Descriptions[]
Venage237
Two soldiers who were on the front line of ending the apocalypse from monsters of unimaginable horrors must fight one-on-one to the death!
Intro[]
Boomstick: If there's somethin' Grandpappy Boomstick taught me that I remembered, that was from "Shut the heck up ya friggin' cow pie!"
Wiz: Boomstick, that's not the right one.
Boomstick: Dang it. Which one is it? Here it is! "War's like a heart transplant. When ya go in, somebody else comes back in yer body."
Wiz: There is a lot of truth to that. Many soldiers have given up their sanity and often times their lives to save the free world.
Boomstick: Like Chris Redfield, the head of the B.S.A.A., set on takin' down the Umbrella Corporation.
Wiz: And Soldier:76, the formerly dead soldier returned from the grave of Overwatch.
Boomstick: He's Wiz an' I'm Boomstick!
Wiz And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Chris Redfield[]
Nkstjoa
Boomstick: When ya workin' to take down a medical company that wants to start the zombie apocalypse, it's best to look fer the best of the best when it comes to this crap.
Wiz: That is what the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance strive to achieve with the help of none other than Chris Redfield.
Boomstick: After losin' 'is parents, Chris an' 'is sister Claire Redfield looked out fer each other til Chris joined S.T.A.R.S., a group of military soldiers who go lookin' fer people when they disappear.
Wiz: In the year 1998, S.T.A.R.S. was sent to Raccoon City to investigate several disappearances but came across something worse.
Boomstick: They came 'cross zombies! Then they stopped doin' that 'round... what? Resident Evil 4?
Wiz: Nonetheless, Chris and his teammates (All except for Wesker) fought against the virus that turned people into zombies but there was a twist.
Boomstick: Chris was workin' fer the B.S.A.A. as an undercover military agent!
Wiz: After seeing how Umbrella was destroying lives, he made it his mission to fittingly destroy them and all their Connections.
Boomstick: Fer such a big ol' task, Chris is gonna need the biggest, baddest an' most awesome weapons this guy can get 'is hands on.
Wiz: He carries a Glock 17, which can carry at least 18 bullets.
Boomstick: Chris here also carries an assault rifle which carries thirty bullets an' a friggin' awesome knife to butcher zombies with. Too bad he ain't going to Gunther's Guns.
Wiz: Of course, on top of all that, Chris has two more far greater weapons that have aided him through many zombie/undead/bio-hazard threats.
Boomstick: Our proud BSAA soldier uses 'is left an' right fists to rip apart zombies like thin paper. Ahh, like yers truly on a Tuesday.
Wiz: Boomstick, what on earth would you be doing on a Tuesday that would involve ripping paper?
Boomstick: Wiz, what's yer thoughts on illegal cage fightin'?
Wiz: Well, it's obviously illegal.
Boomstick: In that case, ya don't wanna know.
Wiz:... Boomstick, is there something you're not telling me?
MadMaxPyro
Boomstick: Nah Wiz. Ya ain't got nothin' to worry 'bout.
Wiz:... Sure I don't. I don't believe you at all.
Boomstick: What ya can believe is all the crazy crap Chris's been puttin' up with all 'is life. Ya know, killin' monsters like Lucas Baker an' Albert Wesker in their monster forms, shattered bulletproof glass like its nothin' an' fought a Tyrant Zombie jest before destroyin' it with a rocket launcher.
Wiz: Don't forget that he punched a boulder three times his size in a volcano, got through Lucas's laser trap, can fight on par with Leon Kennedy and Albert Wesker, threw infected javos and even ripped out a 10 ton organ holder out of an OGROMAN.
Boomstick: Hot dang! How'd he even learn to do that? What's he, Zombie Apocalypse Superman?! This guy's invincible!
Wiz: That isn't exactly true. Chris is only human and can be harmed via being shot or stabbed.
Boomstick: So, any other weaknesses?
Wiz: Well, zombie bites for one thing are dangerous enough to kill him. He also has a limited number of bullets because it's a Resident Evil game and everyone has a limited number of bullets.
Resident Evil 5 - Chris Redfield vs. Boulder
ReignoftheSupermen
Boomstick: Til ya find them little boxes of bullets or a FRIGGIN' ROCKET LAUNCHER!!
Wiz: Yes, that rocket launcher scene from the first Resident Evil game is very epic in my opinion.
Boomstick: Take that back ya sonuva..!
Wiz: What?! What did I say?!
Boomstick: The scene of Jill shootin' Nemesis is better!
Wiz: That's not in the original RE3! It's in the remake!
Soldier:76[]
Dio the Ludicolo
Wiz: Overwatch. Defenders of the free world and heroes to the public.
Boomstick: Here, ya can find anything and anyone ya want! A time travelin' lesbian, Gorilla Grodd bein' a scientist an' even the most manliest man in the world: Jack Morrison!
Wiz: As Morrison worked up the ladder to make himself stronger and to make the world safer, he managed to surpass his friend and brother figure, Gabriel Reyes.
Boomstick: Then Gabe got a bit jealous, then he became a vigilante named Reaper and burned down Overwatch with Jack inside?! Wiz, what the heck's goin' on?
Wiz: Yes... While most of the reasoning of the Overwatch character's actions do seemed justified, Reapers... Let's not debate it now.
Boomstick: Welp, we're coverin' Reaper later this season so we'll skin that cat later.
Wiz: When Overwatch was destroyed, Jack was presumed to have been killed.
Boomstick: HA! HA HA HA HA HA... AAHH HA HA HA HA!!!
ReignoftheSupermen
Wiz: Let's be fair. Life and death in fiction is similar to a work week. Moving on, Jack returned with a vengence to destroy Talon and possibly redeem Reaper as Soldier:76.
Boomstick: Why's he called Soldier:76? He ain't even that old!
Wiz: I think it has less to do with his age and has to do with something a bit more... patriotic.
Boomstick: Patriotic? Oh, I get it! America was founded in 1776 an' he's named Solder:76! That's kinda smart!
Wiz: Yes. Wearing a red, white and blue jacket, Morrison took on all the forces of evil with some helpful weapons from Overwatch, such as his iconic Heavy Pulse Rifle.
Boomstick: This baby can fire automatic rounds an' can fire Helix Rockets that can destroy an opponent in a second!
Wiz: With the Biotec Field, Soldier:76 can heal and protect himself in a force field that is virtually impenetrable.
Boomstick: Wait, how'd a force field manage to heal 'im?
Wiz: Well how did Mercy do all her healing with her staff?
Boomstick: Magic! Duh.
Wiz: Okay... Boomstick, you need to play the game more often. Moving on, Soldier:76 also uses his iconic tactical visor which not only speeds up his reloading time and lock onto individual targets for about six seconds, but it can prevent him from being killed via headshot.
Boomstick: Wait, that thing keeps 'is head from gettin' blown off?! There a force field 'round that thing or somethin'?
Wiz: Well, not that we know of. But yes, his head is protected nonetheless.
Boomstick: Kinda like how he's been savin' the world by doin' stuff like fightin' off the Los Muertos gang alone an' kickin' Reaper's butt with the help of Ana. Man, this guy's awesome!
Wiz: Don't forget he has also taken a grenade blast at close range that didn't hurt him, destroyed a truck with several Helix Rockets, became the first commander of Overwatch AND he survived being blown up INSIDE the Overwatch Headquarters. Not just a small explosion, this took out the entire building!
Introducing Soldier- 76 - Overwatch
ReignoftheSupermen
Boomstick: Holy crap.
Wiz: Indeed. Unfortunately due to the amount of action he's seen and his age, Soldier:76 is nowhere near his fighting prime.
Boomstick: Guess that means he can't sprint an' run at the same time?
Wiz: No sadly. Along with that, if he fires continuously, the Pulse Rifle's gunshots spread slower.
Boomstick: That makes sense.
Wiz: Really?
Boomstick: Nah.
Alright, the Combatants are Set, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE![]
(Reaper hides in a warehouse with a disassembled gun on a table as he cleans the parts. Stopping his cleaning for a second, he looks to his left or his right then goes back to cleaning. He starts to put the gun back together when he hears a sound of quiet footsteps. Pulling the gun off the table, Reaper pointed the gun at the shadows only to turn back around and find Soldier:76 standing on the table.)
Soldier:76: Reyes.
Reaper: Jack.
Soldier:76 (Jumps off the table): What happened to you?
Reaper: I'm not goin' back to Overwatch, Jack. So go tell your commander to screw himself.
Soldier:76: I don't work for Overwatch anymore. Not since you betrayed the team and me! You left me to die!
Reaper: You betrayed your team when you took charge!
(Chris Redfield kicks in the door, pointing his gun at Reaper and Soldier:76.)
Chris: B.S.A.A.! Everyone on the ground!
(Reaper disappeared into black smoke leaving him behind.)
Soldier:76: Reyes!
Chris: You! Freeze!
Soldier:76: No!
(Soldier:76 kicks the table over and hides behind it while Chris fires upon him. He then kicks the table into Chris's knees and knocks him over. Chris stands back up and fires upon Soldier:76 who hides in the darkness. Chris looks around then flips a switch which turns on all the lights around the warehouse. Soldier:76 shoots the fuse box, turning off the lights again which only irritates Chris. He then looks around and reloads his gun then fires at the first sound of footprints around him. Then he fires in one direction, sending Soldier:76 in one direction and throws a grenade in that direction. The grenade blows up and launches Soldier:76 into a nearby wall. Picking himself off the ground, Soldier:76 activates his infrared vision and watches Chris sneaking up from behind him with his gun in one hand and his knife in the other. Looking around, Soldier:76 uses his visor to find a weak spot in the ceiling via the metal beams. He slowly points his gun up without Chris noticing and even begins to play stupid to fool him. As Chris points his gun, Soldier:76 shoots the metal beams, causing the ceiling to begin to collapse. Chris jumps around and dodges the falling debris that then lands on top of him. Growling, Chris then starts pushing it off, then punching the debris. The debris doesn't seem to give at first, but then Chris punches harder and harder with the debris finally shattering like half-inch glass. He gets back up and sees three rockets coming his way.)
Chris: Holy crap!
(The rockets explode causing more of the warehouse to collapse as they both run out of the soon-to-be pile of destruction. Chris is finally in sight of Soldier:76 who proceeds to fire more rockets. Chris dodges more rocket fire and then begins to return fire upon Soldier:76 until his assault rifle runs out of ammo. Pulling out his Glock 17, he points his gun at Soldier:76 but can't fire at him due to the increased amount of rockets. One of them manage to hit Chris, launching him through a wall, injuring him badly. He pulls out a spray from his vest and sprays his arm, the least injured part of his body. Then he stands straight back up as if he wasn't injured in the first place.)
Soldier:76: Son ova--
(He falls back over and feels one of Chris's bullets pass through his shoulder. Chris stands over him armed with his Glock 17 as he reloads it. Pointing the gun at Soldier:76's head, he fires twice to make sure he is dead. Soldier:76 lifts his head and laughs.)
Soldier:76: Nice try.
Chris: Son ova--!
(Soldier:76 kicks Chris in the chest and headbutts him in the face then hits him again with the butt of his gun. Chris retaliates by swinging his knife around and landing a couple cuts on Soldier:76. He gets in close enough to grab Soldier:76 by his jacket and throws him. Soldier:76 stands up and activates a biotic field, shielding himself along with healing his wounds that could have been fatal. He reloads more helix rockets. Chris looks around very quickly and sees a convenient boulder at the top of the hill. Running up the hill, he went to the other side of said boulder, dodging helix rockets all over the place. Chris presses his shoulder and hand into it while Soldier:76 keeps firing rockets. The boulder starts to move but then it gets stuck again. He growls then punches it once, then twice, then the third time almost did the trick. Finally, Chris punches it for the fourth time and he slams his shoulder into the boulder, causing it to roll down the hill. Soldier:76 sees the boulder and reloads his gun. He points it at the boulder and fires several rockets. They explode against the boulder, leaving a still smaller and yet dangerous sized boulder. The biotic field suddenly shuts down and Soldier:76 jumps out of the way. He looks and sees his legs have been crushed. Chris approaches with Glock reloaded. Soldier:76 pulls out another biotic field and slams it into the ground, activating it. The biotic field restores his legs and he grabs his gun, targeting system activated and targeting Chris. Firing three helix rockets, Soldier:76 watches as they destroy Chris, annihilating him to nothing. Soldier:76 stands back up and lifts his gun over his shoulder, looking around for Reaper.)
Soldier:76: Gabriel... Where are you?
Results[]
Boomstick: CHRIS!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Wiz: Soldier:76 was no where as strong as Chris or any of the monsters he fought, but Soldier:76 had three advantages in this situation: Speed, endurance and weapons.
Boomstick: Chris Redfield PUNCHED A BOULDER!! How'd Soldier:76 top that crap?!
Wiz: For one thing, Solider:76 is faster. He's fast enough to dodge Pharah's missiles, which seem to move at the speed of normal missiles. Chris on the other hand, can run at normal human speeds.
Boomstick: An' let's see 'ere... While Chris uses that spray stuff or eatin' plants to heal, Jack's got that biotic field that heals 'im completely in a few seconds! Jeez, Jack's got more healin' power!
Wiz: Not to mention that Chris had little to no defenses AGAINST ROCKETS, whereas Soldier:76 can instantly heal himself. And don't forget, Soldier:76 was in a building that completely BLOWN UP. And he survived!
Boomstick: An' on the third day, Chris Redfield will rise again from under the Overwatch, punchin' that boulder in the sky...
Wiz: The winner is Soldier:76.
Editor's Note[]
- The Gunther's Guns joke is from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- What did I think of Resident Evil: Village? Well, to be honest, I wasn't that excited because it looked like it was going to be like Underworld (Supernatural beings like vampires, werewolves and such created without the use of Umbrella.) and seemed that Lady Dimitrescu was going to be very popular for the wrong reasons. But other than that, I thought it was fine. The plot twist with Ethan was clever to be fair.
- Wiz's joke in a Family Guy style cutaway gag:
Superman: Hey Bruce!
Batman: Hey Clark.
Superman: Died again?
Batman: Yep. Did you come back to life?
Superman: Yeah. See you on Monday!
- Just found out that Ana is Pharah's mother. Why they haven't made Overwatch a story based game? I dunno...
- Also, how does Soldier:76 look older than Reaper when Reaper is older?!