Caboose vs Yang is a What-If? Death Battle by AksisTheArchonPriest.
Vote who you think will win/want to win here.
Description[]
RvB vs RWBY! Two strong, silly, fun loving team members you really don’t wanna piss off go head-to-head! Will Yang’s hot-headed nature cost her the victory, or will Caboose’s ignorance be his downfall?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Every member of a team has their own roles. Wether it be to strategize, defend, or sneak by undetected, they all work together to achieve victory.
Boomstick: And no team is complete without the muscle to back it up, like Michael J. Caboose, the blue clad good boy of Bloodgulch.
Wiz: And Yang Xiao Long, the literal hot head of team RWBY.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Caboose[]
Wiz: When you think of skilled soldiers to win the battle, many people come to mind. Captain America, Soldier 76, or even Master Chief. But not every super soldier is made for the right cause. Enter Project Freelancer, a program bent on making nigh unstoppable troops using highly advanced armor and A.I. to function them.
Boomstick: Hey, wouldja look at that, for once it doesn’t involve some BS super soldier juice or truth serum that has god knows what in it.
Wiz: With these Freelancers, they planned to push back an alien covenant and win a war, but before they could they needed to test them to make sure they were fit for combat, and lets just say their methods were... anything but humane.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out their way of testing their shiny new suits of armor was by throwing a bunch of idiots on opposite teams and telling them to fight each other so the mercs get target practice.
Wiz: These sim-troopers were anything but competent and would be no problem for A.I. testing. At least, that’s what Project Freelancer thought, but one group of soldiers would eventually cause them serious problems.
Boomstick: Everyone’s favorite band of misfits stuck in a canyon, the Reds and Blues! You know, Bloodgulch isn’t a half bad name for a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.
Wiz: Despite their “mission” being to kill the enemy team... they never really got to that. Of these idiots was the trooper in dark blue armor, Michael J. Caboose.
Boomstick: Caboose was born and raised on a moon colony along with his 17 sisters what?!
Wiz: It’s best not to question it. Eventually, he was tasked with refilling oxygen tanks for astronauts, but was re-stationed at Bloodgulch due to a computer malfunction and because he did a poor job, and since getting tangled up with the Reds and Blues and Project Freelancer, he’s proven to be an invaluable member.
Boomstick: Mainly due to his freakish strength and durability. He’s a lot stronger and tougher than most people for some odd reason. Nobody really knows why. He can survive long falls and heavy blows to the head like no one’s business, and he’s stubborn enough to hold his breath for two whole days! What the hell!
Wiz: Which is physically impossible. The brain can only go without oxygen for up to 10 minutes before possibly developing irreversible brain damage. The longest anybody has ever held their breath goes to Aleix Vendrell, who held his breath for a whopping 24 minutes while in controlled conditions. Impressive, but Caboose blew his record out of the water. Unfortunately, all of these heavy blows to the head and deprivation of oxygen is likely linked to his greatest weakness. You see, of all the morons in the Reds and Blues, Caboose is definitely the most... ehm, mentally... deficient.
Caboose: I’ve done dangerous stuff before and I’ve always come out fine both physically and...
Grif: ...Caboose?
Caboose: ...Mentally.
Boomstick: Yeah, he’s pretty dumb. I mean he can’t even spell his own name right, doesn’t know the difference between helping and shooting someone, and the reason he was fired from refilling oxygen tanks was because he didn’t know how oxygen worked on the moon. Dumbass.
Wiz: Though while he is dumb, he’s not necessarily stupid, if that makes sense. He’s often times quite brilliant with how he solves certain situations. He somehow befriended a dinosaur, repaired his pet Freckles, a mantis class assault mech, from a shipwreck, got stuck in another dimension and was communicating through Morse Code while he was still inside, and before anybody else besides Donut and Washington could, figured out how to time travel. So while he isn’t particularly intelligent, he does have his moments.
Boomstick: Not that he needs it. Who needs brains when you’re strong enough to easily flip cars? That and he may or may not be God... what, how else would you explain the platypus? Seriously though, his strength is no joke. He can hit people so hard that they get sent flying through the air, like when he hit a home run by batting a guy with a golf club, plus he’s even stronger than Agent Texas.
Wiz: And Tex is a powerhouse. She’s able to flip a 66 ton tank like it’s not even there, caught and threw a giant crate full of med-kits through the air, and can even match strength with the Meta, who can chuck Warthog jeeps like they’re snowballs. But when she tried picking up Andy, a talking bomb, she couldn’t even get him to budge despite his size.
Boomstick: But you know who could move him? That’s right, in comes Caboose and he just up and picks him up like a basketball. Man that’s gotta be embarrassing being shown up by a mook like him.
Wiz: And after having his mind invaded by O’Malley, he was taught how to enter a berserker state that fully weaponizes his strength, so much so that he can plow through hordes of Tex robots just as strong as the original with little issue, but that’s not even the half of it. When he confronted an ancient A.I. that he aptly named Santa, he was put to the test when Santa increased the gravity of the area they were in tenfold. Not only was he able to stand up under this immense pressure, he didn’t even notice the change in gravity! The maximum change in gravity a person can undergo without noticing is 0.2 G’s, and the maximum a normal person can withstand is 6 G’s. That is a thirty times difference. With this in mind, since Caboose could withstand 10 G’s without noticing, this could potentially mean that he could withstand over 300 G’s!
Boomstick: So pretty much everything Tex had done is nothing compared to standing in ten times Earth’s gravity and not even reacting to it, so Caboose being stronger than her checks out, ‘specially since he can tear through a horde of them with the same strength when he’s pissed. Damn! You sure this isn’t just Goku in blue Mjolnir armor? I mean they’re both also pretty big idiots.
Wiz: The fact that he could stand in these conditions is impressive enough, but consider that if the gravity of Earth were to increase that much, all life as we know it would be slaughtered! The body would be crushed under at the very least 10 G’s, the same kind of force Caboose can casually stand in, and a force of 75 G’s would instantly kill you. Caboose is able to withstand four times that!
Boomstick: You’d need to be one tough cookie to survive that, and Caboose definitely fits the bill. He survived a fall from orbit, fell off a cliff and landed on his head, and tanked a mine that launched him hundreds of feet into the air for so long everyone thought he died, and then survived the fall back down, and each time he just got up and shook it off like nothing happened. Even Grif isn’t as tough as this guy, and he can take gunshots, grenade launcher rounds and shots from a tank to the face all in one sitting! All of which I had absolutely nothing to do with. He even survived being strangled by the Meta! You know, Halo Doomguy!
Wiz: While he was rendered unconscious afterward, this is more likely due to the fact that the A.I. Delta was forcibly removed from him, which if you didn’t know, doesn’t usually end well for the victim mentally. Don’t worry, there’s not much left to scramble in Caboose’s head so he was fine.
Boomstick: But all of that combined is nothing compared to the time he and his teammates survived a nuclear bomb that was put in Church’s body blowing up in their faces! Why do they just have parts for that lying around?
Wiz: Part of the reason he can take these hits is because of his armor. He wears Mjolnir armor made up of a titanium alloy, making it incredibly tough and perfect for defending against gunfire. But while he hits and takes hits like a tank on steroids, he is anything but slow... physically speaking. Mentally is a different story.
Boomstick: Get this, when Caboose was creeping on the Reds, he was moving between boxes to hide behind so fast that you couldn’t even see him move, and he completed Agent Washington’s lengthy obstacle course in less than a second.
Wiz: Just as impressive, when Huggins, a floating talking ball of light, sped from Blue base to halfway across the canyon, which measures 1500 feet long, he caught up to her in an instant, and it makes sense. He scales to Simmons, who can swap between Mjolnir armor in just four seconds, armor which usually takes several minutes just to put on, making him 90 times faster than most super soldiers, and Sarge, who could avoid gunfire mere feet away from him after it was already fired. But when he’s not throwing his fists at the closest person that makes him angry, he wields a MA5C assault rifle, which has a firing rate of 900 RPM.
Boomstick: After his pet Freckles was destroyed, his A.I. was recovered and got downloaded into his gun, giving him all sorts of new tricks, like a friendly fire option that swaps the bullets for confetti whenever he shoots at a teammate, which is pretty useful since he has the insatiable urge to team kill. He’s also really attached to Freckles, so he’s almost never without his gun. Hey I don’t blame him. I’m attached to my guns too. *Lifts shotgun leg* Literally!
Wiz: The most useful function Freckles gives his weapon is by far the aimbot setting, which somehow gives Caboose perfect aim and accuracy. He used this to gun down an entire squadron of pirates in just a few seconds. But despite his kill count, including team kills, Caboose is hardly a fighter. While he can certainly hold his own, he has next to no real experience or formal training in combat, which just sounds like wasted potential given his physical prowess, and his ignorance can get him into serious trouble, often times not registering someone as a threat even when they’re right in his face. Yet he has proven himself time and time again, pulling through even in the hardest times, such as when he had to cope with Church’s final death.
Boomstick: ’sniff’ Why does a character as goofy as him make me cry? What ever happened to just standing around and talking and making inappropriate jokes?
Wiz: He’s embedded himself in history, both literally and figuratively, as one of the best worst soldiers to ever exist. Paired with his strength, he is almost a guarantee for victory... just please for the love of god don’t ask him for help.
Santa: Hmm... Then it seems that you... are a true warrior.
Caboose: ...Neat.
Yang[]
Wiz: When the entire world is at stake being overrun by terrifying soulless monsters, hope would seem to be nonexistent. This is the case for the planet with a shattered moon called Remnant.
Boomstick: Well that’s one way to kick this off. Yeah, after some lady named Salem got pissed off with some gods cause they wouldn’t bring someone named Ozma back to life, she was cursed with immortality after trying to turn people against them. So after they ditched the planet, she went to some pool of black gunk and jumped in to try and kill herself.
Wiz: This liquid was responsible for spawning terrifying creatures called Grimm, but instead of killing her, it transformed her mind and body into that of these creatures, eventually leading her to become the Grimm queen.
Boomstick: The two gods left the place a mess after they just deleted everyone who was on it in the first place. Those Grimm monsters were pretty much everywhere under Salem’s control and there were people with weird animal parts called faunus. They decided to reincarnate Ozma to redeem humanity. If he could do that and find four relics, they would go back to the planet and fix the mess. So he tried getting back together with Salem, but then he realized ‘shit she’s evil!’ and they became enemies.
Wiz: He realized that he could not kill Salem for she was immortal, and after many lives come and gone, he somehow came to the conclusion that the best way to deal with her army of Grimm was to make schools designed to train children to fight them. Why he thought this was the best course of action is unknown. I’m sure there were better ways to handle this. Nevertheless, several kingdoms were created housing these schools, and miraculously this worked. Incredibly skilled warriors graduated from these schools and aided in fighting back against these forces, albeit unknowingly.
Boomstick: And the academy Ozma, now known as Ozpin, was the headmaster of was Beacon. Some of the best huntsmen and huntresses graduated from this school and they kept on coming.
Wiz: Though he took a particular interest in one team specifically. Team RWBY, led by Ruby Rose, aided by Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna, and arguably the best fighter on the team, Ruby’s sister, Yang Xiao Long.
Boomstick: Yang was raised in Patch where her mom Raven Branwen ran off to lead some tribe shortly after she was born. Huh, just like my dad but with the military. When she got older, she decided that she was going to be a huntress to find her mom and find out why she ran off. That and being a kickass hero that fights monsters just sounded really fun to her.
Wiz: Lucky for her, her uncle just so happened to be one of the best huntsmen to ever graduate, and with his training she was eventually accepted into Beacon academy, along with her younger sister by chance.
Boomstick: With her uncle’s training, she quickly punched her way into becoming one of the schools best fighters, and she has the perfect weapons for the job. On her arms are two bracelets that transform into powerful gauntlets she named Ember Celica. But they aren’t just used for punching, cause guess what? They’re also guns.
Wiz: Each gauntlet can hold up to 12 shells at a time and can be used in a variety of ways. She can fire a quick burst in front of her for close range combat, using the blasts to do more damage up close or use the force they generate to shift her momentum or launch her in the opposite direction. If she’s at a distance, she can fire concussive blasts to keep the pressure on her opponents and fight from a range.
Boomstick: Basically meaning no matter how far away you are from her, you’re always within punching distance. If she needs to get more damage in then she can swap her normal rounds for explosive shells, and after some Atlas upgrades she can even attach sticky bombs to her opponents that detonate after being ejected for a short time. Man I really need to upgrade my shotgun leg.
Wiz: While her weapons are impressive, being such a close range fighter puts her at a much higher risk of taking damage, which is why students of Beacon have aura. Aura essentially acts as a shield manifested by a person’s soul to protect against damage and can be focused into a person’s strikes to increase their power. If they’re skilled enough then they can even project it to block incoming attacks, and Yang undoubtedly possesses one of the strongest auras in her class.
Boomstick: Her aura is ridiculously tough. With it she can survive falling hundreds of feet from the air unscathed, was once smashed through three concrete pillars by a giant mech and could still stand and fight, and withstood a bullet storm plowing into her after a smack down from Mercury.
Wiz: While this would usually be a problem for most fighters, it plays in Yang’s favor thanks to her semblance. Semblances are basically supernatural powers that huntsmen and huntresses can use in battle. Each person’s semblance works differently from each other and are entirely unique to them unless it’s a hereditary matter.
Boomstick: And Yang’s makes use of her fiery attitude, straight forward approach, and the heavy hits she takes. When her aura takes damage, that damage is added to her already impressive strength with the effects increasing the harder she’s hit. Meaning the stronger her opponent is, the stronger she can get. That or she can store the damage she takes and stockpile on power, unleashing it all in one powerful blow on whatever poor bastard is on the receiving end of that freight train of a punch.
Wiz: So with the hits her aura can take, her strength and power can rise to absurd levels, making her one of the greatest physical opponents in the entire series, even compared to other incredibly strong fighters like Nora and Yatsuhashi.
Boomstick: With her semblance built up she’s able to knock multiple opponents away in one blow and can strike the ground with enough force to create powerful shockwaves. After recovering from a train crash, she was strong enough to send cars tumbling across the ground with her punches, and after absorbing the hits she took fighting that mech, she was powerful enough to shatter the whole thing in one punch, launching it through the air!
Wiz: Measuring the size of the Atlas Paladin compared to its arm, we can tell that the weight of this piloted mech comes to a total of 20 tons!
Boomstick: That’s heavier than the combined weight of six African Elephants, and Yang just straight up punted it through the air!
Wiz: She’s definitely the most headstrong of her teammates and is clearly the best fighter among them. Unfortunately, paired with her literally hotheaded nature, this gets her into some trouble. The most costly of which was when the White Fang cult member Adam Taurus... sliced her arm off when she decided to charge in blindly at him to try and save her partner Blake.
Boomstick: Yeowch. Yeah that left her with some serious PTSD. On the plus side though, now she’s got a sweet metal arm! Of course it also doubles as a gun because why not?
Wiz: You know that’s an odd amount of coincidences. Both your dad and Yang’s mom left you at a young age, you both have firearm prosthetics, and you both make terrible puns.
Boomstick: Hey! My puns are awesome! Better than your nerd puns, that’s for sure.
Wiz: Aw. Anyway she has since learned from her mistakes and has taught herself to control her anger with the help of her father. Since then she has taken on a number of skilled combatants. She successfully defeated Adam in their re-encounter, won a match against Mercury Black in the Vytal Festival tournament, who could take down the second year student Yatsuhashi with relative ease, and with the aid of her team could go toe to toe with the Atlas specialists team, the Ace Ops.
Boomstick: Plus while taking hits makes her stronger, she doesn’t just let herself get hit. She’s really good at dodging and blocking rapid attacks. She’s fast enough to avoid and block gunfire, can keep up with Mercury in CQC, and her metal arm makes for a good defense. It could withstand a fully charged Moonslice, the same move that chopped off her previous arm, from Adam, who has a semblance nearly identical to Yang’s.
Wiz: Although her aura does not extend to her prosthetic. With her uncle’s training in combat and after training at Atlas she became even more skilled in combat, and scaling to her fellow teammate Weiss means she can react fast enough to dodge projectiles moving at the speed of sound and can even withstand a geyser of lava, which can reach temperatures of up to 1200 degrees Celsius. Unfortunately this can only last so long. Her aura is not unbreakable and she is prone to exhaustion should she push her limits.
Boomstick: Yeah, while her aura can take pretty heavy hits, her semblance doesn’t make it stronger and enough damage and constant pressure can shred her aura, like how it just barely held up under Mercury’s onslaught. Once her aura is broken, she’s much more vulnerable. She can’t use her semblance either and the strength she’s built up goes to waste.
Wiz: Not to mention she generally has a hard time fighting opponents much faster and more agile than her, such as when she struggled in her fights against both Neo and Neon. But even then, proving to be the best fighter on her team is no easy feat. With the aid of her team, the last thing you want to do is make her angry.
Boomstick: And when you see her eyes turn red and her hair catch fire, you know you’ve just made the worst mistake of your whole life. Don’t mess with team RWBY’s hot headed brawler.
Adam goes in for an overhead swing with his sword in an attempt to kill Yang... only for her to catch the blade with her metal arm.
Yang: (angrily) Gotcha.
Yang’s hair ignites and her eyes turn red as she activates her semblance, yanks Adam’s sword down and delivered a powerful blow to his gut, sending him flying back and smashing through the ground.
Prelude[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!
Death Battle[]
In the middle of a forest near a cliff is a trail of destruction. A path of broken down trees and dirt leading all the way to the source. There lies a crashed ship emitting smoke and sparks while the Reds and Blues stand in front of it.
Washington: Alright, we'll be heading out to investigate where we crash landed. We’re on an unknown planet so be on guard. There could be hostiles nearby.
Caboose: Ooh, can I come? Can I?
Washington: ...Ummm... no. You see you need to... um...
Tucker: You need to guard the ship.
Caboose: ...Guard the ship? You mean the broken one?
Washington: ...Yes?
Caboose: ...OK! I can do that!
Tucker: Just don’t move. Like at all. Do not leave the ship under any circumstances, and don’t talk to anybody either. Got it?
Caboose: Got it.
Grif: Why am I not confident in that answer?
Carolina: Doesn’t matter. We need to hurry, we’re wasting time and by the looks of things it’ll be night soon. I’m not too keen on finding out what the wildlife here is like at dark, so let’s get moving people.
And so the group, safe for Caboose, left the crash site to investigate, leaving Caboose waiting at the crash site holding Freckles.
Caboose: Guarding. Guarding. And I don’t have a tall fluffy hat. Freckles, do you think I would look good with a tall fluffy hat?
Freckles: Affirmative.
Caboose: 'gasp'! What if I got you a tall fluffy hat too! We could be tall fluffy hat buddies.
SNAP!
Caboose: Wuwuzat?
Looking to the left of the crash site, Caboose sees the silhouette of a person walking towards him. They come into view revealing themselves to be Yang.
Yang: 'whistle' Man this place is a mess. Hello.
Caboose: Hi.
Yang: So, I’m gonna guess you caused all of this.
Yang gestures to the mass destruction of the forest around them and the crashed ship while Caboose starts to get nervous.
Caboose: Wh- um- pfft, no. I only pressed... some of the buttons on the screen with flashy lights. I think we can all agree that it was the ships fault.
Yang: Well, if you would just come with me then you could tell me what happened on the way.
Caboose: Yeah, um, yeah about that. I’m not supposed to move so I can’t do that.
Yang: Really now? You won’t like what happens if you don’t just make this easy.
Caboose: ...Ah yes. 'ahem' I have been given... um, orders! To, uh, (quietly) what was the other part?
Freckles: To stay put and guard the ship.
Caboose: To stay put and guard the ship!
Yang: Welp, I tried to warn you. I was told that if you didn’t listen I could just take you in by force if I have to.
Caboose: ...Yes. I definitely know what that means and am not confused.
Yang: Hmph, good.
Yang grins as she transforms her gauntlets into their weapon form as she takes a stance, ready to fight.
Yang: Cause that means you know what happens next.
Freckles: Threat level increased. Preparing to engage in combat with the threat.
Caboose: I don’t want to guard anymore. But if I don’t guard it then everybody will be mad at me.
Freckles: Then I suggest we carry out our task in guarding the ship so that they don’t.
Caboose: ...That makes sense (aims Freckles).
Yang: That’s more like it.
FIGHT!
Caboose begins firing Freckles at Yang, who starts blocking and dodging the shots before firing several rounds from her gauntlets. The shots hit Caboose in the head creating smoke that blocks his field of view. Yang immediately begins her assault rushing in and landing several hits on the dazed Caboose. He retaliates by swinging his gun in an attempt to hit her, but she skillfully avoids the desperate attack. She then fires a powerful blast behind her and launches herself towards Caboose, landing a heavy blow to his face launching him back a few feet. He gets back up and begins talking to Freckles.
Caboose: Freckles, could you turn on the auto marketing thingy please?
Freckles: Aimbot setting: Activated.
Caboose begins firing at Yang who once again tries to block and avoid the gunfire, but this time to no avail. She was unable to avoid the shots and each time she blocked, the bullets simply went past her gauntlets. Realizing this she quickly ran to hide behind a tree while taking continuous gunfire. After hiding behind a tree, she waited until the shooting stopped, and when it did she rounded the tree to catch Caboose off guard, only to be met by said blue soldier charging right at her. Leaving her no time to react, he rammed right into her and began tackling her until he ran into a tree. He backs up while Yang recovers and goes in to swipe her with Freckles. She notices this and ducks the attack as it tears through the tree.
Thinking quickly Yang leaves several sticky bombs on the tree and jumps out of the way. Caboose was about to go after her, but the bombs detonated causing the tree to fall onto him. He holds his hands out and catches it, stopping the tree before it hit him. While he was occupied with that, Yang came rocketing in and delivers another blow to his head, causing him to fall back out of the way of the tree and dropping Freckles.
Caboose: Freckles!... this is no time to be lying around.
Yang: Think fast!
As Caboose was about to go and pick up freckles, Yang grabs his shoulder and forcefully spins him around delivering another set of punches and kicks. Caboose holds his arms up in a fruitless attempt to block the explosive punches before Yang attaches some sticky bombs to his helmet. He looks at them confused as Yang jumps up and slams both her gauntlets onto his head just as the bombs go off, causing Caboose to stumble back staggered and faced away from Yang. She began walking slowly towards Caboose confident that she would win and goes in to continue her assault, but just as she goes in for a punch Caboose quickly spins around and delivers an uppercut to Yang’s gut sending her flying several feet back. She gets back up surprised at the force of the punch as Caboose goes to pick up Freckles.
Caboose: You... are not a very nice lady. You are a very mean lady. And I do not like mean ladies.
Yang: Oh you think that’s mean?
She proceeds to take a stance as embers form around her and she begins to glow slightly. Suddenly a small burst of force emits from her and pushes the air around her away as she gives Caboose a devilish grin, activating her semblance and adding the hits she took to her strength to give her a small boost.
Yang: I’ll show you mean.
Yang begins rushing at Caboose as he starts to fire at her landing every shot, but she just powers through them and pushes ahead. As she got close Caboose stops firing and attempts to hit Yang with Freckles, but she slides under the predictable attack and trips him over. While he’s on the ground Yang jumps into the air and charges up for a powerful attack. As she goes to slam down on Caboose he rolls out of the way in panic, avoiding the attack but still getting hit by the shockwave, sending him tumbling along the ground. He gets back up and is met with a kick to the face, but he retaliated by grabbing her leg and spinning her around slamming her into a tree before drop kicking her as she tries to recover. He starts walking towards her while she’s still on the floor and goes to stomp on her, but she quickly punches the floor letting off a blast that creates a ton of dust and smoke. Caboose stomps on Yang only to find she wasn’t there anymore and looks around in the cloud of smoke he was in.
Caboose: Hello? Are we playing hide and seek now? I like that game. Church and I would play that. I would always win when I was hiding and he could never find me.
Yang sees Caboose looking around aimlessly and talking to himself, so she goes in to sneak up behind him under the guise of the smoke to sneak attack him. Just as she was nearing him she prepares to knock him out with a strike to the back of the head, until...
Freckles: Behind you Caboose.
Caboose: (turns around) Yes?
Caboose holds his hand out as he turns around and accidentally backhands Yang so hard she is sent flying out of the smoke cloud. She tries getting up dazed and very, VERY confused as to what just happened as Caboose comes out of the cloud nonchalantly while talking to his gun shortly after.
Caboose: Freckles, you are not allowed to tell me where the hider is in hide and seek. That is cheating.
Freckles: Apologies. I was unaware that we were no longer in combat.
Yang overhears the conversation and starts getting annoyed that he wasn’t taking any of this seriously. She hops back up and swaps out her normal rounds for red explosive shells while a red glint appears in her eyes for a split second.
Yang: Are you seriously not taking any of this... well, seriously!?
Caboose: You look very mad. Are you mad?
Yang: You’re getting on my nerves, that’s for sure.
Freckles: We are now in combat again.
Yang begins firing many explosive rounds at Caboose as he dives out of the way of the shots and letting them hit a tree, causing it to blow up. Caboose sees this and begins to panic, getting up and running back toward the ship as Yang launches a barrage of explosive shelling from her gauntlets as she chases after him.
Caboose: Running, running, running, running, running, running!
Caboose makes it back to the ship just as Yang flies in punching him in the back and sending him face first into the side of the ship. Pulling his face out of the metal hull he gets out of the way of a punch but is quickly met with another that lands on his head, before Yang starts unleashing a barrage of combustive blows, each punch creating an explosion. Caboose powers through and grabs her shoulders before head butting her and kneeing her in the gut sending her staggering back a bit. He presses forward and grabs Yang’s arm as he throws her over his shoulder into the ship. He rams into her with a shoulder bash and begins landing his own punches on her as she attempts to block them, but then Caboose yanks her forward and lands a big swing on her face sending her to the floor. He grabs her leg while she’s down and begins slamming her against the ground over and over. Yang kicks away his hand and recovers, proceeding to land multiple hits on Caboose as he tries blocking. He starts swinging forward trying to land hits on her as she easily dodged the attacks and ducks under a punch, leading into it with an elbow to his gut using her gauntlets blast to increase the strike, sending him several feet back.
Caboose gets back up and arms himself with Freckles as Yang gets ready to start firing at him. They both start shooting as Yang’s explosive rounds land right on Caboose, dazing him a bit before Yang comes in and punches him in the face and grabs him from behind, suplexing him into the ground. As he gets up, Yang roundhouse kicks his head turning him around before attaching several sticky bombs to his back and kicking him away. He goes to turn around but right as he did the bombs attached to his back detonated, sending him flying forward and into Yang’s fist, cracking his helmets visor and causing him to do several backflips before hitting the ground dizzy.
Caboose: Sky is spinning and cracked. Please stop spinning. My head hurts.
Yang: Well, that was fun. Alright now I’ll just take this.
Freckles: Hands off.
Yang picks up Freckles from the ground and keeps it away from Caboose, but it starts firing off on its own trying to hit Yang.
Yang: Woah, jeez, okay you’re outta here!
Yang chucks Freckles over the cliff that the ship had crashed near as Caboose gets up to see her throw Freckles away.
Caboose: Freckles!
Yang: Man that guy sure was ‘triggered’. Eh, get it? Cause he’s a gun-Woah!
Caboose had gotten up and charged at Yang, tackling her as they both start nearing the cliff. She fires a round at his feet causing him to fall over and drop her before they fell off the cliff. She gets back up and quickly avoids a big swing from Caboose. She goes in to punch him but he grabs her arm and pulls her toward him, but instead of hitting her like before she ducks under the attack. He keeps up the pressure and tries to land more hits as she keeps dodging. She sidesteps out of the way of a hit but Caboose grabs her hair as she does and yanks on it, stopping her from dodging and finally landing a punch on her face. She sees several strands of hair in his hand, which is not a good thing for Caboose who has no idea what’s coming.
Yang: That’s... it!!!
Yang stomps on the ground activating her semblance as fire surrounds her, her hair shoots up engulfed in flames and her eyes turn red in anger.
Yang: You thought I was mad before? Well get ready cause now I’m angry!
Caboose: Ah, you are on fire, yes, tha- that is bad. Very bad.
Yang rushes in and lands a heavy hit on Caboose who tries to block it, but it easily breaks through and sends him skidding to the edge of the cliff. He looks behind him and down the cliff as he hears a shotgun blast before Yang comes in and punches him, causing him to stumble back and trip over the edge, but not before he grabs onto her arm taking her with him as they both begin falling. Caboose, still holding onto Yang’s arm, begins punching her in the face before she kicks off of him and gets out of his grip. She blasts toward him and grabs his head, shoving it into the side of the cliff dragging it against it as they both fell. She releases him as he begins to spiral through the air and recovered very dizzy, faintly seeing Yang close in on him and feebly outstretches an arm to punch her, but she catches it, grabs his other arm and uses her semblance to swing him around and throw him down at high speeds before rocketing after him. The ground comes quickly as Caboose slams face first into it with enough force to crack the ground and bounce back up slightly as Yang shoots in landing a powerful blow on his back, slamming him into the floor once again and creating a large crater as the ground shakes from the impact.
Caboose weakly tries crawling away but Yang grabs his legs and begins spinning him around, throwing him up into the air. She begins firing explosive rounds upon him as he is unable to do anything but take the continuous shots head on as he nears the ground, but before he can hit it, Yang slams her fist into him with enough force to send him flying through the air. Caboose hits the ground away from Yang and tries getting back up, seeing Freckles on the floor in front of him and picks him up.
Caboose: Freckles! Ah you are okay. I am so glad to see you. Do not go wandering off like that again.
Freckles: Apologies. It was out of my control.
Caboose: Dah who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at yo-
Freckles: Hostile incoming.
Yang came up behind Caboose and grabbed him, picked him up and slammed him into the ground. He attempts to shoot at her but she simply ignored the shots and punched the ground creating a shockwave that sends Caboose back.
Yang: You ready to give up? I’ll give you the chance to apologize and maybe I’ll go easy on you again.
Caboose: You fight very angry. I do not like you. You are a very angry person.
Yang: So? Is that a no?
Caboose: ...(strained) But I can fight angry too.
Yang: Alright. You asked for it.
Yang begins charging at Caboose, using her shotgun blasts to increase her speed while Caboose begins focusing what very little brainpower he had.
Caboose: (strained) I just need to think of things that make me angry, like... babies... and... strawberry... ice-cream...
Yang punches Caboose so hard that he rockets into the side of the cliff with enough force to break the wall he hit, causing several pieces of debris to start falling. Caboose gets on his knees as Yang blasts toward him charging up her semblance just as a large rock begins falling on them both. Yang’s fist closes in on Caboose and the large rock closes in as well, before the rock hits the two of them, shattering and creating a cloud of dust.
All that was heard was the sound of a muffled shotgun blast as the dust cleared, revealing the two of them in the center unfazed by the boulder hitting them... and that Caboose had caught Yang’s fist as she stared on with wide eyes.
Caboose: (deep voice) My name is Michael J. Caboose. And I...
Caboose gets up off of his knees and onto his feet still holding Yang’s fist.
Caboose: (deep voice) Hate...
Yang tries to punch him with her mechanical arm, but he simply caught her punch and looked at her.
Caboose: (deep voice) Taxes!
He yanks down on Yang’s mechanical arm and delivers a harsh uppercut to her jaw, launching her back several feet away. She recovers and reloads her explosive rounds while adding the hits she took to her power as fire surrounded her, meanwhile Caboose put Freckles on his back and cracked his knuckles. They both charge at each other and reel their fists back, meeting with their punches clashing hard enough to crack the ground around them. They begin trading blow after blow with no signs of stopping. Caboose goes in for a big swing that Yang dodges, but he spins around and lands the punch on her head. He grabs her head and starts squeezing as hard as he can while she tries to get out of his grasp. She attaches several sticky bombs to him as he releases her. She tries getting back, but he brings her into a tight bear hug causing her to get hit by the bombs as they went off as well. She falls back but immediately rebounds and jumps forward ready to land a downward punch on Caboose as he goes in for an uppercut, but her attack was a feint as she uses her gauntlets to blast out of the way, causing Caboose to miss and allowing Yang to get some free hits in. She kicks him in the throat and knees his face as he grabs her and tosses her aside. He runs in and jumps up to stomp on her as she rolls out of the way and rushes back in.
She goes in to punch Caboose, but he catches her arm by the gauntlet. She tries punching his hand away but he catches her mechanical arm by the gauntlet as well. She begins using as much of her semblance as she can, using all of the power she gained taking hits in their fight to try to overpower him. Her strength rises exponentially and her hair shoots up in flames and the dust around her is pushed away as she begins to overpower Caboose, pushing him back as he tries resisting. He also decides to use as much strength as he can and stops her in her tracks as he begins squeezing on her gauntlets. Yang notices this and tries pulling back, but as strong as she was she couldn’t get out of his grasp as he gripped harder and harder, until her gauntlets began to crack. With one last squeeze, he shatters both of her gauntlets in his hands, rupturing the explosive rounds inside them causing them all to explode in a massive blast.
Yang is sent soaring back, hitting the ground and skidding against it. She shakily gets back up as her aura flickers weakly, her prosthetic arm heavily damaged. But Caboose was unfazed by the blast and quickly closes in on her. With one last punch Caboose shatters her aura, grabs her mechanical arm and kicks Yang, ripping it right off of her as sparks emit from it. She is sent tumbling along the ground away from Caboose as her head starts bleeding and tries to get up. Caboose starts running towards her as fast as he can and right as she gets on her knees and looks up at him, Caboose kicks Yang’s head hard enough to completely tear it from her body, sending it flying off in a bloody splatter as her body falls to the floor. Caboose stands there panting before regaining himself, returning to his original clueless self.
Caboose: (normal voice) ...My throat hurts... what were we doing?
Freckles: We were guarding the ship.
Caboose: Ah! That is right! Good boy Freckles. I will give you a cracker when we get back.
Freckles: Acknowledged.
Caboose happily trots off back to the ship to ‘guard’ it until the others return, completely missing the beheaded corpse of Yang bleeding on the ground.
Results[]
KO!
Boomstick: It’s going! It’s going! It’s... clean off her shoulders... Dibs on Caboose for my football team.
Wiz: Yang was a tenacious opponent. Her uniquely suited semblance paired with her skill and weapons would dominate most fights, however this just wasn’t one of them. Yang had much more skill and experience under her belt with the several academies she trained at, making her the better well-rounded fighter compared to Caboose, and her semblance and gauntlets offered her much more destructive power allowing her more control over the pace of the fight, but Caboose has several big advantages in his own right.
Boomstick: She may have more destructive weaponry, but Caboose had way more accuracy than her. He’s landed a headshot with a sniper and instantly gunned down Agent South even though he didn’t know where she was before he started firing, and paired with Freckles’ aimbot meant he practically couldn’t miss his shots, while even gigantic targets like huge Nevermores are hard targets for Yang to land hits on from a range. He was definitely the deadlier ranged combatant, but it’s not like that really mattered too much since they’re at their best up close.
Wiz: In the beginning it was pretty obvious that Caboose was much stronger than Yang. Her best strength feat comes from launching a 20 ton Paladin with a punch, and don’t forget that Yang needed to build her semblance up drastically in order to do this. She isn’t anywhere near that strong normally.
Boomstick: Meanwhile Caboose is in leagues with Agent Texas, who could flip a 66 ton tank with total ease, and he himself could lift Andy, who is supposedly even heavier. More than 3 times heavier than the Paladin. She was more agile with her huntress training and explosive gauntlets, and their reactions were pretty even with Yang likely being slightly quicker, but while it might look like she would be faster, believe it or not Caboose actually had this category on lockdown.
Wiz: That’s right. Yang herself has never showcased the same faster than eyesight speed feats that Caboose has shown he’s capable of time and time and time again, the best examples being completing Washington’s obstacle course and catching up to Huggins, even when we scale her to other characters excluding ones that are clearly too fast to scale her to. Not too good for her since, as we said, she has a hard time fighting opponents much faster than her.
Boomstick: But it’s not like she’d be falling behind forever. Thanks to her semblance she could eventually get stronger than Caboose if she takes enough damage and with her obviously being smarter, she could make good use of it and avoid any deadly hits while landing all her own... if she could last long enough, but while Yang has fought off hordes of Grimm with her team for an entire day, Caboose could hold out much longer before becoming exhausted because of how long he could hold his breath. Plus he’s got more endurance than pretty much all of his teammates, even Grif who once walked from Italy all the way to England. Hell, he was even still alive after half a gallon of blood was drained from him. Sounds ridiculous I know but hey, so is Caboose.
Wiz: While speed, skill, arsenal and strength are all important, what really mattered in this battle came down to how tough they were. With the heavy hits Yang could absorb and Caboose’s raw durability, it really all came down to what would break first. Yang’s aura or Caboose’s durability, which further boiled down to one defining question of the fight.
Boomstick: Could Yang build up enough of her semblance to overpower Caboose’s insane toughness. To answer that, let’s look at their best durability feats. When Yang fought that Paladin, she was smashed through three concrete pillars holding up a highway.
Wiz: The force to break through a concrete pillar like this is around 320 tons of force, more than enough to completely crush someone, but Caboose has shown he can withstand much more pressure for longer periods of time in increased gravity, and the mine that launched him into the sky had much more power and it didn’t even faze him.
Boomstick: So no dice there. Then there’s her best durability feat we can reasonably use for her. When she survived that runaway train crash. It punched a hole through the ground and even destroyed part of a building.
Wiz: Although she was protected by an ice barrier made by Weiss during the crash, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she took the full brunt of the impact. This would mean that Yang’s aura could absorb at most 7 tons of TNT! More than enough power to level a building, but remember the nuclear bomb planted in Church’s body that blew up in the Reds and Blues faces? This bomb created an explosion so powerful it destroyed a huge section of the ring they were on. Sarge stated that the explosive yield of this bomb when he made it to be at most 50 megatons of TNT! The same kind of power as the Tsar Bomba, the biggest nuke ever made by man! It’s likely much higher than that considering the enormous scale of the actual resulting explosion.
Boomstick: Oh it’s not that much more than the train crash, it’s only 7 MILLION times more powerful!!! There’s no way in hell Yang was gonna build up enough power to even come close to hurting Caboose. Even without taking the nuke into consideration, Caboose compares to the likes of Washington and Carolina, who both survived being near the blast of an orbital strike which downed a 110 story skyscraper, and Caboose’s casual durability meant that Yang couldn’t do much to him. Remember, how strong she can get is entirely dependent on how strong her opponent is, and while Caboose is really strong, his strength is completely overshadowed by his ridiculous toughness, so chances of Yang doing any lasting damage wasn’t very likely since even Caboose’s strength didn’t stack up the the kinds of hits he could take, plus while her own aura was tough, it could only last so long. Weaker fighters than Yang, like Mercury, have taken it down incredibly fast before and using her semblance just drains it even faster, so there’s no reason someone as fast and strong as Caboose couldn’t do the same. Once her aura was down, he had every opportunity to finish the fight.
Wiz: Overall, while Yang’s skill, agility, destructive power and rising strength could let her keep up, against Caboose’s greater might, surprising speed and unwavering durability, she was simply overwhelmed.
Boomstick: Her chances of winning were in the ‘Caboose’.
Wiz: The winner is Michael J. Caboose.
Next Time[]
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle!
???: It only takes one strike.
The figure is seen slicing down several bandits with a katana in the blink of an eye. The ones that survive are slowly killed as curse marks spread throughout their bodies.
WACHOUT!
A man with his hair tied in a ponytail and wearing a white robe is seen cleaving through dozens of robots with a katana.