Big The Cat vs Jar Jar Binks is a What-if? Death Battle pitting Big the cat from the Sonic the Hedgehog series against Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars series.
| Big the Cat vs Jar Jar Binks | |
|---|---|
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| Season 1, Episode 2 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | October 9th, 2015 |
| Written by | Owly and Gold |
| Directed by | Owly and Gold |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Zeke the Dolphin vs Sage the Hedgehog (OC battle) | Ant-Man vs Shino Aburame |
Description[]
Sonic The Hedgehog vs Stars Wars! Who will win this duel of doofuses!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Throughout media there have been numerous character types but today we'll be looking at two of the biggest losers in fictional history.
Boomstick: Big the Cat.
Wiz: And Jar Jar Binks, the Gungan representative in the Galactic Senate.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who win.... A Death Battle!
Big the Cat[]
Wiz: Big was just an ordinary cat, living a peaceful life in the Mystic Ruins.
Boomstick: Uh, Wiz, I don't think normal cats stand at six feet six inches.
Wiz: Boomstick that's not what I meant. Anyways, one day Big's best friend Froggy-
Boomstick: Which is officially the most unoriginal name for a frog I've ever heard.
Wiz:-Was possessed by Chaos and ran off with Big's lucky charm, one of the seven chaos emeralds.
Boomstick: This set Big off on an epic quest of the ages, trying to find his best friend, tracking him to numerous different locations, such as an amusement park, beach, and even a battleship!
Wiz: After rescuing Froggy from the Egg Carrier, Big managed to escape the battleship after an encounter with Eggman.
Boomstick: BY FLYING TAILS' BIPLANE OFF THE SHIP! Seriously how did BIG of all people manage to fly a biplane with no experience?
Wiz: Who knows? Moving on, Big's primary weapon is his fishing rod, which at first glance may seem useless, but is capable of destroying robots and can even swing a mace around.
Boomstick: Big also carries a parasol which allows him to slow his descent if he ever gets thrown into the air, and can also perform various techniques such as the Spin dash and a body slam technique.
Wiz: Finally, Big is somehow able to resist both poison and electricity.
Boomstick: Huh. Anything else?
Wiz: He's good at fishing.
Boomstick: Will that help him at all?
Wiz: Probably not.
Boomstick: Of course it won't.
Wiz: Despite not having any deadly fishing skills, Big is capable of many things.
Boomstick: Such as Rescuing Froggy from Chaos 6, escaping from the from the Egg Carrier using the Tornado 2 despite not knowing how to fly it, and assisting Sonic in defeating the Metal Overlord.
Wiz: But Big isn't that smart and isn't the fastest, yet despite all of this, Big can be a power house when he needs to.
Big the Cat: "Froggy?"
Jar Jar Binks[]
Wiz: Born to a whaling family on Naboo, Jar Jar Binks had a lot to live up to. His ancestors before him were all superb whalers, and he had to prove to his parents that he was too.
Boomstick: But, he was such a clumsy dumb ass that he crashed the boat him and his mom and dad were sailing on.
Wiz: How did he do this you ask?
Boomstick: By letting go of the steering wheel! Really? Who does that?
Wiz: Anyway, JarJar crashed on a deserted island with his folks. His father threatened to kill himself, but JarJar stopped him by volunteering to go and swim for help. JarJar swam away and never saw his family again.
Boomstick: Wow, for the backstory of an alien-duck-fish-thing, that was a lot more depressing than I thought it would be.
Wiz: Binks found his way back to his home city of Otoh Gunga, and tried his best to make a living
Boomstick: But because he was so clumsy he got kicked out of his school, multiple jobs, and even a gig he landed working for the ruler of Otoh Gunga! How’d he do that?
Wiz: By destroying his Heyblibber.
Boomstick: What the fuck is that?
Wiz: An advanced Gungan Bongo.
Boomstick: Nevermind. This inevitably got Binks banned from town.
Wiz: In his banishment, he met Jedi master Qui-Gun Jinn, which set off his adventures throughout the galaxy.
Boomstick: And one of the most strangest things he did on this adventures was become a senator! How the hell did he achieve that?
Wiz: I don’t know, a lot of people didn’t like him.
Boomstick: Well, ya know what? I bet JarJar must have SOMETHING up his sleeve to compensate for how dumb he is. He must have some type of awesome, secret, weapon.
Wiz: He can stick out his tongue out a couple feet.
Boomstick: That it?
Wiz: He’s a great dancer. He’s known to perform the Deesco and the Gungan Style.
Boomstick: You’re fucking with me.
Wiz: Nope
Boomstick: Has he done anything?
Wiz: Well… he’s destroyed several droids and even a armored assault tank…
Boomstick: There ya go!
Wiz:… by accident.
Boomstick: Oh.
Wiz: He stopped some assassins and space pirates once.
Boomstick: Yeah…
Wiz: By pure chance and luck mostly.
Boomstick: Thought so. Has he done anything? At all?
Wiz: He helped kickstart the Galactic Empire which led to the deaths of millions.
Boomstick: WHAT?
Wiz: His vote led to Chancellor Palpatine, Darth Sidious, into power.
Boomstick: Huh, so the most evil force in the entire universe, happened, because of JarJar.
Wiz: Because of JarJar. JarJar is hopelessly clumsy. He has electrocuted his own tongue, has blown up a kitchen, and has released all the animals from two DIFFERENT zoos.
Boomstick: How do you even do that?
Wiz: JarJar is actually a decent politician, very friendly, can jump pretty high, and is somewhat a strategist.
Boomstick: Don’t forget the dancing!
Wiz: On several occasions, JarJar’s clumsiness has actually led to victories, so he’s definitely lucky.
Boomstick: Well, even if its by accident or not, JarJar can definitely fuck stuff up for everyone who opposes him. I guess...
Jar Jar Binks: "Missa gonna show everyone how bombad mesa really is!"
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: It's time... For a Death Battle!
Fight[]
Birds were chirping in the air. It was just another beautiful fishing day for Big the Cat and his best pal Froggy. "Hey Froggy, wanna play hide and go seek?" asked Big. "Croak." replied Froggy. "Yeah! Let's go play! I love you Froggy!" exclaimed Big. He quickly reeled in his lure, with a piece of bread on the end, and ran over by a tall tree.
"One, two, three..." But, unknown to Big, Froggy wasn't trying to hide. He was too mesmerized by a bunch of bubbles raising from the water. Then, from the lake, someone emerged. "Oh no, mesa was a going to eat that!" It was Jar Jar Binks, the gungan senator! Jar Jar looked around for his missing piece of bread; however, he found something even better. "Oooohhhhhh, a even tastier snack for mesa to munchen, come to dada Gungan frog-ew." Jar Jar swam out of the water and scrambled over to Froggy.
" Fifty, twelve, one-hundred and forty-nine, two, two, Switzerland, two, nine." continued Big, with his eyes covered. Jar Jar, before Froggy could escape, shot his tongue out of his mouth and caught the poor frog.
Before Froggy was able to be consumed he let out a last, distressed, "CROAK!!!" "Oh no!" screamed Big, "Froggy?" Big turned around to see Jar Jar, licking his lips, and smirking. "Mmmmm, that a bombad froggleler!" shouted Jar Jar. "No!", yelled Big. "Uh oh, mesa in traaa-ble." moaned Jar Jar. Big fumbled in front of the Gungan, "You kill Froggy, Big kill you!"
FIGHT!
Big started to furiously swing around his trusty fishing rod while Jar Jar started to run away like a coward. "Oh no you don't Froggy eater!" Big swung his hook and latched on to Jar Jars collar, throwing Jar Jar into the air and swinging him round and round. "Mesa gonna get sick-a!" screamed Jar Jar. Big kept swinging and swinging. "I'll make you throw up Froggy!" Big started to twirl like a top for more momentum, but that started to back fire.
"Uh-oh, now I'm a dizzy Big." said Big letting go of the rod, sending Jar Jar and the rod into the lake. "Waaaaaah!" shrieked Jar Jar as he made a giant splash. Big started stumbling around on his tip toes, tripping over himself. Jar Jar emerged from the water. "Now-sa my chance! I'll use this opportunity cause I speck!" Jar Jar started to dash at Big, now holding the rod like a club.
"Missa charge!" But, while Jar Jar was running, the fishing line wrapped around his legs in the commotion. As Jar Jar got wrapped around in line, he fell to the ground, face first, and making a path of dirt along with him. "Ow, that-a hurt." This was a tough break for Jar Jar, because Big was coming to his senses. "Duuuuuh, I'm Big and I'm big, HUH, where am I. Oh! I remember." exclaimed Big. Big saw Jar Jar flopping around like a fish, tangled in the fishing line. "First you eat Froggy, now you tangle my special rod, BIG TANGLE YOU!" Big then slowly jogged at Jar Jar, bringing out his parasol.
"I fly like a bird!" cried Big as he performed his ground pound technique. But, as Big was descending, a heavy gust of wind toke him away! Big landed face first onto the floor. Jar Jar used this opportunity to roll out the way and untangle himself from the fishing rod. "Time to strike for all of Otoh Gunga!" yelled Jar Jar as he ran towards Big, now on the ground recovering from the fall.
"Hi-yah!" Jar Jar punched Big right in the stomach! Jar Jar stood triumphantly his entire arm in Bigs never ending stomach. Jar Jar then looked up seeing the big cat staring down at him. Big starting chanting. "First you eat Froggy, then you tangle my rod, and now you punch my tum-tum?" Big stood up, not feeling the blow, and picked up Jar Jar by the arm. "Put mesa down, put mesa down!" Big grabbed his parasol and whacked away Jar Jar, like he was playing baseball.
He then waddled up and got into a ball position. He then started getting acceleration, and blasted towards Jar Jar. "Oh no, this ain't bombad no more." Jar Jar scrambled up and dashed towards the water diving down, knocking his head on the side of the shore as he fell in. Big got out of his ball form and looked into the water. "Hah, hah, hah, now your in trouble Froggy eater" Big snatched his fishing rod from the ground, untangled it, and cast it into the water.
"Where are you?" questioned Big, trying to catch Jar Jar. Then, something bit! "Got ya!" Big started reeling in with all his might and Jar Jar started flopping out the water like a distressed fish. Jar Jar screamed, "Let mesa go!" Big then reeled Jar Jar onto the shore, ready to punch him in the face. Jar Jar laid there defenseless.
But right before Big clobbered Jar Jar's face in, he noticed something. "Hey, you know what, your eyes kinda look like Froggy. And you have swim powers just like Froggy. Hey, you're a second Froggy!" Big then grabbed Jar Jar in a huge embrace, and started petting his head. "Mesa not Froggy, mesa Jar Jar." responded Jar Jar, getting uncomfortable. "No, you are a new Froggy!" responded Big, caressing Jar Jar.
"Thats it!" yelled Jar Jar; he shot his tongue into Big's eye ball! "Ow, you are not Froggy, he would never hurt me! OWWWW." Big ran around, throwing his arms around into the air, dragging Jar Jar along with him. "WAAAAHHHH." They both yelled, Big with a tongue in his eye and Jar Jar being dragged along behind him. Big then threw Jar Jar off his eye and threw him away. Without saying anything he cast his rod mace at Jar Jar.
"That's-a it, time for my secret move!" cried the gungan. Jar Jar clapped his hands in the air, dodging the rod. He then twirled and spun, doing jumping jack moves, as he danced gracefully, as Big missed every time. Jar Jar then clapped his hands one more time and yelled, "Do da Deesco!" Binks began to move his feet to the rhythm as his body moved to the power of Gungan jive.
Big stopped throwing his rod and just stopped and starred. "Wow!" yelled Big, amazed by Jar Jar's sick moves. Jar Jar moved his feet with perfect form, bobbing his head, and spinning his arms left and right. Jar Jar could've distracted Big and ran away, if it wasn't for a crucial move. Jar Jar burped. When he did a "CROAK!", could be heard from his stomach. Big snapped out of his trance, and sudden look of realization came onto his face. "Grrrrrrrrrr FROGGY!" Big threw his fishing rod into Jar Jars open, burping, mouth.
The hook went straight down Jar Jars throat. Jar Jar started to cough and gak. "Give! Him! Back!" yelled Big, as he started to reel in. Blood started to slowly leak out of Bink's mouth. He throw his hands on his chest, and groaned in agonizing pain. The Gungan got to his knees, as two giant, bloody, objects flew out from his body on the hook. Jar Jar fell to the ground, bleeding out his mouth. Big looked down and saw a bloody heart on his hook, and also hooked was... "FROGGY!" It was Froggy, alive and well, but drenched in blood. Froggy looked up and gave Big a quizzical look. "Looks like I win hide and seek Froggy, cause I found you! Now it's your turn to count!"
K.O.!
Results[]
Boomstick: I take the part about Big's fishing skills not being helpful back.
Wiz: While Jar Jar may have had the speed and mobility advantage, Big's defense and overall raw power won him this match.
Boomstick: Big also has far more actual combat experience when compared to Jar Jar, considering the fact that most of Jar Jar's feats are based on pure luck.
Wiz: Especially compared to Big who has faced opponents such as the Metal Overlord and Imperator Ix.
Boomstick: This challenge was too big for Jar Jar to handle. Looks like he couldn't cat-ch a break either.
Wiz: The winner is Big the Cat.
