| Cancer vs. Thrax | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Season Episode | 8 |
| Air date | 12/26/2021 |
| Written by | Koboldy |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Jill Valentine vs Aya Brea |
Next Specter Knight vs. The Beheaded |
Cancer vs. Thrax is Episode 8 of Koboldy’s Death Battles. It features Cancer from the Cells at Work anime/manga series, and Thrax from Warner Bros’ animated film Osmosis Jones.
Description[]
Cells at Work vs. Osmosis Jones! Two deadly viruses fight for control over their human host. Whoever wins, the body loses, but who will show themselves to be the more deadly strain?
Interlude[]
Wiz: The human body is a wonderful creation. So many little things come together to make up a living, breathing person.
Boomstick: Of course, sometimes shit goes REALLY BAD. Catch a deadly virus, and you can bet it’s going to run rampant on your ass!
Wiz: Cancer, the, well, uh, cancer cell.
Boomstick: And Thrax, the deadly, but unknown, virus that’s killed numerous infected by him.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win…a Death Battle.
Cancer[]
(Cells at Work! - Konokarada Wo Mamorutameni)
Wiz: The human body is generally pretty smart at keeping itself in check. White Blood Cells hunt down viruses, our nervous system acts as our command center of sorts, and overall makes us capable of doing all sorts of wonderful things.
Boomstick: But sometimes our bodies don’t do exactly what their programmed to do. “Oopsie-woopsies” as they’re called in medical terms, sometimes our body screws up and creates one f***ed up cell.
Wiz: Sometimes, our body even inadvertently creates the deadly disease: cancer.
Boomstick: This ain’t a health lesson though, and we aren’t talking about the tiny cancer cell blob!...I mean, we are, but also, we, uh-
Wiz: In Cells at Work, the human body is represented by a city. A city populated with civilians, which are the stand-ins for cells. Special operatives clad in white with pale skin that represent White Blood Cells, that deal with monsters-of-the-week that represent the deadly viruses that our body fights. And of course, the Cancer Cell was one such deadly disease represented in the series.
Boomstick: And hoo boy did he get represented! Having not one, but two full appearances that gave the body no end of trouble! Because, in the end, Cancer can’t really die. It can only be put down for an extended period of time. Not that that applies here, of course. He may come back like a year down the line, but hey, that’s future me’s problem.
Wiz: Cancer is one of the most deadly and powerful opponents that the White Blood Cell, Killer T Cell, and NK Cell had to deal with. Being able to bring down the equivalent to an apartment complex through him and his army of duplicated cancer cells or being able to morph his body to create wing-like appendages and, well, take flight.
Boomstick: Boomstick: Yeah, get used to the words “equivalent to” here. They’re tiny little cells, remember! And while they might use imagery that’s reminiscent to the stuff in our world, they are still just tiny little cells.
Wiz: Yet, ironically, Cancer is also one of the most tragic characters in the Cells at Work universe. Someone who became a cancer cell due to someone else’s error, in his own words “forced to flee from the cells who were supposed to be my friends”. Only White Blood Cell truly saw him as a fellow cell, which made him happy enough to choose to spare White Blood Cell’s life in their second meeting.
Boomstick:…why the f*** are they making feel bad for CANCER?!
Wiz: Regardless, the fact of the matter is, regardless of his lot in life, Cancer is a deadly opponent in every meaning of the word. He was able to stand toe to toe with all three of the aforementioned cells at once, meaning that while Cancer himself has not shown amazing speed feats of his own, he easily scales to the cells that are able to react to this universe’s equivalent of gun shots.
Boomstick: But, Cancer’s true strength lies in his ridiculous amount of abilities. As we mentioned before, Cancer can manipulate his body to create wings and take off like a fleshy, mutated bird. But there’s so much more that the white-haired bastard is capable of.
Wiz: Cancer shows a remarkable power to manipulate his own body in general. Being able to pretty much turn it into anything imaginable: expand his arms, grow extra appendages, etcetera. Not to mention, that Cancer is capable of effectively disguising his entire body. Such as when he disguised himself as a regular cell, fooling pretty much everyone except the NK Cell.
Boomstick: He can also create body doubles of himself to fool others into attacking, easily baiting them into a trap where he can do what he wants. Or one of his most powerful abilities, the fact that he can freakin’ multiply into other Cancer zombies that are willing to do his bidding!
Wiz: Granted, such an ability does come with a pretty blatant caveat. Based on what was shown, Cancer’s ability to duplicate and create the “Cancer zombies” require some amount of time. We saw a cell incubated in a tube in the apartment complex that Cancer took over, after all. Not to mention the fact that the duplicates are very clearly much weaker than Cancer himself, being able to be casually taken out. Granted, it’s a bit of a different story when there’s a whole host of them bearing down on you.
Boomstick: Yeah, and the Cancer zombies need A LOT of nutrients to survive. Which, while Cancer has been shown to be able to manipulate the body into providing said nutrients, they might not be available in the heat of battle. An army marches on their stomach, as they say!
Wiz: Finally, while Cancer himself is ridiculously powerful, he can become quite arrogant and prone to emotional outbursts. His durability is also only equal to the other cells, as once NK Cell became powered by laughter, he wasn’t long for this world. A single strong hit from a powerful opponent is usually all it takes to put Cancer down for…well, not good, but you get the gist.
Boomstick: Man, whodathunk a powerful little freak like him could end up in your body, Wiz.
Wiz: Or yours.
Boomstick: Nah. I’m gonna live forever.
Wiz: No matter what, Cancer is a tragedy that should not exist. And while he does have to be put down no matter the cost, he certainly won’t go down without a fight.
Thrax[]
(Kevin MacLeod - Severe Tire Damage)
Wiz: Frank was not a healthy or well put together person. The zookeeper, while he used to live an upstanding life, took a turn for the worst after he became a local embarrassment. Not to mention the death of his wife.
Boomstick: Being played by Bill Murray definitely wasn’t one of his problems though.
Wiz: However, that lack of care for his body came to a head when he, uh…ate an egg that had been handled by a monkey and dropped on the ground…
Boomstick: You don’t get to complain about anything I do after reading that.
Wiz: Regardless, while at first glance there very little side effects to…that. One bit of deadly bacteria hid inside of Frank’s body: Thrax.
Boomstick: Thrax himself doesn’t really have an equivalent to a real-world virus; the closest most people guess would be, well, anthrax considering his name. But that’s just pure speculation!
Wiz: Upon finding himself in Frank’s body, Thrax started putting together his plan of operations. He would lay low for a bit, making people think he was merely a common cold, then strike and kill Frank quickly.
Boomstick: Thrax is no joke when it comes to deadly viruses. Bitch is like a viral serial killer, pretty much making a game out collecting pieces from his victims’ hypothalamus, creating a DNA chain out of them. Even comparing himself to ebola, saying it’s a case of freaking dandruff next to him!
Wiz: Wanting to receive his own chapter in the medical books, Thrax made it his mission to kill each one of his host bodies faster and faster. Going from three weeks, to six days, to 72 hours, and then his plan to kill Frank and his daughter in 48 and 24, respectively. And he almost succeeded as well, were it not for Osmosis Jones and his partner Drix.
Boomstick: Hell, they almost thought they did kill him at first! They blew up an entire friggin’ nightclub!...that was used to represent a massive zit on Frank’s forehead. Gross.
Wiz: However, Thrax still managed to survive the explosion. An impressive feat of durability, considering we would have to assume that the building would be equal to an average nightclub in the real world, which is around 2500 to 10,000 square feet depending on the size. Though it’s hard to judge the precise size, even if we lowball it, that still produces a result that speaks volumes to what Thrax can actually survive.
Boomstick: Thrax’s arsenal isn’t quite as crazy. He has pollen bombs which can provide some distractions and allow him a quick escape, but his main method of attack is either pure strength, or his claw of his. Which, to be fair, that claw is kind of all he needs.
Wiz: Outside of one instance, which we have to assume is an outlier for the sake of comedy, Thrax one shot kills every other cell he comes across. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Boomstick: Geez, gonna be seeing THAT in my nightmares…
Wiz: This claw also allows him to heat up and damage the “buildings” in Frank’s body. While not precisely a direct attack, it does have its benefits in terms of being a strategic weapon.
Boomstick: Thrax is a devious schemer too. If it wasn’t for Jones being the cowboy cop-cell that he is, he likely wouldn’t have been found out. Granted, part of that could have been attributed to the incompetence of the other people around him, but aside from the mayor, most people seemed like they at least were on the up and up.
Wiz: Even outside of that, Thrax’s ability to plan and think ahead is one of his most crucial strengths. And he’s gotten plenty of knowledge through his multiple victims to know how to deal with most cells and other bacteria within a person’s body.
Boomstick: That being said, it’s because of that plan that got him into hot water. Or, hot alcohol, if you catch my drift. Heh.
Wiz: While Thrax has shown himself to be quite intelligent and cunning, he does have moments of weakness. After the destruction of the nightclub, Thrax was suggested to lay low and try and enact his deadly plan later. Wanting to get his name known, Thrax killed his subordinates, leading to the chain effect of his plans falling apart.
Boomstick: Or the time his sadism caused him to try and choke Jones out with his DNA chain rather than his one-hit kill claw.
Wiz: Additionally, much like the rest of the denizens of Frank, Thrax doesn’t have much in the way of speed feats. While obviously he can keep up with Jones, who can quickly react to punches and kicks and dodge out of the way. There is some argument to be made to Thrax outrunning the grenade explosion that took down the nightclub, considering it landed right on his feet and he came out fine, but without seeing him actively outrunning it…it’s hard to say for sure.
Boomstick: What CAN be said for sure though is how goddamn scary Thrax is regardless! If he so much as touches you, you’re f***ing dead! Or, well, assuming you were in a cell in a human body, I guess.
Wiz: Between his calculating nature and terrifying one-shot kill, Thrax is not an opponent that you can put down easily with a simple cold pill.
DEATH BATTLE![]
(Digimon Cyber Sleuth - Dashing Through Kowloon)
A mass of gray sludge oozed out from the ground of the dark, dingy alleyway. Bacteria from a recalled bit of food the host accidentally ingested. Though the gray sludge wasn’t just by itself, it hid something else. A tall, red figure stood out of the gross sludge, running his hand through his purple, tendril-like dreadlocks. He flashed a sadistic grin as he began to walk forward, his long, extended claw glowing red as he ran it against the wall of a nearby building. Loud screams filled the air as the building began to heat up and melt, a sadistic smile coming across the disease’s face.
The disease known as Thrax poked his head around the corner of the alley way to get an understanding of his surroundings, though he was taken a bit off guard by the…average-ness of it. It certainly wasn’t like the usual bodies that he had entered; those typically seemed much more colorful rather than the basic setup this body had.
“Cat’s a bit old fashioned. I can dig it.” Thrax chuckled to himself as he turned back around. “Makes it easier to kill ‘em quick.”
However, a surprise awaited Thrax as he turned around in the alley way. Sitting against the wall was a cell; a young one with short, spiky black hair. He didn’t know how or when he showed up, he certainly didn’t see him before. But he needed to be undercover for at least a few hours; he couldn’t have cells blabbing about him to the WBCs.
“Heh. Bad luck.” Thrax smiled as he casually walked towards the sitting cell, the being not even flinching as he got closer and closer. “You know, usually this is the part where most folk would start freaking out.”
“I’m not looking for any trouble…” was all the cell responded with. Truth be told, Thrax was surprised by the response. He barely even glanced in Thrax’s direction. Even still…
“I ain’t the type to leave loose ends.” Thrax smirked as he raised his single claw, the claw itself glowing white-hot as he prepared to plunge it into the cell’s flesh.
However,
*SLLLLLRP*
A mass of sickly, red and blue tendrils exploded from the cell’s body as they wrapped around Thrax’s arm, binding his arm as the tendrils forced it behind his back. The cell slowly began to stand up, his body changing from the standard cell that Thrax had just seen earlier. His appearance turning much paler, and his black hair turning white. His entire body became much veinier, as one of his eyes went bloodshot while the other was consumed by a purple sclera.
This wasn’t an average cell: this was a Cancer Cell.
“Ahahaha…I see, this cat was screwed up even before I got here.” Thrax laughed and smiled in the face of the Cancer Cell that currently had control of his arm.
“I told you to leave me alone.” Cancer responded, his gaze narrowing at the virus that was in front of him. Contracting his tendrils, planning to crush Thrax’s arm within his grasp. But his plan was cut short by a sudden shoe to his chest, Thrax slamming his foot into Cancer’s body and sending him back.
*WHAM*
Cancer’s tendrils ripped out of his body as said body slammed into the wall of the alleyway. Thrax’s laughter filled the back alley as he disposed of the lifeless tendrils wrapped around his arm, his claw once again heating up as he pointed it towards Cancer yet again.
“I’m not gonna let some two-bit cold like you get in my way.”
FIGHT!
True to his word, Thrax was the one who kept up on the attack. Delivering a boot to Cancer’s chest as the cell gasped, the force of the kick undoubtedly broke whatever the equivalent to bones within the Cancer Cell’s body would be. Already having the upper hand, it wouldn’t be long before Thrax would press his claw into Cancer’s body, killing him like every other cell and virus that happened to cross him.
But Cancer was far from being the same as every other cell and virus.
*SPLRRRRGG*
More tendrils slithered out of Cancer’s body as they wrapped around Thrax’s left leg, quickly lifting him up and turning his body upside down, before slamming him into a nearby wall. Thrax’s body left a small crater as he groaned, slipping off the wall as his body landed with a thud onto the ground.
“Maybe I underestimated you a bit, but I’m still- Hm?” Thrax cut himself off mid-sentence as he realized: his opponent has disappeared. Poking his head around the corner of the alley way, only seeing the sight of fleeing cells away from the building fire he had just created. The Cancer Cell he was just fighting with nowhere in sight.
“Hide and seek, eh?” Thrax flashed a toothy grin, as it didn’t take a genius to figure out what had just occurred. The Cancer Cell had pretended to be a regular cell before they had engaged in battle, so it logically made sense that he could disguise himself. Raising his clawed hand, the claw grew red hot as he looked towards a common cell. The claw sliced through the cell’s body as it glowed red, its screams echoing throughout the city as its flesh began to bubble and pus before collapsing in death.
“Not that one? No worries. Let’s keep going.” Thrax carried on in front of him, slashing down cells as if they were mere cannon fodder beneath his feet. Which, they more or less were compared to him. The screams grew and died out as he progressed through the mass of cells that were trying to escape a simple building fire, until finally, he found his target. The mass of tendrils once again appeared from the regular cell’s body as he morphed back into the grotesque looking Cancer Cell, though the bacteria was prepared, and the tendril was easily sliced through with a red-hot fury.
“Where’s the fire, dog? I get the impression you’re trying to get away from me.” Thrax smiled as he quickly wrapped his non-claw hand around Cancer’s throat, his golden eyes meeting Cancer’s colored sclera as the malformed cell winced due to his throat being crushed. Thrax’s claw being raised yet again, this time with the full intent of bringing Cancer to its death knell. Who would’ve thought that an unknown bacteria would be the first thing to put Cancer in the grave?
“FREEZE!!”
“As usual, the fuzz appears when you don’t need them,” Thrax growled as the brief distraction was enough for Cancer to break free from the stranglehold that Thrax had on him. Of course, there was one other problem that threatened both life-ending viruses.
The fact that they were currently surrounded by White Blood Cells and Killer T Cells.
The collapse upon them was swift, as weapons were drawn and the new battle was started. The knives of the White Blood Cells clattering to the ground as Thrax slashed through their ranks, the screams of the Killer T Cells filling the area as their limbs were torn off from their body by the growing flesh tendrils that grew from Cancer’s body. The Killer T cells became malformed husks of their former selves as the heat in their bodies grew, the White Blood Cells splattered into bloody messes by the enlarged limbs of Cancer.
Though that is not to say that Cancer and Thrax’s fight was done.
*WHAM*
A solid punch from Cancer’s enlarged arm to the back of Thrax’s head sent the virus flying through the remaining horde of White Blood Cells and Killer T Cells; his body slamming through the wall of a nearby apartment building to add injury to injury. The rest of the threatening cells were dispatched rather quickly, as they became nothing but red mist under the weight of Cancer’s extended limbs.
“Ugh…” Thrax groaned as he stood up, dusting his coat off and the rubble and dust fell off of him. His vision blurry after the strike he had received, and his senses weren’t entirely all there just yet. But one thing was for sure: he definitely heard the sound of many voices groaning. Whipping his head around, he saw multiple cells shambling towards him, each one resembling the Cancer Cell he was just dealing with outside. Albeit different in many ways; Thrax could at least tell that they were slower and not in control of their faculties.
But that didn’t mean that a miniature army of them wouldn’t cause problems.
“Freaky little cat, aren’t ya?” Thrax groaned to himself as he launched himself at the army of Cancer zombies that the cell had produced, slashing as many to ribbons as he could with his heated claw. They truly proved nothing but a nuisance in numbers, as they tried to paw and claw their way at the red-skinned virus. Thrax was more than capable of dealing with them, however, as corpses littered the floor. His skin not even breaking against the horde as his claw reduced them to mere reddened, bubbling messes.
Unfortunately for the virus, however, time was all Cancer was looking for.
“Just…DIE!!!” Thrax heard the same voice of the Cancer Cell from outside of the apartment, as the building and floor began to shake. Thrax could see veins sprouting on the walls, and from the outside looking in, was of course Cancer itself. His arm plunged into the apartment building as his essence fused with the complex itself. If this virus was crafty enough to avoid dying to his usual tactics, then dropping a building on him might be the next best solution.
*CRRRRRRSSSSSSHHHHH*
Before long, the building collapsed in on itself. Every bit of rubble crashed down upon Thrax’s head, as Cancer merely watched onwards. A cough escaped his lungs as a bit of debris and dust entered his mouth, but he could at least be sure that Thrax was no longer his problem to worry about.
“You’re certainly something, champ.” However, the voice of the smooth-talking virus entered Cancer’s ears not moments before he turned around. His eyes wide in surprise as his head whipped around to face his opponent once again. His non-clawed hand running through his dreadlocks with a smug smile on his face. “But compared to me, you really are just the common cold.”
Cancer was surprised. While he was aware of his own capabilities, to see the virus shrug off something like an entire building collapsing on top of him utterly shocked the infected cell. He had thoroughly underestimated this unknown invader, and only time would tell if he would be able to fight him off.
“What…kind of virus are you…?” Cancer asked hesitantly, his tendrils slorching out of his body in preparation for anything the virus might do next. Thrax merely gave a toothy grin to his opponent as he reached into his coat pocket. The red-skinned virus spoke one, simple word to get his point across.
(Digimon: Cyber Sleuth – Eater Battle Theme)
“Deadly.”
In Thrax’s hand when he pulled it out of his pocket were small, yellow balls. Specifically, pollen bombs. Pollen bombs that were thrown directly at Cancer’s face, the pollen expanding as they distracted Cancer long enough for Thrax to make his escape. Thrax wasn’t stupid, fighting Cancer head-on was going to be a futile endeavor. So why not opt for striking somewhere that Cancer wouldn’t be able to defend against? And Thrax more than knew his way around a human body.
Speaking of, as Cancer’s vision returned to him, he saw the strangest thing. Thrax was currently climbing a building, for some reason unknown to him. But he sure as hell was not going to let him get whatever advantage he had planned. As Cancer grunted, feathery wings sprouting out his back as the wings began to beat in the air. Wind burst around him as he began to take flight, speeding directly towards Thrax as fast as he could.
“Jeez, what else does this freak have in his box of tricks?!” Thrax shouted to no one in particular, his eyes filled with fury at the sight of the Cancer Cell now growing wings of all things. Cancer himself met Thrax with an angry glare, rearing back his arm as his hand expanded in size. Before said hand grasped the entirety of Thrax’s skull in its palm, pressing it up against the building as he continued his upwards ascent.
Thrax’s screams filled the air as his face grinded against the stone wall of the extremely tall building the both of them were soaring upwards. One more willing than the other. Once they reached the top, Cancer pulled his arm back once again, still keeping Thrax’s entire head in his palm before throwing him through the window. The sound of glass shattering echoed as Thrax’s bloodied body rolled across the ground from the force of the toss.
And the virus smiled, for Cancer had inadvertently thrown Thrax precisely where he wanted to be. Within the body’s hypothalamus. Ignoring his opponent and the wounds he had sustained from being ground against a wall and tossed through a window, he ran towards the glass tube that contained his prize. Plunging his hands into the glass, pulling out yet another DNA bead to add to his collection. Of course, such an action would doom the body he was in. But it also gave him a key benefit: Thrax was more than used to the heat. He brought it, after all.
“Hm?” Cancer narrowed his gaze as he entered the room, watching this unfold. The sight of Thrax placing the squishy, purple orb onto a chain of similar looking orbs being a peculiar one. At least until Cancer realized what building he had slammed both him and Thrax into. “Wait, is that-?”
“They key to regulating this body’s temperature? Bingo, baby.” Thrax smiled as he saw the monitor that showed the body’s temperature slowly begin to rise, visible sweat appearing on Cancer’s body as the heat grew hotter and hotter by every passing second. “It’s lookin’ like you got a bit of a time limit there, sport. Think you can beat the heat?”
Despite the sweat beads pouring down his face, Cancer met Thrax with clenched teeth and fury in his eyes. His wings beating yet again as he flew into the air, the a mass of arms bursting from his body as each one rushed Thrax down. The virus welcomed the challenge with open arms, as the growing heat was clearly affecting Cancer’s combat capabilities. His movements had slowed; indeed, the mass of arm too had slowed as well. Easy prey for Thrax to slash through one by one, slowly making his way towards the Cancer Cell with masses of shredded, poisoned flesh in his wake.
“Come on! Where’s all that sureness in yourself that you showed!?” Thrax shouted as he continued to casually walk forward, taunting Cancer with the inability to even touch him at this point. “Where’s the leading cause of death now, huh? Backed into a corner by me!”
Thrax had gotten close to Cancer at this point. Far too close for comfort. Shoulder checking the corrupted cell to the ground, Thrax placed his shoe on the pale cell’s chest, bending down to wrap his DNA chain around the cell’s throat.
“And here I thought I’d get my own chapter by killing some folks faster and faster.” Thrax let out a sadistic chuckle as he watched Cancer’s eyes grow wide, and the sound of struggling and gasping for air painfully escaping from his lips. “But nah. Looks I’m going to get it by being the virus who got to take out the granddaddy of diseases personally.”
Thrax was living for this moment. It was a true rush of euphoria, as he removed a hand from his attempted strangling of Cancer, only to raise it. The same glowing hot claw pointed directly at Cancer’s skull.
But, Thrax’s life long goal would not be so easy.
*CRRRRRRSSSSHHH*
Suddenly, the floor began to give way underneath where Cancer and Thrax were. Cracks in the floor appeared as a mass of hands burst from the floor itself, all aiming straight towards Thrax. The mass of hands belonged to Cancer, of course, his body having already made the necessary preparations to expand itself while Thrax was gloating. A growl left Thrax’s lips as he broke away from Cancer’s body, slashing apart the arms that were in his immediate vicinity. His shoes scraped across the ground as he slid backwards, a glare directed straight towards his pale opponent.
“You’re one cat who doesn’t know when to quit, huh?” Thrax straightened himself up as he casually slashed away yet another arm aiming straight towards him. Cancer had stood back up and was not letting Thrax have a moment’s breath. A cocky smile crept across Thrax’s face as he spoke his words of diplomacy. “Tell you what, I’ll cut you a deal.”
Cancer merely narrowed his eyes at the fast-talking virus glaring back at him, but he stopped his tendrils in their tracks. Part of him was curious what the virus had to say, though he certainly didn’t let his guard down for more than a moment. Especially once Thrax started casually walking forward.
“Instead of beating the crap out of each other like a pair of neanderthals, let’s make it a race. See who kills the body faster, hm?” Thrax smiled as he continued to walk forward. Of course, this was a victory he could be more confident in. The body they were inhabiting had likely already collapsed due to the fever and was being rushed to the ER. But who the hell cares? It would save him potential bodily damage. “We’re both just viruses in the end. We’re killers, no more, no less. Whaddaya say?”
Upon those words, however, Cancer’s eyes went wide. Something burned inside of the mutated cell, and it wasn’t the heat that Thrax had caused within the body. That wide eyed look turned into a squinted glare, as Cancer gritted his teeth in rage at Thrax’s words.
“We…” The mass of hands returned back to life as a fury entered Cancer’s eyes.
“ARE NOTHING ALIKE!!!”
The mass of hands rushed Thrax from the hole in the ground that Cancer had created. Thrax merely shrugged his shoulders in response, his meager attempt at diplomacy having failed.
“Well, can’t say I didn’t try.” Thrax muttered to himself as a smirk came back to his face. Truth be told, even if talking to him didn’t work, he succeeded at another aspect of his plan. Getting closer.
Dodging through the swarm of arms was becoming easier and easier with every passing moment. The heat was clearly getting to Cancer, something that Thrax took advantage of every chance he could. It wouldn’t take long before the heat killed Cancer in the first place, but there just wouldn’t be much fun in that. Thrax had to kill Cancer himself, both to see the life leave his eyes and be the one in the medical books that was said to overpower Cancer.
He easily brushed past the mass of arms as he came to face the pale cell. A wicked smile flashed on his face as he raised his clawed hand, the single claw glowing a searing hot white before he plunged it into Cancer’s chest. The cell was finally unable to dodge as his eyes went wide, his pale skin turning an eerie pink as his entire body heated to unnatural levels. His skin began to boil and rupture, bubbly white foam pouring out of the holes that appeared in his body. The life left his eyes as he fell backwards, his lifeless body hitting the ground with a wet thud.
“Looks like you just melted under the pressure there, friend.” Thrax laughed to himself as he bent down, grabbing the DNA chain that he had previously dropped. Playing with the squishy strand in his hand as he began to take his leave out of the building through the shattered window Cancer had previously thrown him through.
“YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.”
A voice reverberated throughout the entire building as Thrax whipped his body around to find where Cancer was hiding… Only for his yellow eyes to be greeted with the sight of Cancer’s upper half emerging from the floor. Nothing but anger and disgust in his mismatched eyes. Spreading his arms out wide as his arms expanded to massive sizes before coming closer together at an alarming rate, intending to squash Thrax within his hands.
“Tch.” Thrax scoffed as he quickly glanced back to the “corpse” of Cancer that he had plunged his claw into. The body quickly decomposed as he looked back towards the very alive Cancer Cell, before turning his body back out the window. “I really don’t like you.”
Spreading his own arms wide with the inside of his trench coat in his hands and a smile on his face, Thrax leapt out of the hole in the window. His coat puffed out from the wind underneath as it acted as a makeshift glider, just moments before Cancer’s hands clasped together. A growl left Cancer’s lips as he fully emerged from the floor, his wings regrowing from his back as he too went out the window to follow his target, the red-skinned virus soaring safely to the ground with his makeshift glider.
(Celldweller – Switchback (2000))
But his feet wouldn’t touch the ground if Cancer had anything to say about it.
Putting as much effort in as he could, the Cancer Cell prepared to dive bomb the floating target. Sweat pouring down his brow; Cancer could feel the heat slowly killing him from the inside. There wasn’t much time left. If he wanted to save the Cells in this body from perishing in a fiery death, he had to act quick.
…Save the Cells? Why did he think such thoughts? Cancer shook his head, refocusing on his target as he slammed his own body into Thrax’s. Both killers grunted as they practically wrestled in the air, before the two of them crashed into a nearby apartment complex. The place had already been evacuated, of course, considering it was currently on fire. Both the virus and the cell groaned as they peeled themselves off the flaming floor, sweat pouring off of Cancer Cell’s body as he panted. Deep breaths, in and out. He was exhausted.
“Alright. FINE.” Thrax, who pulled himself up first, delivered a well-aimed kick to Cancer’s head. Rolling the cell onto his back as breathing continued to be more and more difficult. “I was more than content to just let you BURN to death, but I guess if you really want to play this game…”
Thrax, for the final time, raised his claw, slowly crouching down as he pressed it far too close to Cancer’s eye. The weakened Cancer Cell raised his arm to the sky in one last moment.
“Then I’ll be glad to give you a personal death.”
But before Thrax could plunge his claw into Cancer’s eye, a familiar sound was heard.
*SLLLLRRRRP*
Hands burst from Cancer’s chest, wrapping their many fingers around Thrax’s upper body as they slammed him into the ceiling. A gasp of pain escaped from Thrax’s lips, as one hand reached around to grab Thrax’s claw. The red hot, burning appendage searing into his veiny, malformed skin before…
*CRACK*
“AUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!” Thrax screamed in pain as his claw was literally broken off of his hand. The Cancer Cell shakily standing back up, panting even harder than before.
“T-The hell…are you…?!” Thrax asked between hisses of pain. The mass of hands slowly working their way around his entire body as he became encased in a fleshy finger prison. As Cancer spoke the last words that Thrax ever heard.
“Deadly.”
*CRRRRRRRRACK SPLLLLLLLRG*
The sound of Thrax screaming could be heard for miles as his body was squashed and compressed within the finger prison. Every part of his body turned into mere paste within Cancer’s grasp, his screaming only getting quieter and quieter as the sound of breaking bones(?) and crushed insides grew louder.
Until finally, silence.
Cancer’s multitude of arms returned to his body. The red paste that once was Thrax splattered onto the ground, evaporating in the fire that he himself had created. The only thing left of his being the DNA chain that Thrax had collected. Cancer weakly walked over to where the chain had fallen, his battered and burnt body crouching down to pick it up. Cancer winced in pain as every exertion of energy sent a wave of agony throughout.
But even still, Cancer’s wings still sprouted from his back, as he took flight to the hypothalamus.
KO!
Conclusion[]
(Cells at Work Black – Oxygen Shortage)
Boomstick: HELL YEAH! Cancer beat the hell out of that bastard!...wait a minute…
Wiz: This was a…weird battle to come to a decision to. Even ignoring the fact that neither of these characters were human, there were still a lot of factors to consider. Notably, Thrax’s one-shot kill being an ever-present threat towards Cancer.
Boomstick: Funny enough, real cancer cells actually can’t take the heat! While Cancer himself in Cells at Work has never shown a particular weakness to fire, the anime itself plays pretty close to real life human biology. Meaning that even if Thrax’s claw, for some reason, couldn’t one-hit kill Cancer, that claw clearly causes whatever it touches to heat up.
Wiz: Thrax was also far smarter and experienced than Cancer. While Cancer could come back to life and retain his memories after he died, there’s nothing to say that Cancer has the memories of every person’s own personal Cancer. Meanwhile, Thrax blatantly remembers every person he ever killed. And he got faster with every kill. That’s not to say that Cancer is stupid, but Cancer has never shown the capability of creating long term schemes like Thrax.
Boomstick: Unfortunately for the Red Devil, that’s about all he came up ahead on. Cancer was much faster than Thrax, thanks to scaling to the bullet dodging other viruses were capable of. While Thrax does have the fact that he and Jones traveled from Frank’s mouth to his daughter’s eye…ew…in relatively short time, both characters had external factors to why they got that far. Frank sneezed Thrax out of his body, and Jones was shot out of Drix’s cannon.
Wiz: Granted, even if Thrax and Cancer’s speed were much closer, it was still difficult for Thrax to get in for his one-shot kill in the first place. Cancer had many, many more ranged options compared to Thrax. Being able to extend and expand his body in ways that Thrax certainly was not prepared for. Plus, even if that failed, Cancer could simply fly out of Thrax’s preferred range. Thrax can technically fly himself, but its more likely gliding compared to Cancer’s on demand flight.
Boomstick: And of course, like the sadistic supervillain that he is, Thrax loves to gloat. If he managed to get in close to Cancer, somehow, it’s well within the realm of possibility that he would taunt Cancer just like he did to Osmosis Jones.
Wiz: And finally, while their power levels were relatively comparable, the apartment complex that Cancer brought down was much larger than the night club that Thrax survived exploding. Meaning that outside of his claw, Thrax would have his work cut out for him in terms of killing Cancer in any other means.
Boomstick: Now, I know what you may be thinking, “couldn’t Thrax plunge his claw into one of Cancer’s extra extendo arms and kill him that way?”
Wiz: Well…potentially. The argument could be made, however from our interpretation, it seems unlikely. First off, Cancer can harden his skin so that Thrax’s claw wouldn’t be able to pierce through, as shown when the Killer T Cell’s knife was harmlessly deflected. Secondly, when the NK Cell slashed through his arms, he didn’t even flinch. This led us to believe that he likely doesn’t have any serious attachment to the extra arms he sprouts from his body, meaning they would likely not be affected by Thrax’s claw.
Boomstick: And bluntly speaking, when it comes to their capabilities in pure combat, Cancer was a basement armory compared to Thrax’s redneck with a shotgun on their wall.
Wiz: Body manipulation, body doubles, flight, disguises, Cancer had a lot going for him. Compare that to Thrax, however, who had his own hand-to-hand combat capabilities, his claw, and pollen bombs. Which, the last of those wouldn’t be the most useful in a one-on-one battle between miniature beings within the body. Since the one time we saw Thrax use them was for his own escape out of Frank’s mouth.
Boomstick: Thrax was a scary serial killer, but he had never really had to deal with another virus-
Wiz: For the record, Cancer is not a virus.
Boomstick:…another MICROSCOPIC BEING THAT LIVES INSIDE THE HUMAN BODY like Cancer.
Wiz: Thrax had a deadly experience in killing humans in terrifyingly efficient manners, and his claw certainly meant he could likely catch Cancer off guard in a handful of situations. But Cancer had the speed, power, and versality to keep Thrax at bay before he could move in for the kill.
Boomstick: It may be a hard cell, but the end result is simply Thrax got thraxed.
Wiz: The Winner is Cancer Cell.
Trivia[]
- The connection between the two fighters is they are both microscopic beings that exist to kill the host body they are in, and both exist in a media property where the human body is portrayed as a city and the cells inside are represented by human beings. From a meta sense, they are connected in how strange they are portrayed, with Thrax getting several disturbing scenes within what is ostensibly a children's movie, while Cancer was portrayed in a tragic light despite being, well, Cancer.
- A track for this battle would be called "Death at Work", referencing both the name of the Cells at Work anime, and the fact that both beings are deadly in nature.