Description[]
These are technology users who fight crime with iconic personas and awesome machine suits.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Since the advancement of mechanical weapons in WWI, human beings have worked harder and harder to build weapons to make sure that we are safe and protected.
Boomstick: Heck, these two have plenty of this stuff that makes my favorite sound. KA-BOOM!
Wiz: The combatants who use such powerful technology we have here today are:
Anthony Edward Stark, the Golden Avenger known as Iron Man.
Boomstick: And Jamie Reyes, the third Blue Beetle!
Wiz: You mean Jaime Reyes.
Boomstick: Yeah. He's Wiz an' I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Blue Beetle (Jaime Reyes)[]
Ancient One-And-Only
Wiz: In the beginning, a archaeologist by the name of Dan Garrett discovered an ancient scarab that seemed to be of alien origin. Due to a cave-in that nearly killed him and his companion, the scarab attached to him and turned him into a half-human alien cyborg known as the Blue Beetle.
Boomstick: Nice story, Wiz. After Danny-boy passed away, he left the scarab to 'is buddy Ted Kord. Sadly, Ted just didn't fit the requirements fer the scarab.
Wiz: To be fair, it just didn't choose him.
Boomstick: After he got to be Blue Beetle without the scarab, some random kid named Jamie--
Wiz: It's pronounced HAI-Me.
Boomstick: Alright, Jaime ended up gettin' the magic scarab and made Blue Beetle a household name.
Wiz: It was also the use of the scarab, a piece of biological technology that belonged to the Reach who were a race of beings that were at war with the Green Lantern Corps. After calling truce, the Reach launched a series of units (A.K.A. the scarabs).
Boomstick: After thousands of years, the scarab was first picked up by ancient Egyptian Pharaohs, then it ended up in a deserted lot in Texas. Oh and got picked up by Jaime.
Wiz: Okay, backstory over.
Boomstick: Yer right, let's talk 'bout this awesome scarab!
Wiz: This alien A.I. named Khaji Da was originally supposed to make Jaime into a conqueror of the entire planet, but thanks to Zatanna and ancient Earth Magic Khaji Da decided to protect humanity.
Boomstick: Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Khaji Da can make armor to protect Jaime from lasers, bullets, knives and even telepathy!
Wiz: Thanks to the design of the scarab, Jaime was given multiple superhuman powers such as:
- Superhuman strength.
- Flight.
- Increased healing.
- Protection from hazardous environments.
- Energy absorption (He once drained a planet destroying weapon).
- Armor configuration.
- Creating extendable claws (along with plasma cannons, spiked maces, bladed weapons etc.).
- Drones.
- Cryo Blaster.
- Can create shields.
- Can create countermeasures against any number of opponents.
- And can even create bubbles that the Flash couldn't get into.
DeathBattleMike
Boomstick: Dang that's awesome! Hey Wiz, can ya make me one of them beetle things?
Wiz: Boomstick, even if we had the budget for materials it would be impossible because the technology could possibly never exist in our lifetimes!
Boomstick: Wiz, ya made a ray gun that turned ma beer can inside out. Make me that scarab!
Wiz: Fine.
Boomstick: Great! Now, let's get talkin' 'bout all this great stuff Jaime did with the scarab.
Wiz: After being mentored by Batman and joining forces with the Teen Titans--
Boomstick: Wiz! What cha' doin' here?!
Wiz: Boomstick, we both have to host this series. Don't worry, I'll work on the scarab afterwards, okay?
Boomstick: Alright!
Wiz: After being mentored by Batman and and joining forces with the Teen Titans, Jaime accomplished near impossible superhuman feats with the help of the scarab and the mantle of Blue Beetle.
Boomstick: Jaime once caught a flyin' truck with 'is hands, which is friggin' awesome! Then he offed the Bottom Feeder who ain't able to die thanks to some random curse, calculated a gigant blast wouldn't kill 'im, got punched by Lobo (The guy who ate an entire FRIGGIN' CITY BY THE WAY!!) and survived, negated Dr. Polaris's magnetic powers an' blew up OMAC, a robot who had the powers of Captain Atom and fathermucking Wonder Woman!
Syndromekad345
Wiz: Jaime has also dodged tachyon particles, a special type of particles that can travel faster than light. In fact, in a fight against Max Lord the scarab was blasted by a weapon that was specifically designed to destroy the Blue Beetle's scarab. Thankfully it didn't.
Boomstick: He's blown up Red Volcano, kicked Parasite's purple butt, disrupted Eclipso's magic despite bein' weak to magic, survived fallin' to earth from orbit, cured Blood Beetle, held 'is own against Black Beetle while weakened an' hurt Typhoon who's made out of wind!
Wiz: But like we said, Blue Beetle is very weakened by magic and while being a inexperienced as a teenager he cannot access technology from Apokolips or New Genesis.
Boomstick: Then we come to one of Jaime's biggest weaknesses: He'll friggin' die if he loses 'is magic scarab!
Wiz: Yes, as power as he is, if he loses the scarab, his death will follow afterwards.
Boomstick: Thank goodness fer that durable armor, right?
Wiz: Well, he has a weakness to magic and that particular weakness will deactivate his armor and leave him exposed. Not to mention there's a certain sonic frequency that can disable the suit entirely.
Boomstick: Welp, there goes anotha Blue Beetle.
Wiz: He's still alive.
Boomstick: Wait til he loses the scarab. When that day comes, you're gonna owe me ten bucks.
Wiz: Twenty dollars says he lives.
Boomstick: Fifty bucks an' ya owe me a pack a beer.
Wiz: Deal.
Boomstick: Besides, even though he ain't no millionare like Ted Kord or a pill-popper like the first guy, Jaime Reyes will always be the best Blue Beetle in history.
Wiz: True.
Iron Man[]
MariovsSonicFan
Boomstick: Once, there was a billionaire named Howard Stark, who saved an alien from the United States Government.
Wiz: In return, the alien gave something Howard and his wife something they couldn't have: A child who would lead the human race into a golden age of technology and knowledge that would improve the lives of millions.
Boomstick: But the kid got medical problems and they said, "Let's hide this kid and adopt instead." Yeah. Pretty sucky parents.
Wiz: Their adopted son showed a fascination towards mechanics and soon became the head of Stark Enterprises, designing their weapons for the military to use.
Boomstick: Then Tony got the double bad-luck whammy of his ma and pop dyin' and gettin' kidnapped by terrorists.
Wiz: Make that a triple bad-luck whammy. In his conflict with the terrorists, Tony was injured and had missile shrapnel enter his chest, nearly killing him.
Boomstick: But did Tony jest give up? Heck nah! He fought back and made one of the most awesome weapons known to man!
Wiz: This was the Mark One prototype suit. He developed this suit to not only help him escape, but to destroy the very weapons he created that were taking the lives of innocent people.
Blood Bigley
Boomstick: Then he made a suit outta metal, one more powerful than any machine made on earth and called 'imself, IRON MAN!!
Wiz: With a suit made from a gold-titanium alloy that only weighs about 25 pounds, the suit has the powers of superhuman strength, superhuman speed, flight and can fire energy beams from his hands and feet.
Boomstick: An' if he needs extra firepower, his chest lights up and he fires A UNIBEAM!
Wiz: The suit is also equipped with missiles, laser beams and even magnetic technology that can deflect Magneto's power!
Boomstick: That's friggin' awesome.
Wiz: And this is just his Mark 13 armor.
Boomstick: Then he's got a bigger surprise with the Mark 14, a suit designed to beat up the big green fightin' machine: The Hulk!
Wiz: Of course, this suit is appropriately named the Hulk Buster and is 11 times far more powerful than the average Iron Man suit.
Boomstick: This suit's not they only other suit there is! Stark's been buildin' suits all the time an' all of 'em are pretty awesome includin' two of my favorite suits: The Endosym Suit and the Model-Prime.
Wiz: Mark 50, the Endosym Armor has almost the same power and abilities of a symbiote, like Venom.
Boomstick: This ain't like Venom. This is better than Venom! Why? Unlike the gooey black pile o' slime, Mark 50's got none of the weaknesses and all them powers like regeneration, trappin' people as a slimy goo an' can make itself super big. Like Hulk Buster big. That's friggin' big!
Wiz: Then there's the Mark 51 A.K.A. Model-Prime, a suit comprised entirely of nanobots that are crafted that can create guns, blades, laser cannons and can even turn into other suits!
Boomstick: That... (Sniff) is a piece of art. Especially all the destruction it makes.
Wiz:... True. The suit is extremely powerful.
Cropfist
Boomstick: Look at all them weapons on that suit!
Wiz: Yes, Boomstick. I can see it with my eyes.
Boomstick: Look at it!
Wiz: Yes! The suit is amazing. But the man underneath it is a bit of a broken shell.
Boomstick: What ya talkin' 'bout?
Wiz: Well, the suit has a limited amount of power and Stark has... a bit of a drinking problem that was infamously done in the comic Devil in the Bottle.
Boomstick: Eh. That ain't no problem. I've been drinkin' fer years and look how I'm doin'!
Wiz: Boomstick, you fell over nothing today.
Boomstick: I tripped on the friggin' cord!
Wiz: We don't have a phone with a cord, Boomstick. What are you talking about?!
Boomstick: Oh. Thought we did. Oops. With all that tech an' stuff, ya think Stark would be doin' things like givin' that tech to the military. Nope.
Wiz: Stark has used his power to fight foes such as The Hulk, Captain America, Thor, Galactus, The Phoenix, She-Hulk (With a single punch), Crimson Dynamo and Cyclops. For goodness's sake, he had to develop suits for some of these fights!
Boomstick: That ain't nothin'. Tony's tanked hits from Thor's hammer, bent metal girders with 'is hands, lifted a car with one hand, flew at light speed, OUTRAN A BLACK HOLE, lifted a FRIGGIN' NUCLEAR REACTOR THAT WEIGHTED 16,000 TONS.
Wiz: He also has taken on all the X-Men, can react to the picosecond and can even take a world-wide EMP without it shutting down his suit.
Boomstick: As if that's awesome enough, Iron Man got part of the planet Titan dropped on 'im!
Wiz: Of course, all of his suits are not perfect. They can break and without them, he's just--
Boomstick: Billionare, Playboy an' stuff like that.
Wiz: Stark isn't exactly the most mentally stable hero in Marvel.
Boomstick: Yep, Tony's got a bit of an ego problem, he's an awful drinker, he ain't much of a thinker for somebody's who's super smart an' he got trapped in 'is suit, starvin' to death!
Wiz: Yes, that is terrible even for the Golden Avenger.
Boomstick: Wiz, ya gotta remember somthin' important: He's Iron Man. If he's in a problem, he knows what to do.
Wiz: Use his intelligence and science to discover a new solution?
Boomstick: Ha! No. Blow crap up!
Wiz: Obviously.
Alright, the Combatants are Set, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE![]
(At 40,000 feet, a cargo plane containing Reaper and several other mysterious figures as they protect a box with something or someone very important inside.)
Pilot: Everyone, buckle up. We got company!
(Iron Man blasts at the side of the plane while Reaper opens the box to reveal an unconscious Jaime Reyes with a mechanical device in the base of his neck. Reaper activates it and whispers into it.)
Reaper: Kill Iron Man.
(The back of the plane opens up to reveal Blue Beetle jumping out and activating his wings. He flies towards Iron Man and blasts him with a giant blue cannon. Iron Man crashes into a building. He looks into the sky and sees Blue Beetle aiming his arm cannon. Iron Man flies away just before Blue Beetle blows him up.)
Iron Man: J.A.R.V.I.S., what the heck is that thing?!
J.A.R.V.I.S.: Sir, it seems to be of alien origin.
Iron Man: Anything else?
J.A.R.V.I.S.: Currently looking for weaknesses, sir.
(Blue Beetle fires upon Iron Man with a gigantic beam of energy that blasts him through a building.)
Iron Man: Hurry the heck up before he turns me into canned beef, J.A.R.V.I.S.!
(Iron Man blasts off into the air at Blue Beetle and fires an energy beam at him. Jaime dodges the attack then returns the favor by turning his arm into a cannon again. They fire upon each other with energy blasts to destroy the other. One beam of energy from Blue Beetle's cannon strikes Iron Man in the chest, causing him to crash into the ground. Blue Beetle flies in close to finish the job but Iron Man dodges a shot from the blue laser cannon and fire a tiny missile at him. Catching it, Blue Beetle examines the missile until it explodes in his face. The explosion causes Blue Beetle to crash into a nearby building while Iron Man launches hundreds of miniature missiles at the Blue Beetle. They all land on Jaime as they explode, blasting him into the ground. Climbing out of the crater, Jaime stands up and turns both of his arms into one gigantic cannon then fired an equally gigantic blast of energy that nearly melts Iron Man's armor. He attempts to stand up, but the joints in his suit begin to break, so he takes off the armor and calls another suit, getting the Mark 13 armor.)
Iron Man: Thank goodness. Now I'm gonna get some more firepower for this little blue blip.
(Running and jumping into the air, Iron Man flies and sees a giant metal part attach to his back. More metal parts as they attached together in a giant Iron Man suit. Blue Beetle looks up into the air and sees Iron Man is now in the Hulkbuster. Iron Man smiles with an arrogant grin.)
Iron Man: Okay kid. Let's try that again, shall we?
(The Hulkbuster charges at Blue Beetle who arms both limbs into a giant blue laser cannon. Firing the beam, Blue Beetle makes it bigger and bigger. But this does very little to harm Iron Man, as he dodges the beam and jumps on top of Blue Beetle. He blasts a gigantic beam at Blue Beetle, without any damage to the armor at all. JARVIS continues to scan him for a weakness while Iron Man charges Blue Beetle, who defended himself using his Blue Beetle shield. The Hulkbuster then kicked Blue Beetle across several blocks and crashed through several buildings. He jumped out and started firing on Iron Man from the air, thinking that Stark in the Hulkbuster would leave him as a sitting duck. Jumping into the air, Iron Man then blasted off towards Blue Beetle with a gigantic cocky smile on his face. He fires uni-beams with his hands and then blasts at Blue Beetle with all the missiles that the Hulkbuster could carry all at once. Blue Beetle flew through the air in between buildings dodging each and every missile or blasting them with his hand cannons. Landing on a rooftop, Iron Man revved up his uni-beam and waited to get Blue Beetle in his sights. Then he fires and manages to destroy an entire building, raining debris all over a several block range. As pieces of debris fell though the air, Iron Man looked around to see if he annihilated Blue Beetle or at least hurt him at all. Then he heard a buzzing sound as Blue Beetle cuts off the arm of the Hulkbuster and it falls to the ground. Spinning around, Iron Man was about to fire at Blue Beetle but then the other arm gets sliced in half as well. Blue Beetle then went in for the kill but then Iron Man flew out of the Hulkbuster suit and then got hit in the chest by Blue Beetle's arm cannon, heavily damaging his suit. Crashing into the ground in a parking lot, Iron Man looked up and watched as Blue Beetle blasted a nearby building's foundation to collapse the entire building on top of Stark. Blue Beetle begins to fly away until a flying silver liquid goes under the debris. Then the debris explodes, revealing Iron Man to be in the Endosym armor. Turning around, Blue Beetle's eyes boggle out of his head as he sees the newly armored Silver Avenger.)
Iron Man: Okay Pillsbury Blue Boy...
(Iron Man revs up his jet boots before flying into the air.)
Let's finish this!
(Blue Beetle combines both of his arms to create a gigantic cannon when Iron Man's suit stretches itself and wraps around both of his arms, tying him up. Iron Man starts blasting at him then J.A.R.V.I.S. gives him a helpful bit of information.)
J.A.R.V.I.S.: Sir, I think I found something that may help you.
Iron Man: What is it, JARVIS? I'm tryin' not to get my butt kicked.
J.A.R.V.I.S.: Sir, have the suit create this frequency.
(With Iron Man distracted, Blue Beetle escaped from his grasp and blasted Iron Man with the giant arm cannons. Iron Man crashes into the ground as he attempts to recreate the sound that can possibly harm Blue Beetle. But first, he needed to give himself enough time to recreate the frequency. As Blue Beetle flew towards Iron Man, the endosym armor began to grow as large as the Hulkbuster, ready to fight again. Blue Beetle then fired the gigantic arm cannon beam that was strong enough to blast through the Hulkbuster until he grabbed his ears in pain. Slowly falling to the ground, he looked at his suit as it slowly began to fall apart. Iron Man slowly began to approach him and then grabbed the scarab on his back. Then he ripped it off Blue Beetle's back before it could finish coming off, killing Jaime instantly.)
Iron Man: Ummm...
J.A.R.V.I.S.: Sir, you forgot to wait to pull the scarab off. He's dead.
Iron Man: Oh crap.
Results[]
Boomstick: HOLY CRAP! That was friggin' awesome! Can we watch that again?!
Wiz: While Blue Beetle didn't need to change suits, he barely stood a chance against the variety of weapons that Iron Man had.
Boomstick: Sure Jaime kicked Dr. Polaris and Captain Atom's butts, but Iron Man's defeated beings that are far more powerful than that, kinda like Thor (Who's an actual GOD) or Galactus, THE PLANET EATER!!
Wiz: Not to mention that Jaime is also just a teenager with average intelligence while Stark has incredible intelligence, giving him an advantage in this battle.
Boomstick: An' don't ya forget that his suits are strong enough to fight people like Hulk, who's been fightin' celestial beings!!
Wiz: While Blue Beetle was younger and possibly faster, but Iron Man had the strength, weaponry and firepower to take down young Jaime.
Boomstick: Looks like Jaime's gonna be a little "blue" 'bout this loss!
Wiz: The winner is Iron Man.
Editor's Note[]
- I called Iron Man the Sliver Avenger in the endosym armor because calling him the Golden Avenger while wearing Silver would seem... awkward.
- Also, my favorite Blue Beetle is Jaime. He's got the coolest costume and powers.