Deadpool Vs Peacock is a What If Death Battle created by TherealHyperA for his season one episode 6. If you would like to add a thumbnail, feel free to add it yourself!
Description[]
Marvel Vs Skullgirls! These two skilled gunslingers who were turned insane from an experiment go head to head! Who will win?
Introduction[]
(The Flash speeds onto the screen carrying The Hulk)
Flash: Phew. Told you we’d make it!
Hulk: Red man go too fast!
Flash: Anyways let’s get started. Me and Bruce both know that while biological experiments have their benefits, they can also bring great pain.
Hulk: Some people use new strength to be heroes like Hulk and Red Man. But some are too weak and go crazy!
Flash: And maybe take over the internet while doing so. Like Deadpool, the merc with the mouth.
Hulk: And Peacock, the anti Skullgirl. He’s Red Man and I’m Hulk!
Flash: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win-
Deadpool: A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Hulk: WHY IS SPIDER MAN HERE?!
Flash: I was afraid of this. I’ll explain this later. Let’s just get this over with.
Deadpool[]
Flash: No matter how long you’ve been on the internet, you’ve most likely had the displeasure of seeing Deadpool.
Deadpool: Were you talking about me? Oh how sweet. Let’s get this show on the road and talk about how awesome I am!
Hulk: Urge to punch: Rising.
Flash: Wade Wilson was a very skilled assassin, but due to refusing to follow orders out of his moral compass, he got kicked out of the Special Forces.
Deadpool: Still though, life was going pretty great for me! Got a girlfriend named Vanessa, and had a perfectly illness free life!
Hulk: Why’d you need to specify-
Deadpool: Until I fell to the most terrifying comics villain of all: cancer! After letting my gf go because I’m such a nice guy, I went to get this little problem of mine fixed by the assholes at Weapon X!
Flash: Big surprise, they were evil. They continuously tortured Wade in the most horrific ways imaginable! That said, they did keep their promise. He was given an exceptional healing factor(more on that later) to keep the cancer back straight outta Wolverine!
Deadpool: Of course that place didn’t really gel with me so I had to get out of there. But not before murderizing everyone there!
Flash: Long story short, he put on a superhero persona and gained a reputation as the merc with the mouth that just won’t die!
Hulk: Enough with the boring stuff, Hulk wanna hear about fighting stuff!
Deadpool: Couldn’t agree more! Y’know I’m pretty well known for my skill and variety of weapons! I’ve got pocket knifes, grenades, blowtorches, and an endless bag to hold them all! But my favorites have to the classic guns and swords.
Flash: As much as I hate to admit it, these are very impressive. His two katanas are powerful enough to cut through steel and Spider Mans webs, and his bullets can take down spacecrafts! Plus with the sheer variety of things he has on him at all times, he’s super unpredictable even when you put aside his insanity.
Hulk: He’s used a lot of different guns, like rocket launchers and sub machine guns! He’s got more weird stuff too, like holograms and a teleportation belt!
Deadpool: And after that experiment I’m strong enough to twirl helicopters around and outrun airplanes! Not to mention having skyscrapers dropped on me.
Flash: And it wouldn’t be a Deadpool analysis if we didn’t bring up that healing factor of yours. He can regrow limbs, absorb bullets, survive being crushed, and even get melted into a puddle and keep regenerating! And he loves to show this off because he lets himself get hit a lot.
Deadpool: Hey with skills like mine I can afford to take it easy from time to time. Looks like the analysis is over nothing else important to cover-
Flash: Now it’s time for my favorite part, the weaknesses!
Deadpool: WHAT?! YOU KNOW ALL THATS BULLSHIT!
Hulk: The most glaring weakness of all is his blatant insanity. Those experiments messed with his brain so much that he started talking to the writers and the White and Yellow exposition boxes!
Deadpool: THOSE ARE MY HOMIES YOUR BADMOUTHING!
Flash: He’s also super cocky, never taking things seriously and having way too many comments. And although he uses his fourth wall breaking to his advantage, it can also hurt or annoy him. Like this!
Ending quote-
Deadpool: NO! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS! IM CALLING MY LAWYERS ON YOU! IM HITTING UP SAUL FUCKING GOODMAN ON YOUR ASS-
ENDING QUOTE!
Deadpool: Didn’t anybody tell you? I’m a riddle dude! I eat the uncertainty principle for breakfast! I was born the original loose cannon!
Peacock[]
Flash: Once upon a time, an artifact was created known as the Skull Heart was created. This magical treasure could grant any wish, but at a terrible cost.
Hulk: It turns out that the creatures that made them were kinda assholes, and made it so that the Skull Heart would transform whoever gained it into a monster known as a Skullgirl.
Flash: Speaking of Skullgirls, this is the perfect Segway to talk about todays combatant: Peacock!
Deadpool: Peacock? More like Pea-co-
(Before he could finish his, Im sure very appropriate, joke, he was beaten to a bloody pulp by the Hulk)
Deadpool: Oh the pain! My life is flashing before my eyes! So much HOT TOPIC!
Flash: Oh please you’ll be fine. You’ll regenerate by the time the fight starts.
Deadpool: Screw you.
(The bloody pile that is Deadpool painfully lifted his shattered and broken arm, to reveal a middle finger. In response, Hulk simply stepped on him again, leading to more cry’s of anguish)
Hulk: Anyways, Patricia was once an orphan girl who lived in a broken orphanage with her friend Marie.
Flash: But like all good things, this came to an end after she and Marie were captured by slave traders. After showing how rambunctious she was, she was deemed worthless and brutally mutilated and had her eyes gouged out! Disgusting!
Hulk: Luckily for her, she somehow didn’t die! She was experimented on and healed by Lab 8 and the Anti Skullgirls Lab.
Flash: Sadly, they couldn’t bring back her eyes, so she got the next best thing! Metallic arms with rows of laser firing red eyes that display wider vision radiuses!
Hulk: She even got a bird friend to help her fight!
Flash: This robotic bird, Avery, was very compatible with Patricia, and gives her a lot of abilities to be a Skullgirl killing machine! One of her most important abilities his the Avery Units.
Avery Units
- George the Bomb-The smallest of the pack, comes in land and air!
- Andy the Anvil and Tommy Ten Tons-The bruisers of the group
- Lonesome Lenny-Very large bomb with a long detonation time
Hulk: The Avery Units are cartoony extensions of Peacock created by Avery. With these guys, she has a whole posse!
Flash: Avery can also create weapons, items, and pretty much anything Peacock needs at the moment. This includes shotguns, pistols, cream pies, hammers, bats, and other assorted weaponry!
Hulk: She can even create portals!
Flash: These function like Bug Bunny’s portable holes, which can be used to teleport and spawn above opponents and drop heavy objects. This technique is called “The Shadow Of Impending Doom”!
Hulk: And she’s pretty good at using these too! She specializes in keeping their opponent at a distance and juggling them with zoning tactics.
Note: Peacocks arsenal is almost entirely designed by her to represent her obsession with cartoons.
Flash: This all proved useful when she had to face off against Marie who-plot twist-was destined to become the next Skullgirl. It was a pretty close fight, but she managed to defeat Marie. Who, by the way, tossed a huge chunk of a skyscraper across the city with ease!
Hulk: That’s some serious strength! She can take this amount of damage in combat and react to fast attacks.
Flash: Unfortunately, Lab 8 couldn’t sustain her sanity. She’s a complete maniac who is always picking a fight and murdering people at the slightest inconvenience.
Hulk: She also loves to have fun and make cartoon references during fights, which makes her very overconfident.
Flash: But even then, Peacock still remains the most powerful force against the force of the Skullgirls!
Ending quote
Peacock: Man…who are these posers getting between me and the Skullgirls? Don’t they know who I am? I was built to beat Skullgirls!
Interlude[]
Flash: Alright the combatants are set; we’ve analyzed the data through all possibilities!
Hulk: ITS TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
(The Hulk claps his hands and sends the roof falling down onto him)
FIGHT![]
(Animation Style: Sprites)
In the brightly lit nighttime city, it was the perfect opportunity to avoid responsibilities. How do adults do this? Well some, like our combatants, go to the bar. Most was normal there, relatively speaking of course. However, there was a few rather odd characters were visiting. One of which was Peacock. Next to her, cheering her on while she chugged an especially large bottle of apple juice, was her posse of cartoonish inanimate objects.
Avery: As much as I appreciate an apple juice chugging contest, shouldn’t we focus on why we’re here?
This was said by the green bird residing in her hat. Peacock took the time to finish the drink before responding.
Peacock: Yeah yeah I’m on it.
She slams a wanted poster of a person in a red spandex mask onto the table.
Peacock: Have any of you seen this jackass?!
There was no response except a brief silence before everyone continued on with their day.
Peacock: See? We can continue the look out later but for now let’s just enjoy ourselves. It’s not like they’ll conveniently show up randomly-
Before she could finish, a red foot kicked the door so hard it flew off of the hinges and smashed right into a person and the wall, leaving a red paste. Deadpool walks into the building.
White: Wade, I believe you should be wary coming into this place. That girl, Peacock, seems very dangerous.
This was said by the white textbox that showed up beside his head Spiderverse style.
Deadpool: You mean freaky eyes over there? Yeah I know what I’m doing.
He walked over to the barstool next to Peacock and sat down.
Peacock: What is it, buster? Can’t you see I’m busy here?
Deadpool: Ah it’s nothing. Just a big fan of your work.
He slid a wanted poster with her face and “$100,000,010” on it. She responded with a manic grin as both pointed a gun to each other.
Peacock: Me too!
FIGHT!
Peacock manages to land the first bullet, which hit directly through Deadpool’s cranium, sending the mercenary flying back a considerable distance. The bullet wound quickly mended, but he didn’t have much time to relax as Peacock quickly unloaded bullet hell onto him. While he narrowly dodged some of them, he got nailed in the chest by most.
Deadpool: Ah my lung! That’s the third time this week!
In response to this, the white text box appeared again.
White: Maybe you should change up your strategy!
Wade quickly got an idea as he grabbed the imaginary box and somehow managed to block all of the bullets, twirling it around like a baton.
White: OW OW OW! That is not what I mean-
Deadpool: Brit detected; opinion rejected!
He threw the protesting exposition dump through the gunfire. It curves through the air like a boomerang and slices her guns in half. As it glides through the air, Deadpool leaps up and grabs it midair before landing on top of Peacock and beating her over the head with it.
Peacock: Hands off ya big palooka!
Avery pops out of her hat and placed a comically large boxing glove on one of her robotic hands, before she delivers a haymaker that sends Deadpool flying across the bar. The text box goes flying through the window at high speeds.
Deadpool: That’s it lady! I’ve had enough of your E for Everyone comic mischief!
He whips out his katanas and charges at her. He flips into the air before trying to slam the blades down onto the girl. However, he comes to a sudden stop as she catches the swords in her hands with a manic grin on her face. Deadpool is reasonably surprised, but more so when the rows of eyes on her arms point towards him and fire a point blank laser.
Wade gets up off of the floor feeling relatively unharmed, until he noticed the bloody hole in his chest.
Deadpool: Oh that’s freaky!
The hole quickly patches itself back up in a gruesome display.
Peacock: Well that’s just cheating! But that’s fine. I can cheat too. Get ‘em boys!
Upon her call, Andy and Tommy leap up from behind her and slam into the floor, causing the very building to shake.
Tommy: You called?!
Andy: We’ll beat this twerp with the power of toxic masculinity!!!
Andy and Tommy: VAUGE GRUNTING!!!!
Deadpool: Alright Thing 1 and 2! Let’s get-AGHHHH!
His sentence was interrupted by a swift left hook, before the two ganged up on him. While Deadpool was fighting them off well, you could still tell he was having difficulty damaging their steel bodies. Peacock decided to mix things up and threw two George the Bombs in their general direction. The mercenary got an idea. It wasn’t a great one, but it was the best he had.
To the audience, time started to slow down Matrix style. He threw a rocket launcher into the air above them, before grabbing one of the bombs and using them to send the goons flying upwards. He shot the rocket launchers trigger as it was facing them, which sent a rocket downward and exploded the goons. The force of the explosion sent George flying back at Peacock while Deadpool teleported away from the blast radius. All of this, in real time, happened in about 5 seconds.
Deadpool: Maximum effort!
Time went back to normal as black shards of anvil and weight fell from the sky. Peacock was exploded by the bomb and launched into a wall. She used the momentum from the launch to create springs on her feet and bounce off the wall while carrying an oversized mallet.
Peacock: HEAHAHAHAHAHA! You thought that was enough to put me down?! Well I ain’t done, buster!
Deadpool: Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Peacock swung the hammer at full force, but the mercenary teleported out of the attack range. She continued swinging, and Deadpool continued dodging. That was until, he tried to go back on the offensive. He teleported beside her and tried to land a sword slash, but was hit with a spinning hammer swing that launched him through a counter. He jumped back into the action before using a grappling hook to wrap around her hammer and snatch it from her hands.
Deadpool: Get over here!
He snapped the mallet like a toothpick.
Peacock: That was my favorite hammer! Luckily, I carry spares!
She pulled out an identical hammer but with the number two on it. Deadpool charged at her, only to fall into…a small hole on the ground? He fell from the ceiling in front of Peacock.
Peacock: Batter up!
She smacked him into another portal, before hitting him continuously as he fell through portals.
Deadpool: I didn’t think the fucking Spot would make an appearance!
Instead of responding, she continued hitting Deadpool. Eventually, he appeared in another flash of purple light behind Peacock.
Deadpool: Teleports behind you!
He kicks her in the back of the head so hard that Lonesome Lenny, a giant sentient bomb, flew out of her pocket!
Peacock: Wuh oh-
BOOOOOOM!!!!!
The entire bar was engulfed in a firey explosion, completely destroying the building. In the massive crater, the familiar red anti hero assumed the Yamcha position. He got up and scratched his head.
Deadpool: Welp she’s probably dead.
Well that’s what he thought. Until a massive shadow loomed over where the building once was. It was a massive black portal! A shadow of impending doom!!!
Deadpool: Shit.
Peacock was seen alive hovering just under the portal she made. Avery was barely holding her in the air, like Kazooie. She pointed at Deadpool, sending a large variety of heavy items falling from the sky at him. He sighed before getting into action. He whipped out his sword at took a leap.
He began jumping off of random objects like anvils, trees, and elephants, occasionally having to teleport out of the way. That was until he saw an old enemy of his: the flaming semi truck! He was hit by the hood, before quickly teleporting to the top. At this point, he was very close to Peacock. She noticed this and began tossing George’s at him while Avery flew her around.
Peacock: You just don’t know when to quit!
They fought in the air. Deadpool was jumping around objects, dodging or slicing George’s and attempting to get a good hit in while Peacock quickly flew around the sky and tossed projectiles. He teleported behind Peacock onto another truck and pulled out a gun. She managed to dodge most of the attacks but had to keep her guard up more. Deadpool soon realized he needed to target Avery, and it was much easier to land a shot on them. He nailed the bird right through the chest, killing them.
Deadpool: Keep an eye on the birdie!
Peacock: Avery no!
She didn’t have much time to grieve however, as she found herself falling. Deadpool threw one of his swords downward at her, impaling her midair. The portal closed as they both fell to the earth. Deadpool got up and took a breather, before looking at her corpse.
Deadpool: I wonder if she’s dead.
As if to answer his question, an anvil fell through the sky and crushed her body, leaving only a mesh of blood and clothing.
K.O!
Results[]
Hulk: HAHA! That was awesome. But it would be better if annoying cherry man didn’t win.
Flash: While I heavily agree, it was actually a pretty close fight. Peacock held several advantages, like a greater variety of abilities, better physical stats of strength and durability, and the imaginary friends could keep Deadpool at bay.
Hulk: But Wade was just too fast! Due to regularly fighting alongside the light speed Spider Man (they’re definitely just friends wink wink nudge nudge), he could easily deal with anything Peacock had to throw at him and then some!
Flash: Not to mention his healing factor. While Peacock was difficult to kill because of her durability, Wade was on a whole other level. We actually don’t know a solid way for Peacock to kill Deadpool, as even if she BFRed him with the portals, he could just teleport back!
Hulk: Peacock may have been one tough toon, but she just couldn’t keep up with the raging Canadian!
Deadpool: THE WINNER IS ME!
Next Time[]
”Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Welcome one and all to Weirdmaggedon!”
“IN THIS WORLD ITS K I L L O R B E K I L L E D !”
BILL CIPHER
VS
FLOWEY