut in half and stabbed through the chest.
Wiz: Their best feats come from their showdown against the Crownless King, Travis Touchdown. Even at Travis' weakest, he is able to survive being blown up by mines and multiple grenades and even shake off a massive explosion from the mech Letz Shake blowing up in his face.
Boomstick: And that was just Travis during their first fight, the next batch of assassins in the UAA are so much stronger.
Wiz: This includes the Rank 3 assassin, Captain Vladimir whose laser was able to cut through a military satellite. Measuring the size of the laser when compared to the which is worth over thirty-two kilotons of TNT.
Boomstick: And Travis was able to dodge these types of beams that could move at nearly three-thousand five-hundred times the speed of sound.
Wiz: Even just looking at Destroyman, he's really tough.
Boomstick: Yeah, he's able to shake off being stabbed through the chest and somehow didn't die from being cut in half. Superheroes, I am right?
Wiz: While Destroyman is as hard to put down as a cockroach, he isn't invincible...
Weaknesses:
- Over relies on tricks.
- New Destroyman can accidentally hit each other.
- Attacks are telegraphed.
Wiz: Even ignoring his two on-screen losses, Destroyman's tricks aren't perfect and can be predicted if someone's smart enough and most of his gimmicks only work the one time.
Boomstick: And it's kinda hard to be sneaky when you've gotta yell all of your attack names whenever you want to use them. And that's ignoring how Destroyman's a coward who leans on being smarter than everyone which ended with both him and his other half being blown up by Shinobu.
Wiz: Both halves reunited in death, Destroyman's tricks failed to work on the young blood pumped into the crazy assassin world.
Boomstick: Or, you know, that's what we would say if Destroyman wasn't absolutely still alive and planning to making his next appearance in No More Heroes 3, and when he does, he'll be stronger, faster and relying on all of the same tricks.
Wiz: There may be no more heroes left in the world, but Destroyman is one villain that will always exist.
Homelander[]
Boomstick: Look! To the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Sup...
Wiz: It's Homelander!
Boomstick: Yeah... What I was going to say...
Wiz: Real name John, Homelander is the poster boy for everything that a superhero should be with full market support of the Vought International mega-corporation.
Boomstick: Born on an alien planet, Homelander was sent to Earth before his planet blew up before being raised by normal people who taught him about the values of truth, justice and the American way, turning him into a superhero.
Wiz: Or so Vought would like you to believe. In actuality, Homelander is the biggest menace in the world.
Background:
- Real name: John
- Alias: Homelander
- Age: 57
- Rank: #1
- Leader of the Seven.
- THE
(most bullied)evil Superman.
Boomstick: Homelander was created in a lab by Vought to be the company's new face, someone they could slap the likeness of on to sell merchandise.
Wiz: From the moment he was born, Homelander was trained to not only be the world's most effective killer but also as a spokesperson whose very image inspires the people of the world... To spend their money in Vought owned stores.
Boomstick: While making the company billions, Homelander goes around showing off to investors just how strong Vought's experiments are.
Compound V:
- Superhuman strength, speed & durability
- Enhanced senses
- Flight
- Laser vision
- X-ray vision
- Sonic screams
Wiz: The source of Homelander's power is a special drug created by Vought named Compound V, granting Homelander strength, speed and durability far beyond anything that any normal person is able to do. Making Homelander strong enough to punch a hole through a person's body or throw a military-grade jet fighter.
Boomstick: Homelander can fly through the air at speeds faster than sound, because you know, he's a Superman.
Wiz: Every part of Homelander's body is greatly enhanced, allowing Homelander to unleash an earsplitting shockwave with a scream, to hear the faintest of heartbeats, to determine someone's current emotional state, and see through walls solid walls.
Boomstick: Not that he needs x-ray vision to see through walls since he can just burn a hole through them with his laser vision which is hot enough to cut through planes or even crowds of people, you know, 'cause he's a psychopath. And just like every psychopath, he got to be put in a position of power, being the leader of Vought's superhero squad, the Seven.
Wiz: While Homelander pretends and grandstands to be the noble superhero who would protect the world from supervillains, however, in actuality, Homelander is just murdering criminals and saving people if there are cameras around. Since birth, this was what Homelander was raised to be, a walking God to act as a PR campaign and this messed up childhood caused Homelander to have an intense need for the adoration of everyone and the need to control his own life.
Boomstick: And you can imagine how fucked up of a human being this made him. Homelander is basically the abusive dad of the Seven because people fearing your strength is the same as people liking you. And if there's any jobs that Homelanders messes up, well, time to for some civilian casualties.
Feats:
- Is the strongest Supe in the world.
- Survived a power plant explosion.
- Flew faster than an explosion.
- Killed Queen Meave.
Wiz: And the scary thing is, Homelander, through both political power and pure strength, was able to get away with this. Homelander was so powerful that Vought had to keep a hydrogen bomb on him to keep him under their thumb. Because Homelander was experimented on with Compound V before he was even born, he is the strongest Supe to exist, being far stronger than practically anyone else.
Boomstick: This includes people like the Crimson Countess who can melt tanks with her powers.
Wiz: Which would require nearly fifteen tons of TNT in order to pull off, and keep in mind, even experts on the matter compare Supes of this era to sticks of dynamite and Homelander to nukes so Homelander is vastly stronger than even this.
Boomstick: He was even tough enough to tank a massive chemical plant explosion with nothing more than a few cuts and fly fast at Mach 5 to dodge a point-blank explosion.
Wiz: However, the biggest feat Homelander ever pulled off was using his charisma and force of will to form an army of Supes to take over the United States. After realising what a monster he truly was, to the point of blacking out and waking up to find the various horrible deeds he committed through various pictures he'd wake up with, Homelander snapped and decided he could literally do anything he wanted, even taking over the White House.
Boomstick: Or so he thought.
Weaknesses:
- Is mentally unstable and insecure.
- Has little combat experience.
Wiz: Homelander's lack of care led to his destruction in multiple ways.
Boomstick: Not only did he piss off the English version of the Punisher, Billy Butcher, into becoming an anti-Supe killer, but boy was he overconfident in his own idea of world conquest.
Wiz: While Homelander managed to kill the President and take a seat in the Oval Office, not only was Homelander Supe army being wiped out by the military, but Homelander learned one of the most shocking discoveries in his life. That he wasn't the only Homelander out there.
Boomstick: Plot twist, local Batman wannabee and member of the Seven, Black Noir, was actually a clone of Homelander and all of those horrible things he did when he passes out were actually Black Noir doing before taking pictures and making Homelander think he did to break him down mentally.
Wiz: Homelander received the biggest wake-up call in his life when Black Noir almost literally punched the brains out of his skull in a second.
Boomstick: But hey, he fucked up Black Noir enough so that the military and Billy could kill him, always knew that Homelander guy was a team player.
Wiz: While Homelander's life may have been a toy to be manipulated and played with, the fact that it took the military and one of the biggest companies in the world to get him killed, it goes to show how Homelander is as big of a threat as he knew he was.
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLEEEEE!!!
Fight[]
The scene opens on a Vought trailer set. Homelander was standing around with a script in one hand and a coffee in his other as staff were walking, preparing for a Homelander event in Santa Destroy.
Homelander: "Can't believe I have to do some PSA level bullshit in America's shittiest town."
Homelander said as he was reading a script and taking a sip of his coffee.
???: "Excuse me, Mr. Homelander."
Homelander turned to look at the small woman who spoke to him in a French accent. The woman was wearing a ladies' business suit with the shirt open, exposing her entire bra.
Homelander: "If you're here for a contract deal, speak with literally anyone else."
Homelander dismissed her as he turned around. He soon felt a hand grab onto his shoulder.
In an instant, Homelander grabbed onto the hand. He turned his head and glared at the woman, his eyes glowing red.
???: "I am only here to give you a warning."
The woman said, not an ounce of fear heard in her voice.
Homelander: "A warning?"
Homelander let go of the woman's hand before turning around fully.
Homelander: "If that fucking cockney thinks he can kill me in front of everyone, he can come at me."
Homelander said as the intensity of the glow in his eyes grew.
???: "I am not referring to Mister Butcher. There is an assassin here to claim your life."
The woman explained, surprising Homelander.
Homelander: "An assassin? Is there anyone alive dumb enough to take a shot at me?"
Homelander asked.
???: "The type of assassin I'm referring to is a local and quite different to what you are thinking of."
The woman handed Homelander a business card with her face and full name.
Sylvia: "I am with the United Assassins Association and our 7th ranked assassin is currently planning to take your life."
Sylvia explained before Homelander walked up to Sylvia and got at eye level with her.
Homelander: "Then. Call. Him. Off."
Homelander bluntly ordered as he held Sylvia's neck, barely putting any force to avoid choking her.
Sylvia: "Unfortunately, our assassins are left to their own. If Rank 7 wishes to kill you, that is their choice."
As Sylvia spoke, Homelander focused his hearing on her heart. Despite him holding her by her throat and the obvious strength gap between the two, Sylvia's heartbeat was still calm and stable, much to Homelander's surprise.
Homelander: "Fine, but after I kill your little pet, I'm tearing your little club with my bare hands."
Homelander let go of Sylvia's neck and walked away.
Homelander: "Fuckin' freak."
Homelander muttered before flying away.
The scene then cuts to a public park bench. Billy Butcher is sitting on a park bench, looking down at his watch, clearly waiting for something or someone to show up.
???: "Excuse me, are you Mister Butcher?"
Billy turned and saw an average-looking postman standing there. While his build was bigger than the average person, they weren't physically imposing to anyone but despite this, Billy was feeling a vibration shake the air from the single sentence that the postman said.
Billy: "You the UAA assassin?"
Billy asked, trying to figure out how much of a threat the stranger was.
???: "Naturally."
The man said as he slightly bowed to Billy.
Billy: "So, you think you can kill Homelander at the new press event?"
In an instant, Billy saw the postman give off a sinister smile before putting back on a stoic expression.
???: "I'll bring an end to Mister Homelander. Just as you requested."
The postman turned around and walked away, walking alongside the other people in the park. When the man was being blocked from Billy's view, he completely vanished without a trace.
As soon as he was gone, Billy sat down on the bench and pulled out his phone, waiting to watch the fight unfold.
Billy: "You might be as bad as he is..."
The scene cuts back to the Vought event, the stage was completely empty and there was a packed crowd filled with reporters and civilians ready to see Homelander arrive.
A sonic boom was heard as Homelander flew in from the horizon, slowing down as he approached the stage before coming to a halt and floating a few inches above the stage floor.
Homelander: "Greetings citizen of Santa Destroy, it is I, Homelander."
Homelander spoke, using a small amount of his enhanced voice instead of a microphone.
Homelander: I sound like such a douche, I'll fucking kill the script writer.
Homelander thought to himself as he smiled and waved.
Before he could continue his speech, smoke started to fill the stage.
???: "Not so fast, Homelander!"
From the crowd's perspective, Destroyman had just appeared from nowhere, however, Homelander's superhuman senses let him hear and see through the fog and notice the stage lift.
Destroyman appeared from the smoke, revealing himself to the crowd with a microphone headset attached to his helmet, letting him speak to the crowd. The crowd was in shock, confused if this was a part of the event or not.
Homelander: Sylvia, if this is your 7th ranked assassin, then butchering your little group will be easier than I thought.
Homelander thought to himself as he looked at the other superhero and had an idea.
Homelander: Time for some good PR.
Homelander thought to himself.
Homelander: "Stay back citizens, this villain is here to do you harm."
Homelander yelled, causing the crowd to become distressed with some even running away.
Destroyman: "Ha, we both know you're the real villain here. I am here to defeat you and put an end to your tyranny."
Destroyman proclaimed as he pointed at Homelander.
Homelander: "Me, a villain? Hardly, you're trying to fool everyone."
Homelander spoke back, pointing at Destroyman just as he did.
Destroyman: "If you aren't the villain I think you are, then go ahead and shake my hand to prove yourself an honourable fighter."
Destroyman said as he reached his hand forward.
Homelander: What's your game?
Homelander lowered himself to the ground and walked forward before listening to his heartbeat which began to speed up when Homelander got closer.
Homelander: Either you're a really bad liar or you just realised you're the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.
Homelander reached out and grabbed Destroyman's hand.
Destroyman: "Destroy Spark..."
Destroyman whispered under his breath, causing a vast shock to travel through his suit's gloves and into Homelander's hand, repeatedly electrocuting him as Homelander and Destroyman's hands held onto each other.
Homelander: "Arghh!"
Homelander yelled out as his body was being lightly fried by the electricity.
After a few seconds, Homelander fell to one knee, his hand limply clinging to Destroyman's as the electricity ceased.
Destroyman: "Hehe... HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, are you stupid, are you denser than lead, do you even have a brain? How could you even fall for that? HAHAHA!"
Destroyman continued to laugh as Homelander's seemingly unconscious body remained still. When Destroyman lifted his hand away from Homelander's, his hand shot up and grabbed onto Destroyman's hand, gripping it tightly as Homelander stared him in the eye.
Homelander: "I don't think so."
Homelander stood up and lifted Destroyman up by his hand, tossing him into one of the support frames on the side of the stage, Destroyman hitting it hard with a large metal clank.
Destroyman got to his feet, shaking off the impact as he pointed his finger at Homelander.
Destroyman: "You're as good as dead."
Destroyman said as his right eye glowed a bright red.
Fight!
Homelander flew at Destroyman, readying his fist for a punch. Destroyman pulled his hands back before bringing them together, a ball of energy starting to form.
Destroyman: "Destroy Cannon!"
Destroyman thrusts his palms forward, launching the energy ball at Homelander. The energy would hit Homelander's head and explode, launching Homelander back and crashing into one of the support pillars of the stage, leaving a large dent in it.
Homelander sat up and shook his head.
Homelander: "The fuck?"
After shaking off any shock or damage, Homelander's eyes started to glow a bright red before a laser shoot out of them, aimed directly towards Destroyman. Destroyman saw the laser coming and aimed the two laser cannons on his head at the beam.
Destroyman: "Destroy Beam!"
Two green lasers would shoot from his head-mounted cannons and clash with the red beams from Homelander's eyes. The beams would continue to clash until Homelander tilted his head out of the way, letting the Destroy Beam travel past his head before flying into the air.
Destroyman looked up in an attempt to find Homelander, however, Homelander flew in the path of the Sun, making it hard for Destroyman to see him past the immensely bright Texas Sun. Homelander completely disappeared from sight in the blue sky.
Destroyman looked around the sky, expecting Homelander to either dive-bomb directly towards him or shoot more eye lasers. What Destroyman couldn't see was Homelander flying along the sky and out of Destroyman's point of view before flying down to ground level and directly towards Destroyman.
Right before Homelander reached Destroyman, he heard the sound of something flying towards him. Destroyman turned his head and saw Homelander right in front of him before being punched in the face, knocking a few of Destroyman's teeth out of his mouth before launching him through the paper sign of the stage.
As Destroyman was sent hurtling through the air, Homelander flew after him and grabbed Destroyman by the throat, holding him still high in the air.
Homelander: "Any last words, you little ass clown?"
Homelander threatened as his eyes glowed, his grip tightening.
Instead of speaking, Destroyman used one of his hands to pull at Homelander's hand that was strangling him, prying his fingers loose enough to speak before Destroyman shoved his other hand to Homelander's face.
Destroyman: "Destroy Spark..."
As Destroyman managed to barely whisper out the line, a sudden high voltage was sent from his glove directly into Homelander's face. Homelander let go of Destroyman and began to clutch his face in pain as Destroyman fell down.
After letting go of his face, Homelander looked down towards the ground, trying to find where Destroyman had landed. Homelander focused his senses and saw a fluttering white cape disappear behind the corner of a warehouse.
Homelander: "Don't make it too easy for me now..."
The scene cuts back to Destroyman who is running away, trying to figure out a better, more sneaky method of attack.
Destroyman: "Heh, stupid little fu-"
Destroyman mocked Homelander as he looked back in his direction before bumping into something, a flying Homelander who had caught up to him.
Homelander: "You know I can hear you, right?"
Homelander said as he hovered over Destroyman. Destroyman quickly put his hands behind him, ready to charge up his Destroy Cannon to attack.
Destroyman: "Destro-"
Before Destroyman can finish his sentence, Homelander grabs Destroyman's jaw, preventing him from being able to speak.
Homelander: "I don't fucking think so."
Homelander then quickly flew against the nearest wall, pressing Destroyman's skull against it, literally putting him between a rock and a hard place. Homelander continued to press on Destroyman's head, cracks starting to form on both Destroyman's mask and the wall behind him.
This continued until the wall crumbled, Homelander pushing right through it before throwing Destroyman into the warehouse. Not wanting to give up on the assault, Homelander charged up his laser vision and shot it towards Destroyman who was laying on his back.
Destroyman quickly rolled onto his side before blocking the laser with his forearm before rolling aside and behind a set of steel shelves. Destroyman grabbed onto his jaw that Homelander had almost crushed, it was still mostly intact but Homelander had dislocated it, making it impossible for him to make coherent sentences.
Destroyman: Ugh, dammit.
Destroyman thought to himself as he pushed against his jaw, trying to force it up and his jawbone back into place.
Suddenly, the shelving units shattered, sending their contents flying as Homelander's body broke through without needing to do anything besides press his body against it.
Destroyman stumbled backwards as he pressed against his jaw with his hands, finally snapping it back in place. As this happened, Homelander flew up from behind and grabbed Destroyman's back, digging his hands into it.
Destroyman: "Ahhh..."
Destroyman cried out.
Homelander: "Oh don't bitch out on me, you're a killer, aren't you?"
Homelander said as he tightened his grip, drawing blood as he started to dig his fingers closer to Destroyman's bones.
Destroyman: "Help..."
Destroyman meekly cried out.
Homelander: "I'm sorry, did you say something?"
Homelander said in a mocking tone, listening to Destroyman's heart pump so fast that it sounded like it would rupture.
Destroyman: "Help!"
Destroyman yelled.
Homelander: "Alright fine, this is your last chance, chuckle fuck."
Homelander pulled his fingers out and let Destroyman hit the floor.
As Homelander turned to fly away from Destroyman, Destroyman smirked as he stood back up, as tall as possible before activating the turrets in his chest.
Homelander heard the gun's cock before being shot at with a hail of bullets. None of them were doing more than slightly hurting him.
Homelander: "I swear... Why don't you people ever learn?!"
Homelander yelled out.
As Homelander was getting increasingly annoyed, Destroyman started to charge up his strongest attack.
Destroyman: "DESTROY... BUSTER!"
Destroyman thrust his waist forward, firing a massive laser directly at Homelander, forcing him against the warehouse wall before breaking through it and sending him flying.
Eventually, the laser knocked Homelander out of its range but the laser had dealt damage to him. Homelander was bleeding from both of his nostrils, his eyes were bloodshot, several strands of his perfect hair were singed and the front part of his costume was burnt open.
Homelander: "He's going to fucking pay!"
Homelander bolted down straight to Destroyman's location, flying faster than he ever had before, so fast that a sonic boom went off. Homelander flew through the hole he was launched out of and back into the warehouse before crashing straight into Destroyman, forcing him to the ground.
Destroyman: "Destroy Be-"
Destroyman tried to speak before Homelander forced his hands around Destroyman's throat and started to shoot his lasers into Destroyman's face. All Destroyman could do was raise his arm up to block the laser.
Homelander: "I am so done with you and your little shit hole of a club. Who do you think you are? A weak little assassin who isn't even the best in his little town. You're 7th, I'm fucking first! So fall in line!"
At this point, the heat from Homelander's laser vision had set Destroyman's mask on fire. Homelander let go of Destroyman's neck and floated off of his body.
Homelander: "Burn in Hell."
Homelander bluntly said, staring at Destroyman's body, the flames spreading all the way across the left side of his entire body.
Just as Homelander was about to fly off, a blue laser beam shot out and hit him in the head.
Homelander looked out to see what had shot him and saw a second Destroyman leaning against the wall, only the left side of his body being visible to Homelander.
Homelander: "Who the fuck are you?"
Homelander asked.
Destroyman?: "'Who are you?' He says. I thought I told you who I was earlier but I guess you're just too dumb for basic words to stick."
The new Destroyman spoke before turning his head, revealing that the right side of his entire body was robotic with a glowing blue eye.
Destroyman?: "I'm Destroyman."
The second Destroyman said while pointing his robotic thumb at his chest.
As this was happening, Homelander focused his hearing on the second Destroyman's chest, trying to find a heartbeat.
Homelander: Where is it? He isn't actually a robot, so where the fuck is his heart?!
As Homelander was using his enhanced senses, he started to hear another heartbeat from the opposite direction, from the still-burning body.
The burning body sat up straight.
Destroyman: "About time you showed up. Seriously, do you have any idea how annoying it is to fight this guy?"
The first Destroyman said as he grabbed the burning part of his costume and tore it off, revealing his cybernetic left half with a glowing robotic red eye.
The red-eyed Destroyman then got up and walked to his blue-eyed counterpart before they shook hands. Homelander was left stunned by the sight before him.
Homelander: "Wait a second, this is some weird trick, right? You can't actually be the same guy."
Homelander said as he shook his head.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Well, you see, I got into a little fight and it ended with a little accident that turned me into..."
The red-eyed Destroyman gestured to both himself and "himself".
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Us."
The second Destroyman finished the sentence, gesturing his arm in a similar manner.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "But both of us running around at the same time would cause... Problems. So I take on the public roles as the face..."
The red-eyed Destroyman spoke.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "And I help him kick that shit out of him as a shit heel. Hehehe..."
The other Destroyman laughed, causing both of their robotic eyes to glow.
Homelander put his hands to his head, clearly annoyed and frustrated by the whole situation.
Homelander: "I don't care if there's one of you, two of you or a fucking million of you, I am killing all of you!
Homelander said as he readied himself to pounce at the Destroymen.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Don't worry about that because..."
One of the new Destroymen spoke as he placed his back against the other Destroyman.
Red-eyed Destroyman & Blue-eyed Destroyman: "We're going to kill you twice over."
The two pointed their arms at Homelander at the exact same moment.
Homelander fully took off, flying directly towards the two of them, both of his fists extended out, ready to punch a hole through their heads. The red-eyed Destroyman responded by stepping forward and forming a forcefield in front of him which Homelander slammed into.
The second Homelander was distracted, the blue-eyed Destroyman circled around Homelander and put him in a full nelson, pinning Homelander's above his head. While Homelander's guard was open, the red-eyed Destroyman started to punch Homelander in the chest over and over again. The red-eyed Destroyman then charged up his fist with another one of his power moves.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Pound!"
His fist began to glow as he delivered an extremely powerful punch to Homelander's stomach, causing a portion of his stomach to bleed as Homelander coughed up a lot of spit mixed with blood.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Aww, come on, we're just getting started."
Homelander gritted his teeth and let out a yell.
Homelander: "GET OFF!"
The sonic shockwave echoed out, causing an immense amount of pain to both of the Destroymen's remaining human ears. Both of them would start to clutch their ringing ears. While they were distracted, Homelander grabbed the red-eyed Destroyman by the neck and flew up to the ceiling, embedding him into the ceiling head-first all the way up to his shoulders.
The blue-eyed Destroyman looked up at Homelander. He pulled back his arms, starting to form a ball of energy.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Cannon!"
The ball of energy was launched through the air and at Homelander who proceeded to grab the other Destroyman's leg, yanking him free of the ceiling and using him as a shield to block the Destroy Cannon. After the Destroy Cannon hit and exploded against Destroyman's body, he jolted awake. He looked up Homelander's body and at his head before activating his next move.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Beam!"
The Homelander heard his meat shield speak and looked down, only to see the laser beam seconds before it hit him right in the face. The pain caused Homelander to let go of Destroyman, only for him to grab onto Homelander's ankle and, as they fell out of the air, slammed him to the ground.
The two Destroymen quickly ran over to Homelander's body. Just as Homelander lifted his head, the foot of the blue-eyed Destroyman kicked his face before stomping on it, meanwhile, the other Destroyman leapt up and performed an elbow drop on Homelander's bare chest.
Both of them continued to assault Homelander's body with kicks and body slams until Homelander looked up at the metal rafters and fired his hot laser beams at them, slicing them up and causing them to fall down where Homelander and the Destroymen were. Both of the Destroymen saw this and turned to run in opposite directions, however, Homelander grabbed the blue-eyed Destroyman by his foot and pulled him down to the ground, right where the rafters were about to fall.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Shit! Ahh!"
The Destroyman screamed as the large pieces of metal collapsed on his body, pinning almost his entire body under it aside from his head, shoulders and one of his arms. Homelander hovered over the Destroyman's body before lowering his boot onto his neck, stomping on it as he did prior.
Homelander: "Stay down, fuck face!"
As Homelander's boot was choking the life out of the blue-eyed Destroyman, the red-eyed Destroyman pulled his arms back to perform a Destroy Cannon.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Cannon!"
The ball of energy flew at Homelander who dispersed it by shooting it with his eye beams, cutting it in half before it exploded. The explosion created a smokescreen big enough to hide Destroyman's entire body.
Seconds later, Destroyman's body would reach out of the smoke, going to grab Homelander's face, however, Homelander reacted by quickly jabbing his hand forward and grabbing Destroyman's throat. Now he was choking both of them out at the same time.
Homelander: "What's wrong? No smart comeback, no obnoxious taunts, no more special moves to yell at the top of your fucking lungs just to piss me off!"
Homelander started to rant as his grip tightened around one of the Destroyman's neck, giving it all of his focus. Meanwhile, the other Destroyman, who was under Homelander's foot and pinned by the metal rafters, reached his hand up to Homelander's foot on his neck and used as much strength his one arm could afford to push him off of his neck. With enough strenuous effort, the foot was lifted off of his throat enough for him to be able to speak.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Spark..."
The blue-eyed Destroyman muttered, sending an intense spark through Homelander's foot, making him fall to the ground. Now that the other Destroyman was free, he grabbed onto Homelander's head with both of his hands before activating his own move.
Red-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Spark!"
More voltage was sent through Homelander's body, a complete circuit being created by both Destroymen holding separate ends of Homelander's body. A few seconds later, the red-eyed Destroyman let go of Homelander, letting his body flop to the floor as he started to pull up the metal rafters trapping the blue-eyed Destroyman.
Homelander: "Fuuuck..."
Homelander muttered out in a daze, blood coming out of his electrified eyes as he started to gain his mental facilities back.
As Homelander turned around to see the Destroymen, he saw both of them standing completely upright, the red-eyed Destroyman having successfully managed to free his partner. Both of their blue and red eyes started to glow intensely along with their belt before they thrust their hips forward.
'Red-eyed Destroyman & Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Destroy Buster!"
Both of them fired a powerful beam of energy through the air and above Homelander, they both intersected and started to form a ball of energy which increased in size as it lowered itself on top of Homelander. Homelander reached his hands up and pushed against it with all of his might, however, the ever growing size and intensity of the ball wasn't just overpowering him, it was pushing him into the ground which gave way slowly.
When Homelander's knees were fully forced into the ground, Homelander saw the giant energy ball, which at this point had grown to be the size of a small building, was pulsing at an increasing rate and was readying to explode.
Homelander looked over to the two Destroymen, who were making their escape from the blast radius, running out of the warehouse entrance.
Homelander: "I'll see you in Hell, you goddamn fuckin' motherfuckers-"
Homelander yelled out with his supersonic voice before it was completely drowned out by the intense sound of the energy ball exploding, destroying not only Homelander, but the entire warehouse in one blast, reducing it to nothing more then a smouldering crater.
The two Destroymen, who had been launched a fair distance, far out of harms way of the explosion, emerged and ran over to the crater, looking to see if Homelander potentially survived and was going to keep fighting. When they looked down, there was barely anything to see aside from pieces of costume, bone and blood spread out across the very bottom of the crater, all of which belonged to the "hero" formerly known as Homelander.
Now content that their job was complete, both Destroymen performed an exaggerated handshake.
Blue-eyed Destroyman: "Now that's what I call..."
Red-eyed Destroyman: "A fucking battle!"
Results[]
K.O.
The Destroymen fly off through a hole in the warehouse.
Boomstick: And that ladies and gentlemen is why you don't cross the streams.
Wiz: Homelander put up a good fight but he was never going to win this fight.
Boomstick: Let's get the obvious thing out of the way first, Homelander, while he's never fought anyone on his level until his literal death day, probably had way more combatant experience than Destroyman who we only know has fought Travis, Shinobu and some nameless schmucks. Plus Homelander's flight is just a lot better.
Wiz: And Homelander's enhanced hearing would allow him to detect if Destroyman was lying to him, and since the Destroyman with their heart still intact is the one who'd likely try and deceive Homelander first, he'd notice that a lot of things were mentally and morally wrong with Destroyman from the start.
Boomstick: But that's about where Homelander's advantages in this fight end.
Wiz: For starters, while Homelander could effortlessly tank an explosion worth fifteen tons of TNT, Destroyman can compare to characters like Captain Vladimir whose attacks can output over thirty-two kilotons of TNT, literally thousands of times greater than we've ever seen Homelander be able to handle.
Boomstick: And if things weren't bad enough already, Homelander is way slower, he may be able to dodge an explosion by flying at Mach 5, but he isn't dodging attacks from Destroyman that are roughly Mach 3500. The only way he'd ever land an attack is with his eye lasers which are the speed of light.
Wiz: And then there's Destroyman's most devious ally in the fight, himself. Destroyman having a duplicate who can tag team Homelander and heal the other Destroyman whenever he needs help practically guaranteed that unless Homelander was on top of his game the entire time, he'd never be able to keep an eye on both of them.
Boomstick: And ain't that the irony of the whole thing, Homelander was smart enough to see past all of Destroyman's bullshit but when it became a fair fight, he was on borrowed time.
Wiz: Destroyman's raw power and speed advantage meant everything in this fight, whereas Homelander's tiny advantages would only help him a little in the long run.
Boomstick: You half to hand it to Homelander though, he never dropped the ball.
Wiz: The winner is Destroyman!
Winner: Destroyman:
- + Far stronger
- + Far faster
- + Two is greater than one
- - Less experienced
- - Tricks would be ineffective
Loser: Homelander:
- + More experienced
- + Could see through Destroyman's tricks
- + Better mobility
- - Far weaker
- - Far slower
- - Outnumbered
Next Time on Death Battle...[]
Mukai: "Those who seek might shall die by might."
Wamuu: "I only recognize the strong... Justice and camaraderie exist only for the victors!!"
Trivia[]
Connections:
- Both are murderous superheroes that are parodies of DC's Superman.
- Both have John as their first name.
- Both have the ability to fly and shoot laser beams from their head.
- Both are generally depicted as being pathetic while trying to maintain an air of nobility.
- Darick Robertson, one of the artists of The Boys comic, created official art for No More Heroes 3, including the box art.
Original Track[]
The track for this fight would be called "Killer Seven". The name is based on the game Killer7 which is set in the same universe as No More Heroes as well as the number seven referencing both Homelander's superhero group, the seven, and the fact that Destroyman was the seventh-ranked assassin in No More Heroes 1.
Q&A[]
Why wasn't No More Heroes 3 used?
- While Destroyman's actions in No More Heroes 3 add to the connections, it also makes the fight far more of a stomp in Destroyman's favour. Even disregarding the Planet Level scaling Destroyman would get, Destroyman would have complete access to an entire army of Mass Produced Destroymen who, if NMH3's feats were completely ignored, would still be stronger than New Destroyman was.
Why was both the comics and show used for Homelander?
- Both because it helps with adding more feats to Homelander's analysis, but also because it serves as the best way to show that if either the comic or show was used on its own, Homelander would still lose.
What about Homelander's resurrection?
- This requires both outside assistance from Vought (which wouldn't be allowed in a one-on-one fight), potentially wouldn't work if Destroyman destroyed Homelander's brain (which is likely if the Destroy Buster, his strongest move, was used) and the resurrection turns Homelander's brain into mush, making him barely able to fight after his return.
Wouldn't Destroyman just come back if he was killed? Doesn't this make the fight even more unfair?
- Narratively speaking, yes, Destroyman would come back in a new form, however, given that we don't know how Destroyman returned, it is possible outside help was involved and given the undisclosed amount of time his resurrection takes, it would be considered Homelander's victory regardless if Destroyman rebuilt himself.
Would you want to see these characters fight in an actual crossover?
- Absolutely.
How likely do you think this will become an actual Death Battle?
- Considering Homelander got an episode fairly recently, it's really unlikely.
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