Description[]
Unbreakable vs. Kick-Ass. Tougher-than-average people take to the streets in a duel to the death.
Introduction[]
Wiz: Superheroes are often viewed as beings with immense power at their finger tips. With the vast variety there are of them, nearly any feat in fiction is possible.
Boomstick: But when your in the real world, the range of powers you have as a superhero is rather limited.
Wiz: David Dunn, the unbreakable Overseer.
Boomstick: And Kick-Ass, the fledgling vigilante. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
David Dunn[]
Wiz: The story of Unbreakable focuses on a man named David Dunn, a man who, at first glance, is nothing special.
Boomstick: Which is why it makes total sense for him to become a superhero. It's always the ones you think are the most unassuming. But with that logic, you then do think they are assuming, so does that mean they won't be superheroes?
Wiz: It's an odd formula. One other formula, meanwhile, was defined by David, at least at the beginning; he never wanted to be a superhero to begin with.
- Background
- Age: 55
- Height: 5'11
- AKA The Overseer
- Former football prodigy
- Runs a security business
- Isn't the Ghost Bruce Willis
Boomstick: Not just because he had the common sense not to believe in people with superhuman abilities, but because he was also kind of washed out.
Wiz: You see, in his youth, David was considered a footballing prodigy, destined for great accomplishments on the field.
Boomstick: But like many men, he gave it up for a woman. Now he spends his days as a security officer for a football stadium.
Wiz: One last means to keep in touch with the dream he once had.
Boomstick: Damn, surprisingly tragic when you think about it. And the relationship with that girl he left football for, now his wife, was on the verge of collapsing.
Wiz: But a chance encounter with an enigmatic comic book salesman soon presented David with a new dream. A dream of being a superhero.
Boomstick: And it wasn't just some desperate comic book geek that came to him on the subject, this guy knew his stuff and had some pretty boss theories on comic books.
Wiz: You see, this man, Elijah Price, believed that comic books where in fact a means of recording an era when superhumans where far more commonplace. And so he set about searching for any that still remained by researching several disasters looking for one key thing; a single survivor who sustained no injuries.
Boomstick: And spoiler alert, he had a little hand in those disasters, including the train crash that clued David into the fact he was no ordinary man. He was an unbreakable man.
- Powers
- Superhuman strength
- Superhuman durability
- Extrasensory Senses
- Can see the crimes of others he touches
Wiz: Thanks to one of the most common powers around; his enhanced strength, which enables him to bend and dent metal with ease.
Boomstick: He can bench press 350 pounds no problem, and can likely do much more. In fact, I could do much more.
Wiz: The last time you tried to bench press just one pound over that, I had to drive you to the hospital due to a hernia.
Boomstick: Oh yeah. Sorry about doing that in the middle of your mom's birthday.
Wiz:...She liked the flowers you brought. David's also remarkably durable. Remember that 'accident' Elijah caused with the train? Well, David was right in the middle of it, and was completely fine, without a single scratch on him.
Boomstick: The basic physical power superpower package. But David has one more power that's a bit more out-there.
Wiz: You see, David has this, well, 'sixth sense.'
Boomstick: But he don't see dead people. He sees guilty people.
Wiz: By directly touching someone, David is able to see a vision of whatever crime they committed.
Boomstick: So criminals gotta be real carefree when he's around if they want to stay secret. Looks like social distancing really does benefit everyone. Thanks to this sense, he can find the scene of a person's crime, and as a bonus, they're outlined with specific colors, so it's really easy for him to keep track of who's-who.
- Feats
- Bent metal beams
- Survived a train and car crash
- Got out of a tank of water
- Kept his hold on the Orange Man
- Defeated the Orange Man, Mr Glass, the Beast
Wiz: David's path to becoming a hero was a slow one but he soon found his footing with his very first act of heroism.
Boomstick: By choking the hell out of a deranged and sadistic janitor; the Orange Man. Not that janitors usually do that. Menial labor or not, it is an important role to play in even the biggest corporations.
Wiz: And you remember how his wife wanted him to quit football? Well the reason he was able to do so what because David and her got in a car crash. Not only was he completely unharmed, but he was able to tear the door straight off its hinges to save her.
Boomstick: So how did that let him quit?
Wiz: He pretended to be hurt. In fact, nothing hurts him.
Boomstick: As if surviving a train crash wasn't evidence enough.
Popup: Although he was never shot with a gun, it is highly likely that David does have a degree of bulletproof-ness.
Wiz: However, whilst he cannot be hurt physically, he can be hurt with a key weakness; one to water. A powerful squirt of it can disorient him, and he cannot swim to save his life.
Boomstick: What is it with M. Night and making his characters weak to water? A tiny amount of it even led to David's death. Well first a large amount weakening him first.
Wiz: In spite of the tragic end to it, David's superhero career was the thing to bring life back into the one who would becoming the Overseer.
Kick-Ass[]
Wiz: "We all planned to be a superhero at some point in our lives." These were words said by someone which suited him one hundred percent.
Boomstick: His name was Dave Lizewski, and his inspiration came from the most common place; comic books.
- Background
- Real Name: Dave Lizewski
- Age: Late teens to early twenties
- Occupation: Police Officer
- Member of Justice Forever
- Trained by Hit-Girl
- Comic book enthusiast
Wiz: Dave had no superpowers, wasn't bit by a radioactive spider, and was from Earth instead of being an alien refugee. But that didn't stop him from procuring a green suit to take to the streets as a justice-happy vigilante.
Boomstick: Like Batman in a way. But in addition to being nothing like Superman or Spider-Man, he wasn't much like the Dark Knight either.
Wiz: Simply put, his first night on patrol ended with Dave getting thrashed. He was beaten to a pulp and struck by an oncoming car.
Boomstick: Oh, and stripped naked and thus mistaken for a gay prostitute when he was finally found. But that was a relatively small blight compared to the damage he received to his entire body.
Wiz: Including to his nerves and bones, the latter area of damage requiring metal plates to be infused into them for Dave to recover.
Boomstick: You'd think that after that, Dave would never try it again. But nope, he was back out on the streets as soon as he could walk. Which wasn't for a while. But whilst he was recover, Dave found that his attempt heroics actually had an impact, growing in fame to the point of being dubbed Kick-Ass.
Wiz: Now with a moniker, Dave's career as a superhero could finally begin, but not without a little help from actual heroes, Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, who trained him in some martial arts.
Boomstick: Now he can beat up two people at once with ease, and before you think that's overrated, in the real world, fighting off two attackers simultaneously is nothing to be sneezed at. *Ah-Choo!* Bless me.
- Arsenal and Abilities
- Twin Batons
- Stun Baton
- Outfitted with spikes
- Insulated suit
- Pepper spray
- Pain resistance due to damaged nerves
- Twin Batons
Wiz: This training has allowed Kick-Ass to make much better use of his signature weapons.
Boomstick: His twin batons. Originally, they started off as simple repurposed mop handles but Kick-Ass eventually upgraded them with brutal spikes, and even got a special baton that contains an electrical charge.
Popup: Kick-Ass once used a jetpack/minigun device, but this was only in the movies, and isn't a part of his regular arsenal anyway.
Wiz: The electric baton is used in conjunction with his specially insulated suit, so that there's no chance of him accidentally electrocuting themselves.
Boomstick: But even if he did, he wouldn't mind much, because he has a lower sense of pain than other people.
Wiz: Because of the damage dealt to him on his first night of vigilantism, Kick-Ass has a lower pain sense that other people due to the damaged nerves in his body.
Boomstick: Thanks to it, he can power his way through nearly any kind of beating. So he really does have a superpower.
Wiz: On the contrary actually, your ability to feel pain is incredibly important. In fact, it's like a real life superpower; your body needs to be able to feel pain. It's how it reacts to stimuli in the environment to prevent itself getting hurt, or at least more so.
Boomstick: So that means I actually do have a superpower?
Wiz: In a very loose sense of the word.
Boomstick: In that case, time to start my career as a superhero!
Wiz: Hold it! The only reason Kick-Ass wasn't killed on his first run was pure luck.
- Feats
- Survived numerous beatings
- Led Justice Forever
- Drove his club through a man's skull
- Fought people who could punch through wooden doors
- Defeated Red Mist, Genovese
Boomstick: Hey, he didn't need luck all of the time. He got pretty good at fighting bad-doers, even taking de-facto leadership of the group Justice Forever after their leader kicked the bucket.
Wiz: Kick-Ass has helped to inspire entire masses of people to take up heroics or to simply do more to better their homes and has taken the fight to even the mob and against his archenemy, Red Mist.
Boomstick: I thought his super villain name was the Moth-
Wiz: It is! But for the sake of integrity, let's just stick with Red Mist. Much less cringy overall.
Boomstick: You don't want to try too hard to show your moral allegiance with just titles. That's why the name Kick-Ass works so well; sounds neutral.
Wiz: In spite of the slight profanity used in it.
Boomstick: Oh get a sense of humor Wiz.
Wiz: Kick-Ass' path as a hero eventually concluded with him helping Hit-Girl to bring down the remnants of the Mob and their corrupt cop allies. But it was hardly easy.
Boomstick: Kick-Ass got the crap kicked out of him more times than you can count, and his pain tolerance does have a limit. But hey, anyone would crack when you get tased in the nuts multiple times. But Dave came out of it all okay. He even got a girlfriend and continued his path of justice as a police officer.
Wiz: And at the end of the day, he was kind of right; we all did plan to be a superhero at some point in our lives.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
The Battle[]
In the middle of the night, on a street outside of a train station, David Dunn and Kick-Ass walked towards each other from other ends of the street, both on patrol. They were originally ignoring each other, aside from a slight glance at the other, but that ended when they passed each other; Kick-Ass brushed by David, activating his extrasensory senses and seeing what Kick-Ass had been up to.
David came to a stop as Kick-Ass continued on his way, turning around to look at the green-clad youth.
David Dunn: Those people you attacked. Why did you do it?
Kick-Ass stopped walking in alarm.
Kick-Ass: That's...confidential.
David turned around to face Kick-Ass as the latter did the same.
David Dunn: Then your gonna come with me.
Kick-Ass groaned and pulled his batons out, giving them a quick-twirl.
Kick-Ass: And I had a date tonight as well.
FIGHT!
Kick-Ass charged forward and swung out one of his batons to strike David across the face.
Kick-Ass: Take that! And this!
He swung the other baton to score a hit on the other side of his face.
Kick-Ass: And this, and this, and this!
A strike came after each one of these proclamations.
Kick-Ass: And THIS!
He brought the baton right down onto the top of Dave's head, resulting in a satisfying clap of solid sound. But to Kick-Ass' surprise, David hadn't so much as blinked at the assaults, and was no simply staring impassively at him, even with the baton still on his head. Before Kick-Ass could change his approach, David's fist shot out and struck him in the face, sending him spinning backwards to crash onto the street. Thanks to his pain inhibitions, Kick-Ass didn't feel any pain, but was unable to push himself back up in time before Dave strode over towards him and swung his foot into his side, sending him flying further down the street. David once again marched towards him to continue his assault, but Kick-Ass swung out his baton to catch David in the side of the knee, forcing David to drop onto his other one as his balance was thrown off. Kick-Ass then shot upwards, back onto his feet, swinging his other baton up in the process and striking David into the chin, the force of the attack causing him to fall backwards onto his back. Kick-Ass pounced on top of David, forcing the length on one of his batons over David's throat to try and choke him, but David grabbed his wrists and with near-total ease pried the baton off his throat before using the same hold to hurl Kick-Ass off of himself, sending him flying forward to crash back onto the ground. David rolled over and got back to his feet and charged at Kick-Ass, who had also gotten back to his feet. Kick-Ass swung both his batons down at David, whose hands shot out to grab his wrists before the weapons could connect with him.
Trapped by David's grasp, Kick-Ass brought his leg up and kicked against David's chest numerous times, and although he couldn't affect David with them, he was able to use it to propel himself backwards and out of David's hold. David swung his fist at Kick-Ass, the latter ducking under the attack before striking David's side several times with his baton, then ducking beneath David's swing that originated from his missed first swipe. Kick-Ass planted his baton-holding clenched arms on David's shoulder as a means of propelling himself upwards to drive his knee into David's side, doing this three times before hoisting himself up higher and bringing both his batons down onto David's head. Grunting in simple annoyance, David grabbed a hold of the scruff of Kick-Ass' outfit and swung him into the metal fence of the train station. Kick-Ass dodged his head to the side when David went for another punch, which ended up denting the metal.
Kick-Ass: Whoa! Wait, do you have actual powers, or are you just freakishly strong?
David Dunn:...Both.
Kick-Ass:...Cool. Yah!
Kick-Ass was suddenly forced to dodge his head to the side again when David went for another punch. This time, he darted himself forward to get behind David, grabbing both ends of a baton to pull it against David's throat, getting him in a choke-hold. David grasped at the baton against his throat as Kick-Ass clung onto him to keep him in his grasp. David gritted his teeth as he twisted around to try and dislodged his opponent before swinging his head backwards, cracking the back of his head against Kick-Ass' nose. Kick-Ass felt nothing thanks to his damaged nerves, even as blood leaking from his nose, and he kept his hold on David. However, it was still short-lived when David forced his forearms between the baton and his neck and wrenched them forward, tearing the baton out of both of Kick-Ass' hands. Kick-Ass fell onto his back at his hold on David was compromised, before hurriedly scooting backwards as David turned around and brought his foot down at him, leaving cracks in the ground where Kick-Ass had been a minute before. Kick-Ass rolled back to his feet and swung his remaining baton down at David, who sidestepped the attack before shooting his fist out and punching Kick-Ass in the chest, his superhuman strength sending him flying backwards to smash into the locked gates of the train station, denting the metal upon impact. Kick-Ass slumped forward before David rushed forward and grabbed his throat to pin him against the gate. As Kick-Ass began to black out due to his air being cut off, he was, however, able to take note of David's bare fist touching the metal gate and recall his own insulated suit. So he flicked a switch on his baton and activated its taser, pressing it against the metal gate so that the electric current flowed through it and into David's body, electrocuting him. David released Kick-Ass and stumbled back, letting Kick-Ass vault through the gates' gap and over the chain keeping it loosely closed. David gritted his teeth as he recovered from the shock, straightening back up and walking over to the gates, snapping the chain with his bare hands.
Meanwhile, now in the train station, Kick-Ass ran to hide behind the end of a shelter, breathing in repeatedly.
Suddenly, his baton pierced through the shelter's wall from behind, an inch away from his own head. Kick-Ass' head snapped around to stare at it in shock before David charged through the rest of the wall, smashing it to pieces and sending Kick-Ass flying forward to crash onto the concrete ground. Kick-Ass grunted as he rolled over and saw David coming at him again. Pressing the taser button on his baton against, Kick-Ass thrust it up at David, but this time he grabbed it and wrenched it out of his hand. Kick-Ass' eyes widened when David shot his hand down to grab him, and he rolled out of its path, snatching up the baton that David had thrown at him which now lay on the ground and jumping back to his feet.
With a yell, Kick-Ass charged at David, swinging the baton and slamming it across David's face multiple times. David didn't even blinked at the barrage before delivering a punch into Kick-Ass' side. Kick-Ass grunted, ignoring the breaking of a rib, and swung his remaining baton out to try and hit David. However, David still had at hand Kick-Ass' second baton, and he swung it at his opponent's own swing, the baton's spikes going into the back of his hand. Kick-Ass yelled in shock, dropping his remaining baton in the process, before David used the gruesome lock on Kick-Ass' hand to haul him forward to deliver a series of punches into his face and head. The intense barrage, enhanced by David's superhuman strength, began to overwhelm Kick-Ass' high pain tolerance, and soon he was feeling the damage stack up, leaving him limp, groaning in pain and coughing up blood as David held him up.
A sound of an oncoming train reached both their ears, and as it neared, David Dunn hoisted up Kick-Ass, whose eyes widened as he realized what he was intending. With perfect timing, David hurled Kick-Ass off the platform and into the path of the incoming train so that the speeding locomotive smashed straight into Kick-Ass' body, breaking it in its entirety and carrying his corpse away. David stood there a moment longer, looking at the train as it went by, before soon vanishing when the train completed its run through the station.
KO!
Outcome[]
Boomstick: Well that's one way to catch a train.
Wiz: Kick-Ass' martial arts training from Hit-Girl and his varied arsenal, which included a rather useful taser, didn't make this as much of an uneven battle as one might expect, but in some ways it kinda still was.
Boomstick: Mainly because David actually had real superpowers, unlike Kick-Ass, whose pain tolerance was stated to be less a power and more a hindrance according to Mr. Egghead here.
Wiz: Well, I do stand by my point, but the fact of the matter is Kick-Ass just lacked the means to reliably out-muscle or hurt David, who could bend metal and survive being in the middle of massive collisions. But there is something worth talking about in regards to Kick-Ass.
Popup: This durability lends further credibility to the odds of David surviving a gunshot, so even if Kick-Ass had one on had, which is unlikely as one isn't part of his standard arsenal, it ultimately wouldn't do much good.
Boomstick: Like Elijah Price, or Mr. Glass as he came to be known, Kick-Ass was an avid reader and fan of comic books, and knew all of the tropes, including superhero weaknesses, so he might have tried to figure out something similar to David and his weakness to water.
Wiz: But the thing was it would require rather specific circumstances for Kick-Ass to figure this out, like an arena filled with water. And whilst Kick-Ass can be quick-witted, he's not much of a strategist that he would probably figure that out in the midst of battle. Finally, whilst Kick-Ass' pain tolerance let him truck on for a long time, it could be overwhelmed with enough damage, something David Dunn's superhuman strength would let him achieve.
Boomstick: He was Dunn for.
Wiz: The winner is David Dunn.
Next Time[]
Extradimensional horrors
Feed on children
Trivia[]
- Connections: Both are realistic and more grounded superhero vigilantes who possess heightened invulnerability and dress prominently in green. Ironically, whilst Kick-Ass's dad is a security guard, David Dunn is one as well. Coincidentally, both also have the first name Dave.
- Animation Style: Live action.
- OST Idea: 'Breaking Kick', referring to the title of David Dunn's movie Unbreakable, and Kick-Ass's own name.