| Bill Rizer VS Marco Rossi | |
|---|---|
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 3 |
| Season Episode | 3 |
| Air date | Ideally in 2024 |
| Written by | Wither |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Movie Mario VS CD-i Link |
Next Garfield VS Gumball Watterson |
Bill Rizer VS Marco Rossi is an upcoming What-If Death Battle by Wither. While it is officially episode 3 in his season, you all know by now that Wither doesn't give a shit about numerical order and just writes his fights whenever he feels like it.
The Basics[]
- Connections: Bill Rizer and Marco Rossi are arguably the kings of the run & gun genre, just like how Mario and Sonic represent platformers. Both are super soldiers fighting off aliens, machines and warlords using an unmatched arsenal of firearms, grenades, power-ups and tanks and together with their equally skilled team of allies (The Contra force for Rizer, the Peregrine Falcon Squad for Rossi).
- Sources: Everything I can get my hands on.
- Host Bios:
- Greg: Sporting short hair dyed gray, Greg is the Boomstick of the host panel. He's an idiot and a weirdo 1st class, who loves hot girls and lacks the ability to resist trying to flirt with them right off the bat. 16 years old, Greg "wastes" most of his time having epic gamer moments. In other words, he is a role model for all of us, no? [Greg's text is in bold.]
- Zoë: A girl with long, light brown hair who loves screwing around. Always frisky and playful, Zoë does her best keeping the atmosphere happy and bright, and she cannot resist trolling her follow hosts. Her eyes too, are a pure black. At 14 years old, Zoë is the youngest host, but her knowledge of anime, manga and derivations thereof always impresses her friends. [Zoé's text has no special styling]
- Zack: At 17 years, Zack is the oldest of the hosts, and additionally the most serious, too. He just wants to get the episode done and over with. Due to this, as well as his nerdy calculation skills and daily dose of obscure and random facts, Zack is consistently the target of his friends' memeing and jokes. Zack loves reading comics and graphic novels, possessing a huge stockpile of them in his Comic Vault. Zack wears glasses and dyed his hair pure white, because why not? [Zack's text is in italic.]
- Melissa: A 15-year old girl with long hair dyed a crimson red and mascara, who always suffers from her horrible temper and unpolite attitude. Swearing and curses are part of her everyday vocabulary, and she commonly trolls her friends when they annoy her, even if not directly. Melissa specializes in movies and TV series (excl. anime), and has extensive knowledge of weapons and magic, which she has herself studied. Despite pestering him all the time, Melissa secretly has a crush on Zack and admires him for his knowledge. Not that she would ever admit this however. She's way too proud for that. [Melissa's text is in bold AND italic.]
Description[]
Contra VS Metal Slug! The two poster boys of the run & gun genre finally blast it out to settle this rivalry once and for all! Will the Konami Code prove its worth? Or is SNK's resurgence truly unstoppable?
Interlude[]
Greg: The arcade is a very interesting compartment of video game culture, sporting its very own culture, tropes and conventions that no other part of the industry has.
Melissa: Yeah, like the golden rule of arcade: Every game has Dark Souls levels of difficulty and lunacy. The harder your game, the more often people would die and squeeze in some extra coins to keep playing. Ah, yes, capitalism. :)
Zack: As a genre that originated from the arcade before migrating to the home market, the run & gun genre is inherently painful and sadistic, yet so pleasant and addicting. Kinda like ... whatever the fuck you call the shit in Greg's greenhouse. Good stuff ...
Zoë: Today, we've planned the ultimate shootout between the biggest legends of the run & gun world — the pioneers of a genre. Bill Rizer, the Contra elite who saves the world while shirtless ...
Greg: And Marco Rossi, SNK's only really famous character that isn't from one of their 8 million fighting game series. Striving for originality, huh?
Melissa: These two Michael Bay heroes will be facing off in an epic duel of guns, explosions, and more of the same. As the hosts, it's our job to analyze the numbers, feats, weapons and all that shit, I'm sure you get it by now. Name's Melissa, and I brought three pals with me: Greg, Zack & Zoë.
Zack: Ladies and fellow gentleman, I think it's time for...
Everyone: "A DEATH BATTLE!"
Bill Rizer[]
Greg: In the wise words of a bunch of British tabletop game nerds: "In the grim dark future, there is only war."
Zoë: This is a mostly accurate description of the Contra series, but not quite there. So we decided to correct them! "In the grim dark future, there is only war... and a lot of broken gamepads!"
Greg: Right. In the year 2633, some really weird stuff has been going down on the Galuga Archipelago, some islands off the coast of New Zealand. And by weird stuff, I mean that everyone suddenly lost their shits and started doing PEWPEWPEW, so the united Earth government decided to send the two manliest men to go fix that mess pronto.
Zack: We're obviously talking about Bill Rizer and his homeboi Lance Bean, who single-handedly stopped this "Red Falcon" army — aliens who possessed the soldiers to prepare an invasion of Earth — twice ... while shirtless, of course! Can't be the poor man's Rambo without showing off your sixpack.
- Name: Bill Rizer
- Codename: "Mad Dog"
- Age: 34 as confirmed in Contra 3D. By the time of his death in Neo Contra, he is likely approximately 1,800 years old chronologically, due to being frozen in cryostasis for a long period of time.
- Born: Approximately 2599 CE
- Died: 4444 CE
- Height: 188 cm (6' 2")
- Weight: 115 kg (254 lb)
- SHIRTS ARE FOR THE WEAK
Melissa: After they whoop-assed dem aliens the second time, they got pretty salty and decided they were done possessing human soldiers. In the words of many wise examples of evil scum: "Fine, I'll do it myself." And so the Alien Wars ensued, wherein dem aliens threw everything they had at the Earth.
Zoë: Not that it helped, though. Bill and Lance ripped their shirts off and shot up everything in sight, destroyed the aliens' artillery, and finally infiltrated the breeding nest, where they rekt Emperor Demon Gava.
Zack: It almost looked as if Bill and his entourage could finally earn their veteran's retirement. But then all went awry. See, the aliens weren't actually bent on adding Earth to their big sexy empire. They were controlled by a primordial tribe of cosmic entities referred to as the Moirai, who were looking to retrieve an artifact of theirs: The Relic.
Zoë: And guess what? Being the dickhead politicians they are, Earth's rulers stole that Relic prior to the beginning of the series so that the three dictators of the Earth government, the Triumvirate, could tap into its power and achieve godhood. Assholes.
Greg: Lance found this out; as he was now a liability, the Triumvirate fucking murdered him and framed Bill! And because he clearly didn't look bad enough already, the Triumvirate decided to take it a step further. A weapons incident occured that wiped out 80% of Earth's populace, and the Triumvirate made it look like it was Bill's fault. Now allegedly a war criminal, Bill was sentenced to 10,000 years of being frozen solid. Or, as the proper, fancy word goes: Cryogenic stasis.
Melissa: The Triumvirate was really, really happy about their successful victory, until the Blood Falcon attacked five years later and they kinda needed to work with Bill to stop them. Awkwaaaard ...
Zack: Bill was released and, together with a female cyborg called Lucia, deployed to stop the Blood Falcon. In a shocking revelation, the Blood Falcon's leader turned out to be ... Lance Bean. He somehow survived his assassination by getting resurrected and absorbed by an alien cell, but due to him receiving alien DNA, he also turned evil by inheriting their motives.
Greg: I'm not even going to question that.
Zoë: Bill was forced to murder Lance, this time for good. In his last words, Lance revealed everything, and Bill furiously set out to defeat the Triumvirate. By the time he got there, the Relic murdered all three before Bill and then attacked him. Thankfully, being the shirtless badass he is, Bill managed to blow it to shreds.
Zack: But Bill's story doesn't end here. After he got placed back in stasis, the government began cloning him. In 4444 CE, Bill escaped his stasis for the final time, and assisted one such clone and his friends in bringing down the government once and for all, under the disguise of "Mystery G". After being forced to kill Lucia, the team faces Master Contra, the big bad overlord of the game in question. Just as Master Contra prepares to kill clone Bill and his friend Jaguar, the REAL Bill shows up and sacrifices himself. In his dying words, Bill reveals to his döppelganger that he is a duplicate of him, and that "G." is the OG Bill.
Melissa: After that, Rizer finally dies, and his clone swears to take down Master Contra and the corrupt authorities once and for all. Clone Bill succeeds in his mission and essentially becomes OG Bill's successor, with the legendary hero living on within him. As for what happens thereafter? ... We don't really know. No game released after Neo Contra has taken place after it, with all newer games going back to the 2600's. One day, we might get a proper continuation set in the 5th millenium, but that'll require Konami to stop being a joke, so we'll probably have to wait quite some time.
Greg: Hol' up. Bill is DEAD?!
Zoë: Yep. I mean, his clone is still alive, but yeah, the Bill Rizer you grew up with by playing as him in Contra, Super Contra, Contra III: The Alien Wars and various other games, is indeed dead.
Greg: ...DAMN. What can I say, other than a big-ass F in the chat?
Melissa: Well, you could start talking about what arms Rizer has on hand, since we previously established he does a lot of PEWPEWPEW.
Greg: Oh.
Guns
- Rifle
- Machine Gun
- Spread Gun
- Laser
- Crush Gun
- Homing Gun
- Flamethrower
- Grenade Launcher
- Rocket Launcher
- Wave Gun
- Minigun
- Sniper Rifle
- Plasma Thrower
- Gas Gun
- Frozen Gun
- Electro Gun
- Lazer EX
- Howitzer
- Assault Rifle
Zack: Not to worry Greg, I can fill you in here. It's very true that Bill has a lot of guns. And then I mean LOTS. This includes the standard Rifle, which shoots bullets at a decent pace, and its much more impressive counterpart the Machine Gun; that gun's bullets are bigger and faster. The Laser power-up (L) fires laser beams at a really fast rate, and if he needs to get something just blown up, he'll go for the Crush Gun (C), which fires very powerful missiles in a straight line. They explode after traveling a slight distance.
Zoë: Another missile-using weapon in Bill's arsenal is the Homing Gun (H). The missiles fired by that weapon are significantly weaker than the Crush Gun, but they home in on enemies and blow up in their face. One of Bill's more interesting weapons is the Flamethrower, mainly because he has not one, not two, not three, but four of the damn things.
Greg: One functions like a flamethrower-flamethrower, in that does what you'd expect and exhales a stream of fire. Another (F) functions more like some sort of fire whip that Bill can dangle anywhere, and a third shoots out spiraling fireballs. Lastly, the fourth flamethrower type shoots out large fireballs that blow up into smaller ones when they strike an enemy.
Melissa: Contra 4: Redux brought us the Wave Gun. This odd yet useful weapon fires an energy wave that penetrates enemies. It can also generate additional waves that travel perpendicularly to the main wave. There's also the Grenade Launcher, Minigun, Assault Rifle and Sniper Rifle, which ... please don't make me explain what those things are.
Zack: Bill's Rocket Launcher is of a special breed, in that it fires three to five missiles that somehow pierce through weaker enemies. But arguably the most iconic weapon in Bill's closet is the Spread Gun (S), which fires a huge spread of big red bullets that covers up wherever Bill fires.
Zoë: And brought to us by Contra Return (Which still has to reach Western markets, sadly :<) are some more crazy guns. Think of the Plasma Thrower, which is a shotgun that fires plasma. The Gas Gun, which exhales poisonous gas that smells worse than Greg's socks. The Frozen Gun, which shoots icey cold wind that freezes enemies solid. The Electro Gun diffuses a continuous stream of electricity that homes in on enemies. The Lazer Ex, which fires huge energy balls. And lastly, the Howitzer, which fires an exploding fireball that travels in an arc.
Greg: Goddamn, how many guns does a guy need?! Pretty sure he's American.
Other Items
- Knife
- Bow
- Crossbow
- Propellor
- Snowboard
- Motorcycle
- Round Sweeper
- Grappling Hook
- M-80000 Helio Bomb
- Parabola Grenade
- The Helicopter
- Lightning Storm Drone
- Ion Cannon
- Speed-Up
- Barrier Power-Up
- Annihilation Cannon
- Tentacle Devil Claw
- Spore Hunter
- Contra Mech
- Metal Storm
- Oathbinder Armour
- Droid Helper
- Mechanic T-Rex Head
- A huge set of robot helpers in Contra Return. They will not be used for this fight (excl. the Droid Helper).
Melissa: If you thought we were done covering Bill's weapons, you're out of luck though. Granted, they're not guns, but it's worth iterating over stuff like his Knife, his Bow and Crossbow which both fire their own types of energy arrows, and his explosives. Like the M-80000 Helio Bomb, the famous explosive from The Alien Wars that blows up everything on screen. Or the Parabola Grenade, which are energy explosives that Bill can throw in an arc. He usually tosses three.
Zoë: Contra 4 gave Bill a Grappling Hook, which does exactly what you'd expect from it. More interesting is one of Bill's more unique gadgets, called the Round Sweeper. It's essentially a mobile turret thingy that Bill throws, after which it suspends itself in mid-air and fires a barrage of bullets while rotating around its own Y-axis. The main limitation to these cool beans is that they fire one quick barrage before shutting down and falling to the ground.
Zack: Just like any other retro gaming character, Bill has some Power-Ups in his sleeves, too. The most famous of these is the Barrier Power-Up; this creates a temporary forcefield around Bill that protects him from just about everything. The Speed-Up increases Bill's running speed, which, as you probably guessed, is also temporary. Can't have Sonic running around with guns ... ... Just thinking about it actually disturbs me way more than it should.
Greg: Yikes. But it's not like Bill himself isn't already frightening enough; I mean, the dude weaponized his fucking backpack! It has this thing called the Annihiliation Cannon, which makes several turrets pop out which then fire a giant barrage of rockets! I want this damn thing! If only I knew where to find one. Hey Zack, you think I can find that shit on eBay?
Melissa: Doubt it, maybe the Dark Web can help.
Zack: Melissa, please don't make him try to surf to the-
Greg: Oh uh, too late, already did at an earlier point. I ordered an Azerbaijani passport from a sketchy website like a few days ago.
Zoë: Damn. ...You uh, took necessary measures to protect your privacy, right??
Greg: ...Is that necessary?
"FBI, OPEN UP!"
Greg: ...Shit. Um. Well, see you guys later!
Without any further commentary, Greg jumps through the apartment window and lands down on the street below. A few cracking noises are heard.
Greg: OW! I'm fine, though! Nothing to see he-
Suddenly, the horn of a truck is heard, along with the brakes and more cracking noises.
Greg: coughing Heheh... still alive!
???: HEY, he's escaping! FREEZE! HOLD YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
Greg: Welp, time to hit the hay!
Zack: Ah, jeez. Let's hope Greg won't get us into real trouble someday.
Zoë: Soooo... we gonna finish this bio up without him?
Melissa: I guess so.
Zack: I'll start us off with the Tentacle Devil Claw, which Bill slams down on the floor to create a giant wave of spikey rocks across the floor. If this wasn't crazy enough however, wait until we get to Bill's Summons. Yes, SUMMONS!
Zoë: And by Summons, we don't just mean an enemy or power-up or stuff like that. We're talking about a giant fucking holographic helicopter that fires gatling guns and rockets! Or how about a set of drones? The Droid Helper fires out a giant batch of energy bullets while also healing Bill. Convenient!
Melissa: The Lightning Storm Drone creates literal thunderclouds that rain down lightning bolts, and the Ion Cannon creates a satellite that forms several laser beams that go around in a circle before merging into one big laser. He even has a flying, Mechanical T-Rex Head that shoots a spread of energy projectiles! If the projectiles don't hit anything, they'll return to Bill like a boomerang. And the Spore Hunter shoots out giant green spores in both directions, poisoning the enemy on impact.
Zack: If Bill ever needs to get to places quickly, he's got it covered through his high-speed Motorcycle, which literally hovers over the ground. Snowy terrain? Piece of cake with his Snowboard! Does he need to fly, or slowly descend? No problem, he can ... literally ... hold on to a portable Propellor and ... fly ... I'm not making this up, go see for yourself.
Zoë: Wooh, this is a long-ass weapons section so far. I'm really glad we left out the like 800 robot helpers from Contra Returns. What else could Bill possibly have?
Melissa: Three pieces of giant battle armour with lots of weaponry.
Zoë: Well, I'll be damned.
Melissa: The first is the Contra Mech, a mini-mech suit that was stolen from the Red Falcon and reprogrammed. It now belongs to Bill. Using this suit, the dude can fly, shoot spread bullets, missiles, and a giant horizon beam. Once the laser is fired, it suffers a 15-second cooldown.
Zack: The Metal Storm is much more advanced in comparison. In fact, it can actually transform itself, morphing into several larger parts if Bill wishes so. It has compartments for lobbing giant homing rockets, barrages of bullets and energy blasts, and a giant, moving burst of fire!
Zoë: But undoubtedly Bill's most powerful armour HAS to be ... uh, "this". The name "Oathbinder Bill" is something the analysts took from Google Translate, given that Contra Returns hadn't reached Western territories at the time and footage of the game isn't easy to find. Anyway, this armour has a lot going for it. It gives him a bad-ass cape, a giant energy cannon, increases his strength if his health is low, can fire rockets that slow down Bill's enemies upon contact, and he can use his arm cannon as a thruster to dash forward and stun enemies!
Melissa: But we still have yet to showcase this armour's most ludicrous ability: Its energy field, that Bill can either keep around him, or plant down somewhere. If Bill is inside the field, his attack power drastically increases. If he's outside of the field, then he can teleport into it and use a Meteor Punch as soon as he does! The field can even trap enemies inside. Goddamn.
Zack: Even with all this, Bill is a VERY impressive fighter on his own too. Using his guns, he can kill giant aliens and machines, blow a stone statue to bits, and mowed down a giant helicopter mech. He also managed to behead a giant alien robot from above, which I can only call impressive.
Zoë: Durability-wise, Bill is tough enough to take a landing from space into the Earth's orbit and be fine, and take many giant explosions. This even includes a satellite explosion that left a crater and blew up some buildings!
Melissa: He's fast enough to avoid bullets while simultaneously evading landmines, avoid electrical surges while traveling up an elavator, run away from crumbling floors and dodge giant missiles WHILE hanging onto one himself. Did we mention Bill can climb nearly anything and freaking hang on flying rockets? He can apparently even teleport for no reason... somehow.
Zack: Bill's got years worth of guerilla warfare experience, marksmanship and more, he has saved the Earth from terrorists, robots, aliens and even gods many times, he uncovered the Triumvirate's conspiracy and brought them down, and can even top robots that are up to triple his size! One of them he beat by just hanging on to one missile. Bill was such a badass that the Neo Contra created a clone from him and an ultimate war machine made out of his consciousness! Talk about becoming legendary.
Zoë: But Bill is far from perfect. He's not the greatest strategist, for example. Most of his tactics come down to mindless PEWPEWPEW and just going guns blazing on every enemy he sees. It also shines through in the fact that he's a glass cannon; most of the time, he doesn't wear armour, and instead enters the ring shirtless. And even when he does wear armour, he doesn't cover his body completely. His vehicles and mech can also be destroyed by others.
Melissa: And sure, Bill may be really tough, but let's not forget that all it ultimately took Master Contra to kill him was one slash of his blade.
Zack: But even with these faults, Bill is an incredible fighter, and truly the badass we've all been waiting for.
Suddenly, Zack's phone rings. He answers the phone and puts it on speaker.
Zack: Yeah?
???: Zachary Byers? This is the border control of Azerbaijan. We caught someone trying to enter with a fake passport, and when we offered him a phone call, he told us to call you. Do you know Gregory Farlow?
Zack: ...I do. You say he tried to enter with a fake passport? How so?
???: Mr. Byers, it was literally a sheet of paper with "AZERBAIJANI PASSPORT" scribbled on it in all-caps.
Zack: Oh, I see. Do I come pick him up?
???: Yes please, we will be expecting you. Have a great day, Mr. Byers. *End conversation*
Zack: ... Welp, guess we're going to Azerbaijan. How the hell did he even get there anyway?
Melissa: It's Greg. Don't question it.
Zoë: Welp, off we go ...
Bill Rizer (OG): Listen, Rizer! Don't let his words rattle you. You know who you are. And how you live your life dictates who you are. You're not a fake if you risk your life fighting for your ideals. You are a true hero. You are Contra.
Bill Rizer (Clone): Just who are you?
Bill Rizer (OG): The same as you. Contra... I was called that... (dies)
Marco Rossi[]
Zack: Once upon a time, the warring nations of the Earth decided to put their differences aside and finally achieve the goal everyone dreamed of: Confederating into a single, united World Government. Everything went surprisingly well, aside from a few clusters of terrorist scum chewing bubble gum and kicking ass. And they're all out of gum.
Zoë: The terrorists were initially too inconsequential to cause any serious damage. ...Well, until a disaster struck New York: The Central Park Bombing.
Melissa: The attack cost the lives of General Donald Morden's wife and daughter, and it also cost the man himself an eye. Morden was already pissed enough, but when he realized the attack could've been prevented had it not been for the World Government's corruption and incompetence, bundled with an intelligence failure, he lost his shits.
Greg: So much in fact, that after resigning and slipping into alcoholism, he decided to make his own big sexy army and take over the whole world! ...Because that's totally what people do when their family dies!
Zack: Morden's army clapped the WO's Regular Army with ease, until they brought one man to the table: Marco Rossi. Born in Idaho to parents of Italian origin, Rossi enrolled first in a public technical high school where he graduated in computer science, and secondly in a prestigious military academy, where he graduated as a very skilled soldier. He now holds the Rank of Major, and he doesn't need bubble gum to kick Morden's ass.
- Name: Marchrius "Marco" Dennis Rossi
- Age: 26
- Born: 13 April 2005 (Metal Slug is set in the future)
- Hometown: Twin Falls (ID), United States
- Ethnicity: Italian-American
- Height: 180 cm (5' 11")
- Weight: 75 kg (165 lb)
- Technically the father of MS-Alice (An AI with a physical form, created by Marco) and of Midori Schumann (Adopted)
- Has the
shamedecency to wear a shirt
Zoë: In addition to that, Rossi also claps aliens, androids, the undead, and even gods! His skill is insane, but all in all, Rossi is also as heroic as it gets. He genuinely cares for his squad, and unlike many other military officials, he's quite personal, often hanging out with his crew in between all the world saving. Rossi also salvaged a hostile virus from an attacking militia, turned it into a friendly AI, and gave it a physical form projected from an SV-001. This AI became MS-Alice (Or simply Alice), a young girl whom Marco cares for as his daughter. He even installed a profanity filter on her so she doesn't swear!
Greg: Parenting 100.
Zack: And later on, Marco adopted Midori Schumann, a young girl with a passion for engineering whose parents were killed in the war. But even with his hands looking like they're full, Rossi always has time to save the Earth from attackers, wether it be Morden, dem aliens, literal godheads, or the machines. And you bet that in order to fullfill said task, he has a crapton of big guns ready in his pockets.
Guns
- Handgun
- Heavy Machine Gun
- Two Machine Guns
- Rocket Launcher
- Flame Shot
- Shotgun
- Combo Shotgun
- Laser Gun
- Enemy Chaser
- Iron Lizard
- Drop Shot
- Super Grenade
- Sniper Rifle
- Heavy Sniper Rifle
- Thunder Shot
- AK-74 Machine Gun
- Double Micro Submachine Gun
- Grenade Gun
- Saw Launcher
- Missile Pod
- Bazooka
- Bow
- Fire Gun
- Gatling Shot
- Missiles (Code J)
- AKM-S
- Barret-A1
- Lightning Storm
- Particle Gun
- Freeze Gun
- Fission Gun
- Special Shot
Melissa: Marco's default weapon, which he starts with in every game, is the Handgun. Unlike most of Marco's other weapons, this bad boi has infinite ammo. Marco is actually really skilled with this gun, to the point where Marco can fire it with twice of the speed of his comrades and with double the damage. When it comes to more automatic weapons, Marco has two options going for him.
Zoë: The first would be the iconic Heavy Machine Gun (H), which lets Marco spray bullets at quite the speedy rate. His second option would be to use Two Machine Guns, because two is always better than one, right? For stronger but short-range shots, Marco always has a trusty Shotgun by his side.
Intermission[]
Death Battle[]
Verdict[]
Original Soundtrack[]
By HyperSsonic
Poll[]
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Who do you think will win?