Description[]
Star Wars vs. Metal Gear! It's a battle of cyborgs with dark pasts and badass blades. Who will slash apart the other?
Interlude[]
Boomstick: I will never get tired of how badass cyborgs are. And you know how to make them even better?
Wiz: Give them a sword that cuts through anything?
Boomstick: Exactly! Like Darth Vader, the deadly Sith Lord.
Wiz: And Raiden, the cyborg Ninja.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armors and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Darth Vader[]
Wiz: Born to a slave family on the desert planet of Tatooine, Anakin Skywalker was separated from his family after a bet at the age of 3.
Boomstick: Aw, do we really have to talk about the prequels? Can't we just skip to the badass parts?
Wiz: We'll get there. Anyways, at a young age, he showed amazing skills in podracing and robotics, building the droid C-3PO. At the age of nine, he met the Jedi Master Qui-Gonn Jinn and his allies while they were trying to fix their ship.
Boomstick: And I guess something just clicked with Qui-Gonn that made him believe "Yep, this kid's the protagonist".
Wiz:Well, he had an extremely high midichlorian count. These are kind of like special.. Force cells. At the time, there was a battle between the races living on the planet Naboo, so the Jedi were sent to deal with it. Of course, Qui-Gonn Jinn died. After his death, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi informed Skywalker that he would begin his training as a Jedi Padawan.
Boomstick: And the kid actually did pretty well; but he became a dick. And the older he got, the angrier he got.
Wiz: Anakin's anger and arrogance were his ultimate downfall, as he fell towards the Dark Side of the Force.
Boomstick: So one day on Coruscant, Mace Windu and the big bad Palpatine were battling, Skywalker comes in and pretty much fucks Windu over. Shame, maybe if he hadn't there would've been more black Jedi.
Wiz: WIth this, Anakin knew he couldn't go back and pledged himself to the Dark Side. Then, after a fateful duel with Obi-Wan, Anakin was torn apart and near-death when the evil Empire stepped in and gave him cybernetic enhancements to keep him alive. From this day on, he would be known as the fearsome galactic tyrant... Darth Vader.
Boomstick: Now we're talking! Vader is much more powerful AND badass than his original counterpart. His force abilities include Force Barrier, a barrier... well, made out of the Force; Force Healing, Force Choke, Force Amplification, telekinesis, pyrokinesis and the like, and the always effective mind-rape! Hell, that's only scratching the surface.
Wiz: He is standardly equipped with his red lightsaber, which you have probably wanted since you were a kid. And even when he is injured, he can sustain his life for several hours with power of the force.
Boomstick: He sure is a FORCE to be reckoned with! Ha... ha.
Darth Vader: "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force."
Raiden[]
Wiz: On a rainy day in Liberia, Jack, last name unknown, was born. In his youth, during the First Liberian Civil War, he was adopted by Solidus Snake, real name George Sears, who became his godfather after killing his parents. At a young age, Jack was enlisted into the military where he would become a powerful killing machine.
Boomstick: Jesus.
Wiz:...Like I was saying, Raiden was exceptionally deadly at a young age. This earned him the nickname Jack the Ripper.
Boomstick: So like any dad in fiction would do, Solidus Snake abandoned him, just like my dad did to me. Motherfucker said he was getting pizza. Anyways, Jack pretty much regretted his life, so he joined a task force with Solid Snake to fuck up the bad guys.
Wiz: ...what? Uh, also, here comes the twist, they were really being controlled by The Patriots, a group bent on world domination.
Boomstick: What group isn't bent on world domination? Also, Jack met a girl named Rose who he got pregnant, and there was this whole thing with a miscarriage and it was to trick the Patriots and it's kinda confusing.
Wiz: Well, now it gets exciting. One day, Raiden was captured by the same group and tested on with cybernetic parts, turning him into the cyborg badass we all know and love.
Boomstick: He can do some pretty insane shit. He can outrun fucking bullet trains and even run up walls if he wants to. And he can even throw a fucking Metal Gear REX! Those things are huge, if you didn't know.
Wiz: It gets better, too. He got a second enhancement later on, making him even more powerful. He also got his signature Blade, the Murasama. What makes it so special is its high-frequency technology. The speeds the blade vibrates are so high that it constantly weakens the molecular bond of whatever it touches. Basically, with enough hits, it could cut almost anything.
Boomstick: And here's my personal favorite part: he gained a transformation of sorts called "Jack the Ripper". This literally turns off his pain. So basically, he can keep fighting until he dies. It does highly drain his fuel resources, though... but still. Badass. That's one cyborg ninja I wouldn't mess with.
Wiz: What cyborg ninja would you mess with?
Vamp: "You, too... Immortal?"
Raiden: "No. I just don't fear death."
Pre-Fight[]
Some city, somewhere on Earth...
The Sith Lord Darth Vader led his group of Stormtroopers through the carnage that was the many destroyed buildings and dead people, along with many Gekkos seemingly split apart. The planet was on the verge of being fully conquered.
Nearby...
The man know as Raiden leapt across rooftops, until he notices the trend: Buildings destroyed, people killed. The strangest thing was that some of them seemed to have no visible physical damage... like their insides had been destroyed.
He stopped quickly atop a regular building and looked down at the carnage, instantly spotting the group of men in white suits and the one in the black armor, who must have been their leader. Were these the people that caused all this?
At ridiculous speeds, Raiden jumped down, Murasama in hand, towards the Stormtroopers. They barely even reacted before he slammed into the ground, causing chunks of ground to fly everywhere. When Raiden stood up, it seemed that all that was left was several arms and legs.
The man known as Darth Vader turned slowly to face his assailant. The two locked eyes.
There was silence... then, Raiden lifted his Murasama as Vader activated his lightsaber.
Fight![]
As a first tactic, Raiden rushed towards Vader, ready to end it quickly with one powerful strike, but Vader instantly held out his lightsaber to counter him. Their blades clashed, their physical strength to be the deciding factor.
Seems his sword is as good as mine, Raiden thought to himself. In a burst of strength, he forced his blade forward, overpowering Vader and sending him back, crashing through a building which then collapsed right on top of him.
Raiden waited, with no response. He turned to leave, seemingly already victorious. But of course it wouldn't be that easy...
Vader became visible again as he stood up from the wreckage, debris flying in several directions, like an invisible explosion. One knocked Raiden in the head. He didn't even budge.
He turned to face his opponent, now quite pissed. Again, Raiden dashed towards the Sith Lord and brought down his sword- only to be knocked back by what looked like... nothing.
"I have you now," Vader spoke clearly.
Vader simply moved his hand, ans suddenly Raiden began to feel like something was constricting his whole body, as he was picked up off the ground and tossed through the air slamming through walls and into wreckage.
Vader walked casually towards Raiden. The man never seemed to feel fear, or worry at all.
Once more, Raiden picked himself up and drew his blade. Darth Vader continued, slowly, towards him. This time, Raiden had a different tactic in mind.
He waited. Vader was close enough. Raiden took his chance and rushed at him. This time, Vader did not prepare himself for an attack, as Raiden instead sharply turned to the side before reaching him and dashed up the side of a building. He leapt across rooftops, trying to gain a distance.
He stopped and thought of how Vader had seemed to understand his actions before he had even finished them. However, he was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. He didn't have to turn around to know what was happening.
"Damn it... How do you do that?!" Raiden yelled.
"The power to cut anything in insignificant compared to the power of the Force," the Sith Lord responded.
"What?!" Raiden was above aggravated. This was it. He jumped off the building, Vader following, both slamming their blades into the other. The impact was powerful enough to knock them both back after only a second.
They both landed feet first, and this time Vader made the first move. He tossed the lightsaber towards Raiden swirling in the air like a boomerang... Sailing right past him.
"You missed."
Vader stood silently.
"I said you mis-"
HACK
The light saber came flying right back - straight through Raiden's arm. He staggered for a moment.
"Surrender! You are no match for the Dark Side of the Force," Vader attempted to convince his opponent.
For a moment, Raiden did not speak. "Pain... Pain is what drives me TO FIGHT!" He finally shouted.
His eye glared red. He had entered his Jack the Ripper state. The climax of the battle was now.
At speeds beyond human comprehension, they clashed, blade for blade, Murasama for Lightsaber. With each strike, sparks flew in every direction from both sides. For a brief moment, it seemed as though they could have had a stalemate...
No.
Raiden jumped back, ready to end the fight in one powerful, potent strike. But something happened he didn't expect.
As if instantly, the brief instance which Raiden had moved forward, Vader had moved a such a speed even Raiden could barely understand; like he had waited to put all his energy into that one movement
Vader now stood behind him,lightsaber deactivated, like he was finished. The two stood, silently, back to back...
Until yet another sickening hack! was made apparent; the sound of Raiden's torso being ripped apart, sliding off the rest of his body. It fell onto the ground, his legs then following after. He was defeated.
K.O![]
Vader telekinetically lifted the Murasama from Raiden's fallen body to his own hand without even turning around. An interesting weapon. A shame the man had to go; trained in the dark ways, he would have made a powerful Sith..
Results[]
Boomstick: Holy shit!
Wiz: This was a close fight. Actually, at a baseline, it seemed Raiden might win since his stats seem to be better. However, that would be Vader completely without the use of the Force..
Boomstick: With his powers amplified by the Force, Raiden didn't stand a chance. He's faster, with reactions at the fucking speed of light! He's more powerful and durable as well, being able to battle and survive against people like Galen Marek and Darth Sidious, who are believed to top out at god damn country to continent busting! My god.
Wiz: And the lightsaber, while maybe inferior in how it cuts, could not be destroyed aside from the hilt by the Murasama.
Boomstick: Looks like Raiden just wasn't suited to make the cut.
Wiz: The winner is Darth Vader.
Results