Chell vs. Gordon Freeman

Chell vs. Gordon freeman

opening 

Boomstick: I don't know... there's just something I like about silent people with guns...

Wiz: and today we're going to compare two of the most famous ones

Boomstick: like Chell, the mute human test subject from portal

Wiz: and Gordan Freeman, the silent survivor from half-life.

Boomstick: he's wiz and I'm boomstick.

Wiz: And today we're here here to test their weapons, armor and skill to see who would win a DEATH BATTLE.

Chell

Wiz: the Aperture science enrichment center was a facility that studied and invented innovative products, and also conducted testing.

Boomstick: on who? Hobos?

Wiz: actually, earlier on, yes. Anyways, then the people at aperture science wanted to create a fully intelligent A.I that controls aperture science, by the name of GLaDOS. Or genetic life from and disk operating system if you really want to be scientific.

Boomstick: but like in any case in this scenario, something went wrong and GLaDOS spread deadly neurotoxin all over the facility killing everyone in the damn place. And conveniently, the event just-so happened to be on bring your daughter to work day.

Wiz: except there were two survivors: Doug rattan, and more importantly, the silent main protagonist of the series, chell

Wiz: Chell wakes up in the beginning of portal as a test subject

Boomstick: even though she's the only one basically still alive.

Wiz: so Chell goes through 19 test chambers during this game, with the help of the handheld portal gun, which can shoot portals on walls covered in a special conversion gel.

Boomstick: wait... this gun doesn't fire any bullets? What a rip-off...

Wiz: yes, true, but it can do some very unique stuff. With it, you can force your opponent into an endless drop through portals, hide from most kinds of danger by basically teleporting, and you can carry objects through the portals, and you can even pick up almost anything with it. It also comes with a pair of long fall boots, which explains why Chell can fall an incredibly great height, and still be absolutely fine.

Boomstick: hmm... I guess that is pretty legit!

Wiz: so other than that, let's go to Chell's strengths. Chell has survived being shot a lot of times by the aperture science sentry turrets, and has even survived being in outer space in 0g, but only for about 20 seconds, as seen at the end of portal 2. Chell has also been known to have an incredible IQ, being one of the smartest test subjects GLaDOS has ever had.

Boomstick: woaw! I don't think anyone can get as badass than this!

Wiz: but Chell does have some weakness, if Chell lost her portal device, it would have an incredibly great effect on her in battle.

Boomstick: well, at least she could still have DAT ASS!

Wiz: dont. Just don't.

Boomstick: okay, fine. Now where is my cake?

Gordan Freeman

Wiz: Back before the guy we know today, Gordan Freeman was once just a scientist who joined work at the black mesa facility

Boomstick: which is basically just a more boring version of aperture science...

Wiz: sort of... his interest was in teleportation, but one day, something went incredibly wrong.

Boomstick: as usual...

Wiz: a rip in the space time continuum caused aliens to come down to earth, kill almost everyone in the black mesa facility, and basically caused an apocalypse.

Boomstick: and one of the survivors just so happens to be Gordon freeman.

Wiz: Gordan Freeman has fought off and killed many aliens, including that races leader: the nihilanth.

Boomstick: Aaaaaand.... then comes half life 2.

Wiz: where a new race comes to earth and threats an even greater danger, the combine.

Boomstick: and I've seen Gordon freeman fight off these disgusting creatures with some badass equipment!

Wiz: yes, the most popular being the crobar.

Boomstick: awww...seriously? I was hoping for an ACTUAL GUN!!!

Wiz: well, this crobar seems...different...since it is actually used to kill a lot of aliens and zombies that have been caught by the headcrabs. Another vital weapon includes the gravity gun.

Boomstick: ooh yeah a gun! Finally!

Wiz: like the portal gun, it is able to pick up very heavy objects and defy gravity. It can also launch those objects kinda far.

Boomstick: GOD DAMNIT!!!!

Wiz: other weapons include a couple of guns

Boomstick: Finally!!!

Wiz: such as the sub machine gun, the 357 magnum, the crossbow, rpg, shotgun, 9mm, grenades, and a few more.

Boomstick: now that's what I'm talking about!

Wiz: Gordon freeman also has some equipment that can help him jump farther and improve defense. But even equipment like that can break under certain circumstances. And unlike Chell, Gordon freeman  can not handle big falls.

Boomstick: but despite that, he's still an excellent alien fighting guy!

intermission

(Scene starts in aperture science)

Chell is sitting in a test chamber with a companion cube.

Suddenly, Gordon freeman breaks through the wall and knocks the companion cube into an incinerator.

Chell, really mad, gets up with her portal gun, ready to fight.

Gordon freeman does the same.

FIGHT!!!

Gordon freeman gets out a shotgun, and tries to shoot at Chell. The first bullet hits Chell, while she runs across the room, dodging the others.

Then Chell shoots a portal right behind Gordan and where Chell is, jumps through it, and kicks Gordan in the back of the head. Then she picks him up with the portal gun, smashes him into a nearby pipe, causing some orange speed gel to spill on the floor, then drags Gordon's face along the floor while on the speed gel, then let's go, making Gordon smash into a wall.

Getting up, Gordon gets out a 9mm and shoots at Chell multiple times. She dodges immediately, revealing a portal behind her and one behind Gordon, making Gordon shoot himself in the back, which seems to do little damage.

Gordon freeman then targets Chell again, but this time, he runs on the speed gel, catching Chell with the gravity gun, smashes her into a wall, then onto a button.

But the button activates a turret to drop in the room.

It said: "there you are" and shot tons of bullets at Gordon freeman, most of them deflected by the armour, but some seemed to do just a little bit of damage.

Chell then picks up the turret and throws it at Gordon, with the turret shouting "hey! Please put me down!". It smashes into Gordon freeman with a "CLANG," knocking him to the ground.

While Gordon was trying to get back up, Chell finds a bunch of aperture science storage cubes, then shoots portals so that a bunch of cubes all fall on top of Gordon. He manages to get out of the huge pile.

Furious, Gordon gets out the sub machine gun, and starts shooting at Chell, she was hit a few times, making her flinch, but the others she dodges quickly by running.

Gordon freeman then gets out and throws a grenade at Chell, but she quickly shoots portals above Gordon and where the grenade would land, making the grenade explode right on Gordon freeman, damaging his armour a lot.

Gordon then throws a second grenade, but this time on the floor beneath them, making it break beneath their feet.

When they land in another test chamber after their great fall, Chell seems to be fine, but Gordon seems severely injured by the fall, but he just manages to get out his crossbow, and shoots it at Chell, making her drop her portal gun, which Gordon picks up, seeing an advantage to shoot a portal to the moon.

He does it, and both of them are sucked in the nearby portal.

Chell is holding onto some testing material, while also holding onto Gordon freeman, who almost looks like he's going to pass out, but he just manages to use his long jump device to launch him and Chell out of the portal, and just before he drops it, closes the portal on the moon.

Both out of breath, and Gordon unable to move due to his injuries, Chell gets back her portal gun, and picks up Gordon with it, and holds him over an opened incinerator, making all of his equipment drop into the fiery pit, and threatening to drop him in.

With no other choice, Gordon tries to jerk backwards, causing Chell to be pulled forward, making both of them fall into the incinerator, burning them both to death.

DOUBLE K.O!!!

results

Boomstick: WOAH! now THAT is what I call a fight!

Wiz: due to the info we've gathered, the results were pretty much even.

Boomstick: Gordon freeman obliterated Chell on the offensive side, with all of his deadly weapons and and combat skill...

Wiz: but Chell has an equalized intelligence, and is more defensive, and with a portal gun, you can do pretty much anything, making it actually really deadly.

Boomstick: plus, she's survived being shot multiple times by the sentry turrets, being in space for about 35 seconds, and being in a room filled with neurotoxin for 5 minutes! JEEZ! And it is obvious that NO ONE can survive that long!

Wiz: apparently, Chell can. And don't forget, Gordon freeman was once an advanced scientist, making his I.Q level just about match up with chells.

Boomstick: now that that's over...if you'll excuse me...I'm going to eat some cake!

Wiz: ladies and gentlemen...we have a tie.

next time

Boomstick: next time on death battle...

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Bill cipher: remember! Reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram buy gold bye!!!

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???: please welcome...master of dimensions...pleaser of crowds...I am Dimentio!