Description[]
The combined minds of the monarchs of amphibia faces the last of the house of el from my adventures with superman
Intro[]
Wiz: Brainiac, The last of the Kryptonian Empire
Boomstick: And The Core, The all Mighty artificial recreation of Amphibia past
Wiz: These two hyper genius and manipulative artificial life forms stalk in the shadows as a representative of dark pasts.
Boomstick: They were created for good, but as we’ve known since Terminator - never trust a AI. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick and it’s our job to figure out who would win a death battle!
Brainiac[]
Wiz: The Superman is as much of an symbol as he is a man. Standing proud as an optimistic force against evil in the world, a role model we all apsire to be.
Boomstick: However, this Clarke is a little new to the whole thing. Born in to a world of cardboard with immeasurable power - Clarke tried his very best to conceal it until fate forced his hand into becoming what the people needed him to be. A hero. A protector. While the world knew what they *needed* him to be, he had no idea who he was. Not even where he was from.
Wiz: And maybe that’s for the best, knowing he was from an all destructive empire of genociders would probably break the poor kids heart. Not as much as the fact they’re all dead would but still.
Boomstick: Hey, things ain’t so bad! Just ask Kara! His cousin. And her father, BrainAH, What the fuck is that?
Wiz: That is intelligence. That is logic. That is God. That is Brainiac.
Boomstick: God? He’s a cartoon villain - He’s about to get no diffed by the power of friendship.
Wiz: Quiet yourself, Boomstick. Now - This isn’t your average Brainiac from the comic books. That version goes around stashing cities in jars like a my little pony fan does their toys in a sense of preserving life. This Brainiac is a lot less moral. Somehow.
Boomstick: Instead of a planet of science and beauty and all that lame shit that blew the fuck up - Krypton was an empire! Now that’s cool!
Wiz: Hardly. Krypton was an empire that waged war, after war. Claiming life after life until they found that bigger fish. That bigger army that left most extinct.
Boomstick: So, this Odin looking Jor-El sent Clarke away when he was a baby to Earth where humans found and raised him instead of trying to murder him. I can’t believe they ripped off Megamind like this.
Wiz: is your head just for display?
Boomstick: Why, because it’s so nice to stare at?
Wiz: Because there’s nothing in it
Boomstick: C’mon, man…
Wiz: This Brainiac served Krypton as the artificial intelligence bred to guide Krypton on its conquest yet managed to survive its destruction like a cockroach.
Boomstick: I thought he was a robot?
Wiz: He is many things.
Boomstick: And can do many things. He has a legion of robots he can control from space as they invade Earth. Able to fight and hold an equal fight with the last son himself.
Wiz: Not to mention his massive ship Kandor, capable of shooting many powerful lasers upon planets whenever his super pupil needs help. That’s a hint for later
Boomstick: Interestingly - for the prime Braniac behind shit, he’s not really all that cracked up to being. Super strength and speed sure, he’s able to fly - that comes in any comic character starter pack!
Wiz: Well, yeah! Brainiac is a genius but require others to do his bidding. That’s why he trains people up using the black mercy.
Boomstick: In the books, it’s some plant that wraps around your heart and has you trip balls until your seeing its truest desire. Here? It’s the training mode room in any fighting game. With the roster consisting of the fallen blood of those who crossed the kryptonian empire. Hawk People, Green Lanterns and Para- Parademons? D-Did Brainiac beef with Darksied… did he WIN??
Wiz: Let’s not think about it - it throws the power scaling out of wack. Besides if he did - it’s not him who did it.
Boomstick: Braniac can gatekeep and gaslight with the best of them - but when it comes to girlbossing, he relies on Kara.
Wiz: Kara is a funny, kind woman with a massive interest in other planets cultures such as Earth and Thanagarr… even when someone has mysteriously killed it
Boomstick: Thanagarr got no diffed? This really is an accurate dc adaptation! Unfortunately for Kara, she’s the one that’s sticking to the source material because she murdered the fuck out of those bird people. She didn’t want to, but Brainac is able to mind control her and force her to do shit she really doesn’t want too. Like genocide.
Wiz: While helpless to fight back against Braniac’s control - she’s anything but in this state - She’s able to lift up entire skyscrapers that judging by the presumed volume is a impressive feat of 1.669199 Gigatons of TnT! Even more impressive is how quickly she lifted the thing.
Boomstick: Measuring at over 100000 meters and getting it all the way into space in 4.4 seconds is mighty impressive. That’s covering 22727.2727 meters per second!
Wiz: That’s not as fast as they get, Boomstick! They can travel to the sun from a distance of roughly 149 kilometers away in 3.4 seconds. That’s a speed of 143.8106c. MULTIPLE times faster than the speed of light!
Boomstick: Kara should scale to her cousin - Who was able to lift this massive spaceship - by analysing the surface area and the volume (while assuming it’s constructed of aluminium as most spaceships are) Clarke is benching at least 488.85394359464629588 megatons of tnt… I could do that… I could with enough time.
Wiz: I believe you buddy. However, While plenty powerful in their own right - they are even stronger together. Kara and Clarke managed to part a cloud mass of 6,301,882,822,860.22700kg. Managing to move it correlates 849.2215 gigatons of tnt. Large island level to put it into perspective for those who don’t know the big numbers.
Boomstick: You guys are just like me! But things went from bad to worse when Brainiac pulled some Kenjaku shit, minus the backshots. Using this little headband - He just took over Clarke’s body - he made him a weapon, and considering how much this version of Clarke has an iron giant complex about being a soldier for the kryptonian empire… that’s really fucked up.
Wiz: But when apocalypse reined - Kara and Clarke embraced each other as family to face it. Brainiac was a formidable foe but like most abusers - without that sense of power, without the words to hurt those under his thumb - he crumbled.
Boomstick: And with him - the old ways of krypton faded. No longer was it about conquest, glory and the next battle. Clarke and Kara though to protect those without their power and secure truth, justice and a better tomorrow. Maybe all that wholesome nonsense isn’t all that dumb and hokey afterall.
Brainiac: Oh, I don’t need your co-operation… I just need you to kneel.
The Core[]
Boomstick: When three thirteen year old girls nicked a music box no one could predict the consequences… At least not these consequences.
Wiz: A magical land with frog people and quirky characters like Sadie Crocker, Maddie Flour and Tony.
Boomstick: Good old Tony. Fuck that cringeite mayor toadstool though. Now out of the three - it would appear that on paper, that Sasha got dealt the worst hand, being trapped within a frog dungeon with mister evil frog over there. But little did poor Marcy Wu realise the situation she was trapped in.
Wiz: Sure friends with a holly jolly Keith David newt king that plays a mean game of flipwart even though you win sounds a lot more fun then hanging with a bunch of frog farmers… until you get quite literally stabbed in the back.
Boomstick: Why would Keith David do this? Is he stupid? Or is he… evil?! Eccleston was right, never trust the monarchy! No matter what! They’re all a bunch of parasites in idiot hats!
Wiz: Andrias wasn’t always like this. He used to be nice. He used to be happy. He user to have friends.
Boomstick: But then his father Aldrich showed him something eldritch in the basement. This was the core.
Wiz: The core is an entity compromised of all of amphibia’s past monarchs and its other greatest minds. A being that’s existence could span beyond amphibia. With one mission - to expand to Earth and mine it to continue their way of life.
Boomstick: And as a little gift, he gave his son a music box. Heartwarming ❤️.
Wiz: Not quite - That was the calamity box with a prophesied unlimited amount of power.
Boomstick: A music box? That’s your major mcguffin. That’s lame - No wonder Leif wants that shit gone.
Wiz: That’s actually because when she touched it - she saw visions of a doomed future and begged the monarchs to change the course.
Boomstick: To Andrias’s credit - he was ready to listen until he saw her stealing it. He gave chase but lost out it in the end. And because of Leif’s betrayal he promised his lineage to keep the frogs in line. And soon, a lot of toad’s became fascists.
Wiz: And Andrias laid in the core’s palm when he took the crown. Literally, it’s in his crown. And that brings us to now.
Boomstick: Andrias really did like Marcy and even begged The Core to consider another host but alas. If only she didn’t beat him in flipwart
Wiz: And with a body - The Core was a threat! They were easily able to batter Grime and Sasha. The first was able to knock out this building sized worm and managed to do serious harm to Andrias - who’s able to block hits from an incomplete calamity form and massive town level explosions.
Boomstick: Sasha herself, without grime or any calamity, was able to cleave through this golem. Adjusting each limb’s separate volume and adjusting for the lava within it - This roughly translates to 3.58 tons of TNT… And they have this kid just going to middle school? Imagine saying the wrong thing to her and getting no diffed with a swing that could level the place. That’s like some sixty year old frog having light speed reactions. At least catch Mach 170 missiles like Anne!
Wiz: They are undoubtedly skilled with their scythe - but that isn’t their only trick. Obviously possession, but they hold a mastery of a weapons and can take over all forms of Amphibian technology and can even create illusions by projecting your worst fears onto you.
Boomstick: Got to be one of the worst kind of trips to go on. Having mama Boomstick scream at me because of my inadequacies really harshed my mellow.
Next thing, I thought the core was the moon.
Wiz: Boomstick… they are the moon.
Boomstick: Oh shit, actually? Thank god - I made a lot of notes on the moon. They create waves, Wiz! Meaning that the core actually can affect gravity on earth! Brainiac is finished!
Wiz: That’s nice Boomstick. Being able to maintain its mass in this form while travelling through space and didn’t show any damage when the calamity trio held them back.
Boomstick: Taking no damage is pretty impressive considering the fact they were holding back the fucking moon. That’s an output of around 2.7989506e+34 joules!
Wiz: And even with all this power - Andrias was still the Core’s biggest power. A massive sword in hand and able to shatter armies as a whole - and yet the core let him believe he was lesser. Belittling him at every time, infesting his mind with inferiority. Burdening him with doubt and their every last whim. All those minds, and yet it couldn’t believe that Andrias would ever stand against them. It could never believe Andrias could be bigger than them.
Boomstick: A manifestation of all their past rulers held them back from a better future - and with them gone, Amphibia finally could finally aspire to progress.
The Core: Fools… you cannot kill a god!
Fight[]
Newtopia, Amphibia
Within the throne room of the powerful city - Their king knelt like a knight before their true lord. The core stood hands behind their back. The many eyes upon their helmet closed, in thought. And suddenly they snapped open.
“Andrias.”
“Yes, my liege.” The man dared not look up at the consciousness, like a boy afraid of looking at his vengeful father knowing he had done wrong.
“Stand up, Damn you. A visitor approaches.”
“The human girls?” Andrias asked as he pushed himself up “And their frog farmer friends. Do not concern yourself sire. My guards will have them soon dispatched-“
“Silence, you oaf.” The Core spat out as it twisted Marcy’s mouth in to a grin. “Something much more unique is coming.”
And soon the ship of Kandor dawned upon the skies of Newtopia. Robots dawned from the open bottom like a hive. However there was two notable examples - One was identical to the rest apart from the cloak he dawned and another was far bulkier. More like armour the Android. A cape fluttering in the back. And they soon landed, they landed directly into the king’s front pad.
Andrias instinctively grabbed the hilt of his blade, only for The core to instinctively raise its stolen hand in a manner that told him to hold his blade - not even offering so much as a word as it took another step towards the invaders.
“What brings you?”
“Nothing by choice - We were merely guiding through space until we were taken somehow. Not quite sure how they got us here. Yet here we are.”
Silence lingers in the air
“Still though! A beautiful place! Give me the keys and it can stand by the throne of the kryptonian empire. Oppose me and it can be added to the ash.”
The core pondered. The core grinned. And it took the hand it was holding in the air and stuck it outwards. A signal to destroy.
Andrias leaped through the air, his flaming sword on full display - only to be just so quickly punched away by the bulkier of the metal men to bat him into the nearest pillar, snapping it in half as the blue newt collided with it.
“It is too be fire then.”
Fight!
Andrias leaped forward with a slash of his blade, as Kara swiped to the side and landed a clean punch to Andrias’s gut to launch him away. Nuts and bolts flew as their armies threw themselves at each other. Lasers soared through the air.
The two chess players stood back at a distance only staring at each other no matter how much oil spilled upon the floor, and how many bolts glided through the air and slammed the floor. In a display of power, Brainiac began to hover up in an effort to make the core shiver but alas. It only smiled, closing the distance between the two in seconds with a leap. It slammed its scythe from overhead - only to be met with one of Brainaic’s own forged from his own.
But yet again, the core smiles.
It uses the scythe to pull brainiac and toss him back towards the ground - zooming after him. He lands upon his feet and turns swiftly, ready to thrust into the chest of the cores host.
However, The host drops inches out of harms way and darts past delivering a nasty slash upon Brainiac’s back which sends him flying to the ground. The core went for a second slash to the neck, to give him no time to breathe. But robots have no need to breathe, allowing him to dodge and hit with a full frontal punch to Marcy’s gut. Marcy would be wounded. Marcy would be left open to attack - Marcy would be dead by now. But the core would force its puppet to dance. Once again sycthes clung.
Andrias’s sword swung violently around him like an animal as Kara effortlessly avoid contact, all while bouncing into him face first. Eventually he stopped to breathe.
Kara took the time to wrap her arms as far around Andrias’s Waist as she could before she began flying forwards smashing him through floor after floor until she reached a stop. There were no more floors to smash through. So reangled and continued to smash him through the floors creating new holes within them until they finally reached the floor they were fighting on before.
Pinned down by her great strength - Kara relentlessly pummelled the king shattering the ground beneath him. The Core noticed their underling’s fate and soon realised they would be next. As they matched each strike blow for blow - they theorised!
Suddenly their tentacles reached out grabbing, pulling, hitting like children would. Doing nothing which drew attention from Andrias. In this state of complete animalistic loyalty to brainiac’s whim and self defense - Kara was practically blind to the sneaking snake behind her.
He cut across diagonally. Expecting the robot to fall bank dead. Instead it was as he cracked an egg - because all that happened was something cracked out. Like a rocket, Kara bolted into the monarch and smashed him through the wall into The Great Hall.
However, Brainiac had been intelligent aswell. The mindless swinging wasn’t as calculated as he let on. More just a distraction to get into the amphibians systems. Took a while but he welcomed their services to the kryptonian empire. And with a thrust of his arm, he pointed them to the core.
Despite having tried to make this a one on one, The Core didn’t stay concerned. These were canon fodder and The Core was a tank.
“You believe you can wage war with millennia’s worth of your greatest minds?” The core boasted as they leaped side to side slashing Android after Android in its wake
“A millennia’s worth to only match a single unit within my complex? Why boast when you break so easily?” Brainiac spoke as if he jested as he waved his hand - and the two fallen androids behind him detonated and sent him flying in the air. A android flew faster to attack - only to be met with a slash through him, allowing his remains to fly past them as he split. To their surprise, Brainiac used this bot as a pawn for another one to land a shot to their back sending him right into Brainiac’s palm who tightly gripped their throat, as he prepared a final blast to incinerate their head. But the core is faster. They pull from his grip and jump over the tyrant
Brainiac prepared to snipe the core from its next landing spot. But it had disappeared into a puff of smoke. Gone in the wind. Brainiac tried to locate its target to no avail. Suddenly a tornado of green smoke surrounded him, trapping him. He stayed on guard, even as heads of krypton office emerged to berate him. He did not care for their words when they were alive, even less so from artificial spirits. A ploy for an attack and it came. A amphibian droid that the core must of took back over. It launched at him through the wind for Brainiac to easily slice it in two. But all that did was create two bombs.
He launched far and high, cracks forming upon his metal plate. But he was fine. He could still take down the enemy in the worst case scenario-
Like butter, the core’s flaming scythe sawed through him instantly - cutting him in half by the waist.
Supergirls brutal Beatdown stopped as her father roared out. She grabbed her head in splitting agony as his connection severed as he layed dying, screeching at a sound that could make heads explode.
The core towered over the broken body of krypton. Their scythe raised until Kara’s screams distracted them, and dared them to taunt the fallen android before the kill. “She could serve a useful host. And once her hands are my own I shall discet you as if you were flesh. Brainiac made no noise. And he had no face to react. It simply spoke. “But I am not flesh am I?” From behind him, his hand unleashed a tiny black machine that zoomed past the core’s feet.
“No. For now… and forever… my skin shall beeeee…” the small machine clung to Kara’s forehead like a bug. Electric ran along her body as she continued to scream - as brainiac fully consumed her, forcing his daughter to fully kneel.
She fell to her knees, the screaming only getting louder as the pain only worsened. Until suddenly it stopped. The pain. The screaming. Kara. Brainiac stood. Brainiac smiled. Brainiac spoke. “Shall be made of steel.”
Andrias charged. He could’ve landed a blow. Could’ve maybe cleaved through her at this moment. But when she sprung it out of that suit, despite the fact she was twenty five, all he could see was a helpless child, controlled by a metal monster. All he could see was Marcy. All he could think was his own sins. And out of that respect, he stopped short. He saw her eyes light up red. He didn’t care. He accepted this penance as a lasers shot through his chest.
Brainiac bounced off the ground as he left Andrias bleeding. Nothing vital hit. He would live as long as she didn’t come back for a second attack.
Brainac effortlessly weaves out of the way of the tendrils as he approaches the core. He reaches his arm back for a devastating punch as the core charges forward to meet him with a swing of their scythe. They overlap radius’s as The Core swings to slash him.
Only for him to disappear from vision as he darts out of the way. The Core attempts to react but it’s far too late. Brainiac cuts through the cord connecting Marcy to the core. Marcy gripped the helmet in agony, a fiery glow ignited her body. Lightning flew off her until she finally collapsed. Brainiac smirked at the fallen. That was until another amphibian android attempted to attack him, breaking its hands off as it slammed them down hard upon Brainiac.
The core was still present somewhere within the castle - naturally there was only one choice. Fire.
Brainiac flew high and fast, evading and flying through tentacles that reached out to him until he had smashed through the ceiling - and as soon as he was free he turned around quickly and unleashed hell as he opened his eyes. Flames consumed the castle until it had rubble and hell fire.
Andrias panted heavily as he lifted himself from his elbows and knees,to just one knee. His back had been scorched and burned and cut by falling debree but he’d be fine. He took the hit for Marcy, who he gently lifted by into his palm. He betrayed his friend for the core, all for it to be pointless. Dear god.
“You cannot beat me?.”
Andrias swallowed his fear as he looked up to see the woman floating in the sky.
“You are to be king now, correct?”
Andrias nodded in silence. A grin grew across the puppets face.
“You cannot defeat me, you cannot defy me. Your monarch is ash, your ha! Your Weapons? They have joined my side of the war. I am Krypton as you are Amphibia. You are the choice. The choice to kneel or burn.
Which must it be?”
It wasn’t a question. Andrias knelt.
“Coward!” His crown called. A solitary orange eye sprouted and glowed as it stared with pure contempt for the newt.
“A marvel what a cockroach can endure.” Brainiac muttered as it prepared his eyes to sear the crown clean off.
The core smirked with its eye.“Fool. You cannot kill a god, but it can allow you to die with it.”
Suddenly, the lands were acast a deep shade of red, as the moonlight shifted. A giant orange eye split open as several other eyes surrounded it.
The crown giggled. “Witness oblivi-“
Just as soon as they spoke, the crown was ash upon Andrias’s head. The disgraced king looked up himself at the falling moon with nothing but agony and misery. He had failed his kingdom, he had betrayed everything. For what? For this?
Brainiac had already took off as a fraud fell to his knees. He soon stopped before the giant eye of The core and simply stared into the celestial.
“What nonsense Hail Mary is this?” Brainiac sneered
“Fight all you want. You cannot prevent oblivion!” The core spat.
“So destroy your own land because it’s no longer yours? A Millenium of minds stuffed in there and this is your solution? Desperation makes fools of us all I suppose.”
The Core prepared to continue its journey. “There is nothing you can do to stop us, We-“
“I don’t need too.”
Even in space, this silence was deafening
“A thousand planets died at krypton’s altar, and a thousand more could perish. It would be an unfortunate fate for this world, yes. But I won’t stop to mourn. I need not stop you… But I do want to watch you burn.”
Before The Core could react, Brainiac flew across the moon searing it with Kara’s heat vision. The moon reached as its eyes popped and its wiring sizzled. The core’s helmet form laid melting and charred before Brainiac stomped on it, popping it like a balloon.
K.O
Brainiac smirked with a stolen face upon his victory - but found himself annoyed as he turned around to see four flying objects approaching him. Three were glowing children that he hardly recognised but one he had become all familiar with. That symbol on his chest. It fuelled him a rage as he charged towards them.
They would comply.
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: We’re all scared AI will be the death of us all - But what if AI is the death of AI?
Wiz: On paper this feels like a pretty close match - and on the chart it feels like The Core *Should have* won - carrying eleven of the advantages. Having a wider arsenal of weapons, abilities and powers. And being much more durable, taking hits from girls able to budge their moon in their form.
Boomstick: Both of their armies were on the same level (town) they could just take over the others army. Like chess if you swapped panes each turn. It just leads us into either a stalemate or a who’s quicker on the draw scenario. And Brainac has that covered.
*It should be worth noting that The Core would normally win if just on base in a close fight taking all three major stat categories. However we’ve allowed them their full armies for a much more fun fight and analysis - which helps Brainiac pull through.
Wiz: The core *at best* gets to hypersonic speeds comparing her to an incomplete version of calamity Anne tagging missiles going at Mach 170. Better then Brainiac scaling to Clarke going at speeds of 3902.1894m/s. That’s until we bring Clarke and Kara into the game who travel at 143.8106c. Multiple times beyond the speed of light once granted their full armies.
Boomstick: Not to mention their strength difference - While the Core did push back agaisnt calamity trio - that’s because the speed he applied managed to push forth against the pressure they exerted. Not through any physical strength of his own. At their best they are city level from scaling to Andrias. This is equal to Brainiac at his peak, until we factor in Clarke’s body as his own where he can create those Island level explosions worth 849.2215 gigatons of tnt. And while their armies are about equal - Kara is a much more helpful second in command to Andrias
Wiz: Not to mention, While the core has not been shown capable to control non amphibian tech, Brainiac can manipulate non kryptonian. There’s no reason to believe he can control the core, and there is reason to believe the core cannot him. Even then, The Core has no counter to Brainaic’s hypnosis putting them to bed, especially with all of those eyes.
Boomstick: That just brings up to the moon sized elephant in the room for Brainiac to deal with - The moon. Could Brainiac realistically take down the core when it’s the moon? Surprisingly - yes.
*It should be worth mentioning that yes, Brainiac has some form of super form. But as far as we can tell it gives him no advantage against anyone who is not kryptonian as the only difference is the amount of kryptonite.
Wiz: We know how that sounds - but the problem for Anne and Co is the moon was going to collide with and annihilate the land rather regardless if they stopped the core now. Brainiac wouldn’t give a fuck about the moons collision - and given that Kara was able to heat vison Thanagarr until the grass had all died and the water was evaporated completely - Brainaic could at least kill the core, at least when in Clarke’s body.
* Brainiac had two other potential ways to destroy The Core in its moon state. The first is using the bomb he used on Krypton - However since he never uses it after this fact, we can’t be sure he still has this. The next are his ships lasers - however we never get to see their full power on display so we can’t be certain.
Wiz: This was a fascinating display of technological gods but in the end, Brainaic had the brains, the brawn AND the hax to win!
Boomstick: With no ally to AId the core - Brainiac’s Brainiattack won out all ac-core-ding to plan.
Wiz: The winner is Brainiac.