Description[]
Scholastic vs Universal! Two 25-foot animals are about to duke it out! Shaggylettuce's season 1 episode 12. Also the belated April Fool's episode (had to finish Doom vs Esdeath)
Last: Doctor Doom vs Esdeath
Next: Deadpool vs Captain Boomerang
Introduction[]
Wiz: Boomstick, are we really doing this?
Boomstick: Damn right we are! King Kong, the giant primate from Universal!
Wiz: (sigh) and Clifford the Big Red Dog... the Big Red Dog.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle! But first, a quick side note- these two characters have had very inconsistent sizes throughout the years. Clifford has been 25 feet tall in the majority of his appearances, which was Kong's size in his first appearance. We'll also use the comics for Kong.
King Kong[]
Wiz: Skull Island. A hard-to-find island in Indonesia, its beautiful landscape will reward you for being one of the few that can discover it.
Boomstick: But the dinosaurs won't!
Wiz: That's correct, dinosaurs roam Skull Island, but so do other creatures.
Boomstick: And none are more powerful than King Kong.
Wiz: Kong was feared among the Skull Island natives and the other dinosaurs. Standing at 25 feet tall, Kong is a giant gorilla. In his first appearance, he fought off a T-Rex bigger than him and killed it by breaking its jaws open. He also lifted the T-Rex over his head, threw it against a tree. An average T-Rex weighs 15,500 pounds so Kong would have to be lifting that casually.
Boomstick: Kong also boasts an impressive punch. An average Gorilla punches with about about 1300 pounds per square inch and Kong is 8 times the size of that so he'd have to exert 10400 pounds per square inch!
Wiz: Kong is surprisingly smart too, he uses multiple objects like trees and boulders as makeshift weapons. He also resisted a T-Rex's bite, a force of over 40,000 pounds per square inch.
Boomstick: He defeated a Pteranodon, a giant snake and shoved a tree down a T-Rex's throat. He also did this with Godzilla but we won't be including that cuz.. Godzilla.
Wiz: But there's one thing Kong can't resist- the charms of a woman.
Boomstick: Yep, Kong captured and fell in love with a girl named Ann Darrow.
Wiz: Kong was eventually knocked out by gas bombs and carried off to New York. There he was wrapped in steel chains and proudly displayed in front of hundreds, maybe thousands.
Boomstick: And Kong snapped the chains like twigs and went on a rampage.
Wiz: He threw cars and people like ragdolls before the rampage culminated on the top of the Empire State Building.
Boomstick: The big ape took multiple rounds to the body from fighter jets before finally taking the fall that killed him.
Wiz: However, it's very likely that Kong survived the initial tumble. It was likely the collision with the asphalt that ended the giant ape's life.
Boomstick: Aw, poor guy. Anyway, if you cross Kong, you'll probably die.
Kong leaps at Godzilla and hits him with his axe.
Clifford[]
Wiz: Born as the runt of a litter of Vizsla puppies, nobody expected the curiously colored Clifford to be very big. When he was adopted by the Howard family-
Boomstick: THEY LOVED HIM SO MUCH THAT HE GREW TWENTY FIVE FEET TALL! WHAT THE HELL?!
Wiz: Yes, Boomstick. I know, I know. It's impossible. With Clifford's newfound size he's surprisingly powerful for a kids book character.
Boomstick: With his giant size, his lungs grew to amazing levels and he can inhale and blow out strong winds that have enough strength to put out large fires. This can be used in battle to blow back or briefly stun an opponent.
Wiz: Once, when Clifford had to sleep outside due to his size, he dwarfed the two-story house. Not only that, while leaning up against it, he nearly tipped the house over!
Boomstick: But he's also pretty fast too!
Wiz: A vizsla dog is about 24 inches at the shoulder and weighs (according to Google) about 44 lbs. Clifford, at 25 feet, is 12.5x taller, and thus we can assume he is 12.5x larger in all other dimensions as well, meaning his mass comparatively should be 44 lbs * 12.5^3 = 85937.5 lbs, or a little short of 39 metric tons at 38980.59 kg. Top speed for such a dog is, as you say, 40 mph. His legs would be about 12.5 larger, since the body of Clifford is essentially just scaled up to that size, so we'll assume a straight 1:1 comparison and say Clifford should be about 12.5x faster than a dog the size of a Vizsla. 500 mph, or 223.52 m/s (which is Subsonic+ for the record, little faster than certain bullets). KE = 0.5m * v^2 = 9.738e8 Joules! That is absolutely insane for a kids character. Boomstick, would you like to give us a sense of the scope?
Boomstick: And Clifford should be able to survive his own strikes which are easily small building level, possibly even large building level, as he nearly tipped the house over while leaning on it in his sleep. Although he has no combat experience and will rarely fight.
Wiz: Clifford is one powerful dog.
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Death Battle[]
Emily and Clifford walked through the busy streets of New York. It was always busy, but the atmosphere felt off. Almost as if.. they were running away? From what?
These thoughts were cut short as an audible SMASH was heard from a few blocks away. Clifford smelt another giant animal and immediately bounded toward the source, Emily sprinting after him.
A couple blocks away, King Kong was looking for Ann. He let loose a roar, followed by pounding his fists on his chest. Then, he heard a loud bark. Kong had had dogs bark at him before, but this was a loud dog. He turned his head and saw something that rocked him to his core.
That dog was his size. And it was red. This would be a challenge, but Kong had to assert his dominance. He pit his bottom lip, throwing his arms out to the side and roaring at the big red dog. Clifford wrinkled his snout and let out deafening yaps at the king of Skull Island. The two kaiju threw themselves at each other.
FIGHT!
(Cue- Lose Yourself by Eminem)
Kong struck a mighty blow on Clifford's jaw, staggering him for a brief moment. In response to this, the crimson canine shook his head and raked the ape's face multiple times, creating bloody cuts on his face.
Dark red blood seeped from the top of Kong's head and stuck to his eyebrow. Clifford pounced at him, pinning him and sinking his canines into his fore arm, then tugging on it, attempting to tear it off.
Clifford did come close, dislocating the arm, but Kong reeled back a fist and planted it a few inches from Clifford's eye. Kong then smashed his working shoulder into Clifford, sending him crashing through a building, debris crashing atop him. He slowly got out to be met with a chunk of rubble slamming on to his head.
Clifford howled in pain before going straight for Kong's jugular, but the King of the Apes grabbed him by the bottom jaw and threw him across the street, before smashing his dislocated arm against the building, eventually snapping it back into place. Clifford scampered back to his feet. and sprinted at Kong, slamming into his chest and toppling him, Kong's fall squashing a few cars. Kong slowly got up and got into a stance.
(Cue- Ryu's Theme- Smash Ultimate)
Kong ran at Clifford and wrapped his arms around his back and performed a judo throw onto the floor. He crept over to the Big Red Dog, and got a kick to the lower jaw and then blowing a huge wind in his face, stunning him briefly. Kong, caught by surprise, left himself open for claw to the chest and a bite on the air. He roared before backhanding Clifford, sending blood across the street.
Kong ran to the side, onto a building then jumped off it, flooring Clifford. He then mounted Clifford and slammed his fists on his chest. Clifford raked his claws down Kong's face, stunning him briefly. He then went straight for Kong's neck and bit into it. Kong roared in pain, before abruptly stopping. Clifford drew his head back before being boxed on the nose by Kong, who got up and raised his arms, before delivering boxer-like punches to the face and chest of Clifford.
He then lifted Clifford overhead and threw him a few feet back. Kong viewed the Empire State Building while Clifford tried to get up, and began the climb. Shortly after, his canine adversary stormed into the building and chased him up it, eventually reaching the same floor. Clifford bit down onto Kong's fingers, who roared before falling off. Luckily Kong was only on the fifth floor, and he survived. Clifford jumped through the wall then landed on Kong and bit into his neck, killing him instantly.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: I-I-I-I-
Wiz: As ridiculous as it may sound, Clifford winning isn't that far-fetched. To start, he was faster and could dodge Kong's attacks, being faster than most bullets. Secondly, Clifford's air attacks could put out fire, and 2017 Kong, much bigger than the one we're using, was hurt by fire so there was no reason to assume Kong wouldn't be hurt by the wind.
Boomstick: Clifford also has a much higher bite force and could effortlessly rip a T-Rex to shreds while it took Kong some time to beat one.
Wiz: And Clifford has used his ears to swim and they appeared like blurs so even his ears are faster than Kong.
Boomstick: This fight looked to be NECK and NECK, but Clifford eventually pulled out the win.
Wiz: The winner is Clifford.
Next Time[]
Wiz: If you sing an Eminem song, I'll kill you.
???: But it felt so empty without me! OOH, he has a unicorn too?
