Conker VS Duke Nukem is a What-if? Episode created by Raiando and Tonygameman, it features Conker from Conker's Bad Fur Day and Duke Nukem from his eponymous franchise.
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Description[]
Rareware VS 3D Realms, these two badass Video Game characters Duke it out, will the Squirrel conquer Duke Nukem, or will the Human Nuke him out?
Interlude[]
Wiz: There has been many badass characters in the fiction.
Boomstick: like let's say Rambo, Terminator and many more.
Wiz: And these two are no exception.
Boomstick: Conker: The Fourth-Wall breaking Squirrel.
Wiz: And Duke Nukem: The Alien Ass Kicker.
Raiando: We're BACK with Tony!!! Again since that Bandicoot vs. Mudokon battle.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and i'm Boomstick.
Tonygameman: And we are Tonygameman and Raiando himself.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their Weapon, Armor, and Skill to find out Who Will Win...A Death Battle!
(The Doors of Death Battle slam shut and open to Conker's Analysis)
Conker Reloads In (Raiando)[]
Boomstick: Before Conker was The King of all the land, he was just a normal squirrel who spends his time with his beloved girlfriend: Berri.
Wiz: One day, Conker was in a pub called....Cock and Plucker.
Raiando: What kind of name is that?
Tonygameman: IDK Rai but Conker was spending his time in there, and he was very drunk, so drunk that he vommitted while he was getting out of the Pub.
Boomstick: He should'a used the bathroom before getting out.
Wiz: Anyway, while Conker was going home, he ended up going into wrong way because he was drunk..again.
Boomstick: And the next day he wakes up and sees he's on the Panther Kingdom and Conker is still Drunk.
Wiz: And then he meets a Talking Scarecrow named Birdie
Conker: Beardy?
Birdie: No..Birdie, I scare birds.
Tonygameman: Conker tried to get help from Birdie so he go home, but Birdie couldn't help him with that.
Boomstick: Instead, Birdie teached him something called Context Sensitive, with that Conker can pull out an Object out of nowhere, Conker pulls out whatever he needed to get out of his Drunk state.
Wiz: As Conker now goes home, his way is interrupted by a Giant Gargoyles but Conker got rid of em with a Frying Pan.
Boomstick: But his journey to going home wasn't over, Conker met bunch of people from Panther Kingdom and most of them are really annoying for the Squirrel fella.
Raiando: All he wanted was to go home and sleep.
Wiz: Anyway, let's talk about Conker's Abilities.
Boomstick: Starting off with Funny Helicopter Tail Thing, he can glide around for a short Time with his tail...now where have i seen that before?
(Shows a Gameplay of Sonic 2 where Tails is using his flight)
Tonygameman: Conker's Frying Pan is one of his Default Weapons, he hits his Enemies so hard that makes them flinch.
Raiando: Conker can somehow turn into an Anvil, and crush his foes beneath him.
Wiz: And Conker has the Ability of Hammerspace, in the other words: Context Sensitive, as we mentioned before he pulls out whatever he needs in right time.
Boomstick: Conker has a lot of Context Sensitive Items, so we have list a few of them, like a Plunger and a TNT, Flamethrower, Butcher Knifes, Submachine Guns, Shotgun, Crossbow, Rocket Launcher and a Katana.
Raiando: Conker is a one tough Squirrel, he was able to kill the entire Tediz army, solo.
Boomstick: He also killed a Giant Living Shit and an Xenomorph named Henrinch.
Tonygameman: Conker is really fast as he was able to dodge bullets..Matrix style.
Wiz: And was able to outrun Wasps while carrying a Hive.
Tonygameman: Only downside of Conker is that he's really clumsy sometimes.
Raiando: And not to mention, he lost his beloved girlfriend Berri at hands of Weaso, Berri was the only person Conker liked and she died, poor Squirrel.
(Cue Zombie Villagers rising out of their graves and coming after Conker)
Conker: More Zombies...time for a Double-Barrel Boy...hopefully for the last Time.
(The Doors of Death Battle slam shut, finishing Conker's bio and open for Duke Nukem's bio)
Duke Nukem Chews Bubblegum and Kicks Ass (Tonygameman)[]
Tonygameman: Little is known about the past of Duke Nukem, gaming's manliest man.
Wiz: Apparently, one day he showed up, started kicking ass and taking names, before he fought off an alien invasion and saved the world. With his newfound fame, he opened up burger joints, casinos, and even scored some women. But there was a problem. The aliens were coming back.
Raiando: So what does he do? He goes and kicks their asses!
Boomstick: He even takes the fight to THEM, going from Hollywood to a Spaceship on his quest to save his babes. Come get some!
Wiz: Duke is pure muscle, the guy benches 600 lbs, and can tear cyborgs apart with ease.
Tonygameman: Like Doomguy, he runs faster than rockets, and can even jump on top of buildings.
Raiando: And he's one tough bastard to put down. Shrink Rays? Devastator missiles to the chest? No matter. All in a day's work for the Duke.
Wiz: For starters, Duke simply uses his boot, which can kick alien and robot ass alike.
Tonygameman: Those weapons...excuse me, he also uses a small yet effective pistol that fires 24 rounds.
Boomstick: Like Doomguy, he also carries a badass shotgun to work as well!
Raiando: And the Ripper Cannon, a destructive yet, inaccurate at a long range, Chain-gun like weapon.
Wiz: The Pipe Bomb, which detonates after being thrown.
Tonygameman: And the Laser Tripbomb, a highly destructive set of lasers.
Boomstick: Like all Action heroes, Duke comes armed with an RPG-
Raiando: And a Shrinker, that can take down weak foes by shrinking them, but only for a short time.
Wiz: He comes with a Microwave Expander that expands a part of his opponent's body until it bursts.
Tonygameman: He also has the Devastator, which is a dual wielded Rocket Launcher that fires like a Machine Gun.
Boomstick: And...THE FREEZETHROWER!!! WHICH FREEZES YOU AND SHIT BEFORE YOU MEET YOUR BLOODY DEATH IN A BLOCK OF ICE!!!!
Raiando: THEM WEAPONS!!!
Wiz: Duke's glasses can make him a douche all day! As he can wear them at night due to Night Vision purposes!
Boomstick: Along with a jetpack that can last for about two minutes.
Raiando: Duke scored so many babes for him constantly due to him being so fucking sexy!
Tonpelimies: He also served in the Lebanese Civil War, wrote a book about himself and destroyed the entire Cycloid invasion force on the Moon.
Wiz: He went back in time and annihilated the forces of the Nazis and aliens.
Boomstick: I would like to see Hitler being punched in the face by Duke similar to Captain America's first comic cover!
Raiando: But, Duke isn't perfect and invincible yet, he does have a huge ego, and if you dare capture or hurt one of his babes?
Tonygameman: He...loses his shit.
Wiz: He also lacks any means of armor or protection.
Boomstick: But, Duke has an impressive resume, but can he match that drunken squirrel?
cue Duke Nukem shouting "Hail to the King, Baby!"
(The Doors of Death Battle slam shut, finishing Duke Nukem's bio and open to Pre-Fight)
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: Alright! The combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: But first, we gotta show you some fresh food fo-
Raiando: Boomstick! We don't do advertisements in this wiki.
Boomstick: Oh...anyway.
Tonygameman: And now...
Everyone: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!
(The Doors of Death Battle slam shut and open for the fight)
Death Battle[]
In a Dark Night of the City, a Red Squirrel is seen walking down the street while Drunk, he goes by the name of Conker.
Conker: I'm so tired...i need to go home and sleep with Berri....oh wait she's dead....oh well.
While walking around he heard some Disco music coming from a nearby Palace.
Conker: Huh? I wonder what's goin' on in there, let's check it out.
Conker then breaks into the palace and goes up, he peaks out of the corner and all then he sees a Blonde Man with sunglasses along with bunch of Babes.
Conker: Man, this guy has a lot of babes, i'm so jealous right now, oh well...I know what to do.
Conker then opens the doors and quickly rushes towards Duke, he leaps and kicks Duke right in the face, then Conker kidnapped a few of babes.
Duke Nukem gets up and then he pulls out his gun.
Duke: Stop right there, you rodent.
Conker: Nope.
Conker responds, Duke tried to shoot the Red Squirrel but it ends up killing the women, Duke gets really angry.
Conker: Uh oh, this isn't gonna be good.
Fight!
Duke rushes towards Conker and tried to punch him, but Conker dodged the punch,
Conker then swings his Frying Pan at Duke Nukem, who got flinched when hit.
Conker then punches Duke multiple times, but the last punch is countered by Duke's Mighty Boot, The Red Squirrel gets knocked away from the Mighty Boot and he lands on a Giant Pad with a Letter B on it, Conker gets up and a light bulb appears on Conker's Head.
Conker: Heh, let's see how you'll handle this, Blonde Guy.
The Duke pulls out his Pistol and starts to shoot at Conker, but The Red Squirrel quickly pulls out a Submachine Gun and starts to shoot, both of their bullets are colliding each other.
Both of their ammos run out, Duke Nukem pulls out an RPG and shot at Conker but he dodges it, the Red Squirrel pulls out his Slingshot and shot right on Duke's Sunglasses.
Duke then pulls out his Shotgun and he starts to shoot the Red Squirrel, but he dodges the shots, Conker then pulls out his Chainsaw and then he charges towards Duke Nukem, he swings The Chainsaw to rip Duke in two, but he dodges it, Conker swings his Chainsaw at Duke Nukem again but he backflips away and throws a Pipe Bomb beneath Conker, The Pipe Bomb explodes and Conker gets blasted away.
The Red Squirrel then tries to get up, Duke comes out of the smokes and walks towards Conker, The Red Squirrel manages to get up and takes out his Katana.
Duke Nukem: Okay, how the heck are you getting these weapons outta nowhere?
Conker: Context Sensitive, Buddy.
Conker then starts to give Duke a series of slashes, bleeding Duke out. Duke escapes with his Jetpack and fires his Shrinker at Conker, shrinking him.
Conker tries to run away, but he attacked back by firing Rocket Launcher which Duke also fired with his RPG, making a giant explosion which destroyed most of the street.
Both Conker and Duke survived the explosion, each other having bad wounds, Conker then grows back to normal, he rushes towards Duke Nukem and then he pulls out Two Bricks from his Pocket and slammed them to Duke's head and then he pulls out a Frying Pan and hit him twice and he finishes off with a Club, knocking Duke Nukem away.
Duke now looks very bloody, Conker approaches to Duke and says.
Conker: Any last words?
Duke didn't respond, he pulls out his Laser Tripbomb and point at Conker, he starts to shoot series of Lasers at Red Squirrel, but he managed to dodge them and run away, he then hides behind a Broken Building.
Duke Nukem: Come out of your hiding place you Little Rodent.
Suddenly, a Yellow Mech-Suit jumps out of the Broken Building and it's piloted by none other than Conker.
Conker: Time's Up, Biatch!
Duke: Now it's time for Duke to kick some Serious Ass!
Conker tried to punch The Duke but he backflipped and pulls out his Ripper Cannon, then he starts to shoot at Conker but he blocked the shots with Mech Suit's Arms, Conker boosts towards Duke with The Jetpacks in it's back, he punches Duke and knocking him down, Conker gets to grab Duke's legs and he starts to Spin him Right Round, Baby!
And then he tosses Duke away and collapsing into a Building, Conker boosts towards Duke, he was Bloodier than before and he tries to get up, but Conker picks him up with Mechanical Claw.
Conker: Say goodbye, Punk!
Conker throws Duke on the Ground and he raises up his foot and then he proceeds to Crush him like a Bug, but Duke pulls out the Freezethrower and froze the Mechanical Leg before it could crush him.
Conker: What?
Duke then slowly gets up and pulls out the Devastator.
Duke: Hastalavista, Baby.
Duke shoots bunch of Destructive Missiles at Conker's Giant Mechanical Suit, it gets blown into pieces and Conker gets blown out of the Mech Suit and falls on the ground, Duke pulls out The Freezethrower and froze Conker, The Duke then crushes Conker into pieces with his Mighty Boot.
KO
Results[]
Boomstick: Looks like they have to glue him back togheter.
Tonygameman: While Conker's Context Sensetive might have gave him the advanage, Duke's Weapons, Speed and Durability surpass Conker's.
'Raiando: Conker's Most of weaponries come out of Context Sensetive, and he needs a nearby B-Pad to pull off a Weapon that he needs, while Duke can pull out his Weapons any time.'
Wiz: While Conker can survive a point blank explosion while inside a Tank, Duke urvived Devastator Missiles in the Chest.
Boomstick: About Speed, Conker can outrun a Shark and bunch of bees, but that's nothing compared to outrunning a Missile.
Tonygameman: Both Conker and Duke Nukem fought similar foes like Nazis and Aliens, but Conker fought only one Alien and he used Developer's help to finish it off.
Boomstick: Looks like Conker just couldn't Duke it out.
Wiz: The Winner is Duke Nukem
Next Time on Death Battle
We see a Yellow Cap with a letter W on it, the camera slowly zooms on it as we hear a laugh.
Wario: Wa-Ha Ha.
The scene cuts to Wario Shoulder Bashing multiple baddies, then we see him riding a bike and finally the scene cuts to Wario pile-driving the Black Jewel.
Then the scene cuts to black as we see a Green Blur running accros the screen then he stops at the center.
Scourge: Hail to the King.
We see numerous images of Scourge racing against Sonic, then cuts to The S Factor romhack gameplay of Scourge spindashing through multiple enemies and finally transforming into Super Scourge.
Season 1 Finale: WARIO VS SCOURGE!
Trivia[]
- The Connection between Conker and Duke Nukem is that both are foul mouthed, fourth-wall breaking characters that use all sorts of firearms.
- This is the third time Raiando is a host, first being Luigi VS Sage Harpuia and second being Crash Bandicoot vs. Abe.
- This is the second time Tonygameman is a host, first being Crash Bandicoot vs. Abe.
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