Deadpool vs Sans

Simbiothero

Nintendoguy

Why be a hero or a villain? Just be the funny guy.

Description

Marvel vs. Undertale! Katana and guns vs. bones and Gaster Blasters! Two 4th wall-breaking comedians with puns and dark backstories will go at each other's throats today! Will Deadpool collect another bounty or will he be dunked on? More importantly, can Wiz survive the puns?

Intro

DEATH BATTLE! Theme - Invader

Wiz: Comedians. They make us laugh, but what if said jester had a dark side to them?

Deadpool: I don't think we're dark, do you?

Sans: of course not, we're perfectly fine.

Wiz: How'd the-how'd you guys get in? We locked the door!

Sans: dude. we break the fourth wall. a door is nothing.

Suddenly, Boomstick runs in the door out of breath.

Boomstick: Wiz...I tried to stop them.

Wiz: *sigh* Like I was saying, these two comedians may seem lighthearted, but they have a deadly side to them.

Boomstick: Deadpool, the Main Mercenary Man with a Massive Mouth.

Wiz: And Sans, the Summoning, Smiling Skeleton from Snowdin.

Deadpool: He's Wiz, the Geeky, Generic Genius with the Giant Gray Matter.

Sans: and he's boomstick, the renegade redneck with a ridiculous amount of revolvers and rifles.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle.

Deadpool

Deadpool: Yay, I'm first!

Sans: well, i'm gonna take a nap.

Deadpool Rap (Movie Version)

Wiz: Wade Winston Wilson's childhood is not really well-known except that his father was killed by a so called "friend" and his mother died of cancer. His ultimate childhood hero was none other than Captain America and so he desired to be like him.

Deadpool: Until I didn't.

Boomstick: Yeah, nobody's really sure what happened, but Deadpool became an antiheroic mercenary which, in my opinion, is way cooler than that American boy scout.

Wiz: It seemed everything was going amazing for Wade...until he got cancer.

Boomstick: Now depressed, Wade gave up on life. He stopped chemo-treatments, stopped coming into work, and even dumped his girlfriend, Vanessa Carlyle who would later go by the name, Copycat. But luckily for the cursed killer, there was a special weapons development named Department K in Narnia.

Wiz: Canada.

Boomstick: That place doesn't even exist, Wiz, come on.

Wiz: So it seemed Wade was finally going to get the help he needed.

Deadpool: But in the words of our 45th President,"Wrong."

Wiz: Instead of helping Wade and treating his cancer, they used him as a lab rat testing all of their experiments on him.

Boomstick: And with that, they gave him a little of Wolverine's healing factor and superhuman strength, speed, durability, and endurance. Not a good idea.

Wiz: They put him in the 'Deadpool, which is basically the lab rats fighting to the death and is also where he got his name. His chances of living were 1000 to 1. He beat those odds.

Boomstick: He led a rebellion, murdered his abusers, and escaped the program. Now sporting a red and black outfit, Wade Wilson had become Deadpool.

Marvel vs Capcom 3 - Theme of Dante

Deadpool: And now you know the backstory of Death-Deadpool. Yeah, Deadpool.

Wiz: Like we said earlier, Deadpool posses superhuman strength, speed, durability, and one of the best healing factors in the Marvel universe.

Boomstick: This guy can get repeatedly stabbed, shot, electrocuted, and pretty much everything else, and not even blink. So it makes you wonder, why isn't his cancer healed?

Wiz: Well, they doctors didn't really give him the cure, just a healing factor that can grow faster than the cancer can spread. However, perhaps Deadpool's most famous ability is the ability to break the 4th wall and communicate with the viewer in some sort of fashion.

Deadpool: BLAH BLAH BLAH less talking about my abilities and more about my guns.

Boomstick: Deadpool wields two machine guns named "Butter" and "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" although I prefer my shotguns, "Stanley" and "Lapis."

Wiz: He wields two twin katanas, twin sais, grenades, several bombs, grenades, pistols, hammers, a teleportation belt, and just about anything he has.

Boomstick: Where does he keep all that stuff?

Wiz: A special area called the Magic Satchel where he can keep virtually anything down there.

Boomstick: First the hammer girl, then the fairy, and now the Deathstroke ripoff? Who's next?

Carnage theme

Wiz: Deadpool has had his head cut off, is a master at assassination, completed a obstacle course made for Iron Man suits with no problem, can take down several armed guards with no problem, is a master in almost every martial art, can dodge bullets, can survive hits from Hulk without having to regenerate, and was even to unpredictable for Taskmaster whose whole purpose is to predict moves.

Deadpool: Then there's that time I killed the entire Marvel universe including Hulk, Juggernaut, Spidey, and even your quote-on-quote, "unkillable Wolverine. I did it even before the other guy with my carbonadium sword.

Boomstick: Why?

Deadpool: I dunno.

Wiz: You don't know because you didn't. It was actually an alternate version of you named Dreadpool who did all that. Although to be fair, you did kill him.

Deadpool: A kills B, B kills all the other letters.

Boomstick: But Deadpool isn't perfect.

Deadpool: Your ex-wife says different.

Boomstick: ...I will blow your head off if you say that again.

Deadpool: Touchy subject?

Wiz: Deadpool's greatest weakness may also be his greatest ability. Unpredictability. While people like Taskmaster can't track his mind, sometimes even he can't. But Deadpool actually isn't insane. He realize he's a comic book character and take advantage of that.

Boomstick: Plus, he is extremely cocky and like Hulk, he's only as strong as his healing factor allows him to be.

Wiz: But even as much as he showboats, it's a known rule that Deadpool always gets his bounty. Just ask Deathstroke.

Deadpool: What a dramatic note to end on, DiCaprio.

Deadpool: I only have twelve bullets, so you're gonna have to share!

Deadpool looks to the camera.

Deadpool: Let's count 'em down.

Sans

Undertale OST - Snowdin Town Extended

Sans yawns and looks around.

Sans: wow, is it my turn already? i think people will find me as an interesting "chara"cter.

A rimshot plays in the background.

Deadpool: That was terrible! And capitalize your words.

Sans: ah, come on. throw me a "bone."

Boomstick: I love this guy already.

Wiz: He's like a mix between you and Deadpool, so I'm not really warming up to him.

Deadpool: Man, you're giving him the cold shoulder.

Sans: good one, ninja spiderman.

Deadpool: Wait, what...oooooohhh.

Wiz: Undertale is home to several different characters, backgrounds, and places, but none are as recognizable as Sans.

Boomstick: Nobody really knows Sans' background. All we know is he and his younger brother, Papyrus, randomly showed up in a town called Snowdin and kinda just...stayed.

Wiz: While Papyrus is a human capturer trying to become a member in the Royal Guard, Sans is simply...lazy and apathetic not doing anything in the game except randomly showing up, telling puns, and drinking ketchup.

Deadpool: Ugh! Dude, get some chimichangas.

Sans: ew no.

Boomstick: Whenever Sans got bored, he would go to a big door and talk to someone who loved his puns.

Wiz: But one day, the human, Frisk, dropped down into the Underground and met the skeleton.

Sans: don't you know how to greet a new pal?

Wiz: There are three modes to Undertale.

(1. The Pacifist Route - killing no one

(2. Neutral - killing a few monsters here and there

(3. Genocide - killing everyone

The music stops.

Boomstick: But Sans shares a dark secret. You see, there's a RESET button and the main function is basically to start everything all over again, so Sans can be having fun with friends and the next second, he's back at his post. And if that weren't bad enough, sometimes Frisk kills his brother or worse, everybody.

Deadpool: My friend did that once.

Wiz: Now Sans is normally a nice guy...

Sans: heya. you've been busy huh?

Wiz: But even the nicest people can snap.

Sans: so, i've got a question for ya.

Wiz: At this point in the genocide route, Sans has lost everything.

Sans: do you think even the worst person can change...?

Wiz: His friends.

Sans: that everyone can be a good person, if they just try?

Wiz: His brother.

Sans: heh heh heh heh. all right. well, here's a better question.

Wiz: You've taken it all away from him.

Sans: do you wanna have a bad time. cause if you take another step forward...you are REALLY not going to like what happens next.

Wiz: And now...

Chara/Frisk takes another step.

Sans: welp. sorry, old lady. this is why i never make promises.

Wiz: You're going to hell.

Super Buu Theme (FULL)

Sans: it's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing. flowers are blooming. and days like these, kids like you...

Wiz: And Sans is your personal escort.

Sans: SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL.

Deadpool: What an edgelord.

Boomstick: Now sporting a single blue eye, Sans just might be the most terrifying being in Undertale right about now. Flowey, who?

Wiz: Sans is infamous for his bone manipulation where he gains the ability to summon bones to beat and impale his foes. The bones can range from being very small to as large as a human child.

Boomstick: This guy is throwing his relatives at people! That's how you know he's serious.

Sans: ...i've actually never thought where those things came from.

Wiz: Another thing to notes about this skeleton are his Gaster Blasters, which are skeleton...dog...dragon...demon...things that can fire beams at the speed of sound. Speaking of speed, Sans can dodge attacks from Frisk who, in turn, can dodge lightning putting both over 220,000 miles per hour.

Boomstick: Sans can also teleport, use telekinetic powers, and even turn your soul blue using soul manipulation and can throw you around like a rag doll.

Wiz: He can also conjure platforms out of seemingly nowhere making his opponent have to jump over them.

Undertale OST - Bergentrückung (Intro) + ASGORE Extended

Boomstick: But without a doubt, Sans' best ability...is his pun-making skill.

Wiz: Shut up, Boomstick. Sans' greatest ability is Karmic Retribution. This works like a poison, removing invincibility and slowly seeping away health. Every time you get hit, a large portion of damage goes away.

Boomstick: So it seems like Sans can go toe-to-toe with the best of the best. Well, there's one problem. He only has one HP, one ATK, and one DEF. He's the easiest enemy in the game...relatively speaking. No wonder why he dodges so much.

Wiz: Sans has knowledge of every timeline, can dodge attacks from foes who can dodge lightning, and even took down Chara, who destroyed a multiverse. Although he may be weak statistically, Sans is one skeleton that you definitely don't want to see coming out of a graveyard.

sans: signing out, everyone.

Sans: this is an odd thing to say, but...if you have some sort of special power...isn't it your responsibility to do the right thing?

Frisk says yes.

Sans: ah. i see. ...Then why'd you kill my brother?

Sans vanishes.

Wiz: All right. The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick, Deadpool, and Sans: It's time for a Death Battle!

Pre-Fight

A room

Undertale - Bonetrousle

A red and black figure is seen playing the genocide route in Undertale. He groans in frustration after losing to the final boss ninety times in a row. Deadpool hesitates to throw his computer on the ground and stomp on it.

Deadpool: It's not fair! This stupid chubby Skeletor's wasted three hours of my precious time! I could be doing anything else, but this stupid game has ruined everything! ...Although the story is quite delicious and Papyrus is a cinnamon roll.

Suddenly, a bright light surrounds the room. A black and white triangle sporting a top hat, cane, and bow tie comes out of a portal it seems. It turns into a bright yellow character.

Stop music

Bill Cipher: Hey, there!

Deadpool: Oh, uh, uh, um...

Deadpool tries to perform the Cross Signal, but fails. Then he picks up a piece of paper and draws a cross on it.

Deadpool: Get thee behind me, Satan!

Bill: Oh, please. That's my uncle. Name's Bill Cipher!

Deadpool: You? But your fight is the season finale! Why are you here now?

Bill: It seems we share a common enemy. The slimy skeleton has robbed both of us of our popularity.

Deadpool: Well, actually WatchMojo has us as the top three of most popular characters of 2015/2016. I suggest you watch their latest video: Top 10 Anime Gorillas who aren't Harambe and are based off Malcolm in the Middle. Number one is Keanu Reeves.

Bill: Well, yeah, we are the three most popular characters, but I-I mean, we need to rule.

Deadpool: How do I know I can trust you?

Bill: ...Because I'm a nice triangle?

Deadpool takes a safety whistle and starts trying to blow on it through his mask to no avail.

Bill: ...Just go.

With a snap of his fingers, he transports Deadpool to Snowdin.

Deadpool: Oh man, it's cold. Wait a second.

The Merc with A Mouth throws a grenade. It detonates on impact and kills multiple civilians. A big hole is in a building and Deadpool can see Grillby drying his dishes.

Deadpool: Well...that was wasted.

Deadpool walks over to the bar only for him to narrowly dodge a bone that shot in his direction. He looks to his right and sees a skeleton dressed in a hoodie, slippers, a huge smile, and a flaming blue eye. Sans drops his hand and puts both in his pockets.

Sans: just looking at you, i can tell you have a...fiery spirit.

Everybody chuckles at the pun.

Deadpool: You must be the guy the triangle told me to ki-wait. YOU'RE THE GUY IN THE GENOCIDE ROUTE! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'VE WASTED IN THAT GAME?

Sans: well, it was your fault, wade.

Deadpool: Well, Sans, get ready to pay for the time you've wasted.

Sans: i got a question for ya. do you wanna have a bad time or do you wanna get dunked on?

Deadpool: I dunno, they both sound bad.

Sans: trick question.

He conjures several Gaster Blasters and bones.

Sans: you get both.

(Deadpool and Sans) Fight!

X vs Zero - Megaman X5 Music Extended

Sans starts off by firing several beams at Deadpool who dodges them all.

Deadpool (imitating Frieza): Your Saiyan skeletons are futile against me!

The mercenary takes out his twin machine guns.

Deadpool: Say hello to my little friends! BANG BANG BANG

Sans dodges all them all without effort while still maintaining a large smile on his face. Once Deadpool runs out of bullets, he chuckles and shrugs his shoulders.

Deadpool: Wipe that creepy smile off your face, you Judge/Ghost Rider ripoff!

Sans: ok mr. deathstroke/spiderman.

Sans attempts to frown, but can't.

Sans: i gotta see a doctor about this. it really chills me to the bone.

Deadpool looks to the screen.

Deadpool: And I thought Spiderman was bad.

Sans conjures several platforms for Joker to leap over, which he does in success. The red and black mercenary takes his to twin sai out of the Magic Satchel and runs at the skeleton.

Deadpool: You know, I've been thinking.

He stabs at Sans' eye, but misses.

Deadpool: I'm not really a TMNT guy as much as I am...well, I do love those crazy turtles, but that's not the point.

He throws his twin sai at the skeleton only for them to stop in midair glowing a blue energy around them. He then smashes him into a boulder using soul manipulation. While Deadpool is recovering, Sans takes the opportunity to fire a Gaster Blaster at Deadpool's arm causing it to completely disintegrate.

Deadpool: Ah, look what you did!

Sans: are you ok?

Deadpool: Hold on.

Stop music

Deadpool regenerates an arm slowly and grotesquely while Sans is still watching.

Deadpool: So let's get this time to know each other. ...Uuuh, who's Gaster?

Deadpool's arm has barely grown past his heart.

Sans: this is weird.

Deadpool: Why are you smiling then?

The two stand there awkwardly.

Deadpool: JUST KIDDING!

Deadpool's arm quickly shoots out to its normal length while he picks up his old arm and throws it into the fire while mumbling something.

Sans: what are you saying?

Deadpool: The next song. My song.

DMX X Gonna Give It To Ya Lyrics

Deadpool puts on his teleportation belt and vanishes over to Sans. He has enough time to dodge the punch and conjure bones to act like swords.

Deadpool: Yes! Sword fight time! Now I would have my carbonadium sword, but hosts too it away cause they're a bunch of-

His sentence was cut short by him getting hit over the head with a large bone. Then he turned blue and was smashed into a building.

Sans: you know, i've never liked funny mercenaries. they always turn out to be such backstabbers.

Deadpool: Discrimination at its finest, folks.

Deadpool swings his katanas at Sans only for them to miss. He then attempts to do several techniques from Ju Jitsu and Mai Thai, but once again, Sans dodges.

Deadpool: It's just like in the game! I need a boost!

He takes out a chimichanga and devours it in one gulp. In a fashion similar to a certain sailor, his muscles expand. We see inside and see a nuclear explosion goes off. He runs at Sans with his two katanas and Sans prepares his two large bones. The two melee weapons clash sending sparks flying in all different directions. Sans struggles to keep his bones under control by concentrating extra hard. But his efforts are to no avail as the Merc with a Mouth slices the bones and jumps at Sans.

Deadpool: You're about to die twice!

The smiling skeleton barely jumps out of the way before Deadpool stabs at him. Sans uses soul manipulation once again to slam him into the ground, but D-Pool keeps coming back.

Sans: man. you're good.

Deadpool: Thanks. I like to take pride and my killing abilities.

Sans summons a Gaster Blaster, but it is blown up by a missile.

Sans: this is really getting explosive.

Deadpool: All right, smelly. It's time to meet go to the big Grillby's in the sky and meet Toby Fox.

Sans: i don't think so.

Sans puts his hands in his pockets and closes his eyes.

Stop music

Sans: it's a beautiful day outside.

Deadpool: Not really. It's kind of cold.

A dark cloud appears.

Sans: birds are singing, flowers are blooming.

Deadpool: What flowers can grow here?

Lightning strikes.

Sans: on days like these, people like you...

Several Gaster Blasters, bones, and platforms appear around the sweating skeleton.

Sans: Should be burning in the deepest level of hell.

Undertale Megalovania - Metal Cover RichaadEB

Deadpool: Oh boy. Looks like I'm in a little bit of a predicament.

Deadpool looks to the screen.

Deadpool: If I die, burn down Screwattack HQ and riot. Sans fires several bones at the assassin impaling him several time in different area à la Hulk vs. Doomsday.

Deadpool: Oh, my spleen! I cramp all over!

The undead vigilante sends several platforms to slam at the red and black man which sends him flying back into the rubble of a building.

Sans: get dunked on.

Deadpool (slow motion à la A Christmas Story): Oooooooohhhh ffffuuuuuuddddggggggeeeeee-

Deadpool (narrating): Only I didn't say fudge. I said-

Sans slams Deadpool into random objects by turning his soul blue finally slamming into the Snowdin sign. He summons several Gaster Blasters to fire eradicating the mercenary once and for all.

K.O.!

Bill angrily watches afar off while Sans walks away.

Bill: Looks like I need to deal with him myself. But there's somebody I need to take care of first...

Results

Sans Battle - Stronger Than You (Undertale Animation)

Deadpool: I CALL EXTREME BIAS AGAINST ME!

Sans: dude, chill out.

Wiz: While it seems Deadpool is stronger and more durable, which he technically is, Sans is just on a whole different level than him.

Bomstick: Let's start off with the most obvious reason first. Karmic Retribution. It removes all forms of invincibility, which can include healing factors, and even if it didn't, Deadpool would still be doomed.

Wiz: Frisk killed approximately 107 monsters during the genocide route and look how much damage that did. By looking on the Marvel database, we see there is a whole section on being killed by Deadpool. By the time Jocelyn got to 107, she just finished the J category. Needless to say, Deadpool killed a lot more than Chara.

Deadpool: Thanks!

Sans: ...you're messed up, dude.

Boomstick: Then there was speed. Sure, Deadpool can dodge bullets, but Sans can dodge attacks from people who can dodge lightning! But what about his healing factor, you ask?

Wiz: Don't get us wrong, it's good, but Karmic Retribution plus not being able to hit his foes plus constant attacks equals a worn down healing factor.

Sans: i really had the guts to fight this guy.

Boomstick: Deadpool is now a pool of dead mercenary.

Deadpool: Oh whatever. I'm just gonna watch CFC.

Wiz: The winner is Sans.

Next Time

Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle!

???: Do that again and I will end you!

???: We're bad guys. It's what we do!

Ramona Flowers vs. Harley Quinn!