Introduction[]
Carl: Immortality is a power that many characters in fiction share.
Yazo: From serial killers that are annoying, wrestlers, tall guys, and even parasites, fiction has no end to these horrifying characters that just won't die.
Carl: But these two are the tragic side of immortality. Understanding that they can never rest in peace if they keep coming back from the dead. And they die quite a lot.
Yazo: D-9341, a Disposable Class from the SCP Foundation.
Carl: And the Kindergartner, a child that saved two schools by ending their evil principal.
Yazo: He's Carl and I'm Yazo.
Carl: And it's our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win, a Death Battle!
D-9341 breaches containment in Death Battle![]
Carl: A D-Class, also known as a Disposable Class, is a Death-Row prisoner taken in by the SCP Foundation, a foundation dedicated to containing anonymous objects and creatures, to be used as test subjects. One particular one was designated D-9341.
Yazo: Before his mind was wiped and he became a D-Class, he was known as Benjamin Oliver Walker, a senior researcher at the Foundation, as he did some unauthorized research on this phenomenon called "The Spiral Gestalt." Whatever that is.
Carl: It's not important. He was then captured by his co-workers, had his memories wiped, and placed in his cell, he was soon put to his first test. An SCP known as SCP-173, the Living Statue.
Yazo: It was a complete failure. The door's ended up losing power and the statue got free, killing several guards but leaving Benji alive. Being smart, he made a run for it. Supposedly, SCP-173 freed some of the other SCP's, like 049, 096, 106, and 939, along with some more. And that left D-9341 alone in a foundation while everything is trying to kill him. Thank goodness he seemed to remember some of his past life, meaning he knew how to deal with each SCP. Oh, and also the fact that the Mobile Task Force that the Foundation sent in were obligated to kill any D-Class they saw.
Carl: Along with a certain ability that practically guaranteed his survival. His ability to come back from beyond the grave.
Yazo: It's not like he can resurrect himself, he actually sorta...resets time when he comes back, to the last time the player saved the game. Essentially, it's the Reset ability from Undertale, except that you can die infinitely without changing the game to much. Other than hearing Dream Man talking to you about "waking up."
Carl: Before you go on about how it's most likely a game mechanic, one of the endings to the game would disagree with you. If 106 is contained and you make it through Gate A, this audio plays out (This isn't the full audio, just the part I wanted to highlight): "Subject demonstrates extraordinary luck and complete mastery of even the most fatal of circumstances and an uncanny ability to predict even the most unpredictable of hazards, almost as if it has performed these impossible tasks several times before." This proves that D-9341 is truly dying and coming back from the dead, and learning from his mistakes.
Yazo: And being classified as an SCP apparently. So far, we've learned that he's essentially immortal. But he still has other things in his arsenal. His first one being a Gas Mask. Now, he has four types. There's the normal kind, the super kind that makes him faster, the heavy kind, and SCP-1499, which doesn't actually work like a Gas Mask. It transports the wearer to some weird dimension that has monsters that will kill you, but they will be returned as soon as the wearer takes it off. Could be useful for trapping someone or to avoid being killed.
Carl: Next are his medkits, syringes, and other healing items. The medkits will heal and come in three different forms. Normal, small, and blue. Normal heals a bit of health, small ones heals faster and heals more wounds, and the blue one gives a temporary speed boosts before killing whoever used it. The syringes are like medkits but playing Russian Roulette. The normal one will decrease stamina for a small bit, but will heal you, the fine one does that same but the stamina decreases at random rates, and and the very fine syringe has a 1/3 chance to kill you. The other 2/3 is healing and vomiting. And then there is SCP-500, which is a pill that will heal all wounds almost immediately.
Yazo: He also has two types of armor, technically three but the last one isn't armor, it's more of a piece of wall. The hazmat suit is like a Gas Mask, but it protects your whole body from dangerous chemicals. The Heavy Hazmat suit is just the hazmat suit, but combined with an ingot of SCP-148, which will block any mental attack that may come his way. This includes the effects of SCP-012, which is a piece of paper that forces people to write and attempt to finish the song, WITH THEIR BLOOD. SCP's are hardcore, man. Anyways, the mysterious hazmat suit gives D-9341 regeneration, much like Super Gas Mask. And then there are the ballistic vests, which can protect him from bullets, unless they are fired at the legs/head. And like the Hazmat Suit, there's also a heavy version, and a bulky version, but the bulky version is literally too heavy to be picked up by a human.
Carl: And for the rest of his normal items, he also has some miscellaneous items. Namely batteries, keycards, documents, clipboards, eye drops, a severed hand for some reason, wallet, night vision goggles, and the S-Nav, a device that allows D-9341 to track his movements throughout the Foundation and detect nearby threats. And then there are the item SCP's that we haven't mentioned yet.
Yazo: Like SCP-513, a cowbell that gives you anxiety if you clunk it, SCP-714, a Jade ring that can make him immune to mind control and other things like lethal touch, SCP-860, a blue key that can make any door a portal to some weird forest, SCP-1025, a book of diseases that when you read it, you get said disease, and a few others, but they are either too dirty for us to mention, or is more harmful than useful.
Carl: And when it comes to feats, he has just about one, being able to outrace 049, who could blitz fellow D-Class. But he's also pretty smart, being a former level four researcher, the second highest possible ranking. And the SCP Foundation specifically looks for the brightest minds to work under the SCP Foundation. It's a wonder why they haven't hired me yet.
Yazo: Probably because they don't exist.
Carl: This coming from the man who claimed that his hot pocket moved from downstairs to upstairs all on its own?
Yazo: We don't talk about that.
Carl: Whatever. He does has his faults. He dies a lot, and was manipulated by the likes of SCP-079 and SCP-035, and even canonically dies in a few endings.
Yazo: But for a D-Class, he's not as disposable as you may think. You know, saying D-Class so much makes me wonder about his d-
*A gunshot is heard*
Carl: DON'T. EVEN.
"I need SCP-079's help if I want to go through Gate B. Or a distraction of some kind to go through Gate A."
Is Kindergartner ready for another day of Death Battle?[]
Yazo: Ah, kindergarten. Usually seen as a place of learning, education, niceties, etc. But for this kid? It's BLOODY MURDER AND DEFEATING PRINCIPAL'S THAT CONDUCT WEIRD EXPERIMENTS ON STUDENTS. Man, school of the year award goes to...
Carl: And enough of that. These two schools did share much in common with each other. They had murderous janitors, insane but also smart principals, and a drug-abusing teacher. But the most important detail, is that they had this one child, who we called Kindergartner (or Protagonist when we last used him).
Yazo: Kid seemed to live a normal life, although he did have a room with just a bed, a closet, and a table, with no way to get to the rest of the house. So, yeah, I dunno. Also, we never see his parents. You'd think that his parent's would be concerned when their child comes home with a freaking key mold. Or, y'know, covered in blood.
Carl: But other than that, he has no real backstory. Yazo: Ah, kindergarten. Usually seen as a place of learning, education, niceties, etc. But for this kid? It's BLOODY MURDER AND DEFEATING PRINCIPAL'S THAT CONDUCT WEIRD EXPERIMENTS ON STUDENTS. Man, school of the year award goes to...
Carl: And enough of that. These two schools did share much in common with each other. They had murderous janitors, insane but also smart principals, and a drug-abusing teacher. But the most important detail, is that they had this one child, who we called Kindergartner (or Protagonist when we last used him).
Yazo: Kid seemed to live a normal life, although he did have a room with just a bed, a closet, and a table, with no way to get to the rest of the house. So, yeah, I dunno. Also, we never see his parents. You'd think that his parent's would be concerned when their child comes home with a freaking key mold. Or, y'know, covered in blood.
Carl: But other than that, he has no real backstory. Now onto the arsenal. The Teacher's Phone can be used for distractions or as a flashlight, and the bottle of pills are happy drugs.
Yazo: He has a poisoned chicken nugget, that he got from Nugget, and a magnifying glass, which are used for killing PATHETIC INSECTS.
Carl: A bucket of blood he found in the Janitor's Closet, the janitor's mop (which has killed several children and crippled ten times more), and some shoes. Billy's and Cindy's to be precise.
Yazo: He has laser pointers that have been able to blind people, knives that have been able to kill full grown adults, and a bomb that will explode if a student named Billy is mentioned or heard.
Carl: Along with remotes that explode specifically planted bombs, along with screwdrivers and yo-yo's. And another practical item is a voice recorder. Something that can be used as a distraction...or to blame others for your crimes.
Yazo: Mysterio can relate. He also has a tool belt that appears to have things such as hammers and screwdrivers. Along with strange chemicals and lasers and other bombs.
Carl: Along with a remote that controls Penny the robot, another mop, Ms. Applegate's pointing stick, lighter, and firecrackers. And then there is his best weapon. An actual weapon.
Yazo: THE TALISMAN! A deck of cards that brings doomday. It's like if Yu-Gi-Oh was in real life. But worse.
Carl: The deck of cards can turn the sky red, bring lighting that obliterates people, and can supposedly duty people away, Thanos style. But I'm unsure if the Kindergartener can use this, as only Nugget has been seen using it, and he seems to be much more masterful of using the Talisman. But even under Kindergartner's command, it was still capable of obliterating several students and teachers.
Yazo: Heck, that's his most impressive feat. Obliterating a person with lighting.
Carl: Heck, that's his only feat. A feat we previously calculated at 330 tons. Anyways, we haven't even touched on his best ability. The ever lasting timeloop. When he dies (which happens quite often), he is given a choice of re-spawning from a few moments ago, or from the beginning of the day. Which renders him essentially immortal. And this is proven when the Kindergartner specifically mentions "Am I ready to start another day of Kindergarten." when Monday/Tuesday repeats itself on an infinite loop.
Yazo: But like the other combatant, he has died quite a lot. Over 24 different deaths can occur in the two schools he's in.
Carl: But he will survive, even if it takes a hell of a lot of deaths to do it.
"Am I ready for another day of Kindergarten?"
Pre-Death Battle[]
Carl: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Yazo: And right now, it's time for a DEEAATTHH BAATTLLEE!
Death Battle![]
A bus was driving on the highway, in an unknown location. The principal looks at Mrs. Applegate, with a worried look on her face.
"Mrs. Applegate, are you sure that we're going the right way?" The principal asked the teacher behind the wheel.
"I'm sure that this is the right way." Mrs. Applegate replied, although she wasn't entirely paying attention, as she did pop a few pills before the trip, and suffice to say, they weren't the pills that she usually takes, making her erratic and a little psychotic...more so than she normally is. The Kindergartner looked at the teacher with worry, but didn't say anything.
Suddenly, Mrs. Applegate unexpectedly jerked the wheel to the right, swerving off the road, and crashing through several trees, before smashing through the walls of a hidden building in the woods. The SCP Foundation, to be exact. Almost everyone in the vehicle died in the crash, all but Nugget, Penny, and the Kindergartner. But that's not all who died.
Five minutes ago, before the crash...
D-9341 ran through the seemingly endless halls of the Foundation, as several MTF guards chased him down, attempting to shoot him down.
"Stop right there!" The MTF units yelled behind him. In a panic, D-9341 leapt into a room, hiding in a locker. The Nine Tailed Fox units entered the area, and began to look around.
"Come on out, you're gonna die anyways." One of the units muttered, although D-9341 disagreed. Suddenly, a loud crash was heard, as if the walls got smashed. Several of the guards screamed, but it all seemed to die down. D-9341 opened the locker door, and left the room. He looked around, seeing the bus that had seemingly crashed through the wall/ceiling. There might've been a road nearby, and the bus driver accidentally drove off the road, or they had a death wish.
Back to the present...
The Kindergartner and Nugget woke up from the crash, with Penny still being deactiv- I mean, knocked out. The two looked around to see the corpses of their class around them, before suddenly, someone's leg burst through the door, as a man wearing a orange jumpsuit, with "D-9341" being etched on the suit, walked through.
D-9341 looked over at the three children, examining them.
"I know the crash wasn't your fault, and it did technically save me from certain doom, but you three need to get out of here, before you die a death worse then your peers." D-9341 explained. He may have not liked his presumably new experience with the Foundation, but something kept him from trying to spoil the secrets of the SCP's.
The three students looked at him for a moment, before Penny's eyes suddenly glowed red. Right before the laser went off, D-9341 moved from the door, back into the ruined halls of the Foundation. The laser blasted through several walls, but was otherwise harmless. The three students jumped from the bus, and ran into the halls.
D-9341 ran into the halls into of the Foundation, trying to find them, but they must've split up, because he only found Kindergartner. He quickly rushed, and intercepted the student, and kicked him back.
"If you're gonna do this the hard way, we'll do it the fucking hard way." D-9341 said.
"Fine, if it let's me get away." The Kindergartner muttered, taking out the teacher's pointing stick, as D-9341 prepared himself.
FIGHT![]
Kindergartner rushes forwards, swinging the stick several times, but D-9341 backed away, avoiding the strikes. Eventually, he side-steps the child, and lifted him by his shirt, before slamming him through one of the walls. The Kindergartner got back up, and dodged deeper into the room, but D-9341 slapped the stick out of the student's hands, before taking out a syringe and sticking it into the Kindergartner's neck. After a few seconds, the Kindergartner fell over, dead.
You died.
Maybe you shouldn't have blindly ran at a guy who clearly is smarter than you are.
<Restart Room>
The room restarted, bringing both back to the beginning of the fight, right before Kindergartner charged D-9341. This time, Kindergartner reluctantly moved towards D-9341, and throws the stick at the D-Class. D-9341 ducked under it, before Kindergartner equipped the knife and charged again. He stabbed it into D-9341's leg, before dragging the former scientist to the ground.
D-9341 kicked the Kindergartner away, before dragging himself away, leg bleeding out. Kindergartner spun the knife in his hand, and rushed D-9341 again. Before he could stab D-9341, D-9341 took out a sheet of SCP-148, causing the knife to bounce off. D-9341 gripped SCP-148 with both hands and used it to slap Kindergartner. However, Kindergartner managed to throw the knife, and it impaled through D-9341's skull.
YOU DIED
Subject D-9341. Cause of death: Fatal impalement through the head. Body was found several hours later, after the breach subsided. Fingerprints indicate that a child of age 5 caused it. Whether or not DNA is accurate, is yet too be seen.
<Load Game>
The room reset once again. This time, both fighters were reluctant to attack the other. Yet again, the Kindergartner threw the stick, and equipped the knife, as before, but this time, D-9341 caught the stick and smacked Kindergartner several times, before using it to knock the knife away, into another room. Before Kindergartner could run after it, D-9341 grabbed the kid and threw him away from the knife.
D-9341 snapped the stick in half, before throwing it away. He looked around, and saw a Janitor's Closet nearby. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He kicked the door, and it swung open. He grabbed the broom and the mop bucket in there. He ran out, before seeing that the Kindergartner has gotten his own broom, known as Mr. Sweepy.
D-9341 kicked the bucket (which had wheels) towards Kindergartner, who avoided it, before D-9341 swung the broom towards Kindergartner. Kindergartner moved Mr. Sweepy in front of himself, blocking it. Kindergartner rolls away, and smacks D-9341 on the neck, causing him to drop the broom. He shakes it off, before running towards the cafeteria, with an angry five-year old right on his tail.
D-9341 ran into the cafe, and turned to sweep the Kindergartner's legs, before running to SCP-294. He quickly typed in 'Acid' on the keyboard, as a styrofoam cup popped out, before a liquid was poured into it. He grabbed the cup, and turned to see Kindergartner charging again. He spilt the cup on Kindergartner, which disintegrated his legs. Kindergartner fell to the ground. D-9341 then put SCP-1499 on the child's head, warping him away.
In the altnerate dimension, Kindergartner passed out in pain, but several instances of SCP-1499-1 spotted him and approached, before beating the child until SCP-1499 fell off.
Back in the real world, D-9341 looked down to see a child's corpse and SCP-1499 sitting there. He grabbed the SCP and walked off.
You died
Try outmaneuvering him next time. Outsmart him.
<Restart Room>
The room restarted for the third time. Kindergartner sighed, and threw the stick and the knife. D-9341 knocked the stick away, but the knife stabbed into his arm. With a grunt, he pulled it out of his skin and threw it aside. The Kindergartner held two items in his hands. The Faculty Remote and Talisman. Kindergartner pressed a button on the remote, as Penny walked into the scene.
"What is it?" Penny asked. Kindergartner pressed the red button on the remote, causing Penny's eyes to begin glowing red. Having flashbacks to when D-9341 first met Penny, he jumped into a room and hit the dirt on instinct. The laser was fired, missing D-9341, but it did make a hole in the wall in the room that D-9341 had jumped into. Before Penny could fire again, something flew through the hole, and landed next to Penny. Penny quickly scanned it, identifying it as a grenade. Before Penny could react, it blew up, blowing her to pieces.
D-9341 rummaged through the MTF soldier's corpse, where he had found the grenade. He grabbed the sub-machine gun of the corpse, and ran out the room, aiming the gun, but his foe was nowhere in sight. He sighed, but kept his gun aimed. He walked around the corner, and saw his foe, but it was too late. Kindergartner managed to finish the Talisman ritual.
D-9341 immediately fired the gun multiple times, but most of the shots went into Kindergartner's arms and legs, when suddenly, everything shook, causing D-9341 to drop the gun. Kindergartner quickly limped over to it, but D-9341 kicked it away, since the rumbling was making it so he couldn't grab it.
At first, D-9341 thought it was SCP-682, but he didn't hear roaring. Looking at the hole that the bus had caused, D-9341 saw the sky had turned red. D-9341 stopped and looked upwards at the roof. Suddenly, a large bolt of red lighting came down, and blew D-9341 to smithereens.
YOU DIED
Subject D-9341: Was found in multiple pieces in the hallway. Judging from the hole in the ceiling, it was likely because of the red lighting caused by the red sky. Near the corpse, was another corpse of a child of five years old, who died of blood loss due to , along with a deck of cards that seemingly started the red sky, at least according to SCP-343, who was interviewed after the event, regarding the red sky. SCP-343 even called it a talisman.
<Load Game>
The room restarted again, so much so that they needed to hire a new narrator. Yeah, I just joined-OH! Sorry, got sidetracked. Please don't fire me yet.
Anyways, this time, both of the combatants sighed. Kindergartner threw the knife and stick, like last time. But this time, D-9341 dodged the knife and stick, and saw the remote and Talisman being taken out. D-9341 rushed Kindergartner, and grabbed the two items out of Kindergartner's hands. D-9341 through the two items to the ground, and smashed them to the ground.
D-9341 backed away from Kindergartner. Before Kindergartner could attack, D-9341 yelled "Wait!"
"I dunno if you've noticed, but I think this is a losing battle regardless. I think we're both on an infinite loop of death. I know I am, but you seem to gain experience every time I die. I personally think this is pointless." D-9341 explained. Kindergartner thought about it, before agreeing with D-9341. He turned, and ran away, with D-9341 watching him go, before taking out a piece of paper.
"Now, time to figure out what this means." D-9341 says, before it's revealed that it's the ID of scientist Benjamin Oliver Walker. He puts it away and walks away.
K.O...?
Results[]
Yazo: Huh. Well. I was expecting more death, and not a somewhat emotional ending, but who cares? That broom fighting was sick! I even learned some moves from them!
*Yazo proceeds to grab a broom from off screen and swing it around*
Carl: Both did hold their own advantages, and even tied in durability, namely Kindergartner being able to dish out more damage with the Talisman, plus having a more arsenal that was more of fit of fighting, plus D-9341 was much faster, smarter, and was physically stronger than Kindergartner, considering it's an adult vs a child, but that meant-
*Carl is interrupted, being hit in the face by Yazo, causing him to fall over*
Yazo: Yeah, that meant either could kill the other easily, as Kindergartner could obliterate D-9341, while D-9341 could blitz Kindergartner. But neither could kill each other for good. As they could both are immortal. You could argue that the fight would end forever, but D-9341 would probably notice after awhile that something was up.
*Yazo throws the broom away, as Carl gets back up, glaring at Yazo*
Carl: Ugh...yes, Kindergartner was more powerful, and D-9341 was faster, but because of their immortality, it would never end.
Yazo: Both were certainly immortal, they were as Secure as they came. Looks like this bell rang with no winner.
Carl: This battle is a draw.
Soundtrack Concept[]
Soundtrack Concept Details[]
The track would a mix of the ambiance from SCP: Containment Breach and the more upbeat songs of Kindergarten. As the track continues, it would get slower and slower, eventually just being ambiance.
The cover would show a loop symbol, along with the Foundation symbol in the middle. On the side would show several of the game over signs from Kindergartner.