Claptrap Vs GIR is a What-If episode of Death Battle created by TherealHyperA as the 4th episode of his first season.
Description[]
Borderlands Vs Invader Zim! These two stupid, defective robots may be annoying to some and completely useless to their “friends”, they actually pack quite the punch!
Introduction[]
The DB office is quiet and mostly empty, but this episodes hosts appear out of a portal in the roof. This was Antasma and Nightmare, the combatants in the last episode.
Antasma: Vis is the right place correct?
Nightmare: I believe so. Let us start.
Antasma: In fiction, robots are usually incredibly powerful and intelligent vith the ability to perfectly carry out orders.
Nightmare: But these guys… well they’ve got the powerful part down! Claptrap, the abused and annoying Jack Black robot of Borderlands!
Antasma: And GIR, the Pinky to Zims Brain! He’s Nightmare and I’m Antasma!
Nightmare: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle!
Claptrap[]
Antasma: The planet of Pandora may be a harsh and dangerous environment, but it’s also home to one of gamings greatest macguffins, the Vault, home of endless treasures!
Nightmare: But we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves. First, we must talk about an evil corporate company because this place couldn’t get any worse. Hyperion is a morally questionable weapons company with an even more morally questionable former worker.
Antasma: Handsome Jack had attempted on many occasions to rise to CEO of the powerful company through trickery and violence. But once he finally made it, he declared himself dictator of Pandora!
Nightmare: Which brings us back to the Vault, and it’s Vault Hunters. But there was one Vault Hunter who was quite unusual, a robot known simply as Claptrap.
Antasma: After accidentally destroying a tournament area and setting a church on fire, Claptrap quickly proved himself as supposedly the most vorthless of his product line.
Nightmare: Speaking of his product line, long story short, he had to watch them all get destroyed by Jack right in front of his eyes. I guess that does make him a special breed of idiot.
Antasma: Luckily, this dubstep loving robot has plenty of tools to assist the Vault Hunters and get revenge on Jack. Vile not much of a fighter on his own, Claptrap has a special combat AI RVB style called VaultHunter.EXE.
Nightmare: VaultHunter.EXE allows him to access special combat skills and abilities beyond just using guns. For example, the Clap in the Box is a large bomb, the laser inferno creates a disco ball that fires lasers in all directions, and the Funzerker allows him to dual wield.
VaultHunter.EXE
Torgue Fiesta: Rapidly fires grenades.
Funzerker: Dual wielding.
Laser Inferno: PARTY LASERS!
Shhhhhh…trap: Briefly becomes invisible for stealth attacks.
One Shot Wonder: Unloads his entire clip in one shot.
Rubber Ducky: Equips a rubber ducky that can deflect bullets and let’s him float. Like rubber duckies are known to do.
Miniontrap: Creates a miniature Claptrap that fires a rocket turret.
Pirate Ship: Does what he wants cause a pirate is free, which includes firing cannonballs.
Regeneration: Pretty self explanatory.
Antasma: Vith all of this, he has to be pretty impressive to be able to defeat the town level monsters on a daily basis. Pretty impressive considering he looks like the “Oh My God” robot.
Nightmare: That’s right Antasma! But as everyone on his team points out, he’s definitely got weaknesses. First of all, he’s not the brightest though not stupid, and he’s quite hyper active and fun loving.
Antasma: But this is nothing compared to his most horrible weakness…stairs. He…he just can’t wheel up stairs it’s pretty simple.
Nightmare: But even through this hardship, he’s managed to be a great fighter despite his annoying tendencies.
Ending quote
Claptrap: Sanctuaries gone? But the bank! All my stuff! All my crucial information! YES! IM OFF THE GRID, BABY! NO MORE CREDITORS! Seriously, I owe a lot of people a lot of money.
GIR[]
Antasma: In a galaxy far far away, the alien race known as the Irken. These powerful creatures made it their sole mission to conquer as many planets as possible.
Nightmare: But every group has a weak link. Zim was a short Irken and was incredibly incompetent and enthusiastic, so it was natural that they wanted to get rid of him after his failed mission.
Antasma: So they tricked him into thinking he was going on a mission to a far away and very “important” planet: Earth!
Nightmare: But in order to make the illusion even stronger, they gave him a robot companion. While the normal alien gets an advanced and intelligent “SIR” unit, Zim got the exclusive version. A GIR unit!
Antasma: What’s the difference?
Nightmare: Well GIRs brain is literally made of trash in the Tallest’s pockets.
Zim: Is it supposed to be stupid?
Purple Tallest: It’s not stupid. It’s advanced!
GIR
Likes: Most greasy Earth foods, cartoons, being “helpful”
Can inexplicably eat for some reason
His ai once took over Zims decoy house
Didnt tire from singing for 6 months
Has more merchandise than you can stick a shake at
His head has a thermos function that can carry bees and food
Antasma: Well I suppose that explains it. Once they arrived to Earth after an excruciating , he got a full proof disguise and they started to get down to business. Well if business to you is constantly failing.
Nightmare: Well he’s not completely useless. Due to being a SIR unit technically, he has some powerful weaponry. This includes rocket launchers, laser eyes, jet boosters on his feet, and other weaponry.
Antasma: Hell the destructive power should be enough to level a building and he even flew across a town in seconds! To bad he’s basically the worst person to be given this power, constantly breaking things. It’s like giving your cat a self destruct button, sooner or later something’s blowing up wether they meant it or not!
Nightmare: But what if there was a way to bring GIR back to his original, actually competent programming? Well wonder no longer because Zim found a way. With the press of a button he can turn into Red Mode GIR, which is just GIR, but useful.
Antasma: Yes this form does require outside help, but we will still include it for fairness sake.
Nightmare: But even with all his power, there’s a reason why he’s considered useless by Zim. For one, he’s got the largest case of ADHD in television history and two, he’s just plain stupid. Like the time he tried to make bath soap out of grease and bacon.
Antasma: But even still, Hot Topic loves this iconic little robot for a reason and is the true heart of Zims adventure.
Ending quotes
Zim: GIR come to the observatory!
GIR: Yessss?
Zim: What have you done to the telescope?
GIR: Nothing.
Zim: Nothing? You haven’t touched it? Something’s broken and it’s not your fault?!
GIR: I know I’m scared too!
Intermission[]
Antasma: Alright the combatants are set, we’ve analyzed the data through all possibilities.
Nightmare: It’s time for a robo DEATH BATTLE!
Fight[]
The planet of Pandora is a dangerous place. There are bandits, arsonists, and whatever the skag are that inhabit the wasteland. But something was different. A purple spaceship was flying above through the sky!
Zim: GIR! This mission is very important! We are after a powerful treasure known as the vault! You are to stay right here and do nothing! Do you understand!
GIR: Yes.
Zim: Are you paying attention?
GIR: Yes.
Zim: What planet are we on?
GIR: Yes.
Zim: All you need to do is blow stuff up when we get there. Idiot!
The Irken simply facepalmed and turned to the spaceship controls. GIRs attention was quickly brought to a comedically large red button beside him that said “Do not touch! That means you GIR!” The robot was upset by this information, and lightly placed his arm hand thing over the word not. The button now read “Do touch! That means you GIR”.
GIR: YAY!
He slammed his fist down on the button, which caused a trapdoor to open under him sending him plummeting down towards a Vault Hunter base below them.
Zim: GIR! What are you doing!?!?! (He walks up to the trapdoor and looks down to where he fell) Eh he’ll be fine.
As GIR plummeted down to the desert below, the only thought in his mind and noise from his mouth was “WHEEEEEEE”! He finally landed and looked around the Vault Hunter base he landed in.
Meanwhile, Claptrap was wheeling around the base by himself. But he had a mission today. It was a Vault Hunters birthday today, and he promised to bring food. So as he wheeled, he was carrying a massive stack of pizza about 10 feet tall in his hands, blocking his vision. He was playing dubstep and humming along. GIR spotted the wisecracking robot. He was about to wave hello, but Zims voice played in his head.
Zim voice player: Blow stuff up when you get there.
Now remembering his mission, his arm transformed into a rocket launcher and fired at the Hyperion unit. The blast surprised Claptrap, causing him to slip and throw the pizzas upwards. What comes up must come down however, as the sea of pizzas landed on the wheeling robot. GIR deactivated the weapons at the sight of pizza. He swandived into the pile and started eating the pizza in the most grotesque and disgusting way possible. Claptrap dug his way out of the greasy pizza pool and looked at GIR.
Claptrap: Hey who the hell are you? And what are you doing with my pizza?! You know how hard it is to find pizza in an apocalyptic wasteland? Pretty damn hard!
GIR got up and also exited the pile. Claptrap got a good look at him.
Claptrap: Hey you’re the guy who blew me up in the first place! Only my teams allowed to abuse me in my own base buster so get ready to feel a world of hurt!
GIR only recognized the threats as violent when the other robot pulled out a gun and pointed at him.
GIR: YAY Death Battle!
Claptrap and GIR: FIGHT!
Claptrap points the gun at GIR and fires. The robot assistant tanks these bullets with a smile before he began skipping happily towards Claptrap. He responded by tossing a Clap in the Box in GIRs path.
Claptrap: Merry Christmas! You better like it because I spent a lot of money on postage.
Surprise, GIR stepped onto the bomb and flew far into the base. Claptrap turned around and started wheeling away, until he heard that familiar voice.
GIR: Hello!
The small robot was flying at high speeds with his rocket boosters, cheering the whole way.
Claptrap: No shi-
GIR punched Claptrap in his weird eye thing causing it to crack. He began rapidly flying around the Hyperion robot making weird noises. Claptrap’s eye healed, and he activated VaultHunter.EXE.
Claptrap: Stop!…Hammer time!
Claptrap activated the Laser Inferno and a disco ball was just hanging by a thread(HyperA points if you get the reference). A laser sniped the small robot sending him flying down.
GIR: Oof! YAAAAAAAAAAY! That was fun!
Claptrap: Let’s dance!
The music started playing “Everybody Dance Now”. They both started excitedly dancing. Well I say dancing, but GIR was just marching in place because reference.
Claptrap: Maybe your not so bad-
Before he could finish, GIR was hit with another laser and was sent flying into the pile of pizza that was still there.
Claptrap: Hey you destroyed my pizza!
Clearly angry by the destroyed pizza that was absolutely 100% his fault, he activated the Funzerker and started rapidly firing. GIR was dodging most of the bullets, likely by accident, with his rocket boosters. However, a bullet struck one of the boosters and causing him to spiral out of control mid flight. He activated all of his weapons at the same time, shooting rockets, bullets, and laser eyes in a spiral of chaos.
GIR: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Claptrap ducked down behind a small destroyed wall. He activated the Torgue Fiesta and started rapidly throwing grenades at him. Most of these missed, but one struck the side of the tornado, causing it to rapidly fly around at HIGH speeds like a pinball table.
Claptrap: Uh oh Spagettios!
Claptrap impressively dodged the accidental onslaught of anarchy. He pulled out a sniper and camped under the shade of a somewhat tall building. But as he was lining up his shot, GIRs laser eyes cut the building in half, causing the top half of the building to fall down on Claptrap. GIR was laughing the best he could considering he was still spinning. However, there was a rumbling coming from the building on top of Claptrap. The Hyperion unit was lifting the building!
Claptrap: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
He threw the building at GIR, hitting him with a massive impact and finally stopping his spinning.
GIR: Ouch! That was…SO FUN! Let’s do that again!
He looked around, but Claptrap was nowhere to be seen. That was until an invisible fist struck him in the head. Claptrap was revealed to have used Shhhhhhhh…trap to surprise attack GIR. But this punch had done more than dent his thermos like head. It knocked around GIRs incredibly small microchip brain to the point where it shook with electricity. Eventually, it turned red, as did his eyes. GIR was now in his red mode!
GIR: Your attack plan is stupid. You are stupid! You will be terminated! Operation: Blow Stuff Up is in motion.
Claptrap looked over to see his newly serious opponent flying a few feet away from him.
Claptrap: Be careful who you bully in high school!
He tossed some Miniontraps in front of him as a line of defense. They rapidly fired at GIR, but were swiftly bisected by his laser eyes.
Random Miniontrap: Remember me.
Claptrap pulled out yet another gun, but it was swiftly destroyed. GIR went on the offensive, comboing him while also launching him upwards. He then grabbed the Hyperion unit by the wheel.
Claptrap: Hey! Don’t touch me there! This is my no no square-AAAH!
He was ignored as GIR began flying around the base, still holding onto Claptrap and making sure he was hit by every building and small object. He ended this by flying to the center of the base and throwing his opponent to the ground at high speeds before blowing him up with a rocket launcher blast. This created a huge crater in the ground. GIR flew down to the crater and looked around.
GIR: All who stand to the Irken empire, shall be conquered!
Claptrap: First time for everything dipshit!
Claptrap appeared out of the dust and repeatedly punched GIR. The Nickelodeon robot got tired of this and punched Claptrap away. He then launched a homing missile. The Hyperion unit saw this and rapidly wheeled in the opposite direction. As he ran, he picked up a buzz axe, a common weapon in Borderlands, and continued. Just as GIR thought his opponent was done for, Claptrap came back, now riding on top of the missile and carrying his buzz axe.
Claptrap: You can’t beat my Ultimate Doom Axe of Maximum Destruction(TM), which is a regular axe…WITH A BUZZ SAW TAPED TO IT! (Even more HyperA points if you get this reference)
GIR simply blew up the rocket with a simple laser fire. What he did not expect however, is for Claptrap to use this as extra momentum. He grabbed the buzz axe out of the air and slammed it down on his smaller, television opponent. GIR was sent flying backwards, but quickly regained balance. This gave Claptrap just enough distance to activate another weapon, the pirate ship.
Claptrap: YAR HAR FIDDLE EE DEE!
The newly piratatized Claptrap fired cannonball after cannonball at his enemy.
GIR: You stubborn f-
He gets hit right in the face with a cannonball.
GIR: You-stubborn-fool. You-have-WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!
He punched a cannonball, which hit another cannonball, which hit another, which bounced into another, you get the idea. Eventually, this chain led to Claptrap getting hit face first with a cannonball. He fell off his pirate ship, which disappeared as well as his costume.
Claptrap: This is starting to get irritating! The charm of a fun fight really wears thin when your hit in the face with a goddamn cannonball!
He did a little spin which ended with him wearing the rubber ducky. He leaped into the sky and jumped around, floating through the air like an elegant princess. Or Peach in ultimate. GIR looked at him with a look of pure “you have got to be kidding me”. Once he reached a high enough height, he pulled out a giant Clap in the Box larger than his body. As he threw it down at GIR, his opponent morphed his arms into giant over the top laser cannons that were definitely the Irkens compensating for something. However, something distracted him.
GIR: Ooh pretty butterfly!
Yep. His eyes turned to blue, he deactivated his weapons, all admire a small colorful butterfly. But he didn’t get to look at it for long, as the bomb reached him in a huge explosion. This blast completely leveled the base, and was visible from space. Claptrap landed on the ground with an audible thud. He sighed, until he noticed little bits and pieces of GIR falling from the sky.
Claptrap: And nothing of value was lost!
Results[]
Antasma: I mean, he technically achieved his goal.
Nightmare: While at first glance this looks pretty cut and dry, considering his immense strength and durability advantage.
Antasma: However, GIR did have a few advantages. For starters, he held a fairly sizable speed advantage, considering he flew across a town in a few seconds.
Nightmare: Not to mention that Red Mode GIR is more competent than Claptrap. He is built for combat after all.
Antasma: But that’s where the advantages stop. All of this is helpful, but it wasn’t enough against the fact that Claptrap could kill him with a few well placed hits and has experience, not to mention that he could easily kill GIR before he turned Red Mode, so it wouldn’t have been a factor in an actual fight anyways.
Nightmare: GIR was certainly a TRAP to success, but Claptrap had enough to NICK a victory.
Antasma: The winner is Claptrap.
Next Time[]
THE HULK
VS
THE FLASH