Bowser VS Kuzenbo is a What-If? Death Battle by DiAma1.
Note that this battle will use Kuzenbo from Smite, not from the original Japanese mythology.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Bowser, King of the Koopas.
Boomstick: And Kuzenbo, King of the Kappa!
Wiz: Both are powerful turtle gods, but in the end, there can only be one.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to find out who would win in a Death Battle!
Bowser[]
Wiz: The Mushroom Kingdom is a vast land. A land so great and powerful that an evil king wanted to conquer it all for himself. This was King Bowser, and he would let nothing stand in his way.
Boomstick: He kidnapped the princess, turned the citizens into bricks, and was ready to take over. Only issue was, there were two pesky Italian plumbers standing in his way, and over the years they foiled his plan time and time again.
Wiz: Bowser never gave up, though. No matter how many times the Mario brothers stopped him from conquering the Mushroom Kingdom, he always came back, just as determined every time.
Boomstick: In order to keep losing and getting back up, Bowser needs some serious weaponry. Weaponry which he has plenty of. He has a super-tough shell with massive spikes that he can shoot out like a cannon! Plus, his claws and raw strength are not to be messed with.
Wiz: Aside from his natural weaponry, he also carries plenty of random weapons like hammers, Mecha-Koopas, spike balls, which he can rain from above with his flying Koopa Clown Car.
Boomstick: Have we mentioned that he's magical? Because he is! He can breathe fire, transform his enemies into bricks, grow to massive sizes, and even breathe in space!
Wiz: Bowser also commands a giant army composed of Koopas, Goombas, Shy Guys, Hammer Bros, Bullet Bills, and way more.
Boomstick He can survive being thrown into lava, even when he melts down to nothing but bones, and has survived being hit with a supernova! He's even been sucked into a black hole on multiple occasions.
Wiz: With all this strength, however, comes weakness. Namely, he's really stupid. He can't strategize or make plans, and he always underestimates the Mario brothers even though they constantly defeat him. His own traps and weapons almost always are used against him, and he can't even read.
Boomstick: Still, you don't need to be smart when you have the strength that he does. Even with his flaws, Bowser strikes fear into the hearts of Toads everywhere! Beware the mighty King Bowser!
Kuzenbo[]
Wiz: Japanese mythology is home to many dangerous spirits known as yokai, mythical creatures that wreak havoc on the human world. Some of the most dangerous and oft underestimated yokai are the kappa, turtle-men with a hunger for human souls... and cucumbers.
Boomstick: Wait... I thought kappa were those funny little guys from Twitch chat.
Wiz: Sigh. Anyways, no kappa is quite as dangerous as their king: Kuzenbo! Marching into Japan, Kuzenbo and his army of kappa nearly destroyed Japan and its people by ripping their souls out through their anuses. That was, until Kato Kiyomasa defeated Kuzenbo in a duel, and made him promise to never attack humans again.
Boomstick: While Kuzenbo and his kappa army honored the promise to leave humans alone, Kuzenbo simply began hunting for bigger game: gods.
Wiz: In order to fight and kill gods, Kuzenbo has a wide variety of abilities. For example, the bowl of water on his head fills up every time he gets hurt, making him stronger and less susceptible to damage. If he gets thrown or knocked into the air, however, his bowl loses half of its water.
Boomstick: Kuzenbo can also summon and throw a kappa, called Nene Kappa, at his enemies. Nene Kappa bounces and ricochets around in its shell, and can fight on its own too.
Wiz: Kuzenbo's spikes on his shell also have the ability to reflect damage back at enemies that hit him. He can also sumo-tackle his opponents and push them, including very heavy gods like Jormungandr, who wraps around the entire earth!
Boomstick: His ultimate ability is called Watery Grave. He spins around in his shell and creates a whirlpool of water that knocks enemies back. He can slide around while doing this, travelling the whirlpool with him.
Wiz: Kuzenbo is able to fight and defeat gods like Zeus, who was able to fight the Titans as well as the Yoruba god Olorun. Olorun is able to destroy entire universes! He can also keep up with gods like Ratatoskr and Hermes in speed. Ratatoskr is able to climb around the galaxy-sized Yggdrasil tree very quickly, and Mercury is able to run through the heavens and underworld, which are entire universes, making them far faster than light!
Boomstick: Kuzenbo also leads an army of 9,000 kappa, which were able to defeat the Japanese military with ease. In short, there is very little that can defeat Kuzenbo.
Wiz: As the most powerful yokai in all of Japan, one would be a fool to underestimate Kuzenbo, King of the Kappa.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
Inside a dark castle, King Bowser sat upon his throne with his arms crossed. Suddenly, the door to the throne room shook once, before being kicked down. When the dust settled, Kuzenbo stood in the doorway and laughed. Bowser was furious! He got up from his throne and roared.
Bowser charged at Kuzenbo and threw a punch, which connected with the Kappa King's right cheek, sending him flying backwards. He flew backwards but landed on his feet. He began to sumo-charge towards Bowser, who was also running at Kuzenbo. Their hands caught each other and they pushed against each other. They struggled for a moment, but Kuzenbo overcame Bowser and slammed him back against a wall.
Both of the turtle kings crashed through the wall, falling out of Bowser's castle. They tumbled in the air, and Bowser spewed out a spire of flame towards his enemy. As the fire hit his torso, Kuzenbo's bowl on his head began to fill up, giving him more strength. Kuzenbo grabbed onto Bowser and pile-drove him into the ground.
When Bowser got up, he noticed that they had landed next to a river. Swimming out from the depths came hundreds of kappa ready to charge. Bowser roared, and from the sky came a bunch of Para-Koopas and Para-Goombas, which started fighting against the kappa. Kuzenbo picked up one of his kappa minions and threw it at Bowser, and it spun in its shell at rapid speeds. Bowser deflected it with his shell, and the kappa flew back towards Kuzenbo, hitting him in the face.
Bowser began throwing hammers at Kuzenbo, but Kuzenbo charged right through them and they bounced off of him. Bowser caught the charging Kappa King, however, and spun him around before slamming him into the ground. He then drop-kicked his opponent and sent Kuzenbo rolling backwards.
Suddenly, out of the sky, Bowser's Koopa Clown Car flew down and he jumped in. He dropped a giant spike ball from the sky and it began to roll towards Kuzenbo. Kuzenbo got into his shell and began to spin, creating a whirlpool. The whirlpool caught the spike ball and spun it around before launching it back at Bowser, knocking the Clown Car out of the sky. Bowser got in his shell and began to spin. Both turtles slammed into each other in their shells and bounced away from each other. They zoomed towards each other again, and Bowser jumped out of his shell before kicking Kuzenbo's shell, sending him flying.
Kuzenbo landed and got out of his shell, and looked up to see that Bowser had grown to the size of a kaiju. Kuzenbo grinned, and charged towards the giant Bowser. Bowser breathed fire down, but Kuzenbo dodged it. He then grabbed Bowser by the toe, and swung him around before throwing him. Bowser crashed into his castle, destroying it. As Bowser staggered to his feet, he noticed that a giant whirlpool was moving towards him. He got sucked into the whirlpool and shrunk back to his normal size. The whirlpool grew into a hurricane, and Kuzenbo jumped through the air in the eye of it and punched Bowser. Bowser roared and scratched at Kuzenbo, leaving claw marks on his chest, but Kuzenbo grabbed his arm and snapped it.
Bowser roared in pain, and Kuzenbo grabbed onto his head. He headbutted the Koopa King, cracking his skull. He then slammed Bowser onto his back and elbow-dropped him. As Bowser laid on the ground bleeding and panting, Kuzenbo bit into Bowser's throat and ripped it out. He then grabbed Bowser's face and ripped the head off before holding it high in the air and laughing.
KO!
As the storm died, Kuzenbo looked around to see hundreds of dead Koopa Troopas and Goombas, defeated by his kappa minions.
Results[]
Boomstick: God damn!
Wiz: Let's get into why Kuzenbo won this fight. Firstly, Kuzenbo had way more raw strength. He's able to keep up with universe-busters, while Bowser has never shown anything close to that. He also had the advantage in speed, being able to move faster than light.
Boomstick: But what about Bowser's magic and hax? Well, Kuzenbo has fought against magical gods in the past, such as Isis, the Morrigan, and Morgan Le Fay, who can control magic to an incredible degree.
Wiz: Even with Bowser being able to grow giant, Kuzenbo was able to keep up, since he can fight against the massive planet-sized Jormungandr.
Boomstick: As far as their armies go, the kappa were clearly more competent than Koopas and Goombas. While Goombas and Koopas tend to just walk at their foes and die in one hit, Kuzenbo's kappa army was able to overpower the Japanese military.
Wiz: Yeah, it seemed that Kuzenbo had Bowser beat in almost every category. While Bowser put up a good fight, Kuzenbo's strength, speed, resilience, and superior army just had him beat.
Boomstick: That was one shell of a fight!
Wiz: The winner is Kuzenbo.