Description[]
RedDead35000
Fight for Justice!
Intro[]
Wiz: Honor for our friends, family and our country can make us very determined people.
Boomstick: Kinda gives ya an excuse to beat the stuffin' outta jerks we don't like.
Wiz: Steve Rogers, the heart of the American dream known as Captain America.
Boomstick: And Jonathan Joestar, the British vamp're slayer known as Jojo to 'is buddies.
He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to figure out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Captain America[]
UltraXmaster
Wiz: Born on July 4th 1920, Steven Rogers was born with the American dream imprinted in his heart.
Boomstick: Too bad his body just didn't get as big as the American dream.
Wiz: But Rogers felt it was his duty, no! His destiny to fight in the Second World War. Unfortunately, Rogers failed to meet the requirements of the United States army.
Boomstick: But ain't he got some dead parents , or somethin' right?
Wiz: Actually, yes. But they don't come into play in his story. At all.
Boomstick: Huh. Kinda weird if ya ask me.
Wiz: Because of Roger's small body, he barely made it as a soldier, until he was given the chance to show his worth.
Boomstick: Ya know them conspiracies 'bout the Nazis and the U.S. buildin' spaceships, super soldiers and all that jazz? Welp, there's some truth to that.
Wiz: The United States Government worked on a super soldier serum created by a German scientist who saw the potential in Rogers.
Boomstick: Now why would a scientist need some skinny wimp?
Wiz: Well, the reason is very strange because the serum changes your appearance if you're a good person or a bad person. For example: Red Skull was a bad person and turned into a... melted red skull.
Boomstick: Meanwhile, Rogers turned into a pacifist with the body of friggin' WWE fighter. Wait, does this stuff read his mind or some crazy schtick?
Wiz: Almost seems that way. After being transformed by the serum, a spy from the Nazi's Science division Hydra attempted to assassinate him and so Rogers took out the criminal. After that day, Rogers became the iconic symbol of hope that the United States needed in that time of darkness: Captain America.
Boomstick: 'MERICA!! MUCK YEAH!! COMIN' AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHA' MUCKIN' DAY YEAH! Captain America is friggin' Awesome! There's nothin' better! 'Cept beer. Ahh... The American Dream.
Ancient-One-And-Only
Wiz: With the help of the United States Government's Super Soldier Division: S.H.E.I.L.D., Rogers was given the equipment to help save the world multiple times.
Boomstick: Cap's best weapon is his famous shield, made from Vibranium... a fancy kinda metal?
Wiz: Actually, this two and a half foot long shield is made from Proto-Adamantium (The purist form of Adamantium stronger than average Adamantium.) and Vibranium.
Boomstick: Uhh... Science! I dunno.
Wiz: The shield can also absorb impacts from any attack, though in some instances it actually reflects. Again that makes sense because it also very aerodynamic.
Boomstick: Alright, ya lost me. Seriously, yer science mumbo jumbo ain't makin' sense.
Wiz: Oh, despite the shield being made of metal, it's like a giant frisbee. But far more dangerous.
Boomstick: Ah, okay. Now yer makin' sense.
Wiz: The shield (due to being made of Proto-Adamantium) can even block Wolverine's claws and blocks the Human Torch's fire at maximum temperature.
Boomstick: Can.. The shield cut Wolverine's claws off?!
Wiz: Yes. The shield (despite being made of metal) is resistant to Magneto's ferromagnetism.
Boomstick: So what... "hurts" the shield?
Wiz: Anything that can disrupt the molecular structure.
Boomstick:... Captain America once ran a mile in a minute and thirteen seconds!
Wiz: To put this in perspective, Hicham El Guerrouj ran the mile in 3 minutes and 43 seconds. In short, yes Captain America is almost three times faster than the fastest mile ran in the world.
Boomstick: Cap even lifted 1,100 pounds. The heaviest bench press was 'round 885 pounds, so Cap did better. Basically he's way stronger and faster than any man on earth.
Wiz: Thanks to Captain America, the United States was saved from the Nazis. But the Captain has done more for the freedom of the western world than we know, including:
- Holding up a crumbling building with his bare hands on two separate occasions,
- Mastered zero gravity in a few years whereas some needed decades of training for,
- Destroyed the torrent of a tank with a single throw of his shield,
- His reaction time is fast enough to beat Quiksilver,
- In a fight with Iron Fist (One of, if not the best martial artists in the Marvel Universe) Captain America fought him to a standstill,
- Took multiple hits from a very intense Iron Man,
- Fought the brother of Thanos, who took out She Hulk,
- Threw his shield into a moving missle,
- Survived a fight against Namor,
- Broke free from Honest John's mind control (Who could manipulate the mind of Thor),
- Held on a helicopter to keep it from leaving--
Friendlysociopath
Boomstick: This Captain America or friggin' Superman?
Wiz: Captain America.
- Rogers once fought 16 people in an elevator and won,
- Dodged gunfire and lasers at close range,
- Knocked out Deadpool with a single punch,
- Defeated Hydra Supreme (Who is literally him), Lady Deathstrike, Black Panther and his father,
- Wielded the Infinity Gauntlet without it corrupting him
- And he even held back Thanos, WITH THE INFINITY GAUNTLET for a short while, but still.
- Oh, and he even was worthy to lift Thor's hammer. Three times.
Boomstick: But even after all that, Cap still needs his shield. Heck, 'is legs are showin'! C'mon! That's a thing, right Wiz?
Captain America Lifts Thor’s Hammer
Bad-idea1203
Wiz: Yes. That weakness was exposed by Iron Man, who eventually ended up killing him. Plus his costume is a dead giveaway of his position.
Boomstick: But he's Captain friggin' America! He's gotta wear red, white 'n' blue!
Wiz: Captain America killed Richard Nixon. His body armor is EXTREMELY LIGHT, has lost fights to superior martial artists, DIED 11 TIMES and he even became a criminal in the eyes of the United States Government.
Boomstick: Wiz, the government is run by space monkeys with purple eyes and their really awful human costumes. Oh and HYDRA.
Wiz: Seriously?
Boomstick: Heck yeah. That's why Captain America is the most Patriotic muck-fathering son-of-a gun to this day.
Wiz: Here we go..
Boomstick: AMERICA! MUCK YEAH! COMIN' AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHA MUCKIN' DAY YEAH!!
Jonathan, "Jojo" Joestar[]
Der Purple Ist Dank
Wiz: The strangest things that have happened for horrible and bizarre reasons begin for simple, but yet for equally awkward reasons.
Boomstick: Yeah, the weird-as-heck adventures of Jojo all started... with a carriage wreck. So... all them zombies, magic not-genie soul people and really strange hairdos... started with some rich guy's carriage wreck?
Wiz: In 1869, a horse drawn carriage carrying British millionaire George Joestar, his wife and newborn child, crashed. The only survivors were none other than George and the baby, who was discovered by a couple thieves. George thanked them for their help in saving the life of his son. Twelve years later, the son of the thieves came to the Joestar estate to ask for their help. Instead of refusing the clearly evil human being, young Jonathan Joestar always tried to be a gentleman and accepted him with open arms. This was the day that a feud began that has gone on for more than a century. The battle between Jonathan Joestar and Dio Brando!
Boomstick: Wait, ya made a mistake.
Wiz: Oh, right! Sorry. The battle between Jonathan Joestar and DIO Brando!
Boomstick: There ya go. So then DIO wanted to get all that money from the Joestars that he decided to slowly poison Johnny's dad--
Wiz: Johnny is in part 7.
Boomstick: Ya know what I mean. Anywho, Jonathan found out, called the cops on 'is butt, but DIO still killed is adopted daddy with a big friggin' knife.
Wiz: The knife stabbed George's back, squirting blood that hit a mask that had the power to turn him into a vampire, so he could kill Jonathan once and for all.
Boomstick: Then ol' Jonathan beat the everlovin' stuffin' outta 'im and threw DIO into a statue with a spike and left 'im to die in a burnin' down mansion and almost died.
Wiz: Jonathan nearly died and met two people who would change his life and the world: his future wife, Erina Joestar and his Hamon trainer: William A. Zeppeli.
Gold1337
Boomstick: Now, what the heck is Hummus?
Wiz: That's Australian peanut butter.
Boomstick: Hubris?
Wiz: That's another word for ego. Hamon energy is unique. This energy is accessible via a special breathing technique which can be manipulated to manipulate objects that the Hamon is used on.
Boomstick: Can ya give an example?
Wiz: For example, Zeppeli punched a frog sitting on a rock with Hamon energy. Whereas the frog would explode in most situations, the Hamon traveled through the frog and split the rock down the exact middle. Impressed?
Boomstick: Maybe I need to get me some Hamon.
Wiz: You can't "get" Hamon. Either it's willingly transferred to you or you train for years to use it with your breathing. Does that make sense?
Boomstick: Yeah, I kinda get it. So he can only fight them blood suckin' vampires.
Wiz: Or the undead, so zombies, vampires etc. etc. They can be harmed by Hamon energy, to a fault but that's for another discussion.
Boomstick: So Hamon hurts not-dead people. Neat. So what's next? Welp, Jonathan and Zeppelin--
Wiz: Zeppeli.
Boomstick: Decided to go DIO huntin' with some help. So let's see what ol' Johnny doin' with them fancy powers!
Wiz: Again, Johnny is in part seven not one.
Boomstick: Ya know what I mean. With them Hamon stuff, he's mastered some special punches much like:
- Zoom Punch. Now here's a punch that's really awesome. He stretches 'is arm fer a longer punch.
Wiz: In short, the limbs in Jonathan's arm dislocate and stretch with the help of Hamon energy. This makes punching someone in the face much faster and easier.
- Then we have the Sendo Hamon Overdrive. This one is a tad complicated to explain simply. He can release a ripple of Hamon energy into a solid object such as a wall and would hit a target on the other side, much like what he did to Jack the Ripper. When used against the undead, Hamon energy enters them and blows them up. There is a version of this called the Metal Silver Overdrive that works on metal.
- Then we have the Scarlet Overdrive, where Jonathan transfers Hamon energy into his hand which creates fire in his hand and transfer the flame from one hand to the other and can burn anything he punches. Literally anything and everything. That is how DIO lost his body.
- Jonathan can even release multiple Overdrives with the Overdrive Barrage.
- Next we come to the Life Magnet Overdrive, where Jonathan and Zeppeli literally magnetized dead leaves with Hamon energy to make a hang-glider. This can even bring dead plants back to life and works on almost every single type of plant.
Boomstick:
- Now what we got here next is the... "Underwater Turquoise Blue Overdrive." Wiz? Need ya help figurin' out this science mumbo jumbo.
Der Purple Ist Dank
Wiz: The Underwater Turqoise Blue Overdrive is a move where he absorbs the oxygen from a giant pool of water with Hamon to create a giant punch that almost drained an entire lake.
Boomstick: Wait, water's got air in it?
Wiz: What do you think water's made from?
Boomstick: Water! Duh.
Wiz:... Oh my gosh. This brings us to the final Overdrive: The Sunlight Yellow Overdrive. This Overdrive is a powerful and charged attack that is as powerful AS THE SUN. Just one punch can obliterate the undead!
Boomstick: Hey, he makes perty good fighter. Why ain't he on Street Fighter?
Wiz: Don't worry, Capcom might make a 2-D Jojo game based on Phantom Blood. Moving on, Jonathan can even run on WATER, increases his strength and jumping and he could even heal his body.
Boomstick: What kinds of injuries, Wiz?
Wiz: He ejected snake poison out of his body and once healed his own broken neck with nothing but Hamon.
Boomstick: When'd he do that?!
Wiz: That was when he defeated Bruford and Tarkus with the help of a Hamon boost from Zeppeli. With the help of Hamon energy, Jonathan had done many that even Van Helsing and Blade could dream of:
- He pulled apart the metal collar that Tarkus and he were attached to with his bare hands. Tarkus (Even though he lifted AND DESTROYED a cliff with his pinky finger) was shocked and dumbfounded.
- After DIO froze his arms and legs, Jonathan still fought like nothing happened.
- Jonathan even decontaminated his body of Vampire fluids, thus making him immune to vampire blood with the help of Hamon.
- When he was shot with the Space Ripper Stingy Eyes, he survive it twice.
- And finally, Jonathan defeated DIO three different times: Once when they were children, again when DIO killed Jonathan's father and the third time was when Jonathan set his adopted brother's body on fire.
Sunlight Yellow Overdrive
Bad-idea1203
Boomstick: Hot dang. While he ain't the strongest Jojo, ol' Johnny--
Wiz: Jonathan.
must be one of the best. I mean, Jonathan does kinda put 'imself into danger fer the power of friendship. The power of friendship is bull. Guns and knifes are all the range nowadays.
Wiz: Don't forget, Hamon does have one weakness: If the Hamon user cannot keep a good breathing pace, Hamon will not work in his system. In Jonathan's case, Hamon wouldn't work most of the time and he does have a gentleman mindset where he is too kind, friendly and restricts himself.
Boomstick: But hey, if it ain't weren't fer 'im, we ain't got the Jojos and their Bizarre Adventures.
Wiz: True, while he lacks the strength that later Jojos, Jonathan has had the biggest impact on the other Jojos and maybe all of us as well.
Alright, The Combatants Are Set and IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE![]
(At a secret HYDRA base hidden under Wind Knight's Lot, a group of soldiers led by Arnim Zola carry a box containing the Time Stone and the Space Stone into a lab where Zola attempts to open a portal into the past.)
Zola: Hmm... Perhaps we shall go about.. one hundred fourty years into ze past? Then HYDRA will take over ZA WARUDO!!
Captain America: I don't think so, Zola!
Soundtrack: AMERICA!! (BLEEP) YEAH!! COMIN' TO SAVE THE MOTHER(BLEEP)IN' DAY YEAH!!
(Captain America throws his shield at the time machine to destroy it, but the destroyed device manages to create a single portal. The portal then brings in Jonathan Joestar out of nowhere. Confused, a HYDRA agent tries to tackle him but Jonathan punches his metal armor with the Metal Silver Overdrive. Seeing the opportunity to distract the Captain, Zola hypnotizes Jonathan and tricks him into thinking that Captain America is the villain.)
Jonathan: So, you are some kind of villain.
Captain America: No, wait! You're not seeing things right!
Jonathan: I will take you on myself, for my family's honor!
FIGHT![]
(Jonathan charges at Captain America, slamming his body into the shield and pushing the Captain back. He punches the shield and does a Metal Silver Overdrive. The Overdrive does what it's suppose to but has no effect on Captain America or his shield. Captain America then throws his shield and strikes Jonathan in the chest, throwing him into a wall. After that, the shield bounces off the wall to Jonathan's right side and Captain America catches it with his left hand. He then runs up to Jonathan who runs at him. At the last second, Captain America jumps down with his feet and uses his shield to knock out his legs and keep him down. He presses the shield against Jonathan's neck.)
Captain America: Stop this! Please!
Jonathan: Never!
(He releases a Sendo Hamon Overdrive on Captain America by pressing his hands on the shield. Captain America is blasted off of Jonathan and his shield flies into a different direction. Crashing into a wall, Captain America regains himself. Jonathan charges at him and goes in for a punch which Captain America blocks. But then he is punched with a Zoom Punch across his face, crashing him into the side wall. Getting up back on his feet, he runs up and tackles Jonathan slamming him into the wall. For a split second, Captain America runs and grabs his shield and throws it at Jonathan again. The shield strikes Jonathan in the chest and bounces into the ceiling, where the Captain grabs it and slaps Jonathan across the face with it. Then Jonathan infuses the entire room with Hamon doing another Metal Silver Overdrive, causing the entire lab to explode. The resulting explosion causes the ground in Wind Knight's Lot erupt and launches the two heroes into the air, Jonathan landing in a nearby lake and Captain America landing in a field of cabbage. Captain America in his torn-up costume gets up and finds his shield. He walks towards the lake Jonathan landed in only to not see his body anywhere. Taking a few steps into the water, Jonathan jumps up from behind and grabs Captain America, pulling him under the water. Wrapping his giant arm around Captain America's neck, he proceeds to use the Underwater Turquoise Blue Overdrive, with Hamon flowing around the two of them. Jonathan pulls back his other fist and punches Captain America in the back and blasts him into the water, draining part of the lake. He crashes into a pumpkin patch and gets up to fight Jonathan, who picks up a sword and uses the Life Magnet Overdrive on the pumpkins that become a net wrapping around Captain America. Struggling to escape, Captain America watches as Jonathan uses a Scarlet Overdrive on a sword, infusing the blade with fire. With the look of terror on his face and sweat dripping off his brow, Captain America pulls on the pumpkin vines and pulls while Jonathan goes to slice him with the sword. But the Captain pulls the vines and rips them apart with his shield, then he blocks the sword attack with his shield, whereas the sword would set the shield on fire, but the shield absorbs the energy from the blade. Captain America then punches Jonathan in the chest and throws his shield and cuts part of Jonathan's neck, causing him to bleed from his neck. With no other choice, he goes to use the Sunlight Yellow Overdrive. Captain America and Jonathan Joestar run at each other.)
Jonathan: SUNLIGHT!
Captain America: Don't push your luck!
Jonathan: YELLOW!
(Captain America charges with the shield in front of him.)
Jonathan: OVERDRIVE!
(Jonathan punches the shield violently infusing it with Hamon, but does nothing. Captain America pushes him away and kicks him down to the ground. Lifting the shield above Jonathan's neck, he separates his head from his body.)
Captain America: I'm sorry.
(Zola tries to escape with the Hydra soldiers but are stopped by Captain America, who jumps at them.)
Results[]
Boomstick: AMERICA!! MUCK YEAH! WALMART! YEAH! McDONALD'S YEAH!
Wiz: To be fair, Jonathan almost won.
Boomstick: Are ya kiddin'? Sure Cap ain't got the power of Hamon, but thanks to that super soldier juice, not only could he "see" faster, he beat ol' Jonathan in most catagories.
Wiz: True. Captain America outclassed Jonathan in strength, as shown when he kicked the Hulk--
Boomstick: Right in his scrote. Ouch. And that actually hurt 'im!
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DeathBattleDude
Wiz: And he out classed him in speed. At his fastest, Jonathan was around... Mach 4. Captain America on the other hand could keep up with Quicksilver, who's top speed clocked at around mach 4 to mach 5. Plus, Captain America's shield absorbs energy, which would mean the Hamon would do nothing to its structure, but the Hamon passing through it would do some damage.
Boomstick: What 'bout Jonathan's Hamon?
Wiz: Well, no. Hamon can hurt the undead. But that doesn't mean that Captain America couldn't be hurt, except Captain America has a HEALING FACTOR.
Boomstick: Let's just say this fight got Bizzare.
Wiz: The winner is Captain America.