Courage vs Ren Hoek is a What-If? Death Battle episode by GoCommitDi. It is the first one to not be part of any season, as it is considered a Halloween special. It features Courage from Courage the Cowardly Dog and Ren Hoek from The Ren & Stimpy Show.
Description[]
Courage the Cowardly Dog vs Ren and Stimpy! Both are iconic animated dogs from the 1990s; one regularly faces monsters and psychopaths, whereas the other IS a monster and a psychopath! Who will come out on top in this horrific dogfight?
Author's Note: I am completely aware Ren & Stimpy's creator, John Kricfalusi, is a sick, egotistical scumbag. I do NOT -- I repeat -- I do NOT condone his repulsive behavior and actions in ANY sort of way whatsoever. Everything he did is disgusting beyond belief, and my condolences go to his victims.
Prelude[]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92H3Mscg7QQ)
Wiz: Dogs are well known as a man's best friend.
Boomstick: And the 1990s sure did prove that right. Sorta.
Wiz: These two combatants have two things in common -- one deals with monsters every day, while the other IS a complete monster.
Boomstick: Courage, the cowardly pink dog of Nowhere, Kansas...
Wiz: ...and Ren Hoek, the abusive chihuahua friend of the dimwitted red cat, Stimpy.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win in a Death Battle!
Pre-Fight Poll[]
Courage Saves Muriel from DEATH BATTLE![]
(Static)
Boomstick: We interrupt this Death Battle, to bring you...
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfXRAhUNcEw)
Boomstick: Courage the Cowardly Dog's bio!
Wiz: Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!
(Courage screams and runs from his shadow)
Boomstick: Abandoned as a pup, he was found by Muriel, who lives in the middle of Nowhere with her husband, Eustace Bagge!
Eustace: Bagh!
Wiz: But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere! It's up to Courage to save his new home!
Eustace: STUPID DOG! YOU MADE THIS PRELUDE LOOK BAD! OOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA!
Boomstick: And that's Courage's backstory summed up. While Courage may be scared of everything, including HIS OWN FUCKING SHADOW, he lives up to his name by directly conquering his fears and defeating his enemies in every episode.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIR0a7jryaw)
Wiz: With that being said, he has many impressive feats under his sleeve. On a daily basis, he ends up saving his owners from perilous enemies, such as monsters, demons, ghosts, aliens, zombies, and deranged lunatics.
Boomstick: However, once in a blue moon, he does have his encounters with beings that intend no harm, such as The Hunchback, The Starmakers, or even Eustace's mom.
Wiz: Courage has thwarted the diabolical schemes of Katz on several occasions, and has saved the farm from vengeful spirits and curses. He has even saved the entire town of Nowhere from Dr. Zalost's cannonballs with Muriel's Happy Plums, and prevented them from eating flan.
Boomstick: He saved a rabbit from her abusive boyfriend and reunited her with her close friend. He defeated an evil empress of a Chinese village and returned its power to the rightful good ruler, and he rescued the offspring of an alien star-creating squid from the government. He has met Bigfoot before and had a food fight with him.
Wiz: He helped steal three of the four heads on Mount Rushmore, and has reformed some of the creatures that have terrorized him.
Boomstick: Courage prevented the Sun's heat from dying out and he saved a race of underwater beings known as the Coralites from having their civilization destroyed.
Wiz: But we can't forget how he got revenge on the insane veterinarian who sent his parents into space by sending him to space, who was then mauled by the dogs he kidnapped in the first place.
Boomstick: And last but not least, Courage is easily one of the most popular Cartoon Network characters, despite his show ending its run in 2002. In fact, fans typically agree his show is very consistent in quality, never reaching any dips.
Wiz: Courage's show is also the longest aired series on the channel. While production on the series spanned three years, from 1999 to 2002, it lasted a whopping 13 years in reruns, and it has been reported there is a prequel series in production, meaning Cartoon Network certainly isn't finished with Courage.
Boomstick: Yeah, Teen Titans GO! better watch out, because the old Cartoon Network king might be coming back.
Wiz: Well, hopefully.
Boomstick: Courage is very fearful and paranoid as a result of what he's had to put up with for all his life. The tragic memories of losing his parents drives him to protect Muriel at all costs, as he does not want to lose another loved one at all.
Wiz: But what about Eustace?
Boomstick: Oh, that guy's an asshole. He always treats Courage like Satan incarnate. Eustace usually starts the conflict of an episode, and as karma, he often gets left behind once everything is resolved, only to meet a disastrous end, whether it be getting eaten by a monster or being trapped somewhere.
Wiz: Courage is rather childlike, as he loves to assist Muriel with chores, rest in her lap, chew on a boot, or play with toys in his free time.
Boomstick: Not much else to say about Courage's background and personality. Why don't we start off with his strength?
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb9TUYtstHc)
Wiz: Gotcha. Courage may look like a small dog you can kick around, but in reality, he is a lot tougher than he seems. To start off with, he can scream loud enough to shatter the sun within a matter of seconds!
Boomstick: This is surprisingly fairly consistent, considering how he once left a huge mark on the moon, and he could hold a star with his goddamn bare hands! And let's not forget how he could repair the sun just by applying a light bulb. He also repaired the ozone layer with a mere needle!
Wiz: He regularly trades blows with Eustace Bagge, who survived getting bitten by The Shadow. And keep in mind The Shadow can turn into a starry sky!
Boomstick: Eustace also survived a firework explosion that turned him into a constellation of 88 stars! Trust me, we've counted. Or at least tried to.
Wiz: Courage can uproot a gigantic tree off his back while chained to strong metal chains and casually walk around with it.
Boomstick: He can lift several weights that would normally be way too heavy to handle and become buff in a heartbeat. Damn, does this dog have One For All or something?
Wiz: Courage can lift Eustace's truck over his head without breaking a sweat. Pickup trucks usually weigh 1,000 kg!
Boomstick: He destroyed a spaceship that could withstand moving the entire asteroid ring around Saturn by crashing into it.
Wiz: He can also destroy his house, which lived through the entire Earth getting hit by an asteroid that was strong enough to make it spin around the sun. We'll elaborate on that feat more once we get to his durability.
Boomstick: He can stash an entire whale, accordion and anchor in his non-existent pockets. Somehow, these never worsen his speed!
Wiz: The whale appears to be an adult blue whale, so with that in mind, full-grown blue whales are capable of weighing anywhere from 110,000 to 330,000 pounds, which means Courage can carry and lift objects weighing that much with ease!
Boomstick: He can rip a metal door off a wall, bend it, crush it and toss it with no problem.
Wiz: On one occasion, Courage has been shown to be physically on par with Robot Randy, who effortlessly one-shot a robot that destroyed a mountain!
Boomstick: Courage can lift a heavy anvil out of a long tunnel, and he once pumped a water well so hard that it created a tidal wave!
Wiz: He held onto an airplane moving at top speed and could also hold onto a doorknob as Le Quack tried to suck him in with a high-powered vacuum.
Boomstick: He could hold up the God Bone and swing it around as if it were a baseball bat! Shortly afterward, he sliced it through a metal ceiling.
Wiz: He ran through a wall without a care in the world and bit off an automatic alarm. In a fit of rage, he ripped a wooden door off its hinges and threw it.
Boomstick: Courage was capable of wrapping an entire colony of frogs by their tongues with a cord, and then he tossed them to the horizon!
Wiz: He successfully bit through a leash that was completely unscathed from a flamethrower, a saw, a chainsaw, and even a small chemical explosion!
Boomstick: Courage is a mean digger, being able to dig through caves and rubble. He can give a nasty bite as well; he can chew through doors, walls, floors and steel in seconds!
Wiz: On instances that are way too many to count, he can sprint while carrying Muriel and Eustace over his head. With a pickaxe, he split an entire frozen lake into chunks!
Boomstick: He can scream loud enough to blow him up into his own skeleton!
Boomstick: It is not faulty to assume Courage's strength matches his durability, because he can consistently cause noticeable harm to himself.
Wiz: Speaking of which, we will get to Courage's durability... right now.
Boomstick: Whew...where do we begin?
Wiz: When it comes to durability...oh lord, Courage is the Spongebob of Cartoon Network! He can withstand BOATLOADS of abuse and punishment, sometimes even laughing it off!
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-MZ9XDK1Us)
Boomstick: To begin with, Courage once survived being shot into outer space, crashing through the moon hard enough to leave a large hole, and getting slammed back down to Earth!
Wiz: It's important noting the alien who smacked him is strong enough to strike a meteor with a tennis racket and make it hit Earth, causing it to spin around the sun repeatedly and send it 1,000 years into the future!
Boomstick: He was jammed into a rocket launcher and shot across the planet, only to get back up fine without injuries immediately after! How much would this yield, you may ask? Wiz, do your thing.
Wiz: Sure thing. The timeframe is 11 seconds, and the circumference of the earth is 24,901 miles. Speed was 3643120 m/s, which gives us... 15.828 kilotons of TNT.
Boomstick: Courage was completely fine from being on the scorching surface of the Sun. Hell, he even went inside the core and survived scratch-free!
Wiz: The surface of the Sun has a temperature of 5,778 K, whereas the core's temperature is 15,700,000 K.
Boomstick: He endured a brutal beating from Mecha-Courage, who was designed to be superior to him in every way possible! He was stretched, slammed, run over, and crushed into goop with an oversized nail bat - yet he still had enough energy to stand still, and he came out victorious. After that, he was in the middle of said robot's destruction, which was an explosion that covered most of the colosseum they were in, and he came out with only his fur blackened!
Wiz: He was bashed through several planets and came out in tip-top shape.
Boomstick: Sweet Jesus, this dog never receives any breaks.
Wiz: But that's not all. He withstood a giant bank explosion and was launched into the air.
Boomstick: He took a ruthless pummeling from Valkyries and was thrown out by Valhalla.
Wiz: He was in a room filled with numerous explosives, which left a deep crater upon detonation. He has also no-sold a blast from a rocket launcher.
Boomstick: He was electrocuted so hard he was launched out of the nuclear plant he was in and made a rough landing on the ground!
Wiz: He has been beaten up by aliens, thugs and robots. He has also been stung by swarms of jellyfish and wasps.
Boomstick: Courage once sustained a direct blast from Eustace's high-tech laser gun, Big Bob. He can get back up fine from getting hit by cannonballs.
Wiz: He survived a curbstomp battle against all his enemies in the episode, Ball of Revenge! It's so brutal you'd have to watch the full episode to see what went on.
Boomstick: For speed, Courage is no slouch at all. In the episode Mission to the Sun, he ran from the surface of the Sun to its core!
Wiz: He only had 8 seconds to repair the Sun according to his rocket's timer, so we will use an 8 second timeframe for this calculation. Our distance is the radius of the Sun, which is 695,510 kilometers. 695510/8 equals 86938.75 km/s, or 29% the speed of light!
Boomstick: I wonder how much kinetic energy this would give...
Wiz: Good question. Let's assume Courage weighs 50 pounds, which is the official average weight for medium-sized dogs. In kilograms, this is 22.6796 kg, and since he had to move 86938750 m/s, this would give us 9.15251986E+16 joules, or 21.9 megatons. This is as powerful as most of the United States' nuclear weapons!
Boomstick: HOLY SHI-
Wiz: Courage has even pedaled and piloted a spaceship that flew from Earth to Saturn in an incredibly short amount of time.
Boomstick: He reacted to The Shadow charging at him, who's fast enough to fly into space in a second.
Wiz: Courage is no stranger to dodging lasers. In the pilot episode, he dodged a laser that fired to Easter Island, given how it shot a Moai statue. The closest Easter Island to the center of Kansas is Poike, and the distance between them is 4,625 miles. The beam came back in 9 seconds, which would be 827024 m/s, or Mach 2411. However, since the beam returned, the numbers would be doubled at Mach 4422!
Boomstick: He also dodged lasers from the Evil Chicken's offspring, and he reacted to lightning despite having his back turned.
Wiz: He ran all the way from Kansas to Tibet, to India, to Paris, and then back to Kansas within seconds! It is highly unlikely he did this over the course of several days, because he was in a rush to save Muriel.
Boomstick: He could keep track of a spaceship that was moving through the solar system at rapid speeds with his telescope. He once dug through 1,000 years of dirt without stopping!
Wiz: He is often portrayed as faster than Eustace, who walked across the world in less than an hour.
Boomstick: Courage has reacted to a passing meteor quickly enough to accurately launch a hook to it.
Wiz: He can successfully outmaneuver speeding close-range cannonballs, even when he's tied up.
Boomstick: He can outrun Eustace's pickup truck and burrow underground at swift paces.
Wiz: He moved an entire family of deer out of the way of a blast from Big Bob before it even hit them!
Boomstick: He is capable of lunging away from speeding darts and can even catch them with his teeth!
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmnZgBpYG_4)
Wiz: When it comes to intelligence, don't ever believe in Eustace's catchphrase, "Stupid dog!". Courage can speak English coherently despite being a dog, and he solved most, if not all the problems in the show within a reasonable amount of time, which normally requires outwitting clever villains of all sorts, whether it be scientists or con men.
Boomstick: Courage is an exceedingly skilled tactician, as he has quickly built numerous contraptions and tools that have saved him in life-or-death situations. He can infiltrate highly guarded areas with little to no planning, such as military bases and banks.
Wiz: He is an on-the-fly thinker, being capable of reprogramming an advanced alien spaceship, wiring Le Quack's train to explode, and finding oxygen while stranded underwater without a submarine or scuba gear. He can think of unusual ways to escape from dangerous predicaments, such as screwing his head off his body or melting himself.
Boomstick: In a fight, he will do anything to arrange plans that will save his life, such as setting up an entire fort with a moat, inventing gadgets, setting up traps, and creating barricades. In fact, he has several objects stashed and buried around in case of emergencies.
Wiz: It is extremely difficult to trick Courage or catch him off-guard, as he is always alert for the well-beings of Muriel and himself, not to mention he has an undying tendency to never trust strangers.
Boomstick: Courage knows how to use a computer, and despite relying on it for information at times, he can figure out threats on his own. Obviously, he outsmarts monsters, creatures, demons, aliens, zombies and psychopaths every day.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEGro4NpgCg)
Wiz: He is a highly skilled cook, survivalist, tracker, repairman, puzzle solver, hypnotist and dancer. And believe it or not, but he is an official licensed therapist. He takes his job as a therapist to his advantage during his encounters with villains, as he has talked a few of them out of their harmful deeds.
Boomstick: Courage is a talented painter. He painted a perfect replica of the Mona Lisa with normal paint faster than you can say "Jack Robinson"!
Wiz: He is knowledgeable in playing the piano, tuba, violin, guitar, and many other musical instruments.
Boomstick: Let's go over Courage's abilities, shall we?
Wiz: No problem-o. The first of Courage's numerous powers is Toon Force, which is what practically every cartoon character has, unless you're from King of the Hill. It is comedic reality warping, since it allows cartoon characters to defy the laws of physics.
Boomstick: Courage has extreme regeneration, which allows him to heal from fatal catastrophes in no time. He has been burnt to ashes, disintegrated, melted to a puddle, poofed into a cloud of dust, shattered to pieces, blown up, turned inside out, deflated, sliced in half, reduced to his skeleton, decapitated, flattened, ripped apart, and dismembered, only to be fine and well instantly. He would make Deadpool proud!
Wiz: On top of regeneration, Courage has unbelievable pain tolerance as well. All of his intestines can roll out of his stomach and he won't even react at all! He can relax himself while being eaten by a tiger, and when he was a baby, he shrugged off his own tongue being torn off. And as we mentioned earlier, he took a massive beating from Mecha-Courage and won.
Boomstick: He can take a hell lot of butt kickings and it won't delay his stamina that much. In the episode Remembrance of Courage Past, he sat still for an ENTIRE night and until the next morning, where he didn't seem exhausted at all!
Wiz: Surprisingly, Courage knows martial arts. He battled the Evil Empress of China in a one-on-one karate duel and he came out on top. On another occasion, he beat the living daylights out of two professionally trained bodyguards.
Boomstick: He has a little thing called hammerspace, which allows him to pull objects out of nowhere at any time from behind his back or his pockets.
Wiz: He does not need oxygen to live, considering how he can breathe normally in outer space. He can create clones of himself, which could be useful for backup.
Boomstick: Courage can control his body to impossible degrees. He can extend his limbs to reach faraway objects or his ears to enhance his hearing. He is capable of using his tongue as a slingshot to launch himself somewhere. Speaking of his tongue, he also used it to divert a train, so basically, he can use it like a third hand.
Wiz: Courage possesses incredible shapeshifting capabilities. He can take on forms of other characters, animals, creatures, clouds, and even fully-functioning vehicles. He can turn into inanimate objects, make his body two-dimensional, and perfectly replicate someone's voice whenever he impersonates them.
Boomstick: His shapeshifting has proven to be useful in combat, because he can confuse foes or turn himself into weapons.
Boomstick: He can cause attacks to backfire by catching them with his mouth and blowing it back out at his opponent. He used this when a dragon shot fire at him, where he sucked up the fire and made it incinerate into ashes. Not only would this be immensely helpful toward fire attacks, but it will also come in handy if he's facing an opponent with energy or laser attacks.
Wiz: Being a dog, Courage has a remarkable sense of smell and hearing. He can track down opponents and objects via sniffing the air, and he can use this to properly identify things. He could hear a faraway man snoring from the highest tower of his own castle.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgRP-F-TOOo)
Boomstick: If he hops into a laundry machine, he can shrink himself, thus rendering him difficult to hit. He can shrink himself down to the size of red blood cells as he did this to go inside Eustace's body and fight off alien bacteria.
Wiz: He can physically touch intangible things, whether it be ghosts, spirits, clouds, smoke, sounds or gas.
Boomstick: Courage has immersive powers. He can enter and travel through paintings as if he were in Super Mario 64! He can go inside phone lines and pop out of telephones.
Wiz: There was even an entire episode about him going inside the Internet, which was Hard Drive Courage.
Boomstick: I hope they didn't rip off The Fairly OddParents...
Wiz: No, not really. Anyway, Courage can perform astral projection, where he gets his spirit outside his body. To do this, he must calm down and then meditate. As a spirit, Courage went to the astral plane and traveled into other people's dreams.
Boomstick: Odds are, whatever Courage can do in the real world, he can do in the astral plane as well.
Wiz: By howling, he can call other dogs from far and near for help.
Boomstick: They will rush to the scene and loyally fight by Courage's side.
Wiz: He can also call Mr. Mouse for assistance in exchange for some money and cheese. Moving on, Courage is very acrobatic. He dodged Dr. Zalost's cannonballs by performing swift acrobatic moves, and he can do 16 backflips without breaking a sweat.
Boomstick: He is highly skilled with just about any weapon he can get his hands on. Even if he hasn't held a certain weapon before, he can quickly learn about its functions and become a pro with it in no time.
Wiz: Also, we're not kidding when we say this, but he can remove people's souls by performing an exorcism dance!
Boomstick: WHAT THE FU-
Wiz: Language!
Boomstick: Courage's most notable powers next to his regeneration are his powerful lungs, or in simple terms, his loud screams. His screams can severely injure ears, stun people to the point where they can't move, and cause his surroundings to shake and crumble.
Wiz: But his most powerful scream is his Super Scream, which includes all of that, albeit tenfold. His Super Scream can send people underground and destroy his entire house! He used it against all his enemies as a last resort in a deadly game of dodgeball.
Boomstick: When he uses his Super Scream, Courage puts all his power into his lungs and screams bloody murder for almost an ENTIRE minute! However, it leaves him winded afterward.
Wiz: I think we got all his natural abilities out of the way. Time to go over Courage's weapons.
Boomstick: To start off with, Courage regularly carries around baseball bats (including a nail bat), an axe, a jackhammer, a mallet, a chainsaw, a frying pan, pies, a crossbow, a drill and a blow torch.
Wiz: He has a spring loaded boxing glove that can knock people out cold, and he always carries around a flashlight and gas mask with him. He is capable of switching places with a cardboard cutout of himself, and he often has disguises in handy.
Boomstick: Given how he's a skilled hypnotist, Courage has a yo-yo and pocket watch on him a lot. Whoever looks into either object will instantly be hypnotized. Courage can make his victims believe they're a different thing or turn them into whoever they were in their past lives.
Wiz: He can even turn people into small, weak animals!
Boomstick: He also hypnotized the entire population of Nowhere via television broadcast to stop eating flan.
Wiz: Up next is Courage's ray gun, which he stole from the Chicken from Outer Space to protect Muriel and Eustace. It shoots an energy beam, and whoever it hits will turn into an inanimate object.
Boomstick: When it hit an airplane, the plane turned into a toy. It turned a mountain into an Easter Island Head and it turned the Chicken into a roasted turkey.
Wiz: He once invented an industrial-sized vacuum, which he used to clean up large loads of filth.
Boomstick: It comes with a giant red balloon. It can make opponents float away like how it did to Conway.
Wiz: The vacuum is strong enough to suck the Statue of Liberty all the way to Kansas. This is a distance of 1193.3 miles. Assuming it took 5 seconds, this means Courage's vacuum can go at 384086.039 m/s! Also, the Statue of Liberty weighs 450,000 pounds, so in other words, Courage's vacuum can easily suck in and contain objects weighing THAT much.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8iJxWe_jTY)
Boomstick: His plunger gun shoots a plunger attached to a rope. It works very similarly to a grappling hook and it can be used to attach to objects and reel them in. It can support Muriel, who is quite heavy, mind you.
Wiz: Courage's computer has a mind of its own and can directly talk back. Courage uses it whenever he needs answers. The computer is extremely cynical and stuck-up, but at the end of the day, it provides him useful information for dealing with problems, although sometimes it doesn't have all the answers, leaving Courage to figure things out by himself.
Boomstick: His computer has the ability to scan photos or small samples, such as fungus. It can connect itself to another living being by inserting wires into the back of their heads and uploading its personality to their bodies, taking them over. Unfortunately, just like any computer, it is vulnerable to viruses and needs to be plugged in to work.
Wiz: Courage's signature weapon might have to be explosives. Where he gets them from, we will never know, but whenever there's a time that calls for blowing stuff up, he is ready. He carries bundles of TNT sticks, boxes of dynamites, black bombs, TNT barrels, and detonators!
Boomstick: I bet Michael Bay would want him as his pet.
Wiz: Sometimes he will disguise an explosive as something else, like beef jerky, and forcibly feed it to his opponent.
Boomstick: The God Bone is a colossal, mythical dog bone that Courage used as a bludgeoning weapon to defeat a group of skeletons. Although the bone forces dogs to lick it until they die, Courage actually controlled this temptation pretty well.
Wiz: Instant Quicksand can be poured into a hole alongside a glass of water to immediately create a pit of quicksand. Once an enemy stands on it, they will sink to their doom in a flash. For ages 3 and up, 60-day money back guarantee, order online for only $19.95, patent pending.
Boomstick: And with Instant Eels, he pours dehydrated eggs into water. The eels instantly hatch and become full-grown adults once planted. They will spontaneously attack anything that gets too close.
Wiz: Happy Plums were cooked by Muriel. They can be fed to opponents by flinging them into their mouths. They are so good that they will turn anybody happy and pacified. It even reduced a raging beast to a crybaby. They successfully undid the effects of Dr. Zalost's cannonballs, which leaves people eternally depressed.
Boomstick: The Kangaroo Monster Bone Fragment will turn Courage into the extinct kangaroo monster once inserted into his body. He can do this by literally hammering it into himself with a mallet.
Wiz: Courage's Kangaroo Monster form is as big as a skyscraper, and it greatly increases his strength! He can carry people in his pouch and pull out croissants that are so delicious people will become distracted, eat it, and want more.
Boomstick: The Magic Tree of Nowhere is a tree who looks like an off-brand Thanos. After Courage planted a couple of seeds that ruined his sand castle, the tree was born upon being watered by a rainstorm.
Wiz: As its name implies, the tree can grant any wish or desire. When Muriel wished for a new oven, it immediately appeared. When Courage wished for a real construction vehicle, it instantly popped up. Later, Muriel wanted her and Courage to see a movie, which suddenly caused a projector to form out of the tree's branches.
Boomstick: Courage has craptons of weapons, right? Well, you'll be surprised when you find out he resists certain powers.
Wiz: Freezing Courage with ice will not work. He once broke himself out when he was frozen after falling into a lake in the South Pole. His brain remains active when frozen, as he can make a light bulb appear above his head, which quickly thaws him out.
Boomstick: Mindhax won't work much on him, either. Courage resisted the urge to eat flan despite being hypnotized into wanting to eat it. And what's impressive is that the King of Flan managed to hypnotize the entire town of Nowhere, and potentially the whole planet!
Wiz: He also resisted the temptation to lick the God Bone, which, as stated previously, forces dogs to lick it forever.
Boomstick: Good luck trying to affect him with agehax. When Earth was sent 1,000 years into the future, he and the Bagges were the only ones unaffected.
Wiz: Extreme heat won't put him down for good. He has been to the core of the Sun and out.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATh9VEkvBvU)
Boomstick: Courage is not flawless, however.
Wiz: Courage's weaknesses are that he's...well, cowardly. He makes Luigi look like a fearless warrior. However, he is capable of overcoming his fears and confronting them directly for the sake of his loved ones.
Boomstick: His critical thinking skills fall apart when in a panic, causing him to scream, run, and blabber incoherently instead of going up to the problem.
Wiz: He tends to be selfless, since he is usually willing to save Muriel's life with little to no regard for his own well-being.
Boomstick: But despite his weaknesses, Courage should never be underestimated when it comes to a fight.
Courage: The things I do for love...
Ren Hoek Will Tear DEATH BATTLE's Arms Out![]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDEncMcgf54)
Wiz: Chances are, if you grew up in the 1990s, you know who Ren Hoek is. He's one of the two titular protagonists of the third Nicktoon, The Ren & Stimpy Show, which is iconic for its grossout humor and absurdity.
Boomstick: Which is kinda funny to think about, 'cause it premiered with the tamer Nicktoons, Doug and Rugrats. But it came at a better time than never, because prior to making its mark, the 1980s were filled with corny cartoons that were based on toys.
Wiz: Dwelling into Ren's life, he had quite the dark childhood.
Boomstick: Yeah, this is gonna get interesting, so make sure to grab a beverage, y'all.
Wiz: Raised by a chain-smoking mother and a Christian priest father, Ren grew a desire for harming animals when he was slapped in the rear by a doctor when he was born.
Boomstick: He went from plucking off the legs of a caterpillar, to licking insects with his razor sharp tongue, to setting ants on fire...to repeatedly torturing a frog.
Wiz: The poor frog was blown up, run over by a tricycle, and electrocuted. Soon enough, the frog became suicidal, begging Ren to end his life. But he decided not to; not because he was feeling generous, but because he wanted to prolong the frog's suffering.
Boomstick: At an unknown point in his life, Ren met the clumsy red cat, Stimpy. After briefly living on the streets with each other, they quickly became best friends, despite their differences. You can connect the rest of the dots from there.
Wiz: Since he originates from an outrageous series, it's no secret Ren has his fair share of feats he has accomplished over the years. To start off with, he became fire dogs alongside Stimpy, and they saved citizens from a burning building.
Boomstick: He once beat the ever-loving shit out of George Liquor! But that's not all; he gained his AFFECTION from that!
Wiz: He defeated an abominable snowman, fought in a war after joining the U.S. Army, survived a night in a haunted house, infiltrated Santa's workshop, defeated a giant bubblegum monster, and fought a hairball creature as Dogzilla!
Boomstick: Naturally, Ren packs a lot of strength. Much more than the average dog, in fact. For one, Ren is powerful enough to blow up a town with his anger alone!
Wiz: Thanks to Mr. Bambu from the VS Battles wiki, we know how much this would yield. Since this is a land-based explosion, that would be 20 psi.
W = R^3*((27136*P + 8649)^(1/2)/13568 - 93/13568)^2
W = Yield in Tons of TNT
R = Radius in Meters
P = Pressure measured in bars. 20 psi = 1.37895 bars.
Boomstick: So if we plug in the radius, what do we get?
Wiz: 128.86 Tons of TNT, which packs enough power to destroy multiple urban blocks!
Boomstick: HOT DAMN! If you think that's all Ren has to show, think again. He can casually lift and throw a bus, which often weigh anywhere between 12 to 18 tons!
Wiz: And you can't forget how he can toss a 24-inch TV and a car with just one hand!
Boomstick: Other heavy objects he has lifted include, but are not limited to, fat people who are three times his size (like yours truly), horses, moose, chunks of walls, and oversized mallets.
Wiz: His strength matches his durability, considering he regularly slaps and strangles Stimpy, who is strong enough to harm him.
Boomstick: Yup, this is a perfect time to discuss Ren's durability. He is able to withstand beatings from people tougher than him, as well as the explosion that was calculated above!
Wiz: Along with Stimpy, he survived an explosion that sent both into outer space with only minimal injuries.
Thanks to a calc by Muhammedco of Character Stats and Profiles Wiki, it has been reported this feat is worth 65.037 Kilotons of TNT.
Boomstick: He has shaken off getting struck by lightning, getting crushed under 20 billion pounds of pressure, getting crushed by a sumo wrestler hard enough to shake a skyscraper, going through 167 days without food or water, getting zapped by a disintegration ray, and the explosion of a building worth of fireworks. Holy shit!
Wiz: That's not all, he even tanked an entire factory of nuclear explosions going off at point-blank range!
Boomstick: Remember what we said about Stimpy being able to harm Ren? Well, Stimpy is capable of effortlessly smacking a golf ball from an asteroid to Earth! We would like to think Mr. Bambu again for calculating this.
Wiz: On top of that, Ren has also endured electrocution, getting shot by a barrage of arrows, being flattened by a steamroller, falling from a skyscraper without injuries, getting crushed by a house, having his skin torn off, and having a bomb go off inside of him!
Boomstick: For speed, Ren is faster than he looks. He has caught up with speeding cars, outran a tornado, dodged bullets, and even reacted to lightning!
Wiz: As Dogzilla, he was able to catch a fighter jet in midair. Fighter jets themselves can fly at speeds of 1,500 miles per hour, or Mach 2. He also navigated Santa's sleigh, which would require flying around the world for 32 hours, swiftly entering houses, putting presents in there, and quickly leaving!
Boomstick: He has also reacted to shots from tanks and lava erupting from volcanoes. He has even swam from Europe to America in an unknown timeframe! All of these are rather consistent with his lightning dodging feat.
Wiz: He can run fast enough to appear as a blur, sprint up walls, dodge axe swings from a mad fireman, and build up dust clouds!
Boomstick: When it comes to intelligence, Ren shouldn't be taken for granted. Like, at all. He is much smarter than Stimpy and regularly comes up with schemes. He is smart enough to hack a television broadcast with a sheep, scam people for a quick buck, fool people with disguises, and pull off successful heists.
Wiz: If he notices any weakness his opponent has, he WILL take advantage of it. It helps that he will never hesitate to fight dirty to win in anything. He is highly proficient in breaking into people's homes and stealing their belongings without making a peep.
Boomstick: Speaking of houses, he is very good at building, as he made a house from scratch by himself. WITH plumbing and electricity. And he's no stranger to operating spaceships either.
Wiz: However, Ren is not a genius by any means. He is extremely impulsive, which leads to him making poor decisions more often than not. Some of his mistakes have lead to him getting injured or even killed. Case in point when he got beaten up by babies after scamming them to take their place, and when he urinated on an electric fence.
Boomstick: For Ren's abilities, he is a natural user of Toon Force, which we've already explained. But anyway, it grants him numerous abilities, such as regeneration.
Wiz: Ren has instantly reformed himself from being burnt to ashes, melted to a puddle, flattened, blown up, torn to shreds, twisted, ripped in half, decapitated, grounded into powder, dismembered, and reduced to his skeleton. That sure does make it annoying to get rid of him, huh?
Boomstick: When he's pissed enough, he'll breathe out blasts of fire at his target while screaming.
Wiz: His anger also allows him to create explosions, such as the one already listed above. However, he can also release his rage in the form of smaller explosions that don't destroy cities, but are still visible from a far distance.
Boomstick: Much like the pink dog he's about to fight today, Ren possesses complete control over his body. He can stretch his limbs, inflate himself like a balloon, increase the size of his fists, hide inside small places, punch enemies with his eyeballs, and pull out items from his non-existent pockets.
Wiz: With the Sleeper Hold, Ren bites down on the back of his opponent's head, causing them to immediately become drowsy and slowly fall into a deep sleep. However, not only will this be ineffective if they have consumed coffee beforehand, but it's incredibly close-range and will thus be useless if his target has ranged attacks or simply gets him off of them.
Boomstick: When Ren is absolutely enraged or if he feels he's about to die, that's when he enters his feral state.
Wiz: He becomes completely devoid of sanity and focused on murdering his opponent no matter what it takes. So much so, that he can devour people in this state!
Boomstick: Moving onto equipment, Ren is as armed as the average American! He has carried around dynamites, shotguns, axes, crowbars, mallets, lighters, baseball bats, whips, spears, a flyswatter, a retractable harpoon gun, magnets, anvils, a golden oar, and 2X4s!
Wiz: He and Stimpy both possess a time machine, which not only allows him to travel through time (duh), but it can also open holes that can banish opponents to the far distant past or future. HOWEVER, overuse of it is basically suicide for him, as it will unravel the space-time continuum as we know it. So it's best if only used once. Or never.
Boomstick: Power-ups he has in handy are Powdered Toast, which grants him invulnerability for 13 seconds, Stinky Socks, which boosts his speed for 7 seconds, and Rubber Nipples, which allow him to walk up walls and ceilings.
Wiz: Ren never fails to forget to carry around disguises. They vary from splashing black-and-white paint on himself to look like a Dalmation, to sporting an abundance of wigs and clothing.
Boomstick: And while he doesn't typically carry this everywhere he goes, Ren once built a wooden catapult, which can fire large flaming rocks that are strong enough to vaporize most of a prison!
Wiz: Atomic Sugar Frosted Lumps, which sound more complicated than they already do, are lumps of spoiled milk zapped with radiation that, upon consumption, will transform Ren into Dogzilla.
Boomstick: As Dogzilla, Ren's strength is greatly increased, and he becomes as tall as a building. Sturdy enough to defeat a giant hairball monster and quick enough to climb to the top of the Chrysler Building, he sure is impressive for a Wal-Mart brand Godzilla.
Wiz: But as impressive as Ren's power is, he is not without his flaws.
Boomstick: Ren hardly has any proper combat experience, as he really only fights through strangling and slapping.
Wiz: While smarter than Stimpy, he is not immune to moments of idiocy. Not only has he once urinated on an electric fence, and not only is he extremely impulsive, but almost all of his plans never fail to backfire on him, with some leading them to severe injuries or even death. Speaking of which, Ren can still die from starvation or choking.
Boomstick: He still needs oxygen to live, as he cannot breathe in outer space.
Wiz: He tends to be cowardly, he is mentally unstable, he has a fear of baboons, he isn't as pain tolerant as Stimpy, and he can easily get distracted by attractive women.
Boomstick: But no matter how flawed Ren is, there is one thing you should remember - don't fuck with this chihuahua.
Ren: I'm so angry! First, I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do! And then, I'm gonna...gouge your eyes out! Yeah...that's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, you're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna TEAR your arms out of their sockets! And you wanna know what else?! I'm gonna hit 'cha, and you're gonna fall! And I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh!
Interlude[]
A coin was flipped, and it landed on heads. Looks like Courage will receive the homefield advantage.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once in and for all!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!
Pre-Fight[]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7G--2s3bdc)
Somewhere in the secluded town of Nowhere, Kansas, Courage was frantically running through a field of plains, desperately searching for the whereabouts of his owners, Muriel and Eustace Bagge. He knew something HAD to happen to them for them to mysteriously disappear overnight, but what WAS the thing that could've possibly occurred?
"Oh, come on!" Courage told himself in a worried tone. "I just know they have to be around here somewhere!"
Suddenly, his ears raised in the air as he heard a wailing scream from a faraway distance. Using his natural dog senses, it didn't take him long to figure out where the source was. The first thing he saw was a skinny cream-colored chihuahua, Ren Hoek, stuffing his tied-up owners into the trunk of a car! By his side was the chubby blue-nosed red cat, Stimpy. He couldn't believe the sight! He just couldn't help but scream in terror.
"Get in there, fatso!" Ren shouted at Muriel as he tried to kick her in there. "Do you have so much STUPIDITY in that body?!"
"Uhh, Ren, I don't know about this," Stimpy nervously told his short-tempered best friend. "We've already caused enough trouble to this nice old couple. I mean, you did drag me into robbing their house with you, and..."
"STEEMPY, SHUT UP ALREADY!"
Stimpy had no choice but to follow his command.
"D'aw, screw thees!" Ren said. "The fat oaf won't fit in the trank!"
"HEY!" Eustace yelled. "Nobody bullies my wife except for me!" He tried to whack Ren in the face, but it's kinda hard to do that when there's a rope tied to your body.
"I do the talking around here, baldy!" Ren shouted back, slapping the bald farmer. "Change of plans, Steempy - we gotta put 'em in the back seats before the poleece arrive! They've already squealed!" Courage couldn't watch anymore of this. He stomped up to Ren and barked at him, growling in anger.
"Aww, what's wrong?" Ren teased. "Does the peenk mutt want his stew-pid owners back?" Suddenly, he was interrupted with Courage biting his arm. "YEEEAAAAOOOOWWWW!" he yelped. "Steempy, you better leave. This ain't gonna be pree-tee!"
"Aw shoot, Ren, that's all ya had to say!" And so Stimpy quickly took off.
Forcing the pink dog off his arm, Ren clenched his hands into balls of fists. "You're gonna have to get through me if yew want yer owners back, toilet breath!"
But before the fight could start, Courage only had six words to say. He faced the audience.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo3pzKYs0pA)
"The things I do for love..."
Fight![]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXnv9FyyKno)
Before Courage was able to make his first move, Ren grabbed the pink guard dog by his ears and threw him to the ground, slapping him back and forth mercilessly. "Show me what yew got, turd-face!" Ren shouted, but before he knew it, Courage pulled off a swift backflip, kicking Ren in the eyes. He let out an ear-piercing shriek of pain as he clutched onto his closed eyelids, and soon enough, Courage tackled him to the ground, biting into him as if he were a Thanksgiving dinner and pouncing on him like a leopard. Ren tried to get him off, begging for mercy. Knowing he wasn't going to go out like this, he retaliated with a violent headbutt that caused Courage to quickly pull away and let out an "ouch!".
Now that his target was distracted, he forcibly grasped his hands around Courage's throat and squeezed it. Courage gasped for air as Ren strangled him. Ren's eyes turned bloodshot, and his tight hands formed a tougher grip. "You're gonna be my dinner tonight, yew eediot!" Ren taunted. Suddenly, Courage melted himself into a puddle to escape. "What the he-?!" Ren asked in clear confusion, but before he could finish his sentence, he slipped on Courage, who then proceeded to regenerate himself. Ren slowly got back up, until he was abruptly kicked in the groin. If you're a male, you should know how much THAT hurts - there was no ignoring the pain. It felt like he was experiencing childbirth and a kidney stone passing at once! Ren's pupils immediately shrunk, and he held onto his family jewels. "OUCH! OH MY GOD!" he loudly cried.
Courage screamed into Ren's ear, which stunned him and worsened the pain he was already dealing with. "YAAAAOOOOOWWWWW!!!!" the chihuahua yelped.
The coast was clear for now. Now that Ren was stunned, Courage took the time he had to his advantage by sprinting towards his house. But it didn't take too long for the insane one to recover. "HEY!" he shouted. "COME BACK HERE, YEW STEW-PID DOG!". Courage screamed and ran into his residence, slamming the door shut. Ren kicked it down and marched inside. "Heeeeeeere's Ren! Come out, come out wherever you are..."
Although the lights were still on, he couldn't find Courage anywhere. "Now where did that mutt go?" he questioned himself. But unbeknownst to him, Courage managed to disguise himself as a rug to stay out of sight. He performed a sneak attack on Ren by smacking the back of his head with a frying pan. "OW! WHAT DE HECK WAS THAT?!" the lunatic dog shrieked. And then he was hit again on the jaw, and then the gut, slamming Ren down. As expected, he became more furious. "OH, NOW YOU'VE DONE EET, YEW STEW-PID FOOOOOOL!!!"
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdGAVDkQfko)
Ren shot out a stream of fire from his mouth. Before it had a chance of reaching the not-so-"stupid" dog, Courage opened his mouth and quickly closed them. Then, he opened it back up, redirecting the fire back at Ren, who screamed bloody murder as he was burnt to a pile of ashes. Looking at his handiwork, Courage cheered and performed a small victory dance.
However, he knew he wasn't finished when he saw Ren slowly reforming himself from dust. But hey, at least he wasn't angry this time...
He was absolutely PISSED.
He rushed towards the sane dog with a shotgun prepared in his hands. Courage screamed as he saw the chihuahua charging for him, who was ready to pull the trigger. Fortunately, Courage had an idea. He took out a baseball bat from his non-existent pockets, and when Ren made his shot, Courage whacked the bullet back at Ren, who became overwhelmed by the pink dog's speed and thus failed to see the bullet coming for him, which went through his head. "OW! Dat hurt!" he shrieked.
If his shotgun didn't work, he was gonna have to take out the big guns - literally. Ren pulled out his trustworthy harpoon gun and aimed for Courage's head, but the cowardly dog proceeded to catch the rushing harpoons with his teeth. Upon chewing them up, he spat them back out at Ren, who screamed as he tried to dodge the bitten bits. But it was too late - they jammed him into the wall just like darts.
Ren clenched his teeth in anger as he removed the chewed-up harpoons off of him, which allowed him to get down from the wall. "Is dodgin' all you got?!" he challenged. "You made a big mistake, pal!" Suddenly, he realized he couldn't find Courage anywhere. "D'aw crap, where did he go?"
He proceeded to rush upstairs, hoping to find his last known whereabouts, and the first thing he realized was that the hallway was pitch black. "Oh great, is thees a game of cat-and-mouse now?" At that moment, he could feel himself growing shorter. "Wait, what's going on?" As the lights flickered on, he realized he was sinking in a pit of quicksand. Panicking, he extended his arms to a nearby doorknob as his head quickly dropped into the quicksand, and he tried with all his strength to escape, which he eventually did. Then, he wiped sweat off his forehead, relieved he was alive.
Courage wasn't expecting this. Ren turned his attention to him and growled. The cowardly one screamed and tried to hide somewhere, but with Ren in his field of vision, he had no choice but to try to escape from being cornered. Ren on the other hand was trying to brainstorm of something, while simultaneously approaching Courage. If fire and trying to shoot him wouldn't work, what would?
A-ha! Since his anger was already boiling, he knew what to do. Before Courage could run away...
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!
The house exploded into smithereens, engulfing the surrounding environment as well. Both dogs fell from the sky, covered in burns from the colossal bang. Courage slowly got back up, whereas Ren was frustrated to see that his opponent was STILL alive. How?! He thought an explosion like that was sure to kill a small mutt like Courage! "You ought to eat anvil, ya piece o' crep!" Ren taunted as he took out an oversized anvil. Courage screamed and grabbed it before it could flatten him like a pancake. "What de heck?!" the chihuahua asked. The pet dog of the Bagge family used his strength to drop the anvil on Ren, who was then crushed. Ren burrowed out. His body was now flatter than the state of Florida, but he spontaneously reshaped himself.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHCIzKB2g3M)
Remember what I said earlier about Ren being absolutely pissed? Well, believe it or not, but he was even more so now! His teeth and nails sharpened, and his fur became wrangled. That's right, folks, he turned feral! He charged at Courage, who attempted to run, which became futile as he was toppled. Ren swung his claws at his chest, and Courage screamed in pain as he was slashed back and forth. Grabbing Ren by the tongue, he swung him around like a lasso and threw him over his head. After roughly landing on the dirt, Ren ran back towards the pink dog, who proceeded to dodge the incoming attack. Ren made another attempt to tackle him, but it was no use - it seemed Courage was just too fast. "THAT'S EET!" Ren insisted, in an angrier tone than before, as he took out a dynamite from his...butt. "An old repurposing of the ol' TNT, and you'll be gone for good!"
Courage was almost tempted to run away in fright, but he had to face his fears. This insane chihuahua had just robbed his house and tried to do who-knows-what to his owners, so he had to confront him directly. Courage made an expression that meant he wasn't afraid, and he took out a dynamite from his non-existent pockets as well. They tossed their dynamites at each other at the same exact time, creating an explosion that was larger than expected, and it sent both dogs flying.
Ren sprinted at Courage upon getting back up, with an axe in his hands. However, Courage countered it by taking out an axe of his own as well. Soon enough, they engaged in an ax duel that was so intense that sparks could be seen. Courage dodged all of Ren's swings, whereas Ren never had the chance to get the better, as he was too busy getting chopped around his body, continuously shrieking in agony as the deep, flesh-piercing cuts went in and out of him.
Ren became frustrated and tossed his ax at Courage. He yelped as his body was split in half, but then his upper half jumped back on top, reforming himself back to normal. The moment he saw Ren about to give him a mean slap, Courage quickly morphed himself into a nail bat and smacked Ren mercilessly. Fresh blood spilled out from Ren as he received an entire series of a sharp pummeling all around. He was reduced to a pile of goo, but he slowly reconstituted himself. Courage ran towards a conveniently located outhouse. "GEEET BACK HERE!" the chihuahua commanded.
The door slammed shut, and Ren chased after him before trying to force it open, but then he became frightened when he saw Mr. Mouse stomping out.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfG8pP1_K7k)
"OH MY GOD!" Stimpy's best friend exclaimed. "WHAT EES THAT?!"
Before he could even think about retaliating, Mr. Mouse forcibly grasped Ren by his noodle arms and punched him in the face several times, with each hit never failing to connect. Afterwards, he tossed him through a brick wall. Courage then slowly came out of hiding.
"Thanks, Mr. Mouse," he told the gentle-voiced rat, handing him $5 and a block of cheese.
"No prob," he told him, walking away.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-g3iiZdnQ)
Ren weakly regained his posture. Courage delivered a karate chop directly to his stomach. He attempted to punch him in the face as well, but Ren swiftly dodged the incoming attack. With the upper hand now, Ren kicked him down to the ground and returned to his feral state. Biting deep into Courage's skin, the pink dog screamed for mercy before giving Ren a harsh uppercut, which sent him flying into the air. Now Ren was the one to drop to the floor.
Courage pulled out his trustworthy frying pan. "That's cute," Ren expressed, taking out his golden oar. He charged towards the cowardly dog, but Courage smacked the oar away and gave a harsh smack to Ren's head, which made his skull crack to a slight extent, and a pool of blood oozed out. Courage repeatedly slammed it against the back of his head. Desperate to save his own life, Ren prepared to bite Courage's arms to at least make him stop, but Courage already knew what he was about to plan out. He stretched his arms away, reaching for the Bagge residence, and he wrapped his legs around Ren's.
Using his natural stretchiness, Courage let his legs free, which made Ren violently slam into the roof of the house, leaving him in a brief daze. The pink dog set himself into the ground and took out a blowtorch, releasing fire into Ren's eyes. "MY EYES!!!!" the psychotic chihuahua cried out. He let out the fire with his bare hands, and his eyes now looked like he just smoked weed.
Once he tried to make sure it was ok to at least blink again, Ren witnessed Courage jam a bone into his body. But this wasn't any bone; it was the Kangaroo Monster Bone Fragment! The not-so-stupid dog was as tall as a skyscraper and resembled a kangaroo-dinosaur hybrid.
"Two can play at that game."
Forcefully shoving a bowl of Atomic Sugar Frosted Lumps down his slim throat, Ren- oops, I mean Dogzilla, immediately received a massive increase in stature as well. "Show me what yew got, stupid dog!" he shouted, with his voice echoing into the distance. Courage didn't hesitate to hop over to him, and Ren could feel his anger boiling. Literally - he felt fire coming up his body. He let out a blast of fire from his mouth.
"YEW STEW-PID DOG!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN TO DIE?!!? YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN TO NOT STICK YOUR BIG FAT NOSE INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BEES-NEES!!!!!!"
But it seemed Courage still remembered what he learned from the Good Empress of China, because once again, he managed to contain Ren's fire into his mouth. He spat the fire back out at Ren, who received several burns across his face as a result. Dogzilla ran towards him and knocked down Courage with a kick to the shin, but then Courage grabbed him by the leg. He struggled to escape, but it was no use. The pet dog of Muriel and Eustace tossed him to a nearby city. Ren ended up slamming into, ironically enough, a hospital, where a Wilhelm scream and a familiar "MY LEG!" exclaim was heard.
Ren saw something approach him. It was Courage - again. The Bagges' pet dog picked up Stimpy's best friend and tossed him into the sky. Then, he proceeded to quickly hop after Ren's flying body, and he punched him so hard that Ren was sent flying once again. Ren tried to fight back, but he was met with several quick punches to the face. There was no way of stopping this attack. Courage was not holding back at all. Stains of blood spread everywhere in the crater Ren was buried in. Half of his bones, including his ribcage, was shattered beyond belief, and he could feel his skull slowly fracturing and poking out of his head. He wasn't dead, but by this point, he was on the verge of it.
To ensure a dog like Ren could at least have a quiet death, Courage set the God Bone next to Ren's slowly rotting body. Ren didn't even take half a second to start licking it. Now that he was distracted, Courage had a way of ending this. He scavenged through his pockets, and soon enough, he took out the ever-powerful ray gun. Ren still had his back turned. Courage pulled the trigger, and... ZAP!
K.O.!
Aftermath[]
Courage removed the bone fragment from himself immediately after Ren was turned into a lifeless golf ball, and he returned to Muriel and Eustace to set them free. Afterwards, they returned to the Bagge farmhouse, with all of their belongings back, and Courage relaxed in Muriel's lap as Eustace read the newspaper.
Meanwhile, Stimpy deeply mourned the loss of his best friend. He may not have watched the fight...but when he didn't return after a week, he just knew something terrible happened to him. Sure, Ren was a bad role model by regularly strangling and slapping him. But no matter how harsh Ren was on him, Stimpy could always count on him to be there for him at all costs.
Results[]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIR0a7jryaw)
Boomstick: Hot damn! We should really replay that.
Wiz: That was brutal, wasn't it, Boomstick?
Boomstick: Oh hell yeah. But enough chit-chat, let's go over the results first.
Wiz: Sure thing. Now, we won't deny there may be someone out there who thinks this may have sounded like a close fight. But when you sit down and think about this for a hot second...it's pretty obvious everything just leaned in favor of Courage. He, more or less, easily outclasses Ren in every single category.
Boomstick: To start off with, Ren's best strength feat is from harming Stimpy, who survived a town level feat. That simply pales in comparison to Courage shattering the goddamn sun with a scream, holding up a star above his head, destroying a house that tanked a meteor clashing into Earth, creating a huge mark on the moon, destroy a spaceship that survived moving the asteroid ring around Saturn, and show comparison to a robot who should be superior to one that destroyed a mountain within a single blast.
Wiz: That's why if we weren't generous, Courage would have instantly won. Even if Ren used ALL of his power-ups at once, Courage would still have the strength, speed and durability to effortlessly beat him to death within a matter of seconds.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, durability and speed. Let's go over those.
Wiz: When it comes to durability, Ren couldn't ever hope of killing, let alone hurt, Courage. Not only has Courage tanked crashing through the moon and getting slammed back down to Earth, but he has also survived Earth rapidly spinning around the sun after getting hit by a meteor, a violent beating from a robot designed to be superior to him, getting launched around the planet, and being on both the sun's surface and its core.
Boomstick: Not to mention he was also too damn fast for Ren to tag. Yeah, Ren can dodge lightning, but good luck with trying to say he can easily keep up with someone who can run at 29% the speed of light, dodge lasers and asteroids, pilot a spaceship that flew from Earth to Saturn in seconds, dig through 1,000 years of dirt in no time flat, and run to numerous countries in an incredibly short timeframe.
Wiz: And do we even need to go over skill and experience? Ren is not the best fighter out there, as he usually only fights through simple slaps and strangles. Courage on the other hand deals with demons, ghosts, mythical figures and criminals almost every day.
Boomstick: There's intelligence, too. Yeah, Ren is manipulative, but he's not book smart, and there's no way Courage would ever fall for his bullcrap, because Ren is only good at tricking idiots, which Courage isn't at all. Not to mention in Ren's show, his schemes always backfire miserably on him. Why? Because they can be traced back to his own ego 95% of the time.
Wiz: Courage, despite wrongly being called a "stupid dog" by Eustace, is a gadget-maker who outsmarts his villains on a daily basis within a short amount of time, he's highly talented in several different subjects, he has an undying tendency to never trust strangers, and he's skilled in improvisation. So with those being said, Courage easily took this battle in smarts as well.
Boomstick: Now you may be thinking, "But wait! I thought Ren was High Outerversal because of the History Eraser Button! And because he scales to Stimpy, who transcends the SpongeBob universe!". Wellllll, there are many huge problems with that.
- The History Eraser Button is not something that Ren has in his inventory, because it's only accessible from a one-off spaceship
- Even if it was something Ren could normally use AND if we ignored the fact Courage would have already done something before he had a chance of activating it, the button would instantly count as a loss for Ren, because when Stimpy pressed it, he and Ren were clearly affected by it
- Ren wouldn't even use it in a fight to begin with. Not only has it never been used in a life-threatening situation, but he knows the risks of it, because he kept advising Stimpy to not push it
- Stimpy "transcending the SpongeBob universe" is already a faulty argument to begin with, because that's like saying The Simpsons are High Outerversal for transcending Itchy & Scratchy
- To sum it up, Outerversal Ren and Stimpy is a big fat outlier for a multitude of reasons
Wiz: You might also have thought Ren could have won if he removed Courage from the battlefield with his time machine. That WOULD have worked...if Courage wasn't better in everything. Nothing would have stopped him from destroying it with anything, especially considering how he has ranged weapons - ones that would immediately break anything Ren has, as they scale to Courage's normal destructive capacity without question.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, and while Ren does have impressive regeneration, that doesn't mean he's unkillable.
Wiz: He has never survived anything on Courage's level, meaning realistically, one hit would have already been enough to handle him.
Boomstick: Looks like Ren had a "bone" to pick with, and he ended up getting screwed over from it.
Wiz: The winner is Courage!
Courage (Winner)
- WAY more stronger (+)
- WAY more durable (+)
- FAR faster, to the point of speedblitz (+)
- A lot smarter (+)
- More skilled and experienced by a long shot (+)
- Superior arsenal and versatility (+)
- Better range (+)
- While he is undoubtedly more cowardly by light years, this probably wouldn't matter much since he can easily conquer his fears for the sake of Muriel (-/+)
Ren Hoek (Loser)
- Nowhere near as cowardly (+)
- Initially more willing to kill (+) although...
- Ren's physical stats cannot even begin to compare to Courage's, and his weapons or power-ups don't make any difference in clearing the massive gap (-)
- His arsenal can't even scratch Courage, let alone survive attacks from him (-)
- Can't even compete in intelligence (-)
- Doesn't come close to skill/experience (-)
- Has never faced anything like Courage (-)
Trivia[]
- This is GoCommitDi's first holiday special.