Dan Vs Eric Cartman is a What If Death Battle by Pure King of Rage.
Description[]
Dan Vs South Park: Two Wrathful Characters that would go through extreme lengths to get revenge and have an idiot best friend/accomplice by their side. Would Dan get his revenge or would Cartman get Dan to respect his authority? Let's Find out.
Intro[]
Revenge, an factor in a person exact punishment or vengeance on someone for something they did to that said person in the past. In these two combatants represent this.
- Like Dan the Seeker of Vengeance
- And Eric Cartman the Meanest Kid in South Park
I'm Pure King of Rage and it's my job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle.
Dan[]
Once upon a time in the city called Los Angles California, There lived a short angry man who had one thing on his mind: Revenge and his name was Dan.
Bio[]
- Age: 27
- Aliases: Dan Man, Bat Boy, Biff wellington
- Occupation: Unknown
- Pets: Mr. Mumbles
Born and Raised in Los Angles California to abusive parents and while Dan's childhood is a mystery to the viewers and others, hints of it from the series made it sound pretty bad and possibly gruesome. Dan never had that many friends and sometime later his parents forced him to join a corrupted summer camp for boys. It was there he befriended chris and he became his only friend into adulthood. It was that point on Dan's life gotten stranger and more agressive, and over the years he has gotten more angry and grown to hate everything. With his best friend chris and his wife elise, Dan when on a lifetime journey of Revenge.
Feats[]
- Defeated New Mexico
- Froze Canada
- Escaped a Haunted Graveyard
- Got his imposter thrown in jail
- Outsmarted and Defeated a Demon
- Defeated a Superman like hero
- Defeated a Robot version of himself
- Nearly Started World War 3 just to kill a squirell
- Despite being just a ordinary being, Dan revenge streak has a history of succeeding and some of which wouldn't been have been possible without help chris and elise and some he had accompish on his own. Also Dan has an assortment of weapons and skills that had helped him pull through some of these feats.
Weapons and Skills[]
- Axe
- Brass Knuckles
- Chainsaw
- Fight Dancing
- Crossbow
- Dentist Bear
- Lighter
- Baseball bat
- Drill
- Fake Magic Wand
- Knight's Armor
He has Brass knuckles that can pierce through skin, an axe that can chop down trees and can crack a skull, and he has this thing call fight dancing, which involves fighting and dancing, and he learned this technique from an old man, while trapped in an deserted city full of mindless dance crazed zombies... yeah this really happen.
While all this may seem impressive, Dan in reality is a jerk and He also has his faults as well.
Weaknesses[]
- Doesn't do well against Guns or Stabbing weapons
- Lactose Intolerance
- He can make terrible decisions
- Doesn't Know when to quit
- Can be easily knock out despite durability
- Can be subdued by stronger opponents
- Will put his life on the line if it means getting revenge.
Dan is extremely childish and while he may be the ultimate seeker of vengeance, his revenge schemes take a lot effort and planning, some of his revenge schemes were accomplish by dumb luck and some wouldn't be possible if didn't had help. He's very stubborn, sometimes doesn't take things seriously, and is quick to anger.
Despite this Dan is an extremely risk taker and is the ultimate revenge maker and if something angers him, he won't stop until he gets his revenge.
Elise: Anybody want anything?
Dan: Only my sweet, sweet revenge! And maybe some peanut brittle.
Eric Cartman[]
South Park is one of the craziest tv shows to ever air on television. This show features abortions, nazi zombies, and basically any crazy thing you can think of. But south park also houses one of the meanest kids to ever walk the planet, and his name is Eric Cartman.
Bio[]
- Full name: Eric theodore Cartman
- Age: 10
- Aliases: The Coon, Wizard
- Occupation: Sudent, youtuber, superhero, etc.
- Origin: South Park
Born and raised in south park colorado to single mother, the lack of fatherhood in his life made cartman such a spoil brat. He met his friends stan, kyle, and kenny at pretty young age and together they when on multiple adventures through out the show.
They helped saved south park from a godzilla-like creature, encounter aliens several times, and basically any crazy thing you can think.
As the show goes on, Cartman also has assortment of weapons and skills.
Powers, Skills, and Weapons[]
- V-Chip
- Alien Probe
- Sumo Wrestling Skills
- Flaming Farts
- Knife
- Bear Mace
- Baseball Bat
- Chainsaw
- Hand Gun
- Taser Gun
With this impressive arsenal, Cartman had accomplish a lot of crazy feats along the way.
Feats[]
- Manipulated cthulu into performing numerous terrorist acts against cities, individuals, and assorted groups
- Survived being struck by lighting
- Had the parents of a child murdered, turned into chili, and fed to the said child
- Survived a giant alien probe coming out of his ass
- Survived attacks from Thugs, Aliens, Monsters, etc.
- Helped save the earth a couple of times
While all these may seem impressive, Cartman in reality is a spoiled brat. He has a very large criminal record and has only or rarely been arrested for it six times, He's did things so messed up like trying to end all Jews and restart the holocaust, fed babies crack, stealing, terrorism, etc.
You might be asking this, can anything stop this demon child? Well yes he does have a lot of faults as well.
Weaknesses[]
- He's an asshole
- Kind of a pussy
- Has been easily beaten up by almost everyone in south park including wendy, kyle, and token
- Not much of a Fighter
- He's extremely fat
- He's extremely arrogant
While Cartman may be a fat manipulative racist sociopath, He's also experienced a lot of karama. His antics are now shown to cause more harm to himself than others, he's at times been outsmarted by not only his enemies, but his friends as well.
Despite all this Eric Cartman is a force to reckon with and the one thing to be sure is don't *beep* with Eric Cartman and respect his authority.
Eric Cartman: Hey don't call me fat buttfucker!
Intermission[]
Alright the combatants are set. It's time for me to end this debate once and for all.
It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
One sunny afternoon, Dan was seen walking through south park (How he ended up there is unknown), when he spots something glowing behind a dumpster inside a dark alley. "That seems odd" said Dan as he then walks over to the direction of the glow.
Dan walks behind the dumpster and sees a bag full of gold dollar coins glowing in the sun. "Strange, what would a bag of full of coins be doing behind here? It must have left behind by some criminal or something? Oh well finders keepers" said Dan as he was about to grab the bag.
Suddenly another hand grabbed onto the bag as well, Dan looks over and sees a 10 year old boy wearing a red coat, blue and yellow hat, and was extremely fat. This boy was none other than Eric Cartman.
"Hey back off asshole, I'd found this bag of money first!" shouted Eric Cartman. "What?! No way fat boy! This money is as good as mine!" shouted Dan. "Hey Don't call me fat butt *beeper*!" shouted Cartman.
Dan and Cartman glared at each other and tugging back and fourth on the bag. But due to how weak the bag was, it tore in half, spilling all the coins to the ground. "Well nice going asshole you spilled all the money!" shouted Cartman.
"Me? It was you're fault fat boy!" shot back Dan. Eric was fed up with Dan calling him fat, so he grabbed a rock and threw it at Dan. Dan dodges the rock and got extremely pissed off. He then balled his fists up, raises his arms, and head into the sky and shouts: Faaaaattttttttt Boyyyyyyyy!!!
Dan
Vs
Fat Boy.
"I'm not Fat! I'm big boned!" shouted Cartman as he balled his fists up in anger.
Dan rushes towards Cartman and starts pummeling him with his fists, but Cartman kicks Dan in the shin, causing him to hop backwards. Dan recovers and puts on his brass knuckles and punches Cartman some more this time making him bleed a little.
Cartman quickly pulls out a tazer and tazes Dan in the leg, stunning him, and runs off. "Hey get back here!" shouted Dan as he begins to chase after Cartman. Cartman runs all the way towards the school and tries to get inside.
Dan however manages to catch up, just as Cartman was able to break open the lock and heads inside, and locks himself inside the school. Dan rushes over to the door and starts pounding on it.
"You can't hide from me in there fat boy!" shouted Dan. Dan stops pounding on the door and looks to his right. He spots an open window that leads to a classroom, Dan smiles evilly, and climbs into the window.
Eric meanwhile was still in the school, trying to find a place to hide. Knowing Dan would get inside eventually, he rushes over to the janitor closets, grab some supplies, and make a special chemical to use on Dan.
Dan manages to get into the classroom and begins to look around for cartman. "Come on out fat boy. I'm not going to hurt you." said Dan. Dan then leaves the classroom and begins to search the halls.
He then spots Cartman trying to escape the school by going out the back door. "You!" shouted Dan. "Ahh!" yelled Cartman as he runs from Dan. Dan however manages to catch up to Cartman and starts pounding on him, picks him up, and throws him across the floor.
Dan walks towards Eric, getting ready to finish him of, but Cartman pulls out a bottle with a nozzle on it. "Bear mace!" shouted Cartman as he sprays Dan with a white substance, covering him in foam.
Dan was unaffected by the bear mace, and kicks a surprise Cartman in the face. "What?! What the hell, why aren't you burning?!" asked Cartman. "Please Kid, tear gas and mace doesn't even give me a running nose anymore" explained Dan.
Cartman glares at Dan and tazes him again, and then runs off. Dan quickly recovers and chases after him. Cartman runs outside and finds a skateboard on the ground next to a porta-potty and uses it to get away from Dan.
Just then a little boy about Cartman's age, got out of the porta potty and looks around. "Hey where the hell is my skateboard?" asked the little boy. Just then Dan shows up holding a crowbar and approaches the little boy.
"Hey kid have you seen a fat boy around here?" asked Dan. "I don't know but he took my skateboard, so I think he went that way" said the boy as he points to his left. "Thanks a lot" said Dan as he then took off running in that direction.
Eric skates to a weapons shop, enters it, and walks up to the counter. "Hi welcome to wily's weapons shop! My name's Wily, how can I help you today?" said Wily. "Yeah hi I would I like a taser gun, a hand gun, and a dagger please." said Cartman.
"I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't sell weapons to people under 18." said Wily. Cartman reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ID, and gives it to Wily. "I believe this might shed some light on my age." said Cartman as he hands him the ID.
Wily reads the ID and It says: Eric Cartman age: 35 sex: Male height: midget. "Hmmm... well this to be in order. Well here you go sir" said Wily as he hands Cartman back his ID. "Ok now for the weapons, that would $23.99 plus tax." said Wily.
"Thank you sir" said Cartman. Meanwhile, Dan was still looking for Cartman, while holding a crowbar. He then gives up assuming Cartman had ran back home and walks off, but stops when he hears a familiar voice behind him.
"Where do you think you're going asshole!" shouted Cartman. Dan turns around and sees Cartman holding a taser gun, pointing it right at him. "Respect my authoritiah!" shouted Cartman as he then fires the taser gun towards Dan.
Dan dodges the attack and the tazer gun instead hits a nearby car, electrocharging it, and causing it to spiral out of control and crash into a building. "Damn it I miss!" Cartman shouted in frustration.
Cartman was about to shoot Dan again, but Dan walks over to Cartman and kicks him to the ground. "You try to taze me, and I'd kick you!" said Dan. Cartman pulls out a handgun and shoots Dan in the leg.
"Arghh!" Dan cried in pain. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaa, ha! I'd shot you in the leg" teased Cartman. Dan growls in anger and tackles Cartman to the ground, and starts pounding on him.
Eric tries his best to escape the beating, but fails, so he jams his finger into the hole in Dan's leg. Dan cries out in pain again and grabs his leg, and Cartman gets up and runs off yet again.
Cartman runs all the way towards the playground, and he spots Stan, Kyle, and Kenny playing basket ball and runs up to them.
Cartman: Guys I need your help!
Kyle: What do you want now fatass?
Cartman: Guys listen, there's this guy who's trying to kill me over money.
Stan: So?
Cartman: What do you mean so?! This guy is crazy, I really need your help!
Kyle: We're busy fatass, so go bug someone else why don'tcha?
Cartman: You know what screw you guys I don't need your help anyway, I'm just going to go hide out at stark's pond!
Cartman then leaves and then soon after Dan shows up with a ticked off look on his face. "Hey have you kids seen a fat boy around here?" he asked. "Yeah he went that way." said Stan. "Thanks a lot" said Dan. The Boys then went back to playing basketball as if nothing happen.
Cartman kept running as fast as he can to stark's pond, but trips and falls to the ground. Cartman lays on the ground injured, tired, and he raises his head up and spots a 7-Eleven in the distance.
"Oh thank god I'm saved!" shuted Cartman as he quickly gets up and slowly walks towards the 7-Eleven, and heads inside. 10 minutes later Cartman exits the 7-Eleven eating a bag of cheesy poofs and drink some soda.
"Oh thank god I needed that" said Cartman as he then throws the snack and pop in a nearby trash can. "Now where was I?" he asked himself. "There you are!" shouted Dan. Cartman turns around and sees Dan approaching him with a bat in his hands.
"I've been looking all over fat boy! And now it's time for my revenge! And there's no escape this time!" shouted Dan as he slowly walks to Eric. Cartman's face turn from being scared to anger. "For the last time, I'm not fat!" shouted Cartman as he then proceeds to curse gibberishly.
"Sheesh this kid really needs to watch his mouth" said Dan as he then resumes towards on trying to hurt Cartman. As Cartman curses an electric aura forms around him and as Dan raises the Bat on Cartman, Cartman opens his eyes and shoots a beam of electricity towards Dan.
The Electricity was too much for Dan as it stopped his heart, killing him instantly. Dan's corpse falls to the ground as Cartman walks up to it, gave it the middle finger, and walks away. K.O!
Results[]
Dan may have had the strength advantage, was faster, and more combat experience, but Cartman had him in every other category.
While both may have been equal in Intelligence and Durability, but Cartman had better toon force and had a more destructive arsenal.
Also while Dan's revenge schemes have a history of succeeding, the problem with that is Dan have never been shown to kill anyone. While Cartman's revenge schemes is on a hold new level as Cartman is more violent and more mentally unstable than Dan.
And last but not least, while Dan may have been better at using weapons than Cartman was, but with Cartman's more versatile weaponary, Dan had no chance at winning.
Looks like Cartman's victory was quite the shock.
The Winner is Cartman
Advantages and Disadvantages[]
Eric Cartman-Winner[]
- +More Destructive Arsenal
- +More Violent and more likely to kill someone
- +Better Toon Force
- =in Intelligence
- =in Durability
- -Weaker
- -Slower
- -Less Combat Experience
- -Terrible at aiming Weapons
Dan-Loser[]
- +Stronger
- +Faster
- +More Combat Experience
- +Better at aiming Weapons
- =in Intelligence
- =in Durability
- -Not as Violent and as Evil as Cartman
- -His Arsenal wasn't as Destructive
- -Weaker Toon Force
Polls[]