Deadpool vs Ambush Bug is a What-If? Death Battle made by Gliscor Fan.
Description[]
Marvel vs DC! The two fourth wall breakers of each comic strip jump out to fight it out and attempt to murder each other.
Interlude[]
Wiz: In comics, there are many things that the characters inside it don’t know that they’re in comics.
Boomstick: But not these two, they’re the wackiest characters to exist within-
Ambush Bug: Alright, quit your yammering.
Deadpool: Yeah, this is OUR show now.
Wiz: Wait.. what is?
Deadpool shoots boomstick and Ambush Bug tapes Wiz’s mouth shut.
Ambush Bug: Hi, my name is Ambush Bug.
Deadpool: and I’m that guy everybody loves! Seriously, call me chickadees.
Ambush Bug: And we’re going to analyze our own weapons, armor, and skill, to find out who would win… a death battle.
Deadpool: No hard feelings if I kill you.
Ambush: Hahaha… PREPARE YOUR ASS.
Ambush Bug[]
Ambush: One day, a long time ago, I was a businessman. A suit fell from the sky, as well as socks. I, also known as Irwin Schwab, found the suit and became Ambush Bug! Thanks for playing.
Deadpool: I can’t even remember my backstory. Bet it has something to do with Chimichangas.
Ambush: Soon, I found a real, living boy, and named him Cheeks, the toy wonder! Totally has nothing to do with Batman and The Boy Wonder, I just came up with it on the spot.
Deadpool: Wait, The Batman? Didn’t he kill Deathstroke? I killed Deathstroke. Am I actually Batman? I need to shoot my parents!
Ambush: I had to go in and kill a bunch of terrorist who kidnapped my grandmother. I mean, they were very republican and she did vote for Jimmy Carter. I killed them all with expert hand to hand combat (and my expertly advanced teleportation technology) and saved my grandma, but Cheeks died.
Deadpool: I just realized that I’m deadpool. I don’t have any parents.
Ambush: I’ve defeated a giant koala (with help from the lovely keeper of the DCU continuity, Jonni), but then Jonni was killed by Darkseid. I mean, Jonni really had it coming to her, and Darkseid is kind of a dick. But then we find out that I was raised by real ambush bugs! A human! Me!
Deadpool: When are we gonna talk about me???
Ambush: Wait, this is getting to the good part of my origin story.
Deadpool: THIS IS YOUR ORIGIN? It feels like Mothra took a bite out of a turkey club sandwich and DIDN’T FINISH IT.
Ambush: Oh, and that wasn’t the real darkseid. It was a replica of Darkseid created by Argh!yle, the sock that tried to kill me. Luckily, my suit gives me invulnerability against… everything, unless it’s painful. Because pain hurts.
Deadpool: But I have the superior healing factor.
Ambush: Can you leave it for the fight?
Deadpool: But your story is soooo boring… when do you kill stuff?
Ambush: I’ve killed Terrorist republicans! I’m also really great friends with The Joker, and Santa! Oh, I also took the power of Eclipso to summon my brother, the plumber. I believe his name is Mario.
Deadpool: Bah, who needs ya. I’m just gonna go to sleep.
Ambush: I also escaped hell multiple times. I take the exit in the back. However, I actually drew that exit so I could leave the DC universe as the writers were too annoying, and that’s the end of it all. But man, was Jonni DC something to look at.
Deadpool: But you can’t leave, we still have to go to prom together!
Ambush: Soon, Deadpool. Soon.
Ambush Bug: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
Ambush: Hey! That was me! I said that!
Deadpool[]
Deadpool: OH BOY! My turn! Oh, this is gonna be awesome. So, back way, way, way back before this bug guy was a thought, I was brought in and secretly trained by ninjas…
Ambush: You mean you had cancer and got injected with a healing factor that made you unable to die.
Deadpool: Aww, you ruined the fun of it. Bang.
Deadpool grabs a gun and shoots himself in the head.
Ambush: Well okay then. Wade Wilson was hired as a mercenary and became exceptionally skilled in hand to hand combat, guns, swords, girls phone numbers, sex, and… Deadpool, did you write this script?
Deadpool: Come on baby, it’s all fun and games until everyone dies. Did I mention I killed the entire marvel universe? I never run out of bullets. It’s all here in my magic satchel.
Ambush: It also says that you have superhuman strength, agility, stamina, reflexes, and good… Seriously, good looks? Maybe this is why Marvel hates you.
Deadpool: But like, I also got these voices in my head that are totally insane.
Deadpool Voice #1: But we’re gonna win this death battle right?
Deadpool Voice #2: Of course we are, it’s not even a contest.
Wiz: *makes inaudible noises through the tape*
Deadpool: I KNEW I forgot something.
Deadpool shoots Wiz with a machine gun.
Deadpool: So we were talking about me, right?
Ambush: Says here that you have a device that allows you to teleport short distances. I have a device like that too, it’s my suit. But I can go longer.
Deadpool: Hey, this fight is about me. Stop stealing it.
Ambush: I’m just reading what’s on the script.
Deadpool shoots holes in the script.
Deadpool: Fuck the script. I make my own rules.
Ambush: Well shit.
Pre-DB[]
Ambush Bug: Alright, we are set. Let’s jump into the arena and murder one of us.
Deadpool: IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE! Man, I’ve always wanted to say that.
Death Battle[]
Deadpool’s apartment, ____ pm. Deadpool is sitting on his chair, doing basically nothing.
Deadpool: Aw, come on, you can’t even come up with a good time? What day is it?
Deadpool opens up a window to find Ambush Bug.
Ambush Bug: Hey, remember me? I helped you with the analysis!
Deadpool: No you didn’t, you just muttered words that weren’t about me.
Deadpool shots the window out trying to hit Ambush Bug, but Ambush Bug teleports inside Deadpool’s apartment.
Deadpool: Oh, it’s fucking go time motherfucker.
Deadpool pulls out two large machine guns for each arm.
Announcer: FIGHT!
Deadpool rapidly fires each machine gun at Ambush Bug, while Ambush Bug continuously dodges each bullet. Deadpool continues fire while eating a chimichanga before Ambush Bug teleports behind him and punches him in the face.
Ambush Bug: Hi, I’m Ambush Bug. Here’s your vault ticket.
Ambush Bug begins to pile the many vault tickets he has lying around around Deadpool until he’s completely covered by Vault Tickets. Deadpool then just teleports behind him and stuffs a sock in Ambush Bug’s face.
Deadpool: You forgot the laundry.
Deadpool pulls out a rocket launcher and shoots Ambush Bug at point blank distance, but Ambush Bug teleports away at the last second, right next to Argh!yle.
Argh!yle: YOU FOOL! YOU HAVE UNLEASHED MY ARMY OF SOCKS!
Deadpool teleports next to Ambush Bug and fires the Rocket Launcher, but Ambush Bug teleports again and the Rocket hits Argh!yle in the face, killing him.
Deadpool: Aww, come on! That was my contact for next week!
Deadpool puts away the Rocket Launcher and takes out two handguns, and attempts to pistol whip Ambush Bug, but Ambush Bug just starts using Karate moves to block each pistol whip before Deadpool disappears and reappears as a comic strip.
Deadpool: Over here!
Ambush Bug joins deadpool in the same comic strip and the two begin slap-fighting in each panel. In one of the Panels, Jonni DC is incinerated by a balloon of Darkseid, and in another panel, Deadpool pulls out his Carbonadium sword and tries to stab Ambush Bug, but Ambush Bug teleports out of the comic strip and instead, he kills both Wolverine and Deathstroke.
Deadpool: Did not see that one coming.
Deadpool Voice #2: By the way, he’s behind you.
Ambush Bug: Hey, I found this giant mallet in that satchel you have.
Ambush Bug squashes Deadpool with the mallet multiple times, and soon, Deadpool is turned into a puddle of Red. However, Deadpool just picks himself up and turned back to normal.
Deadpool: If it wasn’t for my healing factor, that would’ve actually hurt a bit.
Deadpool then pulls out two guns and starts shooting at Ambush Bug, who just continues to teleport.
Deadpool: If it’s a teleporting battle you want, then let’s go.
Deadpool and Ambush Bug just continue teleporting into random areas and places before suddenly, Deadpool’s teleporting device stops working, and just fires his handguns in multiple directions out of anger while Ambush Bug keeps teleporting. Once Deadpool finally hit something, it wasn’t Ambush Bug, but a Minion.
Deadpool: I KILLED A MINION!
Suddenly, while Deadpool was distracted Ambush Bug climbed over his shoulder and covered his eyes.
Ambush Bug: Hey there, I’m in your death battle.
Deadpool turned around with katanas that he pulled from his magic satchel and noticed that Ambush Bug had teleported again. Ambush Bug then sneaked another item from Deadpool’s Magic Satchel and the two started firing guns at each other, missing almost every single shot.
Ambush Bug: You know, I was never good at weapons.
Ambush Bug threw his handgun behind him and took out his cell phone.
Ambush Bug: Hello? Jonni? Yes, it’s me! Ambush Bug! Glad to hear you’re not dead. Listen, Deadpool has this Magic Satchel thing, and I want it. Do you think you can make me a copy without destroying continuity? No? Okay.
Ambush Bug then tossed the Cell Phone at Deadpool. Before teleporting away.
Ambush Bug: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
Deadpool goes out of the screen and pauses the youtube video.
Deadpool: Now I bet you’re left wondering how this battle is going to end. Well, I can tell you this: It’s not. This will never end. There are so many things both I, and Ambush Squash can do. So it’s better that we just leave it here and…
Ambush Bug: Oh, I see you had the idea of ending the battle early. I, too, like to live dangerously.
Deadpool: Wait, how did you jump out of the screen?
Ambush Bug: Teleportation.
Deadpool pulls out both his katanas, teleports behind Ambush Bug, and stabs him multiple times in the back. Ambush Bug then falls over, lifeless.
Announcer: K.O.
Deadpool: You know what? I have some revives from that one pokemon episode of Death Battle for some reason. I’ll use them on those two bozos I killed earlier.
Results[]
Wiz: God… what on earth just happened?
Boomstick: I don’t know, but there’s a script. We should read it.
Wiz: Says here… that even though Ambush Bug is experienced in Hand to Hand combat, he sucks at weaponry and doesn’t have a healing factor. This battle was a hard stomp for Deadpool.
Boomstick: What does that mean?
Wiz: Wait… Were we about to do Ambush Bug vs Deadpool?
Boomstick: God… Why would we consider doing that?
Wiz: I don’t know. But I guess that Deadpool… is too powerful and good with the ladies to lose to a mere bug?
Boomstick: I guess Deadpool had squashed the Bug.
Deadpool lifts the guns from Wiz and Boomsticks head.
Deadpool: Next time, make sure the death battle is versus someone that has a chance. TOODALOOOOOOOO!
Wiz: The winner is… Deadpool.