Description[]
Two incomprehensible, mysterious and powerful entities will come together today in a Death Battle! Who will win? Will Cthulhu be able to crush Ungoliant and hit her with cosmic madness? Or will Ungoliant entangle Cthulhu with her nets?
Interlude[]
Wiz: We all know Howard Philips Lovecraft. This man and his friends founded a new genre in literature in which a person is confronted with the incomprehensible and unnatural horror of the cosmos.
Boomstick: But Lovecraft wasn't the only one doing this. Even John Tolkien, a man of a completely different mindset and worldview, could not restrain himself and introduced similar elements into his works.
Wiz: And today we will make two incomprehensible horrors fight each other!
Boomstick: Cthulhu, the Great Old and ruler of the city of R'lyeh.
Wiz: And Ungoliant, a terrible spider that devours light.
Boomstick: And our task is to analyze their strength, armor and skills to find out who will win the Death Battle!
Cthulhu[]
Wiz: The writer Howard Philips Lovecraft once expressed the idea that the greatest benefit for humanity is the inability to know reality in its full perspective.
Boomstick: Lovecraft believed that if we do this, we will discover such incomprehensible horrors of the universe that we will either go crazy from revelation, or we will seek salvation in the darkness of ignorance and ignorance.
Wiz: Anyway, Lovecraft came up with many powerful and incomprehensible entities and deities for the human mind, the most famous of which is, of course, Cthulhu.
Boomstick: Cthulhu came from the lineage of the Great Old, a race of incredibly powerful beings. In the very distant past, Cthulhu and his offspring lived on the star Zoth, but after some time they left their home and flew to Earth.
Wiz: Unfortunately, Earth has already been occupied by an alien race known as the Elder Things. Dissatisfied with this news, Cthulhu and his offspring began a bloody war with the Elders Things.
Boomstick: Eventually, a truce was concluded between the warring parties, and Cthulhu created the city of R'lyeh, where he settled with his children. This place had a strange and unnatural non-Euclidean geometry.
Wiz: Then Cthulhu and his children went into hibernation in the city of R'lyeh. After some time, people appeared on Earth, and Cthulhu began to telepathically communicate with some people through dreams, imposing his own cult.
Boomstick: Then suddenly R'lyeh went under the water, after which Cthulhu stopped contacting people. At times, R'lyeh rose from the seabed and Cthulhu was free for a while, then the city went under water again.
Wiz: Old Johansen and his team were unlucky enough to meet the Great Old!
Boomstick: But the day will come when the dark city of R'lyeh will not go under water, then Cthulhu and his descendants will regain full dominion over the Earth.
Wiz: Now let's talk about the power and abilities of Cthulhu.
Boomstick: To begin with, Cthulhu has an alien nature. His body has the features of an octopus, a dragon and a human, Cthulhu squelches and drips with mucus. Cthulhu's body consists of completely unknown and alien matter. Cthulhu has monstrous regeneration and can recover from any damage. Even a split head will recover almost instantly.
Wiz: Cthulhu has wings, thanks to which he can fly and even cross vast interstellar spaces. Cthulhu is also not afraid of any extreme conditions: he feels calm at the bottom of the ocean and in outer space. Obviously, Cthulhu has no need for food and oxygen.
Boomstick: And Cthulhu is huge, it is literally described as a "walking mountain". Although it is unlikely that he is several kilometers high, since a ship was able to pierce his head.
Wiz: Cthulhu has extensive mental and psychic abilities. He can communicate telepathically, enter dreams, send terrible visions to people, and even drive people crazy and completely lose their minds! It is said that when Cthulhu fully awakens, he will plunge humanity into the abyss of madness.
Boomstick: Cthulhu possesses unknown and mysterious magic, through which he ensures and prolongs the life of his offspring.
Wiz: Oh yes, Cthulhu has his own offspring, which are smaller copies of him.
Boomstick: Cthulhu is somewhat proficient at distorting reality, as he created the city of R'lyeh out of nowhere. R'lyeh has distorted outlines for the human mind and a strange non-Euclidean geometry.
Wiz: Despite all this, Cthulhu is not completely invincible. Cthulhu depends on astronomical factors, as its awakening requires the correct location of the stars.
Boomstick: If Cthulhu wakes up too early, he will be weakened. Cthulhu also does not have any phenomenal durability, as it could be rammed by an ordinary ship.
Wiz: Despite all these shortcomings, remember that when R'lyeh rises from the depths of the water and Cthulhu opens his eyes, humanity will come to an end and nothing will save us!
Ungoliant[]
Wiz: Perhaps there is no person who has never heard of the wonderful world invented by John Tolkien — Middle-earth.
Boomstick: Yes, it's an amazing world where we can meet anything and anyone. Nimble and graceful elves inhabit the forests, skilled and powerful dwarves work in their underground forges, people establish their great kingdoms, cheerful hobbits inhabit the Shire.
Wiz: But there are also many dangers in Middle-earth. You can just accidentally stumble upon a group of bloodthirsty and merciless orcs who will either kill you or lead you to their Dark Lord, where you will be tortured, and then you will be made a slave of this very Dark Lord.
Boomstick: You may stumble upon a winged fire-breathing dragon that guards untold reserves of gold and leaves no one alive who dares to encroach on them.
Wiz: Walking through the abandoned dungeons of Moria, you may come across a fiery demon armed with a fiery sword and a whip that will terrify you.
Boomstick: It is also dangerous to walk in dark caves or deep forests: you may come across huge and terrible spiders that will entangle you with their web and suck all the juices out of you.
Wiz: Frodo encountered a terrible spider named Shelob. If not for Sam's help, Frodo would never have been able to reach the Mount Doom!
Boomstick: But there is a creature that is more terrible than Shelob and all other spiders combined — this is her ancestor, Ungoliant.
Wiz: The true origin and nature of the Ungoliant remain a mystery. Some believe that she was one of the Ainur who were seduced by Melkor. Some believe that she was not Ainur, but was born out of the dissonance that Melkor created during Ainulindale. Some consider her to be a mysterious entity that came to Arda from a dark corner of Ea.
Boomstick: Anyway, Ungoliant was a dark entity who took the form of a terrible spider and served Melkor for a while, but then refused to serve and began to serve herself.
Wiz: You see, Ungoliant had one small problem — hunger, she was starving, constantly starving, and could not get enough.
Boomstick: But the most delicious dish for her was the light. Yes, she hated the light, but at the same time she longed for it. To absorb as much light as possible, she approached Valinor, the place where the Valar themselves, the Lords of the World, lived. There were two Trees that acted as the Sun and Moon and emitted a very bright light.
Wiz: Ungoliant could not just come and absorb the light of these trees, as she was afraid of the wrath of the Valar. Therefore, she settled in the Avatar Gorge and began to absorb all the light she could reach. Very soon, her lair was enveloped in pitch darkness, as all the light was absorbed, and Ungoliant began to starve.
Boomstick: After a while, Melkor came to Ungoliant and offered her a deal: the spider would help him destroy the Valar Trees, and Melkor would do and give her everything to satisfy her hunger.
Wiz: Ungoliant hesitated and was afraid, but eventually decided to go with Melkor. Wrapping themselves and Melkor in a cloak of darkness, they entered Valinor, where Melkor pierced the trees with his black spear, and Ungoliant poisoned and absorbed their sap, thereby destroying the trees and plunging Valinor into darkness. Ungoliant also drained the Wells of Varda.
Boomstick: The light went out and the Valar realized that Melkor had returned. Manwe saw a dark cloud in which Melkor was, and with him another mysterious entity. Tulkas, Orome and his hunters gave chase, but even they could not overcome the darkness of the Ungoliant.
Wiz: While the Valar were trying to fix the situation somehow, Melkor and Ungoliant reached Middle-earth. Melkor tried to escape, but Ungoliant blocked his way and reminded him of the promise to satisfy her hunger.
Boomstick: Melkor had to give her a lot of precious stones to eat, which he stole from the treasury of Formenos. The Ungoliant devoured them and the beauty of the stones left this world forever. But Melkor did not want to give her the Silmarils, which he also stole. Ungoliant noticed this and demanded the stones of Feanor, but Melkor categorically refused her.
Wiz: Having absorbed the light of the Trees and Wells of Varda, Ungoliant became much stronger and became much larger than she was before, while Melkor seemed tiny in front of her.
Boomstick: In general, Ungoliant attacked Melkor and began to entangle him with a web of darkness, trying to strangle him. Melkor let out a terrible scream that echoed for hundreds of kilometers around. This cry was heard by the balrogs in the depths of Angband.
Wiz: The Balrogs ran to save their boss without thinking: With their fiery whips, they destroyed the Ungoliant web, and put the spider herself to flight. The Balrogs wanted to pursue Ungoliant further, but Melkor called them off.
Boomstick: Ungoliant fled Beleriand, where she tried to enter the kingdom of Thingol, but the magical barrier of Melian did not allow her to do so.
Wiz: Then Ungoliant settled in the mountains south of Dorthonion. These mountains would later be called the Ered Gorgoroth, "Mountains of Terror." There, the Ungoliant mated with male spiders and gave birth to terrible spider offspring.
Boomstick: The further fate of Ungoliant is unknown, but everyone agrees that having failed to tame unbearable hunger, she devoured herself.
Wiz: Now let's talk about the power of this terrible spider creature.
Boomstick: First, an Ungoliant can generate and emit darkness, but not just darkness, but the so-called Non-Light. He was not just an absence of light, but an independent element. Non-Light is like emptiness and it is so dense that no gaze and no light can break through it. Even the practically all-seeing Manwe could not see anything through the darkness of the Ungoliant. Thus, the Non-Light provides the Ungoliant with absolute stealth.
Wiz: The darkness of Ungoliant is so terrible that even Tulkas and Orome, in fact the god of battles and the god of hunting, could not break through it!
Boomstick: An Ungoliant can also weave and create a web of pure darkness. This web is so strong that even Melkor, although weakened, could not escape from it! And Melkor, even being a weak Morgoth, could create huge craters in the ground with his blows.
Wiz: Ungoliant can also emit poisonous smoke and fumes from her body, which poison everything around, and has a poisonous bite, since she poisoned the Valar Trees.
Boomstick: An ungoliant can absorb light, energy and matter, and the more it absorbs, the bigger and stronger it becomes. She absorbed the light of the Trees of Valinor, which were a kind of Sun and Moon, and drained the Wells of Varda, from the light of which Varda created many stars and constellations. Since the Ungoliant is never saturated, we can safely say that it can absorb anything in unlimited quantities.
Wiz: The ungoliant has great strength and durability. She could hold Melkor by force. Although he was weakened, it was still a worthy feat! Ungoliant also withstood Melkor's scream at point-blank range, which split the rocks, shook the mountains and made the earth shake. That is, the Ungoliant withstood, in fact, the explosion of an atomic bomb and did not flinch!
Boomstick: Ungoliant also survived the beating of the balrogs. This is also very cool, because during the battle of Gandalf and the Curse of Durin, the mountainside was destroyed. And it was just one balrog!
Wiz: An Ungoliant can catch light with its nets and absorb it. We can safely say that she has a superluminal reaction!
Boomstick: Since Ungoliant has assumed the form of a spider, it is logical to assume that she has all the spider abilities.
Wiz: But no matter how formidable Ungoliant is, she also has her weaknesses.
Boomstick: The Ungoliant is constantly hungry, so her abilities will weaken if she does not absorb something for a long time.
Wiz: Ungoliant's nets can be destroyed by fire, and she herself seems to have some weakness for fire, since the balrogs, fire demons, were able to drive her away.
Boomstick: It also seems that strong magic can prevent Ungoliant, as she was unable to pass through the magical barrier of Melian, which surrounded the kingdom of Thingol.
Wiz: Despite all this, the Ungoliant is still a very strong and formidable creature that you definitely do not want to encounter in some dark and damp cave that does not penetrate light!
Intermission[]
Wiz: The fighters are tested and set up for battle.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
DEATH BATTLE![]
No one has ever approached the mountains of Ered Gorgoroth. No one dared to approach this terrible place: the waters were poisoned, almost all life was destroyed here, darkness enveloped this place, and terrible and vile spiders lived in the vicinity, patiently waiting for a new victim.
The reason for all this was one mysterious and dark entity that lived in a dark, damp cave — Ungoliant, a giant demonic spider. Ungoliant spun a web of darkness and devoured all the light she could reach. But in the mountains of Ered Gorgoroth, the whole light had long ago been devoured by Ungoliant, which was why she began to starve, and her hunger increased every hour.
Unable to bear it any longer, Ungoliant decided to leave her lair. She hoped to get to a place where there would be enough light for food, or at least other nutritious things. Ungoliant still couldn't get enough and hoped to find something that would be able to feed her to her full, if not forever, then at least for a long time.
The Ungoliant has left its terrible lair, spreading terror and darkness. Her terrible spider offspring followed her.
After some time, Ungoliant and her offspring went to the sea. They came to a deserted coast surrounded by sharp rocks. A storm was raging, the sky was shrouded in dark clouds, and the sea was constantly bubbling and raising waves.
There, on the coast, a crowd of cultists gathered around the black altar, who were chanting some dark prayers and mantras. Suddenly, three more cultists came. One of them had a knife in his hands, and the other two were carrying a naked young girl.
The girl screamed, struggled and called for help, but it was all in vain. The girl was placed on the altar and tied with chains. The cultist with the knife stood over the girl, lifted the knife over his head and began to sing some dark and incomprehensible words. The cultists repeated after him.
Suddenly, the main cultist (most likely he was their leader) abruptly lowered the knife and plunged it into the girl's heart. Hot blood gushed onto the altar, and the girl's body went limp.
Suddenly, the sea became agitated and stormed even more. After some time, a cyclopean stone city rose from the depths of the sea, having extraterrestrial outlines that more than one person will not be able to describe. The city was filled with some kind of incomprehensible horror. It was the city of R'lyeh.
A creature emerged from the huge structure, which resembled a man, an octopus and a dragon in its features, it squelched and oozed slime.
The cultists exclaimed, "Yes! Finally, the dark god Cthulhu has awakened, now no one will stop him from ruling this world!"
Ungoliant was watching all this from the sidelines, she didn't really care what was going on here, she was just looking for food. People were too small and insignificant for her, but they were just right for her children.
A bunch of spiders ran forward and attacked the cultists. They entangled the cultists with cobwebs, and then greedily sucked out their insides.
Cthulhu did not pay attention to the fact that his followers were killed right in front of his eyes. His majesty, like a sovereign, was inspecting the land that he was about to rule.
Suddenly, Cthulhu's gaze stopped on a huge spider that was standing to the side. He was curious about what kind of creature was standing there. He felt that this creature was as mysterious and alien as himself.
Ungoliant got angry. She already knew one dark god who used her and fed her empty promises. She didn't want to be anyone's pawn anymore, and that octopus-headed bastard wouldn't tell her what to do.
Ungoliant: Nasty dark brat! Whoever you are, I strongly recommend that you don't stand in my way. I will not serve you, do not use me for your own purposes, otherwise you will become my dish, since I am still starving!
Cthulhu's curious expression turned to anger, he did not expect such a reception, especially from some spider that was two and a half times smaller than him. Cthulhu stepped forward menacingly.
The Ungoliant hissed.
FIGHT!
Cthulhu pointed his finger forward. Suddenly, creatures that seemed to be like Cthulhu, but much smaller, began to emerge from R'lyeh. The crowd of Cthulhu's star spawn ran towards Ungoliant.
Ungoliant: My children, feast!
A huge horde of spiders rushed forward. They attacked Cthulhu's star spawn. A fierce battle broke out. The star spawn tore apart the spiders with its terrible limbs, and the spiders in turn entangled the offspring of Cthulhu with a web and dug into them with their mandibles.
Ungoliant stood and stared at this sight for a while. After that, she ran away and jumped sharply. She landed on Cthulhu's stomach, but managed to run behind him to the place where Cthulhu should have the back of his head.
The Ungoliant plunged its mandibles into Cthulhu's body and tore out a piece of his cloth. Cthulhu screamed in pain, he grabbed the Ungoliant and tore it off. Cthulhu hit the Ungoliant several times on the ground, and then threw it far away from himself. His wound smoked with a green substance for a couple of moments, and then completely recovered.
Ungoliant: So he knows how to recover...
Ungoliant did not suffer much from such a beating. She jumped to her feet and tasted a piece of Cthulhu's body. This unknown substance was tasteless, but it did not bother Ungoliant in any way, as she was just trying to satisfy her hunger.
Cthulhu let out a terrible scream. A wave of madness filled the air. Many spiders began to go crazy, pouncing on everything in a row, including their own brethren, and some even began to run blindly wherever they looked. However, the Ungoliant itself does not seem to have been affected by the wave of madness in any way.
Ungoliant: Don't try to scare me with your screams, you freak!
Cthulhu tore out some rocky rocks from the ground and began throwing them at the Ungoliant. Ungoliant deftly, with the grace of a spider, dodged the projectiles flying at her, getting closer and closer to the Great Old. Then Ungoliant jumped on Cthulhu again and knocked him down.
Ungoliant bit Cthulhu once more, but this time she injected her venom into him instead of tasting Cthulhu. Cthulhu screamed again, tore off the Ungoliant and threw it forward.
Cthulhu stood up, but felt some kind of weakness. The poison of the Ungoliant had entered his body, and it looked like it could even affect the essence of the Great Old.
Then the Ungoliant raised its front paws to the top. Suddenly, the place of battle was enveloped in pitch darkness, but it was not easy darkness — it was Non-Light, and it did not let in absolutely anything. Cthulhu stood in the middle of a blanket of darkness, completely helpless. He started waving his arms, trying to reach his opponent, but Cthulhu saw absolutely nothing. Cthulhu then tried to focus his magic to dispel the darkness. Suddenly...
The giant spider jumped back onto the Great Old and began to crawl back and forth on it. Cthulhu tried to fight back, but suddenly he felt constrained. Cthulhu tried to move, but he was completely entangled in something. It was Ungoliant who had entangled him in her black web of darkness. Cthulhu tried to break free, but the web was incredibly strong, and the spider herself held him tightly. Ungoliant completely entangled Cthulhu in a dense net, not even letting him flinch, plus her poison did its job, weakening Cthulhu.
Ungoliant: I think you will be a great source of nutrition for me and for my children. I see that you can recover from damage, so I will devour you along with my children...FOREVER!
Then Ungoliant grabbed the spider cocoon in which the weakened Cthulhu was entangled and dragged him to her lair, while her spider offspring ran after her. Now the Great Old One will forever be devoured by Ungoliant and her spider offspring.
Left without Cthulhu's support, his star spawn fell back into a state of dead sleep, and the city of R'lyeh itself went under water again, and it seems that it will never rise from the depths of the sea again.
K.O.!
Results[]
Wiz: It was a very interesting fight, but explain why Cthulhu lost?
Boomstick: To begin with, Ungoliant was much stronger and more durable than Cthulhu. Cthulhu was able to ram an ordinary ship, but Ungoliant withstood Melkor's scream and survived the beating of the balrogs.
Wiz: Cthulhu, along with his offspring, fought with ordinary aliens and could not defeat them, they had to make peace. Yes, they were very advanced aliens, but they were neither divine nor magical. Ungoliant, in turn, forced Melkor to call for help. Believe me, even a weakened Melkor will pose a great threat to Cthulhu.
Boomstick: And no, Cthulhu will not be able to drive Ungoliant crazy, since she herself is an alien and mysterious entity, and if the theory that Ungoliant is from among the Ainur is true, then her mind is generally inviolable. And Cthulhu drove only ordinary people crazy, nothing more.
Wiz: The Ungoliant poison can also affect Cthulhu. What makes us think that? Her poison was able to poison and destroy two Valar Trees, which were filled with divine light and energy. Perhaps the poison will not kill Cthulhu, but it will definitely be able to weaken him.
Boomstick: Ungoliant absorbed the light of two trees, which represented the Sun and Moon, and the light of the Wells of Varda, from which many stars and constellations were created. After all, Ungoliant has much better feats.
Wiz: Most likely, Ungoliant will not be able to kill Cthulhu because of his regeneration, but she can make him helpless thanks to her web of darkness, and even Melkor could not escape from it. The Ungoliant can also envelop Cthulhu in a veil of Non-Light, through which even Orome and Tulkas could not break through.
Boomstick: Ungoliant is much stronger and more durable, has the best hax and generally the best feats.
Winner: Ungoliant
Trivia[]
- The similarity of these characters lies in the fact that they are mysterious, incomprehensible and evil creatures with incredible power. Both characters also have terrible offspring: for Cthulhu, these are star spawns, and Ungoliant are vile spiders.