Template:Infobox seasonless episodeDarth Maul vs Travis Touchdown is a What-if? episode of Death Battle by CyberDragon001, featuring Darth Maul from Star Wars and Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes.
Description[]
Star Wars vs No More Heroes. These two laser sword-wielding assassins engage in a fight to the death. Which one is the most skilled? Which will come out as the top assassin?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Assassins. The silent, but deadly killers that operate within the shadows, striking where it hurts most with precision and professionalism
Boomstick: Screw professionalism that can be really boring! It's better to just solve your problems the old-fashioned way; specifically beating the living crap out of someone with your bare fists and maybe cutting them to ribbons with your less than subtle laser sword.
Wiz: As is the case with Darth Maul; Sidious' first apprentice
Boomstick: And Travis Touchdown; the No More Hero. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle!
Darth Maul[]
Wiz: For countless millennia the noble Jedi Order has battled the insidious Sith, neither of them were able to fully exterminate the other.
Boomstick: That is until the Sith Order thought it was a good idea to create a weapon capable of absorbing force users. Surprise surprise it exploded in their faces, destroying the remaining Sith Order...well except one.
Wiz: This survivor was a man called Darth Bane. He actually was the one responsible for the destruction of the Sith in the first place and wanted to rebuild the Order from the ground up, thereby avoiding the powerplays between backstabbing Sith Lords. Thus the Rule of Two was created, a Master with the power and an Apprentice to craved it.
Boomstick: So pretty much a murder orgy, but on the bright side this rule has allowed the Sith to remain hidden from the Jedi for a thousand years! Hey, you can't complain about results.
Wiz: At the conclusion of the Rule of Two, it had produced the most powerful Sith of all; Darth Sidious who in turn adopted his first apprentice who he dubbed; Darth Maul.
Boomstick: A pretty accurate name as he mauled his enemies!
Wiz: Auughh. Anyway, Darth Maul is a member of an alien species called the Zebrak. These horned humanoids are well renowned throughout the galaxy for their high tolerance to physical pain, making them a dedicated and intense species.
Boomstick: Though Darth Maul himself came from the Nightbrothers clan on the planet of Dathomir, which was ruled by a bunch of sexy space witches! After he was taken by Darth Raisin the young Maul spent the first years of his life training on the lava planet Mustafar. That's very foreshadowing if you all know what I'm talking about.
Wiz: The young Assassin's hatred for the Sith's enemy the Jedi grow as his training continued. He was put through various torturous exercises and learned many martial arts to become Darth Sidious' personal assassin. One of these fighting disciplines was Teräs Käsi.
Boomstick: Teras what?
Wiz: Teräs Käsi otherwise known as Steel Hand, is a martial art specifically created for non-force users to combat Jedi. This fighting style allowed the user to develop extreme speed and anticipate strikes, turning their own body into a weapon.
Boomstick: When you apply that martial art with an actual Sith that has got to be a deadly combination against any Jedi, at least in hand-to-hand.
Wiz: Right, Darth Maul like all Sith Assassins is also trained in Lightsaber combat. His main style is Form Seven also known as Juyo; the most vicious and intense form.
Boomstick: Basically it focuses purely on offense making Darth Maul a chaotic and erratic fighter. Though Maul didn't focus purely on offense, he was trained in Ata...rai? and Noo..man?
Wiz: Ataru and Niman
Boomstick: I had it! Anyway the At one is known as the aggressive form of lightsaber combat which allows the user to jump all over the place like a frog on steroids and the Man one gives Maul a fair balance of all previous lightsaber forms for the price of one and allows him to use the force in conjunction with his lightsaber moves.
Wiz: But most importantly Niman serves as a gateway to Jar'Kai duel fencing which allows Darth Maul to utilize two lightsaber blades in combat.
Boomstick: Or in his case, the badass saberstaff!
Wiz: The saberstaff was developed by Darth Maul out of necessity and given the rarity of the weapon it caught most opponents off-guard. Working more as a novelty weapon then anything else.
Boomstick: Nah, I say he made it because of how awesome it looked! As a plus, it was effective against multiple opponents and he is able to spin it fast enough to form a blast shield.
Wiz: While he is a master martial artist, stealth expert, tactical genius, and lightsaber combatant, he is exceptionally strong in the force. He is able to telekinetically move objects and people with his mind, enhance his strength, speed, and morale, use it to conceal his dark nature from Jedi, gain precognition, and even use it to enhance his scream that can ripple through the force itself.
Boomstick: Though most importantly he can choke the living hell out his targets just like any good Sith would.
Wiz: And though he rarely ever uses it given his silent nature, Darth Maul is skilled in Dun Möch
Boomstick: Which is basically the art of excessive taunting, like your average Call of Duty player.
Wiz: Well it's more than that. Dun Möch is a tactic utilized by the Sith to demoralize their opponents either by said taunting or pelting them with numerous objects from all directions making them less focused and precise in the middle of a fight. Though if not used carefully it can easily cause their foe to fight even harder with anger instead of withdrawing in fear.
Boomstick: With all these skills learned, Darth Maul had become a living weapon powered by hatred and was sent on numerous missions by Palpatine. Until the day came to reveal himself to the Jedi!
Wiz: And that was during the crisis on Naboo where he fought the young Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Master Qui-Gon Jinn whom he promptly killed.
Boomstick: While killing Liam Neeson is quite the accomplishment, he soon dropped the ball when Obi-Wan made him half the man he was. Hehe.
Wiz: Surprisingly this wouldn't be the end of the Sith Assassin, by sheer hatred alone he survived being cut in half, the tremendous fall down a reactor pit, and somehow ended up on a junkyard planet where he built himself a new spider body and remained for twelve years with his sanity slowly chipped away. The only memory he clung onto was of the one who brought about his downfall. Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Boomstick: Long story short when he was found by his totally not out of nowhere brother, his mind was restored by a space witch, who turned out to be his mother, and he was given robot chicken legs and then later actual cybernetic legs. He rampaged across the galaxy looking to form a new criminal empire to fight against the Jedi and his Sith Master. He even ruled the Mandalorians for a time, but even then good things can't last forever.
Wiz: Darth Maul is certainly a fearsome and determined Sith Lord. He has killed numerous Jedi Masters including some of the best fighters of the order, matched the Jedi hunter General Grievous, resisted Force Lightning from a Nightsister, and killed numerous clone troopers on the eve of Order 66, all without a lightsaber.
Boomstick: He is one of the few individuals that can fight Darth Sidious for longer than an instant, singlehandedly decimated the entire Black Sun organization by killing all their leaders, and effortlessly defeats his blood brother; Savage Oppress who once fought both Anakin and Obi-wan to a standstill. If that wasn't enough this guy is so hardcore that during his trial to become a Sith Lord he was isolated on a desolate world and hunted down by a seemingly endless army of assassin droids all with little to no rest for an entire month and he managed to destroy all his attackers!! What a badass!
Wiz: Though there is a good reason why he's not the most powerful Sith Lord around. While he is exceptionally strong in the force, Maul prefers to defeat his opponents through physical combat only falling back on the force when absolutely necessary. According to his master, while Maul is a skilled warrior he is not a one-man army by any means. Keep in mind he was trained to be an Assassin, not a true Sith Lord.
Boomstick: But like all Sith, he isn't exactly the spitting image of sunshine and rainbows. He is a vessel of pure rage and hatred which along with his overconfidence and arrogance can cloud his judgment in a fight. Just to put more salt into the wound, he could never truly defeat that poster boy; Obi-Wan Kenobi. Even when the guy was basically near the end of his life. Very disappointing.
Wiz: Though not many would survive the things he has gone through and lived to tell the tale. There were very few who can match the Sith Assassin; Darth Maul.
Darth Maul: In a galaxy at war, Savage, there is only one way to get the attention of the Jedi. Slaughter of the innocent, mercilessly and without compromise.
Travis Touchdown[]
Boomstick: The city of Santa Destroy, California is not a place anyone could easily make a living in and from me that's saying a lot.
Wiz: I would have to agree with you, Boomstick. Santa Destroy is known for its seediness and lack of education. While the absence of crime might paint it as a safe town, that's far from the truth as it is plagued by the United Assassins Association.
Boomstick: Which is composed of individuals who I never guess would be assassins. While life was all sunshine and murders this organization would be rocked to its very core by one man.
Wiz: And that man is Travis Touchdown.
Boomstick: Travis is your typical antisocial nerd who loves watching anime and playing video games. He has your stereotypical tragic and complex past where his parents were killed by his childhood love; Jeane, and he was left to fend for himself. Is it just me or does it feel like this type of backstory has been done to death?
Wiz: One fateful night when he was drinking at a bar he met a woman named Sylvia who so happens to be an agent for the UAA. She convinced him to join the organization by killing its 11th ranked member.
Boomstick: He accepted to get some money to buy more video games because screw getting a normal job. Though he also most likely wanted to get laid with Sylvia. I guess I can't really blame him, who could say no to that pretty face?
Wiz: To pursue this dangerous lifestyle Travis had to be ready with his primary weapon. A beam katana called "Blood Berry" that he won from an online auction.
Boomstick: Wait he got that thing from an auction?! Man, I should really get into this eBay thing, I might be able to find myself a nuke shooter!
Wiz: Keep dreaming, Boomstick. Keep dreaming.
Boomstick: For being a nerd, Travis is stronger and faster than the average human and he is a surprisingly decent fighter. He at one point in his life wanted to become a pro wrestler as you can tell by the way he takes his opponents down to suplex city!!
Wiz: He learned how to use a sword from Yakuza member; Thunder Ryu and learned other secret techniques from the town drunk. With these skills in hand Travis effortlessly killed the assassin and took 11th place on the totem pole. Though this made him a huge target for other aspiring assassins.
Boomstick: I know I defended his actions earlier, but screw that! I don't care how hot this lady is, just order a couple of magazines or whatever anime junkies get off on and he will be fine.
Wiz: Though despite the dangerous ramifications, Travis was up to the challenge. He knew that it wouldn't be an easy road, but luckily he also has Dr. Naomi. A scientist who designs all of Travis' weapons.
Boomstick: She even made him a freaking mech suit! Wonder if she has a business card.
Wiz: Dr. Naomi does research and development on a multitude of beam katanas for Travis to use because let's admit it. The "Blood Berry" isn't exactly top of the line and it has a limited charge which can be inconvenient in the middle of a fight.
Boomstick: Nothing sexual about that at all. The good doctor is responsible for creating the Tsubaki Mark's 1-3. The first model is basically a prototype very similar in appearance to the "Blood Berry" but more durable. The second model is more complete than the previous model, but as you can tell it has five beams instead of the usual one, it trades speed for strength making it one of his more powerful beam katanas. But it is required to be held with two hands.
Wiz: The Tsubaki Mk-III while not as powerful as the Mk-II, is Travis' most reliable beam katana. Based off of the late Thunder Ryu's beam katana, the MK-III operates at maximum capacity and never has to be recharged.
Boomstick: Think that's all his weapons? We are just getting started! Naomi was also responsible for creating the Peony. Like the Tsubaki MK-II, it's required to be used with two hands, but the blade expands and contracts based on the user's ki. Who the hell came up with this idea? Were the developers having a field day on dick jokes?
Wiz: Anyway, his final weapon, or more accurately two, are the Rose Nasty. They are a pair of curved red blades that were given to Travis as a gift from his best friend who was killed by the mafia. These blades provide a lot of versatility and allow Travis to blitz an opponent with a series of slash combos.
Boomstick: Holy crap, that is a lot of weapons!
Wiz: That's not the end of it. Travis has numerous other abilities that he can access in the middle of a fight.
Boomstick: He can enter into an Ecstasy Mode which gives him an adrenaline rush enhancing his strength and speed for a limited time. Also, he can somehow transform into a freaking tiger! Is he an animorph?
Wiz: But those pale in comparison to his most powerful ability. When he delivers a death blow against a minion he enters his Dark Side Mode.
Boomstick: No comment.
Wiz: In this mode, three slots appear and depending on which icons appear in a row he can use five different techniques.
Boomstick: If he matches three grasshoppers he gets the 'Strawberry on the Shortcake' technique. This causes Travis to go super Saiyan and obliterate all his targets in a fast motion.
Wiz: If Travis matches three Bells he receives the 'Blueberry Cheese Brownie' technique.
Boomstick: What's with this guys deal with names?
Wiz: This allows him to fire waves of energy at his targets from his beam katana. Matching three BARs activates his 'Cranberry Chocolate Sundae' technique, which somehow turns the entire environment monochrome and turns him into a slow juggernaut of power that is able to execute mooks.
Boomstick: Matching three 7s gives him the 'Anarchy in the Galaxy' technique, which I might add sounds pretty badass, allows him to briefly stop time and rain down lasers of pink death!!
Wiz: For his final technique when he matches three Cherries he activates, um 'Cherry'.
Boomstick: What the hell? Was Travis running out of naming ideas? That's like if I called my Shotgun: 'Shotgun'.
Wiz: Well this technique does slow down time to a crawl and allow him to easily kill his opponents, so there's that.
Boomstick: If you say so, Wiz. I could come up with a better name, just saying.
Wiz: Really? Like what?
Boomstick: Time Stopper? No, Time Crawler! Maybe...
Wiz: Just stop before you make a fool of yourself, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Oh damnit!
Wiz: With these weapons and abilities at his disposal it's no wonder that Travis is able to make his way into 1st place in the UAA on two separate occasions.
Boomstick: He has fought and killed multiple assassins notable ones include; Death Metal, Destroyman, Shinobu, Captain Vladimir, Margaret Moonlight, Alice Twilight, and even his former love and half-sister: Jeane.
Wiz: He has destroyed a giant robot that can create earthquakes, a murderous magician, an undead pyromaniac, and he has fought evenly with his long lost brother; Henry.
Boomstick: This guy is so tough that he shrugged off being impaled, tanked multiple point-blank grenade blasts as if they were nothing, and he's fast enough to swat multiple bullets and laser beams out of the air.
Wiz: If that wasn't enough he can somehow will himself to ignore death and keep fighting.
Boomstick: Holy hell, did this guy sell his soul to the freaking devil? That does explain a lot.
Wiz: Well, either way, Travis Touchdown does have his shortcomings. He can be easily overconfident, has been caught off guard and tricked numerous times, and while he is quick-witted, he usually goes in swords swinging without any sort of strategy in mind. Honestly, the only reason he's still alive is because of dumb luck.
Boomstick: Hey with someone like Travis why bother using your head when you have a laser sword?
Wiz: Well regardless, Travis Touchdowns actions of murdering these hired killers caused him to be viewed as a no more hero by the citizens of Santa Destroy.
Boomstick: Not bad. Travis really does make me cast whole new respect to nerds.
Wiz: Aww thanks, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Except you, your helpless.
Wiz: Ohhh...
Skelter Helter is waiting on a rooftop of a skyscraper. He waits for an elevator to reach the top floor, where he is. Just before the doors open, he shoots the elevator multiple times, believing Travis Touchdown to be inside. The doors open revealing only a robe. Travis appears behind Skelter Helter and holds his katana to Skelter Helter's neck
Travis Touchdown: It's called fashionably late, fuckface
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Batttllleeee!!!!!!
Death Battle[]
In the streets of Santa Destroy, California there is very little life present. Though that silence is drowned out by the engine of a passing motorcycle. It is soon identified as Travis Touchdown's motorcycle; The Schpeltiger, which continues to speed down the road. There is a ringing noise, Travis reaches to his phone and places it to his ear to answer the call.
Travis: What do you have for me, Sylvia?
Sylvia: Travis I have another target for you.
Travis: Oh really? Well, as long as it's not Jasper Batt Jr. then I'll be fine.
Sylvia: Careful Travis, this assassin...we have nothing on him.
Travis: Hmm, a new competitor I assume?
Sylvia: Most likely, you will find him at hotel "No More Heroes".
Travis: Huh, getting a strong sense of deja vu.
Sylvia: Wish you luck, and be careful Travis.
Travis: Hey this is me you're talking about.
Travis hangs up the phone and reves his motorcycle into top speed, making a beeline straight for the hotel he stays at. Travis arrives in the parking look and parks his motorcycle. He notices a cloaked figure in the middle of the parking lot, just standing motionless.
Travis: Ahh Henry, should've known it was you. If you wanted a rematch you could've called me.
Travis said as he dismounts his bike to meet with the figure who turns around to greet him.
Darth Maul: You are gravely mistaken, Mr. Touchdown.
Travis realizing he had mistaken the figure for someone else stands in shock.
Travis: Who the hell are you?
Darth Maul: I will allow my master to explain.
The hooded individual replied and took out a small circular device which proceeds to move on it's own away from the figure's hand and gently floats to the ground. The device activates projecting another hooded figure from it who is so large, Travis has to crane his neck to meet the other's gaze.
Darth Sidious: Greetings Travis Touchdown. I am Darth Sidious I have heard of your, formidable reputation as an assassin.
Travis folds his arms in a very casual fashion, the initial shock wearing off.
Travis: I assume you didn't exactly come here to make small talk.
Darth Sidious: You are very straight to the point Mr. Touchdown, I like that. Which is why I am offering you a position as my personal assassin.
Travis: That's very generous of you, though what is in it for me?
Darth Sidious: You will gain a wider reputation then you currently do as the Number One assassin of the UAA. On top of that, you will have treasures and power that a person such as yourself could only dream of.
Travis places his thumb and index finger on his chin, pondering about it briefly.
Travis: Hmm, a very tempting offer. Though I suspect there is a catch to such a proposition.
Darth Sidious: Indeed there is, you will have to defeat my Apprentice; Darth Maul.
The figure directs his hand toward the first hooded figure behind him who reveals his face and throws off his cloak revealing himself completely. Travis briefly sizes him up and then looks back toward the hologram.
Travis: Hmm, ok I'll bite.
Darth Sidious: Excellent, I look forward to the outcome.
The hologram deactivates, leaving the two assassins to their own devices. Travis Touchdown pulls out his 'Blood Berry' and Maul pulls out his double-bladed lightsaber. Travis activates his weapon first, full of confidence.
Travis: This should be easy, I eat punks bigger than you for breakfast.
Darth Maul smirks.
Darth Maul: Trust me, you haven't faced anyone quite like me.
The Sith Assassin activates his double-bladed saber, swirling it around with elegance before forming into an attack stance. Travis looked a bit worried, but he shakes it off before getting into his own pose.
Travis: It's game time!
Fight!!
Travis yells a battle cry as he charges Maul dragging his blade behind him. Maul is ready for him and parries his blows responding with a flurry of strikes from his saber staff which Travis easily blocks and dodges.
Travis charges again swinging his beam saber horizontally, though this time Maul bends backward dodging the swing and springs back using both of his legs to kick Travis back sending him flying. The younger combatant lands and rolls backward to recover from the fall.
Travis: Heh, you're good. Really good.
Maul gives him a serious and focused stare as he really doesn't care about Travis' compliment and charges at him. Travis prepares for the onslaught this time. Maul spins his lightsaber fast enough for it to seem like the front of him was covered in a red forcefield briefly putting Travis off guard but he reacts quick enough to block the first blade and dodges a swing from the second and then the first, it is all coming too quickly for the gamer.
Though surprisingly he was able to match Maul blow for blow, eventually putting them into a saber lock. Both opponents stare daggers at the other, divided by only their beam weapons. Travis' beam katana then turns off.
Travis Touchdown: Oh come on! Not now!
Darth Maul looks at him confusingly seemingly unsure if it was a trick or if he was using such a low-end lightsaber. Without risking it, Maul uses a Force Push which sends Travis flying across the parking lot of hotel "No More Heroes". The nerd skids a couple of times across the concrete before trashing into a dumpster, causing many garbage bags and other disgusting items to fly out. Travis holds his head in pain and gets onto his feet.
He quickly looks toward Maul who is staring at him, Travis looks at his inactive beam katana and back to Maul who realizes his previous caution was misplaced. The Sith Assassin jumps high toward Travis preparing the cut him in half. Travis shakes his saber as fast as he can, shaking it faster as Maul got closer.
Maul is on top of his opponent, but instead of his blade meeting flesh like he had hoped it met the blade of now active "Blood Berry". Travis smirked at him as if taunting him. Maul grits his teeth a bit, mildly frustrated.
Both combatants exchange lightsaber blows a couple of times, Travis is obviously is more about brute force than anything else while Maul is much more agile and acrobatic. As both trade blows Maul manages to skillfully disarm the assassin, sending the 'Blood Berry' aside.
"Oh crap." Travis said in surprise
While Travis was briefly distracted he reacted quickly enough to dance past some of Maul's swings, but was caught completely off guard from a spinning hook kick to the chest sending him into his motorcycle, which caused some of his other beam katanas. Noticing them he scrambles to pick one.
Maul twirls his saberstaff as he charges the distracted Travis, preparing to put an end to this miserable man of an assassin. Though before he can even attack the assassin activated what appeared to be a more sleek version of his previous weapon and made a wide swing at Maul who easily blocked it.
"See what happens when you corner a wild animal, asshole!"
Maul raises an eyebrow seemingly unimpressed, but before he could react Travis proceeds to headbutt him. This proved enough of a distraction for Travis to perform a suplex on the Zabrak, cracking the concrete from the impact.