Boba Fett vs. Captain Falcon

Boba Fett vs. Captain Falcon
Season 4, Episode 7
Vital statistics
Air date	June 20th, 2015
Written by	ParaGoomba348
Directed by	Anonymous
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Boba Fett vs. Captain Falcon is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Boba Fett from Star Wars against Captain Falcon from F-Zero.

Description

Star Wars VS F-Zero! Which loser bounty hunter will finally score a win?

Interlude

Wiz: Bounty hunters - they are awesome.

Boomstick: But unfortunately, "awesome" doesn't directly translate into "good at Death Battle". In order to see which loser bounty hunter is less of a loser, we're pitting them in a battle. Boba Fett, the bounty hunter who couldn't beat Samus Aran-

Wiz: And Captain Falcon, the bounty hunter with four losses under his belt.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.

Boba Fett

Wiz: During a time where morality was ambiguous and worlds were dominated by either Sith or Jedi, there were a few who claimed faith to neither side and walked their own paths.

Boomstick: Of all these guys, none were more iconic than Boba Fett, clone of Jango Fett, and most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy.

Wiz: Even from life as a young child, Boba Fett was trained in the art of bounty hunting. After his father met a pitiful end, Boba Fett donned his father's armor and took his rightful place as the best bounty hunter in the galaxy.

Boomstick: Boba Fett's armor is pretty damn awesome, being made of Metal and Titanium-

Wiz: Uh, read this.

Boomstick: Hmm... Mandalorian armor... Freddy... sword... titanium... memes... Kirito... 3slow5Epyon... 420 blaze it... oh, I get it now. Sorry everyone, as it turns out, his armor is actually made of something called Mandalorian iron.

Wiz: Which I would usually shake my head at because it's stronger than titanium, but unlike metals like Nth Metal and Vibranium and whatnot, it's much heavier than titanium and sacrifices speed for durability.

Boomstick: It can even resist lightsabers, which can supposedly cut through anything. Boba Fett's gauntlets also have a bunch of cool weapons on 'em, like a flamethrower and a fibercord whip, and a shitton of stun missiles. His signature weapon is the EE-3 Carbine Rifle, which is so awesome that he protects it with his life.

Wiz: But Boba Fett wouldn't be Boba Fett without his signature jetpack. He can use this easily without the use of his hands, and it can reach a speed of 90 miles per hour. On the tip of it is an anti-vehicle missile, which can go at much higher speeds than his jetpack and destroy medium-sized vehicles in a single shot.

Boomstick: Boba Fett is pretty much a one-man army. This guy has killed many politicians, Jedi, and criminals, and fought Mace Windu to a standstill when he was only 12 years old! Then he hit puberty.

Wiz: However, Boba Fett has fallen into the Sarlaac Pit three times. That's three times. And it doesn't even move or anything. Seriously, Boba Fett should just stay away from Tatooine forever.

Boomstick: Even though in Disney's version, Boba Fett died in there, in the no-longer-canon Expanded Universe, Boba Fett blew himself up and escaped the Sarlaac Pit and became leader of the Mandalorian warriors, and held his own against Darth-

Wiz: Bullshit. Boba Fett got ONE swing in and then proceeded to get curb-stomped.

Boomstick: Boba Fett also has a bunch of lightsabers from all the Jedi he killed, and even trained Han Solo's daughter to kill her brother. That bastard! Still, Boba Fett's worst nemesis will always be that Sarlaac Pit.

Wiz: Honestly, Boba Fett is kind of an idiot. But one thing that he didn't have in his last fight that will be allowed in this fight is the Slave I, a spacecraft used to travel between planets that Boba Fett inherited from Jango Fett.

Boomstick: It's equipped with laser cannons, missile launchers, minelayers, cloaking devices, and it can go over 600 miles per hour in the atmosphere. It's a badass machine!

Wiz: Wow, that thing has a lot of weapons. Boba Fett also added some alterations to it to make it an even stronger anti-vehicle machine. But still, Boba Fett's greatest weakness remains his stupidity.

Captain Falcon

Wiz: It's fast. It's brutal. It's not guaranteed to be safe. It's one of the most dangerous races in all of fiction, the F-Zero circuit.

Boomstick: It's the masochist's favorite sporting event.

Wiz: One of the most fabled racers in this circuit is none other than Douglas Jay Falcon.

Boomstick: But we just like to call him, Captain Falcon! He's a badass by day, racecar driver by midday, bounty hunter by night, and even bigger badass by twilight! He's easily one of the biggest badasses in all of fiction.

Wiz: Not much is known about the captain, but we do know that-

Boomstick: FALCON PUNCH!

Wiz: -Yes, but we're not quite there yet. We do know that Captain Falcon has entered this race several times, and is a frequent champion of this race. But with every hero comes a rival... or two... or three.

Boomstick: Baddies like Blood Falcon, Black Shadow, and Samurai Goroh keep popping up everywhere, with their less-badass-than-Falcon's vehicles, and their stupid smug grins that they keep giving you EVERY TIME YOU FUCKING LOSE! Wiz, why did they have to make F-Zero GX so hard?

Wiz: Uh, I really don't know. Anyway, Captain Falcon's vehicle is the Blue Falcon, which is a high-speed racecar which can reach a terminal velocity of over 2000 miles per hour and can even survive what appears to be a fall from space. It is capable of making quick, sharp turns on a dime and appears to have some sort of device capable of ejecting Captain Falcon from the seat.

Boomstick: But off the racetrack, Falcon's a completely different story! He can SOMEHOW use fire and electricity... okay... and turn it into the coolest attacks ever! Like the Falcon Kick, a kick so badass that it propels him forward or downward, the Raptor Boost, which is so awesome that he can uppercut people with his fist on fire, and the Falcon Dive, which is not actually a dive because he just jumps up, and then blows them right up as he grabs them! But really... Wiz, you ready?

Wiz: Hell yes I am. Three...

Boomstick: Two...

Wiz: One...

Both: FALCON PUNCH!

Boomstick: Fuck yeah, the Falcon Punch! This is possibly the most badass attack in all of fiction. It is a punch so powerful, that it creates a huge falcon made out of fire on his fist!

Wiz: Calculating the speed and force needed to create such a powerful attack, we calculated Captain Falcon's punch to be the equivalent of a M.O.A.B. - a Mother Of All Bombs, also the most powerful non-nuclear bomb on the planet.

Boomstick: Wow... you... really better not get punched by that... fucking ever...

Wiz: Not if you value your life, you shouldn't. Remember when he used that to punch out a giant R.O.B.? Or when he caused an explosion that could be seen throughout the entire galaxy? That punch is a monster.

Boomstick: As of the latest Super Smash Brothers game, Captain Falcon can add electricity to his attacks. This is less powerful, but hey, it's electricity! What does he care?

Wiz: Also, in one comic, Captain Falcon took out a criminal using a laser pistol he had in his pocket, which appeared to kill this criminal, who happened to be wearing some form of armor. Falcon was shown to be a decent shot, but he almost never even used this anyway.

Boomstick: Because who needs a gun when you can just Falcon Punch everything? ...Did I really just say that?

Wiz: Captain Falcon may not seem like it, but he's got a decent amount of feats under his belt. He's a skilled fighter, being much smarter and more serious than Smash would have you believe. He also once killed Black Shadow, who is one durable guy, by the way, using a single Falcon Punch. He killed himself in the process, but remember that this powerful enough to shine through the entire galaxy, so it's not like anyone would have survived that.

Boomstick: But unfortunately, being badass doesn't come without its flaws. Captain Falcon isn't a very experienced fighter outside of Smash, and he's kind of predictable. That Falcon Punch is slow and easy to stop!

Wiz: But you really should try to stop it any time it comes at you. Man, just the thought of that punch, though...

DEATH BATTLE!

ParaGoomba348

Somewhere on a random starship above planet Earth

"First you fall into the Sarlaac Pit three times, then I have to rebuild you from scratch twice against that other bounty hunter who turned out to be a woman... why should I be paying you to do this?" asked a lower-class Sith in the starship.

Across from him, Boba Fett was prepared with an answer. "Look, I've found out that Captain Falcon is a loser. This guy has gotten defeated by a plumber, that same female bounty hunter, a fox, and some flamboyant guy in a red suit. I think I'll be just fine." He replied, loading his Carbine Rifle.

The Sith sighed. "Well, I guess I haven't a choice. You kill that man, I pay you. Don't expect money for an unfinished job."

Boba Fett nodded. "Right." He jumped out of the starship and into the Slave I, where he entered the Earth's atmosphere.

---

Somewhere on an F-Zero course

"Yes!" shouted Captain Falcon, crossing the finish line in the Blue Falcon and winning the F-Zero race again. He grinned and saluted, but then he looked up to see the Slave I flying above him. Boba Fett jumped out and landed on the ground, using his jetpack to cushion the blow. Captain Falcon raised his eyebrow as if to say, "Who are you?"

Boba Fett cocked his gun and pointed it at Captain Falcon. "Hands up. I'm getting a lot of money for you."

Captain Falcon grinned as his hands went ablaze. No criminal was safe from Captain Falcon.

FIGHT!

Boba Fett fired his Carbine Rifle at the captain a few times, and Captain Falcon dodged each shot with his quick reflexes. He ducked and rolled around Boba Fett's shots as he delivered a flaming punch into Boba Fett's midsection...

...Which failed miserably as the Mandalorian seemed to be unaffected. Captain Falcon stopped as he had actually hurt his own hand rather than do anything to Boba Fett, then he pulled back his hand and shook it around in pain.

While Falcon was shaking his hand in pain, Boba Fett took this opportunity to extend a fibercord whip from his right gauntlet. He lashed at Falcon, who winced in pain as he felt the blow from Boba Fett's whip. Boba Fett then fired a few stun missiles from his gauntlets at Captain Falcon, stopping the F-Zero racer in his tracks.

Captain Falcon struggled and squirmed as Boba Fett then jumped back and pulled out a blaster. He was about to fire when Falcon finally regained control of his body, then pulled out a laser pistol and fired it at Boba Fett. The Mandalorian was stopped cold as Falcon jumped up and caught is foot on fire.

"Falcon Kick!" shouted Captain Falcon as he slid along the ground and with a fiery foot, kicked Boba Fett in the chest. Boba Fett was knocked back several feet as Captain Falcon rushed alongside the ground and uppercutted Boba Fett into the air with a fiery Raptor Boost. Boba Fett went flying as Captain Falcon saluted.

But Boba Fett wasn't about to give up just yet. Boba Fett activated his jetpack, then started to fly upwards.

Captain Falcon saw what Boba Fett was doing, then jumped up while his hands were covered in flames. He grabbed hold of Boba Fett then jumped off of him as an explosion of fire resulted. "Yes!" Captain Falcon shouted as he jumped down, but his smile soon faded when he saw that Boba Fett's armor wasn't burned, or even singed. In fact, it seemed to have suffered no significant damage.

Boba Fett kicked Captain Falcon off of him as he plummeted back down onto the ground. The Mandalorian returned to the ground too as he pulled out his Carbine Rifle, then fired it at Captain Falcon. The captain's eyes widened as he didn't have the time to avoid the shot, then he took the laser blast straight in the chest and was knocked back. Falcon fell down, but then dusted himself off and got back up.

Captain Falcon ran at Boba Fett and punched him in the face and chest, then kicked him in the face then kneed him in the midsection, charging his knee with electricity. Boba Fett was temporarily stunned as Captain Falcon raised his leg up into the air and kicked Boba Fett onto the ground.

Captain Falcon began charging up an electric Falcon Kick, but then Boba Fett rolled out of the way as Falcon struck. Boba Fett then pulled out one of his most feared weapons - a lightsaber.

The captain jumped back as Boba Fett swung his lightsaber at him, and then he rolled and ducked out of the way as he uppercutted Boba Fett in the face. Boba Fett swung around in a circular motion then slashed his lightsaber at Captain Falcon again. Captain Falcon jumped back, but the tip of the lightsaber cut through his uniform and skin as some blood was drawn. Boba Fett then raised his lightsaber up, but Captain Falcon rolled out of the way and kicked Boba Fett in the back. Boba Fett fell down, but then he said something into his wrist gauntlet.

"Bring the Slave I!" commanded Boba Fett. The Slave I lowered itself down beside Boba Fett as he jumped in through the door and took aim at Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon grinned. "Show me ya moves!" Captain Falcon could only look on in awe at the sheer size of Boba Fett's starship. The Slave I fired a few lasers from its turrets at Falcon as he rolled out of the way to dodge them then jumped into his signature car, the Blue Falcon. The Blue Falcon raced away from the Slave I as the Slave I followed, but the Blue Falcon was speeding away too quickly. The Slave I fired lasers and missiles at the Blue Falcon, which it dodged easily. The racetrack around was beginning to get completely destroyed as the Blue Falcon jumped off a ramp and completely out of the race course completely.

But then, the Slave I turned completely invisible. Captain Falcon turned around to see the Slave I completely gone, so he thought. He scratched his head in confusion and slowed down, then suddenly the Blue Falcon was launched into the air as the Slave I fired a laser beam down at the ground that knocked the Blue Falcon up into the sky. Captain Falcon was ejected out of the Blue Falcon as he began falling down towards the Slave I, which now appeared to be completely visible. Captain Falcon charged up an electric Falcon Kick. "Falcon Kick!" shouted Captain Falcon as he brought his foot down upon the Slave I, and spun it out of control. It was knocked against the ground as it blew up, but then Boba Fett was ejected from it, and then Captain Falcon jumped back into the Blue Falcon and drove off.

Boba Fett wasn't quite done yet, though. He fired the anti-vehicle missile from his jetpack at the Blue Falcon, and it swerved to avoid the missile completely. It blew up a large rock in the distance, but it missed Falcon by a comfortable margin. Boba Fett flew towards the Blue Falcon in his jetpack, but he could not catch up to it. He pulled out his Carbine Rifle again and fired a few shots at it, which the Blue Falcon dodged. However, one shot got lucky and sent the Blue Falcon spinning out of control, and then Captain Falcon jumped out of it as it burst into flames.

Captain Falcon huffed at Boba Fett as he lit his hands and feet on fire. Boba Fett equipped his lightsaber. The two of them ran towards each other as Boba Fett slashed at Falcon, only for his swing to be dodged, and then Falcon elbowed Boba Fett in the chest with a fire-infused elbow. He punched Boba Fett in the face and in the stomach, then kicked him in the side with an electrically-charged foot.

Boba Fett swung his lightsaber at Captain Falcon, and then subsequently cut off two of Falcon's fingers. Captain Falcon winced in pain.

"I've gotcha right where I want'cha." Boba Fett pulled out his Carbine Rifle once more and aimed it at Falcon's head, ready to shoot. However, Captain Falcon had other plans. He slid down on the ground with another Falcon Kick, this time knocking Boba Fett upward. Captain Falcon grabbed hold of Boba Fett's foot, then threw him up as he charged up his fist with fire.

"Falcon..." Captain Falcon watched Boba Fett's movements. He knew that this next hit had to count. Boba Fett used his jetpack to regain mid-air balance, but-

"Punch!!!" Captain Falcon punched Boba Fett directly in the face, with his fist catching fire and releasing a fiery bird of prey. The impact resulted in a large, fiery explosion. The entire battlefield had been completely incinerated.

When all the smoke cleared, only one fighter was left alive.

He put his helmet back on and put his gun back into his pocket. He walked toward his destroyed starship as he let out a line of victory.

"Yes."

Captain Falcon saluted at the camera as he smiled and walked off.

K.O.!

Somewhere in the bleachers at the race track

All the audience had left. All except one, who was interested in the race.

"Who knew that racecar driving would be so... interesting..." asked a man in a red coat.

Results

Boomstick: That's... gotta hurt.

Wiz: This battle was incredibly close and almost too close to call. Boba Fett has weapons, experience, and durability on his side, but Captain Falcon has strength, speed, and battle smarts on his. However, there were many different factors which made the battle the way it was. While Boba Fett has been fighting longer than Falcon, he's still a bit of an idiot.

Boomstick: Captain Falcon is much smarter, and has enough experience to keep up. While Boba Fett's armor held up for the most part, it's not protecting him from a Falcon Punch anytime soon! As it turns out, those things have a force WAY more than that of a M.O.A.B.!

Wiz: Even if his armor could theoretically survive against it, the force would be more than enough to knock Boba Fett's head off of his body. Captain Falcon also won the vehicle battle, because even though the Blue Falcon has no weaponry or defensive armor on it, it is durable enough to resist the Slave I's attacks and is much, much faster than anything in Boba Fett's arsenal, including the Slave I, Boba Fett's jetpack, and his anti-vehicle missile.

Boomstick: Doesn't help that the Blue Falcon is much smaller than the intended targets for that missile anyway!

Wiz: Finally, Captain Falcon has enough durability on his side to keep up with Boba Fett, while Boba Fett's short and clunky movements meant that he would be evaded easily. "Oh, but Wiz, isn't Captain Falcon predictable?" Well, let me tell you: While his Falcon Punch sounds like a bad move on paper, Captain Falcon doesn't use this move like a Super Smash Bros. character. He only uses it when he knows it will connect.

Boomstick: He matched Black Shadow's movements, jumped out of the Blue Falcon to make sure that he'd hit the giant R.O.B. fast enough, and had Lucina stunned. He doesn't mess around with that punch! Boba Fett coulda had this one... but looks like Captain Falcon beat him to the punch.

Wiz: The winner is Captain Falcon.

Trivia

• Cameo Appearances:
  • Vincent Valentine