Description[]
Pokémon vs Undertale! They're full of themselves, jump to conclusions, are always enthusiastic, but also loyal friends and brothers... Here we're having a battle between two pretty cool dudes! Not only do they love to cook, but they're fired up... all the time. Chili, leaving his brothers for this match, and Papyrus, without Sans, are going at it. Can Chili burn bright enough, or will the "Cool Dude", Papyrus, cool him down?
Interlude[]
Wiz: When it comes to beings who are absolutely full of themselves, love cooking, and are some of the best brothers you can have...
Boomstick: ... it's not joke they'd be strong. Well, remotely strong. But, I mean, when you have a battle between a really Cool Dude and a Smoking Hot Gym Leader, the masters of chilli and spaghetti, who really cares?!
Wiz: Chili, the Fire Type master, and Gym Leader of the Striaton Gym, alongside his brothers, Cilan and Cress.
Boomstick: And Papyrus, the aspiring Royal Guard, lover of traps, and the younger and more slender brother to Sans! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and universe-resetting skills, to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Chili[]
Jeice: Hoo, boy! Things are really heatin' up now... I know I'm the Red Magma n' all, but this guy brings a whole new meaning to heat!
Boomstick: Soooo... You're saying you think he's hot?
Jeice: Yes! ... Wait, no! Not in that way, mate! Not in that way at all!
Wiz: Anyways... Three young brothers grew up together, each with the same dream and talents.
Boomstick: But they were different in their own ways! I mean... Fire Trainer, Grass Trainer, Water Trainer... Those are different.
Jeice: But they still became cooks! I mean, at least they cook better than Boomstick...
Boomstick: Hey! Those french fries… were… supposed to have bullet holes in them...
Wiz: In fact, they're world renown chefs. People come from all over to eat their food.
Boomstick: But that's not it... In Unova, the region they live in, but more specifically, Striaton City, these three signed up to be the Gym Leaders. But, since they were so similar in strength, they all became the Gym Leaders!
Jeice: Well, now how the heck does that work?
Boomstick: Uhhhhh...
Wiz: Well, he challenger comes in, and depending on what type of starter they chose, a certain Leader would challenge them. For example, if somebody came in with a Grass Type, Chili would face them.
Boomstick: Well, now, that sucks. They pick whoever is best against you!
Jeice: But today we're focusing on Chili! He's the Fire Type user, amazin' chef like his brothers, and prized owner of some amazin' Pokémon!
Wiz: Chili, while very skilled, let's his personality get in the way.
Boomstick: True! Chili is over confident, selfish, self-obsessed... And thinks he's the greatest of his brothers! When he's really… not.
Jeice: Well, yes, the one he's strong against, the Grass Trainer Cilan, is more skilled than him, and Cress, the Water Trainer, is strong against him... So... Chili is the weakest one!
Boomstick: Well, that sucks.
Wiz: Yes it does. When you're proud like Chili, here's no doubt you'd lose a lot. But Chili's skill just doesn't let that happen. His main Pokémon is Simisear, which is the evolved form of Pansear.
Boomstick: It's a male, and to top it off, it's a freaking Level 67! And, of course, being a Fire Monkey, it's a Fire Type. It's Ability is Gluttony, and the item it holds is the Life Orb.
Jeice: That glutton' ability has Simisear use his held item when he has low HP! And the Life Orb has Simisear increase the power of its moves by a whole 30%!
Wiz: But Simisear also has attacks to let it win. Such as its first attack, Crunch. This Dark Type move has Simisear chomp down with the power to destroy boulders. It has a chance to lower the opponents defence and special defence.
Boomstick: And, it's next attack is Flamethrower. This Fire Type attack that has Simisear shoot a freaking fire beam out of its mouth! That even has a 10% chance of burning the foe!
Jeice: And his second last move is Work Up! This has Simisear charge up, raising its Special Attack and Attack! But it's final attack is... Grass Knot? A bloody Grass Type attack?
Wiz: That's right. Simisear knows Grass Knot. This Grass Type move, which binds their feet and trips them, dealing damage. The heavier they are, the harder they fall, causing more damage.
Boomstick: Damn... Chili is one Pokémon Trainer I don't want to connect eyes with, because if I went into battle with him... I'd lose.
Papyrus[]
Wiz: A long time ago there was a battle between two different species...
Boomstick: And, of course, it was a battle between humans and monsters!
Jeice: Well, y'see, he humans and monsters lived on Earth together for quite sometime. Everythin' was alright, but I guess e monsters became selfish wankers and wanted it for themselves.
Boomstick: Lead by King Asgore, the monsters attacked the humans!
Wiz: But, naturally, the humans won in a very close battle. But, instead of killing the monsters, the humans used a magic spell to trap the Monsters in the place known as the Underground.
Jeice: Sure is dark over there, I can tell ya that... Well, whatever, eyesight is 20/20.
Boomstick: a The monsters were completely separated from the humans... Well, that was until, y'know, six humans fell down Mt. Ebott and landed there.
Jeice: That sucks for them... Especially since they all died. But luckily for the monsters, seven human souls were all they needed to return to the surface. All they needed was one more...
*Frisk falls down Mt. Ebott*
Jeice: Eyy, it's their lucky day, mates! There's the seventh!
Wiz: Well... I don't think Frisk will go down so easily.
Boomstick: That's right! Frisk made it past an encounter with the devilish Flowey, and made friends with pretty much... everybody.
Wiz: But, eventually, Frisk met the two skeleton brother, Sans and Papyrus, both very different with contrasting goals. Sans was lazy and did little at all, while Papyrus wanted to become a Royal Guard.
Jeice: After tryin' to trick Frisk with a few japes, Papyrus just gave up, and fought Frisk, trying to capture 'em and deliver 'em to Asgore, so that he could be promoted to Royal Guard.
Boomstick: Which would've worked... if the bars of the prison weren't spread out so much. And if he was a good fighter.
Wiz: Well, he is, but his personality gets in the way all the time. He's overconfident, proud, self-obsessed, and he makes a ton of assumptions.
Jeice: Ehh, everyone in the Force is like that, and look how far we've got! Maybe he could even join! I mean, he's all dressed up for it...
Boomstick: Oh yeah! Papyrus also wears the Battle Body, a custom made suit of armour that he wears... all the time. But it's alright, because those markings on it are totally from Starmen. Plus he has that red scarf, which is awesome too...
Wiz: While he doesn't even know what the sun is, Papyrus is skilled at what he does.
Jeice: Skilled in everythin' but cookin'... But he has potential. I could get him to make chocolate parfaits for the team.
Boomstick: Well, other than the less-than-good spaghetti, Papyrus can definitely fight! His main form of attack is throwing bones, which he gets from... um... I don't know... Does he get them from his own body?!
Wiz: Perhaps, but we're still not sure. Anyways, aside from just throwing white bones, Papyrus can also throw blue bones. These blue bones act like normal bones, but won't hurt you when you are standing still.
Jeice: Physics. Right out the window.
Boomstick: True... but Papyrus doesn't need physics! He has his Absolutely Normal Attack!
Wiz: We would've given him his ultimate attack, but, well, we don't know what that is. Instead, a dog ate the attack, and so Papyrus just used a really cool average attack.
Jeice: It sure is cool! He throws out a whole ton o' bones! There are some spelling "COOL DUDE"; some riding skateboards, and one giant one that I don't think anybody could dodge...
Boomstick: Still, like Wiz said before, Papyrus has his flaws. He doesn't like fighting, as he cant bring himself to kill, and he thinks he's the coolest guy ever...
Wiz: But, well, I don't think saying he's a Cool Dude would be a stretch. Papyrus can fight and beat a lot of people when he really has to.
Fight![]
The tall slender skeleton known as Papyrus was enjoying his time on aboveground. Riding sports cars, meeting knew people, visiting new places... it was the best.
And all his friends were there to top it off.
" O H Y E A H ! C H E C K T H I S O U T , S A N S ! " Papyrus boasted to his brother WHI,e in his sports car. Immediately, Papyrus sped up and raced far ahead of Sans.
"you wanna race? sorry, paps, but you're gonna have a bad time." Sans said back, speeding up in his... tricycle?
Papyrus looked down at his brother in shock. Some way, some how, the tricycle rider was beating him. Looking ahead, Papyrus saw what ways the road lead... and found a shortcut!
As Sans kept going forwards, Papyrus took a quick turn down the road. But, said road was... not a road at all. In fact, Papyrus was driving on sidewalk. People dove out of the way, but Papyrus didn't even try dodging. He was so scared, he just closed his eyes and cowered.
" O H M A N . . . " Papyrus groaned, before his car smashed into a building, stopping it in its tracks.
The Cool Dude reluctantly stepped out of the vehicle, and looked at his surroundings. There was brick everywhere, and of course, in the middle, his smashed up car. Papyrus sank his head down low. That was until, in the building right beside the one he smashed into, Papyrus smelled... food!
" Y E S ! T H E S E H U M A N S F E L T S O R R Y F O R M Y D E S T R O Y E D C A R , A N D C O O K E D M E S O M E F O O D !" Papyrus shouted proudly, dashing towards the next building.
Well, Papyrus was wrong. The food place was actually just a restaurant. But he still didn't know that. Papyrus took a seat by an empty table, and waited for the server.
"Hello. I am Cress." Said a blue-haired calm boy. "May I take your order?"
Papyrus immediately unloaded his order. Not only did he thank Cress for "making him a meal because of his destroyed car", leaving Cress immensely confused, but on top of that, he ordered ten bowls of spaghetti.
"Um... Yes, sir... Coming right up." Cress said, scurrying off with his notepad. Many minutes later, maybe half an hour later, two other waiters arrived. One with grassy green hair, and the other with crazy red bedhead hair. They both carried five bowls of spaghetti each.
"Here you go sir. Ten bowls, just as you asked." Said the green-haired one, known as Cilan.
" W H Y , T H A N K Y O U . " Papyrus told them, accepting each plate with open arms. Er, an open mouth, that is.
"Don't mention it, dude. I'm Chili. Feel free to order as much as you want. As long as you've got the cash, amiright?" Chili grinned, but then he just pushed that aside as a joke. Right after that, Cilan and Chili started walking away.
" W A I T . . . I H A V E T O P A Y F O R T H I S ? I , T H E G R E A T P A P Y R U S , D O N ' T H A V E A N Y M O N E Y . . . ! " Papyrus yelled out loud, though he thought he was saying it in his head.
Chili and Cilan stopped in their tracks.
"You heard that too?" Chili grumbled.
"Of course I did. We spent all that time cooking, just for it to go to a non-paying customer..." Cilan sighed.
"I know another way he can pay us. You go ahead."
"Alright... Just don't do anything rash." Cilan warned Chili, walking back through the kitchen doors from where he emerged.
Chili, on the other hand, walked back to Papyrus with a very aggravated expression. His eyes seemed to burn with anger, like a raging fire inside his soul.
The skeleton looked up at Chili, worried.
" U M . . . H O W M A Y I B E O F S E R V I C E , S I R . . . ? " Papyrus asked sheepishly. Chili rolled his eyes.
"You know exactly what, chump! If you can't pay for those bowls, I'll make you pay a different way!" Chili yelled.
" D I F F E R E N T . . . W A Y ? "
"That's right, chump. Get ready to get roasted!" Chili growled, hopping back and taking out a Pokéball. "Even if you beat me... a stupid idiot like yourself doesn't deserve a badge!"
Papyrus stood up, trying to talk his way out, but the Gym Leader didn't want to hear it. Instead, Chili had something to say himself.
"Simisear, come on out!" Chili ordered, throwing the ball. Out popped the fire monkey. Then, Chili flashed a wide smirk, his eyes burning even hotter. "My soul burns hotter than the depths of the sun... my hopes and dreams will all be fulfilled and more! My path to becoming the greatest Fire Type Trainer will never end, but I will further my path by roasting dirty scumbags like you! Get ready to feel the burn, bonehead!"
" W H Y A R E Y O U T A L K I N G A B O U T Y O U R S E L F S O R U D E L Y O U T I N P U B L I C ? ! "
"Ha ha... Sick burn..." Chili grumbled. "Just kidding! I'm the Fire Type master! Nobody can roast me!"
" A T L E A S T G R I L L B Y I S A C T U A L L Y M A D E O F F I R E ! "
"Who're you calling a Grillby?! Tch! The likes of you doesn't even deserve to say such insulting and odd words! Bring it on!"
The two were ready to duel it out. But, little did they know, they were being watched. Three people sat in chairs, seeing the whole thing go on.
"I told him not to be rash..." Cilan groaned.
"What'd you expect? It's Chili." Cress countered.
"I only hope Paps doesn't get hurt..." Sans worried beside them. Cress shrugged.
"When it comes to power... Chili is a mystery. His strength come from his anger..." Cress said.
"Then I hope I don't have to interfere." Sans finally told them.
But Chili and Papyrus didn't notice a thing. They were ready to face off to the bitter end.
FIGHT![]
(Cues Bonetrousle B2/W2 Soundfont https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bU2fdvODOxs )
Chilli stretched his arm out and pointed towards Papyrus.
"Simisear! Crunch!" Chili ordered.
Simisear dashed at Papyrus, than leaped and but down hard! Ere was a load cracking of bone, but unfortunately for the fire monkey, it wasn't exactly the same bone he wanted.
That was because, at the last possible moment, Papyrus stuck out one of his bones, having Simisear bite that instead!
"Simisear! Keep on with the Crunch's!" Chili yelled again. Simisear kept biting forwards and forwards, each time hitting one of Papyrus' spare bones!
But, when that was all done, Papyrus whacked Simisear in he side of the face with one more bone! Simisear went flying back towards Chili.
The Gym Leader caught his fire monkey.
"You alright?"
"Simi! Simisear!" Simisear responded, still raring to go, and hopping out of Chili's arms!
"Okay... Then let's try and get stronger with Work Up! Sound good?!" Chili commanded. Simisear nodded, than began charging power. Quickly, Simisear's Attack and Special Attack rose second by second.
But, while Simisear was charging, Papyrus threw a special bone...
A blue bone.
Simisear looked up at the last possible moment.
"Tch... Simisear! Don't move to dodge, there's no time! Just try to block!"
The fire monkey put its arms up, bracing itself for the... for the...
Impact? Where was the impact! The a Blue Bone simply passed through Simisear, and disappeared.
" W H A T ? " Papyrus called out, astonished. Chili was a little freaked at first, but quickly realized what just happened. This skeleton's attack... just failed.
"Simisear! Let's hit 'em hard with a Grass Knot!" Chili shouted. Simisear moved it hands a bit, than, before Papyrus knew it, his feet were tied up.
Then, Papyrus tripped and fell to the ground.
" O W . "
"Now's our chance! Crunch!"
Simisear leaped at Papyrus another time, landing towards him with open jaws.
"My Simisear is ready to take a bite out of you without any hesitation... just like how you were ready to take a bite out of our pasta without even paying!" Chili screamed in anger.
In response, while still on the ground, Papyrus flicked his hand up.
While Simisear landed, a bone stabbed through the earth and stuck out of the floor, just under Simisear!
Nimble and having quick reactions, Simisear landed on the bone, not letting it impale him! Then Simisear hopped back.
"Alright, good thinking, buddy!" Chilly told his partner. "Let's stay back, but still hit him hard!"
At that same moment, Papyrus stood up.
"FLAMETHROWER!!!"
Simisear inhaled, than exhaled a gigantic blast of incredibly hot fire. Chili looked pretty satisfied, as he thought the attack hit...
SMASH! Simisear was hit right in the face with a bone, which passed right through the flames!
" N Y E H H E H H E H ! " Papyrus cheered, performing a little victory pose.
"Don't celebrate yet, Skeletor, I'm not even close to being finished."
Chili watched his Simisear raise off the ground.
"Simisear... Grass Knot! Then Crunch!"
Simisear tripped Papyrus again, successfully, and Papyrus began to fall again... But Chili still had issued another command!
Just as Papyrus was falling, Simisear ran up and chomped on Papyrus' shoulder! Papyrus flinched, being stopped from falling but also being damaged!
"A L R I G H T . . . T H E N I T ' S T I M E F O R M Y S P E C I A L A T T A C K ! " Papyrus yelled, striking an awesome pose of coolness.
A minute passed. Nothing happened.
"Can I attack yet?"
" N O ! W H E R E I S M Y S P E C I A L A T T A C K ? ! " Papyrus looked around. Then, he saw it. " O H ! T H E R E I T I S ! "
But, the nine meant for the attack was in the mouth of... a small little Lilipup.
"Tch. A Lilipup?"
" A A A H ! T H A T S M A L L D O G H A S M Y S P E C I A L A T T A C K ! G E T B A C K , D O G ! "
But, unfortunately, the Lilipup was long gone.
"That was painfully anti-climactic." Chili commented. Simisear looked back at its trainer and nodded in agreement. Papyrus gave a deep sigh.
" F I N E ! T H E N I ' L L J U S T U S E A N A B S O L U T E L Y N O R M A L A T T A C K ! "
Papyrus thrusted his hand forwards, and a load of bones came flying at Simisear!
"Simisear! Crunch again!"
Every bone that came near the Fire Monkey was crunched into a pile of dust, leaving Simisear completely unharmed.
"Alright! Good j... ob..." Chili was proud, until the next load of bones came, spelling out "COOL DUDE"
"Simi... sear?" The monkey wondered.
"Um..." Chili straightened his tie. "Well, Simisear hop over it, I guess..."
Simisear harmlessly hopped over the bones, leaving it unharmed again. Simisear than began to run at Papyrus to unleash a finishing blow, when—
KASMASH! A gigantic bone, the size of the whole freaking building, rocketed out of the ground, practically uppercutting Simisear straight into the face! Simisear flew back.
"No!" Chili cried out. Simisear weakly stood up, but it's jaw was pretty much shattered.
"Simi... Simi... Sear..." Simisear heaved.
"D-Do you want to keep going, Simisear?"
Simisear nodded in response the trainers question. While it may be staring into the eyes of Death, it's still Chili's, and so it's pride will forever be intact.
"Alright... Well, then, let's go with Flamethrower!"
Simisear dashed at the slender skeleton, and when it was near his face, unleashed a whole ton of flames. Papyrus screamed in pain, and was covered in ash when the flames dissipated.
Papyrus dusted off the ash, than continued, throwing a blue bone.
Knowing how it worked, Simisear stood still, having it pass right through him.
That's when, something Simisear was holding the whole time began resonating. It was... The Life Orb! Activated by the Gluttony ability, the Life Orb increased the attack power by a whole ton!
"Grass Knot!"
Papyrus was tripped, the impact hurting him a lot more, but he pushed himself back onto his feet with bones. But then, Chili noticed that Papyrus looked very... tired...
Perhaps he was worn out?
Well, it didn't matter. It was time to finish things. Simisear lunged at Papyrus, a finishing crunch ready...
KASMASH!
…
That didn't go as expected. Simisear's head made a loud CRACK as its neck completely snapped.
And there stood Papyrus, holding a bone as if he just swung a baseball bat. He had his grin of victory on and everything.
Chili fell to his knees. Immediately, Cress and Cilan dashed over and comforted their brother. Chili was in tears, but the water streaming down his face felt like lava to him.
KO![]
Papyrus danced in victory.
" Y E S ! I S H A L L N O W E A T T H E S P A G H E T T I ! " The skeleton cheered.
But at that moment, all three brothers stood up. Chili's eyes were literally engulfed in flames.
"Who said it was over, scumbag?! I still have five left... And my brothers each have six Pokémon left. Let's see you take out 17 determined Pocket Monsters!!!"
"determination? monsters?" Sans asked. "well, that sounds interesting, and i'd love to watch, but... i've gotta go to mt. silver in kanto/johto. see ya."
"Later." Chili said.
"but, hurt my brother... and you're gonna have a bad time."
"Hurt? No. he's going to feel the wrath of my Pokémon!"
"Hey, Chili..." Cilan said quietly.
"What?!"
"We still have customers waiting." Cilan told him. Chili's face flushed.
"Oh.. Right!" Chili shouted, dashing into the kitchen. "Yo, skeleton man! Get out of here while I'm occupied!"
"I'd listen to him." Cress said at last.
" C A N I S T I L L H A V E T H E S P A G H E T T I ? "
Conclusion[]
Wiz: That was fairly close. Chili's Simisear had some things on Papyrus which Papyrus could not counter.
Boomstick: Buuut, in the end, the winner had to go to ol' Paps. While not taking experience, defence, or speed, he takes pretty much everything else.
Jeice: It's definitely true that Chilli's got experience in the bag! He's been training since he was a bloody toddler! Meanwhile…
Wiz: Well, were unsure of how long Papyrus has been fighting. Well, actually, it's likely that he's pretty much never fought before, with the exception of the battle with Frisk or Chara depending on the route you take.
Boomstick: But that category honestly meant nada in this fight! I mean, Chili has been doing it for a while, so he's used of it, sure, but with a personality like his...
Jeice: Yeah, that's pretty iffy. He's so freakin' public, he likes to show off his attacks and try to finish things quickly to amaze people, that he doesn't think about the skill that's he's had since he was little!
Boomstick: Hell, his whole Gym isn't about skill at all! His Gym literally is about type advantages, where they try to get the edge all the time by choosing the Leader who is strong against the challenger.
Wiz: And that is very flawed. A battle does not only come down to type advantages. But, the next thing Chili is actually good in would be defence.
Jeice: It's actually very iffy whether Chili takes this. I'd actually say Papyrus has it.
Boomstick: Explain, please.
Jeice: Well, I do work for the Force a lot, but I've played Undertale in my free time, and, well, Papyrus can take one hell of a beatin'. He can take hits from Chara even, who, while she was weaker when she fought Papyrus, can one shot Asgore and pwn Flowey.
Wiz: And while Simisear can raise its Defence stat, it's defence is so low compared to Papyrus' that an increase would do nothing special. But, now we move onto speed.
Boomstick: Now, Chili does take this! Simisear is very agile, like any monkey, is, and well...
Jeice: Papyrus isn't. He doesn't dodge any attacks like his brother, Sans, and dodgin' attacks is the only real way to get a speed feat from Undertale.
Wiz: However, none of that matters in the end. Papyrus isn't horribly slow, and can catch up very easily.
Boomstick: Hell, all of Simisear's attacks can be countered! Crunch doesn't too too much, and can be blocked, Flamethrower doesn't do much, as bones can pass threw it and Papyrus has shrugged off being electrocuted before, Work Up raises defence, but doesn't make its defence higher than Papyrus', and Grass Knot… trips people.
Jeice: Hell, you'd think that since Simisear has an item, it could be useful, but, well… it really not. That bloody Life Orb ups Simisear's attack, but Simisear's attacks, as Boomstick just said, don't do anything.
Boomstick: Chili is a pretty hot trainer, but when faced against Cool Dude Papyrus, he just got cooled down!
Wiz: The winner is, Papyrus.