| Captain Nazi vs. The Red Skull | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Season 3, Episode 6 | |
| Air date | July 25, 2018 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Demongo vs. Kai |
Next Kato vs. Mercy Graves |
Captain Nazi vs. The Red Skull is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Captain Nazi from DC Comics, and the Red Skull from Marvel Comics.
Description[]
They both claimed to be part of the “master race.” So, when they tangle, just who will master whom? We pit two Nazis against each other in a battle to the death!
Interlude[]
Boomstick: It all started back in the 1940s...yeah, yeah, I know, your parents weren’t even born then. Anyway, this madman got control of Germany, and decided to conquer the world.
Wiz: And, actually, he came surprisingly close. Part of what made Nazi Germany so powerful was the resourcefulness of its scientists.
Boomstick: Yeah, they created RPGs, and jet airplanes, and cruise missiles, and all sorts of crap.
Wiz: And, at least according to DC and Marvel Comics, they created supermen.
Boomstick: One of these supermen is Albrecht Krieger, a.k.a. Captain Nazi...I know, don’t laugh.
Wiz: And another is Johann Schmidt, better known as the Red Skull.
Boomstick: We’re bringing them together for a no-holds-barred battle to the finish.
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Captain Nazi[]
Wiz: Albrecht Krieger was born in Germany in the 1910s, and came of age during the chaos years of the 1920s and 30s.
Boomstick: His mother was a prostitute, and his father was a pimp. Daddy Dearest was also an abusive alcoholic who used to beat Krieger and his brother pretty much every day.
Wiz: An angry and emotionally scarred Krieger eventually found his way to the Nazi Party, where his ruthlessness brought him to the attention of Adolf Hitler himself.
Boomstick: Hitler had a supersoldier program underway, so he apparently picked Krieger as the best candidate. At that point, the bully Krieger ended, and mass-murdering Captain Nazi began.
Wiz: Captain Nazi was a regular foe of Shazam, and later became the bane of such heroes as Batman, Wonder Woman, and the Justice Society of America.
Boomstick: Captain Nazi has a pretty impressive list of abilities. He’s super-strong, has superhuman speed and stamina, he’s able to shrug off most attacks, he can fly and he can even regenerate lost body parts. He is, more or less, a bargain-basement Superman.
Wiz: To make things even worse, over the years, he has only grown stronger. When he lost his eyes during a fight with Catman, he regained them in an inordinately short time. Even Wonder Woman has stated that Captain Nazi is now stronger than he was earlier.
Boomstick: This,,, guy has even claimed that he is not human, but the living avatar of Nazism. Then, he went on to fight Black Adam to a standstill, something he could not do before.
Wiz: Yes, he’s a formidable opponent. In a fight with the JSA, Krieger thrashed just about all the members, and it took the combined efforts of Damage, Hourman and Liberty Belle to bring him down. So, don’t sell him short.
Boomstick: He’s Nutzi, but he’s no push-over!
The Red Skull[]
Wiz: Johann Schmidt was born in1899, in a small German village to an abusive, alcoholic father...
Boomstick: I’m seeing a pattern emerging here.
Wiz: ...and a mother, who died in labor.
Boomstick: Daddy Dearest blamed little Johann for his wife’s death, and tried to drown him in a handy water basin, but the attending doctor saved his life. A few days later, the father killed himself, leaving Schmidt a ward of the broken down German state.
Wiz: Schmidt grew up tough and mean, and one day he met Adolf Hitler in a hotel. Hitler was so impressed with the hatred that he saw in the man’s eyes that he decided to take him under his wing, and make him into the very symbol of Nazism.
Boomstick: Hitler had his own supersoldier program, and when an experiment was run on Schmidt, it turned him into the Red Skull.
Wiz: Though this did not grant Schmidt any “superpowers,” it did make him stronger and faster, and a lot smarter.
Boomstick: That’s right, he formed his own empire within the Nazi empire, HYDRA, a technological research group supposedly created to invent superweapons for the German Army. However, there was more to HYDRA than even the Nazi hierarchy suspected, and they eventually realized that they had no control over HYDRA or the Red Skull.
Wiz: All that came to a head, when that star-spangled superhero, Captain America, fought his way into the Skull’s headquarters and seemingly killed him. But, sadly, he was not dead, only placed into some sort of super-coma. He was reawakened by agents of the terrorist group, Advanced Idea Mechanics, or AIM, and he resumed leadership of HYDRA.
Boomstick: Cap was still around as well, and he was not about to let his old nemesis run amok. So he fought the Red Skull, and the Red Skull was finally given the dirt nap that he so richly deserved.
Wiz: But even that was not the end of Johann Schmidt. It seems that the Nazi scientist Arnim Zola had prepared a clone of Captain America, and transferred Schmidt’s psyche into it. The Red Skull was reborn with even more power.
Boomstick: And since Steve Rogers had blond hair and blue eyes, Schmidt was tickled pink with his new “Aryan” body. Now, he goes on, fighting Captain America, and just about everyone else who gets in his way – good guys and bad guys.
Wiz: The Skull has the physical powers of Captain America, which makes him a formidable fighter. And more, he’s a master planner who out-thinks his opponent, sometimes even using Captain American to put his opponent down.
Boomstick: But, Old Red is not above doing his own dirty work. He loves weapons, and even has a trick cigarette that fires his own patented “Dust of Death.” When someone inhales it, the flesh on their head shrivels and turns red, their hair falls out...and then they die.
Wiz: Though he’s not faster than a speeding bullet, and not more powerful than a locomotive, the Red Skull is a powerful villain, and a non-stop thorn in the side of the Avengers.
Boomstick: He may look like a joke, but cross him, and you’ll die laughing...or coughing your life out, or whatever.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Pre-Fight []
The Red Skull walked along the battlements of his castle, his mind whirling with his most recent plans. He had outmaneuvered Magneto, but now he needed to move forward, to capitalize on his advantage.
Suddenly, he jumped and turned when an automated ground-to-air missile launcher fired. His eyes trailed the missile from the castle’s turret up off into the distance, where the missile exploded. The Red Skull nodded, and then suddenly the launcher fired another missile, and a similar launcher on another turret also fired in the same direction.
The two missiles detonated, and suddenly every missile launcher on the castle began firing.
The Red Skull strained his eyes looking at the cloud of smoke that marked missile’s target, but he could see nothing.
“Cease firing!” he yelled.
The launchers fell silent.
Now the Red Skull got his first look at the intruder. He cursed softly.
The flying man flew up to edge of the castle’s battlement, and turned up, ending his flight hovering before the Red Skull.
Captain Nazi brushed some imaginary dust off his arms and then looked at the Skull.
< Always the perfect host, Herr Schmidt. You always know how to make a man feel welcome, >* he said. * Translated from German.
<Krieger, what are you doing here?> the Red Skull demanded.
Captain Nazi straightened up to his full height. he announced.
<Summon me for what?> the Red Skull demanded, his control on his temper being sorely taxed by this mental midget.
<It is time!> the Captain announced.
The Red Skull sighed and lowered his head, closing his eyes.
<It is time for the Fourth Reich! The enemies of the Aryan people are in disarray, and I am gathering the great heroes of our people – Baroness Blitzkrieg, Count Berlin, the White Dragon, Hunter...> Captain Nazi said, his voice growing quicker with excitement.
<Yes! Yes!> the Red Skull interrupted him. <But what has all this to do with me?>
<Baron Zemo told me where to find you,> Nazi announced.
< I will pay him back later,> the Red Skull muttered under his breath.
<We have already begun the rising, but we need your HYDRA organization to provide much needed foot soldiers for the battle.>
The Red Skull looked at the man, thinking that he had already lost what few brains he had ever had.
<You are a fool, Albrecht Krieger! You have always been a fool, and you will always be a fool!> he barked.
Captain Nazi looked genuinely stunned. <What do you mean, damn you?> he demanded.
<Your dreams of an Aryan empire are the garbage of yesterday. It was blasted onto the ash heap of history along with that fool, Adolf Hitler! He’s dead, and it’s dead. If you want to throw your life away on stupidity, then go ahead. But leave me out of it!>
During the Skull’s tirade, Nazi’s face turned redder and redder as he became angrier and angrier.
<You dare to speak ill of our beloved Fuhrer? I will grind you to paste! I will squash you beneath the soles of my boots!> Nazi roared.
<You have enough paste between your ears, dummkopf! Now go away!> the Skull roared back.
Captain Nazi screamed an inarticulate scream of anger, and flew at the Skull!
FIGHT! []
As he closed on the black-uniformed Red Skull, Captain Nazi’s arms wrapped around...nothing.
The Skull, sank back before the flying man, and went into a backward summersault. His feet came up, and propelled his opponent up and away, using his own momentum against him.
Captain Nazi flew in a circle, and flew down to the top of the castle. He landed on his feet and continued running towards the Skull, his right fist raised to deliver a titanic punch.
As he came close, the Red Skull raised his right knee, and shouted, <Intruder protocol Omega!> Then, be brought his foot down, and a metal trapdoor opened beneath him. He dropped from the astonished Captain’s sight, and the trapdoor closed.
Instantly, the missile launchers scattered across the castle’s battlements opened fire on Captain Nazi. He moved as fast as he could, dodging to the left and the right. Two missiles struck each other, and the resulting explosion tossed the Captain into the air.
He took control of his flight, and soared up into the air. He dodged missile after missile as they flew at him. They flew in great sweeping arcs as they guided back on him. He grabbed one as it went past, turned it, and released it at a missile launcher. The machine exploded, sending bits of metal and stone flying as the castle shuddered under the explosion.
He flew round and round, taking each missile and using it as his own weapon. Finally, he destroyed the last launcher and flew to the trapdoor that the Red Skull had disappeared through.
He crouched down, and shoved his fingers under the edge of the door. Then, he heaved and tore the door out of its frame. He tossed the door to the side, it spun away from the castle like a giant Frisbee.
Then, he jumped up, and let himself fall through the passage, pursing the man he now desperately wanted to kill.
Captain Nazi landed on the floor of a huge room. Off to the side were the Red Skull and a group of uniformed HYDRA soldiers, each one gripping HYDRA Assault Rifles.
<Now!> the Red Skull screamed. <Kill him!>
The soldiers opened fire, the energy blasts of their weapons converging on Captain Nazi. He cried out in pain as he was flung backwards into, and through, a stone wall.
Suddenly, he flew out of the hole.
The HYDRA soldiers fired, their energy blasts sizzling past the flying Captain. He zoomed at the Red Skull, who spun at the last minute, his hands grabbing Captain Nazi’s cape. He continued his spin, and finally released the cape, flinging the Captain into an arrowslit in the castle’s wall. The stone shuddered under the impact of the flying man, and exploded out, the Captain dropping from sight.
The HYDRA soldiers ran to look out of the hole in the wall, when suddenly Captain Nazi flew back in, bowling the soldiers over like tenpins.
Captain Nazi looked over at the Red Skull, when a sudden blast of energy struck him in the back, driving him to his knees. He rolled, and looked at his latest attacker – it was another Red Skull!
<What in the name of Friedrich Barbarossa?> he asked, but before he could even think, another Red Skull stepped from a doorway to the side and fired his Assault Rifle at him. The blast sent him rolling across the floor.
Captain Nazi launched himself into the air, and flew around the room. Five Red Skulls were scattered around the room, all trying to shoot him down.
The Captain flew into each one, sending him flying. Finally, he grabbed one, and flew into a wall. The Red Skull shattered into pieces: arms and legs, gears and wires and bits of metal. It was a robot! He looked at the pieces in astonishment.
Suddenly, a fusillade of energy blasts struck him, knocking him into the wall, and pinning him there.
Blood began to ooze from the Captain’s nose and ears. His view of the world became blurry.
Acting more from instinct than anything, Captain Nazi grabbed the leg of the destroyed Red Skull robot, and came up swinging. He smashed first one robot and then another. Finally, he stood alone in the room, surrounded by shattered robots and unconscious and dying HYDRA soldiers.
Captain Nazi looked at the carnage around him, and then spat a wad of blood on the castle floor.
<Skull?!> he roared. <Where are you, you traitor? Coward! Enemy of all we once held dear!>
Suddenly, another Red Skull stepped in through a doorway. But, instead of holding a weapon, this one was calmly fitting a cigarette into the end of a holder.
< I am right here, Krieger. There is no need to shout,> he said calmly.
Captain Nazi advanced on the Red Skull menacingly. <Enough tricks, Schmitt! You will join the Fourth Reich now, and bring your HYDRA personnel into the fold! Now!> he yelled.
Waiting until he was almost on top of him, the Red Skull calmly raised the cigarette holder to his mouth, and blew. A red dust flew out of the end of the pseudo-cigarette, right into Captain Nazi’s face.
The Captain looked astonished, and took a big breath. Suddenly, his eyes bulged, and his hands flew to his throat. He gagged and gasped for air, his face turning bright red. He stumbled to his left, and then collapsed onto his knees, coughing and retching on the floor.
<And so ends yet another failed Reich,> the Red Skull calmly announced. He pulled the pseudo-cigarette out of the holder, and fitted a real one in its place. He lit the end, and put the holder in his mouth.
He looked down at his opponent, put his foot against the man’s side, and pushed him over.
He crouched down over the fallen man, and gloated. <Hitler was a fool, and you were a fool, Albrecht Krieger. And now, you are both dead fools.> He snickered at his own joke.
Suddenly, one of Captain Nazi’s hands shot up, and grabbed the Red Skull by the throat. His coughing grew less, and the red began to drain away from his face.
Captain Nazi stood up with the squirming Red Skull in his grasp. He coughed and spat, and then put his other hand on the Skull’s throat as well, lifting the man into the air.
<Do you not remember the words of the philosopher, Johann Schmidt? “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I have survived the Joker Gas, so your gas could not overcome me,> he said through clenched teeth.
The Captain turned and spat again, and then he looked at the Skull. <As for you, race traitor, that which kills you is me!> He twisted the Skull’s neck. There was a horrible cracking sound, and the man went limp. Captain Nazi tossed his body off to the side with disdain.
K.O.! []
<Blitzkrieg!> Captain Nazi yelled.
There was a blur, and suddenly the yellow-suited speedster, Baroness Blitzkrieg, appeared before the Captain.
<Find whoever’s in charge around here,> he ordered. <We must let them know that they are under new management!>
Quick as a flash, Baroness Blitzkrieg disappeared out the door.
<Today, HYDRA! Tomorrow, the world!> He roared in triumph.
Results[]
Boomstick: Well, it looks like the...uh, worst man won.
Wiz: And, in truth, the more powerful man won. You see, the Red Skull is a super-soldier, but he is aware of his limitations. As such, he often relies on more powerful individuals to do his fighting for him, or tricks his opponents into fighting more powerful opponents.
Boomstick: He did hit his most powerful when he acquired Iron Man’s armor, which he combined with the Cosmic Cube, making him the Cosmic Skull. However, he did not keep it long, and soon went back to being just the Red Skull.
Wiz: Captain Nazi, on the other hand, has only grown more powerful over the years, growing stronger with each setback that did not kill him. Indeed, during the events of The Next Age, he took on Hawkman and Alan Scott/Green Lantern, and beat both of them into unconsciousness.
Boomstick: In contrast, old bone head, just doesn’t have the power, and in this fight he just could not bring in anyone with the power to overcome his opponent.
Wiz: He still had his marvelous intelligence and raw cunning...
Boomstick: But, in the end, it just wasn’t enough for him to come out...ahead.
Wiz: That’s right, for better or for worse, the winner is Captain Nazi.
Next Time[]
Next time on Death Battle! Two chauffeurs battle to the death, when we present Kato vs. Mercy Graves!
Poll[]