Beowulf vs Hercule
 HighVoltage3606 | |
|---|---|
| Season 1, Episode 3 | |
Vital statistics
| |
| Air date | Unknown |
| Written by | Random Guy #7 |
| Directed by | Random Guy #7 |
Episode guide
| |
| Previous | Next |
| Riku vs Sasuke | Rambo vs Jason Brody |
Description[]
Skullgirls vs Dragon Ball! Two champions enter the ring, but only one will come back out in this silly stupid smackdown!
Prelude[]
Random: In trying times, sometimes all you need to bring people up, is the face of a hero who stands tall.
Jolley: And of all the people, they chose these doofuses.
Random: Beowulf, the Canopy Kingdom's retired hero and wrestler.
Jolley: And Hercule Satan, the 7 time Martial Art Champion of Earth.
Random: I'm Random and this is Jolley, and we're here to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win, in a Death Battle!
Beowulf[]
Random: The Canopy Kingdom, a world deep rooted in a history of war, misery, and corruption.
Jolley: And part of what was at the heart of it all were the terrifying people known as the Gigans. Massive ruthless goliaths who terrorized the Canopy Kingdom, and wreaked havoc without challenge.
Random: That was until one man decided to do the impossible, and take on an extra nasty Gigan named Grendel.
Jolley: That man was called...Beowulf.
Random: A professional wrestler at the time, Beowulf challenged Grendel to a no holds barred exhibition match for the fate of the Arena.
Jolley: Against all odds, Beowulf managed to pull through, killing Grendel and taking his arm as a souvenir. However that wasn't the end of the story, as Grendel's mother was enraged at her son's defeat, and fully prepared to feast upon the audience, forcing Beowulf to spring into action once again.
Random: Beowulf managed to slay Grendel's mother as well, saving everyone from the Gigans, and becoming the Canopy Kingdoms new icon.
Jolley: Wulfomania was everywhere, toys, movies, shows, everywhere you looked, you saw Beowulf's face.
Random: Until it eventually faded away, leaving Beowulf a retired nobody in his apartment.
Jolley: That was until the great evil known as the Skullgirl rose again, and Beowulf saw it as his break back into the limelight.
Random: Of course, he couldn't do it alone, so he got in touch with his manager Zane, and latter down the line, reconnected with his old acting partner Annie.
Jolley: Who was actually a centuries old badass hero! When Beowulf was done pounding everyone in his path, him and her teamed up to take down Double and the Skullgirl!
Random: Together, they teamed up to splatter the Skullheart, for another seven years at least.
Jolley: But how strong is Canopy Kingdom's two time hero? Well, in his return debut he went toe to toe with Cerebella, who can lift two bull elephants effortlessly, and punch a rock so hard it turns into a solid diamond!
Random: He also fought on par with Valentine, who can dodge bullets rather easily, and move in tandem with a heart monitor's beat!
Jolley: He's also clobbered massive Gigan skeletons, and is strong enough to toss around Big Band, who weighs a whopping 5000 lbs!
Random: Naturally being a pro wrestler means Beowulf has more then a few tricks at his disposal. He's a master of grappling, and is no slouch to whacking people with his chair.
Jolley: GIMME THE CHAIR I WANNA SHOW IT OFF!!!
Random: Alright alright. He's a big fan of wrestling folks so this is probably the best day of his life.
- Random hands Jolley Beowulf's folding chair. Jolley then proceeds to hit Random across the face with it as hard as he can.
Jolley: WOOOOOOO!!!
- Random slowly gets up, clutching his head.
Random: Damn dude! Did you really have to hit me that hard?
Jolley: Yes, yes I did. WOOO!
Random: Well, you forgot the coolest part of the chair. It can rip open portals in space like its paper, and Beowulf can crawl out of them all wrestler like!
Jolley: He can also fling around Grendel's arm to attack foes in all sorts of sweeping and slamming movements.
Random: That's not even the craziest thing he can do, he can even levitate in the air and wrap himself in flames for the powerful Wulf Blitzer!
Jolley: And that's not even taking into account his super powerful blockbluster moves, including one where he chugs a gallon of milk, and launches his opponent into the air with two powerful punches, then ends the combo with aerial kick.
Random: Complete with a cool moon backdrop!
Jolley: Overall, whether you're a massive titanic beast, an evil shapeshifter, or just a plain wrestler, Beowulf is one guy you don't want to mess with!
Beowulf: I knew all you little wolves out there couldn't forget your main man! He's back to protect the pack! The Skullgirls gonna regret stepping on Wulf territory! AROOOOOOOO!!!
Hercule[]
Random: The Tenkaichi Budokai, also known as the World Martial Arts tournament.
Jolley: A place where people of all sorts of unique techniques and backgrounds go to show their stuff, and take the title of champion.
Random: For the longest time, old champions would constantly be replaced by new ones, and the title of Budokai Champion was anyone's game for years.
Jolley: That is until one man rose above the rest to become the Budokai's current reigning champion for the last 7 years, Hercule Satan!
Random: He's fought and defeated folks like Cell, Majin Buu, and even fought on par with Beerus!....or at least that's what he wants you to believe.
Jolley: In reality, he's an absolute fraud. In fact, the last 6 years of his Budokai championship we're all phony matches that he cheated in.
Random: However, while he may look like a chump in comparison to even characters like Yamcha and Krillin, that's not to say he's a total weakling.
Jolley: He's still pretty strong for a dude with no ki. Like that time he shattered a bunch of stone tiles with a karate chop!
Random: He was also able to carry in four buses on his own, and the punch a hole through one. So yeah, he's certainly not a slouch.
Jolley: He was also able to knock around folks like a Human Spopovich before he became a demon, with little to no issue.
Random: And despite what mud we slung at his other six years, he did legitimately win his first tournament with his fighting skill.
Jolley: However speed is where Hercule really shines. For one, he can punch fast enough to create afterimages of his own fists!
Random: He's also able to move fast enough to normal people that it looks like he's almost teleporting from one place to another. Although that's more like his own panicked running to save his skin.
Jolley: He's also outran the explosion of a rocket before, and can duck pretty quickly on instinct.
Random: However, Hercule is no stranger to packing a couple gadgets on hand, just in case things get bad against someone who's crazy strong!
- Random then gathers up a few capsules from around the room and starts opening them.
Jolley: He has things like a grenade, remote controlled bomb, a handgun, rocket launcher, and even a missile in there.
Random: Although my personal favorites of his equipment is this!
- Random then opens the capsules as a jetpack pops out, which he quickly puts on and starts flying around.
Jolley: Dude you could already fly.
Random: Yes but flying is always cooler with a jetpack!
Jolley: Fair enough.
Random: That's not to say Hercule is without his own techniques apart from his capsules either. He has things like the Dynamite Kick and Satan Punch, both things that are basic techniques.
Jolley: His is however no stranger to targeting weakpoints on opponents like punching them in between the eyes, or techniques like the King of Dreamers which is a massive flurry of attacks ended off with a throw.
Random: All in all there's a reason Hercule is still the world champ after all this time. Mostly due to help from a blob of pink goo.
Jolley: Kirby?
Random: No Jolley. Not Kirby.
Jolley: Aw.
Hercule: I vowed that Earth would forever remain in peace. Since I made that vow, not a single threat has been made against Earth. That's all thanks to the fact that my name is known through the entire galaxy.
Interlude[]
Random: Alright, the combatants are set and we've reached a conclusion from the data.
Jolley: Its time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
Unnamed Fighting Ring
Announcer: ARE YOU FOLKS READY FOR THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!!!
The announcer yelled as the crowd exploded with cheering and applause.
Announcer: THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!!! TODAY WE HAVE A SPECTACULAR SHOWDOWN FOR YOU FOLKS TODAY!!! TWO OF THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS DEFENDERS GOING HEAD TO HEAD IN A WINNER TAKE ALL, NO HOLDS BARRED, HARDCORE MATCH!
The crowd once exploded with cheers and applause.
Announcer: IN THIS CORNER, THE DEFENDING 7 TIME CHAMP OF THE WORLD MARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT, SAVIOR OF THE PLANET, AND GOD AMONG MEN...HERCULE SATAN!!!
Hercule then popped out of the wall, much to the exultation of the crowd. Hercule then ran into the ring, and did his signature peace sign pose.
Hercule: HAHA! Its a joy to see so many people here tonight as your champion! Beowulf won't know hit him! (Gah! Why did I agree to this? Stupid stupid!)
Announcer: BIG WORDS CHAMP, BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO SAY IT TO HIS FACE! BECAUSE IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE LEGENDARY SAVIOR OF CANOPY KINGDOM, THE SUPERSTAR SLAYER OF GIGANS, THE ONE AND ONLY...BEOWULF!!!
Beowulf then crashed through the wall, jumped into the ring pulling his wolf hood over his head.
Beowulf: AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The crowd then exploded in joy once again.
Hercule: (Crap! He's my opponent!? He looks crazy strong!) Really? This is my opponent? A mere puppy facing Mr. Satan!? Well bring it on ya dog!
Beowulf: Right back at ya big guy! I've been waiting to put the smackdown on ya for a long time! holds hand out Put er there bro!
Hercule takes Beowulf hand, and Beowulf immediately grips his hand in a crushing handshake.
Beowulf: You alright bro?
Hercule quickly retracts his hand, clutching it in pain for a brief moment before he turned back to Beowulf, pretending like it never happened.
Hercule: Of course I am! Your wussy clutches can't hold me! Let's do this!
Beowulf: NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BRO!!!
The two went to opposite ends of the ring and began prepping themselves.
Announcer: IS EVERYBODY READY!? crowd cheers ALRIGHT! 3...2...1...GO!!!
FIGHT!
Hercule: This'll be over shortly with my Megaton Punch!
Hercule has a massive grin on his face as he reels his arm back and runs up, punching Beowulf with full force...only for Beowulf to shrug it off and punch him in the gut.
Beowulf: That all you got bro? Cmon! Gimme all you got!
Beowulf then swung his chair, hitting Hercule on the chin and sending him flying in the air. Hercule winces in pain for a while, before mid air he gets the idea and pulls out the capsule containing his jetpack.
Hercule: HAHA! I have overcame your dirty tricks with my skill! Now take this! Dynamite Kick!
Beowulf eyes blew open for a second, as Hercule's leg came crashing into him. This time Hercule's attack had an effect on Beowulf, launching him into the ropes.
Beowulf: Aargh!
Hercule laughed as he reeled back to deliver a high speed punch, before his eyes blew wide open as he saw Beowulf somehow float and charge headfirst at him, surrounding by a coat of flames. At the very last second Hercule managed to propel himself out of the way of the Wulf Blitzer.
Hercule: Haha! Your tricks won't work on me!
Beowulf then suddenly changed directions, flying up towards Hercule with the blitzer, crashing right into him. Beowulf then pulled out his chair again, and slammed it as hard as he could into Hercule's jetpack, breaking it into pieces and causing multiple of Hercule's capsules to fall out and pop open.
Beowulf: You alright bro?
Hercule stayed on the ground, seemingly keeled over on his stomach. However when Beowulf got close, Hercule suddenly rose up with his handgun, and opened fire on Beowulf.
Hercule: You think its ok to trick the champ? Well I got a couple of tricks myself!
Beowulf saw the incoming fire, and simply deflected the shots with his chair. After he finished however, Beowulf has a darker look on his face.
Beowulf: You wanna play dirty bro? Fine. Let's play dirty.
Hercule: What's that supposed to mea-
Hercule didn't have time to finish that sentence before Beowulf slammed a trash can on Hercule, and then kicked the trash can as hard he could, sending the can flying.
Hercule: (I think I'm gonna hurl...)
Suddenly Hercule was freed from the trash can... and sent rolling straight into a suplex from Beowulf, who slammed Hercule to the ground with a smile.
Hercule: (Crap! This guy is really about to take me out right here! I need something quick! Aha!)
Just as Beowulf was about to grab Hercule by the legs again, Hercule suddenly flipped over, this time with his rocket launcher.
Hercule: Let's see you try this on for size!
Hercule opened fire, and a massive explosion consumed half of the ring, kicking up a massive cloud of debris and dust. When the dust settled, there was seemingly nothing left of Beowulf.
Hercule: Holy crap that worked!? I won! I won!!!
Suddenly from behind Hercule, a chair pops out from thin air and makes a light cut. Beowulf then pops his head through the cut.
Beowulf: Are you sure about that?
Hercule turned around with a sheer look of terror in his eyes as Beowulf burst out from the portal he made, with...a gallon of milk in hand?
Beowulf: Let's end this bro!
Beowulf then chugs the whole gallon of milk before throwing out an uppercut to Hercule's gut, causing him to cough up blood. Then a second, causing a cracking sound to come from Hercule's chest, as he shot into the air. Beowulf then puts his wolf hood up as he turns away from Hercule and leaps into the air. A moon backdrop fades as as Hercule's body drops from the air, and Beowulf dropkicks him as hard as he can, shattering Hercule's skeleton and sending him flying through the arena walls.
The entire audience is silent before the announcer suddenly speaks up.
Announcer: AND HE'S DONE IT!!! BEOWULF HAS DETHRONED THE CHAMPION AS HERO OF THE WORLD. unplugs mic Can someone go check on Hercule please?
Beowulf: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KO!
Post Analysis[]
Random: Well that was... a fight. Huh Jolley?
Jolley: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Random: Jolley calm down we have an analysis to do.
Jolley: Alright fine. I'll calm down..for now.
Random: Thank you. Right, so where to begin. So far starters, despite his goofish appearance, Hercule wasn't entirely screwed here as it may first appear.
Jolley: Hercule had a similar level of speed to Beowulf, and superior mobility with his jetpack.
Random: He also had the equipment advantage as well, and had many weapons to play the range game if he needed to against Beowulf.
Jolley: But in terms of actual pure power, Beowulf had Hercule beat by a long shot.
Random: Beowulf scaling to folks like Cerebella and Painwheel we're easily above anything Hercule could dish out, even with his bombs. And while Hercule did have the overall maneuverability advantage, that doesnt mean Beowulf didnt have any ways to get around.
Jolley: Between the Wulf Blitzers levitation, his chair's portal creation, and the massive sweeping range of Grendel's arm, Beowulf had plenty of ways to close the distance and end the fight.
Random: And considering even Hercule's best equipment like the remote control bomb and rocket launcher require him to get out of its blast radius as well, things weren't looking too good for the former champ.
Jolley: Looks like Hercule doesn't get to BEO champ anymore.
Random: The winner is Beowulf.
Next Time[]
Trivia[]
-Random is rooting for Hercule to win.
-Jolley is rooting for Beowulf to win.