| Cleetus VS Jack Baker | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Season | 3 |
| Season Episode | 3 |
| Air date | 6-22-2021 |
| Written by | Cider621 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Kid Gohan VS Riolu |
Next Little Grin VS Casper |
Description[]
Cleetus isn't a Roblox character
Southern crazy people
Interlude[]
Boomstick: Ahh the South, Shot guns and Bud Light, just like home
Wiz: The South is usually stereotyped to have crazy people in it...the jury is still out on that
And these two take home the cake of crazy southern farmers
Cleetus Sr. the insane Hillbilly
And Jack Baker, the mold man
He's Wiz and l'm Boomstick
And it's our duty to analyze their armor weapons and skills to find out who would win a Deathbattle
Cleetus[]
Cleetus lived with his mother in a barn in the south.
Until his mother became annoyed with him, so she decided it was time for young Cleetus to become more independent
And instead of making him get a job or teaching him to drive she sent him to a deserted island where he almost killed someone on accident
He slowly started going insane and his hair started falling out until he finally moved, he banged up a woman and out came his son Cleetus Jr.
Unfortunately while hunting for pidgeons he mistook his son for one and shot him three times with a shot gun
Bummer...just like my 3rd step-dads real kid
After being sent to a mental institution he met his future wife Olga and they lived happily
Oh that's nice
So what can this old hillbilly man do? Well first off he may not look it, but he's not just casually overweight he's over 9,000 lbs
OVER 9000!!!!
That's over 4.5 tons
He can run up to 55.5 mph
He's can swing his Banjo so hard it bursts through walls and instantly kills anyone he hits with it
That means he can swing his banjo with 8,850.7 pounds of force
He has an infinite supply of bear traps
He carries a beautiful .50 caliber rifle which can fire up to 2,000 yards away and pierce armor
He can throw people up to 20 feet in the air and swallow them whole
That's nothing, using these buildings to measure, he can jump a clear 75 feet into the air while holding a tractor!
The average tractor weighs about 15,628 lbs or 7.8 tons, and Cleetus can casually hold one
As well as survive an impact of over 884,267.7 pounds of force from falling from 150 feet in the air after he was thrown by someone who tried to fight back against him
Or if we calculate the force of the tractor explosion which is equal to 1.5 tons of TNT
He can create 10 copies of himself which will kill anyone close enough to them
Though they only last for 10 seconds
There's also his final attack, The Myth
It's a dark energy that resides within Cleetus, when it awakens it will form a dark ball spawning hands that will grab everyone within a small town, consume their souls and discard the bodies in an unknown location
Man...I wouldn't wanna mess with this guy
Nobody should mess with Cleetus
| “ | Hyuck hyuck! It's ya' boy- it's ya' boy Cleetus here and i'm gonna show you uncivilized city folk how to catch some pigeons! | „ |
Jack Baker[]
Oh boy here we go
Jack Baker was once a normal man until, the Biohazard, mold showed up
He was the 2nd one of his family afflicted by it, he went insane with how powerful it made him feel, and he wanted more people
He hunts a man named Ethan Winters down a man whom he killed and brought back with the mold
Damn mold
The mold makes people much stronger than normal people
He can casually walk through walls and tears cars apart
He can walk fast enough to keep up with a grown man running at full speed, the average man runs at 8 mph, meaning that we can assume Jack can run at around 16 mph that's around as fast as some Olympic runners
He can lift up to 545.2 pounds
He can knock Ethan Winter's out in one hit
And he can tank point blank explosions as well as being hit by cars
He can throw a grown man up 13 feet with one hand
Though he can regenerate from being flat out killed, enough damage can mutate him into this ugly creature
In this form he is huge and can attack faster than a bullet can move, the fastest bullet in a vacuum reaches speed up to Mach 4.1
Though when he is hit by said bullets they hurt, bad, though they can't put him down
At his size he can lift up to 1.1 tons
If he's killed in this state his body will rot and mutate into the swamp man
He's the size of Base Jack but still has the capabilities of his mutated form and even better
In this form he took being hit with 1,650,000 pounds of force repeatedly for awhile before finally succumbing to the punches
And was able to hit around that hard too as he was trading blows with the man that was punching him
So Jack Baker is the man of family you don't wanna be apart of
Even afflicted with the Mold however, his soul was still good and after his death he apologized for things he and his family had done and begged for the rest to be set free
| “ | Welcome to the family, son | „ |
Pre-Battle[]
Alright, with the combatants all set and the data run through all possibilities, let's end this debate once and for all
It's time for a Death battle!
Battle[]
Cleetus: Bouncing up and down
Jack: Walks over What the hell?
Cleetus: Something ‘bout a truck! In the farmin’ field!
Jack: What? Is suddenly whacked by a banjo OH! If that’s how it is! Then that almost hurt! He jumps out of the way grabbing a shovel and whacking him back
The shovel and banjo clash
Jack: You ain’t nothing fatty! Ain’t NOTHIN’ Grabs him by the throat and forces him onto the front porch
Cleetus: I’m not fat! He jumps up high summoning a tractor
Jack: What the hell?
Cleetus: Crashes down and the tractor blows up
Jack: Narrowly jumped away getting sent back by the explosion
Cleetus: Runs up and grabs him throwing him up
Jack: You ain’t eatin’ me today big boy!! Flips around with his shoves to hit Cleetus in the face hard enough to flip him around and behind before laying several big hits on him before kicking him in the butt to launch him
Cleetus: Is too fat HYUCK HYUCK Spins around and knocks him into the house with the banjo before pulling out his gun and firing
Jack: Gets hit with the bullet and knocked out
Cleetus: Starts playing the banjo to taunt
Jack Rapidly mutates into a monster You’ll be part of the family soon enough!
Cleetus: Fires the gun again
Cleetus: Moves out of the way and crawls at him knocking him throw several trees, grabbing a nearby car Go for a drive! Throws it
Cleetus: Gets up before the car hits him GUH! He lifts the car off him and 10 Cleetus’ appear
Jack: Starts hitting the Cleetus’ away as they keep getting up and running at him
Cleetus: Taking his time to aim for the clear weak spot
Jack: After the Cleetus’ disappear Now where’s the real on-
Cleetus: Fires
Jack: GAH! You got lucky!! Approaches him
Cleetus: Laid a bear trap
Jack: Oh shit He rips it off
Cleetus: Fires, at the other weak spot
Jack: ENOUGH! He smashes Cleetus into the ground several times
Cleetus: Catches his...fist? Pulls out the Banjo and whack it off and does a front flip and smashes the 3rd weak spot in
Jack: GRAAAH Falls to the ground starting to mutate once again
Cleetus: Oh got dang, what now
Jack: As a swamp man now and starts punching into Cleetus over and over
Cleetus: Visibly pained and trying to regain the upper-hand but Jack is punching to fast
Jack: Starting to rip through his overalls by just punching
Cleetus: Falls over
Jack: Standing atop him and punching more
Cleetus: His face is bloodied up by now before misting up and his eyes go black
The Myth Appears and grabs Jack pulling him in
Jack: Grabs onto a tree and holds on tight
The tree is ripped from its roots and Jack is pulled in as the world returns to normal
Cleetus:...I won HYUCK HYUCK
It zooms out to show Albert playing Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
Albert: Haha, Later Idiot, noob
Analysis[]
I wasn’t expecting that
Cleetus and Jack are incredibly similar stat wise, with relatively small differences, but when compared a clear trend arises
Cleetus takes them all!
He’s 3.5 times faster
Jack can throw a man up 13 feet whale Cleetus can throw one up 25 feet
Even at Jack’s best Cleetus can still lift 7 times more than him
And an astonishingly better durability
Jack at his best is still 3,000 times less durable than Cleetus
And even then Cleetus can just instantly kill him with the Myth without a physical fight
Cleetus is just, faster, stronger and, more durable
Looks like Jack just joined the losing family
The Winner is Cleetus
Battle Track[]
The battle track is called "FlimFlammin HillBilly showdown"
I just thought it was funny
Next Time[]
Next time on Deathbattle
