Made by RandomDudeWhoDoesStuff
Made by Earth's Atmosphere
Black Hat vs The Warden is a What-If? Death Battle written by RandomDudeWhoDoesStuff, featuring Black Hat from Villainous and The Warden from Superjail!.
Description[]
Villainous vs Superjail! Two mind-bending madmen and intimidating leaders from opposing sides of the law go head to head in this What-If episode of DEATH BATTLE! Will Black Hat prove his evil self to be superior, or will The Warden assimilate another unruly criminal?
Interlude[]
Wiz: There are multiple motives that could make out a villain. Perhaps they're hellbound on revenge, maybe they're butthurt about losing a contest years ago, or maybe, in some cases, they're evil for the hell of it. No tragic cause, just pure passion for their villainy.
Boomstick: And nobody embodies the latter quite like Black Hat, founder of the Black Hat Organization and the self-proclaimed most evil villain there is.
Wiz: With fiends like him terrorising the public, you'll need someone equally as powerful to take care of them, for any normal old officer would get vaporised in an instant. Who could that someone be?
Made by Elajios89
Made by Izzy1988
Boomstick: That someone is The Warden, the energetic and pretty much insane, well, warden of Superjail, the world's largest maximum security prison.
Wiz: When the two opposing sides of Good and Evil, or more like "Good" and Evil, clash together, which will come out on top?
Boomstick: Safe to say that if this escalates a bit too much, we're all pretty much done for. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Black Hat destroys all the goody-goody two-shoes in DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: It's common knowledge that, if a villain wants to go around on good-hating shenanigans and make themselves a serious threat to the public, they're gonna need a good arsenal. In most cases, said arsenal has to be either assembled or even created by oneself.
Boomstick: Lucky for the bad guys of Cartoon Network, they get their various gadgets and weapons sold to them by the Black Hat Organization, which is run by the organization's namesake, Black Hat, also sometimes referred to as the leader of all villains, but we'll get to that later.
Wiz: For now, let's focus on the past of our combatant, which we... don't really know a lot of. What we do know is that Black Hat has been around for a long time. Like, a really long time. And while we can't directly determine his age...
Boomstick: ... we can safely say that he was around for the destruction of Pompeii, which, bare with me here, he is said to have caused. Yep, this old guy in a trenchcoat caused a volcanic eruption that destroyed an entire city.
Wiz: We're getting a bit ahead of ourselves, Boomstick. Anyways, if we count the number of years between the Pompeii disaster and the modern day, we can see that Black Hat is, at least, 1.945 years old.
Boomstick: God, that back pain must be insufferable.
Wiz: Given that unreasonably high age, one wouldn't be surprised upon learning that Black Hat is a retired villain, yet that doesn't stop him from making heroes all across the world a little more dead.
Boomstick: Together with Dr. Flug, Demencia and 505, he creates innovative weaponry for sinister activites and sells them to various villains with the guarantee that they'll defeat the good guys in no time. Spoiler Alert, most of them fail. Badly.
Wiz: Yeah, as most of us have come to expect, most of the villains ultimately fail at defeating the heroes, even with the Black Hat Organization's help. Is it the weapon's fault, or are the wielders too imcompetent to handle them properly?
Boomstick: Welp, I'd say we go and find out, shall we?
Wiz: Sure, let's take a look at-
(Suddenly, Boomstick pulls out a gun.)
Wiz: Woah! Boomstick, why do you just have a gun here?!
Boomstick: Not just any gun, Wiz, this is the Speech-Changer, straight from the Black Hat Organization.
Wiz: Wait, what? How did you get a hold of that? You're not even a villain!
Boomstick: I sure sound like one, and that's all that matters when ordering over a phone. Hey, DUMMI, come here for a second.
(DUMMI, albeit reluctantly, floats to them)
DUMMI: Hello, mister Boomstick. How may I be exploited today?
Boomstick: Stay still for a second.
(Boomstick shoots DUMMI with no visible effect)
Wiz: ...is something supposed to happen, or...
Boomstick: Aw, dangit! They sent me a malfunctioning product, didn't they?
DUMMI: Ich bin mir nicht sicher, welchen Effekt dies auf mich hätte haben sollen.
Wiz: Wait, what?
Boomstick: Ooh, so that's why it's called a Speech-Changer. Don't really know what I expected.
DUMMI: Da Sie das bekommen haben, was sie wollten, könnten sie meine Sprache zurück auf Englisch stellen?
Boomstick: We'll do that later, DUMMI. We have an analysis to get to.
DUMMI: Aber-
(Boomstick crudely pushes DUMMI off the set)
Boomstick: Patience is key, DUMMI. Alright, where were we?
Wiz: Oh, yeah, let's get back to Black Hat, shall we? Even though he's in retirement, he still has some incredibly powerful abilities up his sleeve, one of which is shapeshifting.
Boomstick: Black Hat can not only grow himself in size, but he can also grow new features or entirely new bodies on a whim, from merely adapting a more intimidating appearance to turning into a giant terrifying snake-like creature.
Wiz: But he doesn't even need to turn into an eldritch horror to make people afraid of him. It is said that being in his area alone can cause fear and an urge to surrender oneself to him. No wonder he's called the Leader Of All Villains.
Boomstick: There's also some other smaller abilities he has at his disposal. For example, he can generate fire from literally nothing, as shown when he destroyed Dr. Flug's miniature toy plane in seconds. It also usually appears once he reaches a high level of pure rage.
Wiz: One ability shown off often is his Technology Manipulation. He has been shown to be able to hijack multiple TV stations, or make electronic devices malfunction. Though, this specific power gets a bit more extreme.
Boomstick: On multiple occasions, Black Hat was able to make living beings either faze out of or into the screens of such devices, like when he forced a paparazzi into a phone screen. Judging from the little we see of it, it couldn't have been pleasant.
Wiz: Sure sounds more pleasant than being burned alive on a kids show, which is exactly what Black Hat caused to happen during a broadcast of Weewee-nies.
Boomstick: They kinda had it coming with that lame a name. Though, something to note about this event is that said broadcast was a pre-recorded episode.
Wiz: Even though the events in the episode already happened at an earlier point, Black Hat somehow managed to twist those events to his liking.
Boomstick: This is what we in the business call reality warping.
Pop-Up: It is unknown if Black Hat simply manipulated the episode or the real life making of such. While both are possible, the former will be assumed as true here for fairness.
Wiz: This isn't the only instance of reality warping he's shown to be capable of. He can transform ice cream into sentient beings and fuse entities together, like the time he created a pretty messed up minotaur in a painful looking transformation.
Boomstick: Geez, Black Hat sure knows how to make a gnarly sight. No wonder he's the most evil villain there is... according to himself, that is.
Wiz: There's still quite a lot of powers we need to cover, like his Telekinesis, Portal Creation, Teleportation, Immortality...
Boomstick: Sounds like a lot, how about we finish off the abilities section with a Lightning Round?
Pop-Up: In Random's Battles, a Lightning Round is where a large amount of powers, which are only used on a few occasions, are discussed in one paragraph at a time. This helps keep the analysis at a reasonable length [only for Random to make the fight over 10K words most of the time and throw reasonable length out the window].
Wiz: Sure thing! First off, Black Hat has shown himself to be capable of telekinesis, such as when he strangled Dr. Flug without using his arm.
Boomstick: He has quite a knack for creating portals, for either trapping people inside them like that one poor cameraman (in a literal sense) or releasing otherworldly noises.
Wiz: There's a good chance Black Hat may be immortal, given he has been alive for thousands of years at this point. He could also just be on the verge of death, but that's very unlikely.
Boomstick: He can teleport by disappearing into a black mist and then reappearing... also in a black mist. It doesn't need to be an instant teleportation, he can also just stay as this black mist for a bit.
Wiz: He has quite a lot of animal-related abilities up his sleeve, whether that be brain-washing them to be his servants, controlling insects to his will, or just creating a badass flaming horse out of nowhere.
Boomstick: The same thing goes for weather. He can just summon black clouds over an entire area, make lightning strike in his mere presence, and control said lightning! This includes natural disasters, as shown with Pompeii.
Wiz: He has been able to regenerate several body parts of his, like his hand or his face, which he tore off for no real reason. Additionally, that scene shows that he doesn't seem to be able to feel pain, which is also supported by the fact he's able to ingest the world's most corrosive acid without any negative outcome.
Boomstick: Hey, wasn't I supposed to cover that?
Wiz: Sorry, too good of a transition to pass up.
Boomstick: Eh, I guess that makes sense. Not only can he regenerate body parts, he can just... generate them, like he did with a copy of Flug's arm.
Wiz: He has brought multiple people back from the dead, like a pirate crew or an ancient Aztec warrior who was turned into a stone mask by Hutzi-... Huitzl-... Huitzo-... uh... I give up.
Boomstick: It's obviously Huitzilopochtli, Wiz. Last but not least, Black Hat can manipulate life to his liking. Whether it be completely changing one's appearance or creating an eldritch horror that houses inside the sun. I'm not joking.
Wiz: With the abilities listed, it's time to move onto his arsenal. With the vast amount of items the Black Hat Organization has made for various villainous vermin, there's bound to be a blunder or two.
Boomstick: For example, the Anti-Gravity Device. Not a ray, but a device, the difference being that while a ray can be aimed at a certain object to make it weightless, the device just makes everything in the area weightless.
Wiz: This comes with a notable downside; the user is affected as well. For example, if you happen to want to send your enemy to space using this, chances are you're getting sent up there with them.
Boomstick: Then there's also the Shrink/Growth-Ray, which, as the name suggests, alters one's size. The issue with this one is you can't control the exact size the affected individual is grown or shrunk to, which may lead to mass destruction.
Wiz: But hey, if you've got the mind of a salesman, this can result in a great product.
Black Hat: ...running a new special! Giant monster sized bear, perfect for stampeding through your town! Any takers?
Boomstick: For the last of the BHO's unsold products is the Evil Ray, a device that can bring the most evil thing one can think of to life. The functionality of this differs with every person, depending on what they find evil or not. It's much more powerful in the hands of someone who considers Satan and his power over hell evil than someone who was stung by a wasp once and still holds a grudge.
Pop-Up: Black Hat also has some weaponry that is found on himself, like his sharp claws or his laser-shooting monocle.
Wiz: These items bring us to the first entry of our last section, weaknesses, that being; Black Hat has no control over his own inventions.
Boomstick: Sure, they are his property, and he can use them to his will, but, unlike a proper weapon, it often backfires on him when used. The only exception are his claws, which are part of his body, so it makes sense they'd work just fine.
Wiz: Another weakness of his is his impatience and ego. Black Hat is shown to lose his temper fairly quickly, often from minor inconveniences like a machine being toyed around with or a photo being snapped.
Boomstick: Though, unlike his temper, Black Hat ultimately comes up anything but short in terms of combat capability. It's best not to mess with the Master Of Evil, or you might find yourself being fed to an overly energetic madwoman.
DUMMI: Können Sie mich jetzt endlich wieder umschalten?
Boomstick: Oh, right, almost forgot about that. We'll be right back!
Black Hat: This is Black Hat! Here to make your most wicked thoughts come to life! Literally!
The Warden takes "good" care of criminals in DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Somewhere, in a land far, far away, located on the top of not one, but two volcanos, stands the grandest prison the world has ever seen; Superjail, housing double the population of the US (at least until almost all of the prisoners died, but let's ignore that for now).
Boomstick: Such an enormous amount of inmates requires a worthy leader. A man with determination to rehabilitate those who do wrong, a man with discipline to keep the unruly ones in check, a man with dignity that makes him truly stand out. Sadly, The Warden is none of those.
Wiz: Ever since he was a little kid in the erarly 1900's, The Warden, real name Mark Davis, had dreams about a massive jail housing hundreds of thousands of inmates, over all of which he'd be the master. While Mark firmly believed in his dreams' potential, his father, a prison warden, dismissed the idea, calling it childish tomfoolery.
Boomstick: Crushing his child's dreams isn't even the worst thing this douche of a dad has done. He made Mark endure emotional and sometimes physical abuse throughout his childhood, one notable example being the time he forced his kid to decapitate a puppy because it was "too kind".
Wiz: However, in an instant, Mark's life would turn around when his father dies in a freak accident that involves, *ahem*, stepping on a lego brick, falling out of a window, hitting his crotch on a flag, bouncing off a roof, getting kicked by a horse and getting hanged on a noose. What a way to go out.
Boomstick: His father's sudden passing meant that Mark would inherit the title of head warden much earlier than expected. So, not being limited by any outside forces, he built Superjail to his liking, somehow still believing to this day that his dad would've loved it.
Wiz: Of course, that massive a jail can't be handled alone, so he hired exactly three employees to assist him. We have Jared, the nervous accountant, Alice, the strangely masculine guard, and Jailbot. Well, the latter isn't really an employee, more like a robotic assistant who Mark already had in mind once he first envisioned Superjail.
Boomstick: But even with help, keeping Superjail under proper control will be impossible, until you just so happen to have some tricks up your sleeve, which The Warden luckily does.
Wiz: Long story short; The Warden kind of serves as Superjail's personal god, as he seems to be able to influence everything happening there. Weather, death, dreams, The Warden is in control of practically everything.
The Warden: It's called "playing" god for a reason, doctor!
Boomstick: He can just summon lightning, snow, rain, and other weather events, erase people from existence at the snap of his fingers, and invade and manipulate his inmates' dreams. He can also put a zipper one someone's mouth to shut them up.
Pop-Up: The Warden basically has god-like powers, though those are limited to the general area of Superjail.
Wiz: Case in point, The Warden is one pretty powerful guy, maybe even a bit too powerful for a human.
Boomstick: Well, human isn't really the best way to describe him. I mean, have you ever met an average human that could randomly turn into a universe? I doubt that.
Wiz: You do have a point there, Boomstick. The Warden possesses many otherworldly abilities, the most iconic of which is his shapeshifting. However, this isn't just any old normal shapeshifting.
Boomstick: The Warden can pretty much turn into anything. He can extend his limbs, grow incredibly large, turn into multiple versions of himself (which is essentially cloning), a pint of beer, a pirate, his main office, a fan, an 8-bit Warden, a sword, a pair of pants, the letter U, a clock, an airplane, a plate of breakfast, Abraham Lincoln, a balloon, a solar panel, a vacuum cleaner, a car, an entire damn universe, you name it.
Wiz: His shape-shifting isn't just restricted to various objects though. This power grants him great elastic qualities, with which he can stretch, bend and twist his entire body however he wants it to.
Boomstick: As mentioned before, he can also clone himself with this power. Hell, he doesn't even have a limit to how many versions of him can exist at once, there could be hundreds at a time if the occasion calls for it. Although, he doesn't usually have more than 10 at a time, unless you count his faces spreading across Earth as cloning.
Wiz: In summary, he's kinda the peak of shape-shifting.
PopUp: Some shape-shifting abilities that weren't mentioned is him switching between states of solid, liquid and gas, changing his size, and switching his entire outfit on a whim, though the latter can't be utilised in combat. Also, we're switching back into a lightning round, so buckle up.
Boomstick: Then there's also the fact that he's incredibly athletic. He can get from place to place within mere milliseconds, and is able to jump high enough to scale a small tower! Hell, he was able to dodge minigun fire, flamethrowers and lasers all at once!
Wiz: Another very notable fact about The Warden is that he has some great regeneration powers. On one occasion, he was stabbed in the stomach by a massive pair of scissors, and he was just fine afterwards!
Boomstick: This, somehow, also applies to situations where he literally dies. Be it being decapitated, frozen, or any other horrifying way to go out, he'll be just fine in the next episode.
Wiz: The Warden has shown to be a genius sometimes, such as his engineering prowess. He's the one who built JailBot, a fully sentient AI with quite the arsenal to boot, murderous night lights, a shrink ray and a weather machine. Unfortunately, that genius isn't really seen often, as his insanity turns him into a mindless lunatic.
Boomstick: But who needs a mind when you have a hammerspace? He can pull any item he wants out of his ass, in a figurative sense of course. Though, in a literal sense would be on par with the crazy shit that happens at Superjail. I mean, he gave birth to himself once, isn't that fucked up?
Pop-Up: The Warden can create items himself, but it hasn't been shown as combat-effective.
Wiz: The Warden can shift his eyes into make-shift binoculars, which he can move and twist to his liking. With that, he can see practically anywhere without himself moving a muscle.
Boomstick: He can fly using a variety of methods. He could either shapeshift into a bee or an airplane, inflate his head into a balloon of skin, or use his cane as a floating scooter.
Wiz: He can breathe underwater, or underblood rather, as shown when he entered Jared's bloodstream as a metaphor for sugar.
Boomstick: He seems to possess transmutation as well, like the infamous wolf suits that turned the wearer into actual wolves or turning Jared into a plane, which was also able to fly.
Wiz: He also has Pyrokinesis, in the form of being able to shoot fireballs from his hands while either thinking of his happiest memories or invading a dream.
Pop-Up: Likewise, his worst memories let him create blue constructs. Another unmentioned type of kinesis he has is telekinesis, which is used very scarcely.
Boomstick: Some more abilities of his are Energy Absorption/Redirection and Teleportation. There isn't really much to say on these, they're pretty self-explanatory.
Wiz: He's quite the resistant individual, having withstood being on fire, being excessively shocked, being in space, in a snowstorm, in a sandstorm, and in the midst of time collapsing in on itself.
Boomstick: Last but not least, according to the Time Police, The Warden would be able to overthrow the entire world mostly on his own in the near future. Make of that whatever you want to.
Wiz: This next section covering his arsenal is a bit more interesting. See, he doesn't possess a large amount of weaponry on his own, he rather is the arsenal itself.
Boomstick: We've mentioned that The Warden can turn into pretty much anything, "pretty much anything" in this context including any weapon that would be useful to him in a current scenario.
Wiz: We've seen him do this in his and Alice's fight against Sunshine, his weather robot. He turned into a multitude of tools like a sword, a vacuum cleaner and a solar panel to swiftly defeat his enemies in very quick succession.
Boomstick: Other weapons of his that aren't just himself include his trusty cane, which he can use for a multitude of acts like whacking someone over the head, playing golf, or using it as a flying tool. Other than that, he doesn't have much to offer in terms of arsenal.
Wiz: While this isn't really much of a weakness, as his shapeshifting more than compensates for that, there is one weakness that tends to screw him over quite often; He is, let's say, a bit mad.
Boomstick: What Wiz meant to say is absolutely batshit insane. In just the pilot episode, while petting a rabbit, he tears it's skin off, puts it's flayed outer layer on his head, and comes to the verdict that the entire jail should wear bunny suits. And his face is filled with glee throughout it!
Wiz: Safe to say, this lack of sanity can cause quite a lot of issues. He constantly puts himself and others in danger due to his reckless nature, be it intentional or not, sometimes even getting a large amount of people killed.
Boomstick: Also, while he may be incredibly resistant to injuries, he is not resistant to pain. At all.
Wiz: He can still feel pain, which is a curse for a very resistant person. Imagine getting sliced in half, and while still being alive, feeling all of it. That's gotta be terrible.
Boomstick: Has that ever stopped The Warden? Of course it hasn't! He still rules his jail under an iron fist, caring little for the atrocities that occur there on a regular basis. If you ever find yourself comitting a crime, pray a white rectangular robot doesn't get to you before the cops do.
The Warden: Hello there! You're in Superjail! I'm The Warden, and you're a criminal.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. We've run the data through all possibilities
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
???: 🎵 Speaking of cops...🎵
Wiz: Huh? Who was that?
(Time freezes, and a group of four neatly-dressed individuals appear. This was the Time Police.)
The Time Police: 🎵 Wizard and Boomstick, we have come for you! 🎵
(One of them uses a device resembling a USB-Stick, which teleports everyone present elsewhere, just as Jocelyn the Intern walks in)
Jocelyn The Intern: Hey there, you two! I've finally got- huh? Where'd they go?
-
(Wiz and Boomstick suddenly find themselves in the middle of nowhere, locked inside futuristic cages. A very confused Ringmaster recognizes them in the audience?
Ringmaster: Wait, huh? What are they of all people doing here?
(On top of a gigantic pillar, the Time Judge appears. The court is now in session.)
Time Judge: Wizard and Boomstick of Death Battle, you stand before the Time Court because on this day in your time continuum, you caused a fight between two reality-warping madmen which would lead to the destruction of the universe as we know it.
Wiz: What?!
Boomstick: Look, we pit characters from all across fiction against one another all the time. Hell, we just did Galactus vs Unicron, and nothing happened, so why should-
Time Judge: Silence! You are accused of 612 counts of time crime...
Time Creature: 🎵Time crime...🎵
Time Judge: ...waging an all-out war that went out of proportions due to your neglect, wrecking the very concept of time!
Wiz: Okay, I feel like you're overselling it a little-
Time Judge: How do you plead?
Wiz: Uhm, uh, I don't-
Boomstick: Agh, this is all a bunch of bullshit! How do you know this is going to happen?
Wiz: Boomstick, calm do-
Time Judge: SILENCE! Order! The proof...
Pre-Fight[]
It is a very good day in Atreno City. The streets are bustling with life as usual, the many small shops sell their goods to the consumers, and there's not a singular mere hint of illegal activity in sight for miles.
One can credit that last part being true to none other than Sunblast, the city's noble hero. With his incredible strength, good heart and rock-hard abs, he makes sure that no man, woman or child is at risk of a criminal's evil doings, and has succeeded to do such for a long time.
Of course, with a force of nature like Sunblast by the city's side, no normal human would be stupid enough to even consider indulging in any villainous shenanigans.
Unfortunately, one fellow by the peculiar name of Jackknife is anything but a normal human.
Disguising his usually disheveled self with the attire of a lady from the Victorian Era, he wanders across the sidewalk like any normal citizen, and while he doesn't quite blend in with the rest of the crowd, he doesn't stand out enough to raise a certain hero's suspicions.
With evil intent in mind, he swiftly walks into a pet shop, making sure to not give the other shoppers any bad impressions. Once inside, he wanders past most of the shelves until he reaches a cage full of hamsters, all of which expectantly look at him with pearly eyes.
He looks at the small animals and assumes that they yearn for a new home. Luckily, that is exactly what he's about to give them, though not one they'd have expected, as he proceeded to grab each hamster one by one and put them in his pants.
While it is unknown what he plans with them, one can assume it's nothing pleasant, as he cackles mischievously upon finishing the task. The goods safely stored, he makes his way to the exit, trying to not divert any attention towards his lower region.
Just as he's about to exit, the store clerk calls out to him, catching the criminal off guard.
Store Clerk: Have you taken anything from here?
Jackknife shakes his head violently, for he couldn't speak properly for some reason. The clerk doesn't seem to believe his answer, as he gives him a mean stare.
Store Clerk: Madam, your pants are moving.
The criminal looks down and, to his shock, finds that the clerk is correct. Perhaps the pants weren't the greatest spot to smuggle hamsters in. As he desperately tries hiding the area with a handbag he previously stole, he stresses out the hamsters inside, who then proceed to try and relieve their stress by biting... you know what.
The pain from the unexpected attack evokes such an extreme reaction from Jackknife that his headpiece falls off, ruining his disguise. The clerk immediately recognizes the criminal, as he had been terrorizing multiple pet shops recently, his included.
Store Clerk: Oh, it's you! Stay right where you are, I'm calling the authorities!
The clerk reaches for the phone, much to Jackknife's dismay. In a fit of rage and panic, he runs up to the clerk and grabs him by the back of the head.
Store Clerk: Hey! Let me go!
Jackknife ignores his request, and instead walks towards an aquarium with piranhas inside, into which he dunks the clerk's head. The piranhas immediately notice the sudden appearance of new flesh to consume, and continuously take small bites of the clerk's face in quick succession until all the flesh on his face was almost completely picked off.
Once he notices this, Jackknife lifts the almost dead clerk out the tank and lets him drop to the ground. He then takes his leave, but not before spitefully taking all the money from the cash register, tearing the register from the counter and slamming it onto the back of the clerk's head, ending the poor man's life.
Luckily, as soon as he walks through the door, he is confronted by Sunburst, who apparently waited for him to exit.
Sunblast: When will you criminals learn? Ugh, for shame.
The hero delivers a powerful punch directly onto Jackknife face, knocking him to the ground, which the trapped hamsters use as an opportunity to escape. Sunblast notices the hamsters leaving his pants, and is disgusted by the sight.
Sunblast: Alright, punk, this calls for a beating!
He then proceeds to unload a barrage of punches onto Jackknife, whose unintelligible pleas for help aren't heard by the observers, not like they'd help him if that weren't the case.
From a nearby alleyway, Dr. Flug, Demencia and 505, who have come to defeat Sunblast on behalf of Penumbra, witness the act from a nearby alleyway, seeing the situation as a perfect opportunity to sneak attack the hero.
Demencia: Come on, Flug, what are you waiting for? Shoot him!
Dr. Flug: Calm down, Demencia, we shouldn't try and rush this.
505: *Markiplier noises*
Flug slowly pulls out his shrink ray, and carefully points it at the still distracted Sunblast.
Dr. Flug: Great, he's none the wiser.
Demencia: Go on, do it!
Dr. Flug: I said calm down! I got this.
He puts his finger on the trigger, Demencia and 505 watching in anticipation. Just as he's about to shrink the hero, a loud sound coming from the dumpster behind then catches them by surprise.
Demencia: Huh? What was that?
Dr. Flug: I'm... not sure...
505: *Scared Markiplier noises*
The dumpster comtinues to shake and rumble for a bit, before a white and somewhat rectangle-shaped object appears, destroying the dumpster from the inside. On the upper half, a screen is present, which is quick to display a frowning face. This was Jailbot.
Demencia: What's that thing?!
Dr. Flug: Uh, hold on, let me just...
Flug shoots the shrink ray at the sudden visitor, yet the ray bounces off the surface and heads towards a building behind them. This shrinks the building, but not those inside, which causes all habitants to be crushed inside until the building couldn't shrink anymore due to a lack of space.
Dr. Flug: ...at least this would make Black Hat happy.
505 is then grabbed by one of Jailbot's robotic arms, which Demencia doesn't take lightly to. In a grand leap, she jumps at the floating robot, who simply moves to the side. The villainess lands head first in a trash can, which Jailbot picks up and stores in it's metal body.
Dr. Flug, slightly scared of the robot, slowly backs out the alleyway onto the streets, where Sunblast is still beating up Jackknife. However, as soon as the hero spots Flug, he puts the onslaught on hold to focus on what he assumes to be a bigger threat.
Sunblast: You again! What evil schemes do you and your band of misfits have in store today?
Dr. Flug: What? None, I just-
Sunblast: Nonsense! I can't trust you, therefore I must-
Before Sunblast can finish announcing his intentions, a robotic arm grabs Dr. Flug by the leg and drags him back into the alleyway, surprising Sunblast. The hero floats towards the alleyway and looks inside, yet he finds nothing.
(Cue Comin' Home by Cheeseburger)
Turns out, a few meters above him, Jailbot was intending on carrying away the newfound criminals, but before he can do that, he spots Jackknife on the street, almost unconscious. The robot floats down and puts Dr. Flug inside his metal body, as he couldn't carry two people with one arm, then gets a hold of Jackknife instead and flies back up, Sunblast noticing none of it.
The robot proceeds to fly over an arena with 5 odd buildings inside, a destroyed saloon, a city in which a giant mech stands proudly, a very tall hotel, a shack in the middle of the woods, and ???, before finally arriving at it's location; Superjail.
Jailbot lowers itself onto the jail ground and releases all four captured criminals at once. They tumble to the ground, exhausted and confused. After a few seconds, Dr. Flug stands back up.
Dr. Flug: Ow, my head... wait, where are we?
Upon saying this, Flug and the others begin looking at their surroundings, Jackknife being the only one to recognize their location. He tries running in a random direction, but Jailbot is quick to stop him with it's extending arm.
Before they can come to a proper verdict, a sound from above catches their attention. Floating down from the skies on a really weird looking steed comes a sharply-dressed man clad in purple, donning a tophat and a pair of glasses. After a few seconds, he, who goes by The Warden, lands safely on the ground.
The Warden: Why, hello there! You're in Superjail!
Dr. Flug: Superwhat?
The Warden: I'm The Warden, and you're a criminal.
Silence befalls the area. The captives were speechless at their predicament, except for Jackknife, who tried to grunt his way out of Jailbot's grasp. After a few seconds, Dr. Flug speaks up again.
Dr. Flug: So, uh, Warden, how long are we gonna be here?
The Warden: Excellent question, Sir Paperbag! Let me just check my watch, aaaaaaaand... your stay ends in 22 minutes.
Dr. Flug: Oh, that's not actually too-
The Warden: No, wait, silly me, heh. I meant 374 millenia. Funny how one can trip up on something as simple as that, right?
Demencia: What?!
Dr. Flug: We can't stay here for that long! We have an important job-
The Warden: Shhh, I don't wanna hear it! Don't you know what you've done?
Dr. Flug: Yes, I know we tried to kill someone, but-
The Warden: Oh, you think that's why you're in here, huh? No, you've been put here for something far worse... littering!
Dr. Flug: ...you're joking, right?
The Warden: This is no joking matter! Jailbot, send them to any available cells!
Before the AI can do that, Demencia lunges at The Warden in an attempt to attack him, yet she is grabbed by Jailbot just in time for him to be unscathed.
The Warden: Let me rephrase that. Send Jackknife, the bear and the guy with the paperbag to any available cells, and send the rabid beast to the dungeon!
Before any further attempts at escape could be made, the four are dragged to their respective cells by Jailbot, much to the Warden's delight.
The Warden: Another job well done.
He wackily hops back to his office, not expecting the eventual backfire this arrest would bring upon him.
-
Not long after his arrest, Dr. Flug and 505 sit in their shared cell, thinking about their predicament, 505's lack of speech capability diminishing the potential for a deep conversation. Suddenly, Dr. Flug gets an idea.
He runs to the cell door and spots a female guard by the name of Alice standing beside it.
Dr. Flug: Hey, you, uh-
Alice: What do you want?
Dr. Flug: Oh, quite deep voice you got there-
Alice: Ugh, tell me about it. Now what do you want?
Dr. Flug: Say, uh, don't prisoners usually get a phone call?
Alice: Yes, of course they do, why are you asking?
Dr. Flug: Well, I was wondering if I could redeem that phone call right now.
Alice: What, you want to waste your one chance of contacting the outside world after a few minutes?
Dr. Flug: ...yes.
Alice: Fine then. Our prison phones don't work right now, you can borrow my cellphone instead. Don't you dare look through the gallery though!
Alice hands Dr. Flug her phone, and he promptly begins calling the only person that could help him and his allies...
-
In a dark room, eminated only by a TV, sits a menacing figure, one known for causing pain and despair for too many years to count. Clothed in a black coat, a tophat and a monocle, he watches the current program in utter boredom, for the current show by the name of Wee-Weenies fails to capture the evil he usually entertains himself with.
Wee-Weenie #1: Oh, look, isn't this the magical straw?
Wee-Weenie #2: Wow, it's so shiny!
Wee-Weenie #3: Now we can sip strawberry and chocolate milkshakes forever!
Wee-Weenies In Unison: Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray!...
Black Hat: How can kids watch this? Their brains must've turned to nothing but rot by now. I believe I should... raise the stakes.
Black Hat then proceeds to change the events occuring in the series. While it isn't seen what now happens, one can assume it's nothing pleasant.
Wee-Weenie #1: Wait, what's happeni- oh god!
Wee-Weenie #2: Help, help, it's eating me!
Wee-Weenie #1: Oh no! We have to-
Wee-Weenie #3: I'm on fire! Someone help me, oh god!
Wee-Weenie #1: Why is this happening?!
Black Hat: Haha! Now that's entertainment.
Black Hat's torture session is interrupted by a phone call not long after.
Black Hat: Ugh, just as it was getting good.
He picks up the phone, hoping it wasn't another stupid prank call whose culprit he'll have to torture again.
Black Hat: Hello, Black Hat speaking.
Dr. Flug: Hello, Si-
Black Hat: Flug?! What the hell are you calling me for?
Dr. Flug: Well, we ran into an unexpected obstacle during our last mission and we may or may not have gotten arrested.
Black Hat: What?! Are you really this useless?
Dr. Flug: Look, we'd just need you to get us out, legally or not.
Black Hat: Ugh, fine. Where are you right now?
Dr. Flug: I'm not sure, there was a weird guy in a purple suit-
Black Hat: Alright, I'll be right there.
Dr. Flug: Wait, what?
Before he can get a chance to respond, Black Hat hangs up the phone call, then incinerates the phone in his palm. He quickly turns into a dark mist, ready to head where he's sure his workers are kept as prisoners.
-
After a few mere seconds, Black Hat arrives outside of The Warden's office, which was just a tower with his head on it. He expectantly knocks on the door, yet nobody comed to open it. He repeats this a few more times, yet there doesn't seem to be a reaction.
Behind the door, The Warden is immersed in a Playboy magazine, intentionally ignoring any outside noise and dismissing it as his accountant coming to pester him.
The Warden: Not now, Jared, I've got something important to do.
Black Hat, now furious, knocks even harder, finally disturbing The Warden's peaceful read.
The Warden: Later, I'm busy!
He immediately went back to marvel at the magazine.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back, as Black Hat gives up on trying to enter through the door and turns into yet another mist instead. The mist appears in front of The Warden's desk, Black Hat following soon after. The villain promptly knocks on his desk.
The Warden: Jared, for the last time, I'm bu-
The Warden lowers the magazine to find that he wasn't speaking to his assistant, rather someone entirely different. That someone quickly incinerated the magazine in a heap of flame, scaring The Warden for a second.
Black Hat: Real busy, huh? Pathetic.
The Warden: What are you doing in my office? Who let you in here?
Black Hat: Look, it seems that you've recently put some of my workers under arrest, and I'd like to bail them out.
The Warden stares at him in silence for a few seconds, them bursts into laughter.
Black Hat: What's so funny?!
The Warden: Oh, you must be misinformed, you can't just "bail out" any prisoners! They have to serve their time, which, in this case, is 374 millenia!
Black Hat: ...do you even know who you're talking to?
The Warden: Hmmmm, no, don't really recognize you.
Black Hat starts taking on a much more intimidating appearance, growing in size, buckled over with some sharp claws as fingers, all the while he explains who he is.
Black Hat: I am Black Hat, the greatest evil to have ever cursed the face of the earth! I have crushed dozens upon hundreds upon thousands upon millions of heroes far surpassing you in sheer might like mere roaches, why would I care to spare an ant?
Not a word is spoken for a good few minutes, until The Warden breaks the silence by laughing once again, finding the whole situation ridiculous...
The Warden: Oh, you're a class act! You'd make a stunning Halloween prop, or maybe a haunted house extra, or a clothing store mannequin! Anyways, I've got a job to tend to, so if you could be so kind and-
Before he can finish his sentence, he is grabbed by the neck by a now severely pissed off Black Hat and lifted above his desk.
Black Hat: Your corpse will make an excellent scarecrow.
The Warden: ...heh, you flatter me-
FIGHT![]
Before The Warden could end his sentence, he was slammed right into his desk, wrecking it in the process. He tries standing back up, but struggles, as some of the wood pieces have gotten stuck in his body.
Black Hat smiles in devilish glee as The Warden starts bleeding out, then puts his foot on his back to prevent him from standing back up.
Black Hat: Just another fool who will soon be forgotten.
He lifts his foot, then brings it back down onto The Warden's back, pushing him more into the sharp pieces of wood. He repeats this a few more times, finding evil delight in it, until he feels someone tapping his shoulder.
Being confused, he turns around to find The Warden's comically extended arm behind him. Before he can properly react, The Warden pushes the villain off of himself, then stands back up. He blows on his thumb, and all the wood shards come flying out of his body, some even hitting Black Hat.
Once every piece of wood is gone, his wounds heal up impressively fast until he looks like nothing had just happened.
The Warden: Bit aggressive there, don't you think?
Black Hat doesn't respond. Instead, he swings his claws at The Warden, hoping to get in a good hit, but he manages to swiftly evade it. Infuriated, Black Hat tries it again, yet it's the same result.
The Warden: What's the matter? Can't keep-
In an attempt to annoy Black Hat, he stands still for a little too long, resulting in Black Hat's claw to tear straight into his face.
The Warden: Ow, nevermind.
Black Hat retreats his claw, then stabs it into The Warden's abdomen. He walks towards one of the many windows in Warden's office, and, with one swift movement, throws the purple-clad madman out of it.
Mark flies out his office, glass shards embedding themselves in his skin as he proceeds to fall down the tower at rapid speeds, screaming all the way throughout, headed straight towards the tour vehicle, which was coincidentally steered by Jared who was showing some special guests around.
Famous Actor, Comedian and Filmmaker Jordan Peele: So, this is the "Superjail" your boss invited us to?
Jared: Indeed! Here you can see the main office, naturally shaped after The Warden himself!
Composite Mike Myers: Ooh, looks groovy!
Shoutmon: [Silence, for his mute ass cannot speak.]
Jared: I'm glad you're enjoying the tour! If you look up there, you can even see The Warden himself!... Wait a second-
The Warden lands right on the windshield of the vehicle and turns into a cartoony purple stain with his face in the middle.
Jared: Sir?! What are you-
The Warden: Jared, put Superjail on lockdown! We have a serious threat!
Jared: But sir, this may lead to another mass purge of our criminals, we really shouldn't-
The Warden: Just do it!
Jared: Alright!
With Jared's agreement, Mark slides off the windshield and gets right back to falling down until he lands in the petting zoo, scaring the animals inside. A dark mist appears before him, and Black Hat appears out of it.
The Warden thinks quickly, and picks up a nearby barrel of toxic weedkiller, holding it over his head.
The Warden: Take this!
He throws the barrel at Black Hat, who slices it in half with his claws. The weedkiller lands on the many animals, condemning them to a brutal demise as their flesh falls off their brittle bones. Somehow, Black Hat was completely unharmed.
The Warden: What? How did you-
Black Hat: You make a ridiculous display.
He picks up one half of the torn apart barrel and throws it at The Warden, knocking him onto the vegetable garden nearby. As Black Hat also makes his way over there, Mark notices that the garden is filled with quite a lot of pesky weeds.
The Warden: I really should take care of that more often... wait a second!
An idea was born. He picks up yet another barrel and prepares to throw it at Black Hat, who grinned mischievously.
Black Hat: Would you really dare try the same tactic that has already failed you?
Instead of answering, The Warden throws the barrel at Black Hat, who, like last time, slices it in half, covering the garden below in it's contents.
Black Hat: You really are- hold on a second, this isn't acid!
The Warden: You're damn right about that!
Black Hat: It's... animal feed?
The Warden: Indeed it is.
Black Hat: ...do you really think mere nutrients could-
Suddenly, the weeds which were previously a mild inconvenience grew to massive sizes, towering over Black Hat and eyeing him.
Black Hat: ...I see.
He is picked up by one of the weeds who tries to consume him, yet another tries to take the villain out of it's fellow weed's maw. A fight between the weeds over their food occurs, which The Warden uses as an opportunity to bolt away.
After a few seconds, Black Hat has had enough and slices through one of the weeds with his laser vision. He shreds another few apart with his claws, and once he's almost fully done, he forces the last ones remaining into a portal.
He stands himself up straight, and goes where he assumes The Warden went. He breaks down a wall, which leads him to the courtyard in which a bunch of prisoners were doing normal prisoner things, like executing the inferior ones.
Eventually, one of the prisoners notices this sudden new visitor.
Prisoner #1: Hey, who's that over there?
Prisoner #2: I don't know. Let's beat him to death!
For some reason, all of the prisoners are on board with the second prisoner's idea. They all rush towards Black Hat with the intention of beating the shit out of him. The villain, even with a horde of bloodthirsty criminals hunting him down, doesn't even flinch at the sight.
He lays his claw on a nearby wall, and slowly scratches it open, opening a gateway to another dimension which emits an awfully loud noise. The prisoners all stop and start yelling in pain and shutting their ears. One by one, each one's head explodes in gruesome fashion, and those whose head doesn't explode have already bled out from tearing out their tympanic cavities.
Once everyone has met their vile end, Black Hat shuts the gateway and blows his fingers like one does the tip of a gun after a spectacular shot. Now knowing his enemy definitely isn't in the courtyard, he walks inside a building, hoping to have more luck there.
-
Jared, in the meantime, has landed his tour vehicle and is dashing to the lockdown button hidden deep within the jail's confines.
Jared: Alright, no time to waste!
The accountant hastily makes his way past multiple cells and into a secret passage. One of the cells he ran past just so happened to be that of Flug and 505, the former having seen the passage. He believes that it may be an exit, so he asks his co-worker for help.
Dr. Flug: Hey 505!
505: Huh?
Dr. Flug: Could you perhaps try and roll against the door to break it open? I think it might work.
505: Hmmm... *approving Markiplier noises*
Dr. Flug: Great! The stage is all yours, buddy.
505 takes a step back, then runs forward and forms into a ball, hoping to be able to run down the door. While the door isn't completely broken, the lock is.
Dr. Flug: Oh my god, it actually worked!
505: *excited Markiplier noises*
Dr. Flug: Stay right there for a bit, okay? I think I should do this alone.
505: *saddened Markiplier noises*
He peeks his head out of the door, then, after making sure no guard was around, he silently but quickly went the same way Jared went as 505 waves goodbye in a saddened motion.
-
While walking through the monotone morning mist walls, Black Hat stumbles upon cheering and applause coming from behind one of the doors. He stares at it for a few seconds, until curiosity gets the better of him and he opens it.
Inside he finds what appears to be a talent show going on, with dozens of inmates wildly applauding the prior performance, much to Black Hat's confusion. A german doctor stands on the stage, ready to introduce the next performance.
The Doctor: And now, for a truly villainous performance, we have The Warden, and his little pal, Black Hat Pee-Dee!
Black Hat: Black Hat who?
The Warden steps onto the stage, a wooden dummy dressed like Black Hat on his hand. The crowd goes wild at this sight, as they tend to with Pee-Dee's performances.
Pee-Dee: Hey there, numbnuts, I'm Black Hat, and I'd like to tell you folks a few things about myself!
Black Hat: What is this nonsense...
Pee-Dee: For one, I can't properly wipe my ass, you know why? I tear myself a new one, literally!
The crowd erupts into laughter and cheers, which is the polar opposite of Black Hat's reaction, who stares at the dummy, unamused.
Pee-Dee: You know why the Pompeii disaster happened? They decided that they would rather face certain death than face my hideous visage!
The crowd gives the same positive response as before, while a slight snarl forms on Black Hat's "hideous visage". He was very clearly not enjoying this.
Pee-Dee: One last thing before I go, I like to claim that I'm the most evil villain alive, and that there's nobody better than me...
The eventual punchline keeps the viewers excited, since the last joke surely must be the best. Even Black Hat is a bit curious, though in a more negative sense. Surely this has-been couldn't make his likeness even more a mockery.
Pee-Dee: ...but guess what?
The Warden: What?
All inmates in unison: What?
Black Hat: What?
Pee-Dee: I come from DeviantArt!
The crowd erupts into unhinged laughter and applause, some even puking due to their stomachs cramping so much. Multiple roses are thrown on the stage as a sign of gratitude.
Black Hat: Oh, you've done it now...
Black Hat in engulfed in a dark mist, then disappears from the back of the room.
On the stage, The Warden, Pee-Dee still on his hand, bows infront of the crowd, when he suddenly feels something on his neck. He looks down to find a cane, and just as he sees it, he's pulled off-stage with said cane, causing Pee-Dee to slip off. None of the audience notices his sudden disappearance.
Once he's pulled backstage, he sees that Black Hat is the one handling the cane, and he looks furious, to put it lightly.
The Warden: Oh, my cane! I've been looking for-
Black Hat lifts up The Warden with the cane, then flings him against a water tank with an inmate inside. He then casts a flame in his free hand and fires it at Mark, who ducks under it. The fire heats up the water tank behind him, boiling the poor prisoner trapped inside until he was fully cooked.
The Warden stands up and sees this, and is weirdly excited by it.
The Warden: Woah, now that was a cool trick!
Black Hat doesn't acknowledge the compliment, instead aiming yet another flame at The Warden.
The Warden: And for my last trick...
Just as the flame is fired, The Warden disappears into a purple puff of smoke, much to Black Hat's annoyance.
Black Hat: I should've seen this coming.
-
After quite a lot of running, Dr. Flug finds himself in a dark corridor, the walls being covered in doors. Given Jared went this way, there's a good chance the potential exit must be behind one of those doors. Only question is; which?
He opens the first door he sees to find what appears to be a science fair going on. An inmate is showcasing an extravagant looking device, which immediately piques Flug's interest.
Dr. Flug: Huh, I wonder what this-
All of a sudden, the device bursts into flames, setting it's creator on fire too. He runs around in a panic, stumbles into his co-participant's curtain and setting that on fire too. One thing leads to another, and soon the entire room is lit on fire, everyone inside slowly being burned alive.
Flug slowly closes the door. This clearly wasn't it.
He goes to the next door and finds a giant organ-like device.
Dr. Flug: Oh, Black Hat owns one of those too! I wonder...
He walks over to the instrument, and sits down in front of it. He spots some sort of headwear on the control board, so he promptly attaches it. He begins playing the organ, oblivious to it's purpose.
Back in 505's cell, a plunger like device is lowered from the ceiling. The bear asleep, it attaches itself onto his head.
Before Flug knows it, he's transported to a weird new world, filled with ice cream, rainbows, and unicorns. Flug is, naturally, very confused. Where was he, and how did he get there? Suddenly, he recognizes his co-worker riding a unicorn off in the distance. The bear seems to be... speaking?
505: I'm just the greatest! And the smartest, the bravest and the handsomest!
Dr. Flug: ...what in the actual f-
Dr. Flug quickly takes off the headset, then walks back outside, wanting to forget that as quick as possible. As he steps outside, he hears flushing from behind one of the doors, and the short man from before walks out and runs into a door conveniently labeled "Prison Controls".
Dr. Flug: Why didn't I check that one first?
The doctor enters through the door as well, interested in seeing what "Prison Controls" means and if it could potentially be their exit.
-
The Warden appears back in his office, having narrowly escaped being burned alive. He sits down in frnt of his broken down table, deeply exhausted.
The Warden: Phew, that was a handful. Welp, time for some relaxation!
Grabbing a remote, The Warden turns around to face a wall of televisions, and turns them on. The show "Jailpup", starring Jailbot as the titular role, was playing right now, and given it's the most well-beloved show in Superjail, every prisoner who isn't dead eagerly watches it in their respective cells, The Warden along with them.
The Warden: Jailpup! My favorite!
The episode starts with Jailpup taking a piss against a nearby tree, when a little kid throws a ball against his head. The kid laughs in a mocking manner, making Jailpup sad.
The Warden: Aw, poor Jailpup. I sure hope he's able to avenge himself.
Before the kid can bully Jailpup any more, he hears an ice cream truck approaching, and quickly heads for that instead. With the kid distracted, Jailpup snaps a rather large branch off of the tree and floats behind the kid.
The Warden: Go, Jailpup, go!
Just as the robotic dog is about to stab the kid with the branch, the screen turns to static. The despair following this interruption can be heard everywhere, as thousands of prisoners are infuriated over the lack of a proper conclusion.
The broadcast slowly returns, but it was no longer Jailpup, it was a recording of Black Hat standing in front of a yellow background. Naturally, the inmates and The Warden are very confused, but they can't properly process the oddity before Black Hat starts speaking.
Black Hat: Hello, inmates of Superjail, Black Hat here. Most of you probably already know my name for the mockery made of me in The Warden's performance...
The Warden: He watched my performance? Wow!
Black Hat: And let me tell you, it disgusted me. Not the act itself, but the man behind it. For years, he leads this jail like a dictator, neglecting you, the employees, and the jail itself, yet you continue to follow him. As the embodiment of evil, I've learned to not follow authority, to live a life of rebellion, and it has gained me inconcievable amounts of respect. The law is the only things that holds you back from achieving greatness. So, what are you waiting for? Start a riot! Become free!
This message is met with mass approval. The inmates go mad, havong come to realize the horrific conditions they've been living in. They begin going feral, causing havoc in their cells and trying to pry their way out. Alice, who was standing outside of some cells, could hear the chaos from within.
Alice: Huh? What the? Did that wacko give the inmates drugs again?
In his office, The Warden is, obviously, panicking.
The Warden: A riot? In Superjail?! Not on my watch!
In a last saving grace, he picks up a microphone and speaks over the jail's loudspeaker.
The Warden: Warning, inmates and employees of Superjail. You are asked to disregard the previous broadcast interruption. I repeat, ignore the previous broadcast interruption. Any attempts of rebellion will be shut down with physical force, and if bad comes to worse, we'll resort to lethal force. This is not a drill.
This announcement doesn't necessarily calm down the inmates as it should've, it rather has the opposite effect. They get even more reckless, not banging against the doors in an attempt to escape, though they obviously fail to do so.
Black Hat: Hopeless, isn't it?
The Warden is caught off-guard by Black Hat appearing behind him and jumps up from his chair, then recovers from the inital shock fairly quickly, taking on a much more ticked off demeanor.
The Warden: You! You're behind this!
Black Hat: Your own people are against you, and there's nothing you can do about it.
The Warden: That's what you think! This is my jail, this place is under my command, and it's my job to keep it that way! God forbid I let it all get ruined by you!
Black Hat: Oh, how pitiful.
Black Hat shoots a laser through his monocle, which The Warden narrowly dodges. He then promptly leaves the office and hops towards the exit, Black Hat shooting more lasers along the way.
-
Back in the Prison Controls room, Jared has finally reached the panel. He is about to push the lockdown button when he is startled by a voice behind him.
Dr. Flug: Hey, you! What are you doing?
Jared: Huh? Who are you? And how did you get here?
Dr. Flug: Doesn't matter! Now, what the hell is this place? This doesn't look like an exit...
Jared: Exit? That's on the other side of Superjail!
Dr. Flug: ...damn.
Jared: Spare yourself the hassle, this jail's about to be locked down!
The jail's about to be locked down? This removes any and all possibility of an exit. Flug couldn't let this happen, so as soon as Jared had his back turned, he pulled out his shrink ray which he somehow managed to smuggle inside the jail and shot Jared with it, shrinking him down to the size of a beetle.
Jared: What the hell? Get me back to normal!
Dr. Flug: I'm afraid I can't let that happen.
Flug scrambles inside his coat pocket and pulls out a glass jar. He kneels down and attempts to trap Jared inside the jar, but the pocket-sized accountant jumps to the side. After several more failed attempts, Jared runs towards Flug and starts climbing up his leg.
In a panicked response, Flug tries shaking his leg violently in order to possibly knock Jared off, yet the tiny accountant doesn't even drop one bit. Jared continues climbing Flug's body until eventually reaching his shoulders.
Performing an incredible leap of faith, Jared jumps from Flug's shoulder onto the lockdown button, saving the outside world with whatever threat was-
Dr. Flug: Uh, the lockdown button is right here.
Jared looks at the button beside the one he was on, and lo and behold, he pressed the wrong button. He slowly slides down the one he was on to see what he actually did instead.
Jared: Free all inmates... oh no.
-
The Warden and Black Hat were in the very center of Superjail, the latter still in pursuit of the former, surrounded by hundreds of cells housing rebellious madmen, when the loudspeaker suddenly emits an auto-generated voice.
Warning: Freeing All Inmates...
Both of them freeze as soon as they heard those words.
The Warden: What?!
Black Hat: You imbecile! Did you do this!
The Warden: Me?! Why would I of all people free the inmates?
Their argument is cut short by the unmistakable sound of hundreds of steel doors being unlocked at once.
Calamity Ensues.
-
All the doors open, causing all the prisoners inside to escape their now demolished cells. Once they all collectively spot The Warden, they surround him with sinister intent, much to the purple-clad madman's dismay.
The Warden: Alright, alright, how about we all calm-
His attempts at calming down the crowd is interrupted when someone throws a glass bottle at his head, which The Warden narrowly dodges. All of the other prisoners get inspired by that attempt and throw their own items as well.
The Warden frantically hops from spot to spot, trying to evade bottles, toilet lids, lunch trays, dead rats, grey bricks, and every other throwable piece of junk the inmates could find. This went on for a bit longer, yet once they figured that The Warden was too swift to be impacted by their projectiles, they decide to beat him up directly.
He watches as dozens of inmates surround and circle around him, each one's expression more infuriated than the last one's. If he wanted to make it out alive, The Warden had to think of a solution very quickly, and, as luck would have it, this solution would come to him almost immediately.
He pulls out a purple megaphone and starts speaking into it.
The Warden: Attention all inmates, employees and unwelcome visitors of Superjail!
They all stop and stare, wondering what The Warden will do to try and save himself. Mark points at Black Hat specifically, who naturally already moved away a bit.
The Warden: Hey, you, Black Hat, come here for a second!
Albeit reluctantly, Black Hat enters the center of the mob, intimidating everyone around him except for The Warden himself.
The Warden: So, tell me, the only reason you're here is because you want to bail out our three new prisoners, right?
Black Hat: ...yes, why do you ask?
The Warden: Well, I'd be willing to make a deal which may result in you getting exactly what you want!
Black Hat: Go on.
The Warden: Within this this very jail houses a colosseum by the name of Fight City, formerly Pamelonia, where all the prisoners can fight to the death until the last one alive gets blessed with freedom. Now, my proposition is that everyone here will engage in a massive battle royale of sorts, and only the very last ones make it. For fairness, we'd be divided into teams. You and me get all of our employees, half of the prisoners and a trump card, if necessary. If I happen to win, I get to keep not only your employees as inmates, but you too. If you happen to win, you get your employees back, and I won't be a bother to you anymore. So, do we have a deal?
Black Hat ponders for a bit. Was all the violence and bloodshed really worth his employees?... After a few seconds of careful thinking, he answers.
Black Hat: ...fine. I'll indulge in your little activity, under one condition.
The Warden: Oh, sure, go right ahead.
Black Hat: No. Foul. Tricks.
The Warden: ...oh, o- okay, yeah, sure, never intended on pulling any of those, heh...
-
After a round of choosing their respective teams and a few minutes of wandering, they all arrive at the Fight City colosseum. Jared sits on the Warden's shoulder, as he himself is still in his shrunken form.
The Warden: Welp, Jared, you got the list of teams?
Jared: I got it right here...
-
[Team Black Hat]
Leader: Black Hat
Fighters:
- Dr. Flug
- Demencia
- 505
- Izzy
- Vapor
- Earth
- Dura
- Quack
- French
- Elajios
- Jose
- Ivan
- Aiden
- Bunny
Trump Card: ???
[Team The Warden]
Leader: The Warden
Fighters:
- Jared
- Alice
- Jailbot
- The Doctor
- Ash
- Pee-Dee
- Jackknife
- Gary & Bird
- Star
- Scarecrow
- Akumya
- Chungie
- Rei
Trump Card: ???
[Neutral Party]
- Random
- Matthew Anderson
- Jordan Peele
- Mike Myers
- Shoutmon
- ???
- ???
- ???
Trump Card: ???
-
Jared: Uh, sir, who are those question marks in the Neutral Party?
The Warden: Oh, those are some surprise appearances.
Jared: Isn't that a little terrifying?
The Warden: No idea what you're on about. So, are you ready?
Black Hat: I suppose I am.
The Warden: Then let Fight City... begin!
The inmates immediately ran at each other, ready to fight for something that doesn't impact them in the slightest.
Jackknife promptly jumps into the opposing crowd and punches the first person he sees the in the face, that forst person being someone by the name of Earth.
Earth: Oh, what the fuck?
Jackknife tries throwing another punch, yet the attempt is blocked this time around. In retaliation, Earth kicks him in the abdomen, then in the face. Before he can do any further damage, he feels someone tapping his shoulder.
Earth: Who the hell-
Behind him was Star, who smacked the shit out of Earth.
Star: Stop trying to kill my teammates!
Earth: ...that's literally what we're supposed to do.
Star: Fair point. However,-
Star kicks Earth in the stomach, catching him off-guard. As Star was retreaing his leg, Earth grabbed it, lifted his enemy up using it, and threw him away. Star ends up landing on top of Jackknife, who is crushed to death by Star's overweight crocodile build.
Jackknife was eliminated by Star!
Star swiftly stands up, but before he can inspect the body, Izzy pushes him away. The rat pulls out an empty syringe out of his pocket and tries to stab Star, but the croc manages to hold his arm back.
Not too far away from this grisly sight was a tea party, which didn't fit in with the environment in the slightest. Four friends sat around a table, eating ice cream and discussing the single most important topic...
Hello Kitty: Woah, you like cookies too?
Chikn Nuggit: Yeah! They're awesome!
Hello Kitty: This is amazing! I love chocolate chip cookies!
Chikn Nuggit: I love snickerdoodles! They smell very nice!
Bloody Bunny: What about you, Rei?
Rei: As we can see, King Bach has presented a rather large spoon to his friend. The humor in this video stems from the fact that King Bach would like to eat ice cream, but his friend retorts at him, saying he can only have a spoonful, nothing more. Bach then suddenly changes his expression and body language, and reveals that he is, indeed, in possession of a spoon. But not just any spoon, no, it is a massive stainless steel spoon. This is funny because you would never expect someone to just casually be in possession of a massive spoon to eat ice cream with. It is completely unorthodox and uncalled for. This is why the video is so humorous and was put on the 2012 Epic Vine Compilation playlist on YouTube.
Bloody Bunny: ...why do we keep inviting her?
The conversation is interrupted as Dura lands on and breaks the table out of nowhere, causing three of those present to run away. However, Rei just kinda stands there.
Rei: The hell was that for?
Dura: I've come to beat your ass.
Rei: You'll die trying.
Dura throws a punch, which Rei ducks under. She then jumps up into Dura abdomen, knocking him back a bit. The guy who looks an awful lot like Featherine crams around his ppcket for something... and pulls out a very confused Bunny.
Bunny: Wait, where am I?
Bunny's question isn't answered before he's thrown at Rei, who, like before, just ducks under it. The bunny is now headed straight for The Warden, who, upon seeing this, holds his cane like a golf club.
The Warden: Fore!
As soon as Bunny comes close enough, The Warden whacks him back where he came from. He bumps into Dura, knocking them both to the ground. Dura is quick to stand back up though, and throws Bunny over his shoulder. He jumps into the air and heads straight for Rei.
Dura: You want a piece of me?
Rei: No... only a spoonful.
Rei pulls a comically large spoon out of her ass [figuratively], much to Dura's shock. Before he can do anything, he's smacked by the utensil and flung far away, much to both The Warden's surprise and annoyance.
The Warden: Hey, that was my move!
Unlike most other inmates, Famous Supercriminal And Genius Billionare Playboy Matthew Anderson walks out of the cell in a very proper manner. Dressed in his best black suit and holding a martini in his hand, he stood on one of the higher floors, didn't intend on interacting much with the fight and merely watching it.
These intentions are ruined when a prisoner by the name of Random broke a glass bottle over his head. The billionare fell over the railing upon the impact, landing face-first on the floor.
Random: No exceptions, jackass!
Before the rich guy can properly stand up, he's run over by a racecar, which only existed to run him over. Already having been injured, he's then walked on by a scared 505, who's weight broke his entire back. On his last dying breath, he tries lifting his head, only for Vincent Ludwig from The Naked Gun to crush it because his death inspired Matthew's.
Famous Supercriminal And Genius Billionare Playboy Matthew Anderson was eliminated by Vincent Ludwig!
Upon hearing that name, The Warden teleports to Matthew Anderson's corpse to face Vincent himself.
The Warden: Who are you? You're not on the list!
Vincent Ludwig: I am.
The Warden: No you aren't.
Vincent Ludwig: I'm going to kill you!
The Warden simply snaps Vincent out of existence before he can do anything.
Vincent Ludwig was eliminated by The Warden!
While The Warden is distracted, Black Hat sneaks up behind him, trying to kill him with his claws. Before he can do so, he feels something robotic gripping his leg. He looks behind himself to see Jailbot with a mischievous expression, or at least as mischievous as a robot can get.
Once he's grabbed the villain by the leg, he spins him around very rapidly, until letting him go at a random point. The momentum sends Black Hat flying, but by sticking his cane into the ground, he isn't flung too far.
Spectating from a distance, the Swedish Twins gleefully watch the onslaught, gaining great entertainment from it.
Swedish Twin #1: It seems The Warden has hosted a sensational event.
Swedish Twin #2: It is a pure feast for the eyes.
As they're talking, another pair of twins shows up behind them; French, full name FrenchHoaxWide, and French, full name FrenchHoaxWhy'dHeAppearTwice.
French Twin #1: I see that you two aren't fighting at all.
The twins turn around, a bit dumbfounded.
French Twin #2: This calls for a revolution!
Both twins get into a fighting position, and soon engage in a bout of fisticuffs. They're very equally matched, nobody having a significant advantage over the other, so they continue fighting...
The Doctor runs about on the battlefield, distraught with the mass amount of violence going on. So, in an attempt to save himself, he pulls a microphone out of his pocket and yells an order into it.
The Doctor: Release Specimen 7!
As soon as he spoke those words, a jumbotron above the arena announced the new special fighter.
Jumbotron: Forged from the DNA of your Superjail staff comes a creature whose sole purpose is to destroy, whose only recognizable emotion is... domination. Domination. Specimen 7.
Not long after, a horrid amalgamation of the Superjail staff's DNA is released, just what The Doctor ordered. It begins running around, looking for any potential target.
Two famous movie stars watch this from a distance with absolute horror on their faces.
Jordan Peele: Mike, we have to Get Out (2016) before it gets Us (2019)! We have to stay calm though.
Mike Myers: Am I supposed to say "That's okay, I don't mind"?
Jordan Peele: Nope (2022).
Mike Myers: ...you know what? Save yourself, I'll try to distract this beast.
Jordan Peele: Wait!
Before he can be stopped, Mike walked up to the specimen.
Mike Myers: What are you doing in my swamp?
The disgusting concoction turns to stare at the comedian, then screeches at him.
Mike Myers: I'll get you, and it'll look like a bloody accident!
Specimen 7 begins slowly raising it's baton, at which point Mike realizes he simply wasn't built for this.
Mike Myers: Uh oh... I regret making Love Guru!
Once he's finished talking, the creature swings the baton back down, crushing the comedian.
Mike Myers was eiliminated by Specimen 7!
On the other side of the arena, two teams were having an argument. Akumya and Chungie had found a rocket launcher in the middle of the ground, but Izzy, Elajios, Jose and Aiden claimed it as their own, much to the other team's annoyance.
Akumya: You can't just take out stuff only because you're more than us!
Izzy: Oh, yeah? Why not? We clearly deserve it.
Elajios: You could try and fight us over it, just know that you're doomed!
Chungie: Dude, we found this first, it belongs to us, what's so difficult about that?
Jose: "Oh, we found it first" my ass. It's ours for the taking!
Aiden: Yeah! And only I'll be able to carry it!
Izzy: Wait, what?
Elajios: We can at least share-
Aiden: Hey, I called dibs on using it alone. You should've done that sooner.
Jose: It doesn't work like that!
Akumya: You think they're distracted?
Chungie: Yeah, meaning the launcher is all ours-
Before they can take it, Jordan Peele snatches it right from them. As they're about to complain, the get knocked to the side by Specimen 7, who was in pursuit of the director.
Once he believes himself to have gotten enough distance, Jordan turns around and aims the rocket launcher at the specimen. He fires it, yet nothing comes out for a few seconds. Both confused and annoyed, Jordan checked the front of the launcher, only to find he had it turned the wrong way.
The rocket finally launched, and with it being aimed behind Jordan, he's launched into the sky, dropping his launcher, and landing right into the mouth of Specimen 7, who tears him apart and devours him disturbingly fast.
Jordan Peele was eliminated by Specimen 7!
Not far away from the scene, Scarecrow was running away from three members of the opposing team - Vapor, Quack and Ivan - when he spotted the same rocket launcher Peele had dropped. Taking the chance, he swiftly picks it up and aims it at his enemies.
Scarecrow: Stop what you're doing, or I'll shoot!
Vapor: Oh no, a rocket launcher, I'm so scared.
Quack: Good luck trying to hit us all with one rocket!
Ivan: I wish you the best of luck too, I hope you're able to do it!
Quack: Wait, no, I didn't literally wish him luck.
Ivan: Oh, my bad.
Quack had a point. There was no chance he was gonna be able to hit all of them at once, so he had to think of a different solution. While thinking, he spots Shoutmon walking gleefully across the ground. Taking the opportunity, he grabs the small creature and holds the launcher to it's head.
Scarecrow: If you don't leave me alone, this... whatever it is will get it!
Quack: No, not the cute creature!
Ivan: Anything but the cute creature!
Vapor: Don't you think a fucking rocket launcher may be a bit overkill?
Scarecrow: Do you think I planned to hold someone hostage? I gotta make do with what I got.
Vapor: Fair.
Scarecrow is about to fire a rocket, but just as he pulls the trigger, nothing comes out. He checks inside to find that there's no jammed rocket, there's just no rocket to get jammed in the first place.
Vapor: ...so it doesn't even work-
The oreo-headed warrior is interrupted by the rocket launcher violently exploding due to a malfunction, sending Scarecrow flying in the opposite direction and destroying Shoutmon.
Shoutmon was eliminated by Malfunctioning Rocket Launcher!
Scarecrow: Oh come on, I didn't even get the kill?
-
The pair of twins were still fighting one another in the exact same monotonous combat style, something the Swedish ones have noticed themselves.
Swedish Twin #1: This back and forth is becoming monotonous.
Swedish Twin #2: I say we "spice it up" a little.
Swedish Twin #1: Combaticus?
Swedish Twin #2: Combaticus.
The two twins swiftly leave for a bit, leaving the French Twins alone.
French Twin #1: Hey, where are they going?
French Twin #2: I have no idea.
Almost immediately after their departure, the jumbotron announces a new combatant.
Jumbotron: Perfection. Dominance. The ultimate in fighting biotechnology. Combaticus.
Soon enough, a small blue man resembling the Swedish Twins appears alongside, well, the Swedish Twins, as all of the inmates start surrounding this strange new fighter.
Swedish Twin #1: Your time to shine.
Swedish Twin #2: Humiliate them.
One of the inmates approaches the dwarven warrior, clearly not intimidated.
Random: Am I supposed to take this pipsqueak seriously? Let's fight!
Random takes on an old-timey fighting stance, then gets immediately punched straight through the head, killing him instantly.
Pee-Dee: Owch, that's gotta hurt.
Combaticus faces the rest of the inmates, who all assume a combat-ready stance and charge into battle. Combaticus stands there, willing to take on any fool believing themselves to be worthy.
Aiden tries to deliver an uppercut, but his arm is grabbed halfway through, torn off, and used as a tool to beat him to death. As Akumya runs towards the blue guy, the arm is flung right into his chest, impaling him on it.
Quack tries sneaking up from behind and grabbing Combaticus in a chokehold, but the warrior notices his presence and grabs him under the shoulders from behind, then slams his head into the ground.
The French Twins appear on either side of Combaticus, and start chucking him around like a Pong game featuring a ragdoll. Eventually, Combaticus gets a hold of both of their arms. He grabs the back of their heads and slams them together, killing them both.
Ash, Pee-Dee and Gary run at him together, employing the French Twins' strategy of more equals better, only with one more person. Combaticus aims to attack Ash first, but the coward grabs Gary and uses him as a meatshield, causing the mute to be eviscerated in a barrage of punches.
Pee-Dee starts biting his leg, for he couldn't do much else in a combat sense, and is swiftly grabbed by Combaticus. As Ash tries running away, he is grabbed as well. After a few seconds of doing nothing, Combaticus grabs Pee-Dee and performs a Hancock reference on him and Ash.
Bunny runs in circles in a panic unril he's grabbed by Combaticus and shaped into a bowling ball. Seeing Chikn Nuggit, Hello Kitty and Bloody Bunny still running around, he aims his make-shift bowling ball at them and throws it. Bunny crashes straight into the group, gaining Combaticus a strike.
The Warden and Black Hat watch this from a distance, both equally diappointed.
The Warden: Goddangit, stupid twins always have to ruin Fight City!
Black Hat: ...I believe I have a solution.
The Warden: Wait, really?
While they talked about a potential solution, Combaticus had gotten both Earth and Vapor into a chokehold. Despite their best attempts to flee, they eventually run out of breath and fall unceremoniously.
Scarecrow and Izzy engage in a bit of involuntary teamwork, as in Scarecrow tries throwing Izzy at Combaticus. The small man simply catches him and throws him back at a much faster rate. They both impact and practically explode from the force.
Random, Aiden, Akumya, Quack, The French Twins, Ash, Pee-Dee, Gary, Bunny, Hello Kitty, Chikn Nuggit, Bloody Bunny, Earth, Vapor, Scarecrow and Izzy were eliminated by Combaticus!
Jose and Elajios have given up trying to fight Combaticus altogether and have opted for exiting the arena, but Jailbor stops them before they can do so. The robot grabs both of them and stuffs them inside his robot body. After a few seconds, a hatch opens, and a cube consisting of Jose and Elajios pops out.
Jose and Elajios were eliminated by Jailbot!
The remaining five - Star, Ivan, Rei, Dura and Chungie - stand before Combaticus as he slowly approaches them. They all collectively back off from the one who killed all of their fellow inmates. Suddenly, they hear a loud screech from above, and look up to find Specimen 7 hovering above. Before they can move, the abomination lands on them.
Star, Ivan, Rei, Dura and Chungie were eliminated by Specimen 7.
During all of this, The Warden and Black Hat had been speaking about the solution to the bire-sized problem. Let's pick up where we left off...
The Warden: Wait, really?
Black Hat: *ahem* Demencia!
Almost in an instant, Demencia appears by the villain's side, ready to take whatever orders he tasks her with.
Demencia: Hello, Sir Black Hat! How can I help?
Black Hat pulls the Evil Ray out of his pocket and hands it to her.
Black Hat: Push that button.
Demencia: Oh, with pleasure!
Demencia ecstatically takes the Evil Ray and initiates it, causing the most evil thing she can think of to appear...
The Warden: Wow...
As with all prior special entries, this one is announced over the Jumbotron.
Jumbotron: Black Hat? No, Black Hot! But the villainy? He lacks not! His biceps can bisect any tyke that tries to fight them! His rock hard abs can crush wooden logs, heavy boulders, and the competition! Black Hot!
An extremely buff version of Black Hat confidently strolls into the arena and makes his way to Combaticus and Specimen 7.
Black Hot: I suggest you two make this quick, I don't have much time before I must apply my daily evil lotion!
Specimen 7 immediately tries charging at Black Hot, only to be punched in the face and knocked back. The bodybuilder grabs the baton from the Frankenstein's creature and starts bashing it repeatedly until he feels something rugging his shorts.
Combaticus stood there, and punched Black Hot in the leg, which he didn't seem to feel. He tries whacking the dwarf with the baton to, but each attempt is swiftly dodged by the small man. Eventually, Combaticus gets a hold of the baton himself and jerks it away, knocking Black Hot to the ground in the process.
Specimen 7 charges at Combaticus, who was still wielding it's baton. It tries biting him, but he keeps backflipping away. After several failed attempts, the amalgamation gets a hold of Combaticus and slams him into the floor multiple times.
The Warden watches this event from afar, finally seeing that Combaticus has met his match.
The Warden: It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? Hey, where'd you go?
The Warden frantically looks around for Black Hat, yet he isn't found anywhere. Suddenly, his face appears on the jumbotron, cackling mischievously.
The Warden: There you are! Say, how about we-
Black Hat: You fool...
The Warden: What? What do you mean?
Black Hat: Do you really think we're in cahoots now? I'll inform you that this isn't the case.
The Warden: Well, I should've figured.
Black Hat: Let's end this. Once and for all.
A black void-like liquid flows out of the screen and in front of The Warden, where it then turns into Black Hat. He tries swinging his claws at The Warden, but his shapeshifting allows him to easily dodge them all.
Mark grabs his cane and tries using it as some sort of weapon against his opponent, yet that idea falls flat very quickly when Black Hat instantly gets a hold of it himself. The villain tries tearing away the cane, but The Warden won't let go, no matter how much force is applied.
Dr. Flug watches the fight from a distance and believes it's time to step in himself. He pulls out his shrink ray and aims it at The Warden, yet just as he's about to shoot, Alice smacks it out of his hand with her baton.
Alice: No foul tricks!
As she tries smto swing her baton again, Demencia jumps onto her back and starts holding her in a chokehold.
Alice: Hey, get off of me!
Alice swings the baton over her head to try and strike Demencia with it while the insane woman just giggles maniacally. As Alice stumbles across the ground trying not to fall, she accidentally steps on the shrink ray she knocked out of Flug's hand.
Jared, who was still shrunken by this point, grows back to his normal size. He uses this as a chance to save Alice by jumping onto Demencia's back and holding her in a chokehold too. This works surprisingly fast, as Demencia quickly lets go of Alice and falls to the floor, although she mostly lands on Jared.
In the meantime, Black Hat and The Warden do what they had been doing for most of the fight; Black Hat tried to strike The Warden with his claws or laser, and The Warden's shapeshifting allowed him to evade it all. Black Hat was also starting to notice the repetition.
Black Hat: Doesn't it feel bland?
The Warden: What does?
Black Hat: We keep doing the same thing, not a hint of variety... let's change up the formula.
Suddenly, everything starts getting messed up as Black Hat began to warp reality to his will. The ground started shaking, and The Warden couldn't even use his cane to try and stand up straight anymore.
The employees felt this too, as everyone started trembling and falling down to the floor, except for Jailbot, since he could fly. Naturally, Jailbot's digital face displayed a happy emotion.
The Warden: What the hell are you doing?
Black Hat: This place was never yours to command, Warden. You're far too incompetent.
Instead of the fear he had come to expect from his victims, the Warden started laughing hysterically, pissing off Black Hat quite a lot.
Black Hat: What's so funny now, you imbecile?
The Warden: Really? You think you're in control?
Slowly, The Warden started growing to unreal heights, just short enough to not break through the roof of Fight City.
The Warden: You think you can take my Superjail from me? You f###ing fool!
The Warden grows massive fireballs in his palms and throws each one at Black Hat. The first one manages to hit him and knock him quite far back, but he knows to roll out of the way just in time for the second one. He swiftly turns into a dark mist.
The Warden: Where did you go now? Fire got a little intense for you?
Black Hat reappears besides the big three trump cards of the long gone teams. Using his warping powers, he starts fusing them together, their bodies shifting into grisly positions and morphing into one massive abomination.
Using telekinesis, he throws the ball of morphing dysmorphia to The Warden, who instinctively catches it. Due to the fusing still taking place, The Warden's hands slowly start being intergrated as well. He notices soon enough though, and chops off his hands using shapeshifting so that it can't spread any further, then grows two new ones.
The Warden: Do you really think you can defeat me?
Black Hat: Not a doubt in mind! Do you know how many other, much stronger people I've easily crushed? You're nothing to me!
The Warden: See, there's the issue; You've crushed people. I'm above those people, I am above life as you know it, I'm the f###ing Warden of Superjail!
As he says this, he starts to shapeshift, but not into anything normal, no... he was becoming the universe. With a mighty laugh, he takes his otherworldly arm and tries striking down Black Hat once and for all.
Black Hat, however, had other plans. Using his powers, he started to shift the universe that is The Warden into one, causing him a ton of nigh-insufferable pain. Even with his extraterrestrial body being forced to become one, he finds the strength to force his arm down and towards Black Hat.
The villain has none of this, and starts to accelerate the shift to a severe degree. The Warden is being torn from the inside out and from the outside in, his mighty hand headed straight for the culprit. Black Hat desperately tries to slow down the arm enough so that it can get absorbed into the blank space The Warden was turning into.
The Warden: Do you think you can keep me at bay forever?
Black Hat: Long enough for you to fall, Warden!
The Warden: You will not be there to experience it!
Black Hat: I've been there since Day One, I don't think I'll leave anytime soon!
The Warden: I guess I'll have to force you then!
Black Hat: You will die trying, Warden, just like everyone else who dared to oppose me!
The Warden: I'm the one who pulls the strings here!
Black Hat: You're no ruler, Warden, I lead the way!
The Warden: I'm the...
Black Hat: One in...
Black Hat & The Warden In Unison: CONTRRROOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!
Black Hat's reality warping and The Warden's sheer might clashed together in one massive implosion, one that reality itself is not able to keep up with. The proportions start shifting and changing on their own, time feels like a mere side-thought, and all sense is lost as meaning becomes meaningless.
Then, suddenly.
Everything turned black.
Post-Fight[]
The streets were as dirty as they had always been. Trash was littered across the entire area, and not a speck of beauty had been preserved. This was the normal world, however, everyone's used to this already.
On said streets, a man in a purple suit suddenly jerks up, having woken up from what appears to be a nightmare. He looks upon himself, and sees that he's covered in dirt and rubbish.
He promptly brushes it off and empties his trash-filled top hat before putting it on. Lastly, he picks up his cane and stands himself up, then heads for a destination only he knows.
Results[]
K.O!
Time Judge: Do you now see the consequences your actions have on the fabric of reality?
Boomstick: I don't get it, how did this happen? I thought-
Wiz: I believe I know how. You see, Black Hat and The Warden we're extremely evenly matched!
Boomstick: Oh, yeah, that's true! These two shared many powers with one another, each of them being similarly effective.
Wiz: And even the abilities that were exclusive to them either didn't gain them a significant enough advantage to net them a win or were evened out by a weakness.
Boomstick: By all accounts, this should've been a tie, if not for The Warden's secret trump card; The real world.
Wiz: At the end of The Dream Machine, we can see a man dressed like The Warden in the middle of the street, having woken up from the nightmare that was the episode.
Boomstick: It's highly implied that the events of Superjail! all take place in that man's head, meaning The Warden technically exists on a higher plane!
Wiz: So, while these two incredibly powerful fighters went out in what should have been a tie...
Boomstick: The Warden had one more trick up his sleeve that put this criminal on death row!
Wiz: The winner is The Warden.
Black Hat [Loser]:
+ More combat experience
+ More advanced reality warping
= Almost every power they share
- Worse regeneration
- Less advanced shapeshifting
- Too arrogant for his own good
- Doesn't exist on a higher plane
The Warden [Winner]:
+ Better regeneration
+ More advanced shapeshifting
+ Exists on a higher plane
= Almost every power they share
- Less combat experience
- Less advanced reality warping
- Insanity can hold him back
Time Judge: Wrong!
Wiz: Wait, what?
Boomstick: What do you mean "wrong"?
Time Judge: There is no winner in this scenario! You caused the death of reality as we know it, and you two continue to treat this as some game!
Boomstick: This is literally our job, you dipstick!
Wiz: Yeah, that's kinda the whole reasen we're-
Time Judge: Silence! Wizard and Boomstick of Death Battle, by the powers vested in us, in the name of Time Court, we hereby find you...
(Various flying creatures surround their cages. They stare at the two men, knowing exactly what fate they're about to meet. And it only takes a single word.)
Time Judge: GUILTY!