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Captain Planet VS Bibleman
Planetbibleman
Season 1, Episode 6
Vital statistics
Air date July 22, 2015
Written by Darth_Mallen
Directed by Darth_Mallen
Episode guide
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Captain Planet VS Bibleman is the upcoming 6th episode of Darth_Mallen's Death Battle. It will feature Captain Planet from Ted Turner's Captain Planet and the Planeteers and Bibleman from the self-titled series by B&H Kids.

Description[]

Two preachy-ass kids show heroes battle to show that at least one of them is anywhere near cool!

Interlude[]

Boomstick: The 90s....they had some crappy shows! But these two take the preachy shows that nobody liked and kicked them into high gear, boring the senses out of kids all over the world!

Wiz: Captain Planet, defender of the environment.

Boomstick: And Bibleman, soldier for God. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it' our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Captain Planet[]

Wiz: The year was 1990. The world was being polluted by mega corporations for monetary gain. The goddess of the Earth, Gaia, sensed the planet's suffering and released 5 magical rings to 5 continents of the world.

Boomstick: These rings would fall into the hands of, who else, a bunch of teenagers who should have better things to do with their time! These kids somehow united and by combining their powers of earth, wind, fire, water and....heart....most useless power ever, they summoned the bright blue, green haired superhero known as Captain Planet.

Wiz: The Captain launched a full blown crusade to rid the world of any and all pollution, and protect all the world's natural resources. Along the way he taught lessons about drugs, gang warefare and....AIDS...

Boomstick: He was already boring enough talking about the environment, why make it uncomfortable too?

Wiz: As well as having control of the elements already listed, even heart however that might work, he can also fly, absorb and fire energy blasts, shapeshift, has incredibly heightened senses and can communicate with animals.

Boomstick: He's kind like a cross between Superman and Aang the Avatar, moreso Superman since he also is powered by solar energy. He also has superhuman strength, capable of stopping an asteroid the size of Kansas hitting the earth, and lifting a power plant full of toxic chemicals.

Wiz: And he can move at superhuman speeds, able to fly from Europe to Africa in mere seconds. With these incredible powers he has battled several "Eco-Terrorists", including Hoggish Greedly, Dr. Blight, Dr. Five Eye, and his evil doppelganger Captain Pollution.

Boomstick: Who is powered by the five evil rings of deforestation, super radiation, smog, toxics and hate. And speaking of evil stuff, Captain Planet's only weakness is the very pollution he fights to destroy. Should he get surrounded in smog or covered in grime, he'll power down and eventually die.

Wiz: But with the power of the world at his hands, Captain Planet has overcome several foes and terrible quality kids shows for 6 years, somehow proving that he is the solution, not the polution.

Boomstick: Ugh...

Captain Planet: The power is yours!

Bibleman[]

Wiz: Miles Peterson was a wealthy, successful man. But despite his status he felt an emptiness in his life. Miserable and alone, Miles turned to the Bible for answers. Inspired by the words of the Lord he vowed to spread the word.

Boomstick: Oh, not by preaching on a soap box and giving sermons on street corners, he decided to fight crime and defeat evil as the holy warrior, Bibleman.

Wiz: Along the way he battled some pretty bizarre villains like Dr. Decepto...

Boomstick: Who Bibleman didn't even beat, apparently "God did the rest"...

Wiz: The Cheater...

Boomstick: Who's only crime is to get kids to cheat on tests...

Wiz: And Luxor Spawndroth...

Boomstick: Who's name is the only one in the show that sounds anywhere near cool. Throughout his adventures he gained some sidekicks including Biblegirl, of course, Coats and Cypher, all converted through Miles' preaching.

Wiz: Bibleman wears the Armor of God. Inspired by an actual passage from the Bible, the armor gives him superhuman strength and the power of teleportation. It protects him from harm and has a pretty cool suiting up animation when he needs it. He main weapon of choice is the Sword of the Spirit which is...

Boomstick: A lightsaber.

Wiz: ....yeah pretty much. And luckily for the villains of the show they also have their own lightsabers. But with it he spread the word of the Lord and overcame countless evils.

Boomstick: Question, how can kicking the asses of bad guys with a lightsaber and running around dressed like a Dollar Store Batman possibly spread the word of God? And on top of that, how did this show last not two, not three, but 15 years over 3 different shows?!

Wiz: Because I guess there aren't enough Christian superheroes. Regardless Bibleman is a master swordsman, an unrelenting fighter and a brilliant scientist and problem solver.

Boomstick: WHAT?! Scientist and preacher?! Those to words are major contradictions!

Bibleman: That's why they call me Bibleman!

DEATH BATTLE![]

The city, daytime. The Planeteers are walking down the street. They are then confronted by Miles Peterson.

Miles: Greetings young ones. May I have a moment of your time to talk about Christ?

Ma-Ti: No, we're not religious. Can we talk to you about stopping pollution?

Miles: No, the Lord will fix the problems of this world, except if it's a Sunday. Ha ha ha!

The Planeteers just stare at Miles as he stares back with looks of disdain. Miles suddenly suits up with his "suit-up" animation. He is now full clad in the Armor of God as Bibleman.

Bibleman: It's time for Bibleman!

Wheeler: You've gotta be kidding me!

Bibleman: I'm a man in spandex. Do I look like I'm kidding?

Kwame: Planeteers, combine our powers! Earth!

Wheeler: Fire!

Linka: Wind!

Gi: Water!

Ma-Ti: Heart!

The Planeteers combine their rings and in a great blast, Captain Planet appears between the beams.

Cpt Planet: By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!

Bibleman: What in the Lords name is that?

Cpt Planet: I'm the guy who's gonna teach you a lesson about noise pollution!

FIGHT!

Planet and Bibleman trade punches but Planet picks up Bibleman, flies up and tosses him back down to the ground. Bibleman is quick to get up and ignites his Sword. When Planet flies back down for a shot, he teleports away. Planet stops and Bibleman appears behind him, getting a few sword slices in. Bibleman then punches him down but Planet is back quickly with flame breath but Bibleman teleports away again.

Cpt Planet: For Christ's sake, fight me like a man!

Bibleman: Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain!

Bibleman dives from the top of a building and onto Planet, bringing him down with a thud. Before Bibleman delivers a killing strike to Planet, he uses his hurricane breath to blow him away. Planet uses his power of magnetism to whip the sword out of Bibleman's hand and crushes it. Captain Planet then flies towards Bibleman and they trade massive blows before Planet pins him against a building, Crusifixion style.

Bibleman: You can't defeat me, I have been chosen by God!

Cpt Planet: I am a God, buddy.

Planet then grabs Bibleman's head and crushes his skull in an explosion of blood.

Cpt Planet: And the power is mine!

K.O.

Bibleman remains against the building and Captain Planet plants some trees along the street.

Conclusion[]

Boomstick: Damn, I wish that was in the show!

Wiz: Bibleman may by an excellent sword fighter and his Armor offered great protection for a while, Captain Planet trumped Bibleman in every way. He vast array of powers, superior speed and strength, and practically being a God was far more than Bibleman could handle.

Boomstick: The Captain was almost totally uneffected by Bibleman's attacks, as his only weakness is pollution. And I doubt the noise pollution of constant religious preaching is enough to keep him down. I guess Bibleman didn't have enough faith in his abilities.

Wiz: The winner is Captain Planet.

Next Time on Death Battle[]

A table in a dark room. A bow and a quiver full of arrows drops onto its left side. A lightsaber drops in the center of the table afterwards. Finally a wrestling championship belt and an assault rifle falls on the righthand side.

Trivia[]

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