Deadpool vs Eric Cartman is an episode of DEATH BATTLE!, with Deadpool from the eponymous franchise and Eric Cartman from South Park.
Description[]
Marvel vs Comedy Central!, Who of these red Anti-Heroes with similar personalities will win?
Introduction[]
Skyblazero: This two characters are really are similar...
Anti-Sky: The two are red anti-heroes who have similar personalities!
Skyblazero: And this guys are Deadpool, the merc with a mouth of Marvel!
Anti-Sky: And Eric Cartman, South Park's fat evil kid!
Skyblazero: He's Anti-Sky and I'm Skyblazero.
Anti-Sky: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armors and skills to see who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Deadpool[]
Skyblazero: Wade Wilson was a mercenary looking for his chance to become the world's next greatest hero.
Anti-Sky: Wade was diagnosticated by Cancer and he was actually handed over to the Weapon X Program ending with her Girlfriend. They inyected Wade with Wolverine's healing factor and then they tortured him horribly.
Skyblazero: The Healing Factor give him superhuman strenght, speed and resistance and used this skills to kill Ajax and do a Dramatic Escape and then of be freely from his Partners they inspirated him to call himself Deadpoo-
(Deadpool suddenly appears)
Deadpool: DEADPOOL, IT'S TIME TO DO CHIMICHANGAS!
Anti-Sky: Oh yeah, I forgot Deadpool can break fourth wall....
Skyblazero: So.... Who is my DEATH BATTLE! opponent?
Anti-Sky: Your fighting against Eric Cartman?
Deadpool: Why I'm fighting with a Fat Kid, anyways I can't die so I can win this!
Skyblazero: Sorry by sound rude, but we are analyzing your powers and skills now.
Deadpool: So... Can I help?
Skyblazero: Hmmm.... Sure.
Deadpool: Thanks, well I'm a Martial Artist, a Badass Mercenary and a Sexual Machine, I'm also an expert into use Katanas and Machine Guns!
Anti-Sky: Deadpool too has a Teleportation Belt, allowing Deadpool to Teleport and has an Infinite Stone that can change the continuity!
Deadpool: I also love the Chimichangas, use wanna try one!
Skyblazero: No thanks.
Anti-Sky No thanks. Well continuing Deadpool can beat 7 agents of Hydra, can split legions of Assembled Warriors while was talking in Phone, taunted at Tankmaster, and killed a Murderer Version of himself killed the Marvel Universe.
Skyblazero: He can take headbutts from Captain America, tanked slashes of Wolverine's Claws, tanked a Knife in his Head, tanked be impaled by many Symbiotes, he take a punch of Blade, he regenerate of a Nuclear Bomb, survived blows and kicks from Iron Fist, can regenerate his head flying in pieces, his Heart being removed, his Body being turned in a Pool, and tanked a Skyscraper colapsing over him, he also once became an Herald of Galactus.
Deadpool: All that is true, it seems us know really much about me, good job guys!
Anti-Sky: Thanks!
Skyblazero: But Deadpool is Mentally Unestable, his Healing Factor make Deadpool thing he is invincible, don't take the fight too enserious the most time and the Decapitation can incapacitate Deadpool too much.
Anti-Sky: But don't here that messes up with Marvel's Merc with a Mouth!
Deadpool: All right, it seems I'm done, it's time to make Chimichangas!
Eric Cartman[]
Skyblazero: Eric Cartman is a resident of South Park who tends to bullying or abuse people to get what he wants.
Anti-Sky: Eric Cartman is too strong, he can sent a kick flying backwards with a kick, can knock over a Planetarium Rejector with a Casual Kick, he smashed through a Glass Window through a pentagon twice, beat Bildo Bagginst with 3 heads to the head and he lifted a Cartoonishly Sized Mallet and swing it down no problem!
Skyblazero: Cartman too dodged Gun Fire and into his Superhero Form can disappear and disappear in other parts of rooms when peoples aren't looking.
Anti-Sky: Cartman is too pretty manipulative, and he know how to manipulate his friends and he ruin peoples lives by turning the people they love against him!
Skyblazero: Cartman too survived a satelite the size of a building on his asshole, dropped down an Alien Ship to the snowy ground below and he was fine, survived both Plane and Car crashes like they were nothing at all, and got right back up after being bucked and charged down by a Large Bull!
Anti-Sky: Cartman has a Baseball Bat, Sais, a Chainsaw, a Mallet, a Taser Gun, a Regular Taser, regular sticks of TNT, a Nighstick, P.29 Stun Baton, A small knife used for back stabbing, and a Malfuntionating V-Chip allows Eric shoot electricity at his opponents!
Skyblazero: He too has a Superhero alterego, which allows him have sharp claws and has a Wizard form allows him use a Staff to beat people, and can blast enemies with Bolts of Magic and actually this seriously makes serious damage, and Eric has Fart Powers and if Eric farts directly at someone at long periods of time, he can use so fecal matter to build up in their noses and suffocate them!
Anti-Sky: And Eric has a good attack named The Belly Barge allows him destroy walls with the stomach, and can smash Robot Children to bits by jumping on them!
Skyblazero: And Eric do an organization that exploited babies that were addicted to crack, dressed up as Hitler, and tried to exterminate the Jews, he spread Hate Speech about Ginger Kids, befriended Cthulu, gave a Kids Aids and Fed Scott Tenorman his own parents!
Anti-Sky: But Eric yet has his weaknesses, he can be easily over powered up close, Isn't that great at Hand to Hand Combat, and can be tricked and be made fool out like the Scott Tenorman sold him his pubes!
Skyblazero: But Eric is yet a Badass Kid!
Eric Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Intermission[]
Skyblazero: Well, the combatants are set let's end this debate once and for all!
Anti-Sky: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
Pre-Fight[]
Deadpool is in South Park searching Eric Cartman to fight him.
Deadpool: Oh come on, I'm searching the Fat Kid with that I need fight and I can't found him, where is him!
He suddenly saw Cartman sit down in a Bench eating Cheesy Poff.
Deadpool: Hey you fat kid, I will fight you now!
Deadpool suddenly pulled out his Machine Guns but Cartman angrily put his Cheesy Poff in aside and he angrily pulled out a Gun to counter the Machine Guns Deadpool has.
Eric Cartman: I'M NOT FAT. I'M BIG-BONED!
Both looks at eachother with a serious exprettion, aiming at eachother and prepared to shoot at eachother.
FIGHT!
Fight[]
Both shoots bullets at eachother, until both hasn't munition.
Both started a Fist-Fight punching eachother, until Cartman kicked Deadpool sending him to fly to a wall and then he started slamming Deadpool into the ground who punched Eric's face and kicked Eric away, making Cartman got angered and he charged at Deadpool punching him sending him to a wall.
Deadpool then decide pull out his Katanas and tried to slash Cartman who dodged and pulled out his Sais and both started a sword duel until Cartman stabbed Deadpool but he regenerates and he uses his Teleportation Belt and he teleport behind Cartman and he pulled out a Chimichanga.
Cartman was refused wanting to know in where Deadpool was and he said.
Deadpool: Hey, wanna try a Delicious Chimichanga?
Eric Cartman: Sure! But we are not fighting?
Deadpool: Just try it, is really delicious!
Deadpool give at Cartman a Chimichanga and Cartman eat it.
Eric Cartman: It was delicious!
Deadpool: Time for kick someone into the Chimichangas!
Deadpool kicked Cartman's nuts but Cartman angered punched Deadpool in a wall and started to slam him into the ground and Cartman pulled out a Baseball Bat beating up Deadpool, until Deadpool punched Cartman away.
Cartman then decide pull out Sticks of Dynamite throwing them at Deadpool who is dodging them until one of them exploded hurting Deadpool, who regenerates.
Deadpool: Hugh, well kid your asking a Beating!
Eric Cartman: Suck my Balls!
Eric Cartman suddenly pull out a Mallet swinging it down at Deadpool, smacking him many times with it, sending him to the ground, hurting Deadpool, until Deadpool dodged and kicked Cartman away.
Eric use his V-Chip shooting Electricity at Deadpool sending Deadpool into a wall and then Cartman becomes into his superhero alterego as Deadpool said.
Deadpool: Oh come on, now you're a Superhero!
Cartman jumped at Deadpool scratching him until Deadpool kicked Cartman away and he regenerates.
Then both punches eachother until Deadpool punched Cartman and kicked him into a wall.
Cartman then uses The Belly Barge, hitting Deadpool with his stomach sending him to a wall destroying it.
Deadpool: Ouch, that hurts!
Deadpool slowly recovers as Cartman suddenly punches him into the ground and becomes into The Wizard King.
Cartman threw a Magic Missile at Deadpool who got up and dodged it and he then shoots Lighting at Deadpool sending him to the ground.
Deadpool gets up as Cartman use a Lighter creating a Flame with Hair Product launching a wall of Fire at Deadpool who dodges but Cartman attacks Deadpool with a Thunder sending him to a wall.
Then Cartman threw at Deadpool a Stick of TNT and Cartman said.
Eric Cartman: DIE BITCH!
A great explosion happened, as the smoke clears Deadpool was hurt into the ground knocked down, Cartman suddenly saw Deadpool and he though he won.
Eric Cartman: Fuck you, I won, I won, I won!
Cartman was celebrating his victory but Deadpool was recovering conciousness and he gets up regenerating himself and he suddenly saw Cartman and said.
Deadpool: You don't won yet, kid!
Cartman got angrily and he said.
Eric Cartman: Fuck you from a once!
Eric use his V-Chip shooting Electricity at Deadpool who dodged it and he suddenly uses his Teleportation Belt to teleport behind Cartman again.
Eric Cartman: NO AGAIN!
Cartman see Deadpool behind of him kicking Deadpool into a wall.
Deadpool then said.
Deadpool: Alright kid this is enough!
Deadpool pull out The Continuity Gem and Cartman said.
Eric Cartman: Hey what is it?
Deadpool: This is the Continuity Gem, I can be like the God. I can rewrite history and change reality, impressive right? So I can simply rewrite you're history and erase you!
Eric Cartman got scared and he said.
Eric Cartman: What, no, You can't do that motherfucker!
Deadpool suddenly starts rewriting Cartman's history and Cartman is seeing him starting to disappear.
Eric Cartman: Please stop, no, Nooooooo!
Cartman screamed in fear as he got erased out of the existence.
K.O!
Deadpool: AND THE WINNER IS DEADPOOL, CHIMICHANGA!
Results[]
Anti-Sky: Whoa, it was too amazing!
Deadpool suddenly appears.
Deadpool: True, especially when I erased that Fat Kid!
Skyblazero: Well, first than nothing Cartman has nobody to kill Deadpool because Deadpool has his Healing Factor so he can literally regenerate with ANY attack Cartman throws at him!
Deadpool: And I also should just use The Continuity Gem to kill that Fat Kid!
Anti-Sky: True, and Deadpool too get be Herald from Galactus and has much more feats than Cartman so Cartman really hasn't a chance.
Deadpool: I give that Fat Kid a beating on the Chimichangas but thinking well, I would revive him now!
Deadpool pull out The Continuity Gem and he revives Cartman who was happily for being alive.
Deadpool: Well, now I did it!
Skyblazero: Well Cartman is alive yet.
Anti-Sky: Anyways It seems Deadpool give Cartman a Pool of Death!
Deadpool: The winner is Deadpool, Chimichangas!