Coach Buzzcut vs PC Principal is a What-If Death Battle featuring Coach Buzzcut from Beavis and Butt-Head and PC Principal from South Park
Description[]
Beavis and Butt-Head vs South Park! Which aggressive school authoritarian will win?
Intro[]
(Cue https://youtu.be/92H3Mscg7QQ)
Wiz: A teacher is a job where it is required to be calm and poilte.
Boomstick: But sometimes. Teachers can be aggressive, mean and a total pain the ass!
Wiz: Coach Buzzcut, The gym teacher at Highland High!
Boomstick: And PC Principal, The principal of South Park Elementary. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Coach Buzzcut tells DEATH BATTLE that they will be talking about the penis![]
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH6VPXj08vY)
Wiz: Hailing from Highland, Bradley Buzzcut is the physical education teacher at Highland High. He is a strict and serious teacher who hates fooling around and is intolerant of Beavis and Butt-Head’s antics.
Boomstick: He is a very, and we mean very patriotic former Marine and Vietnam War veteran. He is notorious for his short temper, frequent angry outbursts, and general disdain for his students, most of whom he regards as weak.
Wiz: With the exception of Principal McVicker, Buzzcut hates the titular duo more than any other character. He regularly makes life hard for Beavis and Butt-Head and questions their manhood.
Boomstick: In spite of not having many of them, Buzzcut has some impressive feats under his belt. For one thing, he regularly harms Beavis and Butt-Head. Both have many durability feats which would be too long to list, but we'll list some of the most notable ones. They have survived getting hit by all sorts of vehicles, falling from a speeding car, consistently getting caught in explosions, getting crushed by a cow, crashing into walls and many others.
Wiz: In the episode “Our Founding Losers” he beat the two up with such force that the classroom that they were in was shaking and it knocked over the American Flag in the room.
Boomstick: He also beat the shit out of Mr. Manners. But that's not really saying much given that even someone like a typical Discord mod could beat Manners up.
Wiz: For speed...there's not much. Although he should scale above Beavis and Butt-Head who can easily outrun trained guards and ran out of a large school building in a matter of seconds.
Boomstick: When it comes to durability, Buzzcut has no-sold a kick to the BALLS by Butt-Head, If you're a male, you should know how much that hurts.
Wiz: He has also withstood a full speed car crash against a semi-truck alongside Beavis and Butt-Head with no major injuries.
Boomstick: As for skill, it is stated several times during the show that Buzzcut is a former Marine and Vietnam War veteran and as such should have military training in both armed and unarmed combat.
Wiz: But despite his feats, Buzzcut has his flaws.
Boomstick: As stated before, Buzzcut has an extremely short temper and is prone to angry outbursts, he is also incredibly egotistical, Still, this is one tough son of a bitch you wouldn't want to pick a fight with.
Buzzcut: Now, listen up people. I am not an unreasonable man, but I say that there's nothing wrong with you little monsters that can't be cured by a quick return to the days of CORPOREAL PUNISHMENT!
PC Principal brings a more politically correct agenda to DEATH BATTLE![]
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w9-_g0QcUM&t)
Wiz: PC Principal is the current principal at South Park Elementary. He replaced Principal Victoria after she was allegedly fired. PC Principal is, as the name suggests, dedicated to political correctness and social justice causes. He is a maniacal idealist who passionately supports equal rights for all. He is highly dedicated to his beliefs and will stop at nothing to enforce them upon others, although he can become very sensitive to the needs of those he feels are oppressed.
Boomstick: He was originally going to be a one-time character and was intended to be killed off at the end of the episode, but the creators liked him so much that they decided to keep him around.
Wiz: He describes himself as the "language police", bullying people he deems are inappropriate and harassing, while hypocritically he himself is violent and harasses people.
Boomstick: PC Principal has plenty of notable feats to his name, In one episode, he defeated a room full of sentient ads single handedly. And was able to snap another one’s neck.
Wiz: In the same scene, he slammed one of the ads through a chair hard enough to break it and destroyed their skull with a stomp to the head.
Boomstick: He also stomped Leslie Meyers without breaking a sweat and easily punched straight through her head.
Wiz: In one episode, he slammed Eric Cartman into a bathroom wall hard enough to dent the thing and proceeded to also slam him through the sink.
Boomstick: I mean, he got what he deserved for sure.
Wiz: For reference, Cartman is durable enough to survive getting run over by a bus and a lighting strike, however, he did have some minor to severe injuries from these incidents and had to be hospitalized afterwards.
Boomstick: He should also upscale from Shelly Marsh who hit Cartman so hard that it broke drywall and defeated Evil Clone Stan who effortlessly overpowered several citizens.
Wiz: In spite of all that, PC Principal does have weaknesses, however.
Boomstick: He is prone to aggressive, profane outbursts over minor transgressions, such as a student talking during an assembly. It is also difficult for him to fight something that has political nuance in it. Still, say a microaggression in front of this guy and you are gonna get your shit rocked.
PC Principal: Hey Leslie! Your species took PC and twisted it for evil purposes. That pisses me off!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once in and for all!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!
If you have any roots/bets, place them here.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Destination: Highland High School
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoaqyL2-qvM)
It is a rather intense day at Highland High. Here, we see Coach Buzzcut yelling at two students by the names of Beavis and Butt-Head. They were in the detention room and Buzzcut was clearly pissed! Those boys have probably taken it a little too far this time.
Buzzcut: YOU TWO ARE BOTH SHAMELESS BAGS OF ATROPHY! CAN YOU TWO DO ANYTHING RIGHT? YOU LITTLE SISSIES!
Suddenly.. out of nowhere
???: Microaggression, brah!
Buzzcut: WHAT WAS THAT?
The unknown person would then proceed to kick down the Detention room door off its hinges, the person would reveal himself to be none other than PC Principal. He would turn towards the Coach.
PC Principal: You just called someone a sissy! Which implies that women are less capable than men when it comes to strength! I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR LEGS!
Buzzcut would turn all red.
Buzzcut: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MICROAGGRESSION STUFF IS ABOUT BUT YOU JUST MADE A FATAL MISTAKE! I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT!
FIGHT![]
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwFLb3C64xw)
The Principal would charge Buzzcut with an uppercut to the chin, knocking him down to the ground and stomping his gut. But before PC Principal was able to land another punch to his face, Buzzcut caught his fist and would shove him down onto the ground. Buzzcut got back up from his feet and would pick up PC Principal and throw him onto a table! Buzzcut would walk away from Peter Charles, thinking he was already defeated. But PC Principal would get right back up and irsh whip Buzzcut outside the detention room and onto one of the school lockers.
PC Principal: PC, bro!
Buzzcut would grab the Principal by the head and bash his head into the water fountain. PC Principal would then get into a grappling match with Buzzcut for a bit before overpowering him and tossing him into the school bathroom. Buzzcut would deliver a kick to PC Principal’s head before PC Principal could get a punch in. Buzzcut would get back right up and would deliver a couple of kicks to PC Principal’s head before tackling down onto the ground and punching him in the head multiple times. Buzzcut would get the Principal into an arm bar, the Principal would yelp in pain. PC Principal would punch Buzzcut in the head hard enough that he needed to let go and that he was bleeding from his forehead. The two would both get back up from the dirty, bathroom ground. Buzzcut would then notice he was bleeding.
Buzzcut: I’m gonna kill you! Physically kill you!
Buzzcut would then get the Principal into a headlock and would then carry him out the bathroom and into the outdoors. Buzzcut would throw a few hooks before the Principal responded by delivering a spinning sole kick, dizzying him. PC Principal would decide this was a good time to pull out his pistol.
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVP_ZLxDP9k)
Buzzcut would sweat at the sight of the pistol, he had seen his fellow soldiers fall during battle due to guns. PC Principal would ask a riddle.
PC Principal: An African-American flips a turtle over on its back. A transgender Filipino comes and sees the helpless turtle baking in the sun. What color is the Filipino's fathe-
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF7kvVkAHEI)
Before PC Principal was able to finish the riddle, Buzzcut grabbed PC Principal by the wrist, twisting his gun down where he had the trigger and disarming him. Buzzcut would then knee him in the chest and toss down onto the ground. Buzzcut picked him back up and would kick the Principal so hard that he was sent flying towards the school doors, shattering them. Buzzcut would then pick the Principal back up and whip him onto the flagpole hard enough to knock it down. Buzzcut noticed the gun lying on the ground and would proceed to pick it up. PC Principal saw Buzzcut pick up his gun and tried to kick him in the groin. But Buzzcut took it in like a man. Buzzcut would then kick the Principal down onto the ground. Buzzcut would then fire the gun, shooting PC Principal in the head four times, killing him.
K.O!
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3ZOZoQ3b5E)
Buzzcut stared down at PC Principal’s corpse, thinking to himself “Did this man really deserve to die?”, but then he thought to himself that PC Principal technically started all this. Buzzcut would then saluted PC Principal and would then walk away. Afterwards, Buzzcut would tell the details of the battle to his class the next day.
Meanwhile, Strong Woman deeply mourned the loss of her husband. She may not have witnessed the battle but when he didn't come home after a couple of weeks, She just knew something bad happened to him.
Results[]
(Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37VyS5sAzrs)
Boomstick: Jesus Harold Christ! We should really replay that.
Wiz: That was brutal, wasn't it, Boomstick?
Boomstick: It sure was, anyways lets go over the results, shall we?
Wiz: At first glance, this fight looks to be super close but when you do your research, this fight is actually a bit more one-sided than you think.
Boomstick: To start off with, PC Principal’s best feat is crushing skulls. That simply pales in comparison to Buzzcut’s best feat of shaking an entire classroom with brute force alone.
Wiz: Not to mention, beating up Beavis and Butt-Head is a lot more impressive then beating up Eric Cartman. While Cartman’s best durability feats are getting run over by a bus and surviving a lighting strike, he was severely injured afterwards.
Boomstick: That is some pussy shit compared to Beavis and Butt-Head’s feats of shrugging off explosions, getting caught in a violent tornado and survived getting crushed by numerous telephone booths afterwards, getting crushed by a cow, getting attacks by a bulldog with rabies and surviving getting hit by cars.
Wiz: And don't even get us started on skill, while we are not denying PC Principal isn't more skilled than the average man, he doesn't seem to have actual combat training. Meanwhile, Buzzcut is trained in the military, thus making him more skilled by miles.
Boomstick: Looks like PC Principal got the PC beaten out of him!
Wiz: What the hell was that pun?
Boomstick:.... I don't know.
Wiz: Anyways, the winner is Coach Buzzcut!
Coach Buzzcut (Winner)
- Stronger (+)
- Likely more durable (+)
- FAR more skilled and experienced(+)
- Less mobile (-)
PC Principal (Loser)
- Faster and more mobile (+)
- Weaker (-)
- Likely less durable (-)
- FAR less skilled and experienced by a long shot(-)
Post-Fight Poll[]
Do you agree or disagree with the results? Or are you neutral? Cast your opinion here.
Next Time on DEATH BATTLE![]
"If I can handle hand to paw combat with a polar bear, I can handle a bald emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume."
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Let's go! Let's go!"
Izzy vs Aran Ryan