Intro[]
Wiz: Across time itself, there have plenty of villains who can strike fear into the hearts of many.
Boomstick: But make some villains who could the same thing as spirit warriors, they're danger at first sight. Like Death, the whistling assassin.
Wiz: And Kai, the collector of chi.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to determine their weapons, armor and skills to find who would win a DEATH-BATTLE!
Death[]
Boomstick: Imagine, if you will, a fearless hero who laughed at the face of death. A warrior who's a shining glimpse of hope in our darkest times. A selfless icon that protects his town time and time again from all sorts of wacky monsters.
Wiz: This was the legendary hero, Puss In Boots. But unfortunately, in his case, legends never live forever. After saving his town from a giant using a bell as a primary weapon, he was crushed by said bell and died.
Boomstick: It's okay wiz, Puss has 9 lives. He is a cat after all.
Wiz: Right but after some...incidents involving bulls, shellfish, cannons and drunkenly falling off buildings to drunkenly prove a point, his life count was reduced from 9 to 1. Forcing Boots to retire forever, Until he magically found a way to regain his lost lives. The Wishing Star.
Boomstick: But in order to get it, Puss had to go through a shit ton of people. Like goldilocks and her bears, Jack Horner of all people, and a big ass wolf man in a hood and cloak which can appear anywhere.
Wiz: While Puss had previously encounter this strange character, he was fooled into thinking the wolf was a bounty hunter. Until the wolf made his return and announced to Puss that he was Death.
Boomstick: And he doesn't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or any other fancy way. This was Death, STRAIGHT UP!
Wiz: As the embodiment of death, AKA the Grim Reaper, Death has superhuman strength, speed and durability. Perfect for hunting and harvesting souls.
Boomstick: As a wolf person, Death can use his claws and teeth into combat. But incase he ever wants to get serious, he breaks out his primary weapon of choice. Not a stupid lame scythe, these are dual-handed sickles with 8 crosses, 4 on each sickle. Each one of these marks represents one of Puss's many deaths through history. And he wields and uses these sickles like there's no tomorrow...for them.
Wiz: Technically Death is a spirit and can only be seen and physically interacted with his prey. Anyone else won't see him. But as a spirit, Death can't die through normal conventional means.
Boomstick: He can create fire, smell fear, induce hallucinations and, for some reason, is immune to magic.
Wiz: Fought against Puss multiple times. He's even made him bleed, which no other villain has done before him.
Boomstick: He's broken down pillars which showcase all of Puss's previous lifes, match and surpass Puss in combat, move faster then the eye can track. He's even walked through the fire created by the Wishing Star, which disintegrated anyone who barely touches it.
Wiz: But despite all of this, Death is not quite the warrior he makes out to be. He taunted Puss so many times he no longer smelled fear, he might've had a temper considering the fact he went after Puss rather than waiting for him to die and also finds the idea of cats possessing 9 lives is ridiculous
Boomstick: But just because he has a temper, doesn't mean he's your worst nightmare. If you ever hear his whistling tune, prepare yourself. Death is near, and nobody can save you.
Kai[]
Boomstick: Master Oogway, an old but wise turtle who possess far more wisdom than your average man. A skilled fighter at heart, A teacher who can master new powers and allowed po to become the legendary Dragon Warrior,
Wiz: But before Oogway spend his days babbling on under a peach tree. He was the leader for the Army of Peace. He lead his army over 500 years ago with his best friend and brother in arms. The jade warrior, the Beast of Vengeance, the Maker of Widows. Kai.
Boomstick: Who?
Wiz: Kai acted as a general for the army, aiding Oogway in multiple battles until Oogway was ambushed.
Boomstick: Kai had to find a place where Oogway could be nurtured back to health. And he'd find just the place.
Wiz: A secret village in the mountains, a village of pandas.
Boomstick: Pandas?!
Wiz: Yes, Pandas. But they did more than just heal Oogway. They taught him how to chi, or one's inner life force, to make large trees bloom.
Boomstick: But Kai had adapted and learned he could take the chi straight from the panda. Becoming stronger and stronger with everyone's chi.
Wiz: Angered at this, Oogway fought against Kai and won. With the Wuxi finger hold, Oogway banished Kai into the spirit realm. Ending the threat once and for all.
Boomstick: But Kai's desire for revenge against Oogway was so great, he fought and collected the chi of all of every master the spirit realm could offer.
Wiz: Through a climactic fight with his former friend and stealing his chi as well, Kai could finally return to the mortal realm as a spirit warrior. The Beast of Vengeance has risen up to take revenge.
Boomstick: Wiz, his name is Kai, who's this Beast of Vengeance you keep bringing up?
Wiz: Boomstick, Kai is the Beast of Vengeance, it's one of his many nicknames.
Boomstick: Well unlike Wiz, I know Kai and his incredible arsenal. Including some jade blades in chains that Kai can swing fast enough to completely shatter rocks.
Wiz: Kai also possesses superhuman strength, incredible durability and as a spirit warrior, he can't be sent back to the spirit realm or be hurt through conventional means. Like how he survived Po trying to force Kai back into the spirit world.
Boomstick: While Kai is handy with a blade, he fights with an incredible fighting style. Through his style, he maximizes his strength into tackles, charges and kicks.
Wiz: And while Kai can steal the chi from others, he can animate them into become puppets of his jade warrior army. Think of them as jade zombies.
Boomstick: You mean his large selection of jombies? He's got master bear, chicken, croc, the members of the Furious 5 and later on, it was revealed he had taken the chi of Tai lung, who was supposed to be the Dragon Warrior in the first place.
Wiz: While Kai is a strong fighter in his own way, he is not invincible. Yes sure he can't be damaged normally, but taking too much chi can cause him to explode and return all chi he's taken.
Boomstick: But Kai doesn't let his failures drag him down. With over 500 years of experience, an army of jombies and his deadly blades, Kai will never stop until he has finally taken revenge on Master Oogway for his crimes all those years ago.
Wiz: The Beast of Vengeance lives on, and he is not to be messed with.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatents are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Death: IT'S TIME FOR AN UNDEATH BATTLE!
Pre-Fight[]
We begin with death slowly walking around a nearby city. Hooded away and hidden from society.
Death: Who does he think he is, a fearless hero who laughs in the face of death? HA, don't even try me gato, I'll get to you before you even see me coming.
Soon, the ground started shaking as a strange jade light began to emerge from the ground. The light quietly formed into a twister, still carrying that strange jade-like color.
Death: What the? I've never seen magic tricks do this. And what's with that light?
Just then, a figure was visible from the twister. As the stormed stopped, it's shown Kai standing and looking into the distance. He quickly turned around and stared down at Death.
Kai: You there, Where am i?
Death chuckled before responding.
Death: This is what people would consider, earth. But I call it, the world of the living.
Kai: The mortal realm.
Kai took what appeared to be a jade like piece of jewelry from his neck.
Kai: You hear that Oogway? I, Kai, have returned!
Death: Who are you again?
Kai was interrupted by Death.
Kai: I am Kai. The Jade Warrior! General of the Army of Peace!
Death: Can't say i ever heard of you, bull.
Kai: Beast of Vengeance? Make of Widows?
Death: HA, maker of widows. Don't make me laugh. I am Death, and I can tell you came from the Afterlife. Unfortunately, for you, sending people there is all i do.
Kai: HA, You'd like that, wouldn't you? I spent 500 years honing my skills and getting out of the spirit world. I will not be sent back by you!
Kai armed himself with his jade blades. Death soon followed and took out his sickles.
Kai: You don't have what it takes to match 500 years in the spirit realm. I fought and took all the chi from the greatest masters in all of China, a simple fool like you doesn't stand a chance.
Death: Well then, this'll be more interesting than cat chasing.
FIGHT![]
Kai and Death ran at each other. Sickles and blades were constantly meeting. Kai then jumped back and quietly charged at Death, and sent Death through a house and into a field. Death chuckled more as he got up.
Death: You were kidding there. You're certainly a fighter.
Kai: I'm not mere fighter, I am a warrior!.
Kai charged at Death once more. This time, Death jumped out of the way and clawed Kai's arm. Kai turned around and stopped in his tracks, seeing the claw mark on his hand. Soon, however, kai got an idea.
Kai: You might be fast on your feet, but try and dodge THIS!
Kai sent out one of his blades at Death. It struck and disarmed Death of one of his sickles. Kai attempted to disarm Death once more with the same method, but Death quickly block it and charged at Kai. In response, Kai sent out one of his jade zombies. It was Master Gorilla as it roared at Death before beating his chest. Death quickly stepped back and fought the Jombie, continuously dodging the gorilla's swipes and punches.
Death: Some warrior you are, sending others to do your fighting for you. If you were a true beast, you'd fight me yourself!
Kai then called Death's bluff and recalled Master Gorilla. Using this as his opportunity, Death quickly rushed Kai and stabbed him in the chest with his last remaining sickle. Kai's form started to quickly disappear by the second.
Kai: NO, IMPOSSIBLE! I'M A SPIRIT WARRIOR, I CAN'T BE SENT BACK TO THE SPIRIT REALM!
Death: You're not getting sent back my friend, I'm destroying what remains of your essence. After all, I am Death.
Kai: NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kai's form was finally gone, the final fighter remaining there was Death.
Death had won...
Results[]
Boomstick: WOW, i was sure Kai could've easily won. Are you sure Death winning though wasn't an accident?
Wiz: There are no accidents, Boomsticks. But due to Kai's credit, he did have a few advantages over Death.
Boomstick: His large army of jombies meant he could've overpowered Death, and Death didn't quite have enough experience to match Kai's 500 years of fighting in the spirit realm.
Wiz: If it was up to those 2 factors, Kai could have won. But Death had him beat in several other categories.
Boomstick: For starters, Death's skills alone are completely badass. Even if we assume that fighting Puss was Death's first time fighting against someone, he still had enough to match Kai and potentially juke him.
Wiz: And Death does have numerous other powers that never relied on an outside factor, He could've easily have lasted the fight and even overwhelm kai enough to the point of near defeat.
Boomstick: Not to mention the fact that Death, much like Kai, is a spiritual being. Meaning neither of them could harm each other in the traditional fashion. So the ultimate question was simple, who could land the killing blow first.
Wiz: In fact, Kai did have a move that would've easily have put down Death, Chi absorption. Instantly turning Death into a jade zombie for his own personal army.
Boomstick: But since Death doesn't have chi, Kai couldn't have used it. And Death had the perfect way to take Kai down. Though his own sickles.
Wiz: In traditional folklore, Death's scythe is capable of killing literal gods. Including other reapers, angels, demons and spiritual beings just like Kai.
Boomstick: If we assume Death's sickles play by the same rules as the legend's scythe, which it should given how this is also the grim reaper, Death could easily destroy Kai's essence with one simple stab from his sickle. But hang on a second wiz, What about Kai's large army of Jombies. He's could've easily have thrown them into the fight and watch them destroy Death, right?
Wiz: A good question, Boomstick. But remember, Death is a spiritual being. His jade zombies wouldn't have done much against the literal personification of death.
Boomstick: Leaving Kai with little to no options to stop Death.
Wiz: The Best of Vengeance was certainly a powerful warrior. But Death had a might, counters and sickles to send Kai back into the Spirit realm.
Boomstick: Kai could've won, but Death was the just a better Beast...of Vengeance.
Wiz: The winner is Death!
Advantage/Disadvantage of fighters[]
Death
+ More powers
+ More skills than Kai
+ potentially more experienced
= spiritual being.
- Couldn't easily counter Jade Zombie.
Kai
+ Ranged weaponry
+ Large number in Jade Zombies
= spiritual beings.
- Little means of a killing blow
- Couldn't take chi from Death