Description[]
Heroes of Red, Blue and Yellow with the most famous names for their punches go toe to toe! Who will win?!
Intro[]
Wiz: In this day and age, we tend to look for heroes who stand before us and think about the right things to do.
Boomstick: Plus, these guys always scream their catchphrases before they attack. Dummies.
Wiz: Captain Falcon, the high-flying pilot of F-Zero.
Boomstick: And All Might, the number one hero of My Hero Academia!
Wiz: I'm Wizard, this is Boomstick and it's our job to analyze their armor weapons and skills to see who would win a Death Battle!!
All Might[]
Wiz: Much like many heroes of the past, they will pass on and give their legacy to the next generation.
Boomstick: People for some honest to heav'n reason get some really stupid superpowers. But not ev'ryone got bad powers. Nah. There's one who's got the best power.
Wiz: Well, not everyone has stupid powers. One of the greatest heroes was the legendary hero: All Might. With his mighty presence, the whole world felt safe under his protection. There was no one unlike him.
Boomstick: Before we get to the big guy's perty sweet powers, where'd he come from?
Wiz: I am glad you asked, so buckle up. We're in for a lot of backstory. Here we go: Young Toshinori Yagi always dreamed of becoming a superhero. One day, his wish came true in the form of Pro Hero, Nana Shamura.
Boomstick: He told 'er bout how he wanted to be a hero and she granted a wish like a... odd super-heroine genie.
Wiz: Nana's power came to her in the form of a quirk that could be shared to others, but gets stronger with each person chosen to carry the power, simply known as: One For All.
Boomstick: YEAH! All Might worked hard fer 'is power and was rewarded by becoming, the greatest Superhero, ALL MIGHT!
Wiz: With his influence, he inspired people to be kind to others and helped those all in need. With all that power, he needed a way to understand what his power could allow him to do, other than inflating his muscles like a balloon. He devised a series of battle moves named after--
Boomstick: The United States of America. I mean, at the moment. All Might uses a bunch a moves like the Texas Smash, Oklahoma Smash, California Smash, Carolina Smash, Missouri Smash, Detroit Smash, New Hampshire Smash and the best one of all: THE UNITED STATES OF SMASH.
Wiz: Much like their respective States, each punch does things that are similar to their namesakes, such as the Texas Smash and the Oklahoma Smash. When All Might does each punch, they both create tornado like winds. Not exactly a coincidence considering that both States are located in Tornado Alley.
Boomstick: Wait, what 'bout a Louisiana or Florida Smash? Ain't that like a hurricane?
Wiz: Well, we don't know, there is not a Louisiana or Florida Smash. But speaking of weather-related disasters, the Detroit Smash can change the weather.
Boomstick: Wonder how he figured out that one. Hmm...
Wiz: Don't worry, he found out about what he could do in a safe, controlled area.
Boomstick: Like a school gym?
Wiz: No. Maybe. I don't know.
Boomstick: I'm gonna say he figured it out in a cabin in the woods.
Wiz: Oddly specific. Moving on, All Might used his power to help those who could not help themselves in such ways as:
- Defeating several villains in two seconds,
- Punched Nomu into the atmosphere with a single punch,
- Overpowered Nomu's regeneration factor with over three hundred punches,
- Defeated Wolfram,
- Survived one of Katsuki Bakugou's explosions,
- Fought off three Nomus with an Oklahoma Smash,
- Took care of three crimes in an hour,
- Was trapped in a metal cube stabbed by giant metal spikes
- And created an explosion that was equal to a nuclear explosion.
Boomstick: Holy crud. That's friggin awesome!
Wiz: That final one is the United States of Smash, a move that All Might uses as a final weapon. Think of it as an incredible amount of power that no person should have.
Boomstick: So why's this pipsqueak got it?
Wiz: Because he seemed trustworthy.
Boomstick: If ya say so.
Wiz: But alas, All Might isn't entirely invincible much like his American counterpart, Superman. When he was injured by All For One, he became severely underpowered and could only use One For All for about three hours a day if All Might was lucky. In fact, when he used the United States of Smash, All Might lost his power.
Boomstick: But thanks to that power bein' able to spread to others, he gave his quirk to the most worthy person who could do what All Might could do, but better: Izuku Midoriya.
Wiz: Even with all of that, All Might still lives on as a hero who protects others and saves the day.
Captain Falcon[]
Boomstick: Ya know, racin' games seem kinda lame. All ya do is go around and go right to left.
Wiz: Fighting games do the same.
Boomstick: But yer beatin' somebody up by doin' the splits and givin' yer opponent a shot in the pills.
Wiz: Come on, there's racing games that aren't bad, like F-Zero.
Boomstick: Ya ever seen Speed Racer? Well, what if they were usin' hover cars?!
Wiz: The world is nothing but a dangerous race where you could lose everything in a small mistake. One of the best racers in this battle of strategy and speed is none other than Captain Falcon.
Boomstick: Aww yeah, now we're getting in the good stuff now. Captain Falcon is friggin' awesome! He's like the Terminator if he had a car!
Wiz: The Terminator had a car.
Boomstick: Oh. If the Terminator had a hovercar?
Wiz: Better. Little is known about Captain Falcon in his city of Port Town, particularly the version we're using.
Boomstick: Which one are we usin'?
Wiz: Well, the first one of course.
Boomstick: Sounds good.
Wiz: But we don't know that much about him.
Boomstick: Son of a glitch.
Wiz: While having won F-Zero three times, Captain Falcon is a part time bounty hunter, taking down criminals who work for the Black Shadow, a criminal mastermind who wants to conquer the universe.
Boomstick: 'Cause why not?
Wiz: To combat this threat, Captain Falcon has a list of specific fighting moves to help him become the bounty hunter we know and love him as today.
Boomstick: He's got moves like the Falcon Dive, Raptor Boost, the super-duper fast Falcon Kick and the FALCON! PUNCH!
Wiz: AUGH!
Boomstick: Heh. Lightweight. Wiz, ya alright? Blink if ya can her me. He's okay. Falcon ain't alone with his moves. He can make fire out of thin air!
Wiz: Captain Falcon doesn't seem to move fast enough to literally create fire out of thin air, so Pyrokenisis isn't out of the question.
Boomstick: Falcon's also got an awesome racin' machine that puts all the Batmobiles to shame. He's got the Blue Falcon!
Wiz: The Blue Falcon can move up to 1100 kilometers per hour (+500 more kilometers with a boost) and has one of the most strangest engines, because it's powered by a piece of the Big Bang!
Boomstick: Welp, he ain't got to pay fer gas. That's a plus.
Wiz: True, but why would someone use pieces of the Big Bang to use on race cars instead of something else, like renewable energy or maybe space travel?
Boomstick: Wiz, there's a perfectly good reason. RACIN' HOVER CARS!
Wiz: Is there literally no reason to use this energy other than racing?
Boomstick: I don't think ya heard me. RACIN HOVER CARS!
Wiz: Answer the question!
Boomstick: Alright, it's kinda stupid alright?
Wiz: Thank you. With all of these powers and his Blue Falcon, the Captain has not only won the F-Zero tournament three times, but has:
- Defeated and annihilated Black Shadow,
- Took out R.O.B. with a Falcon Punch,
- Instantly destroyed two different robots,
- Stalemated in a fight against Blood Falcon,
- His clone ripped a metal cage to shreads,
- Saw a sniper shot many miles away,
- In one tenth of a second had destroyed 3 robots
- And has defeated the Creators in a race.
Boomstick: He's friggin' awesome. There's nothin' that can stop 'im.
Wiz: Well, he's not equipped for long range attacks aside from a pistol he carries and he's not one who uses stealth.
Boomstick: Ha. Who needs stealth when ya got the FALCON! PUNCH!
Wiz: AHH!
Boomstick: Get back here! That's two fer squealin'.
Alright, the combatants are set, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE[]
(At the start of the F-Zero race, All Might stretches while Captain Falcon makes sure that the Blue Falcon is working. News Reporters ask questions of who will win the fight.)
All Might: I believe that it doesn't matter who wins, along as we all have fun.
Captain Falcon: Don't get cocky. Inflatable muscles won't get ya far.
(All Might turns and gets really close to Captain Falcon.)
All Might: I am here, standing really awkwardly close to you! Let's show some sportsmanship and I must say that you have such a fine vehicle!
Captain Falcon: Thanks.
Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S GET READY!
(All Might gets into a running pose, while Captain Falcon climbs into the Blue Falcon and gets ready at the starting line.)
3...
2...
All Might (Whispering): Come on, my back's killing me...
Captain Falcon: Get used to it, old man.
1!!
FIGHT![]
(They both start running down the course when All Might grabs the Blue Falcon and rides on it down for a bit. All Might jumps off and does a New Hampshire Smash to launch himself in the air, ahead of Captain Falcon. Blasting the Blue Falcon to the runway, Captain Falcon chases All Might with malicious intent. The smiling hero continues to run turns to see the Blue Falcon closing in on him. Stopping for a quick second, he punches the hover car with the Missouri Smash and continues to run at an insane pace. Captain Falcon continues to chase him, refusing to give up. All Might's smile shines as he jumps, but then he sees Captain Falcon closing in on his next landing position. Captain Falcon spins his vehicle to try and slice the smiling hero into pieces. All Might stands on top of the Blue Falcon and he punches it with a Texas Smash, which causes the vehicle to flip twice and land back on it's bottom side. Falcon puts the Blue Falcon on auto pilot and climbs out to see All Might clinging for dear mercy.)
All Might: I AM HERE! CLINGING FOR MY LIFE!
Captain Falcon: Get off.
(Captain Falcon goes to fire upon All Might, but the gun is suddenly taken away from him and is destroyed by All Might. Pulling back his fist, All Might tries to punch him with a Detroit Smash, but Falcon kicks him and All Might ends up caught on the front of the Blue Falcon. Captain Falcon tries to finish him off but All Might performs the Carolina Smash the vehicle, wrecking it. The explosion causes All Might to get blown across the track. He gets back up to see Captain Falcon getting out of the Ejection Seat. Captain Falcon cracks his knuckles and charges at All Might, cracking a punch across his face then kicks him in the chest with the Falcon Kick multiple times. All Might tries to throw another punch, but Captain Falcon starts to get the upper hand when he wraps both of his arms around All Might's waist. To rid All Might of this annoying guy, he does an Oklahoma Smash and literally shakes him off. When Captain Falcon lands, he gets up and charges at All Might. He then peforms the Raptor Boost on All Might, who runs right behind his literally blazing opponent and punches him with a Texas Smash, which knocks Captain Falcon off of his feet. All Might then runs up to his opponent and charges after Captain Falcon and after dodging another Raptor Boost, he does a somersault and peforms a California Smash on Captain Falcon, which blasts him almost off of the track entirely. Captain Falcon charges at All Might and uses the Falcon Dive on him, but nothing hurts All Might.)
All Might: What? Was that suppose to tickle?
Captain Falcon: That was suppose to hurt, but looks like I'll have to use my final measure.
All Might: Ha! I'm nowhere near my full power!
(Captain Falcon charges at All Might, while preparing to use the Falcon Punch.)
Captain Falcon: FALCON!
(Pulling back his right hand, he throws his fist and hits All Might in the chest.)
Captain Falcon: PUNCH!!
(The punch lands on his chest and causes a huge explosion. But when it ends and the dust settles, All Might is still alive with Captain Falcon's punch in his chest.)
All Might: I AM HERE! AND I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS FIGHT!
(Grabbing Captain Falcon's arm, he releases a Detroit Smash on Captain Falcon, tearing him apart. Literally. But after that happened, All Might turns back into his normal form.)
All Might: Oof. Looks like a long walk for me.
Results[]
Boomstick: How do ya think he's gonna make it back?
Wiz: A lot of walking. But he does exercise in the Anime, so that's fair. Now, Captain Falcon did have several flaws that allowed All Might to win.
Boomstick: Now, Captain Falcon's a fighter, but All Might's Detroit Smash changed THE FRIGGIN' WEATHER while Falcon's Falcon Punch is just a tougher punch.
Wiz: But first, time for science to explain:
If we look at speed, Captain Falcon in the Blue Falcon could go around 1,600 kilometers per hour. Impressive? Yes, but All Might could run up to Mach 29! Even if he had slowed down to mach 1, he would still out race the Blue Falcon!
Boomstick: Ya gotta admit, there's a bit too much power on the one side. But in the end, it was an "All" mighty battle.
Wiz: The winner is All Might.