Description[]
RedDead35000
Iconic food mascots who starred in their own video games. What could go wrong?
Intro[]
Boomstick: I knew food had mascots, but food mascots having video games? Who knew?!
Wiz: Pepsiman, the creation of rampant consumerism and savior of Pepsi City.
Boomstick: And Chex-Man, the soldier from the family friendly version of Doom and hero of General Mills planet.
Wiz: The planet's called Bazoik.
Boomstick: You're kidding me.
Wiz: No,I am not.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to figure out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Chex-Man[]
Boomstick: Remember them fancy prizes in your cereal?
Wiz:The best of all the prizes in most people's childhood and cereal history was --
Boomstick: I just ate all mine when I was a kid in my early days.
Wiz: Boomstick, HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!
Boomstick: I have no clue. You got some idea?
Wiz: Go. See. A. Doctor. Now.
Boomstick: Alright.
Wiz: With video games such as Doom becoming increasingly popular, General Mills came up with an idea that seemed ridiculous at the time: A free family-friendly version of Doom about Chex cereal, called Chex Quest.
Boomstick: Turns out that booger aliens called Flemoids attacked the planet of Bazoik, home to the cereal people.
Wiz: I thought you were at the Doctor's office.
Boomstick: You ain't a doctor?
Wiz: No.
Boomstick: Oh. Well, see ya later.
Wiz: Good grief. Anyway,the Flemoids attacked because they lived off of nutritious food and the people of this world of Bazoik were literally made up of nutritious food! And so, the world governments united to find a solution. And they did. It was a teleporting device called a Zorcher. One soldier decided to be the one who took the Flemoids down. He was the Chex-Man, this world's version of Doomguy. Oh wait, I mean Doom Warrior. With a threat as large as the Flemoids, Chex-Man is armed with not just one, but multiple types of Zorchers. Such as:
- The Large Area Zorching Device creates a giant portal that takes out a large amount of targets.
- The Large Zorcher can blast a single beam of energy in a spread.
- Then we have the Mini Zorcher, a far more simple weapon. Think of it as a handgun.
- Now we have the Rapid Zorcher, which much like the name, fires a lot faster than the other weapons.
- There's also the Super Bootspork... (It's like a family friendly version of the chainsaw from DOOM.)
- Finally, we have the Zorch Propulsor. A device that opens a portal that draws in nearby Flemoid targets.
Boomstick: A portal? Why does he need a portal?
Wiz: I thought you were at the doctor's.
Boomstick: Ah, gave me a clean bill of health. Turns out I barfed out all them fancy cereal prizes.
Wiz: Oh good!
Boomstick: So, where we at?
Wiz: We were just about to talk about Chex-Man's abilities. He has advanced speed, strength and durability. His top speed we can estimate is around 20 miles per hour and he can fight off giant Flemoid monsters for a while, armed with his many weapons.
Boomstick: Chex-Man's destroy plenty of giant monsters made of green snot, from a giant booger bird to plenty of giant booger guards in armor.
Wiz: With all of those powers, he has saved the world many times and:
- Teleported into the Flemoid's dimension to fight a never ending war,
- Quickly recovered from a giant slime attack,
- Pushed a shopping cart while carrying three kids,
- Fought off a giant Flemoid monster,
- Dodged a goop blast,
- Destroyed a Flemoid in a very, very fast way,
- Physically beat the snot (Not a pun) out of a Flemoid
- And one time, even traveled back in time to stop the programmer of the game from creating Flemoids.
Boomstick: Wait, how'd he do that?!
Wiz: You're questioning a game where you play as a piece of cereal?
Boomstick: Eh. Ya win.
Pepsiman[]
TheHoneyBaron
Boomstick: Ya know somethin's a big ol' sellout when ya got a mascot lookin' like a rip off of the T-1000.
Wiz: True, but Pepsiman is a LOT more different.
Boomstick: HOW?!
Wiz: Pepsiman was once a scientist named Satoru Shujinko who worked for Pepsi.
Boomstick: Pepsi needed a scientist?
Wiz: But then an accident came across Shujinko and turned him into the superhero: Pepsiman.
Boomstick: And now he's runnin' round and turnin' stuff into Pepsi, so nobody could end up thirsty. Yeah, how 'bout ya drink some friggin' water?!
Wiz: But Pepsi.
Boomstick: What?
Wiz: Because Pepsi.
Boomstick: I ain't followin'.
Wiz: With his new powers, Pepsi man went about the world, saving people with Pepsi.
Boomstick: So... how's that savin' the world?
Wiz: People need Pepsi.
Boomstick: Naw, they need beer!
Wiz: The benefits of Pepsiman's powers give him the ability of being athletically fit, being almost invincible and of course, making cans of Pepsi out of thin air.
Boomstick: Dumbest. Power. Ever. What if he comes across some bad guys or somethin'?
Wiz: He turns their weapons to Pepsi and the day is saved.
Boomstick: Am I missin' somethin'? There some kinda Pepsi thing goin' on?!
Wiz: Boomstick, calm down. Here, have a Pepsi.
Boomstick: Fine. AUGH! This... this ain't Pepsi! This somethin' else, it's Crystal Pepsi! It tastes old an' it's flat!! Holy crap!
Wiz: Oops. Where did that come from?
Boomstick: YOU!!
Wiz: Wait!
Boomstick: Not you, Wiz! Him, behind you! PEPSIMAN.
Wiz: What the-- Why are you here?!
Pepsiman's tape recorder: Hello Wizard and Boomstick. As this battle is involved with Pepsiman, I will be taking over from here. If you have covered his origin, I will cover his powers.
Thanks to Pepsiman's biology, he has superhuman strength, speed and durability.